If a person constantly fiddles with something with his hands. How to get rid of "nervous habits"

What are bad habits? Each of us has our own “beauty sin”: some can’t resist and squeeze out pimples, some bite their nails, and others constantly pull at their hair.

Psychologists have found out what each of these bad habits of women means!

What are the consequences of bad habits: psychology

If you bite your nails

You are a perfectionist. You are very responsible and careful, you check everything down to the last detail and sometimes you can delay the delivery of a project because it has not yet been brought to perfection. Allow yourself to be calmer about your work, because it is impossible to achieve the ideal. Invite your colleagues to help, consult with them more often and share the burden of responsibility - and you can forget about bad habits.

If you squeeze pimples

Psychologists believe that any skin problems are problems between your inner self and the outside world. The skin is the barrier that separates them, and accordingly, your desire to damage it (and this is how the desire to squeeze out a pimple or blackhead is regarded) is an unconscious attempt to become more open, trusting against the backdrop of fears that the world is not as friendly as it seems. Chat with friends more often, make new acquaintances, or - ideally - take part in some kind of volunteer project. Believe me, there are more good people than bad!

If you pull your hair

You braid and unbraid your hair, twist a curl around your finger, pull a strand... What does this habit mean? You're just reflecting. You tend to think about events that have already happened a million times, trying to find the best answer to the boss, a more cutting phrase that would cut off the tram boor, the most correct advice that you could give to a friend... Think about why you should waste time on the past. What happened was what happened, and even if something went wrong, this is not a reason to torment yourself with endless “I should have...”. Pay more attention to today, and try to treat mistakes as lessons: yes, it didn’t work out very well, but that’s already in the past!

If you pull your eyelashes

Some even “manage” to pluck them completely! The psychology of such bad habits is hidden aggression. You're hurt, upset, or disappointed, but you don't give yourself permission to express your anger openly. And you direct it inward, causing discomfort and even pain to yourself. Give free rein to your feelings! Go to the gym and grind a pear, shoot snowballs at a tree, write a letter to the offender, explaining how he hurt you, or tell a friend how unfairly your colleagues treated you. Don't keep it to yourself!

It would seem, what’s wrong with this when man twirls his hair? But in fact, in most cases, this harmless action, especially when performed by an adult, is not at all harmless. No one can say for sure why and why we like to “tangle”, so to speak, our curls. This problem especially concerns women, perhaps because they really have something to twirl on their heads, but also, in my life, there were also men who unintentionally twirled real whirlwinds on their heads, doing it so often that bald patches appeared.

This question began to bother me when I noticed this bad habit in my son. This happened completely unconsciously, and over time I even managed to understand what exactly made him want to spin another whirlwind. In those moments when Nikita was embarrassed, worried or lying, he began to brutally twirl his thick, wire-like hair around his finger. After carefully studying the information on the Internet, I realized that these actions could develop into a serious bad habit and began to wean him off it.

To begin with, I convinced my child that this habit leads to his hair starts sticking out in different directions, especially bangs, and this is very ugly. At that time, he liked his classmate Nastya, and I had to constantly remind him that in order for the sympathy to be mutual, he must be a neatly combed boy. This was enough for a while, and I began to notice that Nikita was twisting his hair much less often, but then the habit returned again. My husband and I began to constantly make comments to him, but as soon as the child was alone in the room, he again began to “twist his curls.” The only more or less effective measure in this situation could be a very short haircut, but the son categorically did not agree to such a radical measure, for the thousandth time, promising that he would not do anything else.

Time passed, the child grew up, and with him the habit grew up. Now Nikita himself didn’t like the fact that his hair grew in different directions, and he began to devote a lot of time to his hairstyle, styling his bangs for half an hour every morning. But this didn’t help either, because at the first excitement, just as adults grab a cigarette, a bottle, or bite their fingernails, my son began to twirl his rather short hairs around his fingers. In the end, we still managed to convince him to get a short hairstyle, at least for a while, until he learns to calm himself down with something else.

