Types of family by type of upbringing. Styles and types of family education

Quite often, people with children turn to psychologists for help. Moms and dads ask experts where undesirable qualities and bad behavior could come from in their beloved children. The most important role in the formation of personality is played by education. From his style and the type chosen by the parents, their future life depends. What methods and forms of education are used? This question is worth understanding, because the answer to it will be useful for all parents to know.

What is education and what styles exist?

The word "education" appeared in the speech of people for a very long time. This is evidenced by Slavic texts dated 1056. It was in them that the concept in question was first discovered. In those days, the word “education” was given meanings such as “nurture”, “nurture”, and a little later it began to be used in the meaning of “instruct”.

In the future, this concept was given many different interpretations by various specialists. If we analyze them, we can say that education is:

• the formation of a person who will be useful to society and who will be able to live in it, will not avoid other people, will not withdraw into himself;
• interaction between educators and students;
• learning process.

Parents, raising their children, often do not think about the organization of this process. They act according to intuition, life experience. Simply put, moms and dads raise their sons and daughters the way they do it. Thus, each family adheres to a certain style of education. By this term, experts understand the characteristic patterns of parental relationships with their child.

There are many classifications of parenting styles. One of them was proposed by Diana Baumrind. This American psychologist identified the following parenting styles:

• authoritarian;
• authoritative;
• liberal.

Later this classification was supplemented. Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin singled out another style. It was called indifferent. Some sources use such terms as “hypo-custody”, “indifferent style” to refer to this model. The styles of upbringing, the characteristics of each of them are considered in detail below.

Authoritarian parenting style

Some parents keep their children in strictness, apply harsh methods and forms of education. They give their children instructions and wait for them to be carried out. In such families, there are strict rules and requirements. Children must do everything, not argue. In case of misconduct and misbehavior, whims, parents punish their children, do not take into account their opinions, do not ask for any explanations. This style of family education is called authoritarian.

In this model, the independence of children is very limited. Parents who adhere to this parenting style think that their child will grow up obedient, executive, responsible and serious. However, the final result is completely unexpected for moms and dads:

1. Active and strong in character, children begin to show themselves, as a rule, in adolescence. They rebel, show aggression, quarrel with their parents, dream of freedom and independence, and that is why they often run away from their parents' house.
2. Insecure children obey their parents, they are afraid of them, they are afraid of punishment. In the future, such people turn out to be dependent, timid, withdrawn and gloomy.
3. Some children, growing up, take an example from their parents - create families similar to those in which they grew up, keep both wives and children in strictness.

Authoritative style in family education

Experts in some sources refer to this model as “democratic style of education”, “cooperation”, as it is the most favorable for the formation of a harmonious personality. This parenting style is based on warm relationships and a fairly high level of control. Parents are always open to communication, strive to discuss and solve all problems with their children. Moms and dads encourage the independence of sons and daughters, but in some cases they can point out what needs to be done. Children listen to the elders, they know the word "must".

Through an authoritative parenting style, children become socially adjusted. They are not afraid to communicate with other people, they know how to find a common language. An authoritative parenting style allows you to grow independent and self-confident individuals who have high self-esteem and are capable of self-control.

The authoritative style is the ideal parenting model. However, exclusive adherence to it is still undesirable. For a child at an early age, authoritarianism emanating from parents is necessary and useful. For example, mothers and fathers should point out the wrong behavior to the baby and require him to comply with any social norms and rules.

Liberal model of relations

Liberal parenting is observed in those families where parents are very indulgent. They communicate with their children, allow them absolutely everything, do not establish any prohibitions, strive to demonstrate unconditional love for their sons and daughters.

Children brought up in families with a liberal model of relations have the following features:

• are often aggressive, impulsive;
• strive to deny themselves nothing;
• love to show off
• do not like physical and mental labor;
• demonstrate self-confidence bordering on rudeness;
• conflict with other people who do not indulge them.

Very often, the inability of parents to control their child leads to the fact that he falls into asocial groups. Sometimes a liberal parenting style works well. From some children who have known freedom and independence from childhood, active, determined and creative people grow up (what kind of person a particular child will become depends on the characteristics of his character, laid down by nature).

Indifferent style of raising a child in a family

In this model, such parties as indifferent parents and embittered children stand out. Moms and dads do not pay attention to their sons and daughters, treat them coldly, do not show care, affection and love, they are only busy with their own problems. Children are not limited. They don't know any restrictions. They are not instilled with such concepts as “kindness”, “compassion”, therefore, children do not show sympathy for either animals or other people.

Some parents not only show their indifference, but also hostility. Children in such families feel not needed. They have destructive impulses.

Classification of types of family education according to Eidemiller and Yustiskis

An important role in the formation of personality is played by the type of family education. This is a characteristic of the value orientations and attitudes of parents, emotional attitude towards the child. E. G. Eidemiller and V. V. Yustiskis created a classification of relationships in which they identified several main types that characterize the upbringing of boys and girls:

1. Indulgent hyperprotection. All attention of the family is directed to the child. Parents strive to satisfy all his needs and whims as much as possible, fulfill desires and make dreams come true.
2. Dominant overprotection. The child is in the center of attention. His parents are constantly watching him. The independence of the child is limited, because mom and dad periodically put some prohibitions and restrictions on him.
3. Cruel treatment. The family has a huge number of requirements. The child must comply with them unquestioningly. Disobedience, whims, refusals and bad behavior are followed by cruel punishments.
4. Neglect. With this type of family upbringing, the child is left to himself. Mom and dad do not care about him, are not interested in him, do not control his actions.
5. Increased moral responsibility. Parents do not pay much attention to the child. However, they place high moral demands on him.
6. Emotional rejection. can be carried out according to the type of "Cinderella". Parents are hostile and unfriendly towards the child. They do not give affection, love and warmth. At the same time, they are very picky about their child, they demand that they observe order, obey family traditions.

Classification of types of education according to Garbuzov

V. I. Garbuzov noted the decisive role of educational influences in shaping the characteristics of the child's character. At the same time, the specialist identified 3 types of raising children in the family:

1. Type A. Parents are not interested in the individual characteristics of the child. They do not take them into account, they do not seek to develop them. The upbringing of this type is characterized by strict control, the imposition of the only correct behavior on the child.
2. Type B. This type of upbringing is characterized by the anxious and suspicious concept of parents about the child's health and social status, the expectation of success in school and future work.
3. Type B. Parents, all relatives pay attention to the child. He is the idol of the family. All his needs and desires are sometimes satisfied to the detriment of family members and other people.

Clemence study

Swiss researchers led by A. Clemence identified the following styles of raising children in the family:

1. Directive. In this family style, all decisions are made by the parents. The task of the child is to accept them, to fulfill all the requirements.
2. Participatory. The child can make decisions about himself. However, the family has a few general rules. The child is obliged to comply. Otherwise, parents apply punishments.
3. Delegating. The child makes his own decisions. Parents do not impose their points of view on him. They do not pay much attention to him until his behavior leads to serious problems.

