What to do if you are being bullied. Something to applaud for. Bullied at school.

Bullying at school or, as they now say, bullying is a widespread phenomenon; it occurs in all countries of the world. It probably cannot be completely eradicated, although much depends on the social environment and the dominant values ​​in it. But what if your child is the one being bullied at school?

Why is this happening?

Previously, it was believed that unsuccessful and insecure children tended to bully their peers, who thus compensated for their own fears and complexes. But research has not confirmed this understanding of the situation. On the contrary, aggressors are very self-confident and ambitious. It seems that the only reason for their unethical behavior is that it is consistent with the value system of adolescent communities and is encouraged within them. It’s not for nothing that bully teenagers are socially successful, and their victims are ashamed to even admit that they were bullied. Additionally, bullying is facilitated by the peculiarities of the organization of school groups, in which adults are not included on a permanent basis in the circle of social interactions of schoolchildren and have only formal authority.

Who is being bullied?

Anyone can be a victim of bullying under the unfortunate circumstances, but some children are bullied at school much more often than others. According to statistics, a typical victim of bullying is an anxious, depressed, insecure and physically weak child who has no friends. The aggressors see his obvious inability to stand up for himself and take advantage of the convenient situation. Less likely to be bullied are those whose behavior seems defiant and provocative to their peers, as well as children who are too independent, indifferent and detached from the team. An additional risk factor is any behavioral or appearance characteristics that distinguish a child from his classmates. It could be anything: clothes that are too expensive or too cheap by local standards, nationality, freckles, low and high academic performance, manner of speaking, and much more.

How can I help my child?

Bullying at school is a case where it is easy to harm, but difficult to help. The natural reaction of parents in a situation when they find out that their child is being bullied at school is to immediately go to the teacher, principal or home of the offenders to personally restore order and restore justice. This emotional impulse can be understood, but the victim feels even worse after such help. Adults cannot lead a child by the hand everywhere, and sooner or later he still has to be left alone with his offenders, eager to take revenge for the trouble they have caused. In this way, the good old pedagogical technique of “punishment by the collective” is implemented, and the victim again finds himself in the role of the punished! Therefore, it is worth directly intervening in a situation only when it comes to physical violence and a serious threat to life and health.

The opposite parental style of behavior is not to interfere and allow the child to learn on his own to establish contact with peers and find a way out of conflict situations. This undoubtedly wise and far-sighted educational approach works great when it comes to banal children's conflicts. However, systematic bullying means that the situation is out of control, and the child’s own internal resources are not enough to solve it. Bullying in school doesn't teach you anything or build character. On the contrary, they often cause severe psychological damage, aggravate anxiety and self-doubt, and form.

So how can you stop bullying at school? It is important to teach a child to defend himself and defend his rights. It will be useful to analyze the situation in detail, discuss how to react to certain actions of the offenders, maybe even act out a scene in person. It’s even better if it’s not you, but a professional psychologist who does this. Physical preparation and the ability to fight back are also important. Therefore, it would be useful - for both boys and girls - to have some kind of sports section where the child can acquire self-defense skills.

Finally, you can simply transfer your child to another school. This seems like an escape from the problem, but is often the only reasonable option. Bullies are reluctant to part with their beloved victim, and even if her behavior style changes dramatically, they will not easily leave her alone. Building relationships with peers from scratch, in a new place, is much easier.

What forms can bullying take?

Bullying is more than physical attacks. These may include:

• Verbal attacks.“Girls can hurt very painfully with their words,” shares 20-year-old Celine. “I will never forget what nicknames they came up with for me and what they said about me. Because of them, I felt like a complete insignificance, useless and good for nothing.” . It would be better if they beat me."
• Boycott.“My classmates started ignoring me,” says 18-year-old Hayley. “They pretended there was no more room at the table where they sat at lunch. For a whole year I cried and ate alone.”
• Cyberbullying."With just a few hits on the keys, you can destroy someone's reputation and sometimes even their life. It sounds like an exaggeration, but it's a fact," says 14-year-old Daniel. Cyberbullying also includes sending indecent photographs and messages via cell phone.

Why do people resort to bullying?

Here are some common reasons:

• The person himself was once bullied.“I was so tired of the constant bullying of my peers by my peers that I myself began to bully others in order to somehow assert myself,” admits Antonio. “Then I suddenly thought about what I was doing and was horrified!”
• Bad influence.“Often, young bullies simply copy the behavior of their parents, older siblings and other family members,” writes Jay McGraw in his book How to Deal with Bullies.
• They think they are the coolest, but in reality they are not confident in themselves.“By bullying others, some children try to prove their superiority, when in reality it is a mask that hides deep wounds and feelings of inferiority,” says Barbara Coloroso in the book “The Bully, the Victim and the Bystander.”

