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I kicked out my wife who betrayed me. Wife's betrayal: how to react, signs of adultery, advice from psychologists

Question for a psychologist:

Hello! My husband and I had no understanding for more than two years. He didn’t pay any attention to me, I always told myself that he was working, tired, trying for his family, I tried to give him hints first, and then I told him directly, but he just brushed me off, saying that these were female cockroaches. And now, more than two years have passed, it’s our wedding anniversary, and he didn’t even congratulate me in words or celebrate me in any way, but I really wanted a holiday. It destroyed me completely. I began to think that nothing would change, how can I live like this, maybe I need to get a divorce, but there was still hope in my soul and I began to remain silent. Soon, my ex-boyfriend wrote to me and we started communicating on social media. networks, almost 8 years have passed since we broke up, I was only 18 then and we met several times for a couple of months. He began to write that he still loves me and that I am the girl of his heart, I answered him, they say, I’m married, why do you need me, and then he simply deleted me when he found out that I would come to his city, but not alone , and with my husband. I didn’t write to him anymore, I hoped that I wouldn’t see him there. We went to that city, my husband left me to live with my parents and returned home himself. I started drinking every day, I didn’t know how to find the strength to return home to my husband. And one day I wrote to my ex, saying I loved him, I wanted to see his reaction, I myself didn’t feel anything at that moment and was drunk, he replied that he didn’t love me, I didn’t write to him anymore. A couple of days before leaving, I met an acquaintance who invited me to his salon for a drink, I went purely out of professional interest, my husband called me, I turned off the phone, I was afraid that he would misunderstand me, that I was sitting with a guy he didn’t know. This friend of mine took a photo of me and sent it to my ex and invited him to come. I found out about this and started drinking in one gulp. I don't know why I didn't leave there. He arrived, called me outside to talk, I started telling him why he wrote to me about love and why he came at all, we kissed, I was pretty drunk, at first I liked it, and then I pushed him away. After which we went to a bar, my ex left, I drank and danced all night. In the morning, my husband called me, a showdown began, after which I decided that I loved my husband and we could overcome everything, I returned to his house, he began to try, paid attention, I became happier. But he got into my phone and saw a correspondence with my ex, found out that we kissed and saw my declaration of love to him, which I wrote without feelings, to find out the reaction of my ex. My husband decided to get a divorce, even though he loves me, he no longer has trust in me, he said he couldn’t live like this, that a miracle would have to happen for him to change his mind. He admitted that he didn't give me attention and that he was sorry. After he suddenly found out everything, we were in love all day, he was literally a different person, I experienced an orgasm for the first time in my life, even he noticed it. But the next day he felt sick. He cried 2 times, said that he never cried because of a woman. He had the same situation with his ex, he saw her correspondence, gave her a chance, walked around gloomy all the time and after 3 months she left on her own. I love him very much, at first I had tears and hysterics, but now calm has come, I told him that there would be no more words, I would prove my love with actions and win his trust, I would perform the miracle he spoke about. I try not to remind him of the pain that I caused him, I behave calmly, and I don’t bother him again. He started repairs, I help him, I try from morning to evening, he sees it. Today we slept separately. I really want to save my family and make it better and stronger. He suggested going to the registry office in a week, after which there will be 30 days to make a decision, we live together, no one has the opportunity to leave. Do I have a chance to fix everything? Am I behaving correctly now?

Psychologist Yulia Kirillovna Popova answers the question.

Hello, Lyudmila!

You ask whether you can correct the current situation in the family and how to behave.

You first hinted, and then, importantly, directly spoke about your needs (attention), which were perceived as “female cockroaches” and ignored. After a long period of time (two years), a breakdown occurred after the anniversary.

The fact is that your behavior is akin to affect, when a person holds it in for a long time, and then breaks down and commits rash acts. Correspondence, confession, going to a club and more were done with the goal of getting what you rightly expected from your husband - male attention.

I don’t know all the circumstances, for example: are you fulfilling your husband’s needs, have you spoken about your needs in a sufficiently obvious manner, etc. I don’t want to justify your behavior, I’m just saying that what happened was natural. Responsibility for the relationship is shared equally. Everyone contributed to what happened and either both are doing something to save the family, or it’s still worth thinking hard about, do you need this? It looks very much like your husband is playing on your feelings of guilt and now you are doing everything again, and he is playing the role of a deceived husband. What about responsibility? How is it distributed this time? How did it happen that all the blame is on you and you are the only one wondering about your behavior again? You write that there was one happy day. Only one! And then he decided that the role of the victim suited him better, although if you look at the facts, you are with him, not with your ex. Another important fact is that he has already had such a situation; please note that if the same situation happens to the same person over and over again, then, most likely, he makes a significant contribution to it.

