Why doesn't a person you don't know go away from your head? How to get a person out of your head? Psychologist's advice

What to do if a girl can't get out of her head? Well, first of all, you need to understand the reason for this. And when you understand the reason that a particular woman is stuck in your head, you can find a solution to this problem. For example, the most common reasons why guys may have it is that one girl can’t get out of her head and thoughts, even the dreams of a guy, a man.

1. The most common reason is physical attraction, not love as it may seem, not falling in love, but only a strong attraction to the opposite sex. Very often, guys and men confuse falling in love and even love, when in fact they experience a banal physical attraction to a beautiful and sweet girl. Especially if she also falls under his taste and type.

In this case, this passion and craving for a particular woman may fade away or even completely disappear after the same thing happens between a guy and a girl. This problem is especially common at a young age, when neither boys nor girls still really know how to distinguish sympathy from falling in love and love from physical attraction to the opposite sex. It is very easy to be deceived.

2. What to do if a girl is stuck in her head and won’t get out of her thoughts? If you understand that you don’t love her, aren’t in love, and don’t even feel sympathy, but only the desire to have the same thing with her, then it’s better to calm down, because there will be a lot more such girls in your life. And what now, because of each of which you have the same thing, suffer all the time, no, start growing up and coping with the physical stress of being tested because of the attraction to a specific girl who is stuck in your head.

3. What if it's more than just attraction? What to do if you realize that you feel sympathy for her, and perhaps even love? In this case, the girl may also not get out of her head, she will definitely not get out of her head the entire time. Until you move your relationship from this point. If you haven’t communicated yet, then it’s time. If you are hesitant to ask out, then go ahead.

Until you get to know her better, until you understand what kind of future is even possible for you, you will not get her out of your head. Most often, until you approach and talk to such a girl, you idealize her in your soul and head. This happens to absolutely everyone during their student years and generally at a young age. At school or at college, you see her every day, the girl of your dreams, as you sincerely think. And so the days pass, and you still watch her from the side and nothing else.

And as long as it stays like this, it won’t get out of my head. Unless some new equally attractive stranger appears and knocks the first one out of her head. Well, there is only one way to cope with this sympathy. Destroy your unfamiliarity with her. Come up and get acquainted, chat, offer to go on a date. When you approach and talk, you will understand that she is not ideal, but just an ordinary girl.

Most often, a girl seems ideal to us and better than everyone else, as long as she remains a mystery and a stranger to a guy or a man. As soon as you start to get to know her better, you understand that in 99% of cases, these ideal girls who have been in your head for so long turn out to be no better than all other women in the world.

You need to destroy this illusion that she is not like everyone else, first get to know her, and then think about her this way or that way. In my student life, I spent too much time on girls whom I idealized in my head, who could not get out of my head. I couldn't think about anything or anyone else. Until I met them and didn’t communicate, until I went on a date with them, and I realized that there was nothing special about them.

I don’t deny this pleasant feeling when you are enveloped by all this sympathy or youthful student love. But sometimes it can be very harmful to your studies and communication with other people. You may miss the one that you won’t even notice while you are fixated on another, perhaps even a very unworthy girl who has stuck in your head and prevents you from seeing the rest of the world around you and the people in it, and other girls, perhaps much more worthy of you than the one that can’t get out of your head.

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Without suffering, it is impossible to feel the taste of life, learn to appreciate it and enjoy every little thing. Trials build character, give impetus to creative development, and develop sensitivity to understanding the experiences of other people, but whenever faced with the loss of a relationship, everyone asks the question of how to forget the person you love. Psychology comes to the rescue, giving advice that allows you to accept the current situation.

Love is coming

Even the most tender and sincere relationships can end because human feelings are fickle and cannot always be explained rationally. When people are in love or blinded by passion, they are uncritical of emerging everyday problems, differences in upbringing, perception of life, and shortcomings of their partner. It is impossible to build something lasting and lasting on feelings alone, which means you need to be prepared for the fact that they will end sooner or later. Various studies "give" passion from three to eight years. It should be replaced by mutual respect, cooperation, and spiritual closeness.

