Why children are needed: the main motives of future parents. Why do men and women need children

The best way to make childrengood is to make them happy. / Oscar Wilde

Probably, the title of the article caused bewilderment among most readers.

But try to answer yourself why you gave birth or are going to give birth to a child. I think not everyone will answer right off the bat, but after thinking a little more, they will understand that the answer was not entirely honest, and there is a lot more personal behind this.

The issue of having a child is very complicated, because the purpose for which you want to give birth to him will have an impact on his entire future life. And believe me, the motivation of your parents for the birth of you has a huge impact on you even now.

Most of you will answer that the child -

• this is the meaning of life
• procreation,
• these are helpers in old age,
• this is an opportunity not to repeat/correct your own mistakes,
• to transfer experience and knowledge,
• to raise a worthy person and much more.

It turns out that in most cases the child is needed for something, and few perceive the child as a separate person. The child serves as a container for hopes, desires, for the realization of what we ourselves could not.

Yes - it's all there and will always be in the desires of parents, and that's fine!

• proof that he/she is capable of giving birth,
• remedy for loneliness
• the only way to keep a partner nearby,
• fulfill a duty to the family/society.

In this version, the child is perceived not as the fruit of loving people, but as a replacement for something or a way of compensation/replacement. In this case, any attempts of the child to realize himself as an independent person will either be obviously doomed to failure, or will be given with enormous difficulty.

Normally, the child grows and learns to be happy, to be sad with his parents, in this version he is heard and listened to, parents grow and develop with the child. In such a family, a child is not a duty, not a necessity, he builds his life, and does not bear our burden of claims to him.

But you should always remember a very important rule:
regardless of equal relations with the child, he must always know and remember that he is a child, and you are a parent, and you have your own rights and obligations. That you are in charge of the house.

Perhaps, special attention should be paid to the desire of parents to have a child of a certain gender. Being in the mother's tummy, for example, a girl, hears and feels how mom and dad want a boy and call her a man's name. She is no longer comfortable inside, in such cases, childbirth is most often protracted, and the child can be born either prematurely (the desire to escape and "reclaim" her gender), or post-term (anxiety is so great that it is better to stay inside as long as possible).

Of course, after some time, the parents will love their baby very much, but for the girl it will be a strong intrauterine trauma. As she grows older, she will have problems not only with her parents, but also with the opposite sex.

Psychologists working at sex reassignment clinics very often hear stories from their patients about how their parents wanted a child of the opposite sex. And although over time they said that they loved their child, the body remained hated for the child (this is not the only reason for changing sex!).

It is worth considering if you want to have a child, is the gender of the child so important to you? If the child is really not a means to meet your needs, but a living little man, your flesh and blood, then you should tell him how you are waiting for the time when he will come to you. And don't expect just a boy or just a girl.

There are two more, from my point of view, terrible in relation to the child, the need to give birth to a child.

1. The first is a child instead of the deceased. More often they give birth in exchange (!) for their deceased child, but there are cases when they give birth to a child “in exchange” for a deceased relative (mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, sisters, brothers and cousins).
   Such children are initially programmed not as individuals, but as replacements. The unrealistic task of becoming an exact copy falls on them. More often than others, they simply do not understand who they are and why they were born. It is difficult for them to understand what others want from them. Or vice versa - they try so hard to fit the image that they live and die like the one they replaced.
2. And the second is a child to save the already existing one. No matter how scary it is to write, but today in world practice there are cases when a child is born in order to save the life of an existing one by transplanting a healthy organ into it. Whether it is possible to consider such people as mentally healthy, I do not know, but there are facts.

I really want children to be born simply because one day two people met each other, fell in love and decided to start a family, build a nest, support each other in sorrow and joy.

The family always begins with the advent of the third!
Only the appearance of a child in the house makes this house truly alive!
And we can realize ourselves as a parent couple only when we have children!
And it is very important to realize why you need a child!
After all, what we invest at conception, we get as a result.

Children are very good, but it is important to appreciate them and love them as individuals!

Let children's laughter sound in your house!

The first question that is important for spouses to clarify even before the moment of conception is the question of motivation: why do we want a baby? Why do we need children? As a rule, there are always several motives, and they may differ for a husband and wife. Some of the motives are realized, but many remain hidden in the unconscious, and only a specialist can help to discover them, using special techniques, including questionnaires. Answers based on a generalization or categorical statement: “It’s natural - all normal people want” or “It’s our duty, as it should be, a full-fledged family is impossible without children”, from a psychological point of view, they indicate more about the infantilism of future parents than about their readiness to the birth of the first child. Why? There are many reasons, we list some of them.

