Parenting 2 3 psychology of behavior. Crisis of two years of age

Good afternoon, dear readers! I get a lot of questions about raising kids. I constantly emphasize that until the age of 5, the baby should face prohibitions as little as possible. Many begin to resent, believing that I am introducing complete permissiveness ...

I am not at all worried about my youngest son, who will be two years old in a few months. I don’t worry that he will not learn the word “no” until the age of 18, and will not be able to perceive prohibitions until retirement. But I hear how many mothers worry about their children ... Therefore, I write on this topic again and again. Today we will talk more about boundaries, and how to raise a child at 2 years old.

So, the child always has prohibitions and boundaries. And in 2 years, and in a year, and even in several months. Another question is how we designate these boundaries. Do we shout menacingly “no” or show prohibitions as gently as possible?

And again I emphasize: everything I will write about here applies only to babies under 5 years old. At the age of 5-7 there is a significant leap in the development of the child. And after this age, the attitude towards prohibitions should change (on the part of parents). If parents don’t change anything until the age of 18, and talk to a teenager like a one-year-old toddler ... Then big problems really begin. But we are talking about the little ones. It is very important!

This terrible permissiveness

How tired I am of responding to indignant comments on my posts that threaten my children with a terrible future because of our “permissiveness”! I'm tired, because for almost every post on social networks about my attitude to oil spilled by a one-year-old or about harmless pranks, there is someone “not indifferent”. And every time you have to write the same thing. Sometimes you already want to just ignore the comment ... But then I understand that it is important to repeat it. Repeat many times. For one of the mothers to break the old stereotypes.

So, the good news is that permissiveness does not threaten your child. It is simply impossible to organize it. Impossible. If you are a normal mother, you will not let your baby play with fire, climb out of the window, run on the road, etc. So your child's behavior will have some limits anyway. And he will begin to master them from birth.

From birth, a child is faced with the fact that life is not always the way we would like it to be. Even if you practice, give the breast at the first squeak and carry the child around the clock. From the first months, the child is already something impossible.

For example, babies should not roll over at the edge of the sofa. If he rolls over like that, he will fall. However, no normal mother will try to convey this to a three-month-old baby.

Imagine a mother threateningly waving her finger in front of such a baby and saying: “You can’t!!” And then, when the child still fell, saying: “Why don’t you obey?! How naughty you are! Now you will know! I see that you understand everything! Your eyes are already smart, and you pronounce “aha” perfectly! You understand everything, but you don't listen! Who will grow out of you?!”

Approximately the same thing happens even when the child is one year old. I wrote about this in the article "". This situation continues at 2 years. And even longer. Although at 2-3 years old the baby is already responding to many prohibitions. And it seems that he is already so smart... He reacts to many of your words and prohibitions, but... Not to all.

What's wrong with bans?

Up to 5-7 years old, the child's brain is not yet mature enough for an adequate perception of prohibitions. This does not mean that until the age of 5 you will not pronounce the word “no” at all. Unfortunately this is not possible. But it is necessary to pronounce this word as little as possible.

Our oldest daughter is now almost 4 years old. And she already knows "no" well. And even - about a miracle! She listens well most of the time. But even now, at 4 years old, any prohibitions are difficult for her. And if I start saying “no” often, whims, tantrums and all signs of overexcitation begin. This is at 4 years old! What can we say about a two-year-old baby?

In fact, at 1-3 years old, prohibitions are not so terrible - the child easily ignores them. At this age, the correct strategy is: "You can not scold or scold the baby for not obeying."

Children under the age of 5 should not be scolded at all. At this age, the baby will never understand that you "love him very much, but are angry at his bad behavior." And the only thing you will achieve is that the child will feel bad and unloved.

How to set boundaries

The parenting strategy is very simple. Extremely simple. If a three-month-old baby lies near the edge of the sofa - what do you do? That's right, take it and take it to a safe place. And in general, try not to put the baby on the sofa. About the same way we react to the behavior of a 2-3 year old baby.

Of course, it is much more difficult to carry a two-year-old from the edge. But the essence remains the same. And gradually, as it grows, the little one learns to perceive these boundaries.

If the baby grabs something forbidden and dangerous, we select it. It climbs onto something too high or fragile - we remove it. He behaves inappropriately - we take him to another place.

