How to be happy in marriage. Secrets of strengthening family ties and rules for maintaining a happy marriage

Building relationships is hard. Saving a marriage is even harder. This article is about how a man who was once married and now divorced, at the cost of his marriage, learned to behave differently in relationships. And although his marriage could not be saved, he was able to learn from it and learned how to make his next marriage successful. What good is life if it can't teach you anything? We have prepared for you 10 rules on how not to behave in marriage. Perhaps some advice will help save your relationship.

Think beyond yourself

Choose your words carefully. Harsh, intemperate language destroys your marriage.

If you distance yourself from your spouse and hide your feelings, it will lead to misunderstandings between you. Be more open.

When talking about your spouse's parents or family members, be careful and restrained in your language. Even if they really aren't very good people.

Why do you need a spouse if you spend all your time staring at your phone? Please put it aside and take time for your loved one.

Don't move away from each other

Find an opportunity to put aside work and other activities and spend a quiet evening just the two of you. If you don't spend time like this sometimes, sooner or later you will grow apart.

Do you always have to be right? Constantly disagreeing with other people's opinions and arguing will lead to your spouse being unhappy.

Don't get into the habit of sleeping in different rooms or on different beds.

Frequent criticism causes dissatisfaction with each other. And resentment is not the best ally of a marriage relationship.

Don't forget to say and prove with your actions that you love your spouse, otherwise he will feel unhappy and unnecessary.

Accept your spouse for who he is. Whether he is loud, quirky, quiet or weird, don't try to change the person he is and who you have come to love.

She looks at him, contempt pouring from her eyes and spreading around: “Yes, but at different times.”

This little remark showed everything in the relationship of this married couple.

Long, happy marriage: Does this really still happen? I think we'll have to wait fifty years to find out. Of course, no one should endure insults and remain married to “preserve the family.” If your spouse insults and humiliates you, then in any case he has already violated the terms of the “agreement” (remember that you swore to “love and care”). But the now common expression “society of lost opportunities” can also mean that completely normal relationships are too quickly rejected on the grounds that they do not look ideal.

The irony is that the current obsession with "personal worth" - in other words, increasing one's own worth at the expense of others - has left more people who are unsuccessful, sad and lonely. Marriages crack and burn brightly when the old spouses are replaced by “new versions”, which, of course, are always “better”. It seems that the ideas of duty, obligation and responsibility have been thrown to the wayside - along with happiness.

A happy marriage is, above all, health

Marriage may seem as old-fashioned and faded as old ink, but repeated studies show that people who spend their entire lives with one spouse... the happiest, and that married people are statistically happier and live longer than single people. Do we know why some marriages work and others don't?

Today we already know what to avoid and what needs to be supported and developed in every possible way to make the marriage happy and healthy. Of course, there are no ideal marriages, but there are a lot of happy ones. Difficulties happen in happy couples, but they have a constant sense of community: “we”, not “you” and “me”.

Follow these strategic rules (I mean both spouses) and who knows, maybe in 50 years you will tell me about all the medical and psychological benefits you received and the happiness you enjoyed all these years.

So, first of all:

1) Be realistic in your expectations for marriage

Romanticism is wonderful and seeing the best in your spouse is a surefire way to save the love and intimacy. However, you are going to be together for many years, so you need to be able to turn a blind eye to some of your spouse’s imperfections. In the first impulses of passion, the object of our romantic attention may seem devoid of shortcomings, but later we discover weaknesses hidden for the time being. At this moment, in order to continue the marriage, we need to look further and deeper, to see that “behind” the shortcomings and weaknesses of the partner, in the end, no one is perfect. Family relationships cannot be managed without difficulty, but expectations that everything will be easy and that everything will always be “perfect” only lead to disappointment (the lot of all unrealistic expectations).

Idealize your spouse as much as you can, but remember that he/she is only human.

2) “Sorry” shouldn’t be the hardest word to pronounce.

Have you noticed that some people never apologize, never admit they were wrong, and never say "I'm sorry"? Have you noticed? So, these people are much less likely to ever get married or keep it.

