Essay on the topic of the ideal parent. About real and ideal parents

Ideal Parents… This topic affects everyone and everyone, because each of us is someone's parent and each of us is someone's child. When children are small, parents are the height of perfection for them, they accept the ideals and values, norms of morality and behavior of their parents. With age, there is a change of significant persons, a restructuring of relationships with adults. The older the child, the more critical his attitude towards his parents.

We all want to be good parents, and sometimes even perfect. But you can be perfect, probably, only in ideal conditions. Fortunately, our time is such that most parents consciously and deliberately relate to the birth of a child, and most importantly, they understand that feeding, shoes and buying a lot of toys is not all. You should help the future person gain confidence and strength, understand what he wants, teach him how to build relationships and achieve goals. Without this, in a changeable competitive world today you will not achieve success and happiness.

The first characteristic is love and acceptance of the child as he is, regardless of his success, features, compliance with our expectations and ideas about "how I want to see my son or daughter." Acceptance is the foundation of a constructive relationship with a child. It is important that these relationships are real, as the child feels any falseness. If parents, the closest, most significant, authoritative people, are not ready to give us unconditional love, then what can we expect from other people? Only parents are able to love a child, regardless of whether he is thin or fat, intellectually gifted or slow-witted, hyperactive or unhurried, beautiful or not very.

The second, no less important characteristic is help in understanding the world, marking the boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Here the task of parents is to explain "what is good and what is bad." Parents are precisely those people who are the first to show the child the norms and boundaries of what is permitted and forbidden, acceptable and unacceptable. The designation of boundaries helps the child to structure the picture of the world, to navigate in it. A child who does not know the rules and norms is lost from uncertainty, feels abandoned, does not feel comfortable and safe, and then he begins to set the line of what is permissible and permissible. Most often this leads to violations of behavior, difficulties in accepting any framework, rules and standards. Here, firstly, it is important to weigh the principle and importance of prohibitions, secondly, to determine the form in which restrictions and prohibitions are set, thirdly, punishment and condemnation of the act, and not the person as a whole, follows.

The third characteristic of ideal parents is consistency and consistency in actions, prohibitions and permissions. Of fundamental importance for the upbringing of any child is the sequence of actions, sanctions, rewards and punishments. The trouble is, if our mood affects the fact that today we allowed the child something that was forbidden yesterday, because our mood has changed. The second trouble is connected with the inconsistency of the words and actions of adults with whom the child communicates. Disagreements between adults about the upbringing of a child are common, but it is worth remembering that the child should not know about these disagreements.

The fourth characteristic of ideal parents is the ability to hear and understand the child. The ability to hear and understand a child, build a constructive relationship with him can be learned. A person is not born into the world as a professional in any field, including in the profession of a parent. Remember that the child does not have to be the way you want him to be. He must grow by himself. Balance will come with age, memory and attention can be developed, social skills can be learned, but disruptions in the emotional sphere, the basis of which is often the rejection by parents of certain traits of a son or daughter, inadequate reactions to a child’s behavior are very difficult to correct, affecting the child’s life in a variety of areas.

Growing up with the child, given that children and adolescents at different stages of development face different tasks - this is how the fifth quality of ideal parents can be formulated. Many parents say that at certain stages of the child's development, communication with him was a pleasure, there were no difficulties, and some stages were especially difficult. For some, it was best to deal with a baby, someone survived the age of “why” (4-5 years) with delight, and someone manages to find harmony with a teenager or become a friend to a young man or girl.

The reason for this lies in our individual characteristics. But truly good parents grow and change with the child, providing him with as much freedom and care as is necessary at a given period of development. At each stage of its development, the child solves the so-called "problems of age", mastering his body, acquiring self-care skills, acquiring knowledge and training intellectual processes, building relationships with peers, adults and younger children. Our adult task is to “accompany”, to be near, first physically, and then rationally and emotionally, confirming our readiness for dialogue and support, but without living the child’s life instead of him and without invading the living space in which he must learn to decide for himself. tasks and meet your needs.

Appreciate and respect your uniqueness, freedom and development - the next characteristic of ideal parents. To accept the fact that the child is not a part of us, but an independent being, having the right, opportunities and abilities to make decisions and make choices, can only those parents who value their freedom and value their independence.

In early childhood, the parent is the highest authority, judge and model. But it is already more important for a teenager to find his place among his peers, and then other close people will appear in the child's life. We must also be prepared for the fact that another man or another woman will come, with whom our child will share joys and sorrows.

