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My husband has an illegitimate child. Illegitimate children It is legal to tell the family about an illegitimate child

https://uborshizzza.livejournal.com/2019/02/01/
I came across a map showing the percentage of illegitimate children by country of the world.
A very interesting picture. I didn't find a map, but here are other images

In France - 50% out of wedlock; in Norway -54% out of wedlock; Iceland -66% out of wedlock, in the northern regions of England and in Scotland almost 60% of children are born out of wedlock; in Sweden - 54.2; in Norway - 55%; Bulgaria - 56%; Estonia - 59.7%; Belgium - 49%; Latvia - 43.7%; the Netherlands - 43.3%; Hungary - 42%; Czech Republic - 41%.
But there are those in the EU. Who has a small and medium percentage of illegitimate children: in Greece - 5%; Cyprus - 15%; Italy - 21%.
Extramarital births are much less common in Asia: in 1998, their percentage in Japan was 1.4%, Israel - 3.1%, China - 5.6%, Uzbekistan - 6.4%. However, in some countries it is noticeably higher: in Kazakhstan - 21%, Kyrgyzstan - 24%.
The countries of North America and Oceania are still in the middle - the number of children born out of wedlock is growing rapidly, but so far it is below 50%. In the US, 72% of children born to black women and 66% of children born to Indian women are children born out of wedlock. For comparison, among white women this figure is lower at 29%, and among Asian American women - 17%.
In Latin America, Colombia has the highest out-of-wedlock birth rates at 84%, followed by Peru at 76% and Nicaragua at 72%; in Chile - 70.7%, in Paraguay - 70%, in Peru - 69%, in Brazil - 65.8%, in the Dominican Republic - 63%, in Mexico - 55%.

In African countries, these figures vary greatly. For example, in Nigeria illegitimate birth is 6%, and in South Africa - 63% of children.
In Russia - 21% of those born out of wedlock. And the same in Ukraine.

For comparison, in the 1940s, only 4% of children were born out of wedlock.

It is very difficult to say what caused such changes. It is clear that with the crisis of the traditional family, but how exactly?

One of the reasons is the complete equalization of rights for children born in wedlock and out of wedlock.

Another reason was social benefits for single mothers. Indeed, many are actually married, but do not register it. Gretchen Livingston, head of the demographic research group at Pew Research Center, says that, for example, almost 60% of children born out of wedlock do not live with a single mother, but in families where the parents are not in official relations.
There are more illegitimate children in disadvantaged sections of society and among ethnic minorities.

Also an important factor influencing the growing rates of out-of-wedlock birth and upbringing of children are homosexual couples who either do not want to legalize their relationship, or do not have the opportunity to do so due to the fact that in many countries same-sex marriages are not allowed.
Experts note various factors influencing the growth of out-of-wedlock births: cultural and religious principles, economic growth - for example, the boom in such a birth rate in the United States occurred in the years before the 2008 economic crisis.
Another indicator of this problem is age: in the last couple of decades, there has been a sharp increase in the birth of illegitimate children by women who do not want to register their relationship. And their age category is about 20 years.
The percentage of illegitimate children is higher (almost 10%) during the first pregnancy. At the same time, the largest number of extramarital births is observed among young women, so in the USA 86% of births in women under 20 years of age are out of wedlock, 60% in women 20-24 years old, and 33% in women 25-29 years old. However, the percentage of illegitimate births increases in women who give birth after 40 years. In Russia, such mothers provide almost a third of extramarital births.

That is, there are more illegitimate children in poor families; in large families; in ethnic minority families (if we are talking about the USA), in very young women (under 20 years old) and in women over 40 years old.
But, in general, it's interesting. In many countries, more than 50% of children are already growing up without fathers (or without mothers).
And that's not counting the divorced! It remains to find out how many children grow up in complete families with their biological parents.

It's kind of a whole new world.

I came across a map showing the percentage of illegitimate children by country of the world.
A very interesting picture. I didn't find a map, but here are other images

For comparison, in the 1940s, only 4% of children were born out of wedlock.

