Family is the most important thing in life. The most important thing is to leave an eternal memory behind

1. Preface.
2. Family well-being.
3. Stages of family development.
4. Family and Society.
5. Stages of child development.
6. Mother's love.
7. Child.
8. Mother.
9. The beginning of the dialogue.
10. Lack of warmth of communication.
11. Pledge of parental love.
12. The art of love.
13. Mother's love, father's love.
14. Upbringing.
15. Education and love.
16. What opposes the educator.
17. Comment from practice.
18. Bibliography.

“Nothing works in the young souls of children
stronger than the universal power of example, and among all
other examples no one else impresses in them
deeper and firmer than the example of parents"
N.I. Novikov (1744-1818).

All parents want their children to be kind and happy.

They want to be raised like that. However, parents perceive happiness differently. For some, it is peace and material well-being, for others it is independence and the possibility of spiritual development, for others it is creative work and risk.

Insufficiently conscious aspirations of parents can both help and harm children. It is always better, knowing yourself, to hope to achieve better results. Especially in education, because the development of a child's personality is such a task that can be successfully solved only after comprehensive consideration.

The upbringing of a child begins from the very moment when parents choose a name for their child.

The name is a significant sign that can say a lot. These are the expected successes in the future life of the child, and certain character traits, and the strategy for the development of the child in a certain direction.

The first impressions of the child remain in his psyche for a long time. Influence his behavior in later life. They appear even when he, already being an adult, does not think about it.

A child takes over from his parents many qualities that become important in his later life. Many people assume that the character traits of parents, their value orientations are inherited by children almost automatically.

However, the great Rudaki (a Tajik poet who lived around 860-941) wrote: “What a pity that an unreasonable offspring is born from a wise man: the son does not inherit the talent and knowledge of his father.”

So what does a child learn from their parents? First, the attitude towards oneself and others. Parents are a kind of reflection of the child's experience, the child notices, evaluates the behavior of others and thus "chooses" his own characteristics. In this situation, the relationship between parents is very important.

Family well-being.

In the eyes of society, marriage is a guarantor of the preservation of moral principles. Marriage also gives legal names to the children that are born. However, the idea of ​​civil marriage, or more simply, cohabitation, is very popular today. Moreover, the main argument in these relations is the term: "I'm tired, I don't like it - we'll run away, and there's no need to get divorced." Although behind these statements, of course, there are completely different motives. This is the fear that they will never marry; unwillingness to take responsibility; Why get married if I already get all the pleasures of life. When cohabiting, a lot of energy is spent on emotions.

In marriage, the couple is given the opportunity for happiness, although it is not specified how to achieve it. A wedding itself does not have the magical power to change people or circumstances. There is no love potion that guarantees "eternal marital happiness." No wedding speech will teach people how to achieve bliss. Their happiness will depend on their own striving for it, on their knowledge, love and self-sacrifice. Almost nothing, without changing from the inside, the wedding dramatically changes the status, rights and opportunities. Cohabiting lovers may be able to avoid divorce, lawyers, and alimony, but there is usually no less tears, suffering, and problems.

There is not a trace of inconsistency in the basis of the relationship of successful parental couples. Happiness and other beautiful aspects of marriage lie in the unrelenting desire to be together, in complete faith in the strength of their marital relationship and in the unconditional obligation to live together.

If these three points are present in the relationship of the spouses, then the couple is likely to be prosperous, even in the absence of many other things. If at least one of the listed aspects is absent in the relationship of a married couple, then the success of joint upbringing can be very, very doubtful. Of course, the mutual feeling of the spouses, their spiritual kinship, the unity of life goals, the commonality of views - this is a guarantee that the marriage union will be strong. But, such mutual understanding between spouses, spiritual intimacy is more often the result of a life lived together than the desired qualities inherent in people entering into marriage. It is impossible not to take into account the differences that the spouses have - social, demographic, cultural, psychophysiological and others. Moreover, with age, each person's life plans change, new needs appear and old needs “extinguish”, value orientations change.

Stages of family development.

Children are happiness, "God's grace." Those who want to have children and are psychologically ready and able to support them financially should have them. The main thing is that they have a real idea of ​​what it is.

“Having a baby” sounds so great! But babies turn into two-year-old naughty, seven-year-old rude, twelve-year-old lazy and fifteen-year-old rebels.

To have or not to have children for a husband and wife is the will of the Lord, but not an order. Each couple must decide for themselves whether to have children or not. This is where the term “family planning” comes into play.

Family planning means that the husband and wife will determine how many children they want to have, when and how long. In other words, choice is preferred over chance. This is a very important aspect. Since it is no longer a secret to anyone that “accidental” children, as a rule, do not have all the advantages in their development and success in life, like planned and desired children. Related to this is the ability of parents to fully provide for the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of the child.

Each family goes through several stages of development.

The initial (adaptation) period, young spouses, in essence, arrange their life, get used to each other, distribute roles in the family, organize joint leisure. For all couples, this period has a different duration. It is very important that this stage has a duration of at least two or three years. Since statistics show that the birth of a child during this period of family life doubles the likelihood of divorce. As in the stages of child development, so in the stages of family development, all stages must be lived through, and not skipped by, due to some circumstances. Nature and the obligation of living will still take their toll, not now, then later at another time.

The next period of development is the period associated with the birth of a child. Leading to a major restructuring in the relationship of spouses, the emergence of new parental responsibilities, redistribution of the material budget and time budget, etc.

As children grow up, tasks appear related to the development of the family as a small team as a whole and each of its members individually.

The birth of a child is like a crisis in family relations.

Today, many women, due to the shift in their gender role and their withdrawal into masculinity, perceive the birth of a child and the role of motherhood as a psycho-emotional crisis.

This crisis is intensified if next to a masculine woman is an infantile man.

A relationship crisis between spouses is inevitable when they are psycho-emotionally healthy, so it is very important that spouses pay attention to their emotional reaction when it becomes known that the pregnancy has come. At such a moment, a series of psychological changes occur in the personality of each spouse. For example, a man can feel joy if he is psychologically mature and, conversely, sadness and anxiety if he is infantile. In the next phase of the course of pregnancy from conception to birth, it can cause fatigue associated with the physiological changes of the expectant mother and the sexual lack of demand for the father. At this time, it is important to talk about the problems that have arisen on this basis, among themselves, speaking specifically about emotions. The crisis necessarily arises in families living in a civil marriage, because. mother is not sure that her future life will be supported by her common-law husband.