Sacrificing your life to a child sooner or later turns into difficulties for both parties, or at least for one of them. Undivided attention to the child, the need and demand for participation in all his affairs, the rejection of his personal life or career turn into internal tension, mutual dissatisfaction, even conflicts. The more interesting, significant, emotionally and intellectually rich our life becomes, the more interesting and significant people we will remain for our child when he grows up and becomes our true friend. Remember that your life does not end with the birth of a baby and can continue not only in him. We can respect, appreciate and accept the uniqueness of the personality of our child only when we ourselves value, respect and accept our own uniqueness and freedom.

In our everyday life, it turns out to be difficult to follow these simple commandments and it is difficult to meet the high-profile standard - the "ideal parent". And yet it is necessary, because what is at stake is the fate of not abstract, but real, our one and only children. Let our relationship with them be harmonious and let your children proudly say to others: “My parents are perfect!”

You can get information on the issue of interest by sending an e-mail message [email protected]

As the famous saying goes, parents are not chosen, although there is another point of view, which has not yet been experimentally proven. Since you can’t choose, you need to look for a common language, learn mutual understanding, but children come to realize this at best when they become adults. And first they want to have ideal parents- wise, kind, cheerful, loving.

The problem is that everyone has their own ideal: even in the same family, children can have a completely different character, which means they have a different idea of ​​\u200b\u200bwhat the best mom and dad in the world should be. But is there something in common? Let's try to "draw" a portrait of such parents together and see if each of us matches it ...

Ideal parents understand their children

For many people, a dream to be understood remains only a dream. It's sad, but it's true. Dads and mothers often have high expectations towards children, largely due to their own complexes and unfulfilled desires. If children do not justify them, experiences, criticism, and sometimes rudeness, humiliation begin.

For example, parents dream that a future doctor will grow up in the family. This means, "stop doing stupid things - get down to business, learn biology and chemistry."

Some adults consider it their duty to break into the personal space of the child, to the point of unceremoniously throwing out or shifting his things. They criticize for the first timid attempts to write or construct something. At the same time, they sincerely believe that they motivate the child to achieve more.

In fact, understanding lies in the ability to “turn off” the critic in oneself and take the position of a child. Then it will become clear what he feels and experiences, which is of great importance to him. And express your point of view only after the child understands that he was heard, treated with respect.

Ideal parents love their children

The word love in relation to children does not mean only external manifestations of tenderness. A survey about ideal parents, conducted in the 10th grade of high school, showed that high school students understand that parental love is manifested both in severity, and in fears, and in the desire to help in difficult times.

Today life is such that it is difficult, almost impossible, to live alone. The parental home should become a place where a person in any situation feels protected, needed, valuable. Therefore, it is necessary to tell children how dear they are, to delve into their interests, to unobtrusively advise something, to show their indifference, to forgive mistakes, without turning everyday quarrels into conflicts that are then difficult to overcome.

Loving your children means understanding their difficulties, going through life side by side without filling all the space around you, respecting their unique personalities.

Ideal parents can change

According to many children, they should be able to be different, because life is multifaceted, and they have to fulfill many “roles”: to be mentors, friends, assistants, teachers for their children. This is important, because the didactic tone quickly becomes boring and loses its effectiveness: children simply stop perceiving it.

And another quality that many children would like to see in their moms and dads is the willingness to spend more time together.

If you think about it, you can name a lot more that should be inherent in us, parents, but this, according to children, is the most valuable. For trying to become like that, they will forgive us a lot: boring conversations about work, and rebukes for bad grades, and our own "adult" mistakes. They will also try to understand us, because they love us and because ideal parents make children become ideal too!

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Ideal parent: What is he like?

A person is arranged in such a way that he cannot but be concerned about the thought of how others treat him, what they think of him. We constantly interact with each other: at work, at home, with strangers, therefore, we are not indifferent to how our words and deeds are evaluated.

And we parents are no exception. The ideal parent... What is he like? What kind of parents do they think we are? We addressed these questions to the children of our school, went to websites where family relationships are discussed, asked the students of our school to write essays about their parents. This material formed the basis of the parent meeting.

The problem of “fathers and sons” has always worried the minds of people. Why is it sometimes more difficult to find a common language with your own child than with a stranger? Each new generation is trying to find its own answer to this question, its own way, not like the one that was before it. At the same time, new values, new views, new priorities arise.

It is proud that it is a generation of advanced ideas, gets used to them, they become the basis of the worldview of our children. This is how the guys answered the question: “Why is it sometimes difficult for parents and children to understand each other?”: “The difference in age, tastes, worldview interferes”, “It is not easy for parents to understand modern children”, “Too different understanding of the real world”.

