Tips for living with a guy. He won't marry

Romantic candy-bouquet period in a relationship, it logically leads to the fact that lovers begin to live together. And so, when you found yourself in the same area, pushed snowboards and mixers into the corners and determined a place for the “plasma”, normal life began.

It is at this stage that “happily ever after” all ends. beautiful stories love, but the most interesting thing begins: having occupied a common living space, you will slowly begin to find out who is responsible for leaking taps, clean floors, delicious dinners. And you still have to agree on where you celebrate the main holidays, how you spend your vacation, how you treat guests. And, if there are already children (people with children after a divorce also find love and get married, yes) - who and when takes them from kindergarten schools.

“Getting used to it means creating a family frame that is built from rituals, common habits, agreements and understanding of what is acceptable in your relationship and what is not.”

This period in a relationship is inevitable, logical and natural, so the main thing is to understand what actually is the reason for the sudden quarrels.

Resolve conflicts yourself

If in romantic relationships people try very hard to show off the best side, then, having settled in the same apartment, it becomes difficult for them to hide their shortcomings. It turns out that it is doubly pleasant to note that a partner is also imperfect: anyone can throw socks around the apartment, regardless of gender.

Quarrels and reproaches begin. And not only for everyday reasons: it may suddenly turn out that he likes to spend quiet weekends at home, and she wants to meet with friends, go outdoors or go to the cinema.

“It’s quite difficult to calmly resolve conflicts and dot the i’s.” simple feature Russian mentality: people are too accustomed to turning to relatives and friends for advice, instead of discussing the problem with each other.”

Not only that stranger in principle, cannot give advice on how to solve your particular problem; constant complaints about your partner to friends or relatives form the opinion that he is - horrible man, and your relationship consists only of scandals.

Therefore, the solution is simple: agree that your task as a couple is to study and, if possible, accept each other’s habits without involving third parties.

Don't compete with each other

Living together is always a search for compromise. Mature partnerships, in fact, are based on the fact that two adults can agree. “In many couples there is competition, most often hidden, for the right to be considered the “man of the house.” But being in a constant struggle for power, it is difficult to create comfortable, safe relationships.”

How does this rivalry manifest itself? In small details, words, actions, the purpose of which is to humiliate the partner, standing out against his background. Women can skillfully use reproaches for their partner’s inattention: “Well, when you went grocery shopping, you forgot to buy milk! And I asked for a powder cleaner, not a liquid one!” Men are no less insidious, finding sophisticated ways to hint at mismanagement or lack of femininity partners: “Mom made soup not just with meat, but with meatballs!”

It seems to many that they have already become so close that they can safely tell each other “the whole truth.” But intimacy is about respect, support, understanding. And not about “hurray, finally we can no longer stand on ceremony”!

If you say to each other: “In next time please buy some milk” or “Make me some soup with meatballs” - there will be much less reason for quarrels.

Learn to ask

By the way, there is such a tradition - to remain silent about your desires, like a partisan during interrogation, and wait for your partner to guess and fulfill them. Yes, for some reason many people are used to it. Perhaps this is due to the Soviet past, when asking for something, especially for oneself, was considered selfishness and shamelessness. But what kind of shamelessness is it to say: “It’s very important for me to get enough sleep on the weekend, could you not make any noise until 10 in the morning?”

Those days are long gone. “It’s important to be able to talk about what you expect from your partner. And even more important is to be able to cope with the fact that he may refuse this request.” Although it is unlikely that your loved one will laugh at the request: fulfilling it is the easiest way to express your concern.

Save your habits

Creating shared family traditions and habits - in fact, there are the main objective this complex process getting used to each other. However, getting used to it does not mean merging into one single whole.

If the man you love is interested in football, this is not a reason to buy a fan’s jersey and watch matches together if you are truly perplexed when you see the players running across the field. If the woman you love loves to dance, and you feel like a tree next to her, you better wish her to find a more talented partner.

