Books about oriental women and love. Behind the Screen: The True Life of Arab Women

I will give here a typical article from the forum. I will say that I am a convinced Slav. BUT now I'm talking about something else!

I share the thoughts of this article because I saw it myself when I was in eastern countries. Chatting with locals and expats there. Moreover, she dedicated one of her books to the study of this particular culture. So, let's take the best from life and other cultures!

Arab husbands are despots?!

"The Arabs beat their wives and do not allow them to leave the house"; “Arabs do not allow their wives to receive an education”; “Arabs take several wives”; "Arabs are dirty and smelly"; "all Arabs are terrorists"; "Arabs don't like their children"; "Arabs are crazy Islamic fanatics"; “all women in Arab countries are powerless, unfortunate creatures,” etc. and so on.
The list goes on and on.

Supporters of “protection of women's rights” are especially vehement in attacking the Gulf countries. In fact, in my opinion, the reason for such baseless arguments was largely due to the fact that women wear abaya and niqab (face covering). And no one can even imagine that a woman can wear this herself, at her own request, and even with great pleasure - what are you talking about! How is this possible? Give miniskirts and tops to oppressed Arab women!

Meanwhile, ask any resident of the Persian Gulf: if she were given a choice - to wear ordinary European clothes or an abaya? 99% will answer in favor of the second. At the same time, there will be no angry father/brother/husband nearby monitoring her answer.

I'll try to sort everything out. To debunk the myths, so to speak (PS. Saudi Arabia is a separate case and does not characterize ALL Arabs and ALL Gulf countries. Moreover, I am talking about men, and not about all kinds of hybrids a la Bedouin to the core with some distorted admixture of Islamic moral teachings - mutavva that is).

1. “The Arabs beat their wives and don’t let them leave the house” - oh yes, they really do. With sticks and to death. Well, okay, with fists, whatever! And to leave the house, you need a special permit certified by the Ministry of Internal Affairs. Yes. And everyone believed. Then they took out handkerchiefs, shed tears, felt sorry for the humiliated Arab women and went to argue and prove, foaming at the mouth, how cruel Islam is and how wild these Arab animals are!

But they will believe it! They will believe this much more readily than what actually exists. But the reality is this (I will give all the examples against the backdrop of the average Emirati family): if a husband tries to even once raise his hand against his wife, giving her a light slap in the face or, worse, beating her, then the outcome of such a willful act will be fraught with consequences for him. Firstly, the wife the very next day (if not the same!) will run to all her numerous male relatives screaming: “He beat me!!!” (even if it is - I repeat - a slight slap in the face). Secondly, his relatives will come back and openly insult him with the whole friendly crowd. And then, if the careless hubby does not correct himself - divorce and maiden name.

Another option is also possible. Instead of running around visiting relatives, the wife will show up at the nearest courthouse and stupidly ask for a divorce. And if there are bruises and abrasions on the body as evidence that he really beat her, then the divorce will be granted almost immediately and immediately.

Now answer me: how many times in our country do husbands beat their wives, but the wives still endure it, forgive everything and are afraid to go and complain to the court?

Oh yes. I almost forgot. The wife can leave the house whenever she wants, just like in the rest of the world (let’s not take backward, remote villages - in all countries there is a lot of such goods). At about 6-7 pm in Dubai you can see the following picture: a huge Infiniti (Range Rover, BMW X6 - whatever you like) drives up to the shopping mall, and local ladies come out with a sense of self-esteem and proud posture, sparkling with all sorts of colors of diamonds and adjusting their satin abayas as they went. Please note, only ladies, often unaccompanied by men.

2. “Arabs do not allow their wives to get an education” is complete nonsense. In Saudi Arabia, the percentage of uneducated (without higher education) women is now about 10% of the total young population. I’m generally silent about the Emirates - Emirati women study in both the USA and England - in general, in the best universities in the world, or in the UAE itself - fortunately, there are more than enough universities here, and they provide a decent education. By the way, no matter how much I talked to Arabs, no one wants to marry a girl without a military license. Among my Emirati friends aged 18-20, there is not a single one who did not study at the university.

3. “Arabs take several wives” - let the truth be and let the lie perish! :) so, let's take some dry statistics: in the Persian Gulf only 5% of men are married to two or more women. And about 30 million Arabs live in the Gulf, of which 15 million are men. In general, the percentage is negligible; even among sheikhs, few are married to two or more. And the current young generation, in general, has been saying since their youth that they want to marry only one. And preferably, out of love.

I remembered an incident that happened a couple of years ago in Abu Dhabi. One man married a second - well, everything was as it should be: he settled his wives at different ends of the city, each in a separate villa, each with a luxury car, and so on and so forth. But no! Everything is wrong for these Emirati women. One day, the first wife, crossing the road, saw her husband and his second passion. In a fit of rage, she attacked both of them right in the middle of the road, screaming, scratching and behaving extremely indecently :) naturally, the police didn’t let it go so easily - they took everyone to the police station. During the interrogation, the first wife was asked about the motives for her strange behavior, to which she replied: “He is unfair to me, he spends 4 days a week with her, and 3 with me.” The husband was taken aback and mumbled: “But there are 7 days in a week...” However, this did not pity the judge. After legal proceedings, the woman was found to be right and was given a divorce + a villa + a car and something from her ex-husband’s fortune.