Disharmonious and harmonious education

All considered styles of upbringing in the family and types can be combined into 2 groups. This is a disharmonious and harmonious upbringing. For each group, some features are inherent, which are indicated in the table below.

Disharmonious and harmonious education

Characteristics	Disharmonious upbringing	Harmonious education
Emotional Component	the parent does not pay attention to the child, does not show affection, care towards him; parents treat the child cruelly, punish him, beat him; parents give their child too much attention.	in the family, all members are equal; attention is paid to the child, parents take care of him; there is mutual respect in communication.
cognitive component	the position of the parent is not thought out; the needs of the child are met excessively or insufficiently; there is a high level of inconsistency, inconsistency in the relationship of parents with children, a low level of cohesion of family members.	the rights of the child are recognized in the family; independence is encouraged, freedom is limited within reason; there is a high level of satisfaction of the needs of all family members; the principles of education are characterized by stability, consistency.
Behavioral Component	the child's actions are controlled; parents punish their child; everything is allowed to the child, his actions are not controlled.	the actions of the child are first controlled, as they grow older, the transition to self-control is carried out; the family has an adequate system of rewards and sanctions.

Why is there disharmonious upbringing in some families?

Parents use inharmonious types and styles of education in the family. This happens for various reasons. These are life circumstances, and character traits, and the unconscious problems of modern parents, and unmet needs. Among the main causes of disharmonious upbringing are the following:

• projection onto the child of one's own undesirable qualities;
• underdevelopment of parental feelings;
• educational uncertainty of parents;
• the fear of losing a child.

At the first reason, parents see in the child those qualities that they themselves have, but do not recognize them. For example, a child has a tendency to laziness. Parents punish their child, treat him cruelly because of the presence of this personal quality. The struggle allows them to believe that they themselves do not have this shortcoming.

The second above-named reason is observed in those people who did not experience parental warmth in childhood. They do not want to deal with their child, they try to spend less time with him, not to communicate, so they use inharmonious styles of family upbringing of children. Also, this reason is observed in many young people who were not psychologically ready for the appearance of a child in their lives.

Educational uncertainty occurs, as a rule, in weak personalities. Parents with such a defect do not make special demands on the child, satisfy all his desires, since they cannot refuse him. A small member of the family finds a weak spot in mom and dad and takes advantage of it, making sure that he has maximum rights and minimum responsibilities.

In the presence of a phobia of loss, parents feel defenseless in their child. It seems to them that he is fragile, weak, painful. They protect him. Because of this, such inharmonious styles of raising teenagers as indulgent and dominant hyperprotection arise.

What is a harmonious family upbringing?

With harmonious upbringing, parents accept the child as he is. They do not try to correct his minor shortcomings, do not impose any behavior patterns on him. The family has a small number of rules and prohibitions that absolutely everyone observes. The needs of the child are satisfied within reasonable limits (while the needs of other family members are not ignored or infringed).

With harmonious upbringing, the child independently chooses his own path of development. Mom and dad do not force him to go to any creative circles if he does not want to do it himself. The independence of the child is encouraged. If necessary, parents only give the necessary advice.

In order for education to be harmonious, parents need to:

• always find time to communicate with the child;
• be interested in his successes and failures, help to cope with some problems;
• do not put pressure on the child, do not impose your own points of view on him;
• treat the child as an equal member of the family;
• to instill in the child such important qualities as kindness, sympathy, respect for other people.

In conclusion, it is worth noting that it is very important to choose the right types and styles of parenting in the family. It depends on what the child will become, what his future life will be like, whether he will communicate with people around him, whether he will become withdrawn and uncommunicative. At the same time, parents must remember that the key to effective education is love for a small family member, interest in him, a friendly, conflict-free atmosphere in the house.

The type of family education is a gross, integrative characteristic of intra-family relations, the attitude of parents to their parental duty, various kinds of value orientations, attitudes, emotional attitude towards the child, and the level of parental competence.
The nature of family education is largely a consequence of parental position. Usually, there are three criteria for evaluating parental positions - adequacy, dynamism and predictability. Adequacy characterizes the orientation of parents in the individual psychological characteristics of the child, his age characteristics, as well as the degree of awareness of these characteristics. Dynamism is a measure of the mobility of parental positions, the variability of the forms and methods of communication and interaction with the child (the perception of the child as a person, the degree of flexibility in communicating with the child in various situations, the variability of the forms and methods of influencing the child depending on age). Predictability - the ability of parents to foresee the prospects for the development of the child and to restructure interaction with the child.

The following specific parameters are usually distinguished as the basis for classifying family education by types and types:
1) the degree of emotional acceptance by the parents of the child, interest in him,
2) the degree of manifestation of care,
3) exactingness,
4) consistency in the implementation of the parenting style,
5) affective stability of parents,
6) anxiety,
7) the nature of the management system in the family as a whole.

Types of families by parameters

For each of these parameters, several cases of differential value can be distinguished:
1 - acceptance / indifference / rejection
2 - caring / carefree
3 - permissive (kind) / allowing / situational / restrictive
4 - consistency / inconsistency
5 - stability / instability
6 - anxiety / calmness
7 - authoritarian / democratic / permissive
As you can see, theoretically there can be up to 3*2*4*2*2*2*3=576 types of family education. However, in real life, not all of these species are equally common. In the course of various studies, the following eight most common types of family education have been identified.

Emotional rejection
The upbringing of a child is accompanied by coldness, sometimes - however - capable of being interrupted by periods of exaggerated sympathy, attention and care from the parents. With their emotions, parents do not follow the emotions of the child, quite quickly, and the child unlearns to follow his parents with his emotions. As a result, he develops a poor emotional sphere, low self-esteem, a feeling of loneliness. Often such children find a way out in their studies.

Cruel attitude
Often abusive attitudes are combined with emotional rejection. In such families, severe reprisals often occur for minor misconduct or disobedience. Cruelty can be not only physical, but also psychological: emphasized indifference, all sorts of "curses", psychological pressure, verbal aggression. A cruel attitude often results in the child's aggressiveness, various kinds of personality disorders.

Increased moral responsibility
An increased level of parental expectations regarding the present and future, success, abilities and talents of the child. Assigning unbearable and age-inappropriate responsibilities. The expectation from the child that he realizes their unfulfilled desires and aspirations. The predominance of the rational aspect in education: excessive moralizing and exactingness, formality in the approach to the child, leading largely to asexual education and emotional flattening of the child, his inability to fit into an emotionally colored, ambivalent situation.

Contradictory upbringing
The combination of different styles in the same family, incompatible with each other and not adequate to each other, which manifests itself in open conflicts, competition and confrontation of family members. The result of such upbringing can be high anxiety, insecurity, low unstable self-esteem of the child. The inconsistency of education contributes to the development of internal conflict in the child. Inconsistency, inconsistency give rise to situational behavior of the child, deceit.

