Resentment towards parents is like abandonment of one's own life. Resentment towards parents of adult children: how to cope, I can’t forgive

Good afternoon, dear readers! Relationships with parents are not always simple and easy. But these are the closest and dearest people on the planet. What to do if there is a grudge against the parents of adult children? Today I propose to work together to understand the causes of grievances, discuss what options are available to improve communication and what feelings of guilt can lead to.

Parents are not chosen

I'll tell you one interesting story. One girl was very pleased with her mother. The father left them in childhood, and the mother tried to become a friend for her girl. All her classmates were terribly jealous and said that her mother was the best in the world.

The girl thought so for a very long time. But when she got older, she realized that her mother-friend was not acting like a parent, but like a friend. As a result, this relationship fell apart, and the mother stopped communicating with the girl due to deep resentment.

There are a huge number of problems in relationships between children and adults. Manipulation, lack of attention, overprotection, domestic violence, and so on ad infinitum. Parents can even unknowingly inflict deep emotional wounds on their child.

Since mom and dad are not chosen, children are left to choose their communication option. Some adapt and behave the way mom and dad want.

Others choose tactics of strict defense of their personal space. Some people stop all communication altogether. Here everything depends only on your desire and capabilities.

There is a very interesting direction in psychology - transactional analysis. If we don’t delve into theory, but talk only about possible options for communication between people, then we will find three states of a person: parent, adult, child. This gives us nine possible contacts.

Mom and dad very rarely choose “adult” tactics for themselves. They almost always act like “parents”, considering you a “child”, regardless of age. Of course, it is necessary to try to transfer communication to an “adult-to-adult” state. But this does not always work out.

I present to your attention the article “”. Since parents are not chosen, children have to make every effort to make communication comfortable for both parties.

Cause of resentment

There are an endless number of reasons why children are offended by their mothers and fathers.

They took away their favorite toy as a child, forbade them from seeing friends, their father was rude, they didn’t keep their promises, and so on. You can figure out your case yourself. But a psychologist will be a good assistant in this matter. He will be able to look from the outside at mistakes in communication between you and your father or mother. Don't forget that more often than not both sides are at fault.

If the problem lies on the surface, you understand perfectly well why you are offended, then solving the situation is not so difficult. Any story must be complete. Resentment and guilt develop into aggression and anger towards a person. Until you close the issue, you will continue to experience negative emotions, communication will be strained and forced.

If your offense is not so open and simple in nature, then it will be much more difficult to resolve the situation. One of my clients came with a question: I feel inexplicable and unreasonable anger at my father. She didn’t understand at all why this was happening, but it had been gnawing at her from the inside for many years.

As we communicated, we slowly got to the bottom of the truth. As a result, it turned out that in childhood her father punished her for an offense she had not committed. All this time, she had a feeling of injustice and resentment for undeserved punishment.

I really don’t recommend that you delve into the depths of your subconscious on your own. The main problem may be that you open the problem, but cannot close it correctly. Then the consequences will be very sad. Don't be afraid to seek help from a specialist.

Another reason for resentment against a mother or father can be manipulation on their part. In the article “” I discuss this problem in great detail. If you feel under the control and power of one of your parents, then be sure to read it.

Close the situation

We approached the question of how to forget childhood grievances, improve relationships, how to respect your parents if you feel negative towards them.

The answer lies in closing the problem. If you are well aware of what your mother did that makes you feel uncomfortable and uneasy, then the solution is to have a frank and honest conversation.

Remember that the conversation will be unpleasant and difficult. This requires some effort on your part.

First, speak clearly, concisely and as objectively as possible. Explain your position, tell about the action that greatly offended you. Express your thoughts and feelings related to this situation. Do not raise your voice, do not blame or pester your mother or father. Speak calmly and relaxed.

If talking doesn't help you get rid of this feeling, then you can try letting it go.

First, forgive your mother. You don't have to tell her about it. Forgive her for yourself.

Secondly, understand that you are no longer a child, that situation happened a long time ago and now should not affect your happiness and communication with your parents.

Try to put yourself in your father's place and look at this story through his eyes. Try to feel all his emotions associated with the problem. Why did he do this? What prompted him to do such an act? This will help you look at things from more than just one side.

Don't forget that you choose how you communicate with your parents. Rare and short meetings will be more filled with warmth and affection. When you don't see each other for a long time, you get bored. And when you meet, you will not have time to sort things out.