In short, only six months later, I was able to breathe more or less calmly. My son stopped “curling” his head and no longer wrapped his hair around his fingers, but now I have another problem. If earlier, thanks to his bad habit, I immediately understood that he was lying or worried, but now it is no longer so simple. Moreover, maybe because of this, or maybe not, he has developed a new bad habit - lying, with or without reason... And now, I will have to wean him from lying. And I don’t even know... Maybe we shouldn’t have taught him not to twirl his hair?

Question from Albina, Kazan:

“I’ve had a problem since childhood - I pull the hair on my head, I can’t control it, psychologists didn’t help either. Can I get rid of this in your trainings? Thank you in advance".

Lyubov Shalyuga, doctor, answers:

Hello, Albina!

You asked a very interesting question. In medicine, the habit of hair pulling is called trichotillomania. Moreover, people can pull hair not only on their heads, but also from their eyebrows and even eyelashes. It occurs quite rarely - in about 2% of people, and begins more often before the age of 20 years. The psychological conditionality of this condition is officially recognized, which means its solution lies in eliminating the psychological causes.

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan gives a very clear answer to the question about the nature of conditions of this kind, where nail biting and skin itching are on a par with the habit of uncontrollably pulling the hair on the head.

What these seemingly different conditions have in common is that they are all associated with effects on the skin and its derivatives (hair, nails). Sometimes these symptoms can even accompany each other and they occur only in people who are endowed with the properties of a skin vector from birth.

System-vector psychology distinguishes people according to their innate natural properties that determine our behavior, preferences, thinking, etc. The key element in our differences is which structure of our body is most sensitive to the information entering us. So, for example, in the owner of a skin vector, such a structure is the skin.

That is why stroking the skin, and simply touching it, gives a special, pleasant feeling of pleasure to a person with a skin vector. But beating, blows and slaps on the skin can be very traumatic for his psyche.

How does the habit of hair pulling develop?

It is typical for the owner of the skin vector to relieve stress with rhythmic movements, be it shaking a leg, tapping your fingers on the table, or chaotic movement from side to side - flickering. Stretching, tugging hair is one of the possible options for such movements. Rhythmic movements contribute to relief, restoration of balance, and elimination of mental tension in the skin vector, and hair pulling stimulates the skin - the most sensitive area for the owner of the skin vector. When a person is under stress for a long time, this method of balancing and relieving stress through rhythmic movements becomes automatic. The feeling of pain that occurs in this case, as a rule, is dulled.

If the list of “pedagogical” tools regularly used in childhood to educate the owner of the skin vector included assault, this contributes to the development of another mechanism for relieving stress - through painful effects on the skin. Adapting to the situation of painful impact on the already most susceptible structure of the body, the subconscious of a person with a skin vector builds protective mechanisms. And then pain contributes to the production of endorphins - such an “inverted” reaction.

According to the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, a person lives guided by the principle of pleasure, which he is able to receive by realizing his innate properties. So, for example, for the owner of the skin vector it is very important to be socially higher, richer, faster - in a word, to dominate others. In a state of unfulfilled innate properties, stress, he looks for ways to get pleasure and replenish the missing endorphins in another accessible way. This creates not only the habit of pulling hair, but also biting nails and scratching the skin until it abrasions. That is, through inflicting pain on yourself, you receive the missing endorphins.

Stop pulling your hair - is it possible?

Are you asking if you can get rid of this habit and stop pulling your hair after completing the training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan?

You can. Only for this it is necessary to deeply understand all the unconscious mechanisms of the formation of such states. Go deep into childhood and find the reasons.

I haven’t completed the training yet, I only listened to two introductory lectures. Believe it or not, I stopped picking pimples on my face. It doesn’t last any longer, that’s how strange it is. And there were no new rashes during these two days. I learned a lot during the training

Have you been biting your nails since childhood? Or do you automatically line up bottles on your mother-in-law’s dressing table? Do you keep the wound from healing and keep scratching it? But all these habits are signals from our subconscious.

By learning to recognize their hidden reasons and meanings, you can understand how a person treats himself and others, what he does not want to show to the world, and even what he does not know about himself.

That's why we decided to find out what our bad habits really mean.

The habit of biting nails or school neuroses

There is a whole galaxy of so-called “school” neuroses or neuroses of obsessive movements, usually acquired in childhood - biting nails, caps, pencils, pens.