But no one is immune from the fact that one of the partners will not develop new feelings for another person, or he will not begin to feel discomfort in the existing relationship. It’s easier for the one who first fell out of love or the first to decide to break up. How can one forget a former loved one who was not ready for such a development of events, whose feelings are still alive, because it is impossible to simultaneously fall out of love with the wave of a magic wand. The first and most important step that needs to be taken is to recognize the right of everyone to make their own choice and make their own decisions. It is impossible to keep a person near you by appealing to his promises, past confessions and sense of duty.

And the common expression “fighting for love” has nothing to do with putting pressure on a partner. It is rather a call to express one’s own feelings, so that a person understands that he is loved. But he will decide how important it is for him.

Unpromising relationship

At the very beginning of a relationship, there is always the opportunity to interrupt it if one of the partners does not see the prospects for its development. Vulnerable people, with low self-esteem and fear of loneliness, often get involved in such affairs. Instead of developing - working on appearance, intelligence, professional career - a person rushes towards adventurous developments of events. There will be no question of how to get a person out of your head if you stop in time. Unpromising relationships can be a conscious choice of both: a holiday or office romance, a purely sexual relationship, mutual use of each other (teacher-student, leader-subordinate).

This does not ensure that one of the partners will not become psychologically dependent and will not suffer after a breakup. There are examples when such relationships develop into real feelings, but this is always a risk that a person takes quite consciously. However, there are times when this happens unconsciously, if one of the parties stubbornly ignores the signs of a hopeless relationship that should be addressed:

  • Obvious shortcomings or habits that the partner is not ready to put up with in the hope of changing the situation and “re-education”.
  • Inequality in social status, age, level of development.
  • A person will most likely have to face the problem of how to forget a loved one if parents or other significant people are against a relationship with him.
  • Unequal contribution to the development of relationships (emotional, financial, personal).
  • Lack of mutual interests (besides sex).

Stages of Suffering

When breaking up, a person must be prepared for the fact that it is impossible to leave the relationship with a joyful smile. He will have to go through all the stages of grief, which are akin to the departure of a loved one from life, because now he actually has to live without the previous format of communication. What are these stages?

  • State of shock and numbness. Especially when the decision to break up takes you by surprise. It may last several days.
  • Denial of reality. Instead of solving the problem of how to get a person out of your head, the partner often tries to sort things out, refusing to believe in what is happening. The stage can last a month or more.
  • Accepting the current situation and experiencing the real pain of loss. It may last about six months.
  • Relieving suffering, relegating it to the background in the name of other tasks and realities of life.

Basic myths

One of the main misconceptions of people is the statement that time heals. Just as it is impossible to skip over the important stages of grief, it is also impossible not to be sad in the depths of your soul about the loss of a once loved one. This is another reason not to carry out dubious experiments on yourself when you get involved in a relationship without a future. But time teaches everyone to overcome pain and store it in the deep storehouses of the soul, allowing a person to live and realize his needs. Even when close relatives pass away, the acute pain dulls and fades into the background after a period of six months to a year.

The second misconception is that a wedge can only be knocked out with a wedge, which means that it is necessary to rush into a new relationship as quickly as possible. Firstly, it is not fair to the partner, who acts as a kind of pill and does not deserve to be used just because someone is going through mental suffering. And secondly, this is dishonest to oneself: without going through all the stages of grief, without making the necessary conclusions about the reasons for the separation, a person will constantly step on the same rake, again solving the problem of how to get the person out of his head.

The treacherous “if only…”

Relief will come only when the partner manages to accept the current situation and come to terms with the decision of the other party. What prevents this most of all? Paradoxically, hope, faith that it is still possible to change something, correct the situation, replay events, words, actions. If a partner has a soft character, he gives a second chance, then a third, but as a result, both waste time, nerves and destroy their own personality. Often, with this decision, the second party allows the first to “fall in love” and cope with the breakup to the detriment of their own interests and feelings. The first one feels better, but the second one develops aggression and hatred towards the one who simply took advantage of him. After all, it’s always easier to leave yourself than to find yourself abandoned.