Yes, this problem is as old as the world. But today it is sharper than ever. Why? We see that our children, denying the values ​​to which we are accustomed and consider them immutable, not only do not listen to our opinion, but also cease to respect us, to reckon with us. And respect, honoring parents has always been a law, something holy and indisputable, despite all the disagreements. In this regard, I would like to give examples of the answers of the guys .

So, why is it sometimes difficult for parents and children to understand each other?

“They don’t agree, parents consider themselves more experienced and smarter”

“Because they have different views on the same problem and ways to solve it”

“Because children, especially teenagers, want freedom in all respects, while parents want to take care of their children in everything”

“Because we are from different generations, what is clear to us is not clear to them”

“Parents and children have different ideologies, that’s why they conflict”

“Children are hindered by the youthful maximalism present in every teenager”

“Because we are brought up in the 21st century, and parents are used to the old fashioned way”

“We are similar in character, but we live in different times”

“Parents judge us by their time, and we begin to prove to them that this is old-fashioned”

“Parents have lived and know more than children, children try to prove their own and are often wrong”

On one of the sites (teacher of Russian language and literature Tatyana Anatolyevna Denisova.) I found the thoughts of the guys about why conflicts arise between parents and children and how to avoid them.

Sveta, 11th grade:"Fathers and sons" - the problem of relations between parents and children is as old as the world. I think that it is always necessary to find contact with parents, because they are the closest, dearest people. Everything that is sacred for a person is passed on to him by his parents…” – 62.5% of the children surveyed in our school think the same way.

Yanina, 9th grade:"In our time, there is a great lack of communication between close people. Often, communication difficulties arise in those families in which one of the parents works far from home and is forced to live separately from the family. But sometimes parents, although they live at home, go to work when the children have not woken up, but come back when they are already asleep... Of course, there are days off and holidays... But if you do not see your family for the whole week, it is impossible to catch up over the weekend...

Natasha, 9th grade"Our parents and we were brought up at completely different times, maybe that's why many conflicts arise in the family. It seems to me that in most cases the children are to blame. Of course, if you go ahead in battle, you can only achieve misunderstanding. But sometimes it happens, that you are trying to explain something to your parents, but they don’t even try to understand you and firmly stand their ground. Of course, parents have the right to forbid you or refuse something, but they should not go too far with the child’s patience ... "- the same thought can be traced in the answers and our children. (48.3%).

Maxim 11 cells:"Ever since I can remember, I hear from my parents:" We want you only good, only good. "Then why are they trying to infringe on me in everything? Or does it just seem to me? Yes, maybe my friends are not perfect, but after all, both children and adults have shortcomings! Actually, I understand that living with parents in peace and harmony is not so difficult. How many times have I been convinced of this! However, no matter how good it is, everything grievances and resentments also happen.And while we are children, and we will be them, while we live with our parents, there will be conflicts for the reason that parents have already made their mistakes, and we, in their opinion, are simply obliged to learn from them and not make your mistaken moves."

Andrey, 10th grade:"Talking about learning and behavior is the most frequent conversation with children in a family. But if all communication between parents and children comes down to control and supervision, it can do little to educate a person ... In social studies lessons, we studied that rudeness, intolerance ", the desire to do the opposite - most often this is just a kind of protection for adolescents from adult encroachment on their personality. I agree with this, as well as with the fact that this is a sign of the wrong attitude of parents towards their maturing son or daughter. "

Nelly 9 grade"For example, a teenager asks his parents to go to a disco, and they start saying:" In my time, I went to dances from the age of 18, etc. "This song sounds in almost every home. It's just that parents have outdated views on life"

Danil 11 cl.“You can’t blame children for all conflicts. There is such a reason for quarrels - parental vanity: they often reproach us for not being as good as they would like to see us ...”.

Ivan grade 10"Conflicts between parents and children are inevitable. Take, for example, school, because of which I often have skirmishes with my parents, as they simply do not understand how difficult it is for me when they give a lot of lessons, and I stay up late trying to understand, for example, a problem in physics... Whatever parents they may be, they will still remain parents, and without them, we, children, will hardly be able to live on our own in the near future, because they are what no, but still our support and hope in life.

Svetlana grade 9"The best way to avoid conflict is to silently listen to the opinion of the parents."

Stepan 10 cells“I believe that it is impossible to completely avoid conflicts between adolescents and adults, but it is possible to significantly downplay the tension on this“ battlefield ”it is possible. Our“ recklessness ”usually confuses parents.