Maintaining your own life, separate from your partner, with your own interests and circle of friends, has a very good effect on the relationship. And this also indicates that everyone in a couple has clearly defined boundaries that allow them to maintain their uniqueness and integrity. After all, we are loved precisely for who we are.

And, most importantly, remember that life together consists of very, very simple things: cook food, wash the dishes, go to the store together, put the children to bed. So the secret to long-lasting happiness, you could say, is to make these little things as comfortable as possible for each other.

For a couple, sooner or later it becomes topical issue cohabitation. This is a transition to new level relationships. And for it to pass safely, without disappointments and conflicts, you need to prepare for it. How to start living with a guy? Let's figure it out.

How to start living with a guy: what comes first?

You've been dating a guy for a long time. Relationships seem cloudless full of love and romance. You start to build joint plans, which means your romance has reached a more serious level. There are no clear instructions on how to start living with a guy. But there are several recommendations that will help you avoid mistakes:

1. Don't make decisions based on emotions. Question about cohabitation must be carefully thought out. Face reality. Now you meet only in the evenings, there is romance around you. But everyday life does not consist of only dates. Living together is the life of two adults with different habits. You have to get to know your partner from a completely different side. And you need to be prepared for this.
2. If you have doubts, don't hide them. Possible problems needs to be discussed in advance. This may strengthen your desire to live together or make you realize that the decision is premature.

What mistakes should you avoid? You discussed the pros and cons and decided to live together. We must be prepared for the fact that there are many difficulties ahead:

1. Now you need to learn to sacrifice yourself for the sake of your loved one. You may have to change your habits and your lifestyle. You and your boyfriend will need to adjust and adapt to each other.
2. Try not to limit your partner's freedom. Do not forbid your man to communicate with friends, treat his surroundings with respect.
3. Don't forget about your interests, live life to the fullest, do what you love. Don't immediately become a housewife.
4. Don't idealize your young man, don't put too much pressure on him high requirements. Remember that he is a simple man with his faults.
5. Do not allow advisors into your family. Try to solve all problems together without involving third parties. No one but you two can sort out your conflicts. Outside interference can only make the situation worse.

Respect each other's opinions, don't argue. Heated arguments can leave a lasting mark on a relationship.

Before I tried to live under the same roof with a guy, I dated him for about five years. Our conversations more and more often began with words of love and ended with thoughts about the wedding. But to marry a man to whom you devote your life, share ambitions, joy and sorrow with him, give birth to children - serious step, and I decided first to try to live a little next to him and understand whether I was ready to be his wife.

As they decided, they did so. We moved to the capital in search of our happiness, sharing not only a roof over our heads, but also all ordinary things: homework, budget, free time everyone, hobbies and even television channels.

At first everything was just fine, but over time some friction of interests began. To smooth out the moments of living together, I had to try. Now, having analyzed that moment in my life, I can draw some conclusions:

1. Homework

When my boyfriend and I started living together, we each had a job. There was very little time for housework, so we had to do it together. My man didn’t always want to wash the dishes, he didn’t always vacuum the rooms, but it was still very nice to come home and dine on dishes prepared by his hands.

Now everything is different: he works and earns money, I sit at home and do housework, but the main thing is that I like it and everyone plays the role (work) that brings the family maximum benefit. Maybe things will change again after I get a permanent job.

2. Personal and mutual friends and girlfriends

After two people start living together, their friends are divided into personal and general. Mutual friends- these are people who are always welcome at joint square meters, such friends are greeted and met on weekends. Personal friends- these are those who have completely different interests than your chosen one (chosen one), so you can introduce them, but it is impossible to force them to be friends.

There is nothing wrong with this division of people into personal and mutual friends. Personal friends are not a reason to quarrel, but an opportunity to become more confident in the eyes of your significant other.