Ideally, distract the little one with something more interesting. This is the best thing you can do. Does not work? At least just be sorry. Yes, the one-year-old will yell, kick and express his protest in every possible way. But you still calmly and lovingly take him from a dangerous place...

What is important to pay attention to?

• There should be as few restrictions as possible! Try to remove everything forbidden and dangerous where the baby cannot reach.
• When the baby approaches the forbidden, you can gently say “no need to take it” or something like that. Shake your head. But gently, without threat or aggression.
• Did the kid climb on the forbidden closet anyway? Feel free to take it out of there. And help him experience the full range of emotions. Help with your sympathy, love and patience.
• Gradually, the child will get used to them. Especially if he is already two years old. Gradually, a connection will form in the baby’s head: if you climb in, they will still be filmed. So there is no point in going there. But this connection will not have an admixture of fear!
• However, from time to time, children again "check the boundaries." And your task is to respond to this calmly and lovingly again.
• If the child still broke something, soiled it, broke it ... It's not his fault. You didn't follow this. This is your responsibility, not his. Therefore, do not scold the child, but yourself.
• And if no one was hurt, don't scold yourself. And just wipe the puddle, wash the closet or collect the pieces from the floor. Small annoyances are not worth worrying about.

The older the child, the more likely they are to respond to your verbal warning. And at the age of 3, many children are ready to obey their parents. No shouting or threats! But... Not always. And this also needs to be understood. When a baby at 3-4 years old really wants something, he will ignore your requests. And again, your task is not to scold or demand obedience.

How to communicate with a 3-4 year old baby if he does not want to go home, wash his hands or take off his boots at home -. Here we can try to reach an agreement. But at 2 years old it still doesn't make sense.

Therefore, if our youngest son starts pouring water from the bath onto the floor, I just pull him out of the bath. Throwing food out of a plate? I take a plate. Throwing sand at kids in the playground? I take it out of the sandbox. All this can be done calmly, without threats. And the boundaries were respected, and my mother remained loving.

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Many caring parents worry: “How to properly raise a child so that he grows up as a smart, cultured, neat, caring, polite and erudite person?”

I perfectly understand the excitement of daddies and mommies, so I want to devote this article to the nuances of raising a two-year-old toddler, to give recommendations that have been proven by practice, and also to “sort out” the psychology of the child.

Features of the development of a child of 2 years.

By the age of two, the peanut noticeably develops physical abilities:

• the time of wakefulness increases, because the baby sleeps already 1 time per day
• vocabulary is about 300 words
• actively plays with objects, pushes them, moves them around, walks around, wonders what is inside.
• knows the functional properties of many things around him. For example, a car drives, a bird flies, a boat floats, etc.
• imitates the actions and movements of adults
• shows emotions: surprise, admiration, affection, pity, sympathy, joy, pride, disappointment, etc.

If you want to raise a child, start with YOURSELF!

I must say right away that ensuring a decent upbringing of a child is a huge painstaking process that must be carried out, adhering to certain rules:

It is important to control and monitor your behavior. If you watch TV, and tell your child that you can’t watch TV, then don’t count on obedience. The peanut is at such an age that he wants to do the actions that you do, and if you ask him to do something, then most likely he will resist. For example, you ask him to calm down and stand still, and, as luck would have it, he will circle without stopping. In this case, I recommend telling him: “Run faster!” I give 90% that he will be very surprised, stop and decide to take a break!

Remember that when raising a baby, you need to show restraint and patience in order to adequately respond to the manifestation of his leadership, creative and hyperactive qualities. After all, children are small personalities with different temperaments, abilities, inclinations, etc. For example, if a toddler is a leader by nature and constantly expresses his opinion, puts forward ideas and proposals, then do not judge him, be sure to listen and give him freedom of choice in some things. Thus, the baby will grow up as a self-confident person, a leader whose opinion others will listen to.

By the way, if your child draws everywhere: on walls, wallpaper, furniture, and also willingly sculpts, likes to play with a designer, makes applications with pleasure, etc., then your child is a person with great creative potential.

In this case, I recommend parents to provide an appropriate area, the necessary materials and objects for the development of his talent. After my daughter painted the sofa, I realized that I urgently needed to buy a drawing board, drawing paper, pencils, needlework kits, etc.

Do not be upset if your child behaves like a monkey: jumping on the sofa or bed, climbing any hills, constantly spinning and spinning, not sitting in one place. It's just that your little one is one of the hyperactive children.

