home › Health › If a man loves but does not want to marry. Why a man doesn’t want to get married: what to do and what are the reasons? Against a proposal from a girl

If a man loves but does not want to marry. Why a man doesn’t want to get married: what to do and what are the reasons? Against a proposal from a girl

You've been together for five years, but your chosen one ignores all hints about the wedding? Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky believes that this is a path to nowhere. And he tells you what to do.

First, let's understand what marriage is. This institution is thousands of years old, and its emergence had nothing to do with love. The concept of love in general arose historically not so long ago - in the Middle Ages. And marriage - it has always been about money, although now we are all accustomed to the fact that a wedding is about love. When a man marries, he takes on the obligation to support his wife and children. Believe me, nothing has changed in thousands of years, and when a couple lives in a so-called civil marriage, this means that the man does not want to be responsible for his woman.

Civil marriage is a myth. Read the Family Code: it only deals with officially registered relationships. So let's call a spade a spade: if you live with a partner who doesn't want to get married and comes up with a thousand excuses, you're just his mistress.

Of course, there are exceptions. For example, your man is a three-time widower. And he is afraid that if he marries you, you will also go to another world. But you must admit, this is extremely rare. In all other cases, if a guy does not want to take responsibility for your life, this means that he has not made the final choice, that he is not confident in either your relationship or his feelings.

So what to do, you ask? A classic female mistake is to sit and wait tensely. Either shed a tear, or say a barb, or opaquely hint: “Well, we were at the Petrovs’, and they were already married...” Pressing, persuading - this is all absolutely wrong, this is the behavior of a victim. This is how women behave who have gotten it into their heads that the world has turned like a wedge on this man.

Someone resorts to cheap manipulations. For example, your lover sees that you have started to look at other men, some correspondence appears, calls seem to be about work... This can blow a man’s mind, and he will run to the registry office in the morning. But I’m not sure that your marriage will last a lifetime: after all, the man did not make the decision himself, but was subjected to emotional blackmail.

Therefore, I propose another way, simple and clear. If you really love your boyfriend and want to have a family, tell him so directly. Option one: he is ready, and he proposes to you. Option two: it turns out that your goals do not coincide. And then you say: “I love you, but I’m leaving you because I want a family, and you can’t give it to me.” Do you know the Comedy Club joke: “No matter how a girl runs, she always runs so that she can be caught”? So, this is not your case. You are leaving for good. This is the behavior of an adult with a strong character who builds his own life.

Here they may ask me: “What if I do this, and the man says - don’t leave, I’ll get married!” If I were you, I wouldn't deal with this person. He has the wrong motivation. In fact, he does not love you, but is simply afraid to be alone.

Another question: how long after the start of a relationship do you wait before you start talking about marriage? This is a question from the “which date to sleep on” series. Whichever one you want. There are no optimal timings. If you feel that you are already ripe for a family, ask a question. The main thing: at this moment you should already be living together. If you are just dating, this is a story about nothing at all.

All the girls want to get married. And no matter what they say, in every young man they like, they subconsciously see their future husband. But often the desires of men and women do not coincide; the guys live well even in the status of a boyfriend. Then the girl seriously begins to wonder why the guy doesn’t want to get married, what doesn’t suit him? Let's try to understand the situation.

Problems of modern society

Modern society is very different from what it was 20-30 years ago. Then any person was considered respected not only for his labor successes, but also for his strong family and children. Young people dating each other were under strict public supervision, and if suddenly a guy “led a girl by the nose,” he was summoned to various educational meetings.

Today the situation is different. A man can delay the wedding for a long time, while receiving all the “cream” of family life. He no longer thinks about creating a strong cell - the basis of any state, but only pleases personal interests.

Simply put, many couples now live civil unofficial marriage. The better half is usually not happy with this situation, because as a potential mother she wants stability and confidence. So it turns out that a modern girl has to literally agree to all the conditions, knowing that at any moment she may find herself out of work.

Why don't guys want to get married?

