How to understand whether we meet or not. You are too different people
So, we have already written 16 articles, where we touched very deeply on various topics in the field of relationships. You can read all past articles on this one.
Let's touch on a topic today, the answer to which we think mostly at that moment when it's too late to make decisions.
Chances are, you've also been in situations where things are overwhelming: applying to university, interviewing for a job, an urgent project... Perhaps you just painted your goals and plans for life and here - SHE - LOVE ON THE HORIZON... Like snow on the head ...
What to do? To meet or not? Reciprocate or give a sign that doesn't she belong here?
This question depends on your preparation and maturity to build relationships. If this situation occurs, we recommend asking yourself a few questions:
1. Am I ready for a relationship? Do I need to date now?
It is important to identify your main motive… You only want to date because Is that what everyone around you does? Perhaps you have complexes and you definitely need to have someone around? Are you bored alone and do you need a person to overcome your loneliness? Or vice versa, you are completely ready and want to start a family?
Decide why you are now building a relationship? After all, feelings are not a game. If you are ready to build a family - it will take a lot of time and patience to do this, and if you just want to “play”, then most likely you will lose another six months or a year to restore their emotions ...
- Read also:
If you read Marilyn Monroe's biography, you probably noticed that she always dreamed of a smart man who could fill her educational gaps. and become her mentor... Because of this, she rushed into the arms from one man to another, never realizing that no one will solve her internal complexes, except for herself. It is important to be ready to “give” in a relationship, not just “take” or use.
2. Is this the right person?
What are you dreaming about? How do you imagine your life partner? The problem with most young people is that they throw themselves on the neck to the first person you meet. We all guess what in most cases such relationships lead to. You must be firmly confident in your choice, so that later do not blame anyone and do not consider yourself a victim.
Just recently we heard the story of a family that has been living together for 10 years . The couple has three children. At the beginning of their acquaintance, all the relatives dissuaded the young man from communicating with this particular girl, but he was on her side and strongly defended his choice. Time passed and the husband began to reproach his wife and say hurtful things to her face, like: « Everyone was right, you shouldn't have been married!» ... And where did love go? Man! You gave her vows to love until death do you part...
It is very important to be sure in the person who claims to be your soulmate. You create a family once and for all! Make this decision to save yourself from bad thoughts in the future.
3. Is this person sincere with me? How well do I know him?
Learn more about this person. Ask questions that will show you his worldview and values. What are this man's dreams? Are you sure you are on the same page with him?
Flirting and relationships are different concepts, but often go hand in hand. In order to understand whether there is a relationship between you, you should carefully look at your general actions and deeds.
There is a whole list of actions that helps to understand what kind of relationship occurs between a guy and a girl. You spend leisure time together, often call back, came up with affectionate nicknames for each other, but did not talk about relationships. This happens when two people in love understand that they are together and do not touch on this topic. But it also happens that one of the partners is confused and wonders what is happening. Is it friendship or something more?
Sign one
The partner plans meetings, is interested in your plans for a particular day, asks permission to call and invite you for a walk, to the cinema, a cafe, or simply offers to spend leisure time together. Thus, he shows your importance, appreciates your opinion and personal time. With this approach, you can definitely say: yes, you are in a relationship.
Sign two
Sign three
Meeting relatives and close friends. It is unlikely that being in a simple friendly relationship will lead you to meet your parents. Usually, when inviting a partner to visit, it is enough to simply observe his actions. If he is nervous, squeezes your hand tighter than usual, looks into your eyes, as if looking for support, you mean a lot to him. Also listen to how you are introduced. Usually, with such an acquaintance, the partner says: “Get acquainted, this is my girlfriend / boyfriend.”
Sign four
Trusting relationship. Together you discuss personal topics, share experiences, discuss the behavior of relatives, plan a joint future, let each other into the hidden corners of the soul and trust secrets. With such an attitude, it is very difficult to remain friends, so you are most likely in a relationship.
Sign five
You are often together, call up and talk on the phone for hours, do not always clean up before the arrival of a partner and allow yourself some liberties in clothes. Your partner knows about the peculiarities of your body, is able to go to the store for intimate hygiene products and is not embarrassed at all. You openly hold hands in public, kiss, show tenderness and care. This state of affairs leaves no questions - yes, you are in a relationship.
In order to understand what you mean to each other, it is important to collect your thoughts and talk. A serious topic will dot it all, and a direct question that interests you will be resolved. Be bolder, because the further development of events depends on this question, which will show whether you are a couple or just friends. Strong to you and mutual love, wonderful emotions, and do not forget to press the buttons and
Girls, girls and even grandmothers - in general, women of any age and with any experience are happy to be deceived when it comes to relationships. You have probably already been in this situation: it seems to you that the sympathy is mutual, and there is already a relationship. Wait, isn't it already? Are those smiles and compliments just to hook you up and play around a bit?
How to understand that you are already dating, and not just flirting or liking each other?
