The family and its role in the upbringing of children. Positive roles of the child in the family

Federal Agency for Education of the Russian Federation

Barnaul State Pedagogical University

Department of Psychology and Pedagogy of Primary Education

Essay

Subject: “The place of the child in the family. Functions of father and mother.

Performed:

Checked:

Barnaul 2007

Introduction…………………………………………………………………………..3

The place of the child in the family…………………………………………………………...4

Functions of father and mother……………………………………………………………..7

Conclusion………………………………………………………………………….10

List of used literature…………………………………………...11

Introduction

Family - a cell (small social group) of society, the most important form of organizing personal life, based on marital union and family ties, i.e. relations between husband and wife, parents and children, brothers and sisters, and other relatives living together and leading a common household based on a unified family budget. Family life is characterized by material and spiritual processes. Through the family, generations of people are replaced, a person is born in it, the race continues through it. The family, its forms and functions directly depend on social relations in general, as well as on the level of cultural development of society. Naturally, the higher the culture of society, therefore, the higher the culture of the family.

The essence of the family is reflected in its functions, structure and role behavior of its members.

In this work, we will try to establish the place of the child in the family, as well as to determine the functions of the father and mother.

Place of the child in the family

Traditionally, the main institution of education is the family. What a child acquires in the family in childhood, he retains throughout his subsequent life. The importance of the family as an institution of education is due to the fact that during a significant part of one's life, and in terms of the duration of its impact on a person, none of the institutions of education can be compared with the family. It lays the foundations of the child's personality, and by the time he enters school, he is already more than half formed as a person.

The family can act as both a positive and a negative factor in upbringing. The positive impact on the personality of the child is that no one, except for the people closest to him in the family - mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister, treats the child better, does not love him and does not care so much about him. And at the same time, no other social institution can potentially do as much harm in raising children as a family can.

The family is a special kind of collective that plays the main, long-term and most important role in education. Anxious mothers often raise anxious children; ambitious parents often suppress their children so much that this leads to the appearance of an inferiority complex in them; an unrestrained father who loses his temper at the slightest provocation, often, without knowing it, forms a similar type of behavior in his children, etc.

In connection with the special educational role of the family, the question arises of how to do so in order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative influences of the family on the upbringing of the child. To do this, it is necessary to accurately determine the intra-family socio-psychological factors that have educational value.

The main thing in the upbringing of a small person is the achievement of spiritual

unity, the moral connection of parents with the child. In no case should parents let the process of upbringing take its course even at an older age, leave a grown-up child alone with himself.

It is in the family that the child receives the first life experience, makes the first observations and learns how to behave in various situations. It is very important that what we teach a child is supported by concrete examples, so that he sees that in adults theory does not diverge from practice. (If your child sees that his mom and dad, who every day tell him that it’s not good to lie, without noticing it, deviate from this rule, all education can go down the drain.)

A family is created not only for the happiness of two, but also for the happiness of their children. Children are a real, tangible embodiment of the love of spouses. The appearance of the first-born in the family makes the spouses truly close, relatives.

Meanwhile, to the question: “When and how many children to have?” must be answered already in the first days of married life. Usually in happy, stable families, the second and subsequent children are born. Conflict families are limited to one child. The most rational option is to give birth to a child in the very first years of marriage.

The main function of the family is the upbringing of children. And here, too, it is very important to properly distribute the roles and responsibilities of parents. There is such a type of parental love, when the child displaces all other interests, maximum strength and time are given to him. And if such a position is occupied by one of the spouses - no matter what. But if both? In this case, the child becomes the center of the family, grows spoiled, accustomed to the fact that his desires are immediately fulfilled. The spouses themselves usually argue about the methods of education, criticize each other's pedagogical methods, compete, seeking the love of a child. If there are two children, then each spouse chooses a favorite for himself and focuses his tender feelings only on him.

A family can live if it performs poorly or does not perform at all any of its functions other than parental. The family dies if it ceases to do what it was created for - the upbringing of children.