According to psychologists, the habit of biting nails indicates internal anxiety and unconscious tension. Trying to resolve the internal conflict, the “rodent” transfers it to an external, physical plane - it literally gnaws at itself.

As a rule, this habit is associated with a lack of self-love and low self-esteem. By biting your nails and making your hands disgusting, a person unconsciously punishes himself for not being worthy of love.

From the point of view of psychoanalysis, any elongated oblong object (be it a pen or a finger) is a phallic symbol for our unconscious.

The habit of sucking or biting something like that is an unconscious way of receiving oral pleasure. Perhaps this indicates a significant concentration on erotic pleasures.

The habit of coping with stress through smoking

Psychologists are unanimous in their opinion: talking about physiology is nothing more than an attempt to justify the reluctance to give up a harmful addiction. Smoking is strongly associated with relaxation; it gives the illusion of relaxation and acts as a kind of psychological “painkiller.”

By compensating for the sucking reflex, the smoker experiences the peace and tranquility of the baby sucking at the mother's breast, thereby satisfying the need for love and food.

Many people claim that they smoke to concentrate, believing that smoking helps them concentrate. For some, smoking makes it easier to establish social connections - it’s easier to start a conversation about nothing in a smoking room than in an office corridor.

Whatever the reason behind the emotional dependence on a cigarette, in order to quit smoking, you need to get rid of it by finding other ways to concentrate, relax, or communicate with others.

The habit of uncontrolled eating - overeating

Food addictions are firmly in first place in terms of prevalence, ahead of drug addiction and alcoholism. We eat without tasting or smelling the food until we feel sick and the belt cuts into our sides.

The result is heavy sleep, digestive problems and weight gain, self-loathing and - as in a vicious circle - the return of an uncontrollable desire to eat this hatred.

The reason for most bad habits is the desire for pleasure. Food is its strongest and most accessible source. By overeating, we make up for the lack of positive emotions and dull our reactions to stressful situations.

Many emotional eaters protect themselves from mentally stronger people. In addition, in our subconscious there is a strong connection between food and sex: both are connected with the violation of the boundaries of our body and bring pleasure.

We often try to compensate for the lack of love with sex. And when we feel a lack of love and sex, we compensate for it with food.

Habit of biting lips and cheeks

People who have the habit of biting their lips and cheeks on the inside are well aware of the problem of stomatitis - the appearance of ulcers in the mouth. However, this problem is not the only one.

The mouth is the place through which we receive a huge amount of sensual pleasures associated with taste and eroticism. By unconsciously causing damage to this zone, a person punishes himself for being too internally focused on these pleasures.

Often such an obsessive action also means a desire for independence and autonomy from others. For example, an adult can no longer psychologically live with his parents, but he does not have the opportunity to separate from them.

Habit of cracking fingers

According to doctors, men crack their knuckles more often than women. Crunch lovers claim that this habit helps them relieve tension, relieve stiff joints and relax their hands.

But most often this habit speaks of internal self-doubt.

Fanatical love of order

They bring order wherever they go, no matter how appropriate it is. This habit speaks of a person’s compulsive craving for perfection, which makes it difficult to feel comfortable if suddenly someone puts a glass out of par with the others.

If you constantly tear off labels everywhere (from shampoo packages, jars, bottles) - this also indicates your perfectionism. A clean and smooth surface looks more perfect.

The fixation on the theme of order in psychology is called “accentuation” and even has a Freudian explanation. People who were potty trained in childhood using strict command methods, all their lives cannot stand the slightest disturbance of order, rubbing, cleaning and arranging everything according to a ruler.

This is a character trait, not a disease. However, it is worth taking this into account and not repeating the mistakes of your parents when raising your own children. And also realize that the world is not ideal, and that's okay.

Habit of scratching wounds and pimples

If you are haunted by a pimple that has appeared or a healing wound, and you have a strong desire to pick it out, then most likely you need to take action to restore your inner harmony.

This habit is akin to nail biting and indicates restlessness, anxiety and dissatisfaction. According to research by Finnish psychologists, a person who has such a habit tries to punish himself in a similar way for stupid or obscene thoughts.

