I love a convict: stories of people meeting with prisoners. I love a convict: stories of people meeting with prisoners Fell in love with a convict by correspondence

Residents of the Moscow region told RIAMO why they fell in love with the prisoners.

Today, there are many ways for those who want to find a soul mate to meet, but some people deliberately choose a mate among prisoners. And for some, this is an accident, while others are looking for acquaintances with convicts on purpose. RIAMO correspondent asked people who meet with prisoners why they need it.

Margarita, 28 years old, dancer (Podolsk):

“I have always been attracted to prison romance, so I got acquainted with convicts purposefully. I can even “boat on a hair dryer”.

Finding a life partner in the zone is as easy as shelling pears - through groups in social networks. Of course, I did not want to become a victim of some criminal.

Artur is already my third convict boyfriend. Before that, I dated two others. One tried to promote me for money: he asked for cigarettes in blocks, then for food. The second one was married.

Arthur is not with me out of self-interest, his passport is clean and he is sitting stupidly - I checked everything. He loaned a friend $50,000, but didn't take a receipt. He bought an SUV, but was in no hurry to repay the debt. Then Arthur stole a car from him to sell, but got caught and received a four-year sentence.

Arthur will be out in six months. But I am afraid that in the wild he will seem uninteresting to me and I will again be drawn to the prisoners.

Inna, 48 years old, English tutor (Moscow):

I wanted to tear up the letter at first, but decided to just chat. We started a correspondence. I learned that Oleg was convicted of murder: he defended his wife from hooligans. After the verdict, his wife left him. I fell in love and went on a date with him. Didn't listen to anyone's answers. We liked each other and got married six months later. Oleg was released two years later, we began to live together.

I was looking for a job for almost a year, eventually got a job as a loader. And then he was detained again - for theft. He said that he was set up, because he is a prisoner.

Now my husband is back in the colony, and I am waiting for him. Very tired of the endless transfers, trains, buses and queues in front of the gates of the colony. I don't know how long I'll last."

Pavel, 45 years old, welder (Moscow):

“I met Svetlana three years ago. By that time I had divorced my wife, and she decided to take her sons abroad. I had to hire a lawyer, a lawsuit began. Once a lawyer told me that he was working on a case of a 23-year-old girl who was caught in the drug trade, and showed a photo. His client turned out to be a real beauty. At that moment, something clicked inside me, and I asked to introduce us.

Sveta said that she was born in Nizhnevartovsk, came to the capital in search of work, and poverty and the betrayal of a loved one pushed her onto a crooked path. I felt that this was my soul mate.

She has a maximum of three more years to sit, but we hope for parole. I go on dates with her all the time. She has not reciprocated me yet, and our relations are rather friendly. But I’m sure that I can achieve love, because apart from her I don’t need anyone. ”

“I have been married to a convict for three years. We met through correspondence on social networks. He was silent for a year that he was sitting. Yuri introduced himself as the owner of a book business. I told all my friends what kind of gentleman I had - smart, erudite, inquisitive.

It was strange that he did not insist on a meeting, then I myself offered to meet. And then he admitted that he was in the colony. I was in shock, tears, depression. He asked for forgiveness and begged to come to him on a date. I packed up and left.

At home, she roared with anger at herself. And then Yura writes to me: why didn’t you come? It turned out that when agreeing on a date, I spelled his last name incorrectly, and another person was brought to me. We still met Yura, then again and again. As a result, they got married, now they are constantly in touch.

He sits for theft - he cannot pass by someone else's thing that he likes. He has had this since childhood, his parents did not treat him, but only punished him. I think the problem is in his head. Come out - let's go to a psychotherapist together.

Julia, 32 years old, real estate manager (Korolev):

“Igor is my first love, we studied in the same class, met for eight years. But then he got jealous of me for a teacher at the university and attacked him with his fists. I persuaded him not to contact the police, but I had to leave Igor - my parents were sharply against my relationship with the fighter. At first I was very worried, but then I met another guy, got married and had a daughter.

A year ago, I accidentally met the mother of a former lover. She said that her son was in prison for grievous bodily harm. He and his friends got into a fight, and one of the participants ended up in the hospital with an open head injury, broken ribs and a ruptured spleen. Despite this terrible story, I realized that I still love Igor and cannot live without him.