Now from questions, I suggest you move on to actions.

1. Exercise on a piece of paper.

2. Conversation with your husband.

Exercise. (After working through and thinking about this exercise, destroy the piece of paper. This exercise is only for you, do not hesitate to write what you feel, this is necessary to understand yourself).

Take a sheet of paper, lay it horizontally and draw a line (ray) along its entire length. This is your happy, long life. Put three dots. The first point is the beginning of life, the second is the beginning of a relationship with your husband, the third point is the time where you are now, the fourth point is the end of the relationship (we don’t put a fifth point, our life line is a ray, if the end of the relationship with your husband is not expected, then we don’t put fourth point). Do this, then read my answer further.

You have obtained time segments on the life line. Give each segment a name based on the role you assign to yourself (I’m not specifically telling you how to name the segments; think up for yourself what comes to mind first).

It is very important to try to look into the future, beyond the point that means the moment in time in which you are right now, a segment of your future life with your husband. Who are you there, who are you for him, who is responsible for the quality of your life, how people around you perceive you, what you have, what you don’t have, what you can do. Is this the kind of life you want for yourself?

Try to do this exercise conscientiously; it can help you sort through your life and understand what role you have in it.

You write that neither you nor he have the opportunity to leave (whose apartment? Do you work? Can you support yourself?). What next - divorced people living together?

You write that you brought him pain and are ready to prove your love. What about your husband? It has brought you pain for several years, what will it do? This is a one-way game, and you need to understand why you agree to this so easily.

If you think that he will forgive you and behave like that one day, then in any case, this needs to be discussed in detail. There are needs that we can sacrifice for the sake of relationships, and there are those without which we can’t get anywhere, and we need to understand and begin to respect this (the assessment of your need was given by your husband - “female cockroaches”, this tells us that the husband does not respect this need , considers it unnecessary, stupid, so he neglects it). How to convey to him that this is important, that this is not stupidity? Talk in a calm atmosphere, seriously, convey the significance of what is happening, establish cause-and-effect relationships: ignoring your needs for a long time → breakdown → changing the situation. Both need to change the situation, not only to prove something to you, but to him to think about why what happened happened. Otherwise, you will face a repeat of the situation and a breakup.

So, is there a chance to fix everything? Yes, if both try. How to behave? Let's add this question: how to lead BOTH OF YOU. Behave in such a way that you don’t want to repeat actions that hurt both of you. What should I do for this? Talk and decide what needs to be done to be happy. If being with you is a sufficient motive for your husband, he will try to give you what you need. Help him with this and support him.

5 Rating 5.00 (32 Votes)

Cheating is disgusting, vile, unpleasant! Finding out that the woman you love has cheated is very painful and, as a rule, the more you love the betrayed person, the deeper the “wounds” in your heart.

The fact of his wife's betrayal can unsettle any man. When the world, which until now seemed strong and stable, completely collapses, the test is, to put it mildly, extremely difficult. If such a situation arises in the family, then, first of all, the man needs to try to understand what pushed his wife to deceive.

Reasons for betrayal

In fact, a wife may have a lot of reasons for cheating. Here it is important to take into account the individuality and personality traits of a woman.

In some cases, women decide to cheat, often in deep despair: perhaps the husband does not pay enough attention, does not give the same warmth as before, or is “tormented” by excessive control. Very often, men provoke betrayal themselves when they are unable to overcome jealousy, and with constant suspicion they poison the lives of themselves and their spouse in particular.

Frequent reasons for female infidelity are the lack of sincerity in relationships, dissatisfaction with sex, and the constant need to meet the excessively high demands of the husband. It is also worth noting another fairly common reason for wives to cheat - revenge. Revenge can be justified (physical betrayal) and unjustified (jealousy). Unfortunately, in the first and second options, for many married women, the only way to restore “justice” and self-esteem is physical infidelity.

But there are some wives who treat going “to the left” as a game and are prone to cheating without any compelling argument, and this is truly “scary,” especially if there are children in the family.