How to get a loved one out of your head so as not to sow destruction and hatred around you? Respect your partner’s decision and do not try to find someone to blame for the breakup. Feelings go away not because someone is better, but someone is worse. This happens because the two people in the relationship are uncomfortable. You shouldn’t think about “if only…” and rush into the past. You should focus on what needs to change in the future.

Who is guilty?

The destruction of a relationship is always the responsibility of two. People were unable or unwilling to overcome difficulties and misunderstandings. Resentment is a child’s reaction to failed expectations, but the partner cannot be held responsible for the fact that he did not fully meet other people’s expectations. When falling in love passes and the rose-colored glasses fall off, everyone is free to decide whether they are on the same path with this person or not. The inability to accept him as he is is not love, but human selfishness and personal ambitions. The partner always has a choice: stay or leave. Staying means accepting a person with all his shortcomings.

During a romantic relationship, anyone tries to look better than they really are, so you need to be more attentive to those moments of how a person behaves with other people. If he leaves a previous relationship behaving in an unworthy manner, we can predict what will happen when his feelings for his new passion cool down. To overcome grievances, one should not stir up the past; the main motto should be the slogan “Do not remember.” The first step towards this is refusing to look for someone to blame for the destruction of the relationship.

Favorite activities

Memories overwhelm us when there are pauses in our activities. The best thing is to switch to work, a hobby or further education. The main condition is that the work is loved and requires dedication. The day must be planned so that there is no time left for idle pastime. If you have a vacation coming up that can't be rescheduled, it's best to go on a trip. New impressions excite the brain and evoke positive emotions, which are so necessary when you have to find for yourself the answer to the question of how to get a person out of your head.

Music is very helpful and has a therapeutic effect. You should definitely plan concerts of your favorite bands, make videos for their best songs, and discuss the released new album on the forum. All this is possible if the main condition is met - getting rid of the hope of a phone call, a change of decision or the mood of a loved one. This may happen, but let it be a surprise when life shows how much partners can do without each other. And then the decision will be made by the one who was left behind. In the meantime, you should delete the correspondence and stop looking for answers to today’s questions in past words.

Friends

At the first stage, it may be difficult for a person to simply get out of bed and leave the house. I want to be alone and cry. This is fine. Otherwise, how can you forget the person you love? Psychology describes cases when the process is delayed and people lose control of the situation. At these moments, the help of friends is needed and you should turn to them. They are not only able to listen and support a friend, but also help organize leisure time without leaving unnecessary free time. True friends will not make decisions for a person, giving this or that advice, but will focus on increasing self-esteem, which suffers in the first place.

There is an opinion that you should get rid of all things that remind you of a once loving person. Sometimes this is quite painful to do, so you can simply put everything in one box or drawer and put it in a distant place. Time heals to the extent that after a certain period, the acute phase of pain passes, and a person is able to make a decision, not based on emotions, whether to wear the once-gifted bracelet or not. This will largely depend on whether the partner has found the strength not only to accept the situation, but also to forgive the other person.

Forgiveness

After a few months, anyone is able to ask themselves the main question: what upsets them most about the breakup. Love is not always the cause of emotions. This could be resentment, disappointment, fear of loneliness, or a desire to achieve what you want at any cost - to get your partner back, for example. At this time, you can already abandon the “Don’t remember” rule, because turning to the past will not bring painful experiences. An honest conversation with yourself is very important in order to be ready to build new relationships and draw the right conclusions from past mistakes. The last step should be to forgive the once loved one, for this you need to try to put yourself in his place.

In psychology, there is a family therapy method called the Hellinger permutation method, which helps in building relationships between spouses. One of the principles is an attempt to analyze the actions and feelings of a partner. The method leads to an amazing discovery: even a partner who has fallen out of love, skillfully hiding his true feelings behind a mask of indifference or indifference, in his soul experiences a feeling of guilt, discomfort and dissatisfaction with himself. It was also painful and difficult for him to decide to break up, so the other has no choice but to forgive and forget the person with whom it simply turned out to be wrong in this life. Moreover, forgiveness is needed not so much for the partner as for oneself, in order to achieve the necessary harmony and peace.

Only after going all this way does a person become ready for the happiness waiting for him around the corner.