In prison, Igor admitted that his feelings for me had not cooled down. I told my husband about everything, now we are enemies, and he threatens to take the child if “my convict” lives in the same apartment with our daughter. Parents are also against it. But I'm really happy. Igor has 6 more years to sit, but I hired a lawyer, and he promises to reduce the term.”

What to do if you fall in love with an ex-convict? The situation is not easy: relatives do not get tired of repeating that you are crazy, some of your friends are already starting to look askance, while others, on the contrary, are trying to cheer up, give examples from life in which everything ended well. And I want to challenge all the opponents of your relationship - to prove that everything will be different for you, like for others, you will re-educate him, only with you he will become a man! On the other hand, I don’t want to upset my parents, spoil relations with those for whom communication with a former prisoner is unacceptable.

In this article, we will analyze typical life situations in which women fall in love with former prisoners, and we will try to give good advice to those who find themselves in their place.

Why do girls fall in love with former prisoners?

There are many reasons for this, and if you delve into yourself, you will surely be able to compare your situation with these:

• A pity. Love out of pity is generally a strange and terrible thing. A person who is treated with pity should be humiliated by this feeling. Love should be built on mutual respect, but not on the desire of a woman to “pity” the unfortunate prisoner. However, many fall into this trap - after all, a loved one who is imprisoned or recently released seems unfairly offended. Here the girls are trying to restore justice with their love.
• Increased attention from the former prisoner. The everyday life of a person serving a term is not too busy - this is what pushes men who are not too romantic in ordinary life into long correspondence and telephone conversations with unfamiliar women. After leaving prison, many cannot find work for a long time due to a criminal record (and some do not even try to work). Of course, a man who is passionate about his career will not be able to hang on the phone with you all night. But think for yourself, what do you need - prison romance and long nightly conversations, or a relationship with a self-sufficient person who is able to provide for himself?
• Belief in one's own exclusivity, the ability to "re-educate" the prisoner. Many women who have entered into a relationship with a prisoner or a recently completed sentence. they sincerely believe that without their support and love, he will again fall on a slippery slope, but with them he will become a wonderful and caring family man. Of course, such exceptions happen, but... In most cases, the prisoner does not care who he writes and calls with, he just needs “someone” who will help financially in the first months after release, and a little care and affection will not hurt anyone. This does not mean at all that it was you who became for him the very guiding star for which he wants to “correct” and become a different person.

What to expect from a relationship with an ex-convict?

We think our position on the question “Is it worth dating an ex-prisoner” has already become clear to you from what has been said above. But over and over again, girls and women repeat: “ He not like that! Our relationship will be different! Alas, the statistics say otherwise. Let's see what you can expect if you decide to start a relationship or even start a family with a person who has served a prison term:

• The chance of relapse is high. Alas, in our country the conditions of detention of prisoners are such that after leaving prison, even those who got there due to “youth-stupidity” often break down, cannot continue a full life in freedom. And if you fell in love with a former prisoner who sued and was already in prison more than once or twice, then you can safely give guarantees: you won’t stay next to him for long. Waiting for a guy from the army is a laudable thing, but from prison ... Think about it, do you want to spend your life waiting for him to return from prison?
• Cruelty and aggression. As long as you communicate at a distance and you don’t know him too closely, of course, he will claim that he is sitting for a “trifle”, but still try to find out the number of the article under which he was convicted. Even if the offense of your lover is not as terrible as murder or rape, one way or another, you should not forget that he violated the law and caused intentional harm to another person or people. And we repeat again: in the "zone" your potential boyfriend or husband has seen aggression and violence, and he himself probably participated in skirmishes. One day he may raise his hand to you.
• Problems with socialization. Many people who have served a long prison term or several, completely lose the skills of normal communication and activities in society. Your loved one will keep habits that will terrify you for life. Getting a job for an ex-con is not an easy task. The very fact of having a criminal record will alienate most respectable employers, but this is not scary - your lover, most likely, will no longer be able to work, because in the “zone” he is used to receiving shelter and bread just like that. It is possible that a relationship with you for him is a way to get on someone else's neck.
• Circle of friends. If you fell in love with a former prisoner who has been in prison more than once, he has formed a certain circle of friends and is free. Even if your beloved seems to you to be an innocently offended God's dandelion, his acquaintances may turn out to be much worse. If you are not attracted by the prospect of spending the weekend in the company of former prisoners, you should not start a relationship with one of them.
• You may be the next victim. It is not uncommon for a prisoner to go directly from prison to a woman with whom he established a romantic correspondence, settled in her apartment, and then systematically ruined - lived on her money, unobtrusively asked to register real estate for him or simply robbed. But property is a thing to come; Your health may suffer as well. If you know that your lover has already raised a hand against a person, who will give you guarantees that he will not hit or otherwise harm you?