Surveys of married people show that people who are happily married are twice as likely to be able and willing to ask for forgiveness from their partner than those who are divorced or single. Surveys also show that happy couples are 25% more likely to be the first to ask for forgiveness, even when one spouse feels only partially at fault. The more difficult it is for divorced and single people to apologize or make a conciliatory gesture, the more likely they are to remain single.

Love and passion can bring a couple together, but compromise and respect keep the bond together. Learn to say "I'm sorry."

3) Drive out of the city the horsemen who are destroying your relationships

Some couples may fight every day but remain happily married. Others argue less, but if they start, their relationship suffers greatly. What is the difference?

The point is not whether you swear or not, but whether How You are swearing. This is what determines whether your marriage will last.

There are 4 factors that destroy relationships. They are called the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse". Here they are:

1.Contempt. The manner of address, grimaces of displeasure, curses and insults - in general, by your behavior you show that your partner disgusts you - this is “contempt”. If all this is regularly repeated in the initial phase of disagreements, then there are only a few days left until the end of the relationship. Women who stare when their husbands say something are six times more likely to get divorced after two years;

2.Defensive position. “Why are you pestering me? Don’t look at me like that! What do you want from me?!”

“But I only asked if you wanted tea!”

Another important predictor of the possible collapse of a relationship is "exceeding the limits of necessary defense." If someone starts yelling as soon as a partner suggests discussing something, if at the same time it seems to him that he is being threatened or attacked, and if this happens regularly, there is a crisis in the relationship. A defensive position blocks communication and separates spouses;

3.Don't criticize, but be sure to compliment

Spouses who criticize each other run the risk of damaging their relationship so much that it will no longer be possible to “repair” it later... This does not mean that you cannot express your dissatisfaction , if your spouse upsets you, but criticism is much more destructive than making complaints.

When you criticize, the attack is on the person generally(even if you didn't want it).

Dissatisfaction is directed only at a separate act and does not affect the person’s personality. For example, "You are a lazy pig!" implies that a person Always This is exactly what he is, and laziness is his basic, fundamental feature. There are no specifics or time limits here, as in “I thought you were a little lazy today. That’s so unlike you!”

Some people believe that constantly pointing out their partner's shortcomings "makes them better." But even with good intentions, the consequences will not be good. If you criticize your spouse publicly, then it is humiliating (for both), but when you say something nice about him in company, it is simply wonderful.

People in happy marriages feel valued, loved and respected. Remind your spouse of their talents, strengths, and what you especially like about them. Nobody likes to feel under constant fire from criticism.

4. Self-withdrawal or “opposition”

Emotional separation of ourselves from our spouse - we “see nothing, hear nothing” when a partner expresses his complaints - is another predictor of an imminent breakup. Women criticize more, men are more inclined to withdraw. Men by nature are not able to cope with strong emotional stress; women have a clear advantage here. Therefore, men instinctively try to avoid quarrels and strong irritation and build protective walls around themselves.

Self-withdrawal can be expressed in the fact that the spouse “switches off” during a conversation or tries to “contact” with his wife as little as possible and thus arrange for himself an “escape from imprisonment.” The danger of this model of behavior is that it becomes permanent, closing off the possible positive aspects of the relationship for the practitioner.

Everyone needs personal space, but never Without reacting to our partner’s emotional manifestations, we leave him in the cold behind a closed door.

The surprising thing is that when at least one Of these factors (or “riders”) that are regularly present in “showdowns”, the prospects for these relationships leave much to be desired. Are these “horsemen” present in your marriage?

What else can make your marriage happier?

4) Know what it's about Not talk in marriage

Young spouses often want to “dig deeper,” find out “all the secrets,” be completely open to each other and “discuss everything.” But a study of the experiences of older couples who have been happily married for decades shows that in these couples, what was said when expressing negative emotions often falls on deaf ears. These people also prefer not to pay much attention to their feelings about the relationship unless they feel something absolutely necessary. This “threshold” here is much higher than for young couples.

Therefore, the typical advice from worried aunts to “tell everything” and “be completely honest” is not conducive to healthy and long-term relationships. Agreeing with a complaint and knowing which topics to stay away from is one of the key skills in relationships.