3. Budget

Even if this is not a family budget yet, a “common pot” requires certain rules. Our joint budget consisted of all the money we earned. No one put off their N/W. We tried to manage our money wisely so that we had enough for the necessities and some left over for entertainment.

This approach still works today, years later. life together with my now husband. The budget turned out to be the easiest task to complete, which we immediately dealt with.

4. Personal space

Every person needs such space. Sometimes you just want to be alone. Sometimes you just want to be alone and think about plans, about life, about the right choices and priorities. It’s impossible to do this at work, it’s also hard to be left alone at home, which means you need to give the person freedom so as not to get bored - give him the opportunity to be alone for a few hours.


This could be going to the store to do some shopping (for girls) or visiting the garage to tighten the nuts on the car (for guys). For this purpose, bars, discos, parties, etc. are unacceptable, because they do not encourage a person to be alone, if you understand me...

It was not in vain that we tried


After six months of living together, we had a mutual desire to unite our relationship with marriage. We made this decision after we were able to practically understand each other and accept each other as we are. We tried to blunt the “thorns” that we had, if not break them off, so as not to injure each other.

Now ours family life allows you to grow and be educated further, and six months of trial and error are left behind, leaving only a slight smile of the memory of the first days lived together and the first rules that are now law.

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Evening meetings after a hard day at work, weekends together, plans for a joint vacation, you are great together, and all his ridiculous shortcomings and habits do not drive you crazy, but on the contrary delight you? Congratulations, you were hit by the arrows of the naughty Cupid. Living together is a lot of joint work. Therefore, each of the partners must be aware of what they are doing and whether they are ready for such responsibility.

Where to begin?

If the idea of ​​starting to live together has already matured in your head, and this idea is taking on real shape, then it’s time to discuss this issue with your man. After all, just think how nice it will be to wake up together not just once a week, but every day. If your chosen one also says that he likes this idea, then it’s time to act.

Living together is a real skill to be guided by compromise. Both of you will have something to lose - bachelor freedom, lack of responsibilities, your own space and other delights of free existence. In fact, many years can pass from the birth of the idea of ​​living together to its implementation. We invite you to find out tips on how to start a life together with a man.

Discuss any concerns together. If you feel insecure, then tell your man about it. Believe me, your chosen one has his own personal set of the same ridiculous fears. After all, he, like you, will part with his freedom.

Don't forget about distance. You need to discuss the general, keep your personal. Living together does not mean growing into your chosen one. You should have your own friends, habits, hobbies and interests. The right to privacy is a must!

It is worth discussing the following issues of living together: budget (how you will pay bills, buy groceries), consequences (spending should be discussed, otherwise one day your chosen one will buy a gadget, and you will buy a new dress, but it turns out that your union has more money no), everyday life (share household responsibilities), relationships with relatives, etc.

Remember that you should discuss all the simple things without touching on any of the issues, there may be constant disputes in your home. Even incorrectly laid out laundry can cause disputes.

Under no circumstances!

1. Issue an ultimatum. You should not say that if you do not live together, then your union is doomed to separation. IN in this case, you shouldn’t be sure that your man won’t decide in favor of the second option.
2. If your man said that he is not yet ready to live together, there is no need to discuss his disagreement many times. The hope that his opinion will change is scanty. So if something suddenly changes, your chosen one will let you know.
3. Do not come up with an explanation for the actions of your chosen one. This is a very thankless task, of course, but not if you have the ability to read minds from a distance.
4. Be offended if a man asks to give him some time to think. This time will give you the opportunity to think whether you need to move in now or is it too early.
5. Get hung up on the idea that moving in together will make your life perfect. It is impossible to predict this. Our life presents us with a lot of surprises, including unpleasant ones.

Where will you live together?