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This man can't get out of my head |

Good afternoon!!! I am writing here from Germany, because I have no more strength and there is no one to look for help there. My situation is this: I’m 33, I met a guy 2 months ago. He is Turkish, Muslim, but very intelligent, smart, and civilized, 6 years younger than me, but this did not bother him or me, we understood each other well, although we had not known each other for about a month. He looked for meetings himself, insisted, called, invited me to a cafe, and I, as a woman, understood that he liked me, but still I didn’t want to rush into intimacy and wasn’t in a hurry, so there was nothing between us except kisses.

At the last meeting, I told him that I was married, my husband and I had not been living together for about a year, the divorce case was already in court. After that, he hurried to take me home and then wrote in a message: good night Dana, you are a wonderful woman and I really like you, but I realized that we have different goals in life. I hope you are not offended by me, but I want to be honest with you before my feelings become more serious. Thank you that I had the opportunity to kiss such a beautiful woman like you.

The powerful amulet of Love is enchanted so that people who wear it constantly attract Love to themselves. The Love Talisman is made and customized strictly individually; you can order it here! I didn’t write anything, I was proud, I thought I’d forget, but no. Since I didn’t understand what was going on, we didn’t talk about goals in life and I’m sure it was something else. In general, from that moment this man can’t get out of my head, I can’t think about anything else, I fell in love with him very much. I tried not to think about him, met others, but I don’t want anyone, I can’t. Only him.

I visited a fortune teller here for the first time in my life, she said that he had serious intentions, he was not playing with me, but something or some beliefs took him away from me. She also said that he has been wearing some kind of Muslim protection since childhood, but it is old, but she does not know how to work with it.

Please masters help me. I'm ready to do a lot for him. I have his photo, phone number, I know his name, his date of birth, year or 1986 or 1987??? What will you advice me? Where to begin? What rituals do I need to do so that he returns to me, thinks about me, looks for a meeting, calls. I know that he is free, he has no one, neither a girlfriend nor a wife, otherwise I would not have decided to do this, I myself was a wife. I just don’t have the strength anymore, he’s with me every minute. Thanks in advance Dana. &1

Tagged with: wish fulfillment love stories love love spell

www.sudba.info

One girl can't get out of my head

A year ago, I fell very much in love with a girl who fell in love with me even earlier. When it seemed to me that our feelings were absolutely mutual, I invited this girl to develop our relationship further, but she said that she had stopped loving me and did not want any relationship at all. I was very upset about this then, and I worked myself up for another half a year. Psychologically, I seem to have become very attached. Now I have another girl who is not indifferent to me, I want everything to be fine with her, so that I don’t upset her, so that everything is calm. But this is *calmly* very difficult for me personally, because that girl with whom things didn’t work out periodically pops up in my head, moreover, I sometimes dream about her. We haven’t communicated for a year now (even without a hello-bye), but we see each other often, but she doesn’t even look in my direction (I don’t chase the opportunity to see her either). At the level of thought, I always tell myself, absolutely confident in this, that I don’t want anything with this girl, I don’t want to know her, I don’t want to somehow connect my life with her. But on some other level it always seems to me that at the slightest opportunity I would establish all contacts with her, as if there was some kind of hope. But I don't need this hope. I'm very afraid that if the opportunity really comes up, I will run away from my girlfriend to her. It pisses me off to live like this. I want strong, healthy love with a good, bright, worthy, kind person who will not betray, will not turn away and will be faithful, that is, with my current girlfriend. I was so bewitched by this dependence on what is not there, what is not possible and what I do not want, that I am ready for any feats in order for this topic to be closed in my life forever. To be honest, even the outcome of this situation (I assume everything) doesn’t bother me as much as this topic. Although I lived like this for six months, almost didn’t think, and now there’s an exacerbation. What do i do? How should I reason? What can I do? I hope they don’t write here *love is evil - you’ll love a goat* or *they knock out a wedge with a wedge* - the 2nd proverb doesn’t work at all.

www.all-psy.com

A stranger can't get out of my head

Question to a psychologist

Thoughts about a person I don’t know are constantly spinning in my head! I saw it a couple of times, there was no conversation as such, we don’t even know each other’s names, sometimes we cross paths, he notices me, and I notice him, but we don’t talk, he doesn’t get out of my head at all! I’m a student, there’s enough communication, I don’t know why exactly does he stay in my head?