After the birth of a child, the infantile father experiences great difficulty in fulfilling the role of father. He has increased anxiety and uncertainty, and the head of the family leaves his duties in drunkenness or illness. More often, men who were brought up without a father fall into this situation, they do not have a model of paternity. Such fathers themselves are children on a psychological level, therefore, on an unconscious level, the appearance of a newborn does not please them, but frightens them. Because of the feeling of "abandonment" that occurs when a wife pays more attention to a child; they go offended and out of the house (work, fishing, hunting, garage, etc.). By such behavior, they provoke their wife to conflict and negative emotions, such as resentment, anger and disappointment - both in her husband and in motherhood. What kind of harmony of family relations can we talk about here?

When a family has children from first marriages, the crisis can be provoked by competition and jealousy of the child for the baby, the inability of one (new) spouse to accept the child from the first marriage into their psycho-emotional space.

Children, where young mothers give their children to grandmothers and nannies, and go to work or live for themselves, become irritable, anxious and, as a result, do not receive basic trust in the world around them from their mother. Growing up, these children, due to their psychological maladjustment, find themselves in various critical and life-threatening situations.

The practice of today's life shows that parents prepare for the birth of a child only financially, but not psychologically. The child did not ask him to "start", this is the decision of adults; however, in practice, it is the child who has to bear all the consequences of the psychological immaturity of adults.

The crisis of family relations is overcome only by those who overcome their fears, rise to a new level of overcoming themselves and what is happening in the space of the family. To do this, you just need to be able to calmly say what is happening, be open to each other and not be afraid to seek help, putting aside all fears and anxieties.

Family and Society.

The full development of the child and parental happiness does not happen without feelings and experiences.

The emotional atmosphere of society, the real values ​​affirmed in it, voluntarily or involuntarily set the orientation in each family.

Instability, the prevalence of uncertainty, fear, aggression for a long time - all this plays a dramatic role in family relationships. Distorts and simplifies the emotional relationship between parents and children.

The drama of the entire social order is that from the very beginning, many children in the family are deprived of parental and, most importantly, maternal love.

This scariest of all kinds of deficiency - the lack of parental love - leaves deep wounds in the mind of the child.

Do parents see the depth of the problem? Do they know, for example, how the baby responds to different manifestations of the parents' feelings and how he pays in return, and does he realize that he is not loved very much or not loved at all?

Do parents understand the feelings of children, do they want to change anything in their actions, relationships?

To answer these questions, let's look at all the stages of a child's development from the moment of birth to the start of school life.

Stages of child development.

Let's start from the very beginning. From pregnancy.

Already at this time, the child begins to show "activity", demands to listen to him: nausea in the morning, dizziness - "I already have, I already disagree with something." It forces you to change the mode of the day and your tastes. The first movement was the possibility of tactile communication. As soon as you or your husband put your hand on your stomach, the child will immediately freeze, listening to the warmth of your hands. It is through the hands that he can feel your experiences - grief, fear, joy. And you can tell his reaction - by his movements. After all, he already knows the rhythm of maternal steps, her voice, warmth, comfort, movements, her pulse - a world in which he feels very good.

Already at the age of four months, when the child's brain is intensively developing, it is necessary to tell him fairy tales for the night: “Ryaba Hen”, “Gingerbread Man”, “Turnip”. The rhythm of your voice, melody, sound vibrations, all this contributes to the fact that you, with your voices, contribute to the development of a future harmonious personality.

After all, this is the task facing parents. To grow a harmoniously developed personality.

Why do we pay close attention to intrauterine development. The modern level of science has made it possible to find out that it is in the perinatal (intrauterine) period that various pathologies appear that directly affect the further development of the child. Of course, it is with smoking, alcoholism (and one-time), drug addiction, substance abuse that the main problems in the prenatal period are associated, but this is a problem of modern society to a greater extent than each parent individually. After all, competent parents will do their best to avoid most of these problems.

And we don’t talk about those situations “it happened that way”. Since initially such children have little chance of developing into a harmoniously developed personality, happiness, if they succeed.

Mother's love.

"A mother's love for a growing child,
love that wants nothing for itself,
this is perhaps the most difficult form
love of all achievable "
(E. Fromm).

Of course, the feeling of a mother bears a reflection of the culture of society: attitudes towards a woman-mother, towards children - the future of the country, towards the family and family relationships.

Nature gave the mother a feeling of love and predetermined the mechanism of its further development and action. The feeling of love grows with the baby, and by the time of birth, mother and child are ready to unite in a joint feeling of love. But they have different needs and ways of “reification” of this feeling. The mother is ready to love the baby without seeing his individual characteristics, but it is they, these are the supports and incentives that her feeling should “catch on” and gain flesh and blood.

The world did not separate, but on the contrary, brought together, gave new opportunities to feel with the skin, see with the eyes, hear with the ears, understand each other with the heart.

As a rule, before childbirth, the mother’s feelings and thoughts are focused on herself and, unfortunately, the main feeling that the expectant mother owns is fear or anxiety for herself.

The strongest emotional stress, not negative, but positive, that a mother experiences after childbirth is the powerful readiness of all her senses, her emotional-volitional sphere to find a baby. To connect the new external and internal stimuli that have arisen with the former stimuli, to reconcile the feeling that has grown inside her, with what it exists in her for, her main task after the birth of a child.

Child.

The baby is left alone with a new, unfamiliar, alien world of bright light, plastic, metal, in no way connected with his past experience. And the main task of this period is to find each other in new conditions.

It is very sad if any circumstances prevent either the mother or the child from successfully living this stage of development.

The only thing that remained the same in the new conditions of life was my mother.

All the sense organs of the newborn are already functioning actively by the time of birth. From the surging information, they choose what is already familiar and is assessed by them as good: this is the mother's heartbeat, the timbre of her voice, the warmth of her body, perhaps her smell, and the need to be together again. There is no need to prove how important this stage is for adaptation and success in the child's later life. That is why breastfeeding actively restores the closeness of mother and child, which means it is the basis for gaining psychological contact. Often this is the first and during the first week of life the only opportunity for communication.

Physical (tactile) contact is limited only by touching the chest, the time limit does not allow long-term contact, when you can feel each other, and therefore establish the greatest psychophysiological comfort. Therefore, we must try not to be nervous and not to worry, and most importantly, do not rush. Give your child time to understand the world around them.

This is your joint first common success and the first step of your mutual cooperation. Unfortunately, the whole gamut of first feelings, which actually expresses the essence of the relationship between mother and baby, often remains outside the first meetings. The period when the infant develops an attitude towards the mother, when his need for physical contact with her is realized, and this need acquires the meaning of protection, pleasure, or, on the contrary, tension and alienation, is called the sensitive or sensitive period. And the first contact is the most important, critical moment in this process.