Now tell me again: what percentage of our men have mistresses? It happens, and more than one at a time... In any case, more than the notorious 5%. Would our judges really begin to give half of a husband’s property to his wife just because he spends more time, effort and money on his mistress than on his wife (and this happens all the time)?

4. "Arabs are dirty and smelly." No comments. I have never seen such cleanliness as in the UAE. As I wrote in a previous post, even the smallest stain is a reason to change clothes. In addition, the same gandura is not worn for two days in a row (the husband puts on a new one every day - freshly washed and ironed, and throws all the “old” ones in the laundry - “old” means “worn once”). Add also the fact that Muslims wash 5 times a day, and take a shower after each sexual contact with their wife - that is, every day. I'm not talking about their perfume... :)

5. "All Arabs are terrorists." And again, no comments. In my entire life in the UAE, I have never met a single Arab who supports terror. In general, they somehow don’t give a damn about all this, they sit lazily sipping coffee at Starbucks...:)
I only know that in Saudi Arabia there are such organizations at some universities, but again, this is such a minority and such a shame that it is not even customary to talk about these people.
The statement “all Arabs are terrorists” is at least an indicator of the speaker’s ignorance and lack of education.

6. “All women in Arab countries are powerless, unfortunate creatures” - yeah, and also “Arabs only rejoice at the birth of boys.”
Oh, you should have seen how Arabs walk with their children in parks and shopping centers! How they cuddle and kiss their daughters, carry them in their arms and ride with them on children's rides!

I constantly observe the following picture: at the entrance to a store in a shopping center there is a man in a gandura, a child on his neck, a child in a stroller, a child on his side... While his wife, at the speed of light, sweeps away all possible and impossible clothes, bags, shoes, accessories, jewelry. It was here that I saw a clear example of genuine nepotism. For them, family is everything. They are not ashamed to go shopping or to a restaurant with their wife and children, they will not whine that “shopping is purely a woman’s business, why did I give in to you there?!” Families, couples, with and without children walk everywhere, holding hands, arm in arm - in general, they express their pleasure in every possible way that the whole family is together.

Wives are not oppressed by absolutely anything! On the contrary, during our traditional Friday women’s gatherings, my Emirati friends never cease to be amazed by our Russian women - both at home cooking, washing, cleaning (while all Emirati women have housekeepers, and more than one), and taking care of the children constantly watch (and Emirati women don’t have any problems even with children - they have nannies), and the husband will come home dissatisfied, tired, and still force him to work (not a single Arab would think of telling his wife: “Eh, what do you mean to me?” sat on your neck? So go and earn money yourself!"). I’m not at all encouraging everyone to have housekeepers and nannies - rather, this only serves as a response to the hackneyed stereotype about the Muslim wife;)
In general, they feel sorry for advanced and free European women.

• < О восточных длинных нарядах
• Features of marriage relationships >

Unhappy marriages in the West. – Locked from men. – Polygamy and marriage with one wife. - Respect for wives. - Reckoning with husbands. – Women's rights in the home. – Their cheerful character. - The inaccessibility of the harem. - It's easy to get divorced. – Examples that refute the opinion about the “humiliation” of Eastern women.

I turn to the story of the position of women in the East. Since I was born and raised there, I will be considered an interested party, and I will probably not be able to destroy the erroneous ideas about the relationship between an Arab wife and her husband that prevail throughout Europe, especially among the Germans.

Having arrived in Europe, I myself was mistaken when I judged its morals by external signs. The smiling faces that I saw every time I appeared in society convinced me that family relationships in Europe brought more happiness than in my homeland. But later, when my children grew up and began to need less of my care and attention, I came into closer contact with the European world and learned that I was mistaken in believing that people and life here are as they seem. I have seen many marital unions, which are not for nothing called “marriage bonds” and clearly have the goal of forcing the husband and wife chained to each other to endure hellish torture on earth. And I have seen enough unhappy marriages not to believe that Christian marriage standards are much higher than Muslim ones or provide much more happiness... Neither religion nor adherence to traditional views on life can guarantee family happiness. It all depends on whether the husband and wife understand each other well. Only this can create the peace and harmony that makes married life truly wonderful. I am only familiar in detail with the situation that exists in Zanzibar, although in Oman it is almost the same. However, it is in Arabia and among the Arabs that the Muslim faith is maintained in its purest form, and therefore I can claim that I am speaking about the entire Muslim East - except for those parts where this basis has acquired innovations as a result of close communication with the Christian West.

Let me start with this: it is wrong to believe that an Eastern woman enjoys less respect in society than her husband. A man's main wife - of course, we are not talking about purchased junior wives - is equal to her husband in all respects, retains the position in society that belongs to her by birth, and the rights and privileges associated with it. It seems that the Arab woman is helpless and that her freedom is somewhat limited, but this only appears so because she lives in solitude. This is how women live in all Muslim countries of the East and in some eastern non-Muslim countries; and the more noble the woman, the more strictly this rule is observed. Her face should not be seen by any man except her father, husband, sons, nephews and her own slaves. If she must go where a stranger is present, or speak with a stranger, faith commands her to have a veil over her face and a covered head. Part of the face, chin, neck and ankles should be hidden from view. By following this rule, she can walk wherever she wants and go outside. Poor women, who have few or no servants, are forced to leave the house frequently and thus have more freedom. If you ask such a woman her opinion, she will answer that our laws were not made for the poor. And I must admit: it is known that ladies of high position in society envy poor women because of this advantage - which fate has given to Omani women, since in their poor country they cannot support many servants.