If you decide to start a relationship with an ex-con

We really hope that the arguments above have dissuaded you from this undertaking. “But there are families where everything is fine!” You exclaim. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule. If your lover is a person with a really strong will, who has deep feelings for you and is ready to lead a normal life in society, then you may well succeed. But this case is one in a million. Therefore, at the end of this article, we would like to give some advice in case you still decide to defy fate:

• Keep distance. If you met while your lover was incarcerated, you didn't really have a chance to really get to know him. So, there is no need to rush things. Never let an ex-prisoner live in your apartment or take your money, even if he claims that he has no one else and no one to go to. If he insists, this is a bad sign: most likely, he just wants to take advantage of your kindness. In addition, an adult must be able to provide for himself. Explain that you are ready to support him in every possible way morally, but not financially - if after that his attitude towards you becomes cool, then there was no love on his part.
• Do not rush to introduce him to the children. If you have a child, you should not immediately make an ex-convict a new member of your family. On the contrary, in this case you should be doubly careful. It is not uncommon for former prisoners to beat and even rape adopted children. Therefore, set a distance between him and your child until you are one hundred percent sure of the adequacy and seriousness of your lover's intentions.
• Get to know him better. His habits, friends, value system will tell a lot about him. How will your loved one react to the fact that one day you want to part with him? Can he hit a woman? What are his plans for the future? Of course, you should not arrange an interrogation, but you can use the simplest trick: tell a story about some imaginary girlfriend and ask his opinion. If he even verbally allows violence against women, children, resolving issues by force, any illegal schemes, you should stay away from this person.

A work colleague and I decided to relax and have a drink. Her friend, ZK, is calling, she twittered so sweetly with him, and I was so lonely ... Then I said hello to him, she said that I was sad here, and I take it and ask: maybe they will find someone for me there for the soul, I gave my phone, well, that's it, I forgot about it! And a few days later, a text message came, I am so-and-so, so-and-so tall, etc. I called back, they didn't pick up the phone. Then he called himself! A week later, we chose the name of our daughter ... Tomorrow we have been married for 8 months!

Have you dreamed that a strong and courageous man will fall madly in love with you, completely devoted only to you and ready to move mountains for you? A man who will protect you from all troubles?

It is this image that is exploited by prison inmates who send hundreds of love letters to women from 15 to 50 years old. And often in these gentle messages the theme of the injustice of punishment is heard. The prisoner exposes himself as a victim of circumstances or "evil people", causing sympathy for his suffering. And, unfortunately, for many women who enter into correspondence with prisoners, “regret” quickly turns into “love”.

The most important thing in these letters and phone calls is that he sincerely admires the woman, dreams of meeting, confesses his love, promises to fulfill any of her desires "when we are together." Often these letters on behalf of different men in the zone are written by the same professional "copywriters".

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Which women are at risk?