Young families are of particular concern. Much is said about the infantilism of youth, the weakening of the sense of responsibility, the dependence on parents, which weakens the family. Leisure is an urgent problem for young families. The life of a young family with the advent of the first child becomes incredibly complicated. There is still no experience in dealing with children, parents are afraid of every trifle, worry about the most insignificant reasons, sometimes they fall into a real panic.

Expecting a child is a real test for love, and his birth is a test of the strength of family ties. Quite a few marriages break up in the very first year after the birth of a child, breaks up at the initiative of men who cannot stand the test of fatherhood. More precisely, men, whose selfishness turned out to be stronger than all other feelings.

After the birth of a baby, a young husband does not have the right to withdraw from caring for him, he must help his wife in her endless worries about the child, otherwise he will deprive himself of many joys. By entrusting all the care of the little one to his wife alone, the husband himself does not give her the opportunity to do anything else, including the house and himself. In such a situation, under such circumstances, discomfort inevitably arises in the family. The husband begins to feel superfluous, unnecessary, unloved, not suspecting that he himself is completely guilty of this. And, as a consequence of the above, the husband is increasingly beginning to flicker the idea that he can change everything at will. How? Get divorced! And then - freedom again, no worries, no screaming. Again he is the beloved, the only, well-groomed ...

With the arrival of a child, an all-consuming feeling comes to a woman that often even the most beloved husband fades into the background for some time. And if this child is not one of those who only eat, sleep and do not cause any special concerns to parents, but one that requires sleepless nights, and tireless care, and nerves, then in addition to emotions, all the time of the mother belongs to him, all hours of the day.

It is clear that a husband who expresses dissatisfaction with a hanger that has not been sewn on or an ironed shirt, while the child is overwhelmed by screaming or the mother is not getting along with feeding, is caused, to put it mildly, not the kindest feelings. And a young mother, not getting enough sleep, tired, it is quite possible that she will not react to her husband's claims in the way he himself would like. Of course, the wife could find other words and a different tone ... but understand her too.

Therefore, with the very, very objectivity, women cannot be reproached. And there is only one way out: the spouses must together bear the burden of caring for the newborn and at the same time show special delicacy and sensitivity to each other.

Fear for a child, especially in the first year of his life, often causes quarrels and disagreements between young parents.

The family as the primary cell is the educational cradle of humanity. The family mainly brings up children. In the family, the child receives the first labor skills. He develops the ability to appreciate and respect the work of people, there he gains experience in caring for parents, relatives and friends, learns how to rationally consume various material goods, and accumulates experience in dealing with money.

The best example is that of parents. In most cases, children are a reflection of their parents. Of course, the educational function does not end there. You can also talk about self-education in the family.

Father and mother functions

At all times, the place of the father in the family was great and nothing could be replaced. By nature and society, every man is prepared to become a husband, a father, just like every woman - a mother and wife. A person always thinks about what will remain after him when he passes away. No wonder it is noticed that a person is like a tree, powerful with its roots. Therefore, entering into marriage, a man takes on a huge responsibility - to be a father, a support in the family.

However, with the spread of the urban lifestyle, in fact, more and more often the family life is led by a woman-wife, mother. The authority of the father fell significantly, due to the reduction in his share of participation in family affairs. Modern apartments have everything, and children often do not see their father's work example. His work is almost completely taken out of the family. Another thing is the mother. Although she also works in production, the working day at home also exists.

Types of unfavorable roles of the child in the family

"Family idol". The child causes the general admiration of the family, no matter how he behaves. Any or almost any of his whims is immediately fulfilled by adults, and one of them who does not do this is reproached by the rest. In such an atmosphere, the child grows up pampered, capricious, and, most importantly, deeply egocentric, because from an early age he gets used to putting his person in the center of the universe.

"Mom's, (dad's, grandmother's, etc.) treasure."