So what’s stopping them from settling down and getting their passport stamped? Usually everyone cites the same reasons:

Financial insolvency. Family requires a certain responsibility, and not every representative of the stronger half is ready to take on it today. Now, in order to have a more or less decent income, you have to work 7 days a week without sick leave, holidays and weekends. It’s much easier for one person; there’s enough money to go on vacation and go fishing with friends;
Often leaves an imprint past negative experience family life. After an unsuccessful previous marriage, the divorced person will look closely for a long time, and will most likely abandon this idea altogether;
Many men say that afraid of ruining the relationship. Now everything is romantic and beautiful, but once you plunge into the atmosphere of family life, not a trace of love will remain;

Thus, it turns out that there are plenty of reasons. The weight of some of them leaves many doubts. But nothing can be done, now the girl have to act according to the prevailing circumstances.

How to get a guy to marry you?

And yet, there comes a time in a man's life when he ready start a family. Only he lacks motivation, and he is already accustomed to this lifestyle. You need to feel this moment and organize active activities:

Try to explain to him that together it is easier to cope with financial difficulties. You will spend the total budget on your needs. And the parents will not abandon the young family, they will help at first;
If he's afraid lose freedom and prefers to live informally “for now” - let him understand that you are also free in your choice;
When he blames everything on past bad experience, we need to help forget him. Let him be convinced that things will be different with you. Try to be delicate with him, do not remember your previous marriage in the heat of the moment. Prove that family life can be a joy.

Of course, all this is similar to raising a small child. You have to explain everything down to the smallest detail, convince and put on a whole performance. But everyone knows that men are like children. Having acquired a gentleman, you can consider that you have become a mother.

In this video, psychologist Anatoly Govorunov will tell you several effective ways to help push a guy to get married:

What kind of women do men prefer?

Everyone has noticed that some women have endless suitors, while others always stand on the sidelines. Sometimes a girl is pretty and smart, but she just has no luck. How to behave so that men like you?

There is a myth that guys prefer to marry virgins. Today, girls lose their virginity early and usually get married already knowing what’s what. Therefore, getting a virgin bride may be tempting. But others, on the contrary, prefer not to be the first, but want to spend time with an experienced partner;
And the saying that guys love some and marry others has long been proven. A man wants to have a reliable rear, so he often marries a homely, modest young lady. It’s good to spend time with a bright and passionate woman, but you want to come home when there is peace and quiet, dinner is ready and the children are in perfect order;

So draw the conclusion that you need to learn to combine a little bit of everything. However, don't forget that you shouldn't focus on pleasing guys. Most likely, you just haven’t met your soul mate yet. In the meantime, gain wisdom and experience so as not to lose when you meet.

What should you not do?

Some girls, in pursuit of their betrothed, commit rash acts. As a result, they find themselves in irreparable situations.

To avoid this do not use old and no longer relevant methods:

Don't try to keep him pregnant. Such a marriage usually never leads to good things, you risk becoming a single mother, and the child will grow up without a father;
Don't “show off.” Sometimes women pretend to be ideal partners, pleasing their lover in every way. But after the wedding they “take off the mask” and complaints, quarrels and scandals begin. This should not be done; now you can get a divorce without leaving your home.

The main advice is not to listen to the recommendations of relatives and friends. Focus on your intuition and his desires. If a guy doesn’t want to, you can try to stimulate him towards family life, but this must be done gently, unobtrusively, otherwise he may simply leave. And sometimes it’s better to do nothing, everything will come on its own.

Conspiracy to make a guy marry

You can resort to magic to calm your soul. Read the plot and believe that he will help, and self-hypnosis, as you know, is a powerful thing:

Take any drink that the person being charmed prefers. Say the words over him and give him a drink: “As this water runs through you, so let the road lead to me. Just come to me dear, I will become your faithful beloved wife. May you not meet anyone on this path, I am worthy of you alone”;
Or use a candle. Sit at night under a clear moon in the lotus position, light a candle, pick up his photograph. Looking at the photo, clearly imagine the image of your loved one in your head and say: “As a candle burns with a red flame, so let (name) desire me. I will be his only betrothed, that’s what I command now. He can't live without me for a day. Let him run headlong towards me.” After the last words, clap your hands three times, extinguish the candle with your fingers, and put the photo under your pillow.

In some cases, it is better to act this way - your nerves will be calmer. Sentence him quietly and wait for help. At the same time, of course, do not forget what we wrote above.