How to live with it

As a rule, a man who finds out about his wife’s infidelity is faced with a clear question - how to live with it. The answer often lies directly in a person’s internal scales, for example: if a man realizes that he is “not an angel” and is not without sin, and sees what actions led to his wife cheating, then the scales of his internal scales will reach balance. In this case, dialogue and a revision of the lifestyle as a whole are quite likely.

To choose the right decision, you need to think “soberly” and not be guided by resentment and the desire for revenge. You need to try to pull yourself together and just talk to your wife. Never relieve stress with alcohol or drugs. Because negative emotions can easily ruin your whole life.

You need to understand that MOST married women are looking for understanding and affection on the side due to the extreme stage of despair. However, at the same time, many “wives” do not feel the best, since they are tormented by their conscience due to the fact that they are deceiving (betraying). When for a wife, CHEATING was a fatal and terrible mistake, and not a source of pleasure, and she really deeply repents. In this case, you need to find a dialogue, think about your mistakes together and come to a common compromise!

The betrayal of a loved one always unsettles you and deprives you of moral strength. A man calls his wife's betrayal one of the most powerful blows. Such an act seriously hurts a man's pride. Today we propose to talk about what to do if an inexhaustible source of jokes knocks on your door. We will tell you how to survive your wife's betrayal and understand the reasons for betrayal. Let's talk about how not to do anything stupid and not commit rash actions that you may later regret.

Signs of a wife cheating

Of course, it is very difficult to visually determine whether your spouse is cheating on you or not. Psychologists and sexologists say: if you started taking care of yourself, started leaving the house without the huge shopping bag that was typical for her, went to the salon and got yourself a new hairstyle, manicure and pedicure, and bought gorgeous underwear, you should be wary. Refusals in intimacy may also be a cause for concern. If your significant other regularly refuses you because she has a headache, she’s tired, she doesn’t feel like it today, or you smell bad, look for a man! Another alarm bell is regular delays at work. Often a woman begins to disappear on weekends: she has a plausible excuse ready for you - she says that she goes to the gym or to the library, to shopping or to the planetarium, to see a friend or her mother.

You should also think about your wife’s betrayal if she begins to have expensive jewelry and clothes, perfume and flowers. It is worth noting that according to statistics, 90% of adultery is detected, however, only 30 of them lead to divorce. In all other cases, husbands show nobility and forgive their wives’ affairs, preferring to save the family.

Of course, it is extremely difficult to deal with such serious family troubles. The advice of a psychologist is indispensable here. We have collected them for you in our material!

Turn on your mind

What does a husband do when he finds out about his wife’s betrayal - infidelity? Of course, the first thing that comes to his mind is the invention of a sophisticated punishment for an unfaithful woman. Being in a state of emotional shock, a husband can do stupid things for which he will later be incredibly ashamed. That is why, psychologists say, the first thing you need to do is calm down. Of course, this is incredibly difficult, but try to take control of your own emotions. As soon as the first shock passes, think about why your wife decided to commit such a serious offense. Experts say that when harmony reigns in a family, wives do not play around. Try to remember how you lived recently. Most likely, there has been discord in your family for a long time. That is why the betrayal of a wife is only the first alarming signal, which indicates a large number of problems.

Solution

Once your head is working as usual, you can calmly decide what to do next. A reasonable solution includes several points:

No physical violence.
Refusal of anything that goes beyond the law.
Lack of moral punishment.

Why did your wife cheat?

Speaking about his wife’s betrayal, we should separately consider the reasons why she committed treason. According to statistics, women go “left” much less often than men, because family is extremely important for most representatives of the fair sex. Do not create scandals and showdowns, do not threaten with physical violence. Try to figure out what exactly caused the deception. For example, cheating on a wife may be a kind of response to similar behavior of a spouse. Psychologists say that quite often in a situation where a husband pays too much attention to other women and maintains close relationships with them, his significant other tries to take revenge on him. Of course, in the same way.

It also happens that after cheating several times and being satisfied with revenge, a woman calms down, and family life goes on as before. Another reason for a wife's betrayal is lack of attention from her husband. Very often, women are forced to work equally with their spouses; moreover, they are faced with a large number of worries and troubles at home, with which their spouse rarely helps. Cheating on your wife in this case is a way to find mutual understanding. Often women decide to cheat because of dissatisfaction in sexual relationships. Try to analyze your behavior during intimacy with your wife. Perhaps it was this problem that pushed your beloved woman to betrayal. The most serious reason is the wife's love or affection for another man. In this situation, the risk of family breakdown is maximum.