If you are completely unable to bear communicating with your mother and are thinking about stopping seeing each other completely, then I recommend that you do not rush into such a decision. Try contacting a psychologist who will tell you various options for solving the problem.

After all, you can stop communication at any time, but it is not always possible to establish it.
In the article “” you will find a large number of useful, practical and interesting tips that can help you establish healthy and harmonious contact.

If you want to be more savvy in the issue of relationships with parents, I recommend choosing the literature you like and broadening your views on this problem. From this link you can find what suits you best - https://www.ozon.ru/

What action offended you? Why are you angry with your parents? How do you deal with this? Tell us, share your story with us. It can be much easier to find a solution to a problem together!

Be patient and calm!

This applies even more to parents. Have you met a person who scolds his mother? Be careful with him. And if it’s not him, it’s her, too. Nothing good awaits you with such a friend, and especially with your wife.

But many people, although they have heard, do not understand this rule. Some women even rejoice when they hear a man scolding his ex. It’s good that she was stupid, ugly and a bitch, so he can appreciate such a bright sun like her. This means that he will not compare her in favor of his ex, which means he will never return back and will generally take care of her. No matter how it is. All the epithets that a person bestows on his ex will very soon be applied to the new one. And this is not a folk sign, but a law, which I will talk about below.

The same mistake is made by men who think that if their future bride hates her parents, she is almost an orphan, and folklore jokes that you have to marry an orphan if you don’t want to quarrel with your mother-in-law. An orphan is someone who has no one to lean on, and therefore, according to cynical folklore, will be grateful (which is not at all necessary). Being a parent hater is something else entirely. This is not the one who has no one to lean on, this is the one who hates those who cannot or do not want to be a suitable support for her. Imagine what awaits her husband?

Why does this simple rule work so well? Few shortcuts work as well.

This comes from the fact that the basic construction of the human personality is “I and the Other” and no matter how diverse all the “others” are, they always have similarities and the attitude of the “I” towards them always has a common tendency. It does not happen that a person who hates someone (especially a close person: a parent or someone who was his wife) could treat others with respect.

With passion - that's welcome. Passion is fueled by the same affect as hatred, even chemically similar. This does not mean that passion is bad, it just has nothing to do with respect. As long as such a person considers you part of his Self, he can treat you warmly, with love or passion, but as soon as he notices that you are not ready to obey his interests, you will discover hatred, and the hatred is greater, the stronger the “love” was. .
For people who hate their loved ones, the function of respect clearly does not work, this muscle is not formed, since respect is the ability to separate boundaries, recognize another person as a separate being and at the same time maintain goodwill towards him.

A person who knows how to respect does not hate anyone, does not experience resentment, envy, or painful emotions, because all these negative emotions require high energy costs. If a person knows how to separate his boundaries, he can do without prolonged negative emotions.

But if he doesn’t know how, he has no choice but to rage and hate. Such a person knows only two states: He = I and then passionately loves, “gives himself away” or tries to absorb, merge with himself, and He = Another, that is, an enemy, a dangerous creature, at best requiring vigilance, but if this hostile creature is nearby (was a spouse, was a parent) it is doubly dangerous and it would be better to destroy it.

This is why it is better to stay at arm's length with people who feel hatred and painful resentment towards their ex-wives or parents, especially without getting close. While you are a stranger, they treat you warily, but almost indifferently, they can even imitate kindness, but as soon as you become close, you can only be in two forms: “half” or “traitor.” No others.

Again. What is the basis for respect and benevolent attitude towards people? On two things. Firstly, the I knows how to separate boundaries, that is, it recognizes that the second person does not obey him in any way, does not fall under his control, is on his own, has a separate will and view of the world.

Secondly, the I is not afraid of such a separate person, does not despise him, does not see him as an enemy, can treat him favorably and not wait for an attack, look from the side and rejoice in his separate existence.

People who do not know how to respect others are not able to treat strangers as potential friends. A friend for them is someone who is part of the close circle of the Self, who is part of themselves. All others are enemies. That is, for such a person there is only a good Self and a bad Not-Self. It goes without saying that someone who entered the circle of the Self (parent, wife) and then left it became the most important enemy, because he took with him a lot of personal things, that is, a person is especially vulnerable and open in front of him. He literally robbed me and ruined me.

