Should a man marry a second time? Second marriage: will it be longer lasting and happier?

Wedding ceremony- this is the logical conclusion of the unofficial relationship between two lovers. But married life is not always long and happy, and love is eternal. After the breakup of a marriage, the perception of the family and attitude towards marriage changes dramatically. And if it happens that a person finds his soulmate again, then the decision to tie the knot for the second time is more deliberate, wise and meaningful, and not made on emotions against the backdrop of strong feelings.

Statistically, the second marriage is much stronger than the first. After all, all the necessary lessons have already been learned and the right conclusions have been drawn. Now you are a more mature person, you care less about the opinions of others, you have found yourself in life, you understand yourself and listen to your desires, you have become professionally fulfilled and are more financially independent. That's why your second wedding ceremony should be completely different from the first one. Now it is not at all necessary that the entire set of traditional rituals be present at the celebration, and you repay your debt to your relatives, some of whom you have never even seen. The second wedding will be a reflection of your real ideas about the holiday of the union of two loving hearts.

In most cases, remarriage occurs at a more mature age, after 30 years. Listen to what your inner voice says: maybe you want to have original wedding abroad, for example in the Dominican Republic, on a yacht or in some historical place? Or maybe you want to organize a celebration in a quiet family atmosphere, have a picnic with your closest people, just sign at the registry office and have dinner together in a romantic place. This time it is very important to realize your unfulfilled dreams during your first wedding. The main thing is to agree with your chosen one or chosen one. After all, the celebration of the re-union is no longer carried out at the expense of the parents. The wedding budget now consists of the income of the bride and groom.

Since more mature couples are often busy working or raising children, it is best in this case to entrust the organization of the event to a specialized agency that will take care of all the pre-holiday chores. Second wedding ceremony differs from the first in that now you know the true price of things and give preference not to quantity, but to quality: you choose an exotic place for the celebration, exquisite decoration of the banquet hall, unusual dishes, high-quality alcoholic drinks, professional video and photography.

Features of the second act of marriage

1. Message about a pleasant event. Since the second ceremony is most often more modest and takes less time, effort and money for preparation than the first celebration, engagement notices and wedding invitations are generally short and sent shortly before the appointed date.
2. Outfits. Your second original wedding does not provide any special restrictions in choosing an outfit for the bride and a suit for the groom. But if a man can simply be guided by his taste and the format of the holiday, then a woman has an excellent chance to appear in exactly the image that she has dreamed of in recent years. But it is better to abandon the traditional, white wedding dress in favor of a cocktail or evening dress. A light-colored suit would also work. Choose the style, color and accessories that you like and suit the chosen image. Since a veil is a symbol of innocence, it, like a white dress, has no place at a second wedding. You can decorate your hair with a tiara, hat or fresh flowers. The main thing is that the bride and groom look great, show their individual style and match the format of the wedding.
3. Bouquet . If you are getting married for the second time, it is better to give up the flower arrangement in your hands. Yours original wedding and without this it will be unforgettable. But you can attach a boutonniere to the groom's suit.
4. Presents. If a girl has already been married once, then she should not expect gifts. But most guests cannot afford to come to the banquet empty-handed and they stock up on at least modest gifts.
5. Witnesses. It is customary for those entering into a second marriage to have one accompanying person. Witnesses may be the only guests at the ceremony.
6. Children . Their presence at the wedding is inevitable, since most remarriages occur when one or both of the couple has a child. The mission of children at the celebration is also important: they can bring wedding rings to the crown, walk ahead of lovers, showering the carpet with rose petals, or carry the hem of the bride’s dress. For the little guests of the event, you can set a separate table and invite animators so that the children don’t get bored while the adults have fun.
7. Wedding. The Orthodox Church does not provide for divorce. Therefore, if you initiated the dissolution of your first marriage, be sure to confess and fulfill a number of obligations that the priest will assign to you. This procedure is called penance and, according to canon law, it is valid for a certain period. After all the instructions have been fulfilled by you, and you have a desire to get married again with a new chosen one, the church can grant you such a right. Sometimes she sanctifies even the third legal union. But in this case, the period of imposition of penance increases significantly.