Get rid of guilt

Such betrayal of a wife, such as infidelity, often leads to the fact that a decent husband begins to look for the reason for such behavior of his wife in himself. This can lead to complete confusion and despair. Quite often a feeling of guilt appears: a man begins to think that it is because of him that his family and the world are collapsing right before his eyes, and he cannot do anything about it. How can you help yourself in this situation? You need to try to understand that the betrayal of a husband by his wife is a deliberate choice of the other half. It’s just that for some reason the spouse did not look for ways to improve the relationship, but took the path of least resistance. Psychologists recommend accepting what happened. No one has yet invented a time machine; you will not turn back time and achieve the state of calm that reigned in your home before. Remember: in this situation, it was not you who acted destructively, but the person who acted vilely!

Take a break

After you find out about your wife's betrayal, give yourself time to cool down and calm down. This pause is incredibly important, because if you don’t take it, you will easily lose your state of mental balance. In a fit of anger, you can say a lot of offensive words to your spouse and take actions that will definitely lead to separation. If you're really having a hard time keeping yourself together and you feel like things are getting tense, limit your contact with your other half. You can live with friends or parents for a while.

This will give the deceived husband the opportunity to calm down and think through further actions. Do not rush in any way, try to use this situation for the benefit of your family relationships. Psychologists say: betrayal is not at all synonymous with the end of a relationship; in most cases, this problem can be solved. The betrayal of your wife will allow you to look at your family and yourself in a new way, to rethink something. The fact is that any betrayal is evidence that previously close people have now moved away from each other and have ceased to understand each other. Believe me, happy couples will not look for solace or entertainment on the side!

Talk about what happened

After you have taken the necessary pause, try to think about how you will live next. Remember: no one can make this important decision for you. What to do after your wife betrays you? Under no circumstances should you run away from this problem. You must understand that it will not resolve on its own. Experts in the field of family relationships recommend talking to your other half about what happened. If your emotions have subsided, you do not start the conversation with a showdown and a scandal, you can achieve quite good results. A conversation with your wife will help you free yourself from the oppressive feelings of guilt, despair and incredible pain. During the dialogue, try to analyze what kind of behavior of you or your partner could lead to such a situation. Try to give up accusations and insults for a while. Reveal to your wife the full depth of your inner experiences, and do not hesitate to express your own feelings: if you are worried and suffering, tell your wife about it.

Do you need to forgive your wife?

Psychologists say: very often they are approached by men who are thinking about whether to forgive a woman after betrayal or not. The reason why the wife decided to cheat will help you decide whether there is a chance to save the family or not. Quite often, the woman who cheated repents, which means that the situation can be resolved and family relationships can be saved. In order to answer your own question about whether it is worth forgiving the betrayal of your significant other, try to imagine your life without her. Imagine that you returned home from work, and your beloved woman is not there. Imagine that there are no joys and little things, you have lost family holidays and traditions. What hurts you more: the absence of a loved one or a blow to your pride? If you have made a decision in favor of your family, your next task is to forget about what happened and make the maximum amount of effort to strengthen the family unit.

Restore family relationships

Immediately after this, begin restoring or improving your old relationship. If you both want, this is quite easy to do. Following these recommendations will help you:

Pay attention to your appearance, any woman wants an attractive man next to her.
Dedicate more time and attention to your significant other, find out what she is interested in and what she dreams about.
Try to remember your first date, repeat the romantic moments of your very first meetings.
Remember the last time you gave your wife flowers? Looks like it's worth doing more often. Don't forget about compliments and nice words.
Discuss your sexual relationship, listen more often to your wife’s wishes.

Feeling of revenge

Often, a man who decides to break up with his other half after cheating thinks about how to take revenge on his wife for betrayal and betrayal. In an attempt to find the optimal method of punishment, many men do all sorts of stupid things. For example, they create fake accounts of their spouse on social networks, posting her phone number and explicit photos. It also happens that a deceived spouse destroys gifts that he once gave to his beloved woman. But perhaps one of the most sophisticated ways psychologists call flirting with your wife’s best friend.