Is it possible to remain forever in the circle of the Self of such a person? That is, never become a traitor, an enemy, always use his love? This is theoretically possible, but requires special behavior. In order for a person whose love is associated with appropriation to “love” you always, you should never oppose your Self to his Self, you should never create a conflict.

You must live up to his expectations, and the expectations of such a person are very contradictory and almost always oppressive. Due to the fact that his personality has not matured (and the “I-Enemies” system is an infantile construction, in an adult construction a field of subject-subject relations, “adult-adult”, a field of benevolent respect necessarily appears) such a person has a lot of neurotic complexes , complex affects, phobias and dissonances, and all this will pour out on the “half”.

In order to remain a soul mate and never cause hatred and panic (guard, I warmed a snake on my chest!) she will have to be a bottomless barrel of love, and a capricious despot will spit into this barrel from time to time to make sure that it is his barrel, and not someone else’s (if someone else’s needs to be destroyed).

Will the barrel receive gratitude? Of course not. To thank someone for their love, a person must be able to separate boundaries and feel that the other is on his own, separate, and his love is an act of good will, a gift. If you are his property, your love belongs to him anyway. And by refusing love, you take away his thing. Therefore, you will never receive any gratitude; you will have to be content with the happiness of being one with him.

All of the above is clear to many when it comes to despotism in marriage and lack of respect for a spouse, but little is clear when it comes to parents. Aren't parents obligated to be kind symbionts and nurture their child with themselves, physically and emotionally? Obliged, of course.

However, this does not concern the child’s personality, but his body. Of course, personality is inseparable from the body, but it is formed in the body gradually as it grows, and it is precisely the child’s personality that parents should try to respect.

Of course, most parents are not very good at this, but this should not prevent the grown child from treating them with respect. Do you understand this formula? Parents can be infantile, consider the child a part of them, adore him passionately or hate him just as passionately for betrayal (like all infantiles), and the child can be an adult and treat his parents with respect, that is, see them as separate people and look favorably upon them.

Benevolence does not mean submitting to them and fulfilling their whims. On the contrary, it is impossible to treat with respect and benevolence and at the same time feel like a weak-willed thing. These are exactly the opposite processes.

Respectful and benevolent means wishing people well and understanding their sovereignty, their separateness. And this ability does not depend on how parents relate. It doesn't depend at all on how you are treated. It depends only on your level of maturation and ability to feel your own subjectivity.

A full sense of oneself as a subject presupposes that a person also sees other people as subjects. One cannot exist without the other. It is not true that a person can consider himself a subject and other people as objects. It doesn't happen that way.

A person who considers others to be his parts and instruments is not fully aware of his subjectivity, does not feel boundaries, does not understand where he ends, where he begins, where his field of control is, where his Self is. Such a person can be egocentric and most often happens, but egocentrism and subjectivity are not only unequal, but also incompatible concepts.

An egocentric person considers the whole world to be himself; a person with conscious subjectivity is aware of the boundaries between himself and the world. If an egocentric suddenly realizes the boundaries, he will be forced to either stop being an egocentric and begin an exchange with this world, or he will suffocate and die in the confinement of his boundaries, ceasing to use the world as the submissive body of a nursing mother.

A simple example is someone else's refrigerator. As long as a person considers the refrigerator to be his own, he calmly takes food from it and does not worry, but if he realizes that the refrigerator is someone else’s in the full sense of the word, he will be forced to either starve or begin to offer the owner of the refrigerator something in exchange. That is why there are no egocentrics with boundaries of subjectivity. One excludes the other.

What is so dangerous about people who are offended by their parents? What if their parents are really cruel egoists? Of course, this can be and often happens. However, no behavior of parents can lead to permanent resentment towards them (a situational emotion may be, but there is no permanent feeling) and even more so to hatred towards them, if a person really shares boundaries with them and does not consider that parents are part of him.

If he understands that they are other people, not him, not his servants, not his body organs, not the placenta that should feed him, he can analyze their wrong actions, but not experience negative affect. This point is very difficult to understand for those who do not have the practice of dividing boundaries, but it is obvious to all those who are already aware of their subjectivity at least to some extent.

Can a person not share his boundaries with his parents, hate them and be offended by them, but at the same time be able to share boundaries in communicating with others, that is, respect others and treat them favorably? No, It is Immpossible. The ability to separate boundaries is a general skill.

Just as a person who knows how to speak does not lose this ability, so a person who knows how to separate boundaries does this with any people. Being able to separate does not mean keeping your distance. Vice versa. This means achieving any degree of intimacy, even complete merging at some moments, but in the event of negative and unwanted contact, quickly and calmly separating these boundaries.