If the lovers have never been married before, but this time they decided to consecrate their marriage, then the clergyman will hold explanatory conversations with them, telling them about the responsibility and importance of such a step. He will teach you the necessary prayers, introduce you to certain church sacraments, and tell you how to maintain the integrity of the church union, having lived together for many years and sharing not only the good, but also the bad.

Honeymoon. Have a great time! The money saved on a modest wedding, as well as the money donated by guests, can be spent on the most unforgettable, romantic and interesting trip of your life.

Marina Franchuk

Frightened crows are afraid of bushes, and if you burn yourself with milk, you blow on the water, right?

So many men, whose first marriage was unsuccessful, avoid a second marriage.

Today, after a letter from one of my readers, I decided to make a note on this topic.

Should you get married?

In the letter, the reader told his story and described the current situation - there is a good woman, he loves her, but somehow the marriage is not going well. He doesn’t say that he’s against it, it’s just that “it’s somehow unclear why it’s needed.”

This is a common position - indeed, many men allegedly do not see the point in getting married. Like, we live together, we manage things together, marriage is a formality, the stamp won’t change anything, why are you fussing, woman?

Vaughn Zygmantovich himself said that living together with running a joint household is already a marriage (see details in the note).

Let's be honest, dear everyone. It's not that there is no point in marriage. There is a meaning here, it is right on the surface - to please your beloved. Well, she wants a stamp - why not give her that stamp? Three things to do: go and sign.

Fear of wolves...

But they don’t go? Why?

It's simple - out of fear.

The men described are afraid of different things. Who is afraid that “it won’t work out again” and another divorce will happen (no one is immune). Those who are not afraid of divorce itself, but are afraid that in the process they will have to give up their apartment and car (this happens, yes). Who is worried about communicating with children (unfortunately, people often use children for revenge).

This is not an exhaustive list of fears, of course. There are as many of them as there are men on earth - each has something of their own, unique. And, perhaps, that’s all there is to know about these men’s fears.

... to go to the forest?

I’m sure readers immediately had a question: what to do with fears?

First, I will answer the readers - do nothing. Unfortunately, you are largely powerless here.

Yes, you can try to find out about these fears in a frank conversation and help a man overcome them... But this is extremely difficult, and I will not risk convincing you that you can do it. Even I, a psychologist with special education and extensive experience, to whom men come voluntarily and pay money for work, have to tinker with men’s fears for some time. What can we say about the ladies of the heart, from whom not all men expect psychotherapeutic work.

Now I will answer the readers. Dear fellow Y-chromosome members! I'm telling you a terrible secret. Any relationship is by definition unpredictable.

You have no guarantees that your marriage (no matter the first, second, third, or whatever) will be successful.

You have no guarantees that your woman will not cheat on you (by the way, she does not have similar guarantees either).

You have no guarantee that the divorce process (if it happens) will not end in depriving you of all property and the right to see your children.

There are no guarantees in relationships at all - this is an axiom that for some reason everyone tries to turn a blind eye to and choose to live with rose-colored glasses.

And if you are afraid of some consequences, then you should not be in a relationship at all. Communicate with the computer and that's enough.

It's just like the old saying about wolves and the forest. Yes, there are wolves. Yes, you can meet them. Yes, the meeting can end sadly. And if you are afraid of all this, do not go into the forest.

It’s the same here: if you’re afraid of sad scenarios, don’t get into a relationship.

Well, if you are in a relationship, do something about your fear. For example,

Pitfalls of a new married life

Of course, I want to get married for the first and only time, for real, forever. But... Love, as they say, does not die unless it is killed. Resentment, disappointment, inability to talk to each other, selfishness lead to divorce. Having survived a divorce, the soul is able to open and love again. Sometimes, when a woman gets married a second time, she finds her feminine happiness.

The advantage of remarriage is that you are building a new family, already having considerable relationship experience, wisdom, endurance and calmness of a more mature age. And his shortcomings include the heavy burden of the past.

Unfortunately, it seems that very soon the family unions that were written about in fairy tales: “They lived long, happily and died on the same day” will disappear into oblivion. Today, the number of divorces is increasing all over the world. And there will be more and more remarriages.

Is it worth being upset about what is happening? Who knows... Any phenomenon in this world has its pros and cons.

But before getting married a second time and entering the river of another marriage, a woman should understand well what can await her, what pitfalls are hidden in the stormy waters of a new married life.

