Incomprehensible relationship with a guy. they are, but they are not! I'm just afraid that somehow he will tell me that he has another

If the word "doomed" seems too tragic for you, let's replace it with "there is no future for this relationship." Obviously, if you and your partner are psychologically incompatible to the point of rage, or sexual harmony is not achieved in any way, then the end of such a relationship is close. But every woman, from personal experience, can give an example when everything could have worked out, but ... And each of these “buts” can be fatal. If at least one of the ten signs listed below is your case, be prepared internally. To experience later not as a tragedy, but as a melodrama.

1. The circumstances of your acquaintance led to this. Seems fair to you or not, but for most men these circumstances matter. If they are romantic, if you aroused in him not only desire, but also respect, if he could honestly and with pleasure tell his children about these circumstances, then this is a big plus for the development of relations. And if, in short, he got you too easily, he most likely will not be able to appreciate you. It may, of course, be that you once met in a bar or on the street and have not parted since. But for this you must be a truly outstanding woman, and he must find in your face what he has always dreamed of. This rarely matches.

2. You are not honest with each other. Not telling the whole truth about yourself is okay. It is not necessary for anyone to know the ins and outs of a person. But when a partner wants to demonstrate only a certain presentational side, keeping silent or hiding everything else, this is at least a reason to be wary. Moreover, the psychology of a person is such that he begins to avoid the one who convicted him of consumer intentions or deceit. And it becomes unimportant to him whether they are ready to forgive him. Although it is clear that if a man, for example, deceived you that he was single, and you forgave him, then part of the blame lies with you.

3. Your partner doesn't take the lead. That is, he does not stop talking about joint plans, but he himself does not offer anything that would indicate the seriousness of his intentions. The masculine principle is active by nature, and if it is not realized in relationships (we don’t take sex into account), then it means that the man does not hurt and needs to be developed. There are, of course, dumb and passive by nature, but then the question is whether this option suits you. Sooner or later, you're going to explode anyway.

4. One of you wants not to know the other, but to manipulate and control him. Unfortunately, this is very common. In this case, gender does not matter. People tend to manipulate each other when given the opportunity. But this should not be the dominant in relationships, when sincerity goes to the back of consciousness, and it becomes impossible to be yourself. Then either a rigid dependence arises, or it must be stopped in the bud. For example, no matter how good the hero of Mickey Rourke was in the movie "9 12 weeks", the relationship did not last longer than this period.

5. You misbehave in his absence. By "wrong" one should understand bad habits and all sorts of addictions that come to the fore in order to create the illusion of filling the void. For example, you have a bad habit of watching a series for hours that does not give you anything while chewing on something high-calorie. Or you smoke like a steam locomotive, chasing thoughts, instead of being distracted and going to the gym. Or, having waited in vain for His call, you go to “break away” with a friend in a bar in order to satisfy your dependence on male attention. Or call your ex... In general, every woman knows when she is acting wrong. This indicates psychological problems, either in your couple or in you personally. Therefore, mark the “alarm bells” in time!

6. Your partner does not share feelings and emotions with you. It happens that people spend time together: they go to restaurants, clubs, movies, and even to sports matches. Together they attend parties and gatherings with friends, in a word - hang out. But after a lapse of time (sometimes a long one), one of them realizes that they never had a heart-to-heart talk and did not reach the level of communication at which people are truly interested in each other and understand each other. And it is at this level that the exchange of feelings takes place. Then common values ​​​​are revealed, and hanging out, you can find out a little late that you have too little in common for happiness.

7. You are invading your partner's privacy. There are many ways to make a man begin to be burdened by this relationship. Starting from a banal move to his living space (most men very quickly find out that they were not ready for this) and ending with emotional blackmail. A normal person needs space, air, a sense of self. And many men cannot stand even a hint that they have been “lassoed” and will now be trained. Unfortunately, forgetting this can be a fatal mistake.

8. You don't match or complement each other. You never know what each of us wants from a relationship! Moreover, there are expectations at different levels: material, social, emotional, spiritual ... There are people so different that it is surprising from the outside why they are together. So they complement each other. They are so similar that they even look like brother and sister. So they match. Ideally, both. But if, for example, you are a quivering and deep nature, and he is emotionally dull and cold, then what kind of harmony and what future of these relationships can we talk about?

9. He doesn't respect women. Sometimes it turns out only in the process of relationships. For example, many are attracted by the image of such a brutal male, and for the time being they don’t think about the fact that this male can put a woman’s personality in nothing, crush and even use violence. There are other examples of disrespect, for example, from chronic losers, those who were unlucky with their upbringing, just those who have “lost their minds” ... But of course, if you understand that he does not respect you personally, there is nothing good from this relationship do not wait.