5) Work on problems, but stay in control

Another key factor that helps maintain relationships during disagreements is the habit of changing the topic when the discussion "goes off course." This quick "switching" reduces the number of negative emotions and reduces the likelihood of "chewing" the same thing in the future. It also carries the message: "We can argue, but at the same time get along with each other." Thus, the controversial issue acquires boundaries and is not spoils relationships in general.

Discord should be a "one-off special" rather than a long-running series. It's also important to laugh...

6) Laugh together - stay together

Regularly reminiscing about romantic times in the past and mentioning them in conversations (“It was really great when we were…” and “Do you remember…”) is a very powerful way to maintain a spiritual connection. But laughing together regularly is an even more powerful way.

According to recent research, couples who laugh together and regularly reminisce about funny incidents tend to be much more satisfied with their relationship. Create a “fun pantry” and go there often. Without fun, a marriage dries up, like a flower without water.

7) Provide 5 "good cases" for every "bad"

For a stable marriage you need five “good” to one “bad”. “Good” can be a warm hug, a pleasant day spent together, a discussion of an interesting film, in general, something positive. “Bad” is a quarrel, disagreement or disappointment.

So make an effort to follow the 5/1 rule. It will turn out even better if you follow the following advice.

The better you know your spouse’s tastes, his/her aspirations, who they like and don’t like among their work colleagues, and so on, the higher the quality of your “love map.” Knowledge of the details of the partner’s external and internal life (while allowing some personal space) strengthens your connection. One colleague of mine didn't know the name of the company her (underrated) husband worked for, and one man didn't know the name of their pet dog! (Much to his wife's horror: "He's not interested in anything in the house!")

Adjust your “love map”, add new objects to it to better manage your family ship.

Life in a happy marriage is one way to ensure that each of you enjoys life for many years to come. Follow these tips yourself and ask your spouse to read them too.

But you don't have to follow it literally.

Each of their spouses should have a favorite thing and their own interests and hobbies from which they derive pleasure. Both partners must generate income, but they must be interested and aware of each other's affairs. At any moment they should be ready to support, discuss and give advice to those of them who need it.

A husband and wife should have their own protected area in the house, a personal space where everyone can be alone. Of course, this does not mean that everyone needs an extra room, but plan a secluded corner in the house where you can be alone with yourself, take a break from socializing, and even just read in peace. This especially applies to people who sometimes simply need such solitude.

Do not set any rigid rules or meaningless restrictions that are easy to break even without any malicious intent. The more freedom they give each other, the more trust they show. Free, trusting relationships create a special atmosphere of reliability and comfort, making you want to go home soon, where you are so calm and your soul is so comfortable.

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Related article

7 commandments of a husband

Some women inextricably link the concepts of personal and family happiness. If you cannot imagine your life without love, become the most loved and happy. Find harmony in your union with your man, and success in your relationship will inspire you.

Instructions

Value yourself. Realize how lucky you are to be a woman. Embrace your own femininity. Self-acceptance and the desire to live in harmony with oneself leads to peace in the soul. Believe me, your man will not value you more than you. How your loved one will treat you also depends on your attitude towards yourself. Representatives of the stronger sex subconsciously feel when a woman is critical of herself, when she doesn’t love herself, etc.

Open up to the man you love. Thank him for every wonderful moment he gives you. Do not torment yourself with groundless suspicions that are the fruit of your imagination. Don't ruin your mood with gloomy thoughts. Some girls tend to overthink things. Don't repeat it and live for your own pleasure.

Set an example for your partner. If you want to be happy in love, be willing to work on your relationship. When you lack something from your man, meet him halfway. There is no need for reproaches and scandals. Just demonstrate with your own behavior how your young man should behave. For example, if you suffer from lack of attention, first show concern and sincere interest in the man yourself.

You shouldn't confront a man. In some couples there is a constant struggle for leadership between the man and the woman. Maybe someone needs such adrenaline in a relationship, but such a race will not add happiness to you. Remember: you and your companion are a team. Work together, don't compete.

Remember how it all began. Over time, feelings may dull, and the joy of having a loving and beloved man next to you may subside a little. Remember what you were like when you met your partner. Don't forget why you fell in love with your man.