Mother.

In the development of mother's love, this period (the first days of a baby's life) is special. Appearance, structural features, skin color, smell, sounds made by the baby - all these are the key stimuli that nature itself is predetermined to awaken the corresponding feeling of the mother.

But in order for it to arise, a woman must be ready for it, and be able to focus on it. From here, one more point is visible that can lead to further problems for the child, because it is no secret to anyone that the percentage of “young” mothers has increased. What kind of readiness can we talk about. One can only feel sorry for the child, although, of course, there are no rules without exception, but there are very few such ready-made “young” mature mothers.

Psychoanalytic practice shows that the mother begins to create a psychological image of the child (what it should be) even before birth, and sometimes even before conception. The image of the child eventually passes from the conscious level to the unconscious. This fact confirms the form and the very process of transferring it to the child's unconscious. He receives a command of what he should be from his mother at the verbal level (words in which she expresses her vision) and non-verbal (actions, facial expressions, emotional reactions, etc.)

The process of transferring the image (as I would like to see you) to the child from the side of the mother occurs throughout the entire process of psychosexual development.

The beginning of the dialogue.

The eyes are the mirror of the soul. Close people who understand each other do not need words - a glance is enough.

This way of communication, rich in meanings, saturated with emotions, will help to express what is not always possible to convey in words, will allow you to accurately guess the state of the soul. The child will have to learn this specifically human way of communicating. Considering that a close and long bond with the mother is inseparable 250 days or until the child enters school, this mode of interaction is very important.

No less important is another aspect of the interaction between the child and the mother - tactile contact. The child perceives the world very brightly, with all his senses. Its possibilities in this regard are enormous. Nothing escapes children's attention. His delicate skin, (exteroceptive sensitivity), feels the slightest touch, the slightest pressure; he subtly feels the movements of his joints and muscle contractions (proprioceptive reception), perceives pressure on the internal organs and their movements (visceral sensitivity).

Having barely been born, the child is already able to analyze all the messages emanating from the receptors, evaluate how pleasant this or that sensation is, and understand the meaning of the actions performed with it. He very quickly learns to recognize the true feelings of the person who takes him in his arms, and to distinguish those who love him.

The unity of the child and mother determines the mental balance and future sexual behavior of the child.

Numerous studies show how detrimental a lack of physical contact affects the health, growth and psychomotor development of a child. A six-month-old breastfed baby overtakes in its physical and mental development a peer who had to be content with a bottle with a nipple. He grows faster, gets sick less, learns to walk and talk earlier. And this is not only the result of a balanced diet.

Breastfeeding, maternal care and affection cannot be replaced by anything.

Lack of warmth of communication.

Children in orphanages or hospitals, if they have to live there for a long time, begin to lag behind in growth and psychomotor development, their skin becomes flabby and pale. They do not caress, do not know how to communicate and often avoid contact with people. If you take such a child in your arms, it seems wooden. These babies are constantly sucking their thumb or rocking from side to side. And all this is due to the lack of affection, without which the child is not capable of full development.

However, a child can be born into a normal family and also suffer from a lack of love and affection.

Mothers are immature, restless, self-centered. They do not like to take care of the child for a long time, feed, bathe, swaddle, caress and rock him. They are not able to give their baby enough warmth and care. This is the problem of all busy women.

The abandoned child suffers greatly. Trying to do something to help himself, he begins to suck his thumb or anything that he can put in his mouth. He scratches his nose, pulls his hair or fabric, hugs or cuddles toys or bedding, sways.

If this practice does not stop in any way, then in the future it leads to psychosomatic disorders. This can be expressed by vomiting, abdominal pain, eczema, asthma.

Further, during the period of growing up, this lack of attention to the child and the lack of affection, strokes, hugs leads to the fact that respiratory diseases progress, the child becomes insecure and incapable of further social adaptation. He feels anxious and alone.

Throat and ear diseases speak not only of the child's inability to psycho-emotional adaptation, but clearly indicate that the family in which the child lives is in a psycho-emotional crisis.

Blood diseases occur in children whose parents are constantly in conflict or are in any stage of divorce.

Diseases: enuresis, encapresis, nervous tics are an indicator of the presence of emotional problems in the mother-child relationship. More often these are experiences associated with loneliness and a sense of rejection.

Children who experience a lack of emotional warmth in the family are more often injured, as they suffer from feelings of guilt, anxiety and a tendency to self-punishment.

When a child is brought up in an incomplete family, the atmosphere of this family pushes the child too early to adult actions. As a result, having slipped through childhood, faced with the obstacles of life (kindergarten, school), they try to overcome them without admitting that they need help, care, affection, support. As a result, there is a crisis within the personality and pseudo-independence, which is expressed by a somatic disorder of the gastrointestinal tract.

Pledge of parental love.

Weasel is a sign of parental love, which means it is a guarantee of a child's peace of mind.

Her absence worries and torments him, distorts his body and soul. In an effort to get rid of suffering, the child, as it were, dresses in protective armor, becoming insensitive and callous. At the same time, he loses the ability to perceive affection. Children who have not received affection have poor control over their bodies, they are clumsy. They have a wooden gait, stingy, awkward movements that do not correspond well to the situation. No less problems arise in communication. Such children are rude, they lack tact, it is difficult for them to express their feelings. Always silent, they avoid conversations, in all contacts with others they remain only miserable imitators, they do not know how to take a person by the hand or hug them.

Never skimp on tenderness towards children. An obligatory element in the life of a family should be a ritual in which: hug three times a day and kiss three times a day, it was like drinking water.

The art of love.

The infant, at the moment of birth, would have to experience the fear of death, if a merciful fate had not prevented him from any awareness of the anxiety connected with the separation from the mother, from intrauterine existence.

An infant can become aware of himself and the world as something that existed without him. He perceives only the positive effect of heat and food, and does not yet distinguish heat and food from their source: the mother. Mother is warmth, mother is food, mother is a euphoric state of contentment and security.

External reality, people and things matter only to the extent that they satisfy or frustrate the internal state of the body. As the child grows and develops, he becomes capable of seeing things as they are; nutritional satisfaction becomes different from the nipple; mother's breast. After all, the child perceives thirst, satisfaction with milk, the breast, and the mother as different entities.

He learns to perceive many other things as others, as having their own existence. Since then, he learns to give them names.

After a while, he learns to deal with them, learns that the fire is hot and hurts. The mother's body is warm and pleasant, the wood is hard and heavy, the paper is light and torn.

