Why is a hard life easier than an easy one? Hard Life - Fate or Choice

In order to correctly navigate the world around you and correctly find your way, sometimes you need to take a break from the everyday hustle and bustle and look at your life as if from the outside. Sometimes a person who is mired in worries and endless affairs ceases to objectively perceive his own values ​​and lives in a world of illusions.

It is important to build your life in such a way that you feel comfortable and interesting. For example, when choosing a job, do not rush to give preference to a large salary. Think about what factor is most important to you in your profession, and build on this knowledge. Follow your desires, talents and preferences; this path is the simplest and most pleasant.

Consider whether you are overloading your own life. Sometimes abundance brings more negative emotions than positive ones. Maybe you demand a lot from yourself, want to succeed in everything at once, strive to control everything and be perfect. For some people, it is enough to lower the bar a little, accept their own small shortcomings, give up complex but unimportant tasks, reduce the number of responsibilities, and life immediately becomes a simpler thing.

Stop complicating things

There are many ways in which a person can make life difficult for themselves. One of them is the acceptance of other people's values. Some people do not understand what they really want and are easily influenced by society. They quickly accept goals and aspirations common among other members of society and move towards them.

This creates many difficulties and problems, but brings practically no benefit. A person becomes disillusioned with life and considers fate to be unfair to him.

Another type of people thinks a lot for others. Such impressionable natures passionately desire to receive someone's approval, but at the same time they are quite suspicious. Together this creates enough problems. Individuals of this type are tormented by doubts, pangs of conscience, guilt, uncertainty, inattention of others, and consider themselves deprived and offended.

Those who look for a catch in everything also complicate their lives considerably. Pessimistic people worry endlessly about almost everything, get upset about every event, and often complain. If you want to see the bad, find a flaw, have a problem and difficulties, you will succeed.

Don't try to please everyone. You can't please everyone. Also, don't do something you don't like just because others expect you to react a certain way.

Your actions should be determined by your interests. Therefore, it is important to clearly understand what will be the best choice for you. It should be adhered to every moment.

You don't have to worry about the future all the time. Solve problems as they arise. Some people don’t have that many real problems at the moment, but they spend a lot of moral energy to avoid some kind of illusory trouble. Live here and now.

That this is a rhetorical question. This is a question from the series: “Why don’t people fly like birds?” I couldn’t find what to answer her. Maybe you can do it?! The only thing I can speculate on is the topic of injustice. But will this change anything? Unlikely. However, I am convinced that in the end everything will be fine, and if this does not happen, then it is not the end. With this thought, life is easier and more pleasant, despite any disasters.

Of course, maintaining positivity in yourself is not an easy task, especially when there is pessimism around you and you have to fight on two fronts: with your own “I” and with someone else’s “I”. What makes me not give up and not fall into despair? My rich inner world. Sounds funny? And what can you say, Magnus, to the fact that thinking and spiritually developed people (I don’t have a religion here) who were in the Gulag, on Solovki, in German concentration camps, endured difficulties more easily than their antipodes? There is a lot of evidence for this, but one of the most famous documents is the fate of Viktor Frankl. What helped him survive in the Theresienstadt and Auschwitz concentration camps, where Frankl spent almost three years, was not physical strength, but an appeal to his soul. He found inspiration within himself, which helped him find joy outside. So, there is only one conclusion: it is not the strongest who will overcome the tests, but those who have a rich inner world.

My inner world consists of what I read, what I watch, and what films I take refuge in. For example, now the series “Shameless” helps me not to lose heart. It tells the story of the Gallagher family struggling to make ends meet. And despite the circumstances and conditions that have developed around them, they manage not to hang their noses. Moreover, they achieve their goals (even if only for a short time - the genes make themselves felt!) and use every opportunity for joy. And their inexhaustible black humor is infectious with its sincerity. This is a very realistic series, as realistic as life itself.

As you know, life is given only once. But there may be several fates. I think it is clear to you, Magnus, that I am not a fatalist. A person is free to reshape his destiny as he pleases. The main thing is to move and not stand still. And this is only possible if there are tests. Therefore, they do not need to be treated as something terrible. There is no need to treat them in any way. The best thing is to endure them with honor and prepare for a new portion. Eventually, they will tire of their victim's resilience and inflexibility and leave him alone. But not for long. And during this short break, the victim’s task is to prepare to meet them fully armed. And then she will no longer be taken by surprise by the challenges of fate and they will be perceived differently.

I feel like I've gone into philosophizing. But there is something in this, right?! Think about it in your spare time. Hey hey!

You asked - I answer:How to gather yourself when there are difficult periods in life, you have no strength for anything, you don’t want anything (as an option, someone in the family is sick), how to find support and internal resources at such a moment?