Answers from psychologists

Psychologist Almaty Was on the site: Today

Replies on the site: 2172 Conducts trainings: 2 Publications: 2

Hello Malika! It seems that something caught your attention in him, you met your eyes, feelings arose, but you stopped them, interest in him appeared. Until you pluck up the courage to talk, this feeling will constantly remind you of it. Metaphorically, it can be compared to a child who explores the world, but his parents forbid him because of their anxiety. The child’s interest does not disappear anywhere, but becomes even more attractive. Apparently, you are embarrassed to show interest; your shame prevents you from taking the first step. I suggest you take care of yourself, come up yourself and say that he reminds you of someone, or come up with something else. Be more confident in yourself! Good luck to you!

Khabdullina Sandugash Zhumagazinovna, psychologist in Almaty

Psychologist Moscow Was on the site: Today

Replies on the site: 349 Conducts trainings: 3 Publications: 3

Malika! Perhaps he matches the image of your “ideal man”. Each of us at one time had an ideal man, with a set of certain qualities. And now in your thoughts you are most likely trying to endow this person with non-existent qualities. And it seems to you that here he is...... something there and someone there. Draw some pictures, maybe where you are together or apart.

You must understand and accept one thing now - that you are interested in him for some reason... And now you need to either talk to him, or understand that he is not promising for you as a man. You can work on self-esteem for these steps. Good luck!

Konopleva Natalya Vitalievna, Moscow, face-to-face and Skype consultations.

Psychologist Moscow Last visit: 14 days ago

Replies on the site: 81 Conducts trainings: 0 Publications: 9

Hello Malika!

Ask yourself, what development of events do you want? It is quite possible that you just like to fantasize about this “mysterious stranger”, and the fact that you do not communicate only adds to the attractiveness of his image. The less contact, the more space for imagination. And then there is no need to do anything. This stranger may remain a pleasant fantasy for you...

If you are still interested in finding out what kind of person he really is, then there is no other choice but to make contact with him. It could be a smile, a greeting, a joke or anything else... . Only by showing yourself can you dispel this uncertainty.

Garasyuta Zlata, psychologist in Moscow, direction - transactional analysis

04.02.2018 | 1064

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How to interest a man

We all want mutual love, because feelings without reciprocity do not bring us the harmony and pleasure that we receive if we feel loved. And, unfortunately, it often happens that the man you like can’t get out of your head. A week passes, another, month after month, and he is still the most desirable for us. But, as you know, you can’t order your heart. And here there is nothing left but an attempt to capture his attention. The main question before us is how to interest a man?

Men and women are completely different creatures, diametrically opposed, but despite this, there is still something similar between us. For example, to be happy, men also need to eat a little tasty food, have a good rest, be warm, feel comfortable, feel that they are caring for them, receive affection and attention, as well as a kind attitude. But this is already at a serious stage of the relationship, and now we need to create these relationships. How can this be achieved? To do this, you need to make sure that the man takes your bait and becomes interested in you. And here the easiest way is to use the most ancient and effective method. Namely, satisfying his passion for hunting! That is, in order to get into the field of vision of a man, you must become a victim, and he must become a hunter tracking you down, feel the excitement, come up with ways to hunt you down, take possession of you. And here, in this game of hunter and prey, several rules can be distinguished.

Firstly, one of the key points is appearance, namely your sexuality and attractiveness. Despite the fact that men claim that they notice eyes and intelligence in a woman at the first meeting, they cannot be trusted. They are driven by sexual attraction. But in order to be sexy, stylish and sophisticated, one should not allow even a hint of accessibility and vulgarity. Feminine strength lies in a carefully thought-out appearance and seductive behavior. You need to be modest and seductive, without forgetting elegance and charm, so that he wants to figure you out again and again.