Be grateful for what you have. If you begin to be overcome by a feeling of dissatisfaction, you doubt that next to you is exactly the person who can give you the happiness that you deserve, imagine that your man is leaving you. Perhaps such a small visualization will awaken you, and you will appreciate the one who is next to you. And this is the path to female happiness.

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For some representatives of the fair sex, happiness remains an illusory dream. And this despite their beauty and success. The thing is that they do not yet know about the main secret of true female happiness.

The main secret of a woman's happiness is very simple: you need to be yourself. This statement should be applied to any area of ​​a modern girl’s life. And then there will be harmony and joy in the soul.

Appearance

Looking attractive is a natural desire for women. Some girls choose ideals of beauty for themselves and try to get as close to them as possible. The wiser representatives of the fair sex know that when improving, you must, first of all, remain yourself. They prioritize not the standards accepted in society, but their own merits.

Emphasizing what is beautiful, and not completely remaking yourself - this is what a girl who wants to be beautiful and happy should strive for.

Otherwise, a representative of the fair sex, having undergone many metamorphoses, may become completely different in appearance and lose her own individuality. Without her own flair, she can get lost in the crowd. In addition, the race for trends in the world of fashion and beauty never ends. This means that a woman who has chosen this thorny path cannot be completely satisfied with her own appearance. If you want to be happy with yourself, don’t break it, just improve your image.

Job

Realization in the professional sphere is an indispensable component of some girls. Here again, it is important to choose a job that will suit your inclinations and abilities. Then the service will bring more joy and happiness.

By choosing a random or profitable field as a profession that is not in her heart, a woman dooms herself to torment and boredom. Just think how much time you spend at work! By spending it on something you don't like, you can't be completely happy.

Therefore, it is important when choosing a place of service to remain true to your preferences and principles.

Relationship

A successful personal life is important for women's happiness. When choosing a partner, listen to your heart and intuition. If you do not have a soul for a person, no amount of wealth, comfort, entertainment, travel or a magnificent intimate life can compensate you for the irreconcilable differences in your characters and worldview.

Don't waste your time on trifles. Don't listen to your mom or friends if their words go against your beliefs. Don't expect that over time you will be able to improve your relationship with your partner. Be with the man who is dear to your heart, with whom you truly feel good. And then true feminine happiness awaits you.

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Everyone knows the components of simple female happiness: healthy parents, a full house, smart children and a caring, loving man nearby. But few people remember that such happiness rarely falls on one’s head just like that.

She does what she considers important to herself.

Self-realization is more important than meeting the expectations of others. A happy woman will not do something she doesn’t love just to please someone.

She always chooses herself between herself and a man

Many women accept patriarchal principles, completely devoting themselves to a man and completely forgetting that a woman is also an individual. Happy women will never do this. Her chosen one must understand and appreciate that she has her own interests and hobbies that are important to her.

She has her own company and even fans

A happy woman does not isolate herself from her friends when starting a relationship with a man, and he must understand and accept this. Moreover, he should come to terms with the fact that there are men who admire her. This is part of the life of a beautiful woman, and you just have to accept it as a given.

There are things she doesn't discuss

For example, personal problems or some secrets. She is not a whiner, and she simply prefers not to talk about what others don’t need to know. This attitude makes her mysterious.

She doesn't allow herself to be humiliated

It has its own principles and values ​​that should be taken into account. She does the same with other people's principles, not allowing herself to laugh at or challenge them.

She looks decent and is confident

A happy woman does not skimp on cosmetics, shoes and underwear. Such little things allow her to make her look truly stylish, make her makeup look expensive and of high quality, and also give her self-confidence.

She behaves with dignity no matter the situation

A happy and wise woman does not hysteria or manipulate; she reasons calmly and behaves with restraint. It is this behavior that earns the respect of others.

She believes she deserves the best

And this applies not only to clothes, shoes or food. She carefully selects her best friends and best life partner. A happy woman understands that everything she needs will come sooner or later and does not settle for a cheap analogue.