First of all, wanting to have a baby is not a sign of "normality", and not all "normal people" want to become parents, just as not everyone wants to get married. There are different paths and purposes in life (for example, monasticism), various opportunities and features, there are situations in which parenthood, although desirable, is not feasible. Therefore, “everything” and “normal” as an explanation do not fit here.

Secondly, “as it should be” - in this case calls into question the freedom of choice spouses, and together with freedom and responsibility. “We were ordered, we did it” - this is an infantile position here, because in order to fully realize your parenthood, it is important to be personally mature: “I am ready, I can, I want, I choose, I answer.”

And finally, thirdly, The value of a family is not determined by the presence of children. So, Saints Peter and Fevronia, who are revered in Russia as patrons of the family and marriage, according to legend, were childless. After the birth of Jesus Christ, the Old Testament attitude towards childlessness changed as God's curse and punishment. People's expectation of the coming of the Messiah into the world has been replaced by a desire to embody his commandments in their lives.

Of course, it is wonderful when there are children born in love in the family, and the Bible says: “And God blessed them, and God said to them: be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it” (Gen. 1: 28) . It is only important not to forget something else: in the prayers of the wedding rite, the Orthodox Church expresses the belief that childbearing is the desired fruit of legal marriage, but at the same time not its only goal. Along with the “fruit of the womb, for the benefit”, spouses are asked for gifts of enduring mutual love, chastity, “unanimity of souls and bodies” ( Cit. Quoted from: Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the ROC).

The birth of a child is not the meaning and purpose of marriage, but also not a “means of saving the soul,” as those who prefer to focus their lives on quotes taken out of context from the messages and sayings of the holy fathers believe.

And then there is the myth of the so-called maternal instinct. Dispelling myths is a thankless task, but a noble one, so we dare to encroach on the "holy". Let's start with a definition: the main sign of instinctive behavior in animals is that it is innate, carried out automatically, reproduced unconsciously, that is, without any participation of thought and will. But man is not an animal. Assuming that a person has instincts, we question his freedom. Based on the foregoing, the first argument is “against”: a person, from the point of view of Christian anthropology, does not have and cannot have instincts, since this would contradict the idea of ​​​​a person created by God in His image and likeness and possessing freedom, will and creative gift .

Of course, one could say that this argument is only good for believers. But there is another, understandable to everyone: if we consider the desire to have children as instinctive, how then to explain the situation with abortions? If parenthood is instinctive, there would be no abortion at all, and this, to the deepest regret, is not so. Instinct is what all “individuals of this species” should have, but then why is our country today one of the first places in terms of the number of abortions as a percentage of the total number of children born? Abortions are done by both women who do not have children, and those who have already given birth, and even those with many children. One of the explanations for such a depressing picture: the generally accepted attitude towards children as "an object of desire" ("I want to have a child") also suggests the opposite pole - "I do not want to have a child." As if the life of a person can be discussed in the categories of "to have - not to have."

We will not go into detail on the description destructive motives for having children Let's just list some of them:

Strengthen relationships in the family (bind to yourself, return the husband, prevent his departure);

Force a partner to marry;

Improve living conditions;

Force parents to come to terms with marriage;

To give birth “for health” (“abortion is harmful, and pregnancy rejuvenates”);

"to give birth to everyone in spite", to take revenge;

Get material benefits;

Change social status and much more.

Such motives have a destructive effect on marital relations, and on the personality of each of the spouses, and on the life and development of the child - we hope that this is clear without explanation.

So, all motivations for the birth of children, from our point of view, can be conditionally divided into two types: “child-object” ( means) and "child-subject" ( absolute value).

The “child-object”, having been born, must provide its parents with the satisfaction of their psychological needs:

In unconditional, selfless love and fidelity (“Having taken the child in my arms, for the first time in my life I felt that someone loves me just like that, will not exchange me for anyone, and this is forever!”; “At least someone will will love"; "I will always be the best and most beloved woman for my son!");

In the feeling of one's own value (“I am a mother, and mother is sacred!”) And completeness (“I, like any normal person, have children”);

In the sense of my own life (“Before the birth of the child, I did not understand why I live”; “If something happens to the child, I will have nothing to live for”; “My children are the main and only meaning of my life”);

In self-affirmation (“My child - what I want, I do with him”; “I am a king and god for my children”);

In self-realization (“Children should achieve everything that I dreamed of”; “Children are my continuation, my pride!”; “My child should have everything that I didn’t have”);

Feeling like an adult and smart (“Children are not toys for you!”; “Don’t teach me how to live, now I’m a parent myself!”; “You yourself first give birth, and then you will give me advice on upbringing!”);

In their own need (“Children will always need parents”; “Where will he go without us”; “Now I have at least one close person whom I can take care of”);

Safe and secure (“I will never be alone”; “Will someone bring me a glass of water in my old age”).