In conclusion, I would like to note that when a guy does not want to get married, in some cases there is nothing you can do. Well, he’s not ready yet, morally or financially. However, this does not oblige you to wait; if you want to have your own hearth, you can try to find other options.

Video: if a man doesn’t propose for a long time

In this video, psychologist Denis Kostin will tell you why a guy may not want to marry a girl, the most common reasons and a way out of the situation:

Let's raise a painful topic for many girls and women, namely, the situation when a beloved man or boyfriend does not want to get married. What if you have been together for several years, but he is not ready to start a family, and he says so directly? Should we look for ways to push him to this important step, or wait patiently for him to mature? Or maybe just give up everything and look for happiness in a relationship with another person? In this article you will find answers to your questions.

Find benefit in this

It sounds surprising, but there is a plus even in this situation. Are you upset that they don’t want a serious relationship with you? But his relationship is with you. Most likely, what he can offer you is the maximum he is capable of at the moment. A guy or a man doesn’t want to get married and talks about it openly? You have no idea how lucky you are!

Here is a real example, a common situation: A guy thinks that he can cope with the responsibilities of a spouse and starts a family. After a few months, he realizes that he has not yet worked up, or that his decision to become the husband of this particular girl was a mistake. The best thing that can happen is not a wedding, but a divorce, because he will never be able to make her happy, and he himself will not be happy. But how nice it would be if everything were so simple! By this moment, she is quite likely already expecting a child from him, or they have managed to accumulate joint loans, or something else is happening that becomes an obstacle to breaking off the relationship. Yes, against the backdrop of such events, she herself will begin to yearn for those times when she suffered because he did not want to get married!

It turns out that a man who does not rush things thinks sensibly, and most often this characterizes him as a very responsible person. He simply doesn’t take on anything he can’t do yet.

Why is he acting this way?

If a guy or man does not want to get married, his beloved begins to look for reasons or excuses for his behavior. Let us consider both cases in more detail.

There is a reason if:

He is not ready to support his family. A person adequately assesses his capabilities, does not want his wife and future children to live in poverty, does not want to be financially dependent on odd jobs or parents;
The housing issue is a problem. The theory of heaven in a hut is acceptable only to very young people, and only before marriage. The guy doesn't want to get married because until you have the opportunity to live separately? The option of living with his parents or in cramped conditions does not suit him, and this is understandable;
He's young. Every man, even if he denies it, should have youth! This is the pleasure of having no obligations, freedom, the joy of communicating with friends, and other joys of life that are not always combined with family life. He can get married at 18, but sooner or later he will regret the missed opportunity to enjoy all the delights of a bachelor's life. Girls, do you need it? Let it be better now than when you are on maternity leave with two children in your arms! And he will most likely appreciate your patience in this situation.

We talked about the real reasons why a man does not want to get married. Now let’s look at the most common men’s excuses and excuses, because of which girls waste time and miss opportunities.

There is no reason if he:

Time is ticking. If the relationship is strong (from your point of view) and long-lasting, but the guy does not want to get married, and his arguments are simply ridiculous, you should think about it. Options like “I can’t get married before my older brother,” “I’ll get a second degree, then we’ll get married,” “My parents aren’t used to you yet,” and everything like that suggests that marriage with you is simply not for him. needed;
Walks away from the conversation. Are you tired of waiting for initiative and time is running out? We decided to clarify things ourselves and asked him a question, but he changed the subject? It would be better if he openly told you that he doesn’t want to get married, but not everyone can do that. Not all men are decisive, not all are ready for difficult conversations. Most likely, he is at ease with you, but the most he can offer you is an open relationship;
Makes you look for arguments. Every attempt you make to start a conversation about the wedding ends in an argument. In response, you hear something like “Are we so bad?”, “What does a stamp in a passport change?”, or something else like that. It's sad because this man doesn't want to get married, and it doesn't matter if the reason is you. It’s definitely not possible for you to have a family with him.

If the reasons are far-fetched, then you are wasting your youth on the wrong person. Perhaps he needs a more promising bride, with wealthy parents and free living space, but you and your romance and love are not included in his plans. It’s a shame, it hurts, but the sooner you understand this, the less time you’ll lose.