One day, my client, coming to a consultation, said that she wanted to be happy in marriage. She, her children and parents live in a big house, and she, like a loving daughter and mother, makes sure that there is plenty of everything and everyone is happy.

She works a lot, constantly finds new ways to earn more money, does not know what a vacation is, and spends rare weekends cleaning the house or working in the garden, she is very tired, but there is never enough money.

All thoughts about how and where else to earn money, these thoughts keep her in constant tension and do not give her the opportunity to relax and unwind.

She used to think that having solved one financial problem, she would have time to rest, but now she has stopped hoping for that. Every day brings new problems, and there are more and more of them.

And no matter how hard she tries to please her loved ones, they constantly make claims to her and express dissatisfaction, the meaning of which boils down to one thing: “It’s not enough, give me more.” It was as if the whole family had united against her.

And now one part of her is trying with all her might to find a way to earn a lot of money and solve all the problems, and the second has already given up and wants only one thing, to find a quiet place and hide from the whole world, problems, family. ?

It turned out that in an effort to make her loved ones happy, she completely forgot about herself.

I forgot about my desires, needs, and forgot how to dream. She has absolutely no time, energy, or money for herself.

When he allows himself to meet with friends, the feeling of guilt prevents him from spending this time with pleasure. She feels unhappy, unloved and unwanted.

How you want to feel happy and loved! Wake up in the morning rested and cheerful, have breakfast and get dressed without haste, gently hug and kiss children and parents, hear wishes for a good day and good parting words, and leave the house in an elevated, joyful mood.

Do something that brings pleasure and satisfaction, feeling the importance of your work. And in the evening return home with the desire to be with your family. Feel care, attention and gratitude from loved ones. Rest assured that your family is always on your side.

How to turn from an unhappy, tired person into a happy, joyful and generous one?

The most important thing is to want it and realize that we can only give what we have. And if we have not learned to make ourselves happy, then we are unlikely to succeed in doing this with others. If we don't know how to take care of ourselves, we don't truly do it for others.

Start your path to greater happiness with simple steps:

1. Find what you can do to make yourself feel happier and commit to doing it.
2. Make time just for yourself.
3. Replace the phrase “this is not for me” with “how can I do this!”
4. Treat yourself.
5. Ask your loved ones and friends for help.

When you feel the desire and readiness to go further along this path, come to the “Love and Self-Acceptance” training. Give yourself a world filled with love!

Author of the article: Svetlana Pochekutova

(Consultant psychologist, trainer at GRC-Relationship Centers)

The number of marriages and divorce cases is almost equal. Why do people get married first, and then after a year or 2 run to get divorced? This problem should be considered because all readers have hope that happiness in marriage is possible.

Statistics say that out of 100 marriages, 10 are based on love. All other marriages are concluded for profit (of convenience), because of failure (the girl became pregnant), because of loneliness or because of the desire to change something in one’s life. It is not surprising that such approaches do not create happiness. Why? Because a person initially does not create a family, but solves his problems through a stamp in his passport.

Marriage on its own will not make you happy. It all depends on what feelings a man and a woman have for each other, what actions they take, whether they achieve the goals they have set for themselves, support and help each other, whether they develop their relationship and do everything together, or whether someone tries alone. To build a happy marriage, both partners (not just one) need to work constantly. Otherwise, the following typical situations arise when:

1. A woman remains married to a man so as not to be alone, because she believes that after a divorce she will not be able to improve her personal life.
2. A woman keeps her family together for the sake of her children. Like, when they grow up, then you can think about leaving your husband.
3. The woman does not want to get a divorce because the man provides for her. She agrees to live with him for the money.

How many unfortunate stories are there about how husbands cheated on their wives? Here, women, too, may not break off the relationship, but live unhappily, because who would like being cheated on.

Men beat, rape, insult, cheat on their wives, and they forgive them, which makes the marriage as a whole unhappy. And this continues until the woman gets tired of such a life or her partner himself decides to break up with her. Many women suffer until old age. Only then do they begin to ask themselves a simple question: “Why, in fact, do they save what does not bring them happiness?”

1. Why live with a man who beats or cheats?
2. Why stay in a marriage if it doesn't bring you happiness?
3. Why continue a relationship in which the woman does not achieve what she started it for?