Why do such people never experience hatred and strong resentment? Such emotions are very energy-intensive, destructive, and stressful. The body would get rid of these emotions on its own, without any knowledge of the person, if there was a tool for this in his personality. But if a person is at such a stage of maturation that he can only merge and hate, the body resorts to hatred if merging is dangerous. That is, having discovered harm from a loved one, the brain begins to hate him in order to prevent further fusion and use.

Notice that hating people (no matter who they hate) always say that hatred is the only defense. If they had a better means of defense, they would not plunge themselves into the stress of hatred.

The best means of protection is subjectivity and separation of boundaries. After this, a favorable attitude is possible. This is the most energetically comfortable, economical and productive state. Having learned to live in this state, a person will never exchange it for another, just as a rare person will exchange his comfortable, large, with good ventilation and light, home for a small, stuffy and damp hole.

That is why, if you hear a person cursing towards someone (and this is not a temporary affect from overwork or conflict, but a stable worldview) and especially towards his close people (former and even more so present, that is, parents and children), you can be sure that you are dealing with a person who has not yet developed the boundaries of subjectivity.

Such a person has the opportunity to develop and become an adult personality, but until he becomes one, maintain a certain caution in communicating with him, as if you were dealing with a person who cannot be relied on, who at any moment may see you as a fierce enemy or your personal property.

Is there at least one person who is unfamiliar with this feeling? Probably yes. But in my life I have never met such people.

When a small child perceives parents as the epitome of perfection (and small children perceive mom and dad as such), it is very difficult for parents to live up to such a high standard. After all, they are just people.

As children, none of us analyzed situations, we just felt. And there was everything in the diversity of human emotions. Including resentment, aggression, pain. And this is natural. It's just life. But some people have mostly bright memories in their memories of this childhood life. While others are not so rosy. And this does not always depend on actual events. Sometimes people with childhoods that we would call tragic do not perceive them as such. And on the contrary, people with a “prosperous” past remember it in dark colors.

Why, when talking about grievances against our parents, do we begin to remember our childhood? The answer is obvious - most of the grievances against parents grow from there.

The shelf life of a grudge

We humans are created in such an amazing way that there is absolutely nothing superfluous in us. Including, there is not a single “bad” feeling. Even emotions that we are used to calling negative, at a certain point in life we ​​need for something. They always point to where you need to pay attention and draw the right conclusion. They are always lessons for a person.

But the fact is that every emotion has its own expiration date. And if we have not promptly freed ourselves from experiences that have already fulfilled their mission and should have gone away long ago, then they, once useful, turn into poison and poison us from the inside. This is exactly what we do to ourselves, keeping old anger and resentment in our souls.

Very often they become old because they were suppressed at one time. For example, driven by the fear of angering or offending parents, the fear of violating dubious rules of decency (“good children don’t get angry!”, “You can’t be offended!”, “Boys don’t cry!”), the child simply “stifles” his feelings within himself. And they not only do not leave, but are also supplemented by a new composition. That is why it is so important for parents to learn themselves and teach their children to express themselves competently and in an acceptable form. any emotions.

Why do we hold grudges?

You can think about this for a long time. As a rule, there is more than one reason. Starting with a lack of understanding that somewhere inside there is still a painful feeling, and ending with a “conditional benefit” from such a situation.

However, here I would like to highlight three reasons why the old grudge has not gone away:

• The person is not aware of the offense. Outwardly everything is fine with him. Good relationship with parents, but with children it didn’t work out. Or diseases attack, often chronic ones. Or the relationship with your partner leaves much to be desired. Or he doesn’t find self-realization in society. Go figure out what is the reason for these situations. And often - precisely in a negative attitude towards the mother or father. Note! We're not talking about a negative attitude here. parents to the child, namely - child to parents. In fact, what is much more important is not how our parents treated us, but is our attitude towards them. Sometimes children who grew up without parents or in difficult relationships with them sincerely retained (or healed) good feelings for their father and mother in their hearts. And such children have no grievances and no problems caused by these grievances. That's why doesn't haveof decisive importance, in what conditions did you grow up? IN to your strengths change attitude to the past and heal your life.
• When a child craves parental love but does not feel like he is receiving it, he may subconsciously “replace” it with another strong feeling. This feeling can become resentment. Sometimes this is the only thing (as it seems to the child) that connects him with his mom or dad. And then this child, often grown up a long time ago, is never ready to part with the offense. It seems to him that then he will have nothing left that could connect him with his parent.
• The resentful attitude has become a habit. And, believe me, this habit is more dangerous than one might think. It has a catastrophic effect on various areas of life.