Hypoprotection
Lack of guardianship and control, true interest and attention to the affairs of the child. In the extreme form - neglect. Often, with this type of upbringing, children gain independence early. Obvious disadvantages: a high risk of falling under the negative influence of strangers, lack of education.
One of the options for hypoprotection is hidden hypoprotection, in which care and upbringing takes on a very formal character ("for show"). Often the cause of latent hypoprotection is emotional rejection.
Another variant of hypoprotection - condoning hypoprotection - is characterized by a combination of a lack of parental supervision with an uncritical attitude towards violations in the child's behavior and his bad deeds.

Hyperprotection
Another name is overprotection. Increased guardianship and control, interest in the affairs of the child becomes painful. Often the reason for hyperprotection is the mother's status as a housewife, while wanting to assert herself as an "ideal mother". Hyperprotection negatively affects the development of independence, initiative and the formation of a sense of duty and responsibility of the child. Also, the cause of hyperprotection may be the unfulfilled need of parents for affection and love.
There may be a number of motives associated with negative experiences: concern for the future of the child, fear of unhappiness with the child, fear of loneliness, low social status, the desire to dominate everything, neurotic manifestations. The dominant hyperprotection is excessive guardianship, petty control, a complex system of continuous prohibitions and the inability for the child to ever make his own decision. The main idea of ​​this type of upbringing is "everything that is not allowed is forbidden." Such intensity of educational activities is rightly perceived by the child as psychological pressure. Indulgent hyperprotection - upbringing according to the type of "child is the idol of the family." Characteristic features: excessive patronage, the desire to free the child from the slightest difficulties, to satisfy all his needs. The obvious consequence of such upbringing is the strengthening of egocentric tendencies in the development of the personality, the difficulty in the formation of collectivism, the selective assimilation of moral norms, and low achievement motivation.

Hypochondria
With this type of upbringing, illness is the semantic center of family life. This usually happens in families where the child has suffered or suffers from chronic diseases for a long time. The result - the child's self-esteem becomes inextricably linked with the disease. Everything that does not happen around, the child refracts through the prism of the disease. Over time, he gets used to putting pressure on the pity of the people around him, sticking out the symptoms of his illness, he develops egocentrism and an inadequate level of claims.

Love
Parents love the child, imbued with his interests. They try to treat him evenly and fairly. They take care of the manifestation of initiative by the child, if the child is in a difficult hopeless situation, they help. Parents are emotionally stable, calm, reasonable. The family management style is democratic. The voice of the child is taken into account in solving a number of specific problems.

In recent decades, the concept of "family" has undergone changes that make it complex and interesting at the same time. The family is the core, the type of the ideal community, because it is united in all aspects: economic, law, socio-cultural, etc.

There are many definitions of the family, in short, it is a social structure in which parents and children are connected. These relationships are based on strong affective ties. Each family is exclusive, unique, implies constant contact of all its members, without losing its individuality. That, what affects one directly or indirectly affects the entire family.

The importance of moral values ​​such as truth, respect, discipline, autonomy helps children adequately face the world around them. The family has existed throughout human history. As for the functions it has, regardless of the characteristics, it fulfills the basic requirements.

The family is organically united with society, in this sense it transforms society, it makes significant changes in a revolutionary way.

Love, as the basis of family value, creates relationships of mutual assistance. That is why the family is the primary place where each person learns to live in a society with an attitude of respect, service, brotherhood and affection for others.

It's important to recognize that children today need intimacy more than the previous generation. Most parents understand that kids who don't lack anything go to a good school, have clothes, but lack the emotional presence of their parents. Intimacy inspires security, so fatherhood, motherhood is a personal relationship that cannot be transferred.

If parents lack an active and stable emotional presence, children will feel lonely, surrounded by all sorts of toys, will be withdrawn and distrustful of people. What is missing then? What do parents need to do to achieve these goals?

The school of life today is no longer sufficient. It is time for parents to take the lead in teaching and supervising their children. This task can be solved only by the will of each parent. And with the support of the school, solve many of the problems that parents cannot or do not want to accept. What can parents do to improve family life?

Family Orientation

Providing an accurate definition of a family is challenging due to the vast varieties we face and the wide range of cultures in the world.

The family has historically proved to be the indispensable core for the development of man, who depends on him for survival and growth.

There is a difference in upbringing in some families. For example, a single mother, separated parents, who have a kind of internal dynamics.

Five forms of family organization and kinship

1. Classical or elementary family: This is the basic family unit, consisting of a husband (father), wife (mother) and children.
2. Extended (inbred) family: it consists of more than one nuclear unit, extends over two generations, and is based on the blood connections of a large number of people. Including parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, nephews, cousins, etc.; for example, a triple generation family includes parents, their married or single children, and grandchildren.
3. A family with one parent is a family consisting of one parent. The history of the family has a different origin. For example, the parents divorced, but the children stayed with one of the parents, usually the mother. Or in early pregnancy, when a different type of family is formed in the family of a single mother.
4. The family of a single mother. A family in which the mother from the very beginning takes up the upbringing only on herself. It is because of the woman who assumes this role most of the time that the father distances himself and does not acknowledge paternity. In this type of family, there are differences from the classical family model.
5. Family of separated parents. A family in which parents are separated. They refuse to live together, they are not a couple, but they continue to fulfill their role of parents, no matter how distant they are. They refuse the relationship of the couple, but not fatherhood and motherhood.

No shortage of people who accuse others of not fulfilling their assigned mission, whether through willful negligence or mental fatigue. But, of course, such accusations are absurd, because the family is not a person or thing, but a community.

However, some of them are right when they admit that parents do not always properly raise their sons and daughters.

This applies to domestic violence, sexual abuse, refusal of parental responsibilities, communication problems that lead to the fact that the family becomes weak. The younger generation is vulnerable to endless risks on the street, such as drugs, violence and other crimes against society.

Types of parenting

As we have seen, there are several types of parenting in a family, so there are many ways in which each of its members is connected and lives on a daily basis. To better understand how to become a family, we will see some of its most important characteristics.

Being a parent: how to fulfill this role?

In family reality, a woman has a certain role, just like a man. Both are complementary, each needs the other to be truly themselves and fulfill one of the basic functions of a couple, such as motherhood, fatherhood, and raising children.

Children learn according to what their parents do and based on their experiences inside the home, will establish relationships outside of it. Parents are a mirror in which they seek to discover the world and in most cases acquire a personality, life customs, a way of communicating and acting.

The family is considered as a whole or a living system that is born, grows, develops, reproduces and dies. There is a life cycle, in which the stages are defined: dating, marriage, first child, school age, adolescence, early life, the departure of children, and the reunion of the couple, as the nest becomes empty. The couple is put to a serious test when the children leave, because if they are united by love, they will be consolidated with each other. On the contrary, if the connection was children, the union enters into serious conflicts.

Therefore, we will try to define some of the actions that father and mother develop in relation to their children as a way of being responsible for their role.

What is MAMA?

It is not easy to talk about this when we live in an era of change so abrupt. This does not allow us to easily talk about what kind of mother a woman is becoming today. The ideal that every woman aspired to has now been replaced by many different ideals in every social class, in every environment, and very often in conflict with motherhood.