The weight of the past

The advantage of a second marriage is that you are building a new family, already having considerable relationship experience, wisdom, endurance and calmness of a more mature age. And its disadvantage can be considered the heavy burden of the past.

On the one hand, this is accumulated negative family experience, and on the other, the communication of the current husband with his ex-wife and children, which is not always easily perceived by the new partner. A woman needs wisdom and patience so as not to overshadow the new union with her anxiety and worries, in order to maintain a harmonious environment in the house.

What the past has given us will soon remain with us. And often this burden brings many problems into our current lives.

Children from a previous marriage, no matter from whose side, sometimes create big obstacles to building a new family happiness. Often relationships deteriorate because of how the new husband treats his own children.

Our own and other people's children

It so happens that in Russia a man’s decision to marry is primarily influenced by his love for a woman, and not at all by the desire to create a full family. Therefore, in a new marriage, most often, a man easily accepts his wife’s children and takes care of them, and at the same time moves away from his relatives who remained with his former wife.

That is, children are perceived by men as an addition to the woman they love, as the final touch to the image of a real family.

And how many different difficulties arise at home when, after the birth of a child, a woman is immersed in maternal concerns and pays less attention to her husband. This male jealousy towards their own children... Men in general are not particularly involved in caring for and raising a child, and therefore their attachment to him is not so deep.

Why is a mother's love so strong? She feels the child from the moment of his conception. After birth, she spends sleepless nights next to him, sees his first smile and hears the first word he said. Every day she watches his development with bated breath. Fathers are not with the child all the time; they communicate with him in the evenings after work and on weekends. For them, children are always associated with a woman. Another woman - different children. And the stepchild of the new wife becomes his own for the man. He can treat him better than his own.This is difficult for women to understand.

Of course, the man realizes that he has his own child, but there is no deep affection and love in his soul. But a stepson or stepdaughter, with whom he has frequent and a lot of contact, may become close to him.

Of course, all of the above does not apply to absolutely all men. But this perception of children is typical for most of them.

The ability to share a man with others

If a man does not feel attachment to his own children, and the second wife “receives” him as her property, then fewer problems arise in new family relationships. If a man is attached to his own child, and moreover, his ex-wife manipulates him, playing on his love for her child, then it’s time to be patient and understanding.

You will have to “move up on your throne”, giving way to your husband’s child and his first wife. It is very difficult. I will not describe in detail why such a situation came into a woman’s life at all; I only want to emphasize that we are attracted only to what we should have, what suits us. Life presents us with its lessons, and whether we like it or not, we must go through them.

And these lessons are never simple. They always require patience, sacrifice and effort.

Have you ever thought about why you met a man who cannot belong to you completely? Why do you sometimes feel unwanted and your emotional connection is lost? Isn't life sending you a lesson that you need to accept the current state of affairs, go through your pain and suffering, experiencing everything that happens in your soul? Is it worth fighting with events and a man in this case? Maybe it makes sense to fight with yourself and your desire to make your partner your property?

Stepfather

So, let's say in your new family you are the only one with children. And if they are 7 years old and above, then your union may have problems. The fact is that many remarriages break up due to the fact that men do not have good relationships with their partner’s grown-up children. Children under 5–6 years old perceive the appearance of a new man in the house much more easily. They have not yet become very attached to their father and readily respond to a kind and attentive attitude.

Of course, I mean only normal, adequate men who are not characterized by rudeness, rigidity and cold indifference, who do not have harmful addictions.

School-age children, even if they lived without a father, are already accustomed to certain traditions and orders of their family (including incomplete ones), the violation of which can be perceived painfully.

In this case, the man is required to show patience and tact - after all, he is entering the territory of another family. And it doesn’t matter who everyone will now live with - the new husband or the wife.

Very often, men, as well as women, in such a situation do not accept how everything has already turned out before them. The desire to possess and the perception of another person as one's property leads to problems. Separating yourself from your spouse and allowing her to communicate with her own child without jealousy or resentment can be difficult. The situation can also be aggravated by the child’s jealousy and his desire to keep his mother near him.

If a man has a conflict with his stepson or stepdaughter, on this basis or another, then it will not be easy for you to create a healthy atmosphere in the family.