What is the danger of resentment towards parents?

The connection between a child and his parents is inextricable. Moreover, it persists regardless of whether the parents are alive or not, whether the child knew his mother and father or has never seen them. This connection with an invisible thread connects several generations in the family. We all know about genetics that are passed down through the family. In the same way, qualities of character, habits, principles, and beliefs can be transmitted by gender.

It is quite obvious that in this way there is always a part of mom and a part of dad in a person. At the physical, genetic, psychological, energetic and other levels. In turn, in mom and dad there is also a part their parents, etc. So it turns out that each of us is a carrier of genes, skills, principles, beliefs, programs of all kinds.

What happens if a person experiences resentment or other negative emotions, for example, towards his mother? Since part of his mother is also in him, he directs negative emotions not only to his mother as a real person separate from him, but also to that part myself, your personality, which contains maternal programs. That is, he directs negative emotions to the mother’s part of himself. But the fact is that when we experience negative emotions, we seem to want to “punish” the one for whom we feel them. We (consciously or unconsciously) send out a powerful stream of negative energy designed to destroy another person. But if this person is our parent, then it turns out that we direct this destructive flow of negativity to a certain part of ourselves. As a result, this flow actually destroys various aspects of personality and life.

Here are some of the areas that are affectedour attitude towards our parents and family:

– relationships with a partner, children;

- health;

– procreation;

– implementation in society;

– financial wealth;

- self-esteem.

Main laws in relation to parents

The importance of harmonious relationships with parents and one’s family is so great that this topic is simply huge.

In this article, we will highlight three important aspects that form the basis of a healthy relationship with parents:

1. Gratitude

Sometimes it can be difficult to feel gratitude, especially when there are a lot of grievances, disappointments, and complaints. When there is a lot of pain inside, it is important to free yourself from it (with the help of psychotherapy, techniques, through personal and spiritual development). Because it extremely It is important to feel gratitude to your parents. Think about what you can thank them for. If it seems like nothing, if, for example, you have never seen your parents, thank them for giving you life. This is what baby is for never can't thank you enough. Because who you are, EVERYTHING you have done in your life, everything you are rich in (spiritually and materially) is only because your parents gave you life.

1. Respect

Oh, this can be even more difficult than gratitude... This is not about “pretending” that I respect you. Although it's probably good for a start. However, the point is to have genuine respect in heart. Because only after you truly feel and show respect for your parents can you truly respect and myself. And only after you begin to sincerely respect yourself, other people will sincerely respect you.

1. Be in your place in the family system

This means remembering that you are your parents' child. And not vice versa! Under no circumstances should you change roles and become, for example, a mother to your own mother. You should not “jump over your head”, lecture your parents, interfere in their lives, “educate” them, or be arrogant. Such actions lead to the child losing a huge amount of energy in relationships with parents instead of naturally receive her from them. It's important to remember that parents raise and teach children, and not the other way around! There is a certain law hierarchy, according to which the flow of vital energy flows from the past to the future, from ancestors to descendants. This stream cannot be turned and made to flow in the opposite direction. All attempts to become on the same level as parents or a level higher (arrogance, “teaching”) lead to the fact that the life energy of the family simply cannot flow through parents to children, grandchildren, etc.

Liberation from resentment

As we already know, it is impossible to suppress feelings. Negativity that does not come out and (or) is not properly processed inside will turn into poison and begin to poison both the body from the inside (psychosomatic manifestations will appear), as well as thoughts, feelings, and relationships.

Dissatisfaction can be expressed openly (necessarily in an adequate, acceptable, psychologically competent form). It can also be worked through (analyzed, realized the true reasons for its appearance, understood what the life lesson was, transformed into something constructive). The “work through” option is preferable because as a result a person develops personally and spiritually. Sometimes it makes sense to first express dissatisfaction, and then work through it and understand yourself.

It happens that we are faced with the ineffectiveness of numerous techniques designed to help free ourselves from resentment. The reason may not only be that the technique does not suit us. Much more often, the root of “failures” in clearing grievances lies in the fact that “working through” occurs only at the level of the mind, but not at the level of the heart.