However, a rich woman can go out during the day. If a relative falls ill or dies, she can go to his house, or she can go to the judge to defend her interests, since we do not have lawyers. But tradition requires that she exercise this right only in cases of extreme necessity, and women's inclinations coincide with tradition: because of vanity, women do not like to wrap themselves in blankets and look like walking dolls. Although I admit that the Eastern view of how to dress is strange, I believe that European ideas about clothing are no better. The attire that the ladies here wear to balls seems to me an even greater exaggeration, but in the opposite direction.

A woman who has no male relatives is truly pitiful. Completely fenced off from the stronger sex by religion and custom and therefore deprived of advice and protection, she can find herself in a very difficult position. She is often robbed by her manager or deceived in some other way. Several women I know even got married in order to get rid of these constant deceptions. So the forced solitude of women at times becomes very painful. Nevertheless, Eastern women do not need the shower of sympathy that Europeans generously shower on them, since they weakly feel this limitation: habit makes any life bearable.

They are pitied even more because of polygamy - because the wife is forced to share her husband's love with another woman or other women. A Muslim is allowed to have four legal wives, and if one of them dies, he can marry a fifth. He can buy as many younger wives as he wants. But I have never seen a man who had four legal wives at the same time. A poor man can afford only one wife, but a rich man does not have more than two, and they live separately from one another, each in their own house. Some women protect their independence by asking the groom to sign an agreement that he undertakes not to take as his legal wife or buy any other woman as a junior.

Thus, monogamy prevails in practice. But if a man is fully aware of his legal rights, things can easily get very bad. It is quite natural that hatred and malice arise in the family and the hot southern blood begins to boil with furious jealousy - the frequent manifestations of which should seem to prove how hot the love of an eastern woman is than the love of a calmer northern woman. However, this passion - jealousy - often makes life in polygamy unbearable, and this is good. Many wealthy men, not wanting daily scandals and quarrels, prefer to have one wife. Every person capable of thinking rationally, and especially every woman, should clearly see that polygamy deserves neither protection nor justification.

But what can be said about marriage among civilized European Christians? I will not talk about polygamy, which exists among the Christian sect of Mormons in a Christian country. Let's return to respectable European society. Is the marriage bond really so sacred in it? Isn’t it often absurd to talk about “one” wife? Indeed, a Christian is allowed to have only one spouse, and this is a great blessing. The Christian faith commands one to do what is good and right, the Muslim faith allows evil. However, the prevailing customs and features of real life in the East greatly mitigate the evil consequences of the law, while here sin very often prevails, despite the law. It seems that perhaps the only difference between an Eastern and Western woman is that the former knows the number and, perhaps, the inclinations and character of her rivals, while the latter remains in pleasant ignorance.

Of course, only rich men can buy younger wives for themselves. At first these wives are slaves, but motherhood gives them freedom. In rare cases, a cruel master sells such a wife after the death of a child, because he is tired of her or for the sake of money. After a man's death, all his younger wives become free. If later one of them marries the brother or other relative of her ex-husband, she does so as the legal, that is, main, wife.

It is a myth that Arabs treat their female companions with disdain. Our creed alone would prevent this: it in some respects places woman inferior to man, but at the same time instructs him to protect woman because of her weakness. A pious, God-fearing Muslim is just as kind to his wife as a well-bred, cultured European, and perhaps even more self-controlled, because he never forgets that God is present everywhere, and until his last breath he maintains faith in God's retribution. Of course, you can find scoundrels everywhere who do not treat their wives with due courtesy and respect, but I can say with a clear conscience that here I have heard more often about respectable husbands who beat their wives than in my homeland. A good Arab would consider himself a disgrace if he went so far beyond the bounds of decency. This is not how blacks behave on plantations. I often had to reconcile a husband and wife who beat each other heartily.

The wife is also not obliged to meekly endure all the whims of her husband. If one of his quirks offends her, she may seek support from her relatives or, if she is alone in the world, has the right to seek justice from the qadi. One of my close friends, at the age of sixteen, agreed to become the wife of her relative, who was much older than her and completely unworthy of her. This completely frivolous man imagined that his wife would endure everything, so he was very surprised when one evening, returning home, he discovered that instead of his wife, a letter was waiting for him at home, written in very stern terms. I was in the habit of visiting this friend on her estate without informing her in advance, because I knew that her dear husband preferred the pleasures of city life. But one day she came to me to tell me that I should no longer come to her without informing her, because now her husband was at home all the time. He came to her, repented and begged her forgiveness. Once he learned how decisively she could act, he tried not to insult her again. I could give other examples of independent behavior of women.

When spouses meet, they kiss each other's hand. They eat together, together with the children. A woman does many small things for her husband as a sign of love. When he leaves the house, she hands him a weapon and takes this weapon from her husband when he returns; gives him water to drink and so on - in general, provides those small signs of attention that make life together pleasant and happy, and does this without the slightest coercion. In matters of managing the house, she is the supreme mistress. There is no custom to regularly issue a certain amount specifically for housekeeping; husband and wife draw from the same purse, although if a man has two main wives living separately, he divides his income between them. The extent to which a woman enjoys her domestic advantages depends on her will and on the will of her husband. Once, when I was giving a large party on one of my plantations, and it seemed that some of the guests would inevitably refuse to come because they would have difficulty in getting mounts in time, a lady offered to lend me for a time as many donkeys and drivers as I needed. When I proposed to obtain her husband's consent to this generous proposal, she replied rather sharply that she was not accustomed to asking his permission in such unimportant matters. Another friend of mine in Zanzibar had even greater control over her husband’s household and economic affairs - she managed his estates and his town house. The husband did not even know the exact amount of his income and was not against receiving from her hands all the money that he needed; Thanks to her intelligence and foresight, he lived very prosperously.