He learns to deal with people: mother smiles when I eat, she takes me in her arms when I cry, she praises me if I relieve myself. All these experiences crystallize and combine in one experience: I am loved. I am loved because I am my mother's child. I am loved because I am helpless. I am loved because I am beautiful, wonderful. I am loved because my mother needs me.

This can be expressed more generally: I am loved for what I am, or, if possible, even more precisely: I am loved because I am.

This experience of being loved by the mother is a passive experience. There is nothing that I have done for this to be loved - a mother's love is unconditional. All that is required of me is to be her child.

A mother's love is bliss, it is peace, it does not need to be sought, it does not need to be earned.

But there is also a negative side to unconditional maternal love. It not only does not need to be deserved, it also cannot be achieved, caused, controlled. If it exists, then it is equal to bliss, but if it does not exist, it is the same as if all the beautiful things were gone from life and I can do nothing to create this love.

For most school-age children, the problem is almost exclusively about being loved for who they are.

From this age, a factor appears in the development of the child: this new sense of the ability to arouse love by its own activity. For the first time, the child begins to think about how to give something to the mother (or father), to create something - a poem, a drawing, or whatever. For the first time in a child's life, the idea of ​​love changes from the desire to be loved into the desire to love, into the creation of love.

Children's love follows the principle: "I love because I am loved."

Mature love follows the principle: "I am loved because I love."

Immature love says, "I love you because I need you."

Mature love says, "I need you because I love you."

Mother's love, father's love.

The development of the object of love is closely connected with the development of the ability to love.

The first months and years are the period of life when the child most strongly feels attachment to the mother. This attachment begins from the moment of birth, when mother and child form a unity, although there are already two of them. Birth changes the situation in some respects, but not as much as it might seem. The child, although he is no longer in the womb, is still completely dependent on the mother. However, day by day he becomes more and more independent: he learns to walk, talk, discover the world on his own; the connection with the mother somewhat loses its vital significance and instead the connection with the father becomes more and more important.

To understand this turn from mother to father, we must take into account the difference between motherly and fatherly love.

A mother's love, by its very nature, is unconditional. A mother loves a newborn baby because it is her child, because with the appearance of this child something important has been decided, some expectations have been satisfied.

The connection with the father is completely different. Mother is the house from which we leave, it is nature, the ocean; the father represents no such natural home. He has little connection with the child in the first years of his life, and his importance for the child during this period cannot be compared with the importance of the mother.

But while the father does not represent the natural world, he represents the other pole of human existence: the world of thought, things made by human hands, law and order, discipline, travel and adventure.

The father is the one who teaches the child how to find the way into the world.

Closely related to this function is that which deals with socio-economic development.

When private property arose and when it could be inherited by one of the sons, the father began to look forward to the appearance of a son to whom he could leave his property. Naturally, they turned out to be the son who was most like his father. Whom the father considered the most suitable to become heir, and, therefore, whom he loved the most. Fatherly love is conditional love. Its principle is: "I love you because you meet my expectations, because you fulfill your duties, because you are like me."

In conditional paternal love we find, as in unconditional maternal love, also both sides.

The negative side is already the fact that father's love must be earned, that it can be lost if the child does not do what is expected of him. It is in the very nature of fatherly love that obedience becomes the fundamental virtue and disobedience the chief sin. And the punishment for him is the loss of paternal love.

The positive side is also important. Since father's love is conditional, I can do something to get it, I can work for it; father's love is beyond my control, like mother's love.

The maternal and paternal attitude towards the child corresponds to his own needs.

The baby needs maternal unconditional love and care, both physiologically and mentally.

A child over the age of six begins to need fatherly love, authority, and guidance from his father.

The function of the mother is to provide the child with security in life, the function of the father is to teach him, to guide him so that he can cope with the problems that the society in which he was born puts before the child.

In the ideal case, motherly love does not try to prevent the child from growing up, does not try to assign a reward for helplessness. The mother should have faith in life, should not be anxious, so as not to pinch the child with her anxiety. It must be part of her life to want the child to become independent and eventually separate from her.

Fatherly love must be guided by principles and expectations; she should be patient and condescending, not threatening and authoritative. It must give the growing child an ever-increasing sense of his own power and, finally, allow him to become his own authority and free himself from the authority of his father.

In this development from mother-centered to father-centered attachment and their ultimate synthesis lies the foundation of spiritual health and maturity. The lack of this development is the cause of the neuroses.

With one-sided attachment to the father, they lead to manic neuroses; with the same attachment to the mother, hysteria, alcoholism, inability to assert oneself and various depressions arise.

Upbringing.

“The upbringing of children is a risky business, for in case of success
the latter was acquired at the cost of great labor and care,
and in case of failure, grief is incomparable with any other.
Democritus.

From the catch of the epigraph they warn how attentively one should treat one of the mysteries of life - I continue myself in a child.

Unfortunately, such a serious approach to education is not common. Alas, adults, being carried away by professional affairs, in caring for what a child will become, more often rely on luck.

In the practice of education, conscious and verified experience is often replaced by unjustified arrogance, thoughtful and constant influence - by episodic and inconsistent instructions and reprimands, and so on.

The payment for negligence, miscalculations and mistakes in education is incomparable with anything. These are innumerable personal tragedies and unfolding destinies of those who are brought up and educate, but also social evil that hurts everyone.

Education is always search and creativity. Parenting can make a child happy, but it can also lead to failure and grief.

Each educator was also once brought up. Education is, as it were, an endless chain in which the future depends on the past and the present. It is necessary to use the experience accumulated by mankind, because the education of others always begins with the education of oneself.

The educator should never teach what he does not know himself. And there are no exceptions to this rule.

For a child, the first significant educator is his parents.

Eight times out of ten, the spoiled child is the child who has been spoiled. If a child lies and steals, then first you need to find out why he does it.

Many people at a certain age seem to freeze in their development. This is the reason why millions of people are not educated enough or have no education at all.

It must be understood that education is not upbringing. It is better to be educated and uneducated than to be an educated boor.

For many, each new day is a repetition of yesterday. Why? Because they are brought up that way, they cannot change. Maybe this gives them some kind of protection, but the unfortunate thing is that they transfer this “ossification” to their children. The educator cannot use only his experience and wisdom. In addition, many parents do not devote enough time to raising their children, they are seized by the turnover, they “do not have a minute” and they hand the children over to grandmothers.

And can he educate who has the strength only for himself? In the modern world, the age of grandmothers is far from the “social” age of grandmothers, most of them are from 38-40 years old and their own lives are just beginning.

Before teaching a child, it is necessary to create it - that is, to realize one more new life, to create a person intended not only to work, but also to think, feel, suffer, laugh and experience the whole gamut of feelings and emotions that are unique to man.