Steps towards

Your partner will need a lot of effort to win the favor of your child. He should not abruptly establish his own rules in the house and immediately behave like the owner. In this case, a woman needs to be able to feel in advance how her new partner will behave. And we need to delicately explain to him how best to communicate with his son or daughter.

At this stage of the relationship, all attention should be paid to the child. Disregarding his feelings may cause him to go out of his way to deceive you later.

If you immediately begin to direct your attention and care primarily to your spouse, your son or daughter may perceive this as a betrayal. And this leads to jealousy and the emergence of anger and hatred both towards you and towards the stepfather.

In this situation, it is important to maintain balance in the relationship. After all, if you behave in the opposite way: you build your communication with your child as before, as if there is no man in the house, then your new husband will feel abandoned and not accepted in the family.

Where is the way out? Try to spend your free time together, pay attention to the child from both sides. This way he can be convinced that now his life has become better and brighter: now he is loved and cared for by two adults. After all, in fact, deep down, all children dream of a full-fledged family, with dad and mom.

When getting married a second time, you need to remember that creating a strong family is not easy and a woman will have to do a lot. It is she who must help the child accept his new man. And it is she who needs to bring her husband to understand her daughter or son.

Tell your child about your plans in advance. Always speak respectfully about his father, praise him, support his positive image in the child’s soul (even if in reality his father is not like that at all). It is very important.

Explain to your child that your new marriage will not change your attitude and love for him. Try to make sure that the man and the child often communicate alone, this will help them get to know each other faster.

Learn not to perceive the child as your property: do not be offended by the critical remarks and educational maneuvers of the new partner. Tell your child that in a family he must obey both adults equally. And at the same time, ask the man to be more tactful with your daughter or son, and not try to educate or teach them right away.

The role of a woman in a second marriage

The woman bears full responsibility for managing family relationships. She needs to create an atmosphere of mutual acceptance in the house. Try not to let your husband and child try to pull you over to their respective sides.

Of course, if the child immediately accepts your partner, then everything will turn out quite easily. Your son or daughter will obey his stepfather.

If a woman emphasizes that she has a separate relationship with her child, this will lead to tension in the house. You need to remember that you brought into the family not just a man - your partner, but also a father for your son or daughter. Then your spouse will not feel superfluous and alien.

It is a big mistake to internally divide the family space into two blocks: the relationship “me and the child” and “me and the man.” This position of a woman ultimately leads to conflicts.

In order to create a warm, friendly, sincere family atmosphere, a woman needs to be let into her soul and combine all the relationship options: “she and partner”, “she and child”, “child and man”, “she, child and man” ". And then there will be peace and harmony in the new family. published

(Tetkorax is the nickname of the author who wrote this post)

When your own mind is not enough, you should turn to world wisdom.

Having rummaged through his archives, as well as on the Internet, for smart thoughts, Tetcorax chose the most significant and worthy of them, and left the clumsily empty ones behind his blog vinaigrette.

Lost on the Internet, read this humble post.

It is quite possible that you will also face this question.

And even sooner than you might think.

It must be said that the topic of gender relations is endless, and you can talk about it around the clock. Therefore, this entry does not claim to be universal.

So….

Marriage is a smart thing for a fool and a stupid thing for a smart one.
(Francis Bacon)

(Well, F. Bacon himself was no fool, so you should take his word for it) :-)

Of all clownish things, marriage is the most clownish. (Beaumarchais)

(There is no doubt that this great expert on life and humorist has studied the problem quite deeply)

But what did the great philosopher Socrates say about this?

Marriage, if we tell the truth, is an evil, but a necessary evil. (Socrates)

It must be said that Socrates’s wife, Xanthippe, was such a pretentious person that the memory of this was preserved for thousands of years, and her name became a household name for a grumpy shrew of a wife who did not know how to appreciate the intelligence, talents and deeds of her husband.
In ancient literature, Socrates answers the question of the philosopher Antisthenes why he married such an evil person. Socrates allegedly replied: “I observe that those who want to become experienced horsemen choose not obedient horses, but hot horses. They are guided by the following calculation: if they can curb a hot horse, then it will not be difficult for them to cope with others. This is exactly what I did: wanting to know how to deal with people, I married Xanthippe, being sure that if I could manage with her, it would be easy for me to communicate with all other people.”
In short, as A.V. Suvorov said, “It’s hard to learn, easy to fight.”