Do not scold the child for this, but simply find an activity for him using physical abilities. It can be a visit to the playground, outdoor games and much more.

There are categories of guys who are called tireless helpers. Such children are obedient, they always walk near their mother and try to help her in feeding pets, cleaning, arranging dishes, etc.

Do not discourage, interest the little one, ask him to complete one or another task that is feasible for him. Thus, from childhood he will be accustomed to hard work and will grow up to be your excellent assistant.
- teach your baby the rules of etiquette, hygiene and self-service.

• manifestation of love in physical form: hug, kiss the baby, play with him, feed and talk. In no case do not beat him and do not offend! Otherwise, the little one will grow up insecure, aggressive, distrustful or angry at the whole world. The boy must be brought up within strict limits, without unnecessary lisping, but also without despotic habits.
• do not limit the physical capabilities and activity of the child. As a rule, boys are more active than girls, so don't be surprised if your tomboy walks around with knocked-down knees, bumps and bruises. It is very good if the boy develops well physically, as he is the future defender of not only the family, but also possibly the country.
• don't worry if your boy doesn't speak well by the age of two or doesn't always ask to use the potty. Practice shows that boys develop in this regard more slowly than girls.
• psychologists recommend that parents contact their son with the words: “son”, “boy”, “assistant” ... Diminutive words such as “bunny”, “honey”, “cat” should be used as rarely as possible so that the little one is already from the smallest age understood that he was a future man - the breadwinner and protector of his family.

Are you raising a girl?

• develop your child's creativity. Almost all girls are calm, balanced, more diligent than boys. Monotonous work is easily given to them, a sense of beauty and imagination are developed, so girls are happy to draw, do modeling, appliqué, etc.
• encourage your daughter to express her emotions and feelings. Compliment your little princess, give her praise and tenderness, then at a young or adult age she will not melt in front of the boys, from the very first compliment made to her. The baby should grow up self-sufficient, self-confident, recognize false and insincere feelings.
• Give your daughter the opportunity to choose one or another game on her own. Do not be surprised if your little one, instead of playing daughters - mothers, started playing football, she just belongs to the category of girls - “boys”. Over time, her priorities may change, and she will become a real lady!
• from childhood, explain to the baby that she can achieve a lot in this life. Show your daughter pictures of women - actresses, politicians, doctors, teachers ... and explain that when she grows up, she will become such a respected aunt.

And, finally, I want to assess the incomprehensible behavior of a two-year-old child in certain situations and give recommendations:

• the child is naughty, hysterical and mischievous for no reason - he causes you to conflict! You can scold him, but in no case intimidate or use physical violence. He must know that the punishment is not torture, but a consequence of his disgusting behavior.
• the kid tries to express his point of view, interrupts you, wants to do it his own way. Be sure to listen to him, and then calmly explain what he is wrong about or think: maybe the words of a baby speak the truth!

Good luck to you, dear parents, in raising your little happiness!

Read more:

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Raising a son is usually offered to a man in a saying; "Build a house, plant a tree and raise a son." However, men do not always take or can take part in raising a boy, especially when he is 2, 3, 4, 5 years old. Psychologists say that the upbringing of future men is initially done by mothers who spend the first years of their lives with their children all the time.

Every mother wants to raise a healthy, happy and successful person. But since the approaches to raising boys and girls are different, then we have to consider separately how mothers should develop their babies, depending on their gender.

Boys and girls are future men and women. True representatives of the same sex are not born, but become. How to educate, what to develop in a boy, so that in the future he becomes a real support for his parents and future family, the website of the psychological help site will tell.

How to raise a boy without a father?

An erroneous opinion is the assertion that only a father can raise a real man. What really matters is the quality of education, not who does it. Single mothers do not always nurture rotten and losers in their sons. However, alcoholic fathers, tyrants, parasites, etc., have a rather detrimental effect on boys. Psychologists do not see the relationship of what gender a parent should be in order to raise a son as a real man. However, the importance of approaches in education is noted.

Not every woman can guarantee the unborn child that his father will stay with them. There are frequent cases when future fathers leave women, leaving them in an interesting position. How then to raise a boy to be a real man? Naturally, before the eyes of the son there should be a living example of a man whom he will look up to. If that example is not the father, then he should be found. It can be a neighbor, grandfather, friend, another man, etc. If the son and the other man establish good bonds between themselves, then the boy will try to be like him.