10. You are not His Woman. And do not think that this is your fault, do not drive on this topic at all! After all, when you understand about someone that this is not your Man, it is unlikely that he is to blame. You just weren't made for each other. It is only in your power to provide the kind of connection that he wants, but cannot experience with someone else. Then at least he will remember you with sadness, but with a smile and gratitude ...

girls, I have such a mess in my head, I don’t even know how to formulate everything ...
in general, I have an absolutely incomprehensible relationship with a guy, we have been dating for a year .. it all started very chaotically, I was in love with him right away, and he seemed to gradually fall in love ... he is such a person, he always thinks first of all with his head, and the heart is the second plan. and he opened up to me completely only after a certain time, when he realized that I was really a worthy girl! and, in general, we became very close people during our relationship ... he is dearest to me, first of all like a person. he is the one to whom I will go with all my problems, he is the same with me. we have one hundred percent trust with him ... he is just still doing business, and as he works, it becomes more and more clear to him who he is a friend, and who is not. and in fact it turned out that he had normal friends ... those with whom he had been friends and fraternized since childhood! and in general life had already presented him with a lot of trials, so in his 20s he just iron man! as he always repeats to me that in his life there are only three truly close people - this is me and his dad and mom.
however, in spite of all this, it is the personal relationship that we have with him that does not work out at all, because sometimes, due to different characters, conflicts arise purely from scratch. and as a result, some time ago, we broke up ... broke up kindly, they remained friends, but I see that nothing has changed in the relationship ... we spend almost 24 hours a day with him. all together, everywhere together. all sorts of tenderness remained, there is sex too. the same control in terms of, if not together, then constant phone calls like “where are you? ..then I decided to start a conversation with him, so what do we have? ... and he told me that “there is as it is, but there is no relationship” ... I began to say that they are not only on in words, but in fact they are, I didn’t get any more answers ... only the phrases “I don’t know ... I don’t want a relationship ... I don’t know, I don’t know.”
and honestly, I’m in a trance. I can’t call it friendly sex, because we have far more than just sex. And I know that if he just wanted sex, he could get it from almost any girl (they themselves hung up), but at the same time he is always with me ... and I don’t know what to do .... or wait until he realizes that there is still a relationship .... otherwise I’m just afraid that one day he will tell me that he has another one there, I will be shocked, and he will tell me: “what kind of relationship we don’t have ... what’s wrong?”
I just can’t completely stop communicating with him, I love him very much, and I say it again, he is such a close person to me that I just can’t imagine my life without him ... I live non-stop only with him, everywhere with him already almost a year, and now I can’t imagine how to turn my life around?
but at the same time, this suspended state does not suit me, although as our relationship shows, no matter what happens, I know that he will still come to me. I know that he is a strong person, but I am his only weakness, but he he doesn’t admit it to himself .... I say again that he is such a person that he lives with his head and with his mind, first of all. And he always told me that he would never lose his head because of a girl ... and I’m afraid that the mind will nevertheless somehow prevail over the heart ... and when this happens, everything will end with us ...
and how can I be???
How should I understand him now in such “relationships”? How should I behave?
I've been terribly sick for a day now....
thanks to everyone who read...

Good afternoon. I am 31 years old. I am in a relationship with a man. At first, everything was built only on sex ... Ironically, I fell in love with him as much as I can ever feel feelings for a man. But ... Everything somehow does not stick with us. It's been a 9 month love triangle. We met on a dating site ... And of course, at first I did not know the intricacies of his personal life (when we met, of course, he said that he was free) ...

I unscrupulously and proactively won, seduced, beat him off ... Well, or whatever else you call it ... In short, I am a radish. I got into a conflict with his girlfriend ... In short, there was a lot of nonsense. And all this captured me so much ... Like an adventure, that I myself, without noticing it, simply lost my mind from feelings. He could see that he was rushing about ... He talked a lot about her. Apparently, he loved her very much. I had a feeling of envy ... That he loves her more, but not me. In short, my position in these relations was as follows: I am a friend and ally in everything. Plus, the maxim of sincerity in relationships + full return in sex. Well, the minimum removal of the brain. This is how I tamed him...

But time passed, and I saw that nothing was changing... And I started to get nervous... I started to say that I didn’t understand why he needed me... Who am I to him and what kind of relationship we have. He said all the time that he himself did not understand and he needed to sort himself out. I told him. It's just that I'm not interested in sex. I want stability and peace... And most importantly, I want to understand. That I am loved and appreciated. In general, I started talking to him a lot on this topic ... A couple of weeks ago, he moved away from me very much ... I was terribly worried, but did not show initiative. It used to. That all day long they could not even call up or correspond ... I have been waiting for something for several days ...