Very often the result of upbringing is limitation, because parents have their own, quite definite, opinion on every issue, and the opinion of one completely excludes the opinion of the other. Everyone has ready ideas, patterns to follow. These ideas and patterns are usually taken from their parent families. And parents demand unconditionally that the child accepts and does everything automatically.

Education should free the minds of parents, it should avoid patterns.

Proper upbringing creates rather than destroys freedom of thought.

Learning to educate is, first of all, to realize that you yourself do not know much, that some of your ideas are false.

But the trouble with many parents is that they are afraid and do not want to know the truth about themselves.

Education and love.

Education is impossible without love. This is completely obvious. Without love, one can only train, humble, curb, hew. You can hammer in good manners.

Thinking you love and loving are two completely opposite things, like north and south.

Love is serenity and balance, clarity and strength. The one who loves only gives without even thinking about what he will receive in return.

Their goal is to suppress the child. And this goal is in their subconscious.

With their "kindness" such parents can bring the child to illness or crime. Open resistance is stopped right there, such parents do not think about the internal state of the child. The unforeseen action of the child is perceived by them as an uprising, as a slap in the face.

Many parents transfer their unfulfilled plans, hopes, ambitions to their children. You can often hear:

I want him to be prettier than me.

I want him to be my successor.

I want him to successfully marry (married).

I couldn't become a doctor, let him do it.

Where is the love? Which parent puts himself in the place of the child? However, they think that they bring good to the child, although they all do it only for themselves.

Such upbringing leads to neurosis, anger, an inferiority complex.

Imagine a parent who says: “I don’t have complexes, my son won’t have them either. I will take him to the same school where I studied myself, for his own good. This father is such a braggart and fanfare as the world has never seen. Imagine his child in the future when he becomes a father. It will repeat the same song like an echo.

The source of inner tension and leveled individuality is almost always education without love and understanding, which is based on disguised egoism.

Some parents are proud of their firmness and steadfastness. In the absence of flexibility, it is a substitute for willpower. In nine cases out of ten, such education does not achieve its goal.

This type of father is a man of principle, irritable, dry, power-hungry, ready to turn everything around in order to achieve obedience.

At the heart of it all is fear. Such people defend their opinion at any cost, to reconsider it means to admit their weakness or lack of character.

Here is the opinion of one parent: “My principles never change. I hammer them into my sons. They will understand it later. They will thank me for my sternness.” But he didn't get a thank you. The sons believed that the father did not raise and did not love them, but only trained them.

F. Kafka in his "Letter to the Father" shows all the horror, the drama of such an upbringing, devoid of love.

Farthest from love is hate. If educators are hostile towards the pupils, then instead of opening the way to mutual understanding, they close it. Such an upbringing leads to vanity, unhealthy competition, and a desire for superiority. As a result: mistakes, fear, impotence.

The task of the educator is not to make the student pass the exams brilliantly, but to develop his thinking. If the educator is limited, he can only convey a set of formulations, but not intelligence, and of course not love. And all this is passed down from generation to generation.

Education should be a collaboration between the elder and the younger - children also educate their parents.

Education is a constant exchange of opinions, views, emotions.

If the educator treats himself as perfection, then he subconsciously considers himself right to everyone.

Unfortunately, for many educators, parents, teachers, a sense of superiority comes from lack of culture. It is often a subconscious, painful need for respect and admiration. They want the pupils to silently follow all their instructions, no matter how crazy they are.

To educate a child means to guide him. A real educator must be a spiritually rich person himself. He only gives and does not seek to receive. Honors, power, gratitude for him should not have any significance. Only then will the long series of bad parents and narrow-minded teachers be interrupted, and there will be fewer embittered and simply sick people.

Do not rely only on yourself.

“Educates every minute of life and every corner of the earth,
each person with whom the developing personality
touches sometimes as if by chance, fleetingly”
V.A. Sukhomlinsky.

The main task of education is to develop in a person an indifferent attitude to everything that surrounds him - to other people and himself, to the norms and values ​​of society, to nature, culture, art - an attitude that ultimately manifests itself in his interests, ideals and life goals. .

It can be said without exaggeration that in order to achieve this goal, a person throughout his life, literally from its first days, is subjected to constant, versatile and organized, although often contradictory, influence from the people around him and public institutions. The general educational atmosphere created around a person by these innumerable influences is his main educator.

Only at the beginning it is limited to the immediate environment. But even then, parents, relatives, employees of children's institutions, and all adults who come into contact with the child "sometimes by chance, fleetingly" use all suitable occasions to indicate how he should be and what is unworthy in life.

Subsequently, as the child enters life and becomes familiar with culture, the range of influences educating him expands significantly. School, circles, sports clubs and camps, art, media and much more begin to educate.

At the moment, the media have such a huge impact on the child, starting right from the cradle, that it has overshadowed all the other sources of information mentioned above. The saddest thing about this is that there is simply no censorship of information. This applies to all types without exception, including mobile phones.

In reality, not a single public institution, not a single person, is released from the tasks of education and from responsibility for it. For example, involving a child in criminal activities can result in criminal penalties. But since this information is presented by our media, one can only wonder.

That is, the emphasis is not on punishment, but on the very actions leading to these punishments.

Thus, promoting violence, aggression, cruelty, heartlessness towards their loved ones (one has only to watch the program “Wait for me”).

The multitude of special influences exerted on the child constitutes only one of the sources of the educational atmosphere. When parents believe that some kind of influence is not desirable, they usually do everything possible, and what is in their power, to counter it with something. It is more difficult to resist another source of education - the conditions of life, the examples observed in it.

V.A. Sukhomlinsky in support of his words in the epigraph. wrote: “In the dining room, the child not only eats, but also sees. Both good and bad. So a seventh-grader pushed a first-grader away from the buffet, bought what he needed, and the kid was at the end of the line. The child sees a dirty towel at the washbasin. If you want, wash your hands, if you want, not mine. But because no one wants to do one more thing, no one washes their hands. There is a pot of roses on the window. Apple cores are stacked in a pot. The window is full of flies. An angry voice comes from the kitchen: a man is scolding someone. Of everything that the child saw for twenty minutes in the school cafeteria, his subconscious reflected a lot of good things, but also reflected facts that sharply disagree with the instructions that children, of course, often hear from the educator.

Living conditions in which the child does not find confirmation of the words of the elders are the most dangerous for education.

Hearing one thing and observing another, the child begins to perceive words about dignity, honor, justice as a naive fairy tale unsuitable for life. Even little things, in themselves not noticeable, due to their abundance and constancy, can become a force that nullifies the efforts of educators. Collisions with serious life flaws - injustice, violence, venality, lies, humiliating everyday disorder - very quickly impose on the child views that bear little resemblance to those that were instilled in him in the family.

