Men's promises. Why do men forget their promises

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columnist

I think it’s unlikely that any of us will be surprised by the story in which the man promised his new girlfriend a lot of different things, but in the end he didn’t fulfill anything he promised: he didn’t stop drinking, he didn’t buy a fur coat, he didn’t take him to the Maldives. Such stories - a wagon and a small cart, and girls with deceived expectations - a queue thousands of kilometers long. And everyone is tormented by the same question: “Well, what the hell did he promise if he wasn’t going to fulfill it ?!” Let's look at the most common situations.

He promises expensive gifts, but does not give

Girls, as you know, love with their ears, so men have long adapted to hang well-cooked noodles on these ears. The reason is simple: he does not want anything serious, so he prefers to splurge on you. The goal is to save on courtship, not to spend money. In a week, he will find another passion for himself and begin to hang noodles on her ears already.

He promises to divorce his wife, but something constantly interferes with him

Either his mother is sick, or the children have not yet grown up. Years go by, but things are still there: a man is in no hurry to get divorced. This is not surprising, because he did not plan to get a divorce at all. Because if he really wanted to, then neither children nor a sick mother would interfere with him. If he did not leave his wife in the first year of the relationship, then most likely he will never leave. And he lies in order to keep you near him as long as possible.

He promises to marry, but still no proposal

When girls complain that a man is a scoundrel, has been promising a ring on his finger, a wedding and a honeymoon for many years, they forget that they themselves have not stopped hinting at marriage all this time. And it’s easier for a guy to promise than to refuse directly, because he knows that refusal is fraught with scandals or parting. He does not want to listen to reproaches from you, he is also in no hurry to part, because you are still interesting to him, so he begins to feed you with promises about the wedding so that you do not jump off the hook ahead of time.

He promises to stop smoking/drinking/gambling, but the situation only gets worse

Probably, he himself would like to quit everything and start from scratch, but addiction is a disease that cannot be defeated alone. Even specialists are not always able to help the unfortunate. Unfortunately, when it comes to serious addictions (coffee addicts and sweet tooth do not count), promises to “quit” in most cases are just shaking the air. And these promises are rather addressed not to you, but to oneself, and they are not fulfilled for only one reason: a person is in a state of strong dependence.

He promises to call / write, but every time he does not keep his promise

He says this automatically, because he needs to end a phone conversation or a date with something, but he immediately forgets about these words. He may not even remember what he blurted out, and you will sit and hypnotize the phone waiting for a call or message. As practice shows, if a man does not give a damn about the promises he made to a girl, then she is not so dear to him.

He promises to do housework but never does.

You remind him for the tenth time about a broken toilet bowl, a flimsy shelf or a fallen baseboard, ask him to take out the trash, put things in a laundry basket and not scatter socks. He promises to do everything, but these promises are of no use. There are men who are completely unsuited to everyday life. It is easier for them to give money to the master than to do everything themselves. But in order for the girl to stop annoying them with everyday questions, they dismiss promises, which, of course, they do not fulfill. It is completely pointless to continue seeking help from such an "assistant": it will most likely irritate him even more. Promise him that if he allocates funds for the master, you will no longer bother him with such requests.

It also happens that a man cannot fulfill a promise due to unforeseen circumstances or because of ordinary forgetfulness. For example, he counted on a bonus, which he was denied at the last moment, or, immersed in business, forgot that he promised to take the girl to a restaurant. In such situations, it is not a sin to remind about the promise, but without running into and without making claims. If he really forgot or something went wrong as he planned, then in the near future the situation will be corrected in your favor. But if a man is in no hurry to fulfill a promise, but only comes up with more and more excuses, draw conclusions.

Remember, we are defined by actions, not words. Whatever a man promises you, no matter how colorfully he paints your future, you should not take promises seriously if they were not backed up by real deeds.

Women always expect a man to be a man of his word. They sincerely believe that if he did not keep his promise, then he is not a man. Therefore, they think that men should always restrain them. But having started a serious relationship, women are disappointed.