We understand, that women today have to make very radical decisions, such as: to live in your classic role, absolutely dependent on a man or a career choice. It is no longer assumed that at the beginning of our century, the profession meant for women the rejection of marriage and the possibility of creating a family. On the contrary, women have been able to demonstrate that they can take on all these roles, paying sometimes, yes, a very high price.

But motherly love is a feeling, and as such it is fragile and changeable. Therefore, to be a good mother, you need to learn self-sacrifice, share experience with others. The role of the mother has a basic function to physically and psychologically feed your children, providing them with protection and stimulating them to grow.

Therefore, in general terms, we could summarize the functions of the mother:

What is PAPA?

The same thing happens with fatherhood, because with the same intensity that children need a mother at birth, they will need a father when they gradually begin to move away from their mother and especially from the unique relationship with her. Being near the father gives not only the opportunity to separate from the mother correctly, but also to find the source of the masculine principle, which is necessary for both the girl and the man, because the bisexual state of a person makes it necessary to achieve the development of a harmonious personality.

Throughout history, the father has been a strong and protective figure, the guide, authority, and breadwinner of the family. A man is considered a respected figure, wears a brutal image. But society has changed, families have become smaller, and the roles of men and women have been transformed.

The role of fatherhood

Father as affective support and protection: Traditionally, the father provides protection in terms of shelter, food, clothing and education, being the economic provider of the family. He has to go to work to meet basic needs and ensure the safety of those who depend on it. It must be understood that today this demand exceeds his strength, he feels overwhelmed and demanded by the environment, which asks for more than he is able to give.

Other parents are overly demanding, thinking that their fundamental role is to provide economic security.

Thus, the economy becomes the central cause of being, to which they devote all their energy, and they do not have time or spirit to be around family members (talking, walking, playing, etc.)

It is believed that the most important role of a man in the family is to be a figure of power, he must dispose, discipline and make decisions. While this has its value, one of the primary responsibilities of parents is to educate. This action has to be transferred to the mother and other family members. Setting boundaries, rules and requirements for its implementation - the joint work of both spouses!

A close dad, open to dialogue, affectionate, will give a positive image of the world, giving the child a sense of protection in those years when it is very important to have him. On the contrary, a punishing, distant and authoritarian parent breeds fear and insecurity, and in the future, his children will face a life that is more burdensome, more fearful and more likely to fail.

The father is like a door to the world. Again tradition shows that the mother gives love and care to the one who stays in the house. The father is indicated as a person turned to the world; but there is a tendency for women to take on other responsibilities and also go to work. Despite this, the father is a very important figure in connecting children with the outside world, in the world of work, study, politics, sports, etc.

What are the duties of a father?

Monitor tasks, see if children are doing well, what type of help is needed. At school age, the role of the father is very important. When children start school, the father becomes a supportive and motivating figure. been noticed that children with an absent father (he is not there or he spends little time with them) study much worse. Later, during puberty, children need more closeness and support than ever before. The idea is to watch, support and stimulate the baby, not to control or punish, since indifferent parents tend to generate in children an indifference to success in school and creativity.

Conclusion

2. Styles and types of family education.

Each family objectively develops a certain, far from always conscious system of education. Here we have in mind the understanding of the goals of education, and the methods of education, and the consideration of what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. 4 tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and 4 types of family relations corresponding to them, which are the prerequisite and result of their occurrence: diktat, guardianship, “non-intervention” and cooperation.

Dictatorship in the family is manifested in the systematic suppression of children's initiative and self-esteem by parents. Of course, parents can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of education, moral standards, specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer order and violence to all types of influence face the resistance of the child, who responds to pressure, coercion, threats with hypocrisy, deceit, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if the resistance turns out to be broken, along with it there is a breakdown of many personality traits: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and one's abilities, all this is a guarantee of unsuccessful personality formation.

Guardianship in the family is a system of relations in which parents, providing by their work, satisfaction of all the needs of the child, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon themselves. The question of the active formation of personality fades into the background. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children for reality beyond the threshold of their home. Such excessive concern for the child, excessive control over his entire life, based on close emotional contact, is called hyperprotection. It leads to passivity, dependence, difficulties in communication. There is also an opposite concept - hypo-custody, which implies a combination of an indifferent attitude of a parental attitude with a complete lack of control. Children can do whatever they want. As a result, when they grow up, they become selfish, cynical people who are not able to respect anyone, do not deserve respect themselves, but still demand the fulfillment of all their whims.

The system of interpersonal relations in the family, based on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of the independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of "non-intervention". This assumes that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus outlined. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type of relationship in the family implies the mediation of interpersonal relations in the family by common goals and objectives of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the egoistic individualism of the child is overcome. The family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

There are 3 styles of family education - authoritarian, democratic and permissive.

With an authoritarian style, the desire of the parent is the law for the child. Such parents suppress their children. They demand unquestioning obedience from the child and do not consider it necessary to explain to him the reasons for their instructions and prohibitions. They tightly control all spheres of the child's life, and they do this not always correctly. Children in such families usually become isolated, their communication with their parents is disrupted. Some children go into conflict, but more often children growing up in such a family adapt to the style of family relationships and become insecure, less independent.

The democratic style of family relations is the most optimal for education. Democratic parents value both independence and discipline in their child's behavior. They themselves grant him the right to be independent in some areas of his life; without prejudice to rights, at the same time demand the fulfillment of duties; they respect his opinion and consult with him. Control based on warm feelings and reasonable care usually does not irritate children too much and they often listen to explanations why one should not do one thing and another should be done. The formation of personality under such circumstances occurs without any special experiences and conflicts.

With a conniving style, parents almost do not pay attention to their children, do not restrict them in anything, do not prohibit anything. Children from such families during the period of growing up often fall under bad influence and in the future they can raise a hand against their parents, they have almost no values.

3. Raising children in families of different structure.

Peculiarities of raising an only child in a family

On this account, there are two most common points of view. First, the only child is more emotionally stable than other children, because he does not know the excitement associated with the rivalry of brothers. Second: the only child has to overcome more difficulties than usual in order to acquire mental balance, because he lacks a brother or sister (2, p. 86). Whatever psychologists say, the life of one - the only child in a family often develops in such a way that it confirms precisely this, second, point of view. Difficulties, however, are not absolutely inevitable, and yet they occur so often that it would be foolish not to notice them.

Undoubtedly, parents who have an only child usually pay excessive attention to him. They care too much about him just because they have one, when in fact he is only the first. Few are able to calmly, competently deal with the firstborn in the way that we then behave with subsequent children. The main reason for this is inexperience. There are, however, other reasons, which are not so easy to find. If you do not touch on some limitations of the physical order, some parents are afraid of the responsibility that the appearance of children imposes on them, others fear that the birth of a second child will affect their financial situation, others, although they will never admit it, simply do not like children, and they are quite one son or one daughter is enough.