It turns out that future parents have some kind of deficit, some unsatisfied desires, ambitions, fears that they hope to cope with with the help of a child, and the baby, not yet born, already owes them something. Inadequate expectations placed on a child cannot be justified by definition - after all, they are initially built on false ideas. Although “folk wisdom” would argue with us here, because the phrases that we cited as examples are taken from life and sound natural to many, their correctness is beyond doubt. But in this case, this is not the voice of wisdom, but of “folk” stupidity, since all the above statements are an example of selfishness, egocentrism, personal immaturity, and not an adult parental position (forgive me if someone recognizes themselves in these examples).

When a child does not act as an object, but is perceived by parents as a subject, as a person, relations with him are built on completely different grounds. The emphasis is no longer on the child's expectations that he will give something to his parents (or save him from something), but, on the contrary, the focus is on the ability of parents to meet the needs of the baby. The “fairy tale about the norm” assumes that by the time the spouses are ready to become parents, they already have an emotional and personal “living wage”: a sense of the unconditional value of their own personality and life; conscious meaning of one's life; adequate self-esteem; honest knowledge of their strengths and weaknesses, their capabilities and limitations (therefore, they do not need unlimited power over the child for self-affirmation); various ways of self-realization, acceptance of oneself, other people and life in its entirety; courage in the face of the unpredictability and uncertainty of the future.

So these are two adults.

After reading this list, someone will be surprised: if I have all this, I live a full and interesting life, then why do I need a child? And this is the most important thing: it is not the child that parents need, but the parents that the child needs, it is not the baby that must meet the expectations of adults, but adults must have sufficient resources (both physical and psychological) to satisfy all the basic needs and desires of the child.

When parents have an excess of strength and mutual love, joy, and they are ready to generously share it, give their wealth wholeheartedly, then their child has a chance to feel like a subject, a valuable person, worthy of unconditional love and care.

But in the minds of many modern people, parent-child relationships are, alas, turned upside down. How wonderful it would be if children were born from an excess of parental love and strength, and not to make up for their inferiority and heal complexes.

Talking to clarify the motivation for having a baby can be not pleasant. Perhaps one of the spouses or both will suddenly find that they are psychologically completely unprepared for the appearance of a baby. “So what now - not to give birth, but to wait for the onset of personal maturity? And if she does not come to old age, then she will remain without children? is a typical question at lectures, seminars and consultations. To wait or not to wait, how long to wait and what - the decision is made only by the spouses themselves, since this decision lies in the zone of their personal responsibility, and no one has the right to either allow them or forbid them. It is only important that, when making one of the most important and fateful decisions in their lives - the decision about the unborn child - the spouses are well aware of their characteristics and limitations, understand what their own psychological needs are not yet satisfied, and learn to find various ways to satisfy them, without attracting children to this “honorable mission”.

Happy, full-fledged parenthood is also possible with imperfect parents (to be honest, we have never seen perfect ones). The main thing is that they do not count on the child as a deliverer from intrapersonal problems and interpersonal conflicts. At the same time, children, of course, to some extent affect parental self-esteem, and the sense of value and meaningfulness of life, and self-realization, etc., etc., but this is not their main task. Each child comes into this world to become himself in the fullness of the potential laid in him by God. And adults are simply obliged to take care of creating the best (based on their capabilities) conditions for the development of the personality that the Lord entrusted to their care for a while.

Psychological readiness for parenthood may include the following:

Recognition of the greatest significance of the birth of a new person into the world (instead of a devaluing attitude towards the child as an object);

Awareness of one’s adequate responsibility for the life, health and development of the child (instead of inadequate hyper- or hypo-responsibility - “everything” or “nothing”);

The ability of parents to show unconditional love and fidelity (instead of expecting it from a child);

Feeling and recognition of the unconditional value of the life and personality of the child (instead of the desire to assert itself at his expense);

Respect for the personality and own meaning of the child's life (instead of making it the meaning of one's life or imposing one's own meanings on him);

The ability to support the child in his self-realization (instead of self-realization at his expense);

Recognition of the child's right to originality, individuality (instead of ignoring or denying the child's characteristics and drawing him into a dependent relationship);

Willingness to create safe and protected conditions for the development of the child, take care of his needs and satisfy both physical and psychological needs (instead of making a parent out of a child for himself - expecting care, attention, understanding, etc. from him, as from adult).