It is very difficult to say what caused such changes. It is clear that with the crisis of the traditional family, but how exactly?

One of the reasons is the complete equalization of rights for children born in wedlock and out of wedlock.

It's kind of a whole new world.

Photo: Iakov Filimonov/Rusmediabank.ru

I had an acquaintance, a so-so acquaintance, who once mentioned in a conversation that many of his friends, and he himself, "have children on the side." When I bulged my eyes and asked “how is it? And how do you live with it?”, he vaguely shrugged his shoulders and said, “well, she (the mother of an illegitimate child) has lost her temper and lives on.” From the answer it is quite clear that the fate of the child himself worried my friend - "super duper macho", least of all. But it’s one thing when you learn such news from a stranger, to whom you basically don’t care, and it’s quite another when the child is not from you, it appears with your own husband. What to do in this case, read on.

Of course, in a situation where a husband is born, there can be no unequivocal answer “how to live on”. That is why there are several options, as always (thanks to psychologists). A priori, it means that the husband is not going to leave his lawful wife, and the birth of a child “there” also did not induce the “sexual giant” to leave the family.

Option one. "Either he or I"

The most favorite option of deceived wives is to shed tears, throw a tantrum, grab your heart and whisper with almost blue lips: "Choose - either me or this child." And eight out of ten men caught on the “hot”, with downcast eyes, say: “Of course, you, my love. I was wrong, this is only her child, I don’t want to know anything about him. The wife is delighted, the happy family again found the meaning of life.

However, the opinion of psychologists on this matter is not at all as rosy as the opinion of the wife who was preferred to "this child." It turns out that if a man with such ease can refuse not only from the woman with whom he had sex on the side, but even from his own, blood child, this only speaks of his infantilism, cowardice and super selfishness. Choosing between a small child (where there are only problems and worries) and a familiar wife (naturally, we don’t talk about love, because it doesn’t exist at all), such a man, of course, will choose his own comfort.

Worldly wisdom says that if a man is able to abandon his own child with such ease, then he is also a man, then it is difficult to call him. And in vain the wife rejoices that she won this battle, as a reward, as a rule, she gets a coward and a traitor.

Option two. "Only money"

and a man with self-respect, as a rule, chooses the second option, when the child receives financial assistance, but at the same time, dates and meetings (and when will daddy come?) Are not planned at all. Psychologists are sure that this option is one of the most reasonable. On the one hand, the fact of adultery and the birth of a child cannot be changed, and if a man decides to stay in the family and his legal wife also agrees with this decision, then “humanly” he will help the child who has given birth financially, without playing at the same time incoming dad.

Psychologists are sure that if a man is able to take responsibility for his reciprocating movements of the pelvis outside the home and compensate for these sprees at least financially, then everything is not as bad as it might seem at first. To provide an illegitimate child financially, this is the very responsibility of an adult man for his actions. And, probably, a wife in such a situation should draw conclusions and reconsider her behavior, because next to her there was a man who is really a Man, even if he made a mistake.

Option three. "Communication with the child"

One of the most difficult options, leading, as a rule, to, and before that to a long and painful agony, is the communication of your own husband with an illegitimate child. Psychologists say that this option is the most painful for all people involved in this worldly vaudeville, for a man, his wife, his legitimate and illegitimate children. This is exactly the case when they say "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." No one has yet been able to remain good for everyone, for his wife, and for “that” child, and for legitimate children.

As a rule, this shaky construction falls apart when one of its participants loses their nerve. Most often, this “lucky man” turns out to be precisely the unfaithful husband, to whom the truth slowly but surely begins to reach that “you can’t please everyone” and you will have to make a choice. And no matter how he does in the future, anyway, one of the participants in this drama will already be very painful.

Option four. "Let's take him with us"

This option would probably look great in the famous program on the central channel, when crazy people throw out completely inadequate tricks and everyone gives them a standing ovation for it. In real life, the decision to take to the family is made by one man out of several thousand and it is not a fact that his legal wife will agree with his decision.