It is rare that a man always promises and fulfills, more often he simply breaks a promise and disappoints his beloved. At this moment, women are wondering why promise if you still don’t fulfill?

Reasons why a man behaves this way

1. Not to offend

Almost always, a man knows in advance whether he will fulfill a promise or not, but if he knows that he will not keep it, he promises anyway. Why? Quite often just because doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend. Women themselves provoke such impartial behavior. . They really want to hear this promise and sometimes it is better to promise and not keep than not to promise at all. The woman desires this promise and by her behavior forces it to be given. Are you marrying me? Of course! Are we going to Italy with you? Naturally, only later.

If a man said that he did not intend to marry, then the girl would definitely throw a scandal, and so there seems to be a promise, but there are no deadlines, so it can be fulfilled even for a lifetime. She is not offended, but he has a burden off his shoulders. Similarly, with a vacation, a man understands that he does not have the funds for this trip, but a woman wants something, so let her not get upset.

2. Create an illusion

Not everyone lives the way they want. But the belief that you are about to live the way you want can maintain relationships for many years and make them quite happy. To create a happy illusion and promises are made. “I promise you that in a year I will get the position of the head, and then we will live! I promise that we will soon buy ourselves an apartment or move to the suburbs, to our own house. This illusion helps both to exist. It's nice to believe in a happy future. And if in a year a woman asks what is there with the increase, then you can always say that it will only be in another year.

3. Husband earns credit

When a man promises something, he has a credit of trust. They begin to treat him better, and not only the beloved girl, but also those around him. A promise lets him comfortably exist . For example, he promised that he would quit smoking in a month, which means that this month you can smoke without conscience. he won’t nag that he smokes all the time and doesn’t think about quitting, and the thought warms his soul that he will soon get rid of this disgusting tobacco smell in the car and won’t spend money on cigarettes, his colleagues are also happy, the man is in a good mood.

Everything is going great, and when the deadline for fulfilling a promise comes, you can always postpone it due to unforeseen circumstances. For example, stress, overload at work, a reprimand from the boss, and you can smoke for another month, and then come up with something else.

All in all, men in most cases promise because they believe that women need this promise. Everyone expects this promise from them and not to promise - this means to do badly with everyone around and, especially with her, her beloved. This is how promises are all delayed or not fulfilled at all.

Another small reason why a man may not keep his promise is a woman's belief that he will not keep it. After all, girls are so fond of saying: "I knew that you would not do this." Some men claim that they do not keep the promise on purpose so that the woman has the opportunity to speak out and say her famous “I knew it.” But this is, of course, an extreme case.

How to fix the situation?

If you want a man to never make empty promises and fulfill everything he says, then believe in him and do not show that a promise is important to you just like a promise . Tell him that you set certain goals, and they must be achieved. If you are going on a trip, offer him to open a bank account and save for it every month for a dream trip, and do not take an empty promise.

Make sure your husband takes small steps towards a big goal. And if the promise is not global, but important to you, then just warn him that you won't be offended if he says he can't do it, but if he promised, he must do it. So you get rid of disappointments and increase the chances that promises will be kept.

Promise under duress
Promises made under duress often fail.

Promises made under duress often fail. Women are sometimes too persistent, literally shaking out a promise to do or buy something. It is hardly to be expected that a man will keep the word that was "squeezed" out of him, and if, in obedience to your natural honesty, he nevertheless fulfills the promise, then it is unlikely with a soul.
Sometimes men make promises to their loved ones just so as not to upset them, especially when tears are used. Here men are ready to promise the moon from the sky, just to stop the tear flow. So they, poor fellows, take on promises that they obviously cannot fulfill.

So the fact that men do not keep their word is often the fault of women. Imagine being forced to do something you don't like. If there is an opportunity to get away from this unpleasant business, you will use this opportunity, right? So men are sure that a word given under pressure is not considered an obligation.