Secondly, you need to remember your femininity. You need to demonstrate your weakness and admire his strength, knowledge and awareness. You must be weaker than him in everything, at least seem so to him, let him think that without his help you will get lost, lost, and will not be able to do something on your own. Do not hesitate to ask his opinion, or even better, in a difficult situation, tearfully ask what you should do and what to do. Here he will be struck by your femininity and tenderness, realizing that without him you, a fragile creature, will disappear in this terrible world, and even worse, you will be taken away and taken over by someone else who will demonstrate his masculine strength.

Caucasians about Russian women

Such is life that sooner or later a large percentage of relationships (whether friendship or relationships between the sexes) are destroyed. Some of them are fleeting and leave virtually no trace in the heart and mind, while some, on the contrary, cannot be forgotten for years. What to do in such a situation? How to stop thinking about a person who used to be a part of your life?

Memory cannot be killed...

Memories and thoughts are very difficult to control, but there are situations in which, only by learning to cut off any thought in your head about a person from the past, will you be able to go through life without him. Yes, it is difficult, yes, through tears and pain, but you need to survive it, and not by giving up, but in a difficult struggle with yourself. To make this process easier, you need to follow these tips:

  • Find a replacement. Not to the person, of course, but to the thoughts about him. If you use mental abilities in any specific direction, then they will displace those thoughts on which the brain was previously focused. For example, you can carefully plan your time in order to be surrounded by people as often as possible: go on a visit, sign up for a club or course, attend entertainment events, learn a new language - in a word, distract yourself especially intensely at first, and then think about people will visit you less and less often and will no longer touch your heart as much as before;
  • Eliminate contact. Although you may think that you have control over yourself and that communication with the person who has been a part of your life does not cause you anxiety, this is actually not the case. Therefore, at first, try not to intersect in any way, do not call or write to him. Also reject his desire to communicate if there is one;
  • Don't focus on the bad. Some adhere to the following point of view: in order to stop thinking about a person, you need to constantly analyze his shortcomings in order to gradually begin to think about him negatively, and, therefore, have no reason to think in a positive way. While this may seem reasonable at times, there are actually better methods. After all, even thinking about the negative in a person, you return to the past;
  • Share your feelings. It is useful to have a friend who is always ready to listen to you, but at the same time can stop you in time so that you do not feel too sorry for yourself. This is very important, because constantly sympathetic friends only aggravate the situation, and do not contribute to its solution;
  • Help others. When a person delves into other people’s problems and provides support, then his personal difficulties become less significant, and sometimes he even understands that they are not significant against the background of what is happening to other people;
  • Know how to forgive. Whatever the grievances against a person, they in any case touch the heart over and over again. Therefore, in order to stop thinking about him, you need to forgive and mentally let go. Then it will be easier for you to live on;
  • Give yourself time. Feelings that develop over a long time cannot disappear in an instant and one cannot argue with that. Therefore, do not beat yourself up for the fact that sometimes memories return, but try to focus on what you have already been able to achieve.

We all want mutual love, because feelings without reciprocity do not bring us the harmony and pleasure that we receive if we feel loved. And, unfortunately, it often happens that the man you like can’t get out of your head. A week passes, another, month after month, and he is still the most desirable for us. But, as you know, you can’t order your heart. And here there is nothing left but an attempt to capture his attention. The main question before us is how to interest a man?

Men and women are completely different creatures, diametrically opposed, but despite this, there is still something similar between us. For example, to be happy, men also need to eat a little tasty food, have a good rest, be warm, feel comfortable, feel that they are caring for them, receive affection and attention, as well as a kind attitude. But this is already at a serious stage of the relationship, and now we need to create these relationships. How can this be achieved? To do this, you need to make sure that the man takes your bait and becomes interested in you. And here the easiest way is to use the most ancient and effective method. Namely, satisfying his passion for hunting! That is, in order to get into the field of vision of a man, you must become a victim, and he must become a hunter tracking you down, feel the excitement, come up with ways to hunt you down, take possession of you. And here, in this game of hunter and prey, several rules can be distinguished.

Firstly, one of the key points is appearance, namely your sexuality and attractiveness. Despite the fact that men claim that they notice eyes and intelligence in a woman at the first meeting, they cannot be trusted. They are driven by sexual attraction. But in order to be sexy, stylish and sophisticated, one should not allow even a hint of accessibility and vulgarity. Feminine strength lies in a carefully thought-out appearance and seductive behavior. You need to be modest and seductive, without forgetting elegance and charm, so that he wants to figure you out again and again.