Difficult requirements, but, you see, the task is extremely complex and responsible.

From the new book by Archpriest Andrey Lorgus and psychologist Olga Krasnikova "Life after the wedding", published by the Nikea publishing house.

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On the eve of Children's Day, I would like to offer an answer to the question of why children are needed. Today Russia ranks first in the number of children abandoned by their parents. In 2012 in Russia, 20,000 children ran away from home and are wanted; 1500 children committed suicide. Russia ranks first in the world in terms of the number of suicides among children and adolescents.
Recently it was shown on television how in Volgograd a mother of seven children is forced to live in a social hotel, because she does not have the means to buy an apartment and even to feed her children. Therefore, the mother decided to give older children to an orphanage and give up parental rights.
In Russia in 2014, more than 36.5 thousand parents were deprived of parental rights. 100 thousand children are orphans; 85% of them are orphans with living parents!
Involuntarily you will think: why do we need children?

Since my student years, I have been studying crimes against children and deviant behavior of young people. When I studied at the Faculty of Law, I worked in the laboratory of student problems at the Research Institute for Comprehensive Social Research; then he headed the laboratory of childhood problems at the Lenin Children's Fund; then he taught law at the school, where he created a laboratory for social and psychological assistance.

I have more than forty scientific papers on the problems of children and youth. On May 27, 2015, my supervisor, Doctor of Law, Professor Yakov Ilyich Gilinsky, invited me to the XXVIII International Baltic Criminological Conference "Crime and Social Control in the Postmodern Era".
Among the many interesting reports (which I will talk about separately), my attention was drawn to the speeches devoted to the problem of protecting children from criminal encroachments.

The head of the Investigative Committee of Russia, Alexander Bastrykin, said that in 2012 more than 2,000 serious crimes were committed against children in Russia. More than 1,200 cases of child sexual abuse have been documented, with 160 children killed and more than 450 seriously injured.

In 2014, 1 million 947 thousand children were born in Russia. In the same year, 11 thousand crimes were committed against children, and every eighth child became a victim in his own family.

Only a third of Russians believe that physical punishment harms the upbringing of children.
It is clear why about 10,000 children go missing in Russia every year.

Today, Russia ranks first in the world in terms of the number of divorces and children born out of wedlock. Every second registered marriage breaks up. At the same time, almost 1.5 million Russians do NOT pay child support to their children. Bailiffs have more than nine hundred thousand enforcement proceedings for the payment of child support. 60 thousand malicious non-payers of alimony are brought to criminal responsibility.

Why are children needed? To give a glass of water in old age to someone?

Some women think like this:
“Health and figure will be damaged irrevocably. Bad teeth, sagging breasts, stretch marks... One can not even dream of traveling abroad for three years. Also, the ever-screaming, urinating, shitting creature won't let you get a good night's sleep. Career can be safely deleted from your plans. It's good if the job and the employer can wait. And if you are a young mother, then you will not have high positions. For a petty, non-thinking creature paralyzes the brain and is sure to suffer from some ridiculous illness from time to time.

Some women give birth solely for health, and they do not need to feed and raise a child. Here they are handed over to the shelter.
70% of Russians condemn mothers who abandoned children in the maternity hospital.

Individual pregnant women and new mothers divorce their husbands in order to be single mothers and receive social benefits. They even go for voluntary renunciation of parental rights to their children so that the children are recognized as orphans, provided with housing and social benefits.

Deprivation of parental rights is now seen not as a punishment, but as a release from responsibility for the child.
Men and women cohabit, and at the birth of children they do not give a surname to their child, so that the mother is single and receives social benefits.

Many look to the future, and not seeing anything bright there, do not want to have children.
Modern women are in no hurry to get married, because the husband is not able to feed even one woman. Now men are trying to put everything on the fragile shoulders of women, including themselves.

Irresponsible men cohabit with women, but they don't want children, they don't want responsibility. Paternity has to be proven in court.
Famous case: dad left the child in the car, forgot about it, went to the store, and the child died from the heat.