You can send your son to the "men's" section or where there will be many men. This also compensates for the lack of a father.

• Do not try to replace a father who is not with his son. It is better to cultivate independence in it from childhood. If he doesn't succeed the first time, let him try again after analyzing the errors.
• Do not scold, do not lisp, do not encourage the whims of the boy. Do not treat him like a pitiful creature who was deprived of paternal attention.
• The son should be praised with the same words that are applicable to men (protector, breadwinner, etc.).
• You should put yourself in the role of a “weak woman” so that the son fulfills the roles and duties where he shows strength (like a real man).

How to properly raise a boy?

From birth, future men develop qualities that they will then use in adulthood. It depends on the parents (or parent) what these qualities will be and how “masculine” they will be.

To properly raise a boy, psychologists recommend:

1. Give your son some freedom. He must feel the space of choice and gradually understand that his actions are followed by consequences, for which he is also responsible.
2. Give your son freedom of choice. Let him make his own decisions in some important matters.
3. Give your son both affection and coldness. Usually boys are brought up in harsh conditions when they should not cry and succumb to emotions. However, this often leads to deviations in behavior and character, which are characteristic of unhealthy individuals. In the future, someone begins to abuse alcohol, someone indulges in drugs, someone turns into a gigolo, etc. All forms of an unhealthy personality are the result of the fact that boys were not allowed to experience and show emotions, as girls are allowed to. But emotions are a natural reaction of the psyche, which must express itself.

How to raise a 2 year old boy?

The age of two is considered the period when children are already beginning to understand that they are different from babies of the opposite sex. Boys realize that they are somehow different from girls, so their upbringing begins to change from the age of two.

• Firstly, the baby should not be beaten or severely punished, as this can cause distrust of the world and a feeling of dislike for oneself.
• Secondly, the baby begins to improve his physical skills. You should not forbid the boy to jump and run, stuffing bumps and bruises.
• Third, do not punish your son for taking the initiative. Children are already gradually willing to do adult chores, helping their parents around the house. Encourage their desire, so as not to grow out of them clumsy.
• Fourth, set limits. Already gradually, the child should be accustomed to the word “no”, showing that some words and actions are forbidden to be performed, unpleasant consequences may follow.
• Fifth, let your child develop at their own pace. If he is somehow different from other boys, this does not mean that you need to sound the alarm or compare him with them. Let your baby grow up to the period when he learns something.

The main activity of the son is the game. It is in a playful way that you show him the world, teach him the skills and rules that are inherent in his gender.

How to raise a 3 year old boy?

The age of three is already marked by a greater understanding of the child about who he is. To raise a future man, you need to tell your son that he is a boy and that's good. Let him appreciate himself as a man. Praise him as a boy, as a representative of the stronger sex: "You are brave ... You are strong ... You are brave ...".

For a three-year-old son, the father becomes important (or a man who personifies a representative of his gender). Since the son is a man, he must learn to be a man from a member of that sex. That is why fathers should take an active part in the life of their sons from the age of three, so that otherwise the boy does not begin to reach out and equal his mother.

At this age, the son should be given free space. It can be either a corner in the room where only the baby is in command, or space in movements, choice. The son must gradually acquire his own territory in every sense of the word.

Parents should be aware of the following:

• The child begins to say "I myself." Gradually begins the separation of the son from the mother. This should be encouraged as the boy begins to become an independent person. He should be helped with this.
• The child is somehow different from other children. If the son is hyperactive, speaks little or studies poorly, he should not be punished for this. Love him for who he is and help him adjust his skills or character.

How to raise a 4 year old boy?

Despite the fact that the boy has reached the age of 4 and tries to be independent, he continues to be a child who needs the love of his parents.

Therefore, the first thing that adults need to do is to love their son.

1. Punish no more than praise. Otherwise, low self-esteem or aggressive behavior may develop.
2. Allow your child to express emotions. He is still a child who vividly experiences all inner experiences. They should be allowed to manifest, despite the fact that men do not cry.
3. Expand your baby's space. Let his circle of responsibilities become larger, as well as the circle of entertainment.
4. Continue to develop a positive attitude towards the gender of the baby. This should be done in such a way that there is no neglect of the opposite sex. Both sexes are important and the child should be taught this.