For example, this afternoon I was going to go out for a walk, and just put on my favorite T-shirt, as my mother says, so that I take it off and put on a warm jacket. And here, it would seem, from scratch, a serious battle flares up, often turning into a barely restrained cry. I go for a walk in a T-shirt, pleased with my victory. Before going to bed, as always, I restore the chronology of the day and write down the events in my diary. And suddenly I realize that in fact the conflict was absolutely trifling: it was cold on the street, and I was wrong. I did not benefit from a quarrel, my mother did not talk for half an evening, I had to ask for forgiveness. I decide not to do this in the future and solemnly swear this to myself ..

But there are conflicts that are really important: the choice of friends, places of study, professions, etc. Here the chances of expressing the only correct point of view are equalized and it is necessary to carefully listen to each other and decide who is right, to find a compromise.

I recall the amazing phrase of Mark Twain: "When I was 16 years old, it seemed to me that my father was a complete fool, when I was 20 years old, I began to think how this fool had grown wiser in a short time, and when I was 30 years old, I realized what a complete fool I was at 16 and 20 years old."

Ideal parents ... This topic affects everyone and everyone, because each of us is someone's parent and each of us is someone's child. When children are small, parents are the height of perfection for them, they accept the ideals and values, norms of morality and behavior of their parents. With age, there is a change of significant persons, a restructuring of relationships with adults. The older the child, the more critical his attitude towards his parents.

We, parents, sometimes impose excessively high demands on children: children must unquestioningly obey and fulfill the requirements of their parents, why does he (she) deceive me? Is it really that hard to study well? Whatever you ask to do, they will surely forget. And we forget that this applies to almost ideal children. Have we ourselves never forgotten anything, never deceived, always studied well?

Children when answering the question: Which parent can be considered ideal? showed great forbearance. This is how they imagine the ideal parent.

What is the ideal parent like?

9th grade

“Who can listen, understand and accept”

"Kind, understanding, not setting strict prohibitions, able to listen"

"Good, not forbidding anything not hazardous to health"

"Calm but demanding, kind but strict"

“Kind, sensitive, sympathetic, smart, he will never betray, he is always there”

"Loving his children and his family"

"who understand you"

“This is the one who will let you make a mistake and then give advice to experience this mistake for yourself and not repeat it again.”

“Who doesn’t swear and doesn’t force you to do homework”

“Ideal parents are my parents, they are the best!!!”

« The ideal parent is a mentor who helps in everything »

“Kind, fair, there is strictness in him, he will always advise and help”

“Kind, strict, a little cheerful, knows the moment when to stop”

"With a sense of humor"

“Very kind, to let him go for a walk every day and not scream because of any nonsense”

“I can’t imagine it (but mine are still the best in the world)”

“The ideal parent is when he takes care of children, plays, goes for a walk, Buys sweets. And when it doesn't swear"

“Allows not to do homework and watch TV as much as you like, every day he buys cakes”

11 B A lot of answers: kind, caring, good listener

" My parents. I love them no matter what!”

"Who managed to raise a child so well that it is not difficult for him to live in the modern world"

"Kind, caring, able to listen, help"

"Moderately demanding, attentive, forgiving everything"

“Parents are not chosen, the ideal one whom God has given”

“Kind, loving, helping in any situation, these are my mom and dad”

"Kind, strict in moderation, modern"

“If he can replace his best friend, understand and help, I will be happy”

"My mom is my ideal"

And here is what the guys wrote in their essays about their relationship with the closest people - parents:

Angela, 16 years old:“Of course, I don’t complain about my own, but my parents are still far from ideal. Firstly, I believe that ideal parents should be people who in no case behave in such a way that the slightest disagreement between them and the child develops into scandals (it happens in my family). Secondly, I believe that parents are simply obliged to consult with their children when issues regarding the children themselves are resolved (it happens that parents decide for me).

Victor 17 years old: My parents are almost perfect. I can always turn to them with any question, we often discuss current events with them, we have almost complete mutual understanding. They don’t force me to do anything, I always have a choice, the only thing I don’t like is that they allow themselves to open letters that come to me, read my notes without asking, try to control my leisure.

Olga, 14 years old: Loving, understanding, caring - this is what an ideal parent should be. I have an example in my life: this is my aunt. She always speaks and argues with me on an equal footing. She understands me perfectly, and we can talk with her on any topic. She loves her children, her husband, all her relatives. She has an open soul, and now there is almost none of that. People have become closed, they love only themselves, but there are no others.

Judging by the answers, not so much children need from their parents. Like any person: understanding, kindness, attention, sensitivity, the ability to accept as it is and forgive. And next to this is what parents want so much: strictness, advice, upbringing.