Who is the most likely victim of bullying?

• Singles. Teenagers who have communication difficulties. often stand apart and become easy targets for bullying.
• Those who are not like others. The reason may be appearance, nationality, religious beliefs and even physical injury - just give the bully a reason.
• Unsure of themselves. Offenders immediately sense those who have a low opinion of themselves. Often people with low self-esteem are easy targets because they won't fight back.

What to do if you are being bullied?

• Don't react."Abusers want to know they've achieved their goal," Kylie says. "If you don't respond, they lose interest." The Bible says: "A wise man is patient and controls himself" (Proverbs 29:11, Modern Version)
• Don't take revenge. Revenge will not solve the problem, but will only make it worse. The Bible advises: "Do not repay anyone evil for evil" (Romans 12:17; Proverbs 24:19).
• Be discerning. Stay away from dangerous people and situations as much as possible (Proverbs 22:3).
• Try to give an unexpected answer. The Bible says: "A gentle answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1).
• Answer with humor. If someone calls you fat, you can simply smile and say something like “There must be many good people!”
• Just go away.“The ability to restrain yourself shows that you are a mature person and much stronger than the one who bullies you,” says 19-year-old Nora. “It’s immediately obvious that you have self-control - something that your offender lacks.”
• Develop self-confidence.“These people feel when you’re on edge,” says Rita, “and they won’t miss the opportunity to finish you off.
• Tell others about it. According to one study, more than half of victims of cyberbullying did not tell anyone about it, possibly due to feelings of shame (especially boys) or fear of retaliation. But remember: your silence only plays into the hands of the bullies. By telling others about the problem, you can take the first step towards putting an end to these nightmares.

Hello. If you have problems communicating with classmates, then you have opened the right article. Peers can be angry, cruel and envious. Today I will tell you what to do, what you definitely shouldn’t do and who is better to turn to for help with the problem “I’m being bullied at school.”

Angry classmates

I’ll tell you honestly, I had problems at one school, which I later left. I wasn’t popular, I wasn’t invited to birthday parties, I wasn’t invited to parties. I was on my own, a loner. But I solved this problem and I never had similar stories again.

Why do children bully each other at school? Of course, most often the objects of ridicule are those who look different from everyone else. Because of being overweight, because of glasses, because of colored locks of hair, and so on. They joke about clothes, briefcases, whatever. It also happens that bigger guys beat weaker guys because of their appearance.

Children are particularly cruel towards their peers. I don't know why you are having problems. Write about them in the comments and together we will figure out what to do in your case.

Don't think about revenge

The first thing I want to warn you against is revenge. Even if you think you can't stand it anymore, you shouldn't resort to retaliating. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t fight back, but you definitely shouldn’t take revenge and make some small jokes.

It is important to understand what you can do and what you cannot do. Agree, taking revenge and dousing your offenders with kefir is not the best idea. You may get a hard time for this from your teachers, then from your parents. But the guys will still continue to mock.
You need to fight back competently and beautifully.

If you are a kid and you get beaten, then sign up for karate courses. You’ll learn and be able to hit your offenders so hard that they won’t even come close to you again. At the same time, you will make friends with the guys from the section and enlist their support. As a rule, athletes stand up for each other and will help fight back the villains. They can also teach you how to do it.

If you are a girl and you are bullied because of your glasses, then ask your parents to buy you lenses. You may look beautiful, but your offenders will not grow wiser. And it would be good for you to go to a hobby group, there you will meet like-minded friends who can support you.

If you don’t have the courage, you don’t know where to start, how to start changing correctly, then the article “” is especially for you! Read it and you can change, become more confident and courageous.

Where to find support

It is very important to have loved ones and family who will support you and give you strength.

You can find help from your favorite teacher. It’s not necessary to tell all the details if you’re afraid that the guys will consider you a vibrator. Just speak out, say what’s bothering you, ask what to do. Adults really can help you.

Also, don't forget that you have a mom and dad. Parental support is very important and we need it throughout our lives. Yes, they may not understand many things, but they will always try to help you. Don't forget this. Parents, based on their childhood experience, can help you find several options on how to stop peer attacks.

Whether you tell adults about your problem or not is up to you. If you decide not to initiate anyone, a diary may come in handy. At one time he helped me a lot, and now he is always with me. I just wrote down all my thoughts there, everything that happened to me.

Do you have friends in class? If not, but you really want to make a girlfriend, then it will be useful for you to read the article “”. There I describe in detail how and where you can meet a person who will understand you and you will find common topics of interest to both of you.