Of course, the infidelity of a loved one can turn the whole world upside down. In the very first minutes after such news, panic sets in: the man simply does not understand what to do now, how to live further. That is why thoughts appear in his head about how to take revenge on his wife for betrayal. Experts say: feelings of revenge usually arise from resentment for oneself. The fact is that any person is inclined to idealize himself and his own actions, while not leaving others even the right to make mistakes. Try to understand that everyone can make mistakes, nothing is permanent in the world, this even applies to feelings and relationships. Before blaming your wife and coming up with an insidious plan for revenge, think about whether you yourself are ideal; have you really not cheated on your wife psychologically or physically in your entire life, or at least didn’t want to cheat? You should not hatch terrible plans for punishment if your spouse sincerely repents and asks for your forgiveness. It is likely that she really regrets taking such a step.

How to punish your wife?

The best way to punish a woman is absolute outward indifference. It hurts much more than attempts at revenge or physical violence. In the event that you cannot forgive your spouse, simply talk to your (ex) wife about the betrayal. Tell us what you knew about him for a long time. In this situation, psychologists say, her conscience may begin to torment her.

Let's try to summarize. It's up to you to forgive your wife or take revenge on her. However, it is important to understand that the desire to punish a person can lead to devastation and disgust for one’s own actions. Is revenge worth such sacrifices, and who do you take revenge on in such a case?..

We dated for five years and decided to get married. Two years have passed since the wedding, and we started talking about children. In principle, we could have thought about it earlier, but my career has been going uphill all this time, my wife’s job is also not bad: although she got a job thanks to her dad’s connections, she gave it her all due to her determination and hard work, and management had no complaints about her was. Therefore, long before the wedding, we agreed that work was more important. We lived, as it seemed to me, in perfect harmony, even if it was not always possible to spend as much time with each other as we wanted, but we were united by ambition and the belief that the two of us would still achieve a lot.

12-Step Guide to Surviving Infidelity

Your Chait's Heart - Hank Williams. So you caught your partner cheating, or he or she came forward and confessed. The answer to this question depends on whether you want it to end or not. For some, infidelity - sexual or emotional - is a deal breaker. Trust is broken, healing is impossible, and leaving is the only choice. For others it is a devastating but not fatal blow. Infidelity can kill a relationship or it can serve as an awakening and opportunity to make healthy changes that will save it in the long run.