This can be perceived as a symbolic reprisal against one’s own aggressiveness. Such actions can be considered as auto-aggression (aggression directed against oneself) in order to attract attention to one’s own person.

Habit of tearing paper

The habit of tearing paper expresses a person’s desire to realize his own aggression directed outward.

In cases where it is impossible to express one’s own anger, irritation, or displeasure directly to the “culprit,” a person chooses socially acceptable options for substitute actions.

Source website

The harmless habit of twisting your hair may be a consequence of various diseases. These are obsessive-compulsive disorders, hair problems, etc.

Causes

The most common reason is habit. A person twirls his hair at a moment of thoughtfulness, awareness of some problem, or prolonged reflection. This simple action helps you concentrate on your thoughts and stop reacting to external stimuli.

Other reasons are presented below.

• The desire to calm down. The sensation of twisting your hair is reminiscent of a soothing pat on the head or a relaxing massage. That's why children of preschool and primary school age can use this relaxation method. Sometimes it’s easier to cope with separation from your mother.
• Fall asleep faster. The baby plays with his hair when he falls asleep. Gradually he falls asleep without the help of his parents. Usually this bad habit is eradicated with age.
• The desire to escape from your problems. As a child gets older, the number of stressful situations increases. The habit of touching hair develops into a compulsive action. A vicious circle is formed: he gets a little nervous - he twirls his hair - he realizes that this is bad - he gets nervous.
• Another reason is a feeling of defenselessness. Being very frightened, the baby decides to pull his hair. He thinks that this will make the situation safer and help get rid of obsessive fear.
• It happens that he begins to pull not only his own hair, but also other people’s. This is how a child often hurts his mother without even realizing it. Sometimes he uses his fingernails, literally tearing out entire clumps of hair. And there is only one explanation for this - he is scared and wants his parent to protect him from everyone.

Symptoms

The compulsive action is so important that the inability to perform it is perceived as a threat to life. The need to constantly pull your hair occurs in stressful situations and is repeated. This may also be a reaction to chronic stress that the child cannot eliminate from his life (parental quarrels, peer bullying, problems at school).

If an uncontrollable action is interrupted, the child will do his best to look for a way to complete it: he will begin to twirl his hair a certain number of times or in some sequence. The baby will do this until he calms down completely.

Consequences

Any neurosis that is not diagnosed and treated in a timely manner significantly harms the child. The psyche at this age (preschool and primary school) is still fully formed, and the nervous system is unstable.

A lot of physical and mental energy is spent on compulsive action and thoughts about it. As a result, obsessive curling of curls in children can lead to the following consequences:

• decreased capabilities of all cognitive processes (memory, attention, thinking);
• the child gets tired quickly and is unable to concentrate on lessons;
• sleep disorders, nightmares;
• lack of contact with other children (he does not play, does not make friends with them, because they can tease him);
• general isolation, lack of contact with adults.

Hair follicles suffer from constant tension. As a result, the hair breaks, becomes dry, lifeless and falls out. In damaged areas, curls may not grow back well for the rest of your life.

The worst thing is if the baby starts pulling out hair on his head.

This occurs when a child begins to twirl their hair around their thumb. This habit can eventually develop into trichotillomania. This is a type of auto-aggression when, in order to calm down, a person pulls out individual hairs or even tufts of hair on the body. In neglected situations, bald patches form. In such a situation it is no longer possible to cope without the help of a psychiatrist.

Self-medication

Helping a child or even an adult on your own is possible. Especially if a girl or teenager suffers from this bad habit.

Some of the simplest but most effective methods are:

• creating beautiful hairstyles;
• braiding;
• beautiful hair curling;
• gentle and neat styling;
• short haircut (if it suits your face), etc.

The girl needs to be explained that pulling her hair is an indicator of her excitement and worry. That this does not always look attractive, and characterizes a person as nervous. It is necessary to delicately and very carefully explain to her that such similar actions make her image one-sided and demonstrate her as a complex, insecure person.

Some doctors advise patients to take up handicrafts. Hands will always be busy, and a person will have no time for curling curls. If the activity is really exciting, then getting rid of the problem will be easy.