This is similar to the role of the "idol of the family", but in this case the child is not a common, but someone's personal idol. For example, a mother, deeply dissatisfied with her marriage, subconsciously tries to pour out on her child all the passion, tenderness, and sacrifice inherent in her nature (the same sometimes happens with dad). The child is thus placed in a difficult position. Indeed, the boy who is "mother's treasure" is forced to endure the ridicule of other family members as a "mama's boy." The girl - "daddy's treasure" - can be regarded by others as "daddy's daughter". It is very difficult for children to be torn between several elders, clearly realizing that one must behave differently with others.

The role of the "good boy".

Usually everyone is pleased with a well-mannered, obedient, exemplary child; meanwhile, behind an attempt by adults to make a child irreproachable, an atmosphere of imaginary cooperation in the family is often hidden. The child is expected, first of all, to observe decency; he confirms these expectations with his exemplary behavior, and for this he is rewarded by his elders. What is the real content of the inner life, before that, in essence, no one cares. And constant hypocrisy becomes for the child the norm of existence for life.

A special case isthe role of the sick child.

Of course, there are many children whose health requires special attention and care. However, in life one can observe the following picture: a child who has been ill for a long time practically recovers and would like to feel equal with all other children, but someone in the family stubbornly continues to consider him weak and demand the same attitude towards him from others. This is where the conditional benefit of the sickness of the child for one of the family members is revealed. Either he is called upon to serve again as a trump card in someone's game, or as a means of someone's self-assertion in conditions of isolation. In addition, the mission of the guardian extends parental authority over the growing child.

Let us now turn to the roles of the negative plan, with the help of which the low value of the child in the family is fixed. Here, first of all, it is necessary to highlightthe role of the "terrible child"in its many varieties. A child forced to play this role (because such are the expectations of the elders) is perceived in the family as a subject who creates only troubles and tense situations. He is disobedient, self-willed, lax, devoid of a sense of duty and even malicious, since many of his actions can be considered as actions to spite adults. Everyone in the family does nothing but keep him in order with endless reprimands and punishments. Since this often does not have an effect, the child seems even more terrible to adults. So he appears the role of the tormentor.

A child subjected to isolation as a "terrible" child sometimes also acts as a"scapegoat"for family. For all its members, he is definitely bad, and this gives them the right to unleash their aggressiveness on him. After all, it is safer than discharging it on each other ... A child with such treatment can turn from "terrible" into"clogged" : he begins to fear punishment for any of his statements and any act.

The isolated child often has to play another role -"getting underfoot": he feels that he interferes with everyone and causes only irritation among his family ... There is no need to expand on how the need to play the roles just described in the family hurts and deforms the child's psyche. Such a child will never be able to overcome the consequences of home education.

The essence of good education is So that the socially approved behavior of the child is pushed not by fear and not by the desire to curry favor with anyone, but by his own conscience. When it is really formed in a child, then in his soul he reproaches himself for every unseemly act.
The best relationship develops between a child and his parents if
- parents always explain the reasons for their demands and encourage their discussion with the child;

Power is used to the extent necessary;

The child values ​​both obedience and independence;

The parent makes the rules and enforces them firmly, but does not consider himself infallible;

Parents listen to the opinion of the child, but do not proceed only from his desires.

(According to the book by A.B. Dobrovich)

Considering the family from a sociological point of view, we can talk about such a phenomenon as the functions of children in the family. The family as a single organism determines for all its members the specific roles that they are called upon to perform. This is one of the necessary conditions for the existence of the family as an integral system. Accordingly, the functions of children in the family are also clearly defined. If we rephrase this question, avoiding dry sociological formulations, then, in fact, the functions of children in the family can be expressed through the question: why do we need children; Why do we have children in marriage? A primitive biological answer cannot be given to this question, since in human society the influence of biology, which is understood as "the animal nature of man," is reduced to almost an absolute minimum. Slightly different laws apply here. Accordingly, what are the functions of children in the family?