But then she still wrote to him ... That if he continues to behave like this, he will lose me. T.K. I can’t do everything myself without seeing the return. His ex has been begging for 9 months and asking him to come back... She apparently loves him very much... But he is not sure of my feelings. I'm terribly nervous ... I'm throwing, then I want to listen to him ... On the contrary, I say - so that I don't hear about her anymore ... Like, experience it alone. But it's also impossible. I want him to open my soul, but I don’t even know how to do it. After the situation with the removal, a dramatic change took place in him ... He confessed to me that fear suddenly visited him in his soul. That he would lose me... He also felt jealousy and that he would not let me go so easily and would not give me up to anyone... And that I was very dear to him. This is the first time I've been told this...

To be honest, I even experienced a shock - he said it so passionately and sincerely that even tears welled up in my eyes. I only then saw for the first time how hot a person can be in emotions ... He said that he wants to be loved to the point of madness ... So that only he and no one else ... He said. That he suddenly understood it all.

Before that, everything was very carefully and no extra words. In physical contact, of course, I understood ... We spend a lot of time together. BUT! I see that even approaching me, he cannot forget the former (((I can’t understand what is so magical about her ... I compare myself with her ... I constantly get along on her pages on social networks ... I have I even have a subconscious desire to see her... I can't stop thinking about how he lived with her, how he had sex with her... In 8 months, I think you can forget and stop loving a person... I asked him why he won't let her go... He says that it's very difficult for him to part with people... And that he still won't understand. Did he do the right thing. That he left her (he left like a coward - his words)... And the fact that she is still trying to get him back and is ready to do anything to have him with her - it worries me a lot. Thoughts in my head - suddenly I don’t love him so much ... And he sees this and compares ... Suddenly I unworthy ... With him, my self-esteem fell. I'm on my nerves all the time ...

BUT! I don't even want to consider breaking up with him! This is the lot of weaklings - a little something - into the bushes. I'm not a woman - a conqueror ... But I so ardently want to be in a relationship with this man. Questions to the psychologist - is it already a dependent relationship? Is there a possibility that I am interested in this relationship, as long as this man is not completely mine? What are the prospects in other such similar respects? Is it a neurotic relationship? Where does this possessive desire come from so that he is only mine and that's it? Why not let him take care of himself? Is it fear?

He often asks me the question - what specifically does not suit me? I tell him I'm not satisfied that being with me you love another woman. I really don’t want to accept the fact that a man can be with me only out of hopelessness, because he is comfortable with me ... But this is not love. He loves philosophy very much... And he loves to reflect on the topic of sincerity and unity of souls... Sometimes I tell him - how can I open my soul and unite with yours if there is fear inside that you will turn around and leave one day... To her ... He says - look at yourself, how you can get away from you ... What this means is not clear to me.

We are 18 years old.
A year ago, I was still in school. There I met him. For the first time, we had a very good conversation with each other, then (a week later) we communicated without barriers through a social network. There were no hints of sympathy and any relationship.
He disappeared from my life for a month or two, but at random meetings he showed attention, which, of course, I noticed, but did not take seriously, since this happened very rarely.
This continued until graduation. Then we started talking again. As friends. One day I found out that he was dating one girl for a month, which aroused in me a burning feeling of jealousy (this was not put on display). On the same day, he broke up with her, and by the evening he again showed signs of attention to me. Later, he will explain that thanks to her, he realized that he needed me. A week passed. Prom. Again his attention. Later, to my question, “something is happening,” he answers via SMS: “Everything can be, behave as you think is best”
So the summer passed. Corresponded. We talked about life, but never about the future. They entered one university. In another area.
He never wanted to meet, only texted. We only met a couple of times. At one point, she could not stand it, she wrote "Do you need me?" answered "no". Silence. A week has passed. We agreed to just be friends.
Everything changes abruptly. He writes that he needs help with his studies. Then he invites him over for the night. For a romantic evening. I agree. For the next two weeks until this day, he writes to me constantly, inquiring about all the details of my day.
That evening is going great. Nothing serious, just kisses. His confession is not in love, but rather in sympathy. In the morning I went home in a great mood.
But further - silence. No, everything is fine, according to him, he just does not have time. it goes on like this for two weeks. I can not stand it, I say that a pause is needed. We are just texting again. He confirms that everything was in vain, because at the moment he is not capable of a relationship. In parallel, he says that he misses a romantic evening like that. Now he is just texting me again. The difference is that the first one is written only by me. Although he willingly answers. 1.5 months have passed
I still don't understand the reason for his behavior. I don't know if I can hope for a normal relationship. I know that he has a life crisis (he lost the meaning of his life, etc. - we talked about this). And I'm afraid that if I stop writing to him (I try not to be intrusive), he will simply disappear from my life. But I need him. I fell in love. Why did he act like this and is doing it now? Do we have a future? And what should I do in this situation?