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Hello, friends! Julia raised an important question: how to stop being offended by your parents, how not to get annoyed with them? I just can’t forgive my mother and father for some of their actions in my youth, for lies and hypocrisy, for many things. I understand that it’s not right to be offended by your parents, and I’m already tired of carrying pain and resentment in my heart, I want to get rid of it, but so far it’s not possible. I ask for your help...

Resentment towards parents and vice versa (against children) is a very pressing issue for the vast majority of people. And such grievances, if they are not resolved by a person, significantly spoil his fate, depriving him of inner peace and a sense of happiness. After all, it is much more pleasant to realize that in your heart in relation to your beloved mom and dad there is only warmth, light and gratitude, instead of corroding grievances and haunting claims.

In many cases, working through these two points will be enough. But not always. Next, we will consider additional recommendations on resentment against parents.

How to stop being offended by your parents and relatives?

The most important thing to understand here is:

1. Most often, the root of resentment towards one’s parents lies in a subconscious or completely conscious desire to idealize or deify them. As children, almost all of us idealized our parents: “my dad is the strongest, the smartest,” “my mom is the most beautiful, the best,” etc. And later, when we grow up, this ideal often collapses when we suddenly begin to see the mistakes and stupidities committed by our parents.

In a person whom you have seen only good and beautiful all your life, it is always difficult to begin to see flaws, weaknesses, vices and outright negativity. But this is life, and there are no angels among people; everyone has their own set of advantages and disadvantages, which you need to learn to treat adequately. And it will be good if you set a goal to learn to love your parents unconditionally, not judging, but accepting their strengths and weaknesses.

2. Parents are always parents, as some say “parents are sacred.” You can always find something to thank your parents for. At least for the fact that they gave you physical life, a body, allowing your Soul to incarnate on Earth. And there might be people who would have an abortion, or would abandon you. Moreover, there is something to thank your parents for if they gave you a good childhood and an education.

As an excellent and very effective exercise, I recommend finding in writing at least 20 important reasons for which you are grateful to your parents, or you can write a detailed essay on the topic “My gratitude to the Soul of Mom and the Soul of Dad.” Let me remind you that you also need to be able to thank for certain difficult lessons that have made you stronger and wiser. Some people are given parents as a source of kindness and love, while others are given them as tough coaches. It depends on who needs what and who deserves what. And ideally, you need to learn to give thanks for both. Then there is no room left for resentment in the heart.

3. It happens that parents are given to a person (soul) for punishment, to atone for past sins. This happens when parents (or one of them) are openly negative (dark) - despots who commit violence and destroy the feelings and fate of their child. This is a more complex situation, but here you can also learn not to be offended.

In this case, the only thing that will help change the situation for the better is the elimination of the karmic root cause (sin), for which such parents were given to you. Next you need to untie one or another from these people (parents) and say goodbye. A good one can best help you determine the root cause. If this is exactly the situation you have, I will help you with contacts of a Spiritual Healer.

4. Every person here on Earth is, first of all, a student who learns to live, fight and win, develop, build relationships, love, forgive, commit actions, mistakes, realize them and correct them. And everyone has the right to make mistakes! As I already wrote, there are no angels and saints on Earth, they are all in Heaven. Therefore, you should not take on the role of God or the Supreme Judge of the whole world and decide the destinies of people, judge everyone left and right. This is a heavy and ungrateful burden that will not bring an iota of benefit or satisfaction to you or your loved ones.

Your parents, just like you, are not perfect, with their weaknesses, delusions, bad habits and cockroaches in their heads))) Just like you, they can be offended, succumb to pride, succumb to some temptations and weaknesses. But this is their fate and lessons and their responsibility. And you have your own responsibility, which also includes what you let into your heart and what you don’t let in, what you carry in it (gratitude, kindness and Light or resentment, coldness and anger).

It's no secret that the souls of your parents may be younger and less wise than yours. And that spiritual thing that is obvious to you is incomprehensible to them. It happens that children at the age of 7 are more mature spiritually than their primitive materialized parents. And it is useless to be offended by them for this. They are simply at a lower stage of spiritual development. It just so happened that we lived fewer incarnations on Earth, took fewer lessons, received less knowledge, developed less qualities, etc. And perhaps it is you, with your love and wisdom, who will be the guide through which their souls will ultimately be able to rise to the next stage of their development.