The functions of children in the family can be primary and secondary, conscious and unconscious, modern and archaic (preserved in ancient times).
The need for children is associated with many needs of the individual, and, consequently, the functions of children in the life of the individual and the family are also ambiguous. In the context of the economic interests of the family and the individual, children are considered as breadwinners, support in old age and helpers in the household; in the context of marital relations, children act as a condition for the strength of marriage; within the framework of the purposeful behavior of the individual, children are regarded as the meaning of life and the object of application of various potentials of the individual - pedagogical, communicative, intellectual, creative, etc.; in the sphere of emotions and feelings, children are evaluated as a source and object of manifestation of humanism, love and affection.

Children are necessary for the family to be strong, joyful and full, respectively, one of the functions of children in the family is that they give harmony to married life. - tsovskiy and maternal potentials, qualities of an educator, children are also considered as descendants in whom one could continue their best features. In addition, the role of children in the family also has a psychologically protective function for parents. It is expressed in the fact that, having children, the parent is less afraid of old age, counts on help and support in old age.

These socio-psychological functions of children have a positive meaning for the family and the individual. However, the birth of a child also entails some negative consequences, and this is accompanied by the fact that the appearance of children is associated with their negative functions. Naturally, the reproductive behavior of the family is carried out taking into account negative concomitant circumstances. Another socio-psychological function of children in the family, according to which they are considered as the reason for the burden of spouses (or one of them) with family concerns and their complete or partial exclusion from the spheres of public, cultural life, rejection of loved ones affairs, circle of friends. Children are often able to play the role of a catalyst for understanding life conditions, that is, an impulse for reassessing values, understanding the complexity and seriousness of life. The presence of one or another number of children in the family can exacerbate in the minds of the spouses the dissatisfaction with the living conditions, material disadvantages, strained family relationships, the employment of women at work, the burdensomeness of housework.

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The role of the child in the family

The most typical roles of a child in a family

• Scapegoat. The child takes on the negative emotions of the parents.
• Pet. Parents do not have feelings for each other and the emotional vacuum is filled with exaggerated care for the child (demonstrative love).
• Baby. Doll, eternal child. The parent needs it only at a certain moment when he wants to take care of the child. If the parents are very close to each other, they only occasionally turn their love to the child, but, as a rule, he remains the third wheel.
• Conciliator. The child regulates and eliminates conflicts between parents. Often such children play the role of an adult in the family.

Some schemes are based on the emotional attitude of the parents (acceptance or rejection by the parents of the child).