Of course, we want them (our children) to take only the best from us. Yes, we are all not perfect. Probably, everyone has a time of sadness, periods of doing nothing or irritability that is even disgusting to himself. This is fine. To be not an ideal and a superhero from the cover, but a living person. I think our children want to see us like this

We also asked the guys: What, in their opinion, most irritates parents in children?

35.5% of the children surveyed believe that stubbornness irritates parents most of all in children, 32.9% - failure to comply with instructions and requests from parents. 87.6% of children are sure that nothing irritates parents so much as disputes on any issue and disobedience, 76.5% - poor school performance. 28.4% see the cause of quarrels in the fact that children, according to their parents, do not think about their future. The difficult nature of children is a frequent cause for conflicts, according to 23.1% of the children who participated in the survey.

We were interested to know the opinion of children on how they should be brought up.

36.8% answered - by personal example of parents, 31.1% - by advice. Using the carrot and stick method - 18.4%, 13.7% believe that the best thing is to provide a certain freedom with subsequent responsibility for actions.

Most of the time, we give advice to our children ourselves. The teacher Vsevolod Petrovich Kashchenko, however, believed that only he can become a good teacher who tirelessly educates himself.

Here are some of his tips:

Being a parent means going through a great school of patience.

Children should be for us, first of all, not potential athletes, musicians or intellectuals - they should be just children.

If we love them, regardless of whether they behave badly or well, then children will sooner get rid of habits and antics that irritate us.

If we do not learn to rejoice in children's successes, they will increasingly feel their incompetence, they will become convinced that it is useless to try - demanding parents always need more than the child can.

What matters is not the amount of time spent with the child, but the quality of communication.

The last question of the questionnaire: Do you want to be like your parents?

The vast majority of children answered that they would like to be like their parents – 72,9 % (I want to be like my mother, I admire my parents: they are smart, beautiful, successful people, my mother is far away, but she is always aware of my affairs), 14.8% - believe that each person is individual, and you need to be yourself. 12.3% would not want to be like their parents.

What is the best way to build relationships with the people we love the most? How to achieve the respect of our children, despite all the difference in worldviews and views?

The Holy Scripture says: "Educate a child in his way." This means that it is necessary to seek contacts with him, to influence him through his own interests. If we understand the needs and desires of children, the questions that torment them, and start at least trying to find answers to them together with them, then our problems will be solved by themselves.

Today, dear parents, we looked into the hearts and thoughts of our children, found out what they think of us, how they want to see us. However, how difficult it is in our daily life to follow these simple commandments, how difficult it is to meet the high-profile standard - the "ideal parent"!

And yet it is necessary, because what is at stake is the fate of not abstract, but real, our one and only children. Let our relationship with them be harmonious and let our children proudly say to others: “My parents are perfect!”

What is the ideal family? What is the family of the 21st century? What can she become? What it represents today from the point of view of children and parents, whether the opinions of children and adults coincide in assessing the current family situation - I would like to understand this and many other things.

To the question "Who are ideal parents?" responded by ninth graders. 220 children participated in the survey. Here are the poll results.

Ideal Parents:

They understand their children - 190 students answered;

They love their children - 210 students answered;

They help to solve problems – 180 students answered;

They don't shout at their children - 219 students answered;

Ready to always listen and support their children - 183 students gave the answer;

Do not read notations - 210 students put this item in first place;

They do not drink - such an item was considered significant in the existence of the family and 118 students were put in the first place.

The students were also asked what prohibitions do their parents have in communicating with you? Here is how the 68 guys who participated in the survey answered:

No smoking - 40 students

Do not come late - 32 students

Do not constantly call friends on the phone - 48 students

Do not bring friends home - 39 students

Do not spend the night with friends - 41 students

Do not hang around idly at home - 50 students

Do not communicate with those guys who do not like parents - 54 students

Do not be rude to adults-26 students.