Raising children is completely in the hands of the mother, no matter who she is - a legal wife or an acquired slave, and this is great happiness for her. An English lady from society is expected to go into the children's room once a day, a French woman sends her offspring to the village, and there strangers take care of the children. The Arab woman constantly surrounds them with the most tender care and almost never lets them out of her sight as long as they need maternal care. For this she is rewarded with strong love and deep respect. Relationships with children serve as compensation for her for the disadvantages of polygamy and make her family life happy and joyful. Anyone who has seen how carefree and cheerful Eastern women are should know how little truth there is in the stories about their oppressed state and humiliation.

But a deep understanding of the true state of affairs cannot be acquired in a few minutes of visit. The Arab, with all his politeness, does not like strangers, especially if they are from another nation or profess a different faith, to peer into his personal life. When a European woman came to visit us, we would open our eyes in amazement at her incredibly wide figure, because in those days ladies wore crinolines that would block the stairs.

We talked little, mostly about the secrets of clothing. The lady was shown the usual hospitality, the eunuch sprinkled her with rose water, she was given parting gifts, and she left no wiser than she was. She visited the harem, saw the “unfortunate” women here (under the veils), was surprised at our clothes, our jewelry, how deftly we sat on the floor - and that’s all. She could never boast that she learned more than other Europeans who visited us. She was escorted from the door and then back to the door by eunuchs, and she was never left unattended for a moment. A Western woman is rarely shown any rooms other than the one in which she is received; sometimes she manages to see the muffled ladies who entertain her. In short, she has no opportunity to study the Eastern family and the situation of our women.

Another feature of our married life: a girl, having become a wife, does not thereby change either her position in society or her name. The prince's wife, born into a simple family, could never even think of demanding the same titles as his. Despite her marriage, she remains "so-and-so's daughter" and is addressed as such. Conversely, an Arab prince or tribal chief often allows his daughter or sister to marry his own slave. He says to himself: my servant is her servant, therefore she remains the mistress as she was. However, after such a wedding, the husband ceases to be a slave in the literal sense of the word, although, of course, when speaking about his wife, he calls her “your highness” or “mistress.” A man, when mentioning his wife in a conversation - which he tries to avoid - never calls her “my wife”, but refers to her with the words “daughter of so-and-so” or may say “mother of my family”, regardless of whether she has children or not.

Spouses who did not know each other before marriage sometimes find it difficult or even impossible for them to live in harmony, and therefore the ease of Mohammedan divorce is undoubtedly a blessing. It is, of course, better that a husband and wife, who differ fundamentally in opinion and character, should part amicably, than that they remain chained to each other all their lives and both suffer from this torment, which could end in violence or crime. In the event of a divorce, a woman receives back her property, over which she had unlimited power during the marriage. If the husband demands a divorce, the wedding gifts remain with her, but if the divorce occurs at her insistence, he returns them.

From everything that I have written, it should be clear that the Eastern woman is not such an offended and oppressed creature, not such a zero, as they say about her. My stepmother Azza bint-Sef is a prime example of this. She had complete power over Seid Said, the management of the court and the state went according to her whims. If any of us wanted to receive anything from the Sultan, she had to approve the request, and she retained her power until his death.

Another example I remember is the daughter of an Omani military officer who came to live in Zanzibar with her husband. She was cunning and witty, but ugly to the point of ugliness. Nevertheless, her husband adored her, fulfilling her whims and quirks with angelic patience. Wherever his wife went, he had to accompany her, willy-nilly, so that he could not confidently consider a single minute of his time to be his own. He was simply his wife's slave.

To refute the false idea of ​​the "inferior" position of Eastern women compared to men, I must mention one more person. My great-aunt, my grandfather’s sister, is still considered to this day a model of insight, courage and efficiency.

After the death of my grandfather, the ruler of Oman, who bore the title Imam of Muscat, there were three of his children left - my father Said, my uncle Selim and my aunt Aisha. Since my father was only nine years old, a regent had to be appointed, and then my great-aunt did something that had never happened before - she declared that she would rule herself until her nephew came of age, and silenced all who objected. The ministers, who were already looking forward to the pleasure of governing the country according to their own plans, were greatly disappointed, but were forced to submit. Every day they were obliged to report to the regent to report and receive orders. She watched everyone at the same time and seemed to know about everything - to the chagrin of those who were lazy and careless in their work. She threw off the bonds of etiquette whenever she wanted. Consulting with the ministers, she put on her chalet as if she were about to go out into the street, was completely indifferent to the fact that people condemned it, and tried to carry out her task with prudence and energy.

Soon after she began to rule, war broke out - unfortunately, this happens often in the East. One clan, related to ours, wanted to overthrow the government and seize power itself. They thought that under female rule this would be an easy matter. Devastating the country with fire and sword, they reached Muscat and besieged it, first driving into this city many peasants who fled from them in search of help and protection. Muscat is well fortified, but how can even the thickest walls help if there is not enough food and ammunition?