• Hyper-care. Parents dictate every step to the child, control it, check it. Children get used to obey, they get used to the fact that everything is decided for them and everything is thought out. Such children are weak-willed, lack of initiative, prone to alcoholism and drug addiction (lack of will in an antisocial company). They can announce boycotts to parents, etc.
• Hypoprotection. The child is left to himself, feels unnecessary, unloved, forced to take care of himself. Children's needs are not being met; they lack toys, books, and so on. The extreme form is homelessness and Mowgli children. This is the main source of replenishment of criminal gangs, where there are unspoken laws - whoever is stronger is right.
• Family idol. At first glance, the child seems to be loved, they admire him, fulfill any of his desires. Such children believe in their exclusivity, superiority over others. They are selfish, get used to consuming and not giving anything in return. Lagging behind their peers in terms of self-service, biased assessment of themselves and others. Going into adulthood, they cannot fit into the hierarchy of subordination, it is difficult for them to behave adequately. There are also difficulties in establishing normal relationships with persons of the opposite sex and, as a result, difficulties in creating a family. They are often infantile. Such children are successful in life if parents invest in them certain skills.
• Cinderella. The child is periodically insulted, humiliated, they do not know care, affection, they are always opposed to other, better children. The child tries to do everything to meet the ideal and please the parents, but never receives encouragement. The child considers himself a burden. Most often, such children go into the fantasy world, where all problems are solved like in a fairy tale. Such children are initiativeless, quiet, act on the principle of "just to please", rarely achieve anything significant in life.
• Increased moral responsibility. A responsibility that does not correspond to age is placed on the shoulders of the child. Most often this happens when parents see their child as the fulfillment of their dreams, or when the child is given responsibility for a younger or elderly family member. There can be two options here:
  • the child copes, becomes serious beyond his age, becomes an adult, knows how to solve complex problems.
  • the child does not cope, becomes embittered, nervous, secretive and cunning. In such cases, suicides are not uncommon if the child cannot cope with the burden of responsibility (for example, an excellent student suddenly received a deuce).
• Education in the cult of disease. If the child himself is sick or if the parents see him as a sickly child - the use of the situation, the children enter a state of illness and blackmail their parents. Illness is perceived as a privilege that gives special rights. The child speculates on this, can become a tyrant for parents. When one of the family members is sick (or is considered sick) in the family, everyone dances around this person, the whole regime is subordinate to him. The child develops a certain attitude to the disease and to life.
• Prince's Throne. More often - in wealthy families, where parents are busy obtaining material wealth and there is no time to raise a child. As compensation - gifting a child. Such children most often protest against what was sacred to their parents. They go their own way and often ruin everything that their parents have achieved. If such children choose the path in the footsteps of their parents, they often turn out to be incapable.
• Contradictory upbringing. There can be two options: inconsistency between different parents, for example, mom says one thing - dad is different, or mom says one thing - grandmother is different. The second option is inconsistency in the requirements of one parent (especially if the parent is neurotic or schizophrenic). For example: You have to sit and study all the time! Why didn't you go to the store? (the child goes to the store) Where did you go? Etc. Such a child has to determine for himself what is possible and what is not. He does not understand who to listen to, whom to please, all this contributes to the development of neurosis.
• Changing patterns of education. First, the child is brought up according to one scheme, then according to another (divorce, the birth of another child, the death of one of the parents). The child either cannot adapt to changing styles or has difficulty adapting. The child may protest, neurotic reactions may occur, leaving the family, etc.

The role of the child in the family depends on the parents, the stability of their lives. Communication with children is often based on the experience of their parents. Today, there are three styles in family relations - authoritarian, liberal and democratic.

The role of children in the family is determined by relationships with parents

Parents do not choose any style on purpose, it is created due to the practiced skills, deeds, actions. The role of the child in the family depends on the chosen style of relationship between the child and parents.

The most unusual communication style is authoritarian. This means that all decisions are made by the parents themselves, and the role of the child in the family is to be a child. In many families, the head of the family is the father. Everyone must unconditionally obey him, and fulfill all his requirements. The child is constantly under control, encroaching on his freedom of will and choice. Much is forbidden, often severely punished. The child, like a puppet, does everything that is required of him. It is not right. It will be difficult for such a child to adapt in society and make decisions on his own. Parents who raise their children this way are flawed themselves. They carried this style from their parents. They were bullied in childhood, now, as if in revenge for their bad childhood, they bully their children. And then such people have to undergo long-term treatment by a psychiatrist.

Liberal family and the role of the child in it

What is the role of the child in the family in a liberal style? This is a complete mismatch with the authoritarian style, without despotism. There is no complete control over the child. The child is left to himself. Their actions are not limited in anything and they do not know how to bear responsibility for them. Permissiveness leads to low self-esteem of the child. Nobody needs him. And such children are looking for love on the side: they replenish the companies of drug addicts and thieves. Often these are families of alcoholics and drug addicts, where children are left to their own devices. In the future, it is also alcoholics and criminals. It rarely happens the other way around.

The role of children in a family of democratic communication style

The most correct style of communication is democratic. The child is under control, but without fanaticism. Children with this style of communication instill responsibility for their actions. They develop independence, and in life it will be easier for them to adapt. The opinion of the child in such a family is listened to.

The role of the child in the family rests entirely with the parents. How they will treat him, what methods of education they will apply, such a child will grow up. And, if you leave him to the mercy of fate and do not deal with him, then such a person will not bring anything good to the family or society.