How to determine his intentions without asking "on the forehead"? There are some very clear "symptoms" that show that you are already becoming a couple. Others he, by and large, do not need. And you, on the contrary, are very much needed! Let's try to arrange the "identification marks" on your joint road in order of importance.
Sign one: he schedules meetings.
You don't just cross paths occasionally, chat or have a good time. He asks in advance: will I call on Wednesday? When will you be free?
Conclusion: it takes into account your capabilities and your time. He thinks that you may have business and is interested in meeting soon. You are dating!
The second sign, less obvious: he shares his plans with you.
Conclusion: He takes you seriously. You are most likely the only one. If you are not in the friend zone, and he compliments you, if your communication flares up, you are dating!
The third sign, the most important one:
He introduces you to close people, is not afraid to show his colleagues, he went with you to his grandmother ... How much loved ones mean in life! If every “girl for a couple of meetings” you liked were introduced to friends and family, their patience would have snapped long ago! So, you are unique, and he is ready to let you into his life.
Conclusion: you are dating, and oh-la-la, everything is very serious with you!
No matter how smart sociologists and your mother keep saying that men are no longer the same, but you can still understand that you are dating by persistent interest and increasing attention, by his willingness to share his life with you. And if you also agree with this statement, be sure to share this article with your friends. But only with the closest!
“Many women imagine that they are in a relationship with a man on the basis that they see each other regularly or from time to time: going to cafes together, walking in nature, meeting on weekends, having sex. Time passes, and they do not understand the nature of such a relationship. Either friendly flirting, or it is with the prospect of serious intentions, ”says psychologist Julia Plyakha.
How to understand that you are a couple?
He is your boyfriend, if he fulfills all your wishes and whims, tasks as directed. Such a man clearly wants to please you, to please, to please. Your joy gives him pleasure.
He listens to your opinion. As soon as you inadvertently remember that your favorite candies are "Arrow", as on the next date, he will give these candies. Moreover, the man does everything as carefully and "accidentally".
A man always tries to be in the field of view of the object of his adoration, seeks to draw attention to himself. His appearance often changes: a new suit, an exquisite perfume, a fashionable haircut. Yes, he wants to please you!
A man can be very awkward in the company of a woman - if this happens, then love is overflowing, and you can safely call him your boyfriend. Physiological processes cannot be reversed, and sweaty palms, shortness of breath or rapid heartbeat will be noticeable. It is also important to pay attention to non-verbal signals. If a man has real feelings for you, he can be very worried in your presence - shake off non-existent dust from his clothes, smooth his hair, straighten his shoulders or back, the “cowboy” position - spread his legs shoulder-width apart and put his hands on the belt.
If you cannot understand who is next to you: just a friend or boyfriend, pay attention to touch. Gentle, unobtrusive, light, tactful. A man can show with his gestures that you are his beloved woman. This can manifest itself during a walk or at dinner in a restaurant, in a crowded place or a secluded corner. This can be a slight touching of the hand, touching the back, elbows, stretching out the hand when leaving the car.
Romeo in love reacts differently to the presence of the desired lady of the heart. Some will constantly look for meetings, there may be long telephone conversations or frequent gentle and romantic SMS messages. Others will show maximum signs of attention, fill up with gifts, give flowers every day. Still others, on the contrary, will withdraw into themselves and enthusiastically listen to the stories of their beloved.
Some men strive to tell as much as possible about themselves, and positive things, in order to make a good impression and look like a hero in the eyes of a woman.
Signs that you are a couple
A guy in love will certainly be jealous of his chosen one. He will not be able to tolerate his potential rivals in the immediate vicinity. He can be assertive and even aggressive with men who will curl around you.
Sometimes the look of a man can say much more than his words, deeds and actions. On the one hand, he tries not to look the girl in the eyes, because they can betray him, all his feelings. On the other hand, a woman can constantly feel the eyes of a man on her. When she is turned to him sideways or back. He involuntarily glides over all corners and parts of the body, trying to capture in memory the image of his beloved. His eyes sparkle as he gazes adoringly at the one that has captivated his heart. A close and attentive look often betrays a man in love. Because he unconsciously tries to consider signs of interest, desire or excitement in his passion.
The most important proof that you are a couple is a man's open statement! Yes, he officially declares you. He notifies everyone else that you are his woman, and that he is next to you and takes it seriously. He does not hesitate to be sincere in his intentions.
If you are more than a woman who is just around, who is just comfortable to spend time with, a man will protect you. There is not a single real man who would not protect what is his. It is important for a woman to feel safe, to know that he will support her in case of any threat or danger, will not allow anyone to offend her and is ready to stand up for her.
What to do if the behavior of a man is ambiguous and difficult to understand, are you a couple or just having a good time?