We were released on December 24th. Everything was fine, love, tenderness. We have two small children. He restored all the documents, did everything. But he just couldn't find a job. They managed to get settled only at the end of February ... and then he began to drink. Everything is not right for him, everything is not for him. Drunk began to come home from work, it was not enough for him, there was no money, he was visiting his former friends. Couldn't sleep at home. In another such spree, I told him that I can’t do this anymore, that the problem needs to be solved. And he says to me: “I can’t be sober, I get tired of the family, the children run back and forth.” Well, why do I need this. I packed my things and decided to leave ... nowhere ... That evening he beat me ... Knocked out my teeth, half of my face was blue! And the kids saw it all. Barely took her legs away, friends helped, hid, he called everyone with threats. And then he overslept, realized what he had done, and began to beg for forgiveness, crawled on his knees, cried. I'm a fool, I'm sorry! She returned to the apartment. He came home from work, played with the children, everything was like in a good family ... 2 weeks have passed! And everything repeated. I have now filed for divorce! He says that I am to blame for everything, they say she knew who she was marrying !!! This is not counting the fact that I lost everything for him: relatives, apartments, friends. Came to this outback, waiting for him. And now I have nowhere to go with the kids. And he also says that he will not let me live in peace !!! The court gave us 3 months to reconcile ...

This is very scary, but it is a fact: to one degree or another, almost all women can be at risk. Some more, some less, but that's all. We are only now learning words like “self-esteem”, “psycho-trauma”, “addictive relationships”, “violence”. We learn that families where there are dependent people, where parents are authoritarian or, on the contrary, very driven, strongly influence the child's perception of reality in general. We grow up with a "black hole" in our souls. With unstable self-esteem, with the perception of oneself as unworthy of love. But the desire for love is still with us. And since we often lack the basic things, the unconditional acceptance that we can only get from parents in infancy, we seek it from other people. And we are ready to turn a blind eye to many things, the psyche is protected from pain and disappointment, denying obvious things. It is enough to stroke us like an orphan kitten, and we are ready to follow this person anywhere.

How is dependence on these relationships formed?

We're home. I have no joy. Was much happier while he was there. So I tell him. I'm an absentee-waited for a year and a half. I also went to the DS, and drove gears, and everything, like everyone else, pulled him out on parole. Three months thumps. Got into crime again. Gop-stop, etc. Four droppers and a week in a drug treatment center, after which he got drunk on the day of the exit to a pig squeal. I've already cut my veins. There is no peace for me, nor for him. My help does not accept: just be there. Where is next? Dangle with you in dubious companies and drink? Not for me. We live in the same city. He is with his mother, I am at home with my parents. He says if they lived together, everything would be different. I answer: "Go to work, rent a house, I'll be there." Like, they don't take it anywhere. But there is no time to try to look for it. The weather is good outside, and vodka is in the river. In rare moments of sobering up, he cries. "I'm losing you, I can't live without you," but he doesn't want to change anything. I suffer and regret, and I’m just stupidly and selfishly waiting for my soul to stop whining and rooting for him, and I can calmly leave and not look back. There is no future and never will be. Paying tribute to the happy moments we had That's it. End.

Having fallen in love with a fairy tale created by professionals, a woman becomes emotionally dependent on her illusions. In general, this is an escape from the complexities of the reality in which she lives. A man who admires and loves her is perceived as an enchanted prince from the fairy tale "Beauty and the Beast". And the woman sincerely believes that love will "disenchant" her hero. He will be released and create the ideal world promised in the letters.

So the woman gullibly becomes addicted. The real is replaced by the illusory. From now on, her future is connected only with her beloved, and the woman is forced to play by his rules, sharing his values ​​​​and observing the code of conduct of the prisoner's wife. In such a merger, it is impossible to adequately perceive your love. Any attempts by friends to show the "true face" of the prince are rejected. It is impossible for her to accept reality or refuse it: in case of incorrect behavior, she will experience a painful loss of the relationships that she has.

The psyche has a way of self-preservation from destruction. These are psychological defenses: denial and repression make it possible to gradually experience the blows of pain and grief, giving gradualness in living through losses. But these same psychological defenses also work when we want to hide from other types of pain: from the truth that is too hard for us to believe in, from the collapse of our illusions. Simply because we really want to believe them, we crave love and acceptance. Therefore, we can be mistaken for a long time about what the people next to us are like. This mechanism works not only in the case of relations with a prisoner, but also in relations with dependent people, as well as in relations where there is psychological and physical violence. One of the clearest examples of self-defense of the psyche is the "Stockholm" syndrome. When the victim of violence falls in love with the rapist.