In fact, this consideration should be regarded as an excuse joke. Socrates did not want to agree that he had screwed up with his marriage.

And his next expression confirms this assumption.

Get married no matter what. If you get a good wife, you will become an exception; if you get a bad wife, you will become a philosopher. (Socrates)

Marriage is bad for a man's health. This is the same bad habit as smoking cigarettes, only much more expensive.
(O. Wilde)

Marriage is a novel in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
(The author has not yet been identified :-()

If a woman enters into a second marriage, it means that the first one taught her a lot. If a man enters into a second marriage, it means that the first one did not teach him anything.
(The author is wanted. :-( Although, this is an obvious alteration of O. Wilde’s considerations given below)

When a woman marries for the second time, it means that she hated her first husband. When a man marries a second time, it is because he adored his first wife. (O. Wilde)

A woman worries about the future until she gets married. A man doesn't worry about the future until he gets married. (Coco Chanel)

Absolutely right! Why should a happy person care about the future? Now he does what he wants, but if he gets married, he will be forced to do what his spouse asks/demands. And she will persuade, nag, whine, reproach, get on your nerves, etc., etc. :-(Someone said that

Do not open up to your wife and do not share any secrets with her: in married life, your wife is your adversary, who is always armed and always plotting how to subjugate you. (Aesop)

This is how the great fabulist thought. And some suckers cannot understand this until their death. And after death too. :-)

Here is one of the best arguments against marriage: only one woman can completely fool a man - his own wife. (Chamfort)

We must always marry in the same way as we die, that is, only when it is impossible otherwise. (Lev Tolstoy)

This is the first time. In the second, it's better to just die right away. :razz:

In hardly anything else is human frivolity more often seen to such a terrifying extent than in the structure of marital unions. They say that smart people buy their boots with much more attention than they choose their life partner.
(N.S. Leskov)

To this, of course, one can object that

If you start choosing a woman like boots, then you will have to walk barefoot for too long. (Tetcorax)

But it’s better to go barefoot than to suffer all your life and, in the end, become a philosopher.

The less a woman brings to her husband, the more she demands from him; so the less it costs, the more it costs.
(V. Klyuchevsky)

Get this on your nose, everyone!

Marriage is a union of two people to jointly overcome problems that they did not have before. (Author not identified)

Getting married means halving your rights and doubling your responsibilities. (Schopenhauer)

This is if the woman has not been married before. What if there was? In this case, not two, but four! After all, together with your second wife you also acquire a “dowry”: a whole bunch of her children, relatives, ex-husbands, etc. And they ALL have THEIR OWN problems! And these problems will inevitably affect the new husband. Moreover, the new wife will demand to love many of them! “He loved me, he will love my children too.” Do you need them? I wish I could never see or know them! Personally, the author has in mind - an orphan!

Marriage is the only war in which you have to sleep with the enemy. (La Rochefoucauld)

Marriage emasculates the soul. (A.S. Pushkin)

Yes, marriage brings you down to earth. He, like a lightning rod, takes love to the ground.

Enough wisdom. You don't need to know everything to figure out the right solution. It is enough to know what is necessary.

What could be worse than a second marriage? Only the third. (Tetcorax)

There are such knowledgeable people, the Irish. All of them, as one, believe that:

There is only one thing in this world that is better than a good wife - no wife at all. (Irish last)

Another famous proverb states that:
The first wife is from God, the second from man, the third from the devil.
But many believe that the second one is from the devil. And also from stupidity and greed. (Some people intend to improve their financial situation by getting married again, but, as a rule, they get “ears from a dead donkey.”

In a second marriage, men face another unexpected trouble - the stereotyping of their feelings and thinking.

For some reason they are sure that the second wife will be different from the first for the better.

This is the kind of burdock shown in the attached picture.

Well, you yourself asked to introduce you to my first wife.

And in no case should we forget the main women's secret.

Hack it on your nose every knight, boy and the one “who didn’t get the baghini”:

Every woman wants to get married, but not every woman wants to be a wife.

Total

Second marriage - refuse!