This is how most women live, hoping that everything will change soon. However, years pass when something could have been changed, but nothing changes in the marriage. The man abused the woman and continues to abuse her. The woman felt unhappy and continues to experience the same emotions.

The interesting thing is that men can also suffer in marriages with women who are unhappy. Often women nagging their husbands, cheating on themselves, or not doing what men created families with them for. Often in a marriage both are unhappy, only each spouse experiences it in their own way.

Why are people unhappy in marriage?

The propaganda that a person should create and bear children almost from a young age has led to the destruction of many marriages. Young people get married and give birth to children as quickly as possible. Literally within the first 5 years of marriage they realize that they made a mistake. Marriage life has become hell. For some reason, husbands are forced to listen to reproaches every day, because the spouses consider this their legal right. Wives hear criticism every day about how ugly they are. They must cook food for their husbands, do laundry, and clean. At the same time, they take care of children and work, since their husbands cannot earn enough money.

The institution of family is being destroyed, because men and women feel not just unhappy people, but slaves in their own home. “Why do I need a family if it’s hard labor?” - people separate, no longer wanting to build a love relationship. At the same time, children suffer, who were also born because it was necessary.

Marriage becomes a prison. Both suffer. A woman expects only obligations from a man, and a man demands that his wife work for him. This is what marriage is: it is a union of two slaves, where each considers himself a master, but, in fact, is the same pitiful and unhappy creature as his partner.

Shouldn't we start a family now? If people continue to promote marriage, forcing young people to get married without understanding why they need it, then the institution of marriage will fall apart. People who are disappointed in family life will tell their children that family is bad. “You see, your father abandoned us. There is nothing good in the family,” “Your mother can’t even cook food and constantly yells at you. Son, don’t get married” - parents will pass on their own disappointments to their children. As a result, people will soon stop entering into official marriages. This is where everything is heading.

If people are unhappy, why should they build family ties? It is not the marriage itself that makes a person unhappy, but the inability of him and his partner to make their life together happy. A family is built by two people. If they do not try to make the union happy, then the relationship itself will not become happy.

Marriage is neither good nor bad. The following has a negative impact: people start families without even understanding why they need it. Women often marry those who are simply rich. Men often marry those who know how to make their home comfortable. But time passes, and they understand that they don’t love. They begin to look for lovers and mistresses who will fill the gap that they themselves have created.

People don’t get to know each other, they just walk, have fun, and sometimes quarrel. If their union lasts for several months or a year, they get married. There is no talk of any love. It is impossible to say that the partners know each other well. After the wedding, men are surprised that women stop sleeping with them, and women see how men lie comfortably on the sofa and don’t want to do anything. Have they become different? No, it’s just that no one wanted to get to know them well enough to see who they were.

Partners do not face the problems that arise in family life. Before marriage they have fun, and after marriage they begin to resolve serious issues. If we talk about concessions and compromises, when it turns out that your partner does not like what you like, and you want to live differently from the way your loved one lives, everything leads to daily scandals and quarrels.

People don't learn to live together. It seems to them that in family life everything will work out on its own. All problems will pass by only because they are together. But together does not mean that you have a loved one. Together is when you and your loved one go in the same direction, help each other when needed, protect each other and make you stronger.

People become unhappy not because marriage and family are wrong concepts. All misfortunes come from the need to be husbands and wives, where no one taught them to live with each other. Everyone begins to think only about themselves, wondering why their partner does not obey his will. Everyone forgets about what they can lose, starting to become impudent.

Unhappy marriage - endure or divorce?

If the spouses are unhappy in their marriage, then the question of getting a divorce may soon arise. This can be the initiative of both a man and a woman. It all depends on how valuable the marriage is to each partner and how much patience one has. Usually the one who starts talking about divorce is the one who is already very tired of his partner, as well as the one who can no longer stand it. If the marriage is unhappy for a long time, then divorce is inevitable.

What makes a marriage unhappy?