Option five. "Go, darling, through the forest"

The most unpopular way out of the situation, but, nevertheless, it is the most correct. Psychologists carefully hint that if your husband had an illegitimate child, then your husband is most likely not your husband, but rather just a cohabitant in a joint living space. Because before a child is born, your husband went on dates with "someone", spoke beautiful words of love to "someone", most likely promised to marry, conceived a child, the woman with whom he twisted love, bore him a child, and only after all this huge and long journey you will know the final.

Psychologists are sure that it is better to cry once and send your husband wherever his eyes look than to slowly but surely die for the rest of his life from jealousy, resentment and fear of the future.

I really like Conor, and outwardly the fire, and he got rich, only thanks to his diligence in the sports field and the talent of a showman, starting his journey as a plumber, charismatic, cheerful, kind. I hope that all the negative news about him is not true.
Conor McGregor got into another scandal: the British Terry Murray said that the Irishman is the father of her one-year-old daughter Claude.

Murray, 26, demands that Conor take a paternity test: “I don’t need his money. I just want to prove that he is Claude's father, and I'm not lying." McGregor himself says that it was not he who slept with the girl, but one of his friends and is even ready to undergo a DNA test.

In an interview with Irish Mirror, Terry Murray revealed that she met McGregor in 2017 when he was visiting Liverpool for the Grand National. The girl has evidence: photos in which Conor behaves not so friendly

We slept. To be honest, there was no sleep, we did not sleep. Do you understand what I mean? I warned him that I had no contraception, and he said: "Baby, yes ***** [spit]".

According to Terri, a few days later she slept with Conor for the second time. And during the second meeting, she already knew that the girlfriend of Conor Dee Devlin, whom he had been dating since 2008, was pregnant (Conor Jack was born in May 2017).

A month later, Terri wrote to McGregor, saying that she was expecting a child from him. The Irishman did not answer.

Claude was born in January 2018. Her birth certificate does not include her father's last name. “I left out her last name because my mother said: ‘He will have rights [to the child], he has more money than we have, if he wants to take her away, you will never see her again.

I don't work, I live with my mother and child. I'm having a harder time than I thought. I wanted us to handle this personally. I don't know why he did this.

I want my child to have a better life. And I know that money will help with this. I already told Conor, “You can just walk away and never talk to me again unless a DNA test confirms paternity.

He tells everyone that I slept with someone else. He says that my child is from someone else. It's not fair, and it shouldn't be left like that."

In modern society, an illegitimate child has long ceased to occupy the shameful place of an outcast, his individual rights are enshrined in law and must be respected equally by legitimate ones. But despite the legally enshrined rights and obligations of this category, there is an opinion among the people that out of marriage, babies are not protected in any way, they will remain at the mercy of fate and cannot count on the help of their father, just like their mothers. What to do if there was an illegitimate child? Let's try to clarify the situation from the point of view of law and psychology.

Rights of illegitimate children under the law

Illegitimate is a slightly outdated word, but it accurately reflects the essence of the concept when a baby is born from parents who did not register their marriage at the time of his birth.

The situation arises due to various reasons. This may be a second family, which cannot be registered according to our laws, the unwillingness of a couple to get married, and even any mercantile considerations (housing, inheritance issues, social benefits, etc.).

And yet, married or not, the baby needs paperwork, and hence the patronymic.

The controversial issue of paternity is usually resolved in several ways:

father and mother together submit documents to the registry office, recognizing their paternity and motherhood, the child receives a patronymic, the surname of the father or mother, parents - the corresponding notes in their passports (sometimes at the same time, couples finally register a marriage if they are aimed at the family);
in case of refusal of paternity, maternity is recorded from the words of the mother, and paternity is established in court, and the DNA analysis will be the main fact;
in case of refusal of paternity and the impossibility to establish the identity of the father, the court allows the mother to give, at her discretion, the name and patronymic, as well as her surname;
the court may also allow the patronymic to be issued by a relative or guardian if paternity cannot be established.