Therefore, learn to give your parents the right to make mistakes. But let me remind you that this does not mean that you should justify their weaknesses and the evil they commit. This means that despite all your external adherence to principles, internally you remain good-natured towards them and do not judge them (do not generate negativity).

Exercise for working through grievances against your parents:

1. An essay, first for my beloved “I accept my imperfection.” It can start like this: “I accept my imperfection, I give myself the right to make mistakes. Life on Earth is a great school for everyone and for me too, I make mistakes and don’t reproach myself for it, I don’t destroy myself, I correct mistakes, become stronger, wiser and move on, I learn not to judge myself, but to support myself in difficult times trials of fate, mistakes and failures...” Then continue on your own. Write a detailed essay and read it calmly and meaningfully at least 2 times. You will be surprised how much this will affect you and the way you treat others.

Why is this being done? To learn not to judge others, you first need to learn not to judge yourself.

2. An essay in relation to parents can begin like this - “I accept - my dad and mom are not saints, and do not have to be so, they, like everyone else, like me, can make mistakes, and inevitably make mistakes, and have every right to do so given to everyone from Above, they also learn and someday they will realize their mistakes, and I wish their souls, first of all, spiritual growth, an open connection with God and His protection, so that He leads them to truth, to righteousness, to wisdom, to Light, etc., I wish them well. They are the same children of God, like me, and his students, like all people on Earth, let them learn, let them do things, correct mistakes and become wiser, I no longer condemn them, I forgive them...”

Let's start all over again. So that no resentment will be tormented. If only everyone had a good childhood and bright memories... And not just bitterness from injustice, hatred and resentment towards their parents.

Some people are born with a loving mother and a good father, while others are not so good. For one, parents do everything for the child, while for another, they are busy only with themselves. So I was unlucky.

Resentment towards my parents has accompanied me all my life. I remember as a child, looking at my friends and seeing how their parents loved them. And then he looked at his own people and expected from them the same care, advice or encouragement for the work done.

But in response Nothing!

This is how children resent their parents. You want to prove to them that you are good and obedient, capable and smart, but they are not interested. They are only interested in their own affairs and hobbies.

How many times have they been late for holidays where I performed. And sometimes they didn’t come at all. And they didn’t even ask for forgiveness. They've ruined my whole life! Why did I have to give birth?

It’s hard for me to hear them talk about how they raised and taught me. No, I'll tell them everything! And I will never speak to them again!

Life began to bring me suffering from early childhood. I wish I could start everything from scratch. Get rid of this resentment towards your parents that constantly pops up in your head. And makes you take it apart every time.

I am beginning to understand that life with resentment towards my parents will never be happy. But how can you get rid of resentment towards your parents so that life becomes easier, so that you don’t want to take revenge?

Resentment is a feeling of injustice towards oneself . The child wanted care, but he was not given it, he was waiting for praise, and did not receive it. And each time he does everything with less impulse, the desire to move fades.

All that remains is resentment towards parents and the memory of unfair treatment of oneself.

Who is offended by their parents?

In childhood, everyone really needs their parents, but there are special children. Mom is a holy person for them. Such children have an analytical mind and phenomenal memory, thanks to which they can accumulate knowledge, process information and remember forever.

To learn and memorize, to know everything perfectly, to remember large amounts of information - they need all this to become an expert in their activity. To pass on your knowledge to other people and teach them. Such people love order in everything. They potentially become masters, talented teachers, scientists, and professionals in their field.

The highest value for them is family. They care about their family and expect care and praise in return. The best husbands and wives! But there is also another side to the coin. The emergence of resentment towards parents rewrites their future life, and the person turns into his opposite.

From an obedient child, they can turn into a little sadist. In childhood, they are the ones who can start breaking everything, cutting down plants with a blow of a stick, breaking trees, offending animals and peers. In this way they try to relieve their dissatisfaction and level out their internal state.

And instead of knowledge, they begin to accumulate grievances. They get older and begin to evaluate everything through their experience. Everything seems bad to them, they see a catch everywhere. They start criticizing. Tell everyone what to do. They become argumentative. You can’t argue with them; they stand their ground. Stubborn like a tank.

How to get rid of resentment towards parents

Is it possible? How to get rid of resentment towards your parents once and for all in order to feel the taste of life?

It's possible through awareness reasons for difficult family relationships. Through understanding parents' behavior and the true motive of their actions.

This is just one manifestation of this condition. You can find out more.