It was then that my aunt showed all the strength of her spirit - and earned the admiration even of her enemies. At night, dressed in men's clothing, she rode out on horseback to inspect the forward posts, and sometimes only the agility of her horse saved her from captivity. One evening she left in a very gloomy mood, because she learned that the enemies intended to break into the fortress with the help of bribery and slaughter the entire garrison. Deciding to test the loyalty of her troops, she rode up to the sentry, asked him to call his commander, and offered him a tempting reward on behalf of her opponents. The wrath of this noble soldier restored her confidence - even though her own supporters almost killed her as a spy.

Things went from bad to worse for Muscat. Hunger began and everyone became despondent. There was nowhere to wait for help, and in the end the decision was made to make a last, desperate foray in order to die with honor. The remaining gunpowder was just enough for one battle, but there was no more lead. Then the regent ordered to collect all the nails and even all the stones of a suitable size in order to make ammunition for muskets from them. All other iron and copper objects were broken and cannonballs were cast from them. Even silver dollars from the treasury were sacrificed - they were poured into bullets. And all these extreme measures brought success: the enemy army, taken by surprise, fled in all four directions, leaving half of its people on the battlefield killed or wounded. Muscat was saved.

After this, my great-aunt continued to rule quietly, and when she handed over the kingdom to my father, it was in such excellent condition that he was able to look to other countries in search of new land suitable for conquest - and he saw Zanzibar. Therefore, the fact that we took possession of this second country was largely due to her.

And she was an oriental woman!

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• Half of the marriages in Arab countries are still arranged by parents. Most people think that no one asks a girl's opinion. In fact, if the bride-to-be doesn't like the groom, she may refuse his proposal.
• A wedding is impossible without a marriage contract. Unlike the rest of the world, this is a mandatory rule in Arab countries.

• Arab women rarely marry members of other religions, as this would force them to leave the country. Men have more privileges and are allowed to marry Christian and Jewish girls. However, in this case, the foreigner does not receive citizenship, and in the event of a divorce, the common children always remain with the father.

• In most Arab countries, the bride and groom must be at least 18 years old to be allowed to marry. For example, Tunisian citizens can start a family at 18, but the average age of brides is 25 and grooms 30. However, early marriage is still popular in some developing countries. For example, in Saudi Arabia and Yemen, most girls get married before the age of 18.

Wedding ceremonies

Wedding traditions may differ from country to country, but the Arab bride and groom celebrate their wedding separately from each other.

• The “groom’s wedding” can be celebrated on a day different from the “bride’s wedding”. As a rule, the celebration is very modest: guests are offered tea, coffee, dinner, and their communication lasts no more than 4 hours. The bride's wedding is celebrated on a much larger scale: in a large town hall with waiters and artists.

• "Women's wedding" is a reason to show off diamonds, designer shoes and evening dresses, because usually all this beauty is hidden under hijabs (or abayas). That is why only women can attend such a wedding. Men are strictly prohibited from entering. Only women serve at weddings, and we are talking not only about waitresses, but also about singers, photographers and DJs. If a famous singer is invited to a women's wedding, he will not be able to see either the bride or her guests, as he will perform behind a screen or in an adjacent room with a live broadcast to the main hall.
• They warn in advance about the husband’s visit to the wedding so that all guests have time to cover themselves with abayas. If the husband comes to the wedding with his brothers or father, then the bride should also wear a white abaya, since even the husband's relatives should not see her beauty.

• In Arab culture, gifts related to alcohol, including wine and champagne, are prohibited. Guests usually give various handmade items that can be used in the interior of the couple's future home. Also, a man cannot receive gold jewelry and silk as a gift.

Polygamy

• Most marriages in modern Arab countries are monogamous, since not every man can afford to have several wives. Religion allows men to marry four times, but they must provide each wife with a home and give them the same amount of gifts, jewelry and, of course, their attention. Having several wives is a privilege of sheikhs and very rich people.

• The most important thing remains the first marriage. Regardless of how many wives a man has, the first wife is considered the “eldest”.
• If a man finds a new wife, the others must accept her and submit to the will of their husband without showing their displeasure. Most often, wives do not live in the same house, and therefore are extremely rare.

Divorce

• According to ancient tradition, a man who wants to divorce his wife must repeat the phrase “I am divorcing you” three times. After this, the wife has to stay in his house for a certain period of time to make sure that she is not pregnant. During this wait, the husband can change his mind and get his wife back by simply saying, “I’m taking you back.” This “return” procedure can only be repeated three times. After the third divorce, he is forbidden to marry this woman again.

• A woman can also file for divorce if her husband is not providing for her well. Such cases are carefully considered in the courts, and the wives often receive a divorce. Arab men are used to expressing their love with gold and jewelry, not flowers. For example, a husband should go to restaurants with his wife and buy her expensive gifts and clothes. If he has several wives, then the amount of gifts and attention should be equal.
• In all other cases, it will be very difficult for a woman to get a divorce, since the courts are often biased and favor the husband.

Women's rights

Despite the stereotypes, Arab men have a lot of respect for women. It is believed that they should not need anything.