If the decision to live together has already been made, then you should think about where you will live. There are many options for solving this issue:

• him. You need to make sure that the man really wants you to move, and not just wanted to please you. There is no need to redo everything in his apartment. It’s better to ask him to give you a place for your personal belongings.
• flat rent. This the best option to start a life together. You will be in the same position, and therefore you will have to worry together about what curtains to choose, what rugs and pillows will decorate the interior, etc.
• a man moves in with you. Rearrange all the furniture together so you have some privacy and space for everyone. There is no need to command, this is a joint activity. A man should feel that he is yours common Home, and he is not just a temporary guest. Change your answering machine entry.

How not to lose yourself while living together?

Living together is a joyful event in the life of lovers, only after the grinding-in stage has passed, saturation with your soulmate appears. It is during this period that you want to meet your girlfriends, walk around squares and parks, and go shopping with your mother.

And it would seem that it is possible to complete the task, but then it turns out that your chosen one is against it. He doesn’t want to let his beloved go anywhere. Sometimes, the situation is the opposite - a girl is against her man meeting his friends. Thus, life together ceases to bring joy. In order to avoid disappointment in living together with your soulmate, you should always remember that each person should have their own personal life and their own interests.

Arrange to meet with your best friends, at the same time when your man goes to meet his friends. The main rule is that you should not get carried away with separate walks on an ongoing basis, so that interest in each other does not disappear. Sometimes, it happens that a couple breaks up because one of them went on a spree in the company of his friends, and the calm family life ceased to interest him.

Remember that the key to living together will be the ability to find compromises with your chosen one, negotiating and avoiding scandals and misunderstandings.

Discuss the question of who will come to visit you. So that there are no problems in the future that you are tired and want to relax, and at home you will have 100 guests - your man’s friends. Or even his mother will operate, arranging her son’s things, as her heart pleases. All these questions may seem trivial to you, but they require discussion.

Many couples are faced with the fact that the sexual component is changing. If some people think that sex will begin to fade, they will worry about how to let the passion fade, then they are mistaken. After all, there are a lot simple ways keep the secret of inaccessibility, imbuing your rapprochement with the passion that is observed during romantic evenings.

Passion will grow with mutual knowledge of each other while living together. Thanks to understanding and deep knowledge of your partner, you will be able to understand what he loves, what turns him on or, on the contrary, repels him. Your life together will be based on creating opportunities for sex, and not spontaneous sex during the first dates.

If you feel like you have become overwhelmed by the routine of living together, excellent option will leave home and go on vacation outside the city. Such a joint weekend will give you a lot of positive emotions.

Remember that you should not put your interests first. Now you and your man are one. If you put in a lot of effort together, your life together will be filled with joy and shared love. Your life should be comfortable for the two of you, it cannot be otherwise.

You must be willing to share. From now on there is no division – “mine” and “yours”. Everything is common. Understanding this will allow you to eliminate a lot of unpleasant moments in your life together.

You meet in the evenings after work, spend weekends together and plan joint vacation. You feel good together, you appreciate his strengths, and his shortcomings lead you to a state of delight. the site will tell you how to pass the test of living together with minimal losses.

The moment when the thought “why don’t we live together” takes on more and more real shape is sure to come. Are you with to varying degrees playfulness, you begin to discuss how great it would be to wake up under the same blanket every day. But words and actions are far from the same thing: your immediate readiness to change your life may not coincide with his plans for the near future. Living together from the very beginning involves the art of compromise. Both you and he have something to lose: bachelor’s freedom, reluctance to take on new obligations, familiar lifestyle and personal space are at stake. It is difficult and scary to decide to make changes - especially if you or he has already had negative experience. It can take years from the idea of ​​starting a joint household to its implementation - if you don’t discuss frankly what each of you really wants. the site will tell you what you need to talk about, and what, on the contrary, you should remain silent about, so that the beginning of your life together is successful.

Right:

Discuss concerns honestly.

If you feel insecure, just say: “I’m afraid to make a mistake: suddenly everything will go badly, we will have to break up and it will hurt me.” Have no doubt - your companion has his own set of a wide variety of serious and ridiculous fears, and you are able to dispel some of them.