Yes, indeed, there are periods that are sometimes called “a dark streak in life,” when strength and desires disappear somewhere, nothing makes you happy. Such difficult periods in life can arise for various reasons: loss of a job, change of place of residence, long-term stress, a crisis in a relationship or divorce, a financial crisis, simply an internal crisis, a spiritual crisis...

What to do in such a situation?

I will answer this question from my experience. The hardest time for me was when my husband was seriously ill - he had cancer. And then his death. Although I wrote a book about everything I experienced, I did not formulate specific recommendations in it. Now, apparently the time has come to do it.

The first thing to do is accept the fact that this is exactly what is happening to you now (if someone is sick, then accept the person’s illness and everything that is connected with it for you). Become aware of your feelings in this situation.

About feelings. Most often, we experience a lack of strength, apathy or depression, simply because we cannot recognize our real feelings and allow them to do their work, we do not live them, but resist them. Our strength is spent on internal resistance to our feelings, to a situation that we cannot accept. It takes energy to fight all this. Stop resisting, accept everything as it is!!! This alone will do several healing things for you: your strength will return, the process of awareness will begin, you will be freed from difficult thoughts and feelings.

Believe me - it's possible!

The second thing that is important to do is cry. Tears come when you experience your feelings, your pain. Give yourself permission to cry! Along with tears, tension will be released, unlived emotions will be experienced, acceptance (at least partial) of the situation will occur, pain will decrease and gradually go away completely.

It happens that you cannot allow yourself to cry, because it seems to you that then you will upset your loved ones, or you are uncomfortable crying in front of strangers, or you have suppressed your emotions so much that you are afraid to let yourself go, because, as it seems to you, you will completely lose your fortitude in this situation. Or it happens that you want to cry and there is an opportunity, but it doesn’t work out, physically and emotionally it doesn’t work out.

Ways to cry:

Third, find an opportunity to be alone with yourself. At least half an hour a day. Be sure to go outside and take a walk. It is very useful to be in the forest or at least in the park. Walk on the earth, communicate with nature. It is grounding, calming and energizing.

Fourth, talk about your feelings. If you don’t want to talk about them with friends or a psychologist, then you can just do it in front of the mirror, you can talk to God, you can write down what you feel. This is one of the ways to recognize and experience feelings. In any case, communicate with those people who understand you, who are close to you in spirit, who can listen to you and accept everything as it is.

Fifth, if you don’t want anything, then let this state be. It’s just that your energy goes to what is more necessary for you now, and not to producing desires. This is the time to let go of everything that was important and meaningful to you. Because if this happens to you, then you are probably ready to reassess your values. In times like these, it is very productive to revise and reassess your values ​​and beliefs. Everything old, unnecessary, superficial is destroyed. And something new is born. Be at peace and let the old go, make room for new values ​​and desires.

Sixth, think about the meaning of your life. It is during such periods of life that many things begin to fall into place, the undisguised essence of life is revealed - such as it is. Just think about it. Who are you in this life? What are you living for? Why are you given this situation? What does she teach you? How would you like to live your life in a global sense? Not from the point of view of physical existence, but from the point of view of a spiritual being?

Perhaps in such a state everything will seem meaningless to you, and this is normal. Then live the state of meaninglessness. Another state will come after it... Because whatever you live through is all temporary, everything passes if you don’t hold on to it. If you just accept, it comes and lets go.

Seventh, pay attention to your hobby. Perhaps there is something you enjoy doing: drawing, reading, writing, dancing, singing, sewing, studying something... whatever. Just do what you like... If you don’t have the time, energy or desire for it, then you don’t need to force yourself. But if you start doing this, you will help yourself tune in to creation, your thoughts will flow in a positive direction, bright feelings and interest will return.

Because any such activity of yours can serve as therapy for you. Therapy through creativity or work. Helps a lot.

Eighth, and most importantly! Look at yourself and the World from a Divine point of view. Look at everything that happens to you from the point of view of Eternity. Let, despite all the difficult emotions that you are experiencing, Love grow in your heart. Turn your attention to God. Let the highest value for you be Love for God, service to God. Because we take all our strengths, meanings and values ​​from this Source. All other sources to which we are accustomed: communication, loved ones, health, future, creativity, etc. – this is all transitory, it is not eternal even from the point of view of human life, not to mention Eternity. And when suddenly everything that we have relied on in this life begins to malfunction, collapse or stop working, then we become scared, very scared! Any crisis is about this. He just says that what you relied on, what your happiness depended on, is leaving, disappearing and you need to look for another support. And here it is important to find a support that is more reliable. There is nothing more reliable than God.

It is no coincidence that after living through such periods of life, many people begin to believe in God, even if they did not believe before.