Secondly, you need to remember your femininity. You need to demonstrate your weakness and admire his strength, knowledge and awareness. You must be weaker than him in everything, at least seem so to him, let him think that without his help you will get lost, lost, and will not be able to do something on your own. Do not hesitate to ask his opinion, or even better, in a difficult situation, tearfully ask what you should do and what to do. Here he will be struck by your femininity and tenderness, realizing that without him you, a fragile creature, will disappear in this terrible world, and even worse, you will be taken away and taken over by someone else who will demonstrate his masculine strength.

Getting a man interested is not an easy task, so you need to be prepared for the effort. You will have to take care of your figure, face, taste, manners.

And finally, don't forget that in order to interest a man, you have to play with him! But you shouldn’t simplify or make this game too complicated, requiring great emotional investment. In each of these cases, a man may leave, in an easy game with an available girl he may become bored, and in a too difficult game he may be afraid of being rejected and ridiculed. After all, they are so vulnerable, these men.

Endless internal monologues on the topic “If I had prepared a three-course breakfast and had not been jealous of Vasechka’s female colleagues, we would still be together” are useless, although they serve as a signal that for you this relationship has not yet ended. Elena Novoselova, psychologist, author and host of the “Master of the Situation” program on BEST FM radio, claims that your actions are the result of personal experience and no amount of advice from friends could change it. Which means you simply couldn’t do otherwise. And it’s not a fact that it was a quarrel that caused the breakup, sometimes people are not suitable for each other, and nothing can be done about it.

Evaluate what happened

Determine what you will do next time in a similar situation. Now that she has become part of your history, it is much easier to develop new patterns of behavior. “Rethinking your own experience is very important,” explains the expert. - Let's say, you used to cry every time your loved one spent the evening with classmates, and not with you. Ask yourself, maybe you shouldn’t worry so much.” To finally stop thinking about your ex, apply the conclusions you made in your relationship with your new partner.

Turn off the word mixer

That is, attempts to prove to the ex how wrong he was are those that occur exclusively in your imagination. Learn to track the moments when you mentally begin to argue with your ex. Often this is easy to notice on the physical level: you feel a wave of indignation and resentment rising from the solar plexus to the throat. And after that the emotions turn into words. Try to return to reality using a simple but effective method: silently list everything you see, mentioning the color of each item: “The car is red, the tree is green, the house is blue, the girl’s bag is pink, the same as her shoes - ugh, what?” for terrible bad taste! Who dresses like that in 2016?” That's it, the trick was a success! You “emerged” from the state into which you almost plunged headlong.

Draw conclusions

Another self-help technique is to put your novel down on paper. Moreover, by hand, and not using the keyboard, without criticism or any additional comments. In order to be absolutely honest with yourself, decide in advance: this is not a story that you are going to publish or give to your Internet friends to read, and not even a page from a diary that your daughter will get in the future. Otherwise, the temptation is too great to edit events, appearing before an imaginary audience better than you really are. Yes, this work can take a lot of time - up to one or two months, but this is how you can let go of the experiences that set your teeth on edge. When finished, indicate what new things you understood for yourself; what I would like to do in the future, finding myself in similar circumstances. It is to the final part of your work that you should sometimes return: you will probably still be drawn to change something in it, cross out or add - and this is absolutely normal.

watch yourself

By changing your own behavior, you learn self-control. This does not mean that you will no longer be able to spontaneously fall in love or give free rein to your feelings. Rather, you get the opportunity to get rid of the unconscious, often
other people's attitudes that latently influence you. Elena Novoselova gives an example from practice: “Come to me
A lot of girls come in, confident that after a year of relationship a man should propose to them, and if this doesn’t happen, it’s time to leave him. But in such a short period it is impossible to get to know your partner well. Most often, this is an imposed belief: someone heard something similar from their mother, someone succumbed to television propaganda, but in order to separate your opinion from the point of view of another person, you cannot do without introspection.”


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