Be sincere and frank and share what worries and worries in your soul. If a man wants to continue dating on the same grounds, be firm. Avoid blaming and don't try to make him feel guilty. Combine honesty with calmness and confidence. For example, the words might be: “I really like you. I'd like more than just occasional meetings. Therefore, I'm not sure that we should continue in the same spirit. At least until you feel the same as me." Of course, there is no guarantee that after such words the attitude of a man towards you will change. But here the plus is that you will stop the situation in which you experience discomfort, which burdens you. You will stop the behavior of men who hurt you and reduce your self-esteem. You will push away manipulative men who increase their self-esteem at the expense of you.
Your honesty will show a man that you are a self-sufficient woman who is able to control herself and her life in general. That you are a mature enough person, have the wisdom to openly talk about feelings, express them. Even showing thereby their vulnerability. And at the same time, strong enough to refuse relationships that do not suit you. In such situations, it most often happens that a man, after listening to you, disappears for a while. But if this is your destiny, he will reappear and strive to be better and behave differently.
But should a woman push a man into a serious relationship? What are the downsides?
Feeling in limbo, when it is not clear whether you are friends or lovers, the girl accumulates a lot of anxiety, fear, and she tries to take control of everything, so to speak, into her own hands and influence, change the current situation. As a rule, the desire for change is manifested in pushing a man to the altar. For men, it's catastrophic. They do not tolerate pressure or manipulation. They close in on themselves, “cover themselves with a shell”, move away, and then completely disappear. A woman's desire to force things and plan a relationship for two is usually detrimental to relationships, bringing coldness, emotional detachment, distance, and possibly even a breakup. An attempt to pressure and force a man to do something will always be unsuccessful, even if he really wants it. A man needs to feel and know that he makes decisions and that he chooses the time to make them, that he is the leader in the relationship.
You need to understand that you cannot force a man to seek you. He may have his own personal reasons and motives for behaving this way. Maybe such a twist of fate is only to your advantage, because it makes room for something else, new, better, more suitable. Or maybe these are just temporary difficulties in life.
Suppose it is clear from the outset that your opinions differ on important issues. You understand the roles and responsibilities in a couple in different ways, he is not ready to accept your children, or you do not agree on religion and politics. You understand this, but you are irresistibly drawn to this person.
Well, enjoy the moment, but keep in mind: when the veil of first feelings and emotions dissolves, you will have to deal with these discrepancies. And even poorly concealed irritation towards your cat will sooner or later overflow the cup of patience.
Compromises in which you feel like you are losing yourself as a person or sacrificing the interests of those you care about undermine the alliance and eventually destroy it. Mira Kirshenbaum, author of Is He Really the Right One for You?, offers five important criteria to help you answer this question.
1. You are extremely easy with him, although you know each other quite recently. Funny when he jokes, warm and comfortable in silence. You don't think about what impression you make.
2. You feel safe with him. This means that the partner is mature enough and has managed to build a harmonious relationship with himself. Thanks to this quality, he will not involve you in solving internal problems. He is interested in your thoughts and feelings, and you are not afraid that he will use your openness against you.
3. You have fun with him. The ability to make you laugh, to please with a surprise, to come up with something that will make your heart beat is a sure sign that you got a lucky ticket in the lottery of heart connections. The ability to please each other gives rise to a sense of unity, which helps the couple to endure difficult trials more easily.
4. You are physically attracted to each other. You feel good in bed and from the very beginning it is clear that you do not have to adapt to the temperament and habits of each other, they coincided. You experience both passion and tenderness.
5. You respect him for the qualities that he managed to demonstrate. Any chemistry dies in the absence of respect.
Do you feel that your new friend is close to you and want the relationship to develop? How to determine that your desires match?
1. He keeps his word. If he promised that he would call, you will hear a call. Inviting to spend the weekend together, he will not report at the last moment about urgent work. When a man is interested, he will do everything to keep his promise.
2. Dates with you are a priority. Even if he is very busy, he finds time not only for messages and phone calls showing that he thinks of you, but also for meetings.
3. You're dating for more than just sex. If most often he offers to see you alone - most likely, he considers your relationship only as a pleasant, but temporary episode. In the future, this connection will either end or turn into a friendly union, where friendly communication also implies sex from time to time.
4. He likes to talk about what interests you. He asks questions about plans and hobbies and listens to what you tell.
5. He includes you in his life and introduces you to people who are dear to him.. True, the situation changes if he has children. In this case, he may not rush things and introduce you to the child when he is sure of your joint future.
6. He doesn't hesitate to show affection towards you. both in front of strangers and in the presence of their family or friends.
7. It boosts your self-esteem. The person who loves and appreciates you turns out to be a mirror that reflects your best features.
8. If you have children, he is open to meeting them. Of course, this meeting may not take place immediately, but the lack of interest and willingness to communicate with your child at the very beginning is a sign that the relationship will not work out.
9. He includes you in his plans for the future.. It is unlikely that he will immediately begin to dream about how you will get married. But if he began to plan significant events with you - for example, buying a gift and going to a loved one's birthday or a joint vacation - it means that he has already entered you into the script of his life.
If he says from the very beginning that he is not ready for a relationship, then he is. Do not be under the illusion that meeting you will change everything, this will only lead to disappointment.