If you have a friend, but you are not sure about him, then the article “” is especially for you.

Get busy with your life

And in the end, I would like to give you the most important advice - take care of yourself. Do what interests you, develop, learn new things, be open. Don't pay attention to the hurtful and caustic words of other guys. They say this out of envy, because of their problems.

At school, my friend had a terrible bully boy. He constantly offended and mocked everyone. Nobody could handle him. A friend said: I’m a girl, what can I do against him? In the end, it turned out that his parents drank a lot and beat him at home. That's why he acted like that at school.

Understand that you are not always the reason for the banter. Often the offender himself is going through difficult times and does not know how to take out his inner anger in another way.

One teenager asked me: I’m a boy, I should be able to stand up for myself, but I absolutely don’t know what to do. If you are a boy, then be more confident in yourself, learn to fight back in a fight and don’t let them make you a punching bag.

If you are planning to talk to your mom or dad about your difficult situation, you can give them the article “” to read. Don't be afraid, I'm not giving any terrible advice there, you can see for yourself.

Look very interesting books by Vladislav Krapivin, they will help you decide how to act in difficult situations in which you do not know how to behave.

Tell me why the guys pester you? What is the joke about and how do you try to combat it? Does anyone at home know about the situation at school? How do teachers react to stories like this?

You will be fine!

Psychologist Elena Smirnova will talk about what to do if a child is being bullied at school. How to behave correctly as parents so that bullying stops.

It comes in several types:

• Verbal. They come up with offensive nicknames for the victim, humiliating and insulting her. Offensive words are the main weapon here. At
• Verbal bullying may be accompanied by a parallel short-term boycott by enemies or a complete refusal to communicate with the outcast.
• Physical violence. Beating the victim, daily blows as if “by chance,” damaging or taking away personal belongings from the outcast.
• Cyberbullying. This method has been quite common lately. Online bullying manifests itself through anonymous threats,
  by hacking pages and publishing screenshots and videos of the victim of bullying.

But most often these types of violence occur together.

How to recognize a potential aggressor?

If you carefully monitor a company or class, the aggressor can be easily identified with the naked eye. He laughs more often at the group or at individuals. Perhaps he is simply one of the first to pick up laughter if the instigators of the bullying are different people. It is these active children who are prone to violence.

The desire to mock is influenced by social, economic and even climatic circumstances. But more often than not, a child is able to take out his problems on others if he is treated the same way at home, has difficulties in his family, or lives in unfavorable conditions. This leads to another reason - lack of attention in the family. The child thus tries to attract attention to himself and poisons others with his aggression.

Often the role of aggressors is played by leaders who realize themselves not through truly positive qualities, but through bullying their peers. And it is very sad that other children pick up on his actions. Such leaders are unable to achieve success in studies or sports; they are only capable of bullying weaker children. They will never pester the strong or elders, because they will quickly lose their leadership quality, even such a dubious one.

Aggressors can be not only boys, but also girls. Male aggression is most often manifested by fights, and female aggression by gossip and bullying.

How to deal with aggression?

This behavior must be stopped at the first manifestation. If bullying occurs within school walls, the teacher must stand up for being bullied by her peers. It is necessary to work separately with the aggressor and the ringleader.

Parents of both parties should be made aware of the problem immediately, because they are most often the last to know about bullying of their child or by their child. And only when the situation is too advanced.

Why are parents the last to know about this? Everything is simple here. Aggressors at home behave differently, and victims may simply remain silent about such situations in front of their relatives.

How can you tell if your child is being bullied?

If you suspect that your child is being bullied at school, talk to him about it, but carefully. Conduct the conversation in a calm tone, I saw you as a protector. Ask him about his relationships with classmates, teachers and other children. If there is trust in the family, then the child will not hide information about bullying, because he will see support in the face of his parents.

Victims of aggression complain of poor sleep and appetite, and problems may develop that affect not only the psyche. The child’s mood may change dramatically, anxiety, stuttering and nervous tics may appear.

If every morning a child refuses to go to school and cries when questioned, this is a direct sign of bullying. Notice the shuffling of your feet. It indicates that the child is experiencing stress. In case of physical violence, bruises, abrasions, and cuts can be found on the body.

What a child should do if he or his friends are bullied at school

First of all, tell his parents, not paying attention to the fact that his peers intimidated him that if he tells, it will be worse. With the active and adequate involvement of the parents of both parties, the culprit will be punished, and the bullying will end almost before it even begins. Otherwise, parents will help with the transition to another educational institution, which will help solve the problem.

If the bullying is verbal, the main thing is not to give in to provocations. Don't respond to rudeness with rudeness. Ignoring will help you leave the offenders with nothing.