In fact, Arab women were among the first to gain the right to marry of their own free will, file for divorce, and own property. This happened in the 7th century, when women from other countries could only dream of such opportunities. According to Islamic law, marriage between a man and a woman was a contract that was valid only when both partners demonstrated their consent. In addition, during this time, women gained the right to own property and use the assets they brought into the family as dowries or earned.

Once a week, all beaches, water parks and beauty salons in the UAE are open only to women. A man would simply not be allowed to enter any of these places. However, a Muslim wife must obtain her husband's permission for everything. If she wants to go somewhere, she must first tell her husband about it and get his permission.

Cloth

A woman is required to wear loose clothing in public, under which she can wear anything: miniskirts, jeans and shorts. Many fashionable girls envy the outfits of Arab beauties. But when leaving home, women must completely cover their bodies with loose clothing and hide their faces. This is because her beauty is only for her husband and other men should not see her. The exceptions are “women’s” holidays and weddings, at which men are prohibited from attending. Here women can show off their designer clothes and jewelry. The custom of covering the face is not observed by everyone, but women are required to cover their heads in most Arab countries.

The woman of the East has always been an attractive mystery for our men. She attracted with her natural beauty, generously emphasized by natural cosmetics, a lush and well-groomed body, and... patience and humility. It is humility that distinguishes our business-minded and sometimes overly active contemporaries from moon-faced beauties. It is the ability to silently agree on everything with your husband that causes our other halves to quietly envy the padishahs and sheikhs. What is she like, a woman of the East?

In order to become a real Scheherazade, it turns out that it is important not only to have luxurious long hair, beautiful and delicate skin, but also to have other advantages that are not nearly as easily accessible as external beauty. Inner qualities, often hidden from prying eyes, are what we, women of the 21st century, lack.

YOU NEED TO PLEASE YOUR HUSBAND IN EVERYTHING

An Eastern woman willingly and joyfully fulfills all her husband’s wishes. And it should be noted that the husband’s whims are not limited only to access to his wife’s body 24 hours a day. My husband would like a foot massage - please, dear! Demands to talk at 3 o'clock in the morning about something uninteresting to every normal woman - yes, honey, that's all I dreamed about all night. What’s amazing is that Eastern women rejoice at such attention, and their husbands don’t demand too much.

If you ask a European woman to behave this way, she will most likely look at you with her eyes wide open in surprise. It’s not customary for us to dismiss a husband like that. Our women have spent too much time fighting for equality with men to end up as servants again. Such a fate, almost every young lady will say, is something you wouldn’t wish on a slave.

DO HOUSEHOLD WORK YOURSELF

An Eastern woman does all the housework herself; her husband should not participate in this in any way. The husband is the breadwinner and supporter of the whole family. Therefore, he gets very tired - whether he is a shepherd or a sheikh - and in no case is it appropriate to pester him with stupid requests, for example, to take out the trash or vacuum. There is a rational grain in this rule - in the East, women do not work, so devoting oneself to home and family is the most logical thing that can be done.

A modern European woman cannot afford to do housework exclusively. We work exactly the same amount of time a day as our other halves, and we earn the same (sometimes more). This order of things is no longer new. I personally know many families where the husband does the housework and the wife is the breadwinner. Neither he nor she feels any discomfort.

YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF CHILDREN YOURSELF

The most important purpose of an Eastern woman is to give birth to a son. It is for the sake of the birth of a male continuator of the family that marriages take place. The mother takes care of the baby until the age of three, after which the father decides how the boy will be raised in the future. The head of the family is not interested in girls, and they remain near their mother until they are married off. In any case, demanding that your husband feed the child, change his diaper, or simply rock him to sleep in a cradle is the height of arrogance and ignorance.

Alas, many of our men, following the traditions of the eastern padishahs, have no idea what their newborn offspring looks like. For them, the baby will become interesting when they can play football with him, or at least he can say something “human”. But, fortunately, there are also daddies who are not afraid to leave with their child for a couple of hours. They say that there are unique fathers who even stay with their children, letting the tired mother go to her friends or to the beauty salon.

A WOMAN SHOULD BE A PLEASURE TO THE EYES OF HUSBAND

An Eastern woman, going out into the street, carefully hides her beauty so as not to seduce other men. She belongs exclusively to her husband, so she fears the attention of others like fire. At home, the wife dresses in beautiful clothes, puts on jewelry, and greets her husband with a joyful smile.

Alas, we forget about this rule. No, of course, I’m not advocating going to work in a burqa! But let's think about it: do we always look as beautiful at home as we do at work? As one Eastern woman said: “Why should I seduce other people’s men if I have a husband at home?” Perhaps we get tired of heels all day long, we are tired of office suits and dresses, and our face requires removing a layer of makeup and giving it some air. But this is still no reason to walk around the house in curlers, a robe, or, even worse, in an old tracksuit!

YOU CANNOT LIMIT YOUR HUSBAND IN YOUR FAVORITE ACTIVITIES

Every self-respecting Eastern man leaves a little time for his favorite pastime. His wife should admire her beloved, praise his ability to ride a horse, play football, or shoot monsters on the computer. Insinuating that spending four hours straight on a hobby rather than on your beloved wife is too much. Such comments will most likely lead to divorce. And divorce in the East is a delicate matter. It is enough for the husband to shout “You are no longer my wife” three times in the square and the beauty can go in all four directions, and in what she is wearing.