Some obstacles to the mental development of children have a very specific name - greenhouse conditions, when a child is cared for, pampered, pampered, caressed - in a word, they are carried in their arms. Because of such excessive attention, his mental development inevitably slows down. As a result of the excessive indulgence with which we surround him, he will certainly meet with very serious difficulties and disappointments when he is outside the home circle, since he will expect from other people the attention he was used to in his parents' house. For the same reason, he will take himself too seriously. Precisely because his own horizons are too small, many little things will seem to him too big and significant. As a result, communication with people will be much more difficult for him than for other children. He will begin to withdraw from contacts, retire. He has never had to share parental love with his brothers or sisters, let alone games, his room and clothes, and he finds it difficult to find a common language with other children and his place in the children's community.

How to prevent all this? With the help of a second child - many will say. And this is true, but if some special problems can be solved in this way, then where is the certainty that it is worth giving birth to another child, how we will immediately achieve the full adaptation of the first. In any case, it is necessary by all means to overcome the desire to raise a child in greenhouse conditions. It can be argued that raising an only son or only daughter is much more difficult than raising several children. Even if the family is experiencing some financial difficulties, one should not be limited to one child. The only child very soon becomes the center of the family. The cares of the father and mother, concentrated on this child, usually exceed the useful norm. Parental love in this case is distinguished by a certain nervousness. The illness of this child or death is taken very hard by such a family, and the fear of such a misfortune always stands before the parents and deprives them of the necessary peace of mind. Very often, the only child gets used to his exceptional position and becomes a real despot in the family. It is very difficult for parents to slow down their love for him and their worries, and willy-nilly they bring up an egoist.

For the development of the psyche, each child requires a spiritual space in which he could move freely. He needs inner and outer freedom, free dialogue with the outside world, so that he is not constantly supported by the hand of his parents. A child can not do without a soiled face, torn pants and fights.

An only child is often denied such a space. Consciously or not, he is forced into the role of a model child. He should especially politely greet, especially expressively read poetry, he should be an exemplary cleaner and stand out among other children. He has ambitious plans for the future. Every manifestation of life is closely watched with deep concern. The child does not experience a lack of good advice throughout his childhood. Such an attitude towards him carries the danger that the only child will turn into a spoiled, dependent, insecure, overestimating himself, scattered child.

But this may not be, since there are fundamental rules in behavior with only children. They can all be formulated in one sentence, which should become the law for every family where one child grows up: only no exclusivity!

The specifics of education in a large family

The educational potential of a large family has its positive and negative characteristics, and the process of socialization of children has its own difficulties and problems.

On the one hand, here, as a rule, reasonable needs and the ability to take into account the needs of others are brought up; none of the children has a privileged position, which means that there is no ground for the formation of selfishness, antisocial traits; more opportunities for communication, care for the younger ones, assimilation of moral and social norms and rules of the hostel; such moral qualities as sensitivity, humanity, responsibility, respect for people, as well as the qualities of social order - the ability to communicate, adapt, tolerance can be more successfully formed. Children from such families turn out to be more prepared for married life, they more easily overcome role conflicts associated with excessive demands of one of the spouses for the other and underestimated requirements for themselves.

However, the process of education in a large family is no less complex and contradictory. Firstly, in such families, adults quite often lose their sense of justice in relation to children, show unequal affection and attention to them. An offended child always acutely feels a lack of warmth and attention to him, reacting to it in his own way: in some cases, anxiety, a feeling of inferiority and self-doubt become a concomitant psychological state for him, in others - increased aggressiveness, inadequate reaction to life situations. For older children in a large family, categorical judgments, the desire for leadership, leadership, even in cases where there are no grounds for this, are characteristic. All this naturally complicates the process of socialization of children. Secondly, in large families, the physical and mental stress on parents, especially on the mother, increases sharply. She has less free time and opportunities for the development of children and communication with them, for showing attention to their interests. Unfortunately, children from large families are more likely to take a socially dangerous path of behavior, almost 3.5 times more often than children from families of other types.

A large family has fewer opportunities to meet the needs and interests of the child, who is already given much less time than in a one-child family, which, of course, cannot but affect his development. In this context, the level of material security of a large family is very significant. The monitoring of the social and economic potential of families has shown that the majority of families with many children live below the poverty threshold.

Raising a child in an incomplete family

The child always suffers deeply if the family hearth collapses. Separation of a family or divorce, even when everything happens in the highest degree of politeness and courtesy, invariably causes mental breakdown and strong feelings in children. Of course, it is possible to help a child cope with the difficulties of growing up in a separated family, but this will require a lot of effort from the parent with whom the child will remain. If the separation of the family occurs when the child is between the ages of 3 and 12, the consequences are felt most acutely.

The separation of a family or the divorce of spouses is often preceded by many months of disagreements and family quarrels, which are difficult to hide from the child and which greatly disturb him. Moreover, the parents, busy with their quarrels, also treat him badly, even if they are full of good intentions to keep him from solving his own problems.

The child feels the absence of the father, even if he does not openly express his feelings. In addition, he perceives the departure of his father as a rejection of him. The child may retain these feelings for many years.

Very often, after the separation of the family or divorce, the mother is forced to take a well-paid job and, as a result, may devote less time to the child than before. Therefore, he feels rejected by his mother.

What can be done to help a child in a broken family? Explain to him what happened, and do it simply, without blaming anyone. To say that this happens to so many people and therefore it is better to be the way it is. A child can be saved from unnecessary worries when the division of the family occurs for him as completely as for his parents. The visits of the father, especially if they become less and less over time, each time again and again make the baby feel that he has been rejected. The smaller the child at the time of family separation or divorce, the easier it is for the father to part with him. The child certainly needs to be prepared for the departure of the father. Help your child grow up and become independent so that he does not develop an excessive and unhealthy dependence on you. One of the most common mistakes is a mother's overprotectiveness of her son.

It would seem that the mother does everything out of the best of intentions: she wants to give her son more attention, to surround her with more care, she wants to feed better, dress better, etc. But by making these efforts, often heroic, sacrificing herself, her interests, desires, health, the mother literally emasculates everything masculine in the boy's character, making him lethargic, lacking initiative, incapable of decisive masculine actions.

If the parents do not live together, if they have separated, then it is very painfully reflected in the upbringing of the child. Often children become the subject of strife between parents who openly hate each other and do not hide this from children.

It is necessary to recommend to those parents who, for some reason, leave each other, so that in their quarrel, in their divergence, they think more about their children. Any disagreements can be resolved more delicately. You can hide from your children your dislike and your hatred for your ex-spouse. It is difficult, of course, for a husband who has left his family to somehow continue raising children. And if he can no longer have a beneficial effect on his old family, then it’s better to try so that she completely forgets him, it will be more honest. Although, of course, he must still bear his material obligations in relation to abandoned children.

The question of the structure of the family is a very important question, and it must be treated quite consciously.

If parents truly love their children and want to raise them as best as possible, they will try not to bring their mutual disagreements to a break and thus not put children in the most difficult situation.

Chapter №2 Factors influencing the formation of a child's personality.

1. Family as a factor in personality formation.

Among the various social factors influencing the formation of personality, one of the most important is the family. Traditionally, the family is the main institution of education. What a person acquires in the family, he retains throughout his subsequent life. The importance of the family is due to the fact that a person stays in it for a significant part of his life. In the family, the foundations of personality are laid.