The fact that women do not give birth is solely the fault of men; and the fact that they still give birth in spite of everything is the merit exclusively of the women themselves.
Often women marry for the sake of having a child, and some for the sake of receiving alimony after a divorce. A lonely woman does not think about the fate of the child, she thinks about herself.
Some women are unable to give birth and take children from orphanages in order to receive social benefits.

Parents cannot get along with children. They are suing because of alimony, because of an inheritance, because of an apartment and property ... Moreover, children kill their parents, and parents kill their children!

The moral decay of society has reached cosmic proportions! Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Rogozin admitted that the reason for the fall of spaceships is "moral decay."

How many girls get pregnant, not knowing what to do with their unexpected offspring?! It is rare that anyone can be persuaded to keep the child: they are either thrown into the garbage chute, or drowned in the toilet, or dismembered and hidden in a landfill.

When a young mother is carried to feed a child, she feels it, and she may have either an excess of milk - if the child is beloved and long-awaited, or a lack - if the child is a burden for her. And no formulas can replace breast milk, no medicines can cure a child who is sick primarily because he lacks motherly love. That is why they find babies in garbage cans and garbage chutes. This is how mothers try to get rid of their unwanted children, although these are rare cases. Most either have an abortion or torture a child for the rest of their lives.

Recently, the deputies proposed to make abortion payable, and to equate "civil marriage" with official marriage.
However, it is hardly possible to resolve this problem by purely legal methods, without moral support. Rather, measures of education of responsibility. After all, the family does not rest on the law, but on love.
There is no need to pass new laws; existing ones need to be reviewed.

Who can support three or more children now?

Maternity capital is paid at the birth of a second child. And if a third, fourth, fifth is born?

Why do children under 5 go almost everywhere for free, and after five they pay like adults?

If the state needs citizens, then it is necessary to provide for all born children.
And if the state does not meet the needs of its citizens, then what is left for them?
To survive, people try to deceive the state.

There are cases when people enter into a "sham marriage" and even get divorced fictitiously for the sake of receiving social benefits.
Often, divorce proceedings and determining with whom the child will live in fact turn out to be a division of jointly acquired property.

Based on my experience as a lawyer, I can say that in most cases, divorce proceedings are an arena for a struggle between two vanities. And the child is just a weapon of struggle.
One of my acquaintances got divorced for seven years, trying to sue the child for himself. Three times the district court ruled against my father, and three times we sought to overturn this decision in a higher court. In the end, it got to the point where the mother stated in court that the defendant was not the child's father. And when we demanded a genetic examination to establish the authenticity of paternity, she immediately agreed to “cede” her daughter to her father.

It was once reported that one "terrorist" entered a kindergarten and took young children hostage. After negotiations, most of the children were released. It was not clear to many why the “terrorist” did this. Later it turned out that his wife works in this kindergarten and his children are there.

“I live for my family and children, and in this I see the meaning of my existence. Personally, it feeds me and serves as a catalyst for vital energy that someone needs me. If no one needs me, then I can easily leave this world, ”the unfortunate father told me.
In his daughter, he saw an opportunity to create an ideal woman - his old fairy-tale dream. Love for his daughter helped to believe that someone needed him, that his life was not in vain.
Children are always hope, hope for a better future, faith that they will succeed in what you did not succeed.

The fact that there are children, grandchildren, and everything will not disappear after your death - there is a great meaning in all this, some kind of great hope. To some extent, children are "immortality" and "eternal return" ...

I myself experienced something similar, which I described in the true story "The Wanderer" (mystery). However, I did not tear the child apart, remembering the wise decision of King Solomon.
When two women came to King Solomon for judgment, and each called herself the mother of the child, the king made a wise decision, giving the women the power to pull the child to her, and then the real mother gave in so as not to cause her child suffering. I did the same. I did not tear the child apart, but only achieved a legal decision in my favor, giving my daughter the right to live where she wants.

If the child were unequivocally "assigned" to the father, as in Arab countries, then, I believe, there would be fewer divorces, and men would have more responsibility.
My neighbor has separated from her husband and leads lovers, and all this in front of the child. And the husband at this time is forced to sleep nearby on the floor in his own apartment.

Once they did a study, and it turned out that eleven percent of fathers naively believe that they are raising their own children, while the child is actually from another man.

Today's Family Code of the Russian Federation is clearly skewed in favor of the rights of women, mothers. Therefore, men do not want to marry, because they understand that in the event of a divorce, the law is on the side of the woman.