I believe that ideal parents are kind, affectionate and loving parents, firstly, each other, and secondly, their child. They understand their child well, give him freedom of choice, but at the same time make sure that he does not get into some kind of bad story, they are aware of all the events and facts taking place in the life of their child. Ideal parents love and accept their child for who he is, regardless of his success and characteristics. Acceptance is the foundation of a constructive relationship with a child. It is important that these relationships are real, as the child feels any falseness. If parents, the closest, most significant, authoritative people, are not ready to give their child unconditional love, then what can you expect from other people? Only parents are able to love a child, regardless of whether he is thin or fat, intellectually gifted or slow-witted, hyperactive or unhurried, beautiful or not very. Ideal parents should help their children understand the world, mark the boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Here the task of parents is to explain "what is good and what is bad." Parents are precisely those people who are the first to show the child the norms and boundaries of what is permitted and forbidden, acceptable and unacceptable. The designation of boundaries helps the child to structure the picture of the world, to navigate in it. A child who does not know the rules and norms is lost from uncertainty, feels abandoned, does not feel comfortable and safe, and then he himself begins to set the line of what is permissible and permissible. Most often this leads to violations of behavior, difficulties in accepting any framework, rules and standards. Ideal parents should never use corporal punishment, instead they should talk to the child, understand his feelings, evaluate his behavior and give the necessary advice on how to act correctly in this or that situation. Parents should not quarrel and sort things out in front of their children, because any rude word spoken to another can hurt the child. In a family where there is no consent, good does not happen. In family life, one must reckon with the thoughts, beliefs, feelings, aspirations of a loved one. Therefore, it is necessary, in my opinion, that there should always be agreement and mutual understanding between parents, so that there is a unity of views. The golden rule of intra-family relationships is patience and indulgence.

The next question is: “What should a child with whom there are no problems be like in a family?” – was addressed to parents of students of different grades.

The ideal child is a child who:

- obeys his parents in everything;

- performs everything that is assigned to him at school and at home;

- helps older brothers and sisters, adults, does not offend the younger ones;

- is able to take responsibility for his actions;

- independent and active;

- has friends and values ​​them;

- in any situation always tells the truth;

- cherishes his family, treats his parents with care;

- has his own duties in the house and responsibly treats them;

- knows the material possibilities of the family and tries to adhere to them;

- knows how and wants to work, from early childhood determines what he wants to achieve in life.

Parents quite seriously approached the problem of determining the personality traits of an ideal child, they were happy to select the qualities that could characterize such a child, and then noted that this work helped to think about the question: what is there in my own portrait of an ideal child? What is not too late to do to radically change the situation associated with raising your own child?

This study showed that often what is significant for adults in the upbringing of their children is completely irrelevant in the understanding of the child himself. All this leads to the fact that adults and children cannot understand each other in any way, and this affects their relationships and the real results of education. One of the main problems raised by the children in the study is the problem of mutual understanding. Both children and adults need to be not only listened to, but heard; not only accepted, but also supported and helped. Communicating with students of different ages, one conclusion can be drawn: before making demands on their child, parents must make demands on themselves in order to become a true and immutable example for their children.

I also believe that everything that parents demand from their children, first of all, should be done by themselves:

• if parents demand from the child that he read a lot and with pleasure, they themselves should read a lot and with pleasure, despite the lack of time;
• if parents demand that the child not lie, they do not lie to themselves, or to others, or to their own child;
• if parents require the child to show industriousness, they themselves show it and create conditions for the formation of the child's ability to work;
• if parents want their child not to steal, they themselves should not create such situations in their family;
• if parents want their child not to become addicted to alcoholic beverages from early childhood, they themselves should not create a cult of alcoholic beverages in their family, even celebrating children's holidays with alcohol;
• if parents want their child to treat grandparents with care and respect, they start with themselves and treat their parents with respect and care.
• if parents want their child not to suffer from loneliness, they give him the opportunity to have friends, bring them to his house, which is possible only if the parents themselves have real friends, and the child meets them in his house;
• if parents want the child not to be prejudiced about school and learning, they themselves remember school days with pleasure and with the warmest feelings.

I am convinced that only a good example of a father and mother can give good shoots. Ideal parents are always calm, smart, caring, understanding, knowing when to say “no” or not, never raising their voices at their children and not getting angry at them (because they understand everything). “It’s bad if there is no one to take care of you. It’s even worse if you don’t have anyone to take care of, ”wrote the Polish poet Lets S.E. Ideal parents can calmly tell the child 12 times in a row to go and wash their hands, and if after that the child still doesn’t go and wash, then the parent very, very calmly, kindly talks with the child about the need to wash hands. They do not blackmail the child with sweets, buying gifts. They are above it. Such parents always do what they promised, even if they are tired or reluctant, they always have the opportunity to devote time to their child. I believe that keeping the given word is a very important quality for a person. If you can't keep your word, then don't give it. Ideal parents do not spoil their children and know the answers to all the difficult questions that arise in raising a child. “Children are immediately and naturally mastered with happiness, for by their very nature they themselves are joy and happiness.” (Hugo W.)