In the process of close relationships with mother, father, brothers, sisters, grandfathers, grandmothers and other relatives, a personality structure begins to form in a child from the first days of life.

In the family, the personality of not only the child, but also his parents is formed. The upbringing of children enriches the personality of an adult, enhances his social experience. Most often, this occurs unconsciously in parents, but recently young parents have begun to meet, consciously educating themselves as well. Unfortunately, this position of parents has not become popular, despite the fact that it deserves the closest attention.

Parents play a big and responsible role in the life of every person. They give the child new patterns of behavior, with their help he learns the world around him, he imitates them in all his actions. This trend is increasingly reinforced by the child's positive emotional bonds with his parents and his desire to be like his mother and father. When parents realize this pattern and understand that the formation of the child's personality largely depends on them, they behave in such a way that all their actions and behavior in general contribute to the formation in the child of those qualities and such an understanding of human values ​​that they want to convey to him. Such a process of education can be considered quite conscious, because. constant control over one's behavior, attitude towards other people, attention to the organization of family life allows raising children in the most favorable conditions that contribute to their comprehensive and harmonious development.

The family influences the personality of adults not only in connection with the upbringing of children. An important role is played in the family by relationships between representatives of different generations, as well as within the same generation (spouses, brothers, sisters, grandfathers, grandmothers). The family as a small social group influences its members. At the same time, each of them, with his personal qualities, his behavior, affects the life of the family. Individual members of this small group can contribute to the formation of the spiritual values ​​of its members, influence the goals and attitudes of the whole family.

All stages of development require a person to adapt to new social conditions, helping the individual to be enriched with new experience, to become more socially mature. Many stages of family development can be foreseen and even prepared for them. However, in life there are situations that cannot be foreseen, because. arise instantly, as if spontaneously, for example, a serious illness of one of the family members, the birth of a sick child, the death of a loved one, trouble at work, etc. Such phenomena also require adaptation from family members, because. they have to find new methods of relationships. Overcoming a crisis situation most often strengthens the cohesion of people. However, it happens that such a situation becomes a turning point in the life of a family, leads to its disintegration, disorganizes its life. (1, p. 31)

The family is of great importance for the development of the individual. Children who are deprived of the opportunity to directly and constantly participate in the life of a small group consisting of people close to them, lose a lot. This is especially noticeable in young children living outside the family - in orphanages and other institutions of this type. The development of the personality of these children often proceeds in a different way than in children brought up in a family. The mental and social development of these children is sometimes delayed, and the emotional development is slowed down. The same thing can happen with an adult, because. the lack of constant personal contacts is the essence of loneliness, becomes the source of many negative phenomena and causes serious personality disorders.

It is known that the behavior of many people is influenced by the presence of other persons. Many individuals behave differently in the presence of other people than when they are alone. Moreover, if a person feels a benevolent, kind attitude of those present, then he most often has a certain incentive for such actions that will cause the approval of the people around him and help him appear in the best light. If a person feels an unfriendly attitude, then he has resistance, which manifests itself in a variety of ways. A well-bred person overcomes this protest with a conscious effort.

In a small group where friendly relations reign, the collective has a very strong influence on the individual. This is especially evident in the formation of spiritual values, norms and patterns of behavior, the style of relationships between people. Due to its characteristics, the family as a small group creates for its members such conditions for emotional needs, which, helping a person to feel his belonging to society, increase his sense of security and peace, cause a desire to help and support other people.

The family has its own structure, defined by the social roles of its members: husband and wife, father and mother, son and daughter, sister and brother, grandfather and grandmother. Based on these roles, interpersonal relationships in the family are formed. The degree of participation of a person in family life can be very diverse, and depending on this, the family can have a greater or lesser influence on a person.

The family plays a colossal role in the life and activities of society. The functions of the family can be considered both from the standpoint of the implementation of the goals of society, and from the standpoint of fulfilling their obligations in relation to society. The family as a microstructure satisfies important social needs and performs important social functions.

Due to its reproductive function, the family is the source of the continuation of human life. This is the social group that initially forms the personality of a person. The family helps to increase the creative and productive forces of society. The family introduces its new members into society, passing them the language, customs and customs, the basic patterns of behavior that are mandatory in this society, introduces a person into the world of the spiritual values ​​of society, controls the behavior of its members. The social functions of the family are manifested not only in relation to children, but also in relation to spouses, because marriage is a process that plays a large role in the life of society. One of the main functions of the family is to create conditions for the development of the personality of all its members. The family satisfies the various needs of the individual. In marriage, husband and wife find the happiness of intimate intercourse. The birth of children causes joy not only from the consciousness of the continuation of one's kind, but also makes it possible to look more confidently into the future. In a family, people take care of each other. Also, the family meets the various needs of a person. In the married life of a person, the feeling of love and mutual understanding, recognition, respect, and a sense of security are most clearly manifested. However, the satisfaction of their needs is associated with the performance of certain functions of the family.

Unfortunately, families do not always fulfill their functions. In such cases, the problem of the asocial role of the family arises. Families that are not able to provide their members with security, the necessary living conditions and mutual assistance do not fulfill their functions if certain values ​​are incorrectly presented in the family. In addition, when a family brings up emotionally immature people with a weakened sense of danger, with human qualities far from social norms, it harms its people.

Considering the role of the family in the life of every person, it is also necessary to note its psychological function, because it is in the family that all those personality traits that are of value to society are formed. (6, p. 133)

Each person throughout his life, as a rule, is a member of two families: the parent, from which he comes, and the family that he creates himself. Life in the family of parents accounts for periods until about adolescence. During the period of maturity, a person gradually gains independence. The further, the more life, professional and social experience a person accumulates, and the family begins to play an increasingly important role for him.

For the development of the family, a very important stage is the entry of a man and a woman into a marital union. The birth of the first-born opens the parental stage, and after the children acquire independence, we can talk about the phase of secondary married life. Different periods in the life of a family correspond to different periods of time and different needs. Determining the duration of individual periods of a family's life is difficult due to the different timing of partners entering into marriage. In this regard, it can be very difficult to link the development of the family with the periods of personality development, but the coordination of the seed and life cycles is necessary.

From the point of view of social psychology, marriage is a special group consisting of two persons of the opposite sex. These are two personalities, two individuals who have decided to spend their future lives together. Spouses mutually satisfy emotional, social, intimate needs, help each other in achieving personal goals, together strive to improve the material conditions of their lives, jointly create the economic base of the family. The foundations of the family are formed by the social positions of the spouses in relation to each other. The leading role in the family usually belongs to the spouse who has more influence, knows how to make decisions when problems arise in the process of living together. Usually it is a man, but nowadays there is both a shift in the headship in the family towards a woman, and the equality of spouses. It goes without saying that cultural traditions, as well as the personality traits of each spouse, play an important role in determining family positions. The formation of the structure, and, consequently, the distribution of roles in the family, is seriously influenced by the changes taking place in the social microstructure. The distribution of responsibilities in the family is connected with the roles that the husband and wife have assumed.