But this does not mean the meaninglessness of educational influence. Just don't underestimate this external force.

There is, however, another important factor influencing the educational atmosphere - the child himself.

In education, he does not remain a passive being, resignedly absorbing everything that is contained in the educational atmosphere created around him.

Attempts to defend their rights and views can be seen in the offences of the baby, the reproaches of the mother (“you are not good”), threats (“I will not love you”), and the like.

It is at first the helpless efforts of a small child to change an adult later, in adolescence, naturally develop (such are the laws of development) into a steady resistance, which manifests itself in negativism, stubbornness, demonstrative independence, rejection of previously accepted values ​​and other negative manifestations.

It should be recognized that such attempts to educate educators are already leading to changes in the educational atmosphere: without encountering the resistance of a teenager, adults, apparently, would have maintained a comfortable position of an authoritarian educator for much longer and would have seen in a child only an obedient successor to their values ​​and ideals. .

It is quite natural that a teenager begins to get out of the influence of the family, and the opinion of friends becomes more important for him than the opinion of his parents.

It is no less natural that parents are outraged by this, and they begin a protracted struggle for influence, presenting their life experience as arguments in disputes (“We were also young and stupid”), concern for the future of the child, and similar arguments.

Extraneous influences cannot be avoided, therefore it is better not to fence off the child from them, but to select, change and use them so that they develop him in the right direction, complementing family education favorably.

Such advice is easier to give than to follow.

In comparison with the forces of the environment, a person is weak and often forced to put up with conditions that he does not like at all, but which he cannot change.

It is all the more important to look for and not miss those cases when these conditions can be changed and used.

The most important and obvious conclusion is that in education, even if it goes smoothly and does not portend surprises, one cannot trust oneself too much, overestimate one's own influence, the influence of the family.

Living conditions, the general educational atmosphere should cause close attention and be the subject of constant concern for parents; in relation to this force, it is better to play it safe than to underestimate it.

While the child is still small and the surrounding conditions do not particularly affect him, you should think about what he will face in the future. To guard against bad influences, extreme measures are sometimes required, such as changing schools, even places of residence. Obviously, the sooner you think about it, the better and more painlessly it can be done.

The family, precisely in the early period of a child's development, has an exceptional influence on him, which is not yet shared with anyone.

Attempts to isolate him from unwanted influences are often unsuccessful only because of the untimeliness.

Often parents think that it is enough to feed, dress, and sometimes play with the baby; they postpone education “sometime later”, when the child grows up and begins to understand more. But emotional attachment to an adult, trust and love for him develops in a child precisely in the early stages of life.

Their formation may not take place “later”, when he realizes that there is a lot of attractiveness in the world, and not just in the family. Emotional relationships can be decisive when trying to influence a grown child. And of course, one cannot discount the genetic predisposition to something, the accumulated experience of all previous generations, which is necessarily passed on to the child to some extent even at the moment when two cells merge: mother and father.

What opposes the educator.

“Anyone who considers it necessary
teach children not to the extent that they can learn,
and in which only he himself wants.
Jan Comenius (1592-1670).

The official pedagogy of the past claimed that a person is born without any predestination - neither a good person, nor a bad one. But it can become both, depending on the upbringing and social conditions of life. There is no uniformity. And it should not be, not only among people, but even among animals and plants.

Everyone in school heard that the main source of differences between individuals is the ability to adapt to the conditions of existence. This elementary truth gives reason to think.

If nature has prepared special varieties for various microclimate conditions, then perhaps the occurring variants of the human character, say, the tendency to subdue or obey, are also her preparations? In any case, this is not unique to humans. Animals of many species are constantly busy figuring out who should be afraid of whom and obey.

The conditions created by the educator - the severity of education or permissiveness, the role of a favorite or an outcast, only contribute to the manifestation of spiritual qualities prepared by nature, but they do not create them.

Therefore, the educator must come to terms with the fact that he is not the only creator. That he can achieve what he wants only in interaction, and sometimes in a fight with another creator - nature.

But that's not all. Another, less widely known source of differences between individuals is the planned variability of individual characteristics.

Nature also releases its “preparations” into life, only not in response to the conditions of life, but simply, as if just in case. You never know what can happen in life, even something completely new or sudden, fleeting. Something you can't get used to right away.

For all sorts of cataclysms and “surprises”, it is useful for a biological species to have a small percentage of planned deviations in reserve - what if it is individuals with unusual properties that will be better adapted to future surprises?

This means that a certain percentage of evil, cowardly, domineering and other extreme characters is inevitable and does not depend on the conditions of life. Some owners of such deviations adapt to life and exist tolerably. Others, due to inability to adapt, may die. Despite individual losses, for the species as a whole, the existence of planned deviations is highly expedient.

If we return from these general biological ideas to the education of a person, then, first of all, it should be emphasized that there is no reason to deny the same qualities to human nature.

It should also be recognized as multivariate, having reserved special properties for special conditions of life, also fulfilling the “plan” of deviations and also assertive in bypassing obstacles.

The basic mental properties of a person are the same invention of evolution. As well as bodily properties: nature offers not only body types, eye color or palm lines, but also drives, inclinations. Passions. She does not give knowledge of the language or mathematics - they learn this.

But many feelings are her “blanks”. And although children are so rarely taught to envy, revenge or be jealous, and so often taught not to do this, these feelings are still reproduced against the will of the educator and even the will of the educator. In these feelings, our nature is realized in the same way as in feelings of tenderness, sympathy or fatigue.

Particular attention deserves the most difficult cases of extreme deviations for education, which are hardly rightly considered as mental illnesses.

In fact, what nature develops prudently and systematically, for example: envy, vindictiveness, of course, cannot be considered a disease. Even if in life these qualities lead to ridiculous, unadapted behavior.

Medicine puts psychopathy on people who discover stable, total, interfering with social adaptation - character traits; which differ markedly from the character traits of the average person. It turns out that if a person is long and stubbornly inconvenient for some social system, for example, he speaks the truth all the time, then he is sick.

But nature, creating diversity, was guided solely by considerations, and not by the interests of a particular society. In any case, the same non-standard features, say, lust for power, greed, cruelty, which exclude adaptation in some conditions, can be successfully applied in others.

With this understanding, the psychopathic character is not a pathological or even an accidental deviation from the usual character, but a natural version of the norm, the same planned preparation just in case.