\"I'll give you a star!\"
Representatives of the stronger sex in the process, courtship often promise "mountains of gold", including marriage, in order to win the woman they like. And when she moves from the category of free to the category of her own, the matter never comes to fulfilling her promises. Of course, a rare woman in our time believes in "mountains of gold", but if a man is not ready to realize even simple, inexpensive promises, then faith in this man as a future life partner immediately disappears.
Many women put an equal sign between a man's responsibility for the family and responsibility for his word. In the female mind, a man who does not keep his word cannot be relied upon in life.

Force majeure or forgetfulness?
Sometimes some objective circumstances really interfere with fulfilling a promise. But when a man remembers his promise and wants to keep it, he explains everything in advance, sets a new deadline himself and fulfills it without fail.
Unfortunately, more often than not, all these force majeure events are invented right on the go, when a man is reminded of the promise, and his conscience does not allow him to admit that he has long forgotten about him. Moreover, this lie is immediately noticeable, moreover, these excuses can almost always be verified. Male forgetfulness is often associated not with a leaky memory, but with the fact that men's memory is selective. Events, deeds and promises, which they subconsciously consider not very important, are pushed into the background by memory. Knowing this peculiarity behind your faithful, remind him from time to time of his own promises.
It is worse if forgetfulness has another reason. The male character requires constant self-affirmation. And many men amuse their "Ego", create the image of a strong and omnipotent superman, giving out promises right and left, although they know in advance that they will not fulfill them, and therefore they immediately forget about them.

By promising big, you can save on little
A global promise often frees men from fulfilling many small and frivolous things. For example, the husband promises to build a house for the family or buy a good apartment. This promise cannot be fulfilled this minute, and everyone understands this. It often takes years to achieve a goal, so promises to go to the seaside, buy a new washing machine and give money for driving courses automatically become secondary.
In this case, try to give a hint about them to the wife, and she will immediately receive an answer: “Do you want a new apartment? If we don't save money, we'll never buy it." She will say: “Well, at least nail a shelf, you already promise a month!”

Credit of trust
Most of all, men love deferred commitments. Until the deadline for the fulfillment of the promise comes, you can live in peace: Nobody touches, demands nothing. While waiting for the fulfillment of the promise, the man receives, as it were, a credit of trust from the woman. She honestly waits for the deadline, but whether she will receive what she promised is still unknown.
\"Why do you need money for winter boots in the summer? So what if they cost three times cheaper in the summer? By winter I will buy you the best, the most fashionable, the warmest! And then, for some reason, winter comes ahead of time - at the end of November it turns out that good boots cost crazy money, and, in general, only two winters passed in the old ones, they are still quite new.

For personal gain
Often men promise their wives to do something about the house, but without reminders and on time they keep their promises only in those cases when they have their own self-interest in these matters.
They are even ready to go to the hated mother-in-law, if for this feat they are promised an evening in the company of friends or a visit to a football match. They always find time to go with their wife and buy groceries for the week, because otherwise they will have to eat convenience foods that the wife will buy on her way from work in the nearest store. But if the wife asks to take her shopping so that she can choose a new coat, she will have to wait for the promised one for more than one day off.

Methods of influence
Is it possible to somehow deal with male optionality and forgetfulness, to force them to fulfill their promises?

When you hear a promise from his lips, immediately say that his optionality offends you very much, therefore it is better to refrain from promises altogether if there is no possibility or desire to fulfill them, so as not to be branded as a deceiver.

You can mirror his forgetfulness. For example: promise him a romantic dinner with a continuation and cancel at the last moment, citing force majeure at work. Or, as if by accident, forget to fulfill his request. Let him feel how unpleasant it is to deal with a person who does not keep his promises.

If a man has been seen not keeping his word, do not demand promises from him and do not attach great importance to his own promises. If it does, it will be a pleasant surprise for you.

Demanding from your man the fulfillment of even those of your requests, to which he agreed, looking at the computer and nodding your head, be honest and fulfill yours. They promised homemade dumplings for breakfast on Sunday, so get up early and stick them.

From the realm of unrealizable
A lot of men's promises are generally from the field of women's pipe dreams. If in a fit of tenderness they promise to carry you in their arms, you do not take these words literally. Such a promise rather means that you will not know grief and need, live richly and happily. Yes, most of the time it's just a figure of speech with no specific meaning.