How to raise a 5 year old boy?

The age of five is the final period when the boy begins to understand what a man is. He increasingly begins to copy the habits of men, lovingly relating to girls. Especially interesting is the son begins to relate to his own mother, whom he begins to love and even wants to marry.

At this age, you should continue to develop masculine qualities in the baby. This is done by increasing the free space, assigning more and more responsibilities, allowing you to do more things, make decisions on more and more issues yourself. Toys should be "male", it is desirable to play with them for the father or friends of the baby.

Soon the boy will go to school, so he should be prepared for this period both intellectually and psychologically.

Already at this age, boys can begin to tell how to treat girls, what kind of relationship to build with them, how they differ from boys, etc.

How to raise a teenage boy?

The most difficult period in the upbringing of the future man is adolescence. The previously cute baby no longer obeys his parents, whom he perceives as an obstacle to his happiness. Now he is more subject to the opinion of friends, and not mom and dad.

Gradually, obedient, cheerful, sweet boys turn into aggressive, unfriendly rebels. However, we should not forget that even in adolescence, one should educate their children, making them future men.

In order not to face the problems that are often traced in families with teenagers, fathers should take an active part in upbringing. Mothers should fade into the background, because only an aggressive father can cope with an aggressive boy - a representative of his gender, who will teach the real state of affairs.

Outcome

Raising a boy is not as easy as it seems. If at an early age boys are obedient, then in adolescence they become uncontrollable. It is good if both parents are involved in the upbringing. However, the mother (or father) can independently cope with the child, if you do not forget about one thing - you are raising a future man, so treat him accordingly.

Mothers should remember that they are raising future men. And this means that some manifestations should not be expressed in relation to sons. What is good in raising a girl may be unnecessary in raising a boy. You should keep a picture of what kind of man you are raising in order to understand how to do it while he is small and pliable.

The midlife crisis is a common cliché that we all have long been accustomed to and do not consider it to be something special. But not everyone knows that this kind of turning point in the formation of personality happens not only with middle-aged men and growing teenagers, but with young children, namely at two or three years of age.

The formation of a child's character begins at the age of about 2-3 years. It is at this age that the little man enters his first crisis age and he needs the love and support of his parents. But what to do if a baby with an angelic face, calm up to this point, suddenly turns into a small domestic tyrant?

What is the reason?

First of all, you need to figure out what is happening with the child. The root cause of a sharp change in the child's behavior lies in his desire for independence - this is one of the most difficult stages in the formation of a personality. If earlier the child did not realize himself as a person and almost did not draw boundaries between himself, the world around him and his mother, accepting it all as a whole, now it's time to "break away" from the mother's heart. After all, this is no longer the baby who smiles when mom smiles and sits quietly while he is dressed. The child begins to realize his own "I" and one of the manifestations of this process is the study of the boundaries of what is permitted. At first glance, it seems that the child purposefully pisses off the parents, but this is not so. He simply explores what is possible, what is not and learns to manipulate loved ones. At this point, it is very important not to succumb to his provocations.

"I myself!"

Unfortunately, there is no clear age limit when the first transitional period begins. For some babies, this happens at the age of one and a half to two years, while others continue to please their parents for up to three years. Therefore, the first signs of a crisis phenomenon can take parents by surprise.

The manifestations of hysteria can be completely different - from demonstrative silence to screaming, crying and various forms of aggression. An occasion for a scene can be found at any time and can be completely insignificant. Sometimes the demands that a naughty baby puts forward may be impossible to fulfill. Sometimes it looks like a surge of accumulated tension, and sometimes it looks like a purposeful incapacitation of one or both parents. But be that as it may, there is only one reason: the baby enters a transitional age and masters a new system of relations with the people around him. Parents should not execute themselves, in any case, from the feeling of guilt that a two-year-old mom and dad can experience, it will not be better for anyone. This period must be taken for granted, and try to behave calmly and balancedly with the child.

The key phrase for the first transitional age of a child, as a rule, is the famous “I myself!”. With this statement, the child categorically informs his parents that he has already grown up and strives for independence. There is nothing wrong with the fact that with simple tasks the baby wants to learn how to cope without outside help. Such a desire should be welcomed and try not to infringe on the rights of the child. If he wants to dress himself, give him the opportunity. Try to start getting ready in advance, for example, for a visit, so as not to be late. Keep in mind that the child is still small and the dressing process will take him much more time than if you dressed him. In addition, it is good to give the child the opportunity to take part in the choice of clothes.