Hymen! Get out of my way! Look for other fools to carry your prison chains! :razz:

Do whatever you want with a woman, but don’t trust her in anything, and most importantly, don’t marry, otherwise you will live to see the hour when you want to kill her. (Henry Haggard)

Gold words!

Tetcorax I've lived up to this for a long time.

P.S.

A person who marries for the first time is like a frivolous moth flying to the fire; remarrying - to a horny lustful rabbit; Anyone who marries for the third time is just a stubborn ass.

And there are also senile sclerotic people who remarry their ex-wife and even the wife who left them!
This raises the question: can such a wife be considered a second? Let those who stick their heads into the same mousetrap a second time answer it.

And the last, but not least: in nature there are many squeamish men who will not eat “cutlets that have gone through the full digestive cycle.”

And from a certain age, there are only such cutlets around a man.

A note about the cutlet.

A cheating wife is a bitten cold cutlet that you don’t want to touch because someone else has already used it.
(A.P. Chekhov)

(Exactly the same feeling for a woman who has been married for many years. A cutlet that has gone through a full digestion cycle.)

Greetings, dear readers!

This article is dedicated to those who are planning to tie the knot for the second time. Life is unpredictable, and that’s why it’s amazing. People meet, fall in love, get married, and many also get divorced.

The lovers are confident that they will live a long and happy life together, but the idyll ends where everyday problems and other family troubles begin.

Times change, what was valuable before is not so important now, which is probably why people break up completely and irrevocably. After a divorce, life does not end; after a while, many women leave married for the second time.

If you still have feelings for your ex-husband, then marrying another person makes no sense. Doing this out of spite is irresponsible and not far-sighted. First, understand yourself, realize what happened and live without looking back. Men like optimists; it’s easy to go through life with them.

When creating a new unit of society, one should forget about old attitudes and rules. Start with a clean slate, but don't make the same mistakes you made before.

Any family faces temporary difficulties, they need to be overcome. Every person has both disadvantages and advantages. If you love a man, then you will accept him, as they say, with all his guts. When getting married for the second time, you should get to know your future spouse well so that his shortcomings do not become a reason for breaking off the relationship.

Maturity is considered the advantage of a second marriage. People who have experienced a divorce have a different attitude towards everyday problems; they do not dramatize, but resolve most issues calmly. Experience, albeit sad, will help you decide what is important in family life and what is secondary.

As a rule, women in their second marriage are calmer and more reserved. Perhaps the habits of the new husband are reminiscent of the past, but people change, and with them the reaction to what is happening. Invaluable life experience will allow you to understand the intricacies of family relationships.

The new husband must accept your child unconditionally. If he has a different opinion on this matter, think about whether you should marry him. You should introduce your future spouse to the children in advance. Observe how he gets along with them and how the children perceive him.

They are vulnerable after their parents' divorce, so a special approach is needed. Don't force your children to call someone else's man daddy. Let him become their best friend or family member. Be patient, talk to them about possible changes in life, listen to what they say. Through discussion you will definitely come to a common denominator.

For well-being in your new family, come up with new rules and traditions. When solving everyday problems, do not forget to organize family holidays. Get out of town, spend time as a family, not separately. The lack of common interests leads to discord in relationships.

A husband will be in seventh heaven if his woman joins him on a fishing trip or cheers for his favorite football team. This does not mean that you need to dissolve in your partner; on the contrary, you must be a well-rounded personality, then interest in you will never disappear.

When starting a new relationship, watch your speech, do not allow yourself to scream. Of course, anything can happen in family life, but keep such situations to a minimum by using common sense and a little understanding.

As a rule, second marriages are happy. The couples have drawn conclusions and are trying not to repeat previous mistakes. Women tend to analyze, so the chances that everything will work out this time are quite high. Men, on the contrary, simplify everything, they rarely think about what has been done, so they often step on the well-known rake.

The development of harmonious relationships is impossible without intimacy. It’s possible to emotionally tie a person to yourself; the main thing is to add variety to your sex life, understand his desires, and talk openly about yours. The man will be grateful for the initiative.

Get married a second time only when you let go of the past, change your own beliefs, and find a person who makes the world around you better by his very appearance. Recommend this material to your friends on social networks, because no one knows what will happen tomorrow, our job is to stay happy today.

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