The state does not protect the interests of women, but first of all its own interests. The fact is that a woman produces new citizens for the state.

Why does a modern woman need a child?

Previously, children were born for the sake of obtaining an apartment. Today, some women give birth in order to receive "maternity capital" or free land.

Before having a child, you need to think about what we can give him, what kind of upbringing. In Soviet times, raising a child under 18 cost as much as a Volga car. Now, I think, like "Benkley", no less.
Many send their child to kindergarten only because the family does not have enough money and the mother is forced to work.

Some believe that children are the meaning of life. Others believe that children are an "accident".

If a person does not have children (well, it doesn’t work out) - is his life meaningless?
There was even a whole social movement - "life without children." "Children are the flowers of life, but let them grow in someone else's garden."

"If you want to live a life without problems, never have children."
"Children are a trap that men set for women."
“For me, children are a need. Like physical hunger, like desire for love; as a necessity for self-realization.
“Being a mother is the same job as everyone else, only without holidays, without bonuses and without sick leave.”
“When it became unbearable to live with my husband, I began to think about suicide. But my child saved me. Because I had to live for him.”

Some women think that they will fall in love, be able to reciprocate, marry in order to have a home and a family. They argue something like this: “If everyone sat and waited for their ideal love, how many women would be left alone?”

How about without children? And so life stops.
- Will not stop. And if it stops, so be it. Why is she, life, if you have to suffer endlessly. No, children are one thing.
So your mother gave birth to you too.
- And it would be better not to give birth. It's better not to live at all than to suffer like this.
- But you must admit, children are a holiday.
A woman sat down on a seat nearby, placing a boy of eight years old on her lap.
- You are my toy, you are my sweetie, you are my joy, my fun.
- Mom, stop it, - the boy said, embarrassed.
- I gave birth to you, and now I can do whatever I want. You are my toy. I do what I want".
(from my true-life novel "The Wanderer" (mystery) on the site New Russian Literature)

Such women think about themselves, about their fate, and not about the fate of the child, which is most often unhappy.
Some parents see in the child an opportunity to realize what they themselves could not do. Behind this lies his own failed life.

“I want a child to ensure a peaceful old age,” some say.
“More children - more illnesses, quarrels, failures, divorces,” others say.

“I would like a child, but only from a loved one. And if you give birth to an unloved one, then the children will grow up without love, and become strangers, and as you were alone, you will remain alone.

"Everyone is afraid of loneliness, but it is inevitable - you still have to die alone."

Why are children needed? To be helpers and support in old age?
What if the kids grow up to be bandits?

"Our son grew up to be an 'enemy', a consumer, a thief and a drug addict," wrote one person. - And my wife and I are for him a "pasture" of sheep, from which you can and should pull money all the time. And our whole life was spent in the struggle for his health and well-being. In "getting" medicines and "appeasing" doctors. They didn't sleep, they didn't eat. They bought him the best that they could afford ... "

Happy parents do not have a question why children are needed.
But what if the child is disabled?

In ancient Greece, as you know, deformed newborn children were disposed of. Now they save no matter what.

Once I was talking to a woman who had a sick child.
“I don’t work and I’m constantly with my daughter. I was offered to give her to a special center, but I refused, because it's like putting a child in hell. Still better at home. Few people around me understand my position. Sometimes they don't even let you out of the queue. When it became clear that my child had a chronic illness, they immediately offered to take it. But since I refused, the doctors reduced their participation to a minimum, saying: “they would have passed, and there were no problems, and if you didn’t want to, then drag it yourself.” And everything, of course, fell on my shoulders. … One often hears from a flatmate: “I'll hit your freak; and why is she needed, why are you bothering others with her here?

Listen to how mothers talk to their children in stores, on the streets, in hospitals. You think they hate their children.
Once, in line ahead of me were two women with a stroller in which sat a little girl about two years old. The girl, apparently, recently began to speak, and all the time she mechanically repeated: "mother, mother, mother, mother, mother ...".
“If you don’t stop, I’ll tear out your tongue now,” said, apparently, “mother.” Another (“grandmother”) added: “Now I’ll call my uncle, he will drag you away ...”

“We gave birth to a daughter for entertainment, and now we are suffering. As much as I loved her before, I hate her so much now. … I generally hate children, although I have worked with them all my life.”

The three greatest delusions that make people unhappy are:
the first - as if you can achieve reciprocity with your love,
the second - "marriage is the best way to save love",
third - "children are the key to a strong family."