What not to do

Many girls want to get married so much that they act thoughtlessly, and as a result they ruin their lives, and not only that.

To prevent this from happening, do not use old, and as practice has shown, ineffective techniques:

Pregnancy. Marriage out of necessity will most likely destroy your relationship completely. If this happens, it will not be on his initiative, but under duress. Even worse could happen - he will simply leave you, and you will become a single mother;
The illusion of mutual understanding. You shouldn’t pretend to be an ideal woman who will turn a blind eye to any of his antics, who lives only by his interests, and who never has a headache. After the wedding, you will have more worries, and in general, you will want stability. Claims, quarrels, resentments will begin, and relationships will deteriorate;
False perspectives. If your loved one has it written on his forehead that he agrees to marry not the woman he loves, but the bride’s money or square meters of her living space, as often happens, do not try to deceive him. It’s one thing if this option initially suits both and everyone knows what they’re getting into. In this situation, for the sake of marrying him, you consciously provide him with the necessary opportunities. If you cannot offer him this, do not deceive him. Don’t expect that when he sees how much you love him, he will forget that he was looking for material gain in marriage with you. This doesn't happen in the real world.

Initiative on your part is appropriate only if the guy treats you sincerely, but is a little indecisive. It may also be that he is afraid of not being able to cope alone with all the responsibility that family life implies. In this case, it would be a good idea to let him know that you will also try as hard as you can. In other cases, it is better not to rush things, so as not to be disappointed when you become a married woman.

Creating a family is a very responsible step, and in order to do it, you need the mutual desire of two loving people to never separate again, to constantly take care of each other, to give birth and raise common children.

But it happens that there seems to be mutual love, and the relationship develops well, develops, and everything goes towards two loving hearts uniting together. But... the man gives up. He's scared. He is afraid of the colossal responsibility that will fall on his shoulders after marriage.

Where does the fear of responsibility come from?

The man is afraid of the amount of work ahead that will have to be done in order to adequately provide for his family.
He is used to life without obligations.
Afraid of losing freedom, personal time, personal space.

Why don't men want to get married? Causes

Does not rule out the possibility of finding a more profitable party
Self-doubt: he doubts that he will be able to create and provide for a family.
He doesn’t see you as a reliable life partner, he’s not sure that he can live his whole life with you.
He does not have a permanent place of residence and his work involves long, long trips.
He fears that once you get married, you will quickly turn into an unattractive, ridiculous person, but he always wants to have a beautiful, sexy, interesting woman.
Your behavior is too masculine. You wear short hair, dress in a masculine manner, and swear rudely.
You are good to everyone, you are wonderful, but you have an intolerable character - you like to command, shout down, stubbornly stand your ground.
He is too independent and free, and marriage is a very serious step. The man treats him too responsibly and is not yet ready for marriage.
A man is so used to living without obligations that he simply cannot imagine himself in the role of a spouse. He is afraid that his family will take away his time, which he is used to devoting to his hobbies and pleasures, and after the wedding he will have to spend it on his wife.

What should a woman do if a man doesn’t want to get married?

First of all, you still need to wait some time. Often a man is sure that it is too early for him to get married, and it takes him time to get used to this idea. In order for your loved one to decide to propose to you, you need to be wise and prudent.

A man needs comfort, peace, mutual understanding. Accustom him to the idea that it is you who can provide him with all this.
There is no need to try to subjugate him to yourself - he does not like to be trained and does not give in to it.
Hint to him that the status of a married man is very highly valued in society, such a man is treated with great confidence. The bosses will respect him more and, perhaps, offer him a tempting position.
By getting married, a man receives an additional incentive to grow in his career.
Sometimes a woman begins to persuade her lover to marry and insist on it. But men cannot stand obsessions. Don’t insist that he meets you every day, don’t ask for it, show your love in moderation.
Men need smart, well-groomed, flexible wives who will always take care of them, show understanding, and help and support them in difficult times.
Most often, sociable, charming, charismatic women who know their worth are married.
You must be wise and reasonable, quite brave and a little cunning, and be able to remain silent when necessary.
Those women who can present themselves competently and create a proper reputation for themselves get married easily.