I don’t know how other wives cope, but personally, I am unable to endure the eternal nirvana of the Internet into which my husband periodically plunges. Although I myself have more than one hobby in addition to my favorite job. No matter how I try to look without irritation at how the only one switches off for several hours, forgetting about sleep, food and other needs, nothing meaningful comes of it. I repent, scream and swear.

What is the result? To each his own, I guess. If your chosen one has an initiative, authoritative character, then becoming an oriental meek beauty will not be difficult. But, if your loved one is soft, driven and requires constant guidance, then most likely Scheherazade will not suit him.

The way of life of Arab women has always aroused great interest among Europeans, as, indeed, everything unusual and outlandish. Westerners' ideas about it often consist of prejudices and conjectures. Some people see an Arab woman as a fairy-tale princess, basking in luxury, while others see her as a weak-willed slave, locked at home and forcibly dressed in a burqa. However, both romantic ideas have little to do with reality.

Woman in Islam

Islam largely determines a woman’s way of life. Before God she is equal to a man. A woman, like the stronger sex, is obliged to observe Ramadan, perform daily prayers, and make donations. However, her social role is special.

The purpose of a woman in Arab countries is marriage, motherhood and raising children. She is entrusted with the mission of guardian of the peace and religiosity of the home. A woman in Islam is a righteous wife, respectful and respectful towards her husband, who is ordered to take full responsibility for her and provide for her financially. A woman should obey him, be submissive and modest. Her mother has been preparing her for the role of housewife and wife since childhood.

The life of an Arab woman, however, is not limited to just the home and household chores. She has the right to study and work if this does not interfere with family happiness.

How does an Arab woman dress?

Women in Arab countries are modest and chaste. When leaving the house, she can leave only her face and hands exposed. In this case, the robe should not be transparent, tightly fit the chest, hips and waist, or smell of perfume.

Arabic clothing for women has a specific appearance. There are several basic wardrobe items designed to protect a girl from prying eyes:

• burqa - a robe with long false sleeves and a mesh covering the eyes (chachvan);
• veil - a light veil that completely hides the figure of a woman with a head part made of muslin fabric;
• abaya - long dress with sleeves;
• hijab - a headdress that leaves the face uncovered;
• niqab is a headdress with a narrow slit for the eyes.

It is worth noting that hijab also refers to any clothing that covers the body from head to toe, traditionally worn by Arab women on the street. A photo of this robe is presented below.

Dress code in Arab countries

Her appearance depends on the country in which a woman lives and the morals prevailing there. The strictest dress code is in the United Arab Emirates and Saudi Arabia. In these countries, girls and women move along the streets in black abayas. This wardrobe item is usually decorated with beads, embroidery or rhinestones. By the decoration of the abaya, you can easily determine the level of wealth in her family. Often in these countries, girls do not wear a hijab, but a niqab. Sometimes you can see Arab women wearing a burqa, although this item of clothing has become less and less common over the years.

Freer morals reign in Iran. Young girls prefer jeans, raincoats and headscarves. Especially religious ladies, no matter what, wear the veil.

In liberal states such as Tunisia, Kuwait or Jordan, many women do not cover themselves at all. They look like typical Europeans. However, this phenomenon can only be found in large cities. In the provinces, women wear the traditional hijab to hide their beauty from prying eyes.

Beautiful Arab women: stereotypes about appearance

Westerners have many stereotypes about what Arab women look like. In their minds, they are necessarily curly, dark-eyed, plump and have chocolate skin. However, the appearance of these women does not completely fit the template described above, since African, European, and Asian blood flows in their veins.

The large almond-shaped eyes of the Arab woman can be either bright blue or black. They are mostly brown or greenish. Their hair is dark brown, chocolate, black, and not only curly, but also straight and wavy. Arab women rarely prefer short haircuts. After all, long ones look much more feminine.

The skin color of oriental beauties varies from milky white to chocolate. The face of Arab women is usually oval, but in Egypt and Sudan it can also be elongated. They are well built, and if they tend to be overweight, it is only a little.

Beauty is not for everyone

Only relatives, husbands, children or girlfriends know what Arab women look like without a burqa or other street clothing. The black, loose robes often hide the most common European clothing: jeans, shorts, miniskirts or dresses. Arab women love to dress fashionably and stylishly. Like Western women, they enjoy showing off their latest new clothes, but only to close people.

At home, an Arab woman is no different from a European woman. However, if male guests come to her husband, she is obliged to cover herself. Even her husband’s closest friends should not see what an Arab woman looks like, and she, contrary to the speculation and prejudice of Westerners, does not feel inferior at all. On the contrary, the woman is comfortable and comfortable, because she was taught to be modest from childhood. Abayas, hijabs, niqabs that hide fashionable outfits are not shackles, but those items of clothing that Arab women proudly wear. A photo of an oriental beauty in one of them is presented below.

Arab women: education and career

Shopping and household chores are not the meaning of existence for Arab women. They engage in self-development, study and work.

In progressive countries such as the UAE, women receive a good education. After school, many enter universities created specifically for them, and then get a job. Moreover, women are engaged in the type of activity that they really like. They work in education, in the police, hold important positions in government departments, and some have their own businesses.

Another country where Arab women can realize themselves is Algeria. There, many representatives of the fair sex find themselves in law, science, and also in the healthcare sector. There are more women working as judges and lawyers in Algeria than men.

Problems of self-realization

However, not every Arab country can provide such attractive conditions for training and professional development.