Nature is not burdened with the cares of society and produces an increased tendency to laziness, frivolity, caution, greed or adventurism with the same "indifference" as the extreme cases of human, labor, voluptuary, truthfulness, love of children, more favorable from the point of view of social requirements and therefore do not fall into the field of view of psychiatrists.

Thus, the educational atmosphere does not unequivocally determine the development of the child.

What influences he will be more susceptible to, to what - less, what abilities, interests, character traits will appear in him without much effort, on their own, and for which he will have to fight, depends on the natural predisposition.

Therefore, different people grow up in the same conditions, and vice versa, different people grow up in the same conditions.

There are as many development paths as there are people. In this sense, every child is mysterious, unpredictable and unique.

Just as the foundation laid, while permitting the erection of various structures on it, nevertheless determines their size and general character; so the natural features of a person, allowing an educational impact on different people, determine some of their characteristics.

Just as a building conceived and started by someone can be completed according to the original project, but it can also be different; so the natural project of a person can be developed and improved by education, but it can also be transformed, replaced by the project of the educator.

It is clear that the more these projects diverge, the more effort, effort and expense education will require, the more difficult, stressful, and perhaps even conflicting it will be.

This fact is very important for the educator to realize. No matter how attractive and correct his project may seem to him, he should carefully consider whether he has enough strength to implement it, whether he will find sufficient support from the rest of the educational environment. Sometimes only a grueling fight, years of relationships poisoned by conflicts can lead to victory over nature. If there is no need for such a victory, it is better to make concessions to nature. Therefore, if a child reveals cruelty, imperiousness, aggressiveness, let him become a professional military man, no matter how much you would like to see him as an engineer; if he needs to be in public, to arouse their attention, let him become an artist, no matter how much the military would like to see him.

To fight, to correct nature, especially when it resists, is not only difficult, but also dangerous. To break, as they say, not to build, therefore, it may turn out that, having drowned out nature, denying the child natural development, without her help we will not be able to fill the resulting void and release into life a bewildered, living according to someone else's project, as if a failed person. By transforming the child into what we want, we can make him unhappy.

Of course, education is not always a fight and a fight; from nature one should not expect only difficulties and tricks. Between the educator and the child, cases of complete harmony, mutual complementation and idyllic consonance are possible and occur.

It is not possible to recognize the nature of a child in advance, exactly, in detail, to foresee how and when it will manifest itself, therefore it is important to look closely at it, to be prepared for its unexpected surprises.

Parenting tips that are true for most children may not be suitable for your child.

Such advice, as well as any other educational innovations, should be carried out carefully, observing what effect they have.

In this sense, the child himself, showing what he is more susceptible to and what less, is the best adviser for the educator.

Gradually figuring out what and how affects the child, the educator acquires the experience that concerns this child and which cannot be found in any pedagogical manuals.

One more circumstance should be noted, which sometimes significantly complicates the implementation of the decisions made by the educator.

The fact is that the educator himself, and not just the child, is endowed with certain qualities by nature.

Among these qualities there are those that set the attitude towards the child, and not always optimal, not always such that the educator himself would consider reasonable. Thus, to all the discussed points that make upbringing a very difficult process, one more is added - the nature of the educator himself.

Most often, it contributes to education.

Without the nature of an educator, it would be much more difficult for a person to find in himself that love and ability for self-giving, patience and endurance, which are required for education. But it happens that it becomes an obstacle to the manifestation of kindness, attention, warmth, or, on the contrary, the exactingness of justice, accustoming to independence, hard work.

It is no coincidence that maternal love is called blind, capable of protecting the child at any cost, justifying his serious actions.

The educator must examine and take into account his inclinations, as well as the inclinations of the child. They can also bring surprises and surprises, they also sometimes have to be curbed, and even fought, and it is not always possible to emerge victorious from such a struggle.

We considered two important points: who is raising the child and what the child is like. Now we can move on to the next topic.

Psychological mechanisms of education.

“A good upbringing is the most reliable protection
a person from those who are poorly educated "
Chesterfield.

“Let the child’s first lesson be obedience—then
the second can be what you consider necessary "
Fuller.

Wherever educational influences come from, and no matter how diverse they are, they are united by the fact that they always consist of two parts.

The first directly expresses the purpose of education and indicates what and how the child should relate. It is necessary to protect nature and help the weak, to be master of one's word, etc. But the educator knows that the child's attitude to the subject will hardly change only from instructions.

Therefore, in the second part of the educational impact, he tries to somehow substantiate his words, reinforce them: you can’t litter, because someone will have to clean up; if you don’t wash your hands, you will get sick; one must study, because without it they are not allowed to drive a car, etc.

We will call this second, arguing and confirming part the basis of education, since the effectiveness of educational influence depends on it.

Let's consider it in more detail.

First of all, it should be noted the exceptional variety of grounds used in the practice of education. To achieve his goals, the educator is sometimes ready to use literally everything that can serve as an argument and creates at least a faint hope of success.

Other parents are more likely to exaggerate and tell a lie than to put their demands without reason: “if you eat poorly, you won’t grow up, no one will marry, etc.”

Sometimes the justification of the educational impact can be omitted based on its obviousness. Limiting itself to a stern warning "stop it now!", the adult assumes that the child knows what the consequences of his disobedience will be.

In repetitive situations, when everything was explained to the child many times and in detail, it is possible to have an educational effect without words at all, with the help of, for example, one stern look.

However, the inner, unspoken content of the impact remains the same, meaning: “If you change, everything will be fine, if not, trouble awaits you.”

The same structure has impacts emanating from other sources of education.

In fairy tales, good deeds are rewarded with a beautiful wife and half the kingdom, in religion, a righteous or sinful life is rewarded with the blessings of heaven or the torments of hell, in advertising - also heavenly pleasure, only in real life sometimes - ideals: masculinity or femininity and the like.

So, various areas of upbringing practice show that educators, whether they realize it or not, always try to reinforce and substantiate their instructions and influences.

This means that in the process of education, already existing needs, interests, values ​​are used, which are associated with new objects and, as it were, redirected to them, the significance of these interests and hobbies is transferred to something that does not have such significance.

Thus, education is not only the creation of a new one, but rather the refinement, redistribution, and improvement of the old.

Therefore, all this information is capable of changing the child only insofar as it touches and sets in motion what is already significant for him.

The most common mistake in education is that an adult, instead of ascertaining the interests of the child, ascribes his values ​​​​to him and stubbornly builds his influence on this.

In conflict situations, it is useless to refer to honor or shame for the family, harm to health, if these words mean little to the child; it is useless to justify the impact with the prospect of a calm and prosperous life if the child prefers a life full of risk, sharpness, adventure.