There is also such a characteristic of ideal parents as consistency and consistency in actions, prohibitions and permissions. Of fundamental importance for the upbringing of any child is the sequence of actions, sanctions, rewards and punishments. The trouble is if the mood of the parents affects the fact that today they allowed the child something that was forbidden yesterday, because their mood has changed. The second trouble is connected with the inconsistency of the words and actions of adults with whom the child communicates. Disagreements between adults about the upbringing of a child are common, but it is worth remembering that the child should not know about these disagreements.

Ideal parents should be able to listen and understand the child. You should learn not just to listen, but to hear your child, penetrating into his feelings and experiences. It is necessary to be able to convey to the child their requirements, wishes and suggestions. The ability to hear and understand a child, build a constructive relationship with him can be learned. A person is not born into the world as a professional in any field, including in the profession of a parent. Balance will come with age, memory and attention can be developed, social skills can be learned, but disruptions in the emotional sphere, the basis of which is often the rejection by parents of certain traits of a son or daughter, inadequate reactions to a child’s behavior are very difficult to correct, affecting the child’s life in a variety of areas. I believe that it is very important for parents to celebrate any success of the child, even if it is minimal.

Growing up with the child, given that children and adolescents at different stages of development face different tasks, so necessary for ideal parents. Many parents say that at certain stages of the child's development, communication with him was a pleasure, there were no difficulties, and some stages were especially difficult. It was best for someone to deal with a baby, someone survived the age of “why” (4-5 years) with delight, and someone manages to find harmony with a teenager or become a friend to a boy or girl. The reason here lies in individual characteristics . But truly good parents, I think, grow and change with the child, giving him as much freedom and care as is necessary at any given period of development. At each stage of its development, the child solves the so-called "problems of age", mastering his body, acquiring self-care skills, acquiring knowledge and training intellectual processes, building relationships with peers, adults and younger children. The task of parents is to “accompany”, to be near, first physically, and then rationally and emotionally, confirming their readiness for dialogue and support, but not living the life of the child instead of him and not invading the living space in which he must learn to solve problems himself and satisfy your needs.
Appreciate and respect your uniqueness, freedom and development - the next characteristic of ideal parents. To accept the fact that the child is not a part of us, but an independent being, having the right, opportunities and abilities to make decisions and make choices, can only those parents who value their freedom and value their independence. In early childhood, the parent is the highest authority, judge and model. Some parents want their child to be an exact copy of them. I think that this is unacceptable, because every person is an individual, a separate person, not like any other person on earth. It is already more important for a teenager to find his place among his peers, and then other close people will appear in the child's life. We must also be prepared for the fact that another man or another woman will come, with whom our child will share joys and sorrows. Sacrificing your life to a child sooner or later turns into difficulties for both parties, or at least for one of them. Undivided attention to the child, the need and demand for participation in all his affairs, the rejection of his personal life or career turn into internal tension, mutual dissatisfaction, even conflicts. I believe that the more interesting, significant, emotionally and intellectually rich the life of parents becomes, the more interesting and significant people they will remain for their child when he grows up and becomes our true friend. Parents can respect, appreciate and accept the uniqueness of their child's personality only when they themselves value, respect and accept their own uniqueness and freedom.

That's how many qualities it takes to be the perfect parent. And all of them should be used in life in order to raise their unique children.

Essay on the topic “My ideas about ideal parents and an ideal family” updated: May 22, 2018 by: Scientific Articles.Ru

In the minds of many people, there is a myth about the "ideal parent", about how he should raise his children, what he should and should not do at the same time. In this article, I set myself the task of dispelling this myth and explaining why such "ideality" in education does not bring anything good, is very harmful for children, and how it all affects the authority of parents.

Imagine two ideal parents. They do everything for their child: they devote a lot of time to their child, invest in him all their strength, money, they try to be an example for him in everything and save him from the hardships of life, yield to him, do not punish, wish the best for him , sometimes unrealized in life by them ... It is this picture that arises before the eyes of many non-ideal parents, which they would like to achieve in education. Sometimes such ideality is imposed on them by parents, friends, colleagues, other families with children ... And parents, by all means, begin to put an "experiment" on their family and decide to become ideal, because it is so "correct". Then everything begins to develop according to two opposite (and, sometimes, somewhat similar scenarios):