Sudan still leaves much to be desired. In schools only the basics of writing, reading and arithmetic. Only a tenth of the female population receives secondary education.

The government does not approve of the self-realization of Arab women in the labor sphere. Their main way of earning money in Sudan is agriculture. The workers there are severely oppressed, not allowing them to use modern technology and paying meager salaries.

However, no matter what country a woman lives in, she spends the money she receives exclusively on herself, because, according to the canons of Islam, material care for the family lies entirely on the shoulders of the husband.

When do Arab women get married?

An Arab woman gets married on average between the ages of 23 and 27, often after graduating from university. However, life situations are different. In many ways, a woman’s fate depends on the views held by her family and the morals in the country where she lives.

Thus, in Saudi Arabia there is no clearly defined minimum age for marriage. There, parents can marry a ten-year-old girl, but the marriage will be considered formal. This means that she will live in her father's house until puberty and then move in with her husband. In Saudi Arabia, formal marriage is rarely practiced.

And in Yemen this problem is quite acute. The country has a fairly high percentage of early marriages. They are often concluded if they are financially beneficial to the parents of the young bride.

Early marriage (before 18 years of age), however, is not a modern trend, and in most progressive Arab states it is considered an exceptional phenomenon. There, parents are guided by the desires of their daughter, and not by their own benefits.

Marriage in Arab countries

The search for a future spouse falls on the shoulders of the father of the family. If a woman does not like the candidate for husband, then Islam gives her the right to refuse marriage. Whether he is suitable for her or not, the girl decides during several meetings, which necessarily take place in the presence of relatives.

If a woman and a man agree to become spouses, they enter into a marriage contract (nikah). One of its sections indicates the size of the dowry. As a mahr, as Muslims call it, a man gives a woman money or jewelry. She receives part of the dowry at the time of marriage, the rest - in the event of her husband’s death or divorce, which he himself initiated.

The contract is signed not by the bride, but by her representatives. This is how the marriage is formally concluded. After Nikah, the wedding should take place. Moreover, the solemn event can happen the next day or a year later, and only after it do the young people begin to live together.

Married life

In marriage, an Arab woman is soft and compliant. She does not contradict her husband and does not enter into discussions with him, but she actively participates in the discussion of important issues. All responsible decisions are made by the man, because he is the head of the family, and the woman’s concern is raising children and comfort in the home.

There she always has cleanliness and order, her wife has a hot dinner waiting for her, and she herself looks well-groomed and tidy. A woman tries to take care of herself: she visits beauty salons and gyms, buys beautiful clothes. In return, the husband is obliged to show her signs of attention, give her compliments and gifts. He regularly gives his wife money for shopping, but the Arab woman rarely goes grocery shopping. Carrying heavy bags is not a woman's job. All housework, which is difficult for a girl to do, falls on the shoulders of her husband.

An Arab woman goes outside without her husband's accompaniment only with his permission. However, this rule should not be considered as an infringement of women’s rights. It is not always safe to walk alone on Arab streets, so the husband considers it his duty to protect his wife.

When is an Arab woman not protected?

An Arab woman does not glance towards other men. Such behavior can disgrace her. Moreover, a woman will never cheat on her husband, otherwise she will become a sinner and will be punished for adultery. Women in the United Arab Emirates, for example, can go to prison for adultery, and in Saudi Arabia they can become victims of stoning. In Jordan, despite liberal morals, so-called honor killings are practiced. Sharia courts treat men who commit them leniently. The murder itself is considered his “private matter.”

In Arab countries, like nowhere else, the problem of sexual violence against women is acute. An Arab woman who is sexually assaulted by a man usually does not report the incident to law enforcement. After all, she could be convicted of adultery.

Physical and psychological are especially common in Iraq. Moreover, a man can easily get away with unworthy behavior. Only some countries, particularly Saudi Arabia, provide criminal penalties for beating a woman.

Is polygamy a problem?

Residents of Europe are horrified not only by the issue of violence, but also by polygamy, which is officially permitted in all Arab countries. How can a woman tolerate such chaos?

In reality, this problem practically does not exist. To marry another girl, you must obtain the consent of your current wife. Not every Arab woman, even taking into account her upbringing, will agree with this state of affairs.

In principle, men rarely take advantage of their privilege to have several wives. It's too expensive. After all, the living conditions for all wives should be the same. If this rule is not followed, then the wife, whom her husband infringes financially, can file for divorce, and the trial will end in her victory.

Rights of an Arab woman during divorce

Arab women are financially protected from all adversities that may befall them. She can lose everything only in the event of a divorce, which she dares to do of her own free will and without a good reason.

A woman can separate from her husband without losing her mahr only if he does not provide her adequately financially, has disappeared, is in prison, is mentally ill or childless. The reason why a European woman might divorce her husband, for example, due to lack of love, is considered disrespectful for a Muslim woman. In this case, the woman is deprived of all compensation, and her children, upon reaching a certain age, are transferred to be raised by their ex-spouse.

Perhaps it is precisely these rules that have made divorce an extremely rare occurrence in the world. After all, in fact, it is disadvantageous to both spouses. But if it does happen, then the woman can remarry. Islam gave her this right.

Finally

The life of Arab women is so complex and ambiguous. It has special laws and rules that may not always be fair, but they have the right to exist. In any case, the Arab women themselves take them for granted.