After the creation of the family, the process of mutual adaptation to each other begins. And here the ability of people to compromise, show tolerance and restrain themselves in conflict situations is of great importance. Difficulties that arise in family life very often cause a marriage crisis, and in some cases the help of a psychologist is desirable, but in most cases young people cope on their own. (8, p. 70)

The birth of a child is a significant event in the life of the spouses, indicating the entry of the family into a new period of development. This is another test for the spouses. They begin to fulfill new social roles - mother and father; entering a new social role is always difficult and requires preparation. In this case, this preparation is pregnancy. Future parents are gradually preparing themselves in thought and imagination for the change that is to take place in their lives; at the same time they are preparing their environment. They have to seriously change the established life. During pregnancy, the spouses begin to form attitudes towards the unborn child. Here factors such as the desire or undesirability of the child, as well as the desire of one of the parents to have a child of a certain gender, matter. All of this will have an impact on your upbringing.

The roles of parents are comprehensive and multifaceted. Parents are responsible for the child's choice of life position. The birth of a child and the need to provide him with conditions for development entail a certain reorganization of home life. But in addition to caring for children, the roles of parents also extend to the formation of the child's personality, the world of his thoughts, feelings, aspirations, to the education of his own "I". The harmonious development of the child's personality is associated not only with the presence and activity in the family of each of the parents, but also with the consistency of their educational actions. Disagreements in parenting methods and interpersonal relationships do not allow the child to understand and comprehend what is good and what is bad. In addition, when the consent between the parents is violated, when the people closest to the child, the people who are his support, are in a quarrel, and besides, he hears that this is happening for reasons that concern him, then he cannot feel confident and safe. . And hence the children's anxiety, fears and even neurotic symptoms. Relationships between family members are very important for a child. And it is especially important for him to understand how adults treat him. (17, p. 351)

The nature of the emotional attitude of parents to the child can be called the parental position. This is one of the most important factors that shape the personality of a child. There are several variations of this factor, from dominance to complete indifference. And the constant imposition of contacts, and their complete absence is harmful to the child. It is very important to establish contact with the child, so that later you can talk about the bestowal on the part of the child. First of all, the child must be approached without exaggerated concentration of attention, but also without excessive emotional distance, i.e. free contact is needed, not tight or too loose and random. This is an approach that can be described as balanced, free, directed to the mind and heart of the child, focused on his real needs. This should be an approach based on a certain independence, moderately categorical and persistent, which is a support and authority for the child, and not an overbearing command order or a compliant, passive request. Disturbances in contact with the child manifest themselves in several characteristic forms, for example, excessive aggressiveness or the desire to correct the child's behavior. (5, p. 56)

From an early age, the correct development of the child is carried out primarily thanks to the care of the parents. A small child learns from his parents to think, speak, understand and control his reactions. Thanks to the personal models that his parents are for him, he learns how to relate to other family members, relatives, acquaintances: whom to love, whom to avoid, whom to more or less reckon with, whom to express his sympathy or antipathy, when to restrain his reactions. The family prepares the child for a future independent life in society, transfers to him spiritual values, moral norms, patterns of behavior, traditions, and culture of his society. The guiding, coordinated educational methods of the parents teach the child to be relaxed, at the same time he learns to control his actions and deeds in accordance with moral standards. The child develops a world of values. In this multifaceted development, parents, by their behavior and their own example, provide the child with great help. However, some parents can make it difficult, slow down, even disrupt the behavior of their children, contributing to the manifestation of pathological personality traits in him.

A child brought up in a family where parents are personal models for him receives training for subsequent social roles: woman or man, wife or husband, mother or father. In addition, social pressure is quite strong. Children are usually praised for their sex-appropriate behavior and blamed for acts of the opposite sex. Proper sexual education of the child, the formation of a sense of belonging to one's own sex constitute one of the foundations for the further development of their personality.

As a result of the reasonable use of incentives, the development of incentives can accelerate the development of a person as a person, make it more successful than using punishments and prohibitions. If, nevertheless, there is a need for punishment, then, in order to enhance the educational effect, punishments should, if possible, follow immediately after the misconduct that deserves it. Punishment is more effective if the offense for which the child is punished is explained to him in an accessible way. Very harsh things can cause fear in a child or embitter him. Any physical impact forms the child's belief that he, too, will be able to act by force when something does not suit him.

The behavior of the child largely depends on the upbringing in the family. Preschoolers, for example, often see themselves through the eyes of adults. Thus, a positive or negative attitude towards him from adults forms his self-esteem. Children with low self-esteem are dissatisfied with themselves. This happens in families where parents often scold the child or set excessive tasks for him. In addition, a child who sees that parents do not get along often blames himself for this, and as a result, self-esteem is again underestimated. Such a child feels that he does not correspond to the wishes of his parents. There is another extreme - inflated self-esteem. This usually happens in families where the child is encouraged in small ways, and the punishment system is very soft.

It goes without saying that children with inadequate self-esteem subsequently create problems for themselves and their loved ones. Therefore, from the very beginning, parents should try to form an adequate self-esteem in their child. Here we need a flexible system of punishment and praise. Admiration and praise are excluded in front of a child, gifts are rarely given for deeds, extremely harsh punishments are not used.

In addition to self-esteem, parents also set the level of the child's claims - what he claims in his activities and relationships. Children with a high level of aspirations, high self-esteem and prestigious motivation count only on success, and in case of failure, they can get severe mental trauma. Children with a low level of claims and low self-esteem do not apply for much either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their capabilities, quickly put up with failures, but at the same time they often achieve a lot. (19, p. 79)

The works of D. Baumrind were of fundamental importance for the selection of types of family education. The criteria for such a selection are the nature of the emotional attitude towards the child and the type of parental control. The classification of parenting styles included four styles: authoritative, authoritarian, liberal, and indifferent.

Authoritative style characterized by a warm emotional acceptance of the child and a high level of control with recognition and encouragement of the development of his autonomy. Authoritative parents implement a democratic style of communication, are ready to change the system of requirements and rules, taking into account the growing competence of children. Authoritarian style characterized by rejection or a low level of emotional acceptance of the child and a high level of control. The style of communication of authoritarian parents is command-directive, by the type of dictate, the system of requirements, prohibitions and rules is rigid and unchanged. Features liberal style upbringing are warm emotional acceptance and a low level of control in the form of permissiveness and forgiveness. Requirements and rules for this style of education are practically absent, the level of leadership is insufficient.

Indifferent style is determined by the low involvement of parents in the upbringing process, emotional coldness and distance in relation to the child, a low level of control in the form of ignoring the interests and needs of the child, and a lack of protection.

Baumrind's longitudinal study was aimed at studying the influence of the type of family education on the development of a child's personality.

The role of these styles of parenting - authoritative, authoritarian, liberal and indifferent - in the formation of children's personal characteristics has become the subject of a special study. The parameters for evaluating the child's personal qualities, which depend, in the author's opinion, on the style of parenting, were: the child's hostility / goodwill attitude towards the world; resistance, social negativism/cooperation; dominance in communication / compliance, willingness to compromise; dominance / submission and dependence; purposefulness / impulsiveness, field behavior; focus on achievement, high level of claims / rejection of achievements, low level of claims; independence, * autonomy / dependence (emotional, behavioral, value). The style of parenting was identified in about 80% of cases.