Remember the distance.

Discuss the general, keep the personal. Living together does not mean growing into each other once and for all. Each of you has past life, work, friends, hobbies and habits that you don’t want to change. Agree on the right to privacy, no matter how absurd it may seem.

Cancel expectations.

Two adults who decide to live together each come with their own way of life and ideas about how and what to do correctly. If your parents never yelled at each other (or, on the contrary, they sorted things out exclusively by yelling), and on weekends your dad cooked breakfast for everyone, it’s not at all necessary that the same thing will happen in your potential family. Treat your new life like a researcher: observe and draw unhurried conclusions. In just a couple of months you will get to know each other’s reactions better, identify “sore spots” and “hot spots”.

Discuss in advance everything related to living together.

• Budget: Discuss whether it is shared or separate, how you will plan expenses, who will pay the bills and who will buy groceries.

  Possible consequences: Without raising this topic, one day you risk discovering that there is no money because it has run out. You accidentally stopped by a sale, and your loved one has just purchased another computer gadget.

• Everyday life: Check whether you share household chores or invite an au pair, whether you cook at home or dine in a restaurant.

  Possible consequences: In the process of living together, it may become clear that all matters in his mind are divided into male and female. Moreover, the men’s tasks are to put up and take out the Christmas tree, and all the rest are women’s tasks.

• Children: Find out if you plan to have a child, and if so, how soon. What will you do if unplanned pregnancy?

  Possible consequences: Having heard from your loved one that if you are pregnant, it would be best to have an abortion, think about whether this loved one is the right one. At the same time, remember that his willingness to live together means only willingness to live together, and does not necessarily imply babies and wedding ring soon.

• Relationships with relatives: Discuss whether you need to give your parents the keys to your apartment and whether you are going to spend weekends with them. Don't forget about your relatives: where will they live if they come to your city?

  Possible consequences: Without discussing these seemingly basic things, you run the risk of constantly bumping into people you barely know or don’t know at all in the house. Even the laundry in the closet may suddenly be laid out completely differently than you are used to, if someone’s mother came into the house while you were away.

Wrong:

Present ultimatums.

For example, saying “if we don’t move in together, it means we’re breaking up.” In this case, you can never be completely sure that he will not choose the second of the proposed options.

Discuss disagreement about living together many times in the hope that his opinion will change.

Opinions may change, but it is not a fact that hesitation and uncertainty do not transform into a sharp reluctance to live together.

Think for him and come up with explanations for his actions.

A thankless task if you do not have telepathic abilities.

Be offended if he asked for time to think.

A pause will give you the opportunity to check again how much you want it.

Getting hung up on the idea that everything should be perfect all at once.

It is impossible to predict in advance what an ideal man on a date will be like in everyday life. If everything in your life was the way you want, it would inevitably lose some of its charm and become too predictable.

So, you finally decided that you would be better together. You're both ready to pack your things and... What's next?

You have decided to rent a shared apartment

An ideal option to start your life together. None of you come as guests, you are in the same position. Choosing curtains, pillows, cups, a bath mat and other necessary and not so necessary things for the “nest”, planning expenses will bring you even closer together.

You decided to move in with him

Make sure he really wants it and didn't just agree to please you. Try not to break it right away established order(or disorder). Don't ask to change everything, but offer to give you a private space to put things away. There’s no point in sadly saying “where will I put my computer?”, it’s better to suggest thinking together how the best way create space for the two of you.

You invited him to move in with you

Rearrange the furniture together so everyone has space for their belongings and privacy. Do not command or be horrified by the seizure of territory, but calmly discuss what things you would like to leave unchanged. Confirm your willingness to change everything else for everyone's convenience. And change the answering machine record together!

Life together reminds ballroom dance, which takes two. How sensual and graceful it will be and how long it will last depends, by and large, not only on the movements of everyone, but solely on your general willingness to move together and harmoniously.