• The inability of spouses to solve problems that they constantly face.
• Attempts to improve the relationship of only one partner, when the second does not care what happens to their marriage.
• Cheating, indifferent attitude, bullying, insults of at least one of the partners.
• Lack of love and respect from at least one of the partners.
• Lack of desire to do anything for the sake of the relationship in at least one of the partners.

Marriage is a union of two people. If someone does not try, is indifferent, does not preserve and protect the relationship, then the family falls apart. The other partner can't do anything alone.

What advice do psychologists give to spouses to save their marriage? You can often hear about a man and a woman separating for a while and being apart. Over time, they will be able to understand for themselves how much they need their family relationships. If both need a family, then the spouses will begin to try to restore what was destroyed. If someone no longer needs marriage, then it is better to get a divorce and not torment anyone.

What is a happy marriage?

People have become so accustomed to the fact that marriages usually become unhappy that they forget what a happy marriage is. Many people can’t even give examples of happy families. However, absolutely everyone can list unhappy marriages.

When dreaming about a family and a loved one, people often talk about a happy future. If you build relationships, then only happy ones. If you register a marriage, then only a happy one. If you have children, then only in a happy family. All people want to live in a happy future. But to get there, you need to create your own happiness in the present tense. If you do not live happily now, then it is unlikely that you will be able to live in the future without changing anything.

How can you tell whether you are living in a happy marriage or not?

1. Determine for yourself what happiness means for you.

For some, happiness will be having a husband with large capital, and for others, having children. What is happiness for you personally? Otherwise, this question can be asked as follows: why did you start a family? What did you want to get when you registered your relationship? Someone wants to get the status of husband/wife. Someone wants to receive approval from society: “What a great guy you are!” Someone wants to find their family. Each person has his own reasons why he started a family.

And the second question: do you now receive what you registered your marriage for? If you are not getting what you expected from your marriage, then you are most likely unhappy. But if you have achieved your goal, for which you registered the union, then you are happy.

2. Are you growing in your marriage?

One of the components of happiness is the ability to develop, become better, more successful, more beautiful, healthier, happier. In other words, the relationships you are in help you improve. Do you feel positive changes in yourself? Does your partner support you and help you? Does he push you to develop useful character traits and skills? Let's just say that from the moment you register your marriage, you feel that you have more space for self-realization.

A person feels happy only when he can realize himself. Using your potential, finally trying your hand, creating something new - that’s what makes a person happy. All this can be achieved alone. But since we are talking about a marriage in which your partner is also present, the question is different: does your partner support you in your aspirations and self-realization?

A happy marriage is considered to be one in which people feel confident, strong, and calm. They can realize themselves because their partners support or even help them in this. They understand that since their marriage their lives have improved qualitatively. They move forward, leaving behind their “loser” existence. If this sounds like you, then you are living in a happy marriage. But if you feel that you are increasingly withering, degrading, and becoming unsure of yourself, then your marriage cannot be called happy.

Family life becomes happy:

• When people consciously chose each other.
• When they told themselves that they would try for the sake of their beloved partners.
• When they respect wishes and opinions that do not coincide with their own.
• When they are looking for common goals, they are interesting to both, they communicate openly, and do not harbor resentment against each other.
• When they understand that they are able to build relationships, they can calmly create a family with children.
• When they are ready to face problems, they agree to help each other if something doesn’t work out for someone.
• When everyone understands that the “atmosphere” in a relationship depends on what he himself does for the happiness of himself and his loved one.

It is not marriage that makes people happy, but it is entirely up to the partners what kind of marriage they create.

The results of unhappy marriages

Observing the misfortunes of others or experiencing grief themselves in marriage, people are increasingly beginning to live in a civil or guest marriage. This relationship does not require a stamp in your passport or obligations. These relationships may require that the so-called spouses do not live together. This is a relationship where the partners do not owe each other anything and can easily separate at any time. These are the results that come when you fail to build a happy marriage.

The saddest thing is that the children of unhappy spouses are watching all this. It is beginning to be considered normal to live in a civil or guest marriage, to create unhappy unions where they will be humiliated, endure bullying and suffer. Every parent should think about what example they are setting for their child who looks at them and believes that the way their parents live is how they should build their love relationships. Do you want your child to have the life you live yourself?