The promise to quit smoking and go in for sports can be considered almost unrealizable. Such promises men make more to themselves than to their women. And since every person has the right to his habits and is responsible for his own health, no one has the right to demand the fulfillment of these promises.

And further…
In his heart, every man considers himself, if not a ruler, then at least a commander in chief, who can give and take promises by birthright. Since they bear a greater burden of responsibility in life (they think so), then they should have more rights.

Men love vague promises that require many details to be discussed in order to be fulfilled. Therefore, to your question: \"Are we going to rest in Turkey? \\", he will answer: "Of course." But since there was no talk about where exactly, with what money, and, most importantly, in what year, there was no fulfillment of this promise for a lifetime. And don't wait.

Representatives of the stronger sex are very offended when they are reminded of the promises they once made. \"Do you think I forgot? \" And it does not matter that all the deadlines have already passed, and you have been waiting for the promised not even three years, but ten years already.

Do not want to be deceived in your expectations, do not make promises. You can often hear from men: \"You pulled out this promise from me, now wait!\"

Men who break their word rarely experience shame for not keeping a promise to a woman, a completely different matter if it is given to a man, especially a friend.

You should never hope that the promise to part with a previous partner and create a strong relationship with you will ever be fulfilled. It seems to women that it is impossible to lie about such an intimate and important thing; to men, all our worries about this seem, if not stupid, then strange. Breaking up an established relationship is a huge emotional burden, and men don't like it.

\"Forecast of weather forecasters\"
This is how the promises of many men should be taken. After all, if rain is predicted for you, and you take an umbrella with you, but the rain never happens, you can always reassure yourself that you were fully armed. So it is with men. It is much easier to either wait for surprises, or behave in such a way as to do something pleasant and give gifts to you, a man wanted without any reminders and promises.

To the credit of men, it must be said that there are very few chronic deceivers who do not fulfill promises among them. Occasionally this can happen to each of them. Many people are very ashamed of such accidents. Someone's nose bleeds keep their word, no matter how difficult it may be. In the general mass of men, it is they who make up the majority, which is why it is so unpleasant to meet a deceiver, and that is why today we tried to figure out why, after all, men are sometimes so irresponsible about their promises.

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A promise is the threshold of a lie.

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Consider whether what you promise is true and possible, for a promise is a debt.

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Never promise the impossible.

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Despite all his promises, he still hurts me ...

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And somehow he suddenly stopped noticing all the gray and strange people around, because she promised to be bored.

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Why, one has only to promise, forget and let go of the pain and the situation as a whole, but she doesn’t - no, and it hurts, it hurts - it hurts.

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Than one time not to fulfill a promise, it is better not to give it a hundred times ...

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Two things in the world are forgotten most often: an umbrella and that he promised to marry.

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Not all words-promises that people tell you are fulfilled by them later.

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Whoever is more careful in his promises is more accurate in their fulfillment.

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You will smile and I will smile with you. You will be hurt and I will be by your side. You go ahead and I will follow you. You'll jump off a cliff and I'll miss you too.

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We wanted - the best, but it turned out - as always ...

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I kept my promise...

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A man always promises more than he can.

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Don't feed a man with promises, but he still looks at the food.

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I promise not to promise that I will return if I am not going to return.

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Before promising something, remember in what unpredictable country you live. Remembered? Thought? Promised? Well... good luck to you...

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Love always promises the impossible and makes you believe in the impossible.

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- Yes, it's true, I promised you mountains of gold - but there was no talk about a washing machine!

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Not sure - don't promise.

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When men stop promising mountains of diamonds and buying love for empty words, women will learn to distinguish love from pain.

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Promises are made for reasons - and are fulfilled according to circumstances.

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The surest sign of a broken promise is the ease with which it is given.

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There is no need for big words, oaths and promises. Just make your loved one happy.

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Noodles are a side dish of promises.

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A man is a man who keeps his promises and emotions!!!