“Children grow up and have their own lives. You give them ten or fifteen years of your life, and then they leave. My girlfriend has two children, so it has come to this: the son of his own mother does not let him sleep in his own house.

The market economy has turned children into a commodity. And as long as they remain an attractive commodity, the problem will not be solved. After all, the profit from the trade in live goods exceeds the profit from the drug trade!

On the illegal market, human trafficking is one of the most profitable types of criminal business, since people can be resold more than once, especially for sexual services.
Up to 2 million women and children are forced to work in the sex industry every year!

A global market for sexual slavery has already formed. Children are sold directly from maternity hospitals to those families who are ready to pay big money for someone else's child; the parents are told that their child has died.

Children are used to produce child pornography and to provide sex services. At the same time, not only members of criminal gangs earn money, but also the parents themselves, who sell their children into slavery or for sexual use by pedophiles.
Pedophiles pay parents to use their young children for sexual entertainment and even perversion. Moreover, children do not know that they can become victims of sexual abuse or the slave trade. 150 children's fates end tragically every year.

When I worked at school, I taught parents and children how not to become a victim of crime.
I saw myself and teachers through the eyes of students, and I realized that adults are stupid children. Children have not yet learned to hide their feelings, have not forgotten how to love, and are not afraid to love - this is what distinguishes them from adults. Nothing can define a person more truly than a child's heart.
The experience of loving children has led me to a startling conclusion: the more love you give, the more love you get. The main difference between love and its mirages is that it returns to you in abundance!
Children, unlike adults, give joy for free, love fearlessly, without demanding anything in return. Or maybe this incomprehensible feeling is a guide to that kingdom that is accessible only to children?

Children are the second wind of life! And a new countdown, which you can plunge into, forgetting about your years. The child gives the opportunity to return to childhood.
Children are a special timer of our life, this is the desire for immortality, even if immortality is self-deception
Children are an expression of the desire for eternal life, the need to leave oneself in eternity in order to return to oneself someday.
A child is needed as part of life, as an integral part of self-realization.
(from my true-life novel "The Wanderer" (mystery) on the site New Russian Literature

Parents must understand a simple truth - LOVE TO CREATE NEED!

What do you think: WHY DO YOU NEED CHILDREN?

© Nikolai Kofirin - New Russian Literature -

Probably, every person has heard the phrase that a complete family is possible only with children. And this belief ruined the lives of many couples who decided to have a baby just because it was necessary. But in fact, not every spouse can clearly answer why they need children. They do not represent themselves as parents in the full sense of the word, and cannot understand exactly what functions they should perform. Let's try to talk in more detail about why children are needed in the family. And also answer the question: why do children need parents?

Why is there a child in the family?

There are quite a few motives for having a baby. Some married couples decide to give birth in order to improve their health, feel independent, acquire a new parental status, get rid of their own parents, etc. It is also customary in society to have children in order to raise helpers for themselves, raise good people, or give the child an appropriate social status.

Unfortunately, none of the above reasons is able to reflect the value of children's life as such. Children become a means to achieve the goals of their parents and for this reason alone cannot live a full life of their own.

People who are thinking about having children should realize once and for all that a child is not their property or part of the state. The kid is a free person from birth, and he has the right to choose his own destiny, to search for the meaning and purpose of life in his own ways.

Parents take on a huge responsibility by bringing a child into this world. Children come into our lives for our own development and full disclosure. They help parents to know themselves and the world through communication and joint activities. Parents have the opportunity to look at life through the eyes of a child, taking into account the lived experience, reconsider certain conclusions and understand something new.

Taking this information as an axiom, it is worth giving the baby complete freedom for the possible manifestation of himself in life. The soul of a child comes into this world to have its own life experience. Accordingly, we are raising a free person, a separate soul in a small body.

The general condition of the baby is a reflection, as in a mirror, of the parental level of development. It can be used to judge the state of mind of mom and dad, the opening of their hearts, the purity of thoughts, the balance of spiritual and material manifestations, and the presence of happiness.

Thus, we can conclude that we need children in order to share our life with them. Not to solve various problems and tasks, but to become happy and learn to be better.

Why do parents need a child?

Why children need parents is as important as why children are in the family. However, his parents ask themselves much less frequently. In fact, dad and mom for a child are the whole world and the whole Universe. Just they become the material for the construction of the kid himself and the rest of the world. Parents are not only a source of satisfaction of some needs of the child, they play the role of a means and a way to build themselves and all ideas about life.