If a friend is being bullied, don’t leave him. It’s easy to go over to the enemy side, but there’s nothing heroic about it. When a victim feels supported, it is much easier for her to survive bullying than when she is alone. Always protect each other.

You don't have to endure bullying. If your child has such problems at school, and the teachers do not respond, the only way out is to transfer the child to another school. Increase the student's self-esteem, do not criticize. In advanced cases, it would be best to show it to a psychologist.

1. Monitor behavior. If you are a teacher, vigilance is important to combat bullying. Monitor your students' behavior not only in the classroom, but also in the hallway and on the street. This way you will immediately notice aggressive behavior.

   • Keep an eye on students relaxing during recess. Listen to how they communicate with each other. Listen for insults and derogatory remarks in speech. You also need to monitor their physical interactions - pinching, slapping, pushing and other signs of aggression.
   • Watch for places where students feel like no one is watching. Bullying of some students by others most often occurs in toilets, on stairs and in corridors. You won't be able to keep your eyes peeled for them, but always go to these places in your spare time. Also ask other teachers about this and share information with each other about problems you notice.

2. Avoid shortcuts. Students are sensitive to labels like “bully.” If there is a conversation with parents, many will become defensive if you accuse their child of aggressive behavior. When you notice this behavior, talk specifically about the specific actions of such a student. Don't call it bullying to prevent unnecessary resistance that will prevent you from finding an effective solution to the problem.

   • Talk about the specific behavior you noticed and why you think it's a problem. For example, you don’t need to say “Andrey, I noticed that you bullied Maxim in the gym.” Instead, address the problematic behavior directly: “Andrey, I noticed that you commented on Maxim’s weight when you were working out at the gym.”
   • It is important that a student who behaves inappropriately understands the wrongfulness of his behavior and the possible consequences. For example, tell him: “Weight is a very sensitive topic, and paying attention to another person’s weight is very ugly and offensive.” If your school has specific penalties for misbehavior, make them known. Say the following: “According to the student conduct memo, you will be required to speak with the school psychologist and make a written apology to Maxim.”
   • It is also necessary to understand that bullies can be raised in different conditions. Perhaps this behavior is caused by problems in the family. Be tolerant. Think of it as an opportunity to improve. For example: “I know you didn’t mean to offend anyone. I believe that our conversation will allow you to draw conclusions and avoid such mistakes in the future.”

3. Praise good behavior. It's always easier to point out flaws. Students need encouragement for good behavior. In addition to talking after incidents, remember to praise students for good behavior. Celebrate kindness and compassion and use these behaviors as examples.

   • Children and teens can become angry if you always punish them for bad behavior but never praise them for good behavior. You may think there is no point in praising children who do the right thing, but understand that bullies often test boundaries. They may not understand what correct behavior is. This also needs to be taught.
   • Always recognize students who behave well. For example, you can say the following: “Andrey, I saw how you helped Alina solve a math problem. It's just wonderful that you help others. You did very well, because Alina sometimes feels awkward when something doesn’t work out for her.”
   • By recognizing good behavior, you model how students should behave. Praising them for good deeds increases the likelihood that students will behave without aggression and behave well.

4. Talk to your parents. If the aggression does not stop, then it is time to involve the parents in this. This is not easy, because parents often do not want to admit that their child is behaving inappropriately. But it is impossible to solve the situation without the participation of parents.

   • Avoid using words like “bully” and “bully” when talking to your parents. They carry a whole range of negative connotations. Even if this word accurately describes your student, it hinders effective problem solving. Focus on specific aspects of behavior.
   • Take a multifaceted approach when talking to parents. Talk about your child's attitude towards school and friends, behavior and academic performance. All these factors influence relationships between students. Ask parents questions about the child and offer your own solutions.
   • When talking to parents, try to appear as an ally, not as a judge. Keep the conversation positive. Emphasize that you want to help your child cope with emotions in a positive way. You can start the conversation like this: “I worry about all my students, including your son. I would like him to change for the better and become an example for other students.”

5. Encourage open communication. Finally, encourage open communication in and outside of the classroom. Students and parents should see you as a trustworthy person they can turn to for advice or help. This will give you more control over the classroom situation.

   • Don't delay your decision. Talk to parents immediately if a problem arises. If a student is upset or irritated, find out what is wrong. Treat him with empathy. Repeat what you hear to show your understanding.
   • Invite parents to dialogue. At the beginning of the school year, provide all parents with your phone number and email address. Tell them that they can contact you with any questions. This way, parents will be able to quickly contact you if someone is bullying their child. Even the most vigilant person sometimes misses details.