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All men at first firmly promise, and then - gently evade ...

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I promise to be faithful to you all night long.

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Over the past three years, I have already promised five times to marry her, but she is still not enough ...

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Whoever was overfed with promises - he even shied away from wishes.

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Do not promise the virgin young love eternal on earth.

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Deviating from obligations, you will have to pay at a higher price ...

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If A said, don't be B.

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Some people like to fool with promises, although they themselves are fooled.

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I will probably marry you ... and of course I will be faithful ... but love? You know... I honestly... can't promise... unfortunately...

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Promised - half made happy.

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Positive Trend #6.
It is worth putting your head on the chopping block, as you immediately understand the absurdity of empty promises.

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Promises are things that should come true, not be made and forgotten.

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If a woman asks, you must ... sincerely promise.

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Men either promise the impossible, or do not fulfill the promise.

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I promise I'll be there. You just say that you need it.

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Promise only the impossible, and you will have nothing to reproach yourself with.

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It is not good to demand from a person the fulfillment of a promise. He already spent a lot of energy on promises.

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To everyone for whom I am a dream, I promise to come true.

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Do not feed with words instead of bread.

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People who throw words and promises to the wind, I would throw from the bridge and into the cold sea.

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An ideal mutual understanding is when they promise you, and you believe.

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Women's faith in men's promises is indestructible ...

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- I'll get the moon from the sky and the stars for you! - How romantic you are! - Still, six months without a * ks - and you can think of not such garbage ...

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I give myself a word not to give myself a word again!

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Write to me that everything is fine with you, or I will come to see for myself. It's not a threat, it's a promise.

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You don't have to promise me a future if you're not ready to give up your real...

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I will be your most beautiful ex... I promise... =)

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Promises are traps that fools fall into.

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Real men are distinguished by the ability to keep their promises.

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Some people make promises for the pleasure of breaking them.

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Every time you think that you have read a book with my name, I will “blow up” your brain with a new plot!

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Promises are like children crying in a theater during a performance. They must be taken out immediately.

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If a woman says "You couldn't keep me" - it means she was not going to linger on you. No matter what she said before, she promised and no matter what she swore.

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If we do not always have the power to keep our promise, then it is always in our power not to make it.

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Don't forget to move from beautiful words to beautiful actions...

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If the government did not feed us with promises, we would never eat our fill.

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Promises fall into two categories: some may not be kept, others should not be made...

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It is a pity that many people are used to just throwing words to the wind ...

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…your loud promises… have become my silent tears…

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I promise to learn how to iron your shirts if I take them off you!!!

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I hate such people who promise from three boxes and do not fulfill ...

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It is better not to promise and redo than to repromise and not complete.

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Whoever promises too much will surely betray...

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Do not believe the one who promises mountains of gold - such nuggets do not exist in nature.

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Next year I promise to behave approximately ... Approximately as in this one!)))

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Nothing is easier than a promise.

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A tiny act of kindness is better than the most solemn promises to do the impossible.

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A promise is an assurance of one's own decency.

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I can't stand people... who promise a lot of things... but don't deliver... And they come up with all sorts of excuses... instead of admitting that they are... shit.

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A real man always fulfills the promise ... No matter how hard it is for him.

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Promise - do it. You can not fulfill - do not promise.
There is nothing worse than the dubious glory of a windbag.

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One "today" is worth two "tomorrows".

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While some promise, others do...

Statuses about promises

I will not reveal the secret by saying that all men are different, but there is something in them that unites them all. On purpose or not, each of them at least once made a promise, which in the end was not fulfilled. Said and forgot.

And we, for some reason, are waiting for the promised, as the proverb says, three years. It is not at all a fact that a man did not fulfill his promise by nature or by malicious intent.

He promised to call yesterday morning, but now it's evening of this day and the phone is silent. He promised to help your mother with repairs, take you shopping for the weekend or take your child to a cartoon. Oh, yes, he just didn’t promise, and a trip abroad in the summer, and nail a shelf, and no matter what he promised you, he didn’t fulfill his promise to you. Why did he do that? Wanted to upset you or lies in men's blood? He did it for the same reason you promised your mom as a child not to eat snow and tidy up your room, just to be left behind.