Try to maintain it, even if everything around you is not going as you imagined and as you wanted. This is how the soul and spirit develop. While going through various trials in life, the task is to maintain and increase Love for God. Make it the main support in life. And everything else is just a means for this.

With Love, Tatyana Kiseleva.

There are 5 main things that make life hard. These are your beliefs, ideals, demands (your own or those of others), unmourned losses and the desire to “get hooked on emotions.” Life itself is neither simple nor difficult. She just is. But the habit of making life difficult reliably keeps many people in a reality in which it is difficult and unpleasant to live.

A hard life is a score

I have already written about what happens when a person is sure that... But the problem is not only that we value what we have obtained with effort and devalue much that has turned out “as if on its own.” A hard life is a value judgment. The question is how the person came to this assessment:

• heavy compared to something;
• what weighs it down;
• What does the “easy life” look like and what makes it unattainable?

It often turns out that:

1. Life is hard compared to the “neighbor”. A person looks at how those around him cope with tasks, everyday life, relationships, and it seems to him that they made no effort at all. “It happened on its own, but why is it different for me?!”
2. Life becomes harder if there is a feeling of hopelessness, the impossibility of changing anything. It seems like it will always be like this. This is where life becomes difficult.
3. There is no ideal of an “easy life” or it is vague and unrealistic. For example, “everyone should love me,” or “they shouldn’t argue with me.” Any maxims spoil the life of those who expect not the optimal option, but a good enough one. impossible .

Beliefs

One of the ways a person creates heaviness is through his beliefs. They all “cling” to some unconditional values. For example, the sufferer may be convinced:

• I deserve better;
• I must be loved;
• everything should work like this and not otherwise.

As a result, belief becomes an expectation from the world, but it, such an infection, does not justify it. To do something, you have to work hard, and often you have to give up part of your beliefs and reconsider them.

Ideals

Ego-ideal is an idea of ​​myself, of what I should be. If this ideal has a large discrepancy with the “real self,” that is, with what a person does in ordinary life, in reality, heaviness appears, even to the point of .

There is only one way out - to revise ideals towards greater vitality and similarity with oneself.

Imagine a young lady whose ego-ideal is a ballerina. At the same time, she is overweight, she works hard in the gym, limits herself to food, but at the same time she cannot come close to the “ballerina” image in her head. Of course, she will have a very difficult life.

And no achievements along this path will repay the efforts spent on achieving your ideal. Which, let me remind you, exists only in the head (plus it can be partially supported by her loved ones).

Requirements – your own and those of others

Life is hard if a person follows little of his “wants” and does a lot of what he “should” and “should”. Any obligations and requirements, both yours and those around you, can and should be reviewed.

Some housewives raising small children find that it is much easier for them to earn money and pay for the work of another person than to clean the house themselves. By choosing “earn and pay,” he gets rid of the task. But at the same time, many experience an unpleasant, nagging, oppressive feeling of guilt: “I’m a bad housewife, I have to cope on my own.”

Demands lead to the fact that a person lives in a very gloomy world that brings little pleasure and joy (pleasant things), and requires a lot of effort to do something that they do not like at all. Efforts are wasted, there is less and less strength left, and life becomes a very difficult thing...

Unmourned losses

Any loss requires time to grieve. Burying is better than leaving behind a “ghost of the past.” A person who suffers from the past (from a dead cat to an unfulfilled relationship) is akin to a patient with a broken finger:

“Doctor, it hurts here, here, and here, and this also hurts!” - Pointing a finger, the patient says.

- Eh, my friend, your finger is broken! - the doctor notes.

While a person is suffering, he is doing great and important internal work. Any distraction to everyday affairs, although it brings temporary relief, complicates this task and delays the real healing of the soul.

Plus, in the process of mourning, a person paints the world in black tones.

We also have to mourn strange things, unobvious losses. For example, the fact that youth has definitely passed, or health is no longer the same, or career prospects have passed by. Or - it turns out! - there is no that great and beautiful love that man dreamed of.

“Drama Queen”, or How to get addicted to emotions

Life is hard for those who are “addicted to emotions.” Such a person literally “squeezes” the problem out of any situation and screws himself up. Those around him can return the real picture to him - in fact, everything is not so scary. But that won't stop a true drama queen. Life is..., all the women are..., the sun is...another lantern. The problems continue, the plot gets tighter and tighter, and the person continues to complain about his hard life.

The habit of strong emotions is often almost the only thing that helps a person feel alive and real. This means that there is a difficult path ahead to move from “drama” to the middle register of feelings. To feel that a light breeze, pleasant music and other things that are not very emotionally charged can also bring pleasure.

You will have to come down from the perverted high - otherwise, after eternal difficulties, health, work, and other important parts of life often fall away.