In addition, try to listen to the child's requirements, it is quite possible that they are justified. For example, you adhere to a strict schedule, and the child must have lunch at 13.00. But if today he doesn’t want to eat at the allotted time, first try to go forward and postpone lunch for half an hour, it is quite possible that the child will get hungry earlier than you expect.

Limits of what is permitted

Psychologists say that at the age of one and a half to three years, the child begins to explore the boundaries of what is permitted. And he needs these boundaries in order to feel safe. If earlier the baby had enough of his mother's hand and his father's voice, now he needs something more. The mechanism of the infant's interaction with the world is very simple: if the response of the external environment to the same action is repeated, then it is fixed by memory as a norm. In the future, trying to feel safe, the baby performs the same actions and waits for the usual results. If the results, and in specific cases, the reaction of the parents is different, then the child will not feel in the usual security. Therefore, hysteria on the same occasion can be repeated countless times. It is very important for parents to understand that this is not a whim of the child, but a desire to receive a sign that everything is in order, everything is normal, everything is as usual.

In addition, over time, the child needs to face the resistance of people and his environment. Receiving no resistance, he subconsciously feels that something is wrong and perceives this as a kind of danger. So the paradox that appears at first glance is actually quite natural: a hysterical child needs the resistance of others in order to feel safe.

In turn, parents are looking for ways out of this situation, and many of them even have their own know-how. It is important to understand which method is most suitable for your child: one needs a strict shout from a parent, another needs a mild but effective punishment (for example, sit on a chair and ask them to think about their behavior), the third needs soft, calm words from their mother, the fourth, alas, can no longer do without a good slap.

Oddly enough, but the most effective method is the absence of an audience. Hysteria is always directed at someone. If there is no public on which you can pour out your whims, then there will be no hysteria. Therefore, for the first time, psychologists recommend leaving the child alone in the room, it often happens that emotions, having reached their peak, disappear by themselves.

Another effective way is the so-called. In this case, you need to calmly, without emotions, inform the child that you understand his feelings: “I understand that you are tired and angry ...” or “I see that you are not feeling well ...”. It is important not to include interrogative intonations, the child can easily recognize falseness in the voice of his relatives, so the sentence, whatever its content, should have soft positive intonations. True, this method works only when the child is still able to perceive words, if the hysteria has already entered the active phase, then any exhortations may be useless and more severe intervention, and sometimes its complete absence, will be required.

We are friends

“I don’t understand anything! My wonderful baby, who smiled, laughed, ate well and went to bed without any problems, has now turned into an ugly and neurasthenic, - the mother of a three-year-old boy writes to psychologists. - He stopped going to the potty, every action - changing clothes, lunch, walking, going to the store, daily washing - everything begins with his words “I don’t want to, I won’t!”. Further, without any explanation, the child falls to the floor and throws a tantrum. Or starts throwing toys, tearing books and even fighting! What to do - I won’t put my mind to it! ”

In this case, the mother is simply overwhelmed with her expectations from the child, and he simply does not justify them. In fact, the best way to raise any child is to be friends with him. It is important not to divide family relations into children and parents, although, of course, the child must understand who is the eldest and chief in the family, treat this with respect, but not with fear. The best parents are those parents who know how to be friends with their children. To do this, you need to use the pronoun “we” more often and not leave the child alone with his problems (lack of an audience for hysteria does not count). If the baby suddenly balks and the turn of events threatens to tears, then it would be nice to sit next to him and talk, but so that your eyes are at the level of the child’s face, this eliminates the position “above” and establishes a more trusting relationship. Use active listening (“I can see that you are tired…”) and pay attention to your own emotions.

Feelings of a parent

Many parents experience irritation, impatience, frustration or even anger at a naughty child, but in every possible way they try to control themselves and not show their feelings. This is not always correct. Emotions accumulate and sooner or later pour out into an adult hysteria, which is not so easy to cope with. Everyone has the right to express their feelings, the only question is how to do this without hurting the feelings of the child. For this, there is a so-called “I-message”, which helps to avoid an explosion of accumulated emotions in a parent.