And so, both of them were already in their thirties, and decided to slow down a little and look around. My wife’s mother died suddenly, she was worried for a long time, I supported her as best I could. Well, of course, a reassessment of values, she said that she wanted children and was afraid of missing out on time, like her mother (her mother was 47 when she died). I was happy: even though we agreed that we should first settle down and only then think about children, thoughts about the little toddler came to mind more and more often. During our life together, I never thought that our separation was even possible, so I had already managed to purchase a country plot and save money “for the future” when the child arrives.
In general, the matter remained small. And this little thing lasted for six months. My wife got busy and her nerves began to fray. I quit my job due to disagreements with my boss. She had a lot of free time, and some small graters began in everyday life that had not existed before. I was very worried and insisted that we contact a specialist. She denied it for a long time, she was afraid that she was barren and would not bear it. I, realizing that the problem could equally be mine and hers, decided to go to the doctor myself. I didn’t say anything to her so as not to upset her. I passed the tests, began to wait for the results, the day before going to the doctor I came home, she greeted me joyfully. She says she's pregnant. And cries. The black streak ended, I think I was incredibly happy.
The next day, of course, I didn’t go to the doctor, and generally forgot about it. Two weeks later they call from the clinic, the doctor offers to come and discuss the problems. I say, what are the problems? ! He answers that the test results are not entirely satisfactory, and you need to consult. I couldn’t even think about my wife’s infidelity then; I was more afraid that maybe there was some kind of threat to the child. I went to the doctor and he said that, most likely, I would not be able to have a child without using special methods. I say, how can it be, my wife is pregnant, that’s why I didn’t go to your previous appointment. The doctor paused, congratulated, said that he was only talking about probability, and in general, even the most accurate studies can often be wrong. But from his appearance I understood everything. I literally immediately became exhausted. I didn’t bother to find out anything at the clinic, I didn’t want to confirm the most rotten assumptions. I buried myself headlong in work, and my relationship with my wife became strained. I didn’t tell her anything, but she became a stranger to me. But she, on the contrary, shows excessive attention to me: constant calls, she began to pack lunches for work, some pleasant little things. and my heart aches when I think about a child, I fell in love with him in absentia. And I feel sorry for my wife, I curse myself for not spending enough time with her, for not noticing seemingly obvious things. He forgave, of course, and found more guilt in himself than in her.
Of course, she gave birth earlier than her due date. Just for the sake of formality, I asked once (so that she wouldn’t suspect that I knew: why?), she replied that, they say, the tests were lying, this happens. I pretended to believe in these wonderful coincidences in our lives, like deceiving tests and analyses. A girl was born, the most beautiful in the world. Happiness, incredible happiness when a child is born. I understood that the girl was not mine, but I loved her so much! It seems that for the first time in my adult life I could not hold back my tears.
For this occasion, friends and acquaintances were invited. Her former boss, with whom she allegedly had disagreements a year ago, arrived. They talked about something for a long time on the balcony, I couldn’t find a place for myself. I myself am calm and rational by nature, but then I felt that this was the root of all problems. Then I see her wiping away her tears, her boss and I are leaving, well, everything was clear without words. When my wife realized that she couldn’t get pregnant, she found solace at work in the hands of this asshole. And then, having learned that she was pregnant, she was afraid of the consequences and quit. And he thought for a long time, figured out what was what, and now he decided to divorce his wife (by the way, they had no children), and take mine and my daughter, of course. I couldn’t stand it anymore, a fight started, and for some reason the cops were called. Spent the next day in the cops. He returned, his idiot wife was sitting and crying. I ask what he is going to do. She whines that it’s so difficult for her that no one understands her. I told her that she could do whatever she wanted, if she wanted to leave, so be it. But the child will stay with me, even if he curls like a snake. We lived like this for several months, every day as if in war. This fagot recorded the beatings, and I went to trial. As a result, he withdrew the application, like, my wife insisted. We met with him one more time, but separated him in time.
The wife appealed to the registry office with a demand for a divorce, I did not object, separately pointing out the fact of my wife’s infidelity, since I understood that there would be a trial for my daughter. While the place of residence of the daughter and her mother was determined, she allegedly moved in with her father. Her boss called me and threatened to open up the battery case if I didn’t give up on the child. He said that his lawyers would jail him for a couple of months for his sweet soul. I told both of them to go to hell.
My life is broken, my wife and daughter are locked in with her father, she doesn’t answer calls, my nerves are like a string. In a rage I destroyed our apartment, I understand that it will only get worse. I miss my daughter, I really want to at least see her. And a feeling of some kind of universal powerlessness. Couldn't all this have been prevented...

If you love your partner and want to remain committed, it's important to realize this: you choose how you feel and react. You can be angry, angry and vindictive. You can add pain and widen the wound. Or you can acknowledge your pain and approach the problem with the goal of healing. The choice - and there is no right or wrong - is yours. If you want to try to get over infidelity, the 12 steps below can serve as guides to help you get back from the abyss.

Consequences of wife's betrayal

Forget about statistics, stereotypes and generalizations and don't let them determine your answer. If you have programmed your default response to anger and choose deliberate betrayal, you quickly destroy each other and the relationship. Understand that your situation is specific to both of you, focus on the relevant details and free yourself from the prescribed script. The root cause and meaning of infidelity does not come from a study of hormones or brain chemistry, a self-help book, or every novel, movie, and magazine article we've ever read.

Reasons for betrayal

In fact, a wife may have a lot of reasons for cheating. Here it is important to take into account the individuality and personality traits of a woman.

It is up to you and your partner to find out why this happened and formulate a treatment plan. Replace guilt with understanding. This may be true, but cheating - whether it's a one-day affair or a long-term affair - is almost always more complex, and the non-cheating partner plays a role in the drama.

Successful repairs depend on shared responsibility for healing, and you cannot share responsibility for healing if you do not share responsibility for the injury. Resist the urge to punish. You're in pain. And you want your partner to suffer too. And that's not all, you want your partner to pay. Now is your ultimate leverage point, time to present a list of demands, right? That vacation you were talking about? Super-expensive apology gift? Maybe even for life? "If you love me and you want to do things right, you owe me."

What to do after your wife cheats

But all this does is perpetuate the power imbalance in the relationship and turn you into a constant victim. Healing is not a consequence of punishment. Healing comes from forgiveness and change. Avoid revenge sex. It's not just that two wrongs don't make a right. This also means that sticking it to your partner while indulging in your own indiscretions will only distract you further. It just makes things more broken. The key here is to understand the difference between what may be in your best interests and what is in your best interests, or more accurately, the best interests of the relationship.