Authoritarian parents in education adhere to the traditional canon: the authority, power of parents, unconditional obedience to children. As a rule, a low level of verbal communication, widespread use of punishments (by both father and mother), rigidity and harshness of prohibitions and demands. In authoritarian families, the formation of dependence, inability to lead, lack of initiative, passivity, field behavior, a low degree of social and communicative competence, a low level of social responsibility with a moral orientation to external authority and power were ascertained. Boys often demonstrated aggressiveness and a low level of volitional and voluntary regulation.

Authoritative parents have a lot of life experience and are responsible for raising a child. Show willingness to understand and take into account the views of children. Communication with children is built on the basis of democratic principles, the autonomy and independence of children is encouraged. Practically no physical punishments and verbal aggression are used, and the main method of influencing the child is logical reasoning and justification. Obedience is not declared and does not act as a real value of education. There is a high level of expectations, requirements and standards against the backdrop of encouraging children's independence. The result of authoritative parenting is the formation of a child's high self-esteem and self-acceptance, purposefulness, will, self-control, self-regulation, readiness to comply with social rules and standards. A risk factor in authoritative parenting can be too high a motivation for achievement, exceeding the real possibilities of the child. In an unfavorable case, this leads to an increased risk of neuroticism. moreover, boys are more vulnerable than girls, since the level of requirements and expectations in relation to them is higher. Children of authoritative parents are characterized by a high degree of responsibility, competence, friendliness, good adaptability, and self-confidence.

Liberal parents deliberately put themselves on the same level as their children. The child is given complete freedom: he must come to everything on his own, on the basis of his own experience. There are no rules, prohibitions, regulation of behavior. There is no real help and support from * the parents. The level of expectations regarding the achievements of the child in the family is not declared. Infantilism, high anxiety, lack of independence, fear of real activity and achievements are formed. Either avoidance of responsibility or impulsiveness is observed.

The indifferent parenting style, which demonstrates ignoring and neglecting the child, especially adversely affects the development of children, provoking a wide range of disorders from delinquent behavior, impulsivity and aggression to dependence, self-doubt, anxiety and fears.

The study showed that the style of parental behavior in itself does not unambiguously predetermine the formation of certain personal characteristics. An important role is played by the experiences of the child himself, the peculiarities of his temperament, the correspondence of the type of family education to the individual qualities of the child. The older he is, the more the influence of the type of family education is determined by his own activity and personal position.

According to the data obtained on the North American sample (USA), the distribution of parents according to the styles of family education identified by Baumrind is as follows: 40-50% of parents implement an authoritarian or close to authoritarian parenting style; 30-40% - democratic and about 20% - permissive or conniving style. An integrative characteristic of the educational system is the type of family education. Criteria for classifying types of family education and typology are presented in the works of L.E. Lichko, E.G. Eidemiller and V. Yustitskis, Isaeva, A.Ya: Vargi, A.I. Zakharova and others.

The harmonious type of family education is different:

* mutual emotional acceptance, empathy, emotional support;

* a high level of satisfaction of the needs of all family members, including children;

* recognition of the child's right to choose an independent path of development, encouragement of the child's autonomy;

* relations of mutual respect, equality in decision-making in problem situations;

*recognition of the self-worth of the child's personality and the rejection of the manipulative strategy of education;

* justified by the age and individual personality characteristics of the child, a reasonable and adequate system of requirements imposed on him;

* systematic control with the gradual transfer of control functions to the child, the transition to his self-control;

*reasonable and adequate system of sanctions and rewards;

* stability, consistency of education while maintaining the right of each parent to their own concept of education and a systematic change in its system in accordance with the age of the child.

Age dynamics of the development of child-parent relationships. Peculiarities of perception of maternal and paternal parental position The results obtained were analyzed in terms of the main parameters that characterize the features of the parental position: positive interest, directiveness, hostility, autonomy, and inconsistency. A rather high (12-15 years old) and satisfactory (in the group of 16-17-year-old teenagers) level of emotional acceptance and interest on the part of fathers was stated.

A somewhat different picture is observed in the adolescent-mother dyad. In almost all age groups, we observed a decrease in the level of positive interest and acceptance on the part of the mother compared to the normative values. The adolescents' experience of the lack of warmth and attention was especially vividly noted in the group of 14-15-year-olds. These indicators cannot but cause concern, since it is the maternal role that is traditionally associated with ensuring that the child experiences unconditional love and acceptance, a sense of security and trust in the world [Fromm, 1990; Adler, 1990; Lampert, 1997]. Our data are in good agreement with the trend of an increase in the level of negative feelings towards parents in early or middle adolescence, which was most clearly manifested in the relationship between daughter and mother, identified earlier in a number of studies.

Age dynamics is generally determined by a decrease in the directiveness of the father's upbringing style, his participation in the control and management of the adolescent's behavior. In a significant number of cases, the father is more of a distant figure than a real participant in the educational process in the family.

The level of the mother's directiveness remains virtually unchanged in all age groups and thus conflicts with the normative age-related dynamics of its change, which implies a consistent decrease with age.

A significant excess of the level of directiveness of the mother compared to the father in the perception of adolescents indicates the leading role and leadership of the mother in the educational process, her main control and regulatory function in the modern Russian family.

Adolescents perceive their parents' attitude towards themselves as hostile or ambivalent, suspicious, with attitudes towards accusation and censure. In combination with indicators of positive parental interest, the data obtained can be interpreted as an acute experience by adolescents of a lack of warmth and love on the part of the mother and ambivalence, misunderstanding and detachment on the part of the father.

Such an image of parental attitudes can be determined by at least three circumstances. First, objectively established emotionally negative relationships between parents and adolescents; secondly, the increased sensitivity of adolescents to the emotional attitude of their parents, due to the anxious type of attachment; and, thirdly, the lack of personality-oriented affective-positive communication between teenagers and their parents.

The results of the study reveal an excessively high autonomy of the father compared to the normative values. In combination with insufficient directiveness, high autonomy indicates the father's detachment from the process of raising children. Father's love, which combines the presentation of social patterns of desired behavior and exactingness, the willingness to provide the necessary help and support, the proposal of forms of cooperation that embody patterns of responsibility, purposefulness and justice, is, according to a number of researchers, a decisive condition for the formation of a socially mature personality [Adler , 1990; Fromm, 1990; Maccoby, 1980; Siegal, 1987]. The upbringing position of the father, characterized by excessive autonomy, on the contrary, is a risk factor in solving the most important tasks of adolescence - the formation of gender identity, independence and responsibility of the individual. Our data allow us to speak about the trend of increasing autonomy of the father in relations with the child in older adolescence.

Our data suggest that, from the point of view of adolescents, parents demonstrate a high level of inconsistency in their behavior and parenting influences. This is especially evident in relation to the mother.