Or maybe he just forgot? Not because his head is full of holes, but simply his memory pushes back events and deeds that are subconsciously not significant to him. For the same reason, you have repeatedly forgotten to bring a film to a colleague that you have long promised to give to watch or call a friend to chat. Things that are not of particular importance and value, the memory "likes to push into the background."

Failure to fulfill promises does not yet characterize a man from a bad side. It doesn't mean that he can't be trusted at all. If he did not fulfill his promise to take you to a restaurant, this does not mean that he will not fulfill his promise to marry you.

If a man occasionally makes promises, which he then does not fulfill, due to other more important matters or other circumstances, there is nothing to worry about. It's another matter if throwing words to the wind became his habit, became his second nature. Is it possible to fight this and how to make a man keep his promises?

You can try several ways to influence idle talk. The simplest is to explain your attitude towards his broken promises. Tell how it offends you, how important it is for you to know that when he makes a promise, he will keep it. A loving and caring person should listen and take this into account. Although, the other may simply promise not to do this again.

Remind them that it is better to refrain from making promises at all than to be known as a liar and a deceiver.

You can use a method called "mirror". That is, in some situations, do the same as him, do not keep promises. For example: promise him a romantic dinner followed by a stormy continuation and do not fulfill it. Or, as if by accident, forget to comply with his request. Make him feel how frustrating it is to deal with something that doesn't keep its promises.

You can, of course, stand above your soul and demand to fulfill everything that you promised. But this method almost never works. Men are only annoyed and repelled by the persistent imposition of something on them.

And how often do we think about whether what a man said is a promise. When, after a delicious dinner, he suggests going out to a restaurant sometime to save you the hassle of cooking. Or when to your question: “Darling, will you buy me a fur coat?” he replies, "Honey, I'll think about it." In such cases, women perceive this as a promise, but the man does not at all.

Of course, much depends on the promise that the man gave you. If he, in a fit of tenderness, said that he would carry you all his life in his arms and fill you with flowers. It is unlikely that you will be presented with a picture in which a decrepit old man is trying to raise you up or spending his entire pension on a bouquet for you. And if he promised to quit smoking and go in for sports, is it right to demand that he fulfill the promise? In this case, everyone has the right to their habits, everyone is responsible for their own health. Another thing is if bad habits have developed into a disease, for example, alcoholism, and he wants to get rid of it, but is unable to do it on his own. Then without your help and the help of a specialist, he can not do.

You should not call him a liar and a deceiver, trying to make him feel guilty. Think about it, maybe you are asking too much from him, forcing him to make endless promises?

If a man has never been seen making empty promises, this should not make you particularly happy. Perhaps your man will break into a cake to keep his word. Such hyperresponsibility is characteristic of extremely insecure people. By fulfilling the promise, they are filled with self-respect, which they so lack. Such people often react painfully to optionality. And the phrase “we’ll call you somehow” thrown by you can become the reason that a person will not part with his mobile even for a minute, waiting for your call.

When deciding how to make a man keep his promises, in no case do not resort to magic, do not look for conspiracies and rituals. Do not turn to fortune-tellers and sorcerers. It remains to be seen how this can turn against you. Do not make it your task to catch a man on the fact that he did not fulfill the promise. This can become a factor of irritation and lead to a quarrel.

Think it might be wiser not to take on faith all the words he said? And if he somehow promised to buy you a ring or something else pleasant, do not expect this from him. You should not peer into the windows with a dreary look, spoiling your mood. If he doesn't want to, he won't buy anyway. But when you do not expect, but receive, the joy of the gift increases significantly.

It is important to remember that when you get a man to fulfill his promises, you yourself must keep your promises. To avoid the game in one goal. Whatever methods you use to fight the unfulfilled promises of men, the main thing is not to overdo it so that the struggle does not become an end in itself. After all, the main thing is the harmonious relationship of two loving people.