Sit next to your baby and say how you feel, such as "I'm tired of screaming loudly" or "I don't like toys under my feet." Avoid derogatory and accusatory forms of dialogue. For example, “I don’t like it when you scream” will be perceived by the child not as an expression of your feelings, but as an accusation against him. In this case, it is better to put the sentence in an impersonal form in relation to the baby, for example, “I feel bad when they shout loudly.”

If you feel like your personal emotions are about to burst out, it is best to express them in a calm manner and in a relatively calm environment, before they break out on their own and harm both you and your baby.

If the tantrum starts...

If a constructive dialogue with the child is impossible, his tantrum has already begun, then it is necessary to help him cope with it, even if this means complete non-interference in what is happening. Many fathers unconsciously win the favor of their own children by showing complete indifference to his tears and aggression. Whereas more sensitive mothers try to exhort or, even worse, satisfy the demands of a screaming child. “Anything to shut up” is the most dangerous way, it leads to the fact that the baby gradually becomes completely uncontrollable, gets used to achieving everything through screams and tears. Therefore, parents need to determine once and for all the list of allowed and forbidden things and always adhere to the established ban. It is enough to deviate from the created rules once, succumb to pity or other unacceptable feelings, as the baby will immediately feel his power over you. Thousands of previously said "no" will crumble into dust with a single "yes".

Very often, in a conflict situation, parents try to divert attention to something more interesting. However, this method is only good for very young children. During the transitional period, this technique will no longer help, but even if it helps, it will only become a temporary measure, since by distracting the child, you only postpone the solution of the problem, and do not solve it. The situation will repeat itself over and over again until it is resolved. Therefore, the moment of truth is necessary for every child, he will let him know that this way of interacting with others is no good.

So if the tantrum did happen, then avoid gratification, switching attention and persuasion. You should not indulge in lengthy explanations, this will not give the desired effect, because sometimes even adults, being in a strong annoyance, are not able to think rationally, let alone a small child. First of all, in simple and short phrases, explain to the little whim why his demands will not be satisfied. Do not enter into further negotiations, just leave the room, leaving the child alone with his thoughts. In 99% of cases, the tantrum will come to naught, and the child will come to you, thereby resuming the interrupted communication. It is best if the baby himself initiates the resumption of the conversation, since some children perceive the first word of the parent as surrender and the tantrum can begin in the second circle. But this does not mean that you need to sit in another room, personifying the impregnable Everest. If the child came by himself, caress him, hug him and be sure to discuss what happened, if not now, then later, when the passions finally subside.

When to go to a psychologist?

In some cases, it is still recommended to show the child to a psychologist, especially if the tantrums are protracted (do not go away in the absence of an audience), if none of the above methods work and, most importantly, if the family is dysfunctional or incomplete.

In addition, the transitional period ends naturally within a year and a half. But it happens that it is delayed and sometimes the reason for this is the erroneous behavior of parents. The crisis, in theory, has already passed, but the child still needs help. In this case, it would also be good to turn to a psychologist. It often happens that parents need help more than children, and as soon as adults put their thoughts and feelings in order, the kids gradually calm down by themselves.

Raising children 2-3 years old

Raising a child is a rather complicated process. Moreover, very often the results obtained do not at all coincide with our expectations. And this does not mean that our child is “bad”, he is special and does not at all have to be the way we want him to be. Children are already born with certain and. These features must be understood and supported. If we try to "remake" a child, we will go against him and nature itself.

Yes, of course, adults should guide and correct the behavior of the child, but this must be done with love, tact and caution, making sure that the child does not face an impossible task or does not feel fear of his parents. Moreover, it is necessary to look for an approach specifically to your child, taking into account the features and. So, for example, an optimistic child with a strong nervous system will survive your “pressures” without much loss and will only become stronger and more resilient from this. For those who by nature have heightened sensitivity, excessive severity can be an unbearable burden. A very active, without proper control can become unmanageable.

It is useful for parents to remember that the achieved result of upbringing does not always depend on the efforts expended: a lot consists of innate, the correspondence of parental requests to the capabilities of the baby, the harmony of parents and the family as a whole. Therefore, for example, a single mother who works from morning to evening can grow up a cheerful and balanced child, and in a family where mom and dad devoted a lot of time to purposeful upbringing, a suspicious and conflicted son grows up.

Material for the lesson.