1. The ideality of parents brings up in the child such a quality as perfectionism, which they carry through the rest of their lives. Such children, as a rule, set high standards for themselves in many areas of their lives and try to live up to it. There is an undoubted plus in this - to achieve more in life, set goals and realize them, study well, be an example for future children in your family, etc. For this, they pay with fears of falling, making mistakes, getting a three or four, being not up to par, stress, poor health, and this does not bring happiness.
2. A child who sees the ideality of his parents in everything may find it hard to endure it and feel like a nonentity in such a family. " After all, his parents are so ideal, and where can I be up to them! Therefore, I will not even try to achieve something in my life, because it will not be so right / good anyway". Life according to such a scenario for a child passes in constant fears and anxiety, low self-esteem, self-doubt. Even if a child tries to prove that he is good, that he is worth something, he will not feel loved. And, most importantly, he will never be able to satisfy his parents, even though he will try his best. Ideal parents will each time strive for greater and greater ideals, at one moment they will not have enough of what they used to be happy about and what they were proud of. This behavior sucks them in, and they have little understanding of what their children need, what their needs and desires are, and what kind of parents they really would like to become, despite the prejudices of others. And both sides of the educational process suffer here, because this does not bring happiness to parents either.

Based on these two directions, we can conclude that the child should see manifestations of the non-ideality of his parents. That is, their negative experiences in life, their fears, their mistakes in life that they made as children or adults. Just do not overload the children with this, but act in accordance with the situation. So it is easier to live and accept your non-ideality, to have the right to make mistakes and not feel shame, guilt or anger at the same time. This contributes to the creation of a real, adequate self-esteem in the child, he will not be afraid to make mistakes in life, trying again what he does not succeed. Here I would like to add a very important word "sorry" in relations with a child, which parents should teach. On the one hand, it shows the imperfection of parents, that they have the right to make mistakes, even as adults, experienced people. On the other hand, the child learns to apologize not only for his misdeeds, to respect the boundaries of another person, to be educated, but also thanks to this to accept his imperfection, while not feeling flawed. A few years ago, in my personal therapy, I received an invaluable experience when, as part of a consultation, I learned to apologize to my parents - sincerely, with love and acceptance of myself and them. And I knew that I could bring this experience into the lives of my children, because if we do not learn to apologize to our parents, our children will never apologize to us and will not be able to do it. I think it will not be difficult for anyone to answer the question why this is necessary.

Many parents, in order to conform to the ideal position, often resort to lying in relationships with their own children. They believe that petty lies and major quarrels in the absence of a child will save him from the hardships of life, make his life easier, bring him joy and happiness. But no matter how paradoxical it may sound, such "good, good" deeds do not bring children anything good. Children perfectly distinguish lies, even petty ones. And when parents put on a mask of happiness, joy, when in fact everything is the other way around in the family, and tension, irritation and constant stress reign behind closed doors, children feel it. So authority and trust are replaced by other feelings. Children begin to feel abandoned, deceived. What seems small and insignificant to parents can be very important for a child. This is how authority is lost, and in order to restore it, parents may need more than a year of relationship. Sometimes authority can be lost forever, because the authority of peers, idols, colleagues, friends eventually replaces parental authority.

Some parents, dissatisfied with their own upbringing, get so hung up on the bad sides of parenting that they forget about the good things they have done and invested in their child. The paradox is that the feeling of guilt for one's imperfection makes it very difficult to build the right relationship with the child. Every time a mother promises herself not to punish her child cruelly, a father promises to devote more time to his son or daughter, other mothers and fathers try for years to correct mistakes made in upbringing, instead of raising their child "here and now". Guilt reinforces the wrong, unreasonable behavior of parents, does not bring anything good. It is very difficult to break the vicious circle - "holding in emotions - relapse - guilt" and stop making promises to yourself that " I will never do this again". Such promises are a way to punish yourself. For what? For not keeping promises, for wanting to raise a child differently than parents, for repeating the scenario of the parental family. And for For such a parent, not keeping his word, not proving something to the world, to his friends, to himself, to his parents means to fail.

Where does this ideality come from in consciousness? Above, I have already mentioned public opinion and the environment that influences parents, but for many, the idealization of themselves as a parent and the idealization of a child appears ... even before the birth of the latter. For many future parents, an image of the ideal child arises in the mind, which they are waiting for, which will be born. This is something new for them, exciting, indefinite. And, as you know, everything unknown likes to be "drawn up" in the mind: how this child will look, what he will do or not do, how he will behave, what kind of character he will be, what expectations he will meet. And here a baby is born, who first cries at night, then begins to explore the world, then he can answer with a rude word ... And any discrepancy with the image of an ideal child causes anger in parents. Because in this case, they are also not ideal parents. Child psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott introduced the concept of a "good enough mother", explaining that a child does not need an ideal mother and an ideal father. He has enough "good" parents. And remember, don't raise your children, they will still look like you. Educate yourself.