Why does a woman remain lonely?

So, if you are not yet married, urgently start working on yourself, eradicating shortcomings. After all, a woman can be lonely because:

Too demanding of men;
She picks on them.
Argues and persistently imposes his point of view.
Can easily humiliate a man.
He behaves like a man.

Often there are chic, but unapproachable and inaccessible beauties who cannot afford their prices. They are lonely because they do not see men in their circle worthy of their magnificence. Such people may remain forever without a husband, never having waited for their prince.

Why don't men get married? Why doesn't a man propose marriage? What is the stumbling block?

This article is like an x-ray of male thinking. And most importantly, you will understand where the roots of this very thinking are.

In this case, the broad topic is how to get married. One of its aspects is why men don’t get married, why men don’t propose marriage.

And here we will look exclusively at the causes and causes of this one aspect. I'm sure many will find it useful.

Well, in the following articles I will cover other aspects of the exciting topic of how to get married.

Let `s start?

Doesn't propose marriage

Why?

Example of others

Starting with the family in which the man grew up. What is the relationship between the parents? This is the first thing a future man concludes about marriage. If relationships in the family were not harmonious, then an understanding arises in his head: why get married at all if everything will be just as bad later?

And vice versa, if the parents were doing well in their relationship, then the man views marriage adequately.

In terms of the power of influence, the following is the example of friends, TV, films, etc. We often hear jokes that marriage is difficult, it’s work, don’t get married under any circumstances, why do you need these problems... All this has a huge influence. And I would even say - suggestion.

Fear of responsibility

Screenshot from Wikipedia:

Most men associate the concept of responsibility with negative emotions.

A 9-year-old boy, Seryozha, decided to help his parents carry one of the heavy bags from the supermarket. As a result, the package was torn out of the son’s hands and a glass bottle of milk broke.

His parents scolded him. After all, milk is very necessary for preparing breakfast the next morning.

Will Seryozha want to take on [so far minor] responsibility again? Hardly. After all, on a subconscious level he now has a connection: responsibility = criticism, negativity, etc.

It’s better not to take responsibility at all, then they won’t scold me.

No responsibility = everything is fine.

If the parents reacted calmly, allowing their son to correct the situation himself, then this is already .

A man is not one who does not make mistakes, but one who takes responsibility, acts, makes mistakes, corrects himself and moves on.

How do you think most boys [without realizing it] were raised in the Russian-speaking space? This is where the legs grow.

Men don’t want not to get married... They don’t want to take responsibility.

It is too early

Or hyper-responsibility.

That is, the man clearly understands that he is responsible for the prosperity of his family and future children. And he thinks that it’s too early: he hasn’t made money on Porsche, he hasn’t bought an apartment.

“When I reach a good level of development, then I will boldly get married.”

For example, I have similar fears about children.

I grew up with a lack of material things (although this is far from the main thing). Because of this, parents often quarreled. And until I get reinforced concrete confidence that my children will live without needing anything, it will be a difficult step for me to have a child.

Looking ahead, I will say that a woman can “turn” this male fear into a woman’s favor.

Fear of losing freedom

It is extremely important for men to be needed. And at the same time feel freedom (instead of a “cage”). Often women go overboard with showing need and giving love.

It turns out like this:

“Strangled with my love” (c)

Most men associate marriage with loss of freedom. With some restrictions. He will no longer be able to spend so much time with friends, devote to his hobbies and development.

After all, now there will be an official wife who has the right to encroach on men’s freedom. And then there are the children.

And if a woman already limited a man’s freedom during a relationship, then what will happen after marriage?..

Why didn't you answer the phone?

I don't want you to go with your friends.

The more a woman limits a man, the more a man wants to “break the rules.”

Fear of making mistakes

A man gets married, time passes, and then it turns out that it was in vain. That is, initially the man doubts and thinks that he can meet someone better.

Because getting married for a man is a choice for many years, and maybe for life. And I absolutely don’t want to realize after a couple of years of marriage that I made the mistake of my decision.

A man considers it normal for a couple to live together in a civil marriage and “look closely” at each other. Another thing is that this often drags on for N periods of time and develops into the next reason No. 6.