Treatment methods

The first step on the path to recovery is a consultation with a psychologist. It helps to find out the reasons for the development of such a habit. It will explain whether it is an addiction or just an alarming symptom.

If it's just a habit, a behavioral approach will do. In psychology, this is one of the methods of behavior management. You need to make sure that curling your hair leads to unpleasant consequences (not to punishment, but to not getting what you want). A short haircut helps, but only with the consent of the child.

If we are talking about compulsive actions or auto-aggression, you need to perform the following steps.

1. Continue working with a psychologist until complete recovery or a significant reduction in the severity of symptoms.
2. Drug treatment can be included.
3. It is important to follow a daily routine. Do certain things on a clear schedule day after day (sleep, eat, walk). This routine is calming, because you know in advance what will happen and when. The nervous system receives a resource to overcome the disease.

Development occurs from a “point of rest,” that is, at a time when there are no shocks in life.

When curling your hair, there is no need to pull it back or make comments. This will push your child away from you and cause him to hide.

Calmly ask what is bothering the child. Try to discuss everything and show another way to calm down. The best thing to do is to hug him and tell him that he is the most wonderful and loved one.

Use your example to show how you can deal with anxiety, anger and irritation constructively. Not by swearing and screaming, but by expressing your emotions in the form of “I” messages. Phrases used in the process:

“I’m upset because...”; “I’m offended because...”; “I’m very glad, because...”, etc. Talk about feelings on your own behalf, meaning the baby’s experiences. The child must understand that he is not alone, he has support.

The most difficult thing in psychotherapy is to find out that parents themselves provoke the formation of stress. You need to be prepared for this, do everything in the interests of the family member.

During the period of therapy, there should be no scandals, major holidays, moves, or changes of schools in the family. Stress, both positive and negative, is detrimental in such situations.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

This technique is effective in relation to both an adult and a child. The goal of cognitive behavioral therapy is to change the patient's negative attitude to a positive one. As a result, he should understand that he can calm down or get out of a state of stress without curling his hair.

• does he feel better from tugging at his curls?
• how he feels when he pulls his hair;
• does this action bring him pleasure, peace and tranquility;
• what will happen if he stops doing this;
• does he understand the consequences of this bad habit, etc.

In addition to an individual conversation, the patient must do homework. The speed of healing depends on the quality of their execution. They mean studying materials about the dangers of pulling hair: watching video lectures, reading specialized literature, communicating with trichologists.

The average duration of treatment is 5-6 sessions. They last 40-60 minutes and take place once a week. If the habit has already reached the stage of mental dependence, then the duration of the course can be 10 lessons.

This technique is not used with children, only with adults. The group usually consists of 10 people who are united either by common symptoms or a common reason for the development of this bad habit.

All participants sit in a circle and begin to share their stories. This is the stage of getting to know each other, the purpose of which is to get all patients to relate to each other in order to build constructive dialogues, because sometimes people with the habit of pulling their hair are antisocial.

Role-playing games may be carried out. The most popular is wish fulfillment if one of the patients starts doing these obsessive actions again.

Lectures are also provided during group classes. Their goal is to show a person that the habit of pulling one’s hair does not bring anything good, and it is better to get rid of it.

Group classes in various types of physical activity are possible: yoga, meditation, aerobics. The conversation participants also attend cultural events and communicate a lot with trichologists.

When communicating with children, such a conversation may not give the expected results, so it is easier to find out the causes and symptoms with the help of art therapy. She means depicting her problem using different types of art:

• drawing;
• theatrical action;
• singing;
• dancing;
• handicrafts, etc.

It is important to choose the activity that your baby loves most. Then he will not feel any tension when communicating with the doctor.

Visual art therapy is commonly used. The psychologist communicates with the baby, and he draws in the process. The doctor asks you to depict what is bothering him. There are no restrictions.

After this, the baby’s creation is evaluated. All lines, strokes, and ornaments are taken into account. Of particular importance is the color scheme, which makes it possible to assess the stage of the disease.

Conclusion

The habit of twirling curls around a finger is more common among young children, but is also common among adults. Treatment is prescribed based on the cause of the disorder. Typically this is cognitive behavioral or group therapy, art therapy, or a behavioral approach.