How to live with it

And deliberately hurting your partner will not be good. The high road is a hard road, but it is the only road that leads to healing. Don't tell the whole world. You will need support, so you may want to confide in a close friend or family member on your own, or see a doctor. But if there's a good chance you'll end up with your partner, you don't want to compromise him or her with your entire social circle and then have everyone question your motives for staying.

You and your partner will learn a subtle dance - a variation of the two-step - with one step back for every two steps forward and many challenging steps to get back to a solid base. The last thing you need is advice from an audience or public opinion rushing to your heart. Conversely, not telling anyone at all is probably unwise. Go ahead and get the perspective, but don't publish.

Don't become the police. It's tempting, after you find out you've been scammed, to demand access to your partner's email, voicemail, text, calendar, and other personal communication sources, and to insist on checking in so you know where he or she is at all times. If you really want all communication sources to be shared, make them reciprocal and open to avoid setting a double standard where you play the role of probation officer to get your partner back in jail.

My wife cheated with a co-worker for 1.5 years, I love her and hate her. We have a 5 year old daughter. I'm tired of everything, I don't want to live... maybe I'm a weakling?
Support the site:

ruslanzrr, age: 36 / 08/25/2012

Responses:

If this was just one case of betrayal, then it would still be possible to forgive. But one and a half years of infidelity can be forgiven
it is forbidden.
You are not a weakling, your wife is weak - she betrayed her family. You are not to blame for anything - remember this.

From Flame and Light, age: 23 / 08/25/2012

You're definitely not a weakling, we just can't be responsible for the actions of other people. I don't know if I can offer you any
way out, but I know one thing for sure: time puts everything in its place.
Once upon a time, my loved one, whom I had forgiven at that time, also cheated on me. We haven't been together for a long time, but now I don't feel any
I'm sorry about him and about this whole situation)

Nika, age: 21 / 08/25/2012

I understand that your weakness is in Love for your wife and daughter...but if your wife sees that she can get away with such behavior, she will continue...then just accept your fate and do not complain, but pretend that it is a victim for your love...

Inga, age: 49 / 08/25/2012

In your opinion, strong men share their wives with others. Figure out this situation and let her make a choice, either a family without betrayal, or freedom. You are right, we just need to live for ourselves, our daughter, and in general, by the grace of God, life was given to us, and it is not for us to end it. Go to confession, consult with a priest.

Olga, age: 51 / 08/25/2012

The main thing is not to forget that after......... time everything will calm down. Figure it out
is this true?????We need to understand why, if it’s true, we need to look and
don’t cut from the shoulder... But if it’s arbitrary, I think love can’t be forced
hold...It hurts...you need to wipe off the blood dripping from this
wounds, tie them with a bandage.....go forward. change.....something is wrong with her
Is it enough or is it a habit to change?Only you can answer this question
answer.....you have to endure the pain...it goes away!!!Love is not
dies... How do you behave in your family? It happens that one woman
is responsible for another, maybe you once offended some woman?
Ask her about it, what she thinks and feels. Maybe she slipped up
and in the fog, 1.5 years is a lot, figure it out - just quietly, with love....

RESUSCITATOLOGIST, age: 29 / 08/25/2012

You are not a weakling, your wife acted meanly! My daughter needs a father, so she has to live! There is no need to get a divorce and go anywhere, just know what kind of person your wife is and raise your daughter, pay all your attention to her! God help you!

Vadim, age: 55 / 08/26/2012

You're not a weakling. The fact that you don’t want to live is understandable, but you need to live. For my daughter's sake. And then, you need to know why your wife cheated? Darkness sometimes lasts for a very long time... They may say: any betrayal is unforgivable, what difference does it make, why? This is true, but not 100%. I don’t want to offend you, or justify your wife for something that cannot be justified - but maybe she was missing something important in the marriage, something without which she could not bear (warmth? physical? understanding?). I don’t know whether you know better whether this is true or she’s just frivolous rubbish - but if there is a chance that the family can be saved, that the wife will draw conclusions and will not indulge in fornication again - try to forgive. It's very, very, insanely hard. But it's much better than killing yourself.

Irina, age: 38 / 08/27/2012

Hello, I have the same story. I do not know what to do

Just a guy, age: 36 / 11/07/2013

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Happiness of the unfortunate

This conversation is about what strategic advantages in achieving truly high happiness are given to people by “innate unhappiness,” that is, the fact that they did not receive the gift of happiness from their parental family.

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