When paternity is established in court, alimony is levied - a monthly payment for maintenance from the father until the first comes of age. In the case of voluntary recognition, an oral or written agreement can be concluded between the parents on how much and in what form the father will help financially.

At the same time, it is possible to agree on the non-material participation of the father in education - walks, joint weekends, etc. The court cannot force participation in education, the father can declare this at will, which, however, the mother can reject.

With a court established or voluntarily recognized paternity, the child becomes a first-degree relative, which means that he can claim the inheritance in the same way as children born in a legal marriage.

If there are any, then the law equalizes them in legal rights to the property of the parent. Thus, in our country today, illegitimate children have the maximum legal protection of interests.

What kind of alimony can you expect?

According to the law of the Russian Federation, a man, recorded in the birth certificate as a father, is obliged to pay a monthly amount for the maintenance of children in the following amount: for one - ¼ of total income (from all sources), for two - 1/3 of income.

Please note that the executive service simply does not have the ability to collect payments forcibly if the defendant's income before the court is not officially recorded.

In fact, a well-to-do, but not officially employed man in practice often turns out to be free from such a burden, and if alimony is not included in his personal plans, but on the contrary, he is going to hide from them, then it is almost impossible to legally achieve at least irregular payments.

The executive service is not entitled to track bank accounts in non-criminal cases, which means that it will not be possible to prove the solvency of a certain person without information on income provided to them. Alimony for an illegitimate child is a sore subject for many mothers, because in life it turns out that you can count on help only if the man himself is set on it.

Let's look at the situation from the other side, through the eyes of the wife of a man who burdened the family budget with replenishment on the side. If the wife is an understanding, sympathetic and kind person, then she argues that the baby is not to blame for the current situation and deserves his or her father to help, provide, and educate as far as possible.

But this is not always the case, because we are talking about treason, and wives often give an ultimatum - I will forgive you if you break all ties and will not give a penny. At the same time, the illegitimate child of her husband will not receive either mercy or justice, because such spouses unambiguously consider alimony as a means that a walking man completely dishonestly tears off families.

Resentment is intensified by the thought that with the family's hard-earned funds, the mistress will buy updates and make repairs for herself, and not just food for the offspring.

Thus, if a man is legally married and has offspring from his mistress, but does not intend to support two families, then the prospect of alimony is fading before our eyes. Most likely, he and his wife will do everything possible to ensure that the illegitimate and his mother do not get anything.

Such a situation must be foreseen and resolved amicably, in court or with the involvement of a third party for discussion - relatives, lawyers for negotiations. There is a faint, but still hope that the deceived wife will step over her anger and resentment and stop interfering with her husband's fatherly duties.

"I want to see the baby!" - what to do?

In addition to material participation in upbringing, fathers sometimes wish, persistently, to raise their child, see each other, go for walks, take them to the circus, take them to the village, to the country house, on weekends or holidays, and also make important decisions on a par with their mother.

Morally, such feelings are more acceptable and natural than completely ignoring one's own child, but psychological difficulties may arise here. After all, there is no question of a full-fledged family, which means that emotional trauma on both sides is inevitable.

We will have to decide once and for all what the future personal relationship of the father and mother will be - they cohabit, they have a guest marriage, lovers without obligations, or people simply connected by one goal who want to raise and put their son or daughter on their feet together.

It is especially difficult to decide on a specific format of relationships if the mother or father already has a family. The wife's illegitimate child can be perceived by her husband no less painfully than wives perceive the offspring of a husband's adultery.

Children, as a rule, live with their mother, grow up in her house and family, so that some men who have received their wife’s illegitimate child for the dependent and upbringing, out of pride or to avoid mental anguish, forbid not only to accept help from their father, but also any contacts with him. Formally, they do not have the right to do this, but in life their will sometimes plays a major role.