In early childhood, the child completely merges with his mother, uses her to understand himself, his states and learn to evaluate them. In many ways, this merging continues until the end of childhood, and in part - until adolescence. As the baby grows older, the mother begins to play a slightly different role, the baby separates and masters the sexual role.

For girls, the mother becomes a model to which they show increased attention and sometimes even jealousy. And for boys, mother is the center of the world, she must give them enough affection, sympathy and recognition of “manhood”.

The role of the father in the life of children is also very high. At an early stage in a child's life, the father assumes many of the functions of the mother, but over time, he becomes a real standard of social concepts, embodying a demanding and evaluative function. Also, the father plays the role of a protector, helps the formation of the personality of the baby and his separation from the mother. A father is extremely important for a child, as an example of the role of a man in the family and beyond. For boys, the father becomes an example that he will consciously or subconsciously follow in later life. And for girls, dads are needed in the family as a model of a future partner, so it is extremely important that every dad sees and appreciates all the feminine qualities in his daughter.

Parents are the center of the baby's world. It is on the qualities of mom and dad that what kind of person a child grows up depends. In families where peace, warmth, respect, optimism and goodwill reign, children grow up calm and confident, feel the support of loved ones and their acceptance of themselves as a separate person.
And vice versa, if the baby grows in an atmosphere of anxiety, quarrels, conflicts and tension, he will feel lost, unnecessary, may become aggressive or, conversely, withdrawn.

Unfortunately, learning to be good parents is very difficult. After all, most married couples transfer their parenting style to their family, which leads to the repetition of the same mistakes. Of course, we all want our children to be really happy, successful and healthy. But for this you need to try and understand why they were given to us, and we to them.

For some people - for both women and men, the question of why children are needed sounds strange. "As?" - they exclaim, - "Is there a greater joy in the world than the appearance of a child, your child?". But this article is not written for them, but rather for those who doubt whether it is worth having a baby.

The value of procreation

Let's start with nature. Animals do not ask questions why children are needed. They just multiply. For what? Because instinctively they understand that the continuation of the family is the continuation of themselves. You may or may not believe in past and future lives, but the fact that your future life is the life of your child is beyond doubt for a reasonable person. Isn't this one of the main meanings of our existence - in the continuation of life? Exactly. Even if we turn to the lives of some highly revered sages, we learn that many of them had children. If even the wisest do not deny the value of procreation, perhaps this will be an occasion to think about the birth of a child for you too. Indeed: we continue in our children, not in future lives, but in children! After all, how simple it really is! Thanks to mother nature for inventing such a way of human immortality, because our children are the most valuable thing we have. Do you really think that millions and billions of living beings (and many people!) are wrong when they see the main goal of their life in procreation? There may be other goals in life, and even quite a few, but the birth and upbringing of offspring is one of the most important goals for almost every living being.

Children are the greatest joy in life

Think about it, isn't it wonderful to teach your baby to take the first steps, teach him to read, count, tell him how the world works, along the way answering all his questions? Communication with a child teaches us a lot. Next to children, we become spontaneous, cheerful, carefree, natural, we can be ourselves. Practically only our children and the closest people accept us as we are - this is another benefit for a person from raising their own children.

Children also allow us to fully express our feelings. Remember how sometimes you wanted to say something in a rush, but it didn’t work out: you were embarrassed, thought they wouldn’t understand. But baby, your baby will understand. And not only will he understand, but he will answer you in the same way. Raise your children and learn from them yourself. If you have many interests, and you sincerely share them with your baby, you will see that he will love some of your favorite activities. And it doesn't matter if you have a girl or a boy, they can both share your passion.

Someone gives birth to a child because it is necessary, but many do it consciously, perfectly understanding all the joys and difficulties of motherhood and fatherhood. And they give birth to not one, but several children. Why several? Because most often a child needs a brother or sister, and parents need another baby. And not only for, so to speak, their own reproduction, but also in order to once again experience the joy of raising a little crumb, to once again take the first steps with him.

The child is the basis of the family

And finally, such a thought: how can there be a full-fledged family without a child? The very concept of "family" implies the presence of at least two, who should have someone third. After all, why do people meet, fall in love and get married? Of course, in order to create a family - strong and friendly. And try to say that there are other goals! Those who love each other and who marry do not and cannot have other goals. And now a child appears in the family in order to bring the parents even closer, to bring the family closer together. Paying attention to the child, many parents become more tender to each other and kinder to others. Children teach us to love, be friends, be ourselves and enjoy life. And you still ask why children are needed?