The fact is that needs, values, interests at any given moment are actualized by emotional experiences. Such a situational enthusiasm is characteristic of a child to a much greater extent than an adult, and it is very mobile: what excites him in one mood, in another, coming in a few minutes, may not hurt him at all.

A conclusion that is important for the educator to consider.

It is not enough to know the child's basic needs and values. When using them as the basis of education, it is necessary to ensure their actualization, that is, emotional experience. It is emotion, not logic, that is the real and most direct teacher of the child.

Success in education, to a large extent, depends on how much it is possible to pick up the keys to his emotional experiences, excite them correctly and direct them to new subjects.

It is with the help of emotions that nature brings up a child: if he pricked himself while trying to play with a cactus, an adult does not have to look for arguments to convince him not to touch the flower anymore. Emotion convinces him of this without explanation.

The ability to establish contact with a child, to find ways to maximally liberate and heal his emotions, is a significant part of what is called pedagogical talent.

There is one dependence, the consideration of which can help in improving this skill. It is very simple: the emotionality of educational influence depends on the degree of its reality, on how the words of influence correspond to actual life.

The low effectiveness of verbal education has long been known.

The extreme position in this respect was occupied by Zh-Zh. Rousseau: "Don't give your student any verbal lessons, he must learn them from experience."

The reality, emotionality and effectiveness of educational influence also depend on the child's trust in the words of an adult, earned authority. The educator, interested in the effectiveness of his influence, should avoid unnecessary exaggerations and endless lectures and make sure that the words do not diverge from the child's experience.

“Parents least of all forgive their children those vices
which they themselves have instilled"
Schiller.

The family is not just a cell of society, as they say. This is a small “state” with its own charter, the most important thing in life that a person has. Let's talk about its value and much more.

What is the importance of the family in a person's life?

The family is the place where everything starts: birth, upbringing, transmission of traditions and values, familiarization with society, teaching morality and moral principles in accordance with which one must live, love for one's homeland.

The family is associated primarily with the parents. It is they who play the main role in the life of every child, give a start to a brighter future, instill in him kindness, humanity, tact, help develop empathy.

Brothers and sisters have an important influence on development. Seniors give a sense of emotional security, comfort. It is easier to learn about the world around and build contact with people. The younger ones also play a great role, since in relation to them the eldest child shows care, guardianship, goodwill, provides attention, help, demonstrates humanity, gives a sense of security, love and warmth. The importance of the family in human life is infinitely great.

Family ties are the beginning

A family is a group of people who are related by marriage or family ties. In psychology and pedagogy, a family is defined as a small social group, the basis of which is a marriage union of spouses, acquiring family relations of two or more people who live together.

family signs

A small society has a number of unique properties:

1. Entry into this community occurs exclusively on a voluntary and gratuitous basis.
2. Common among family members may be the budget, cohabitation and housekeeping, the acquisition of any property, material values.
3. Having common children.
4. Compliance with the rights and obligations provided for by law.
5. Members of the group are connected by moral, psychological and moral unity.

The role of the family in human life and society

The family performs many important functions that ensure its livelihoods. Let's consider some of them:

1. The first is reproductive. Pursues the implementation of a social and individual task. The first is responsible for the reproduction of the population, the second - the satisfaction of the natural need for the birth of children.
2. Educational. This is the socialization and education of children until they come of age. Family traditions and values ​​are passed on to the baby, moral principles are instilled.
3. Economic. The family provides for the satisfaction of basic needs - shelter, food and drink, clothing. Members of a small community run a joint household, acquire and accumulate material goods and values ​​in order to pass them on to the younger generation.
4. Recovery. A person needs protection, love and care. The dissatisfaction of these basic needs leads to problems associated with physical and psychological illness, resulting in depression, outbursts of aggression and nervous breakdowns both within the family and outside it. This entails the dissolution of the marriage, the children do not grow up in a full-fledged family. It all depends on the family members: if the common spirit is strong, relatives respect, love each other, appreciate, make concessions, can organize leisure and life, their family ship will never break on the reefs of problems.

A favorable emotional environment is very important in the family. Let's talk about it.

Psychological climate

The importance of the family in a person's life is determined differently for everyone. Some honor and respect, express gratitude to their relatives, while others do not find value in this. It all depends on the environment in which and how the person was brought up.

Allocate favorable and unfavorable climate.

The climate in the family can be determined by the following characteristics: emotional state, mutual understanding, cohesion, and so on. It is influenced by the relationship of the spouses, their attitude towards other people, towards the rest of the family. In a prosperous family, the psychological climate is determined by benevolence, care, a sense of duty and responsibility, and is characterized by the common interests of the wife and husband. Now it is more clear what importance the family has in a person's life - paramount.

Let's talk about family values

A strong and friendly family is a small brick of a reliable foundation for a large healthy society, therefore the role of a modern family in the life of each person individually and society as a whole is very great. Values ​​are the walls of a small cell of society, these are the rules and moral principles, foundations, traditions by which it lives, which it tries not to violate. Judging by them, one can determine the importance of the family in a person's life. Let's consider the main ones:

1. Truthfulness. Honesty in relationships is the foundation of everything. Without it, it will not be possible to create a strong and reliable rear. It is necessary to honor any of its manifestations, to perceive criticism sensibly, because another time you will not hear the truth in your address.
2. Flexibility. It is very important to show loyalty in order to avoid unnecessary quarrels and strife.
3. Cohesion. Family members need to have personal space and freedom for various activities. But everyone should clearly know that he has a strong family to which he can always return. To be one, it is necessary to spend leisure time together, to meet with relatives.
4. Forgiveness. You need to be able to forgive, not be offended by trifles. Life is so short to waste it on unnecessary, energy-consuming, time-consuming quarrels.
5. Generosity. It is necessary to teach children from childhood to give without demanding in return. This is the foundation of such valuable qualities as empathy, sensitivity, tact, empathy, humanity, and so on. After all, if this is not given to the crumbs at the beginning of his life's journey, then he will not fill the emptiness of the soul.
6. Traditions. Let's talk about family traditions. Each one is different. Some annually visit the graves of their grandfathers, gathering with relatives from all over the world. Others traditionally celebrate their son's birthday all the time in nature with tents. Still others have a home theater with popcorn every Friday. It is important to instill an interest in ancestors from childhood, to teach them to honor and remember. You can make a tree of life together - you need to know your ancestors, your roots.
7. Curiosity. It is necessary to notice and satisfy the curiosity of the crumbs in time, to help him to know the world.
8. Communication. A very important value in every family. We must always talk about everything. Communication builds trust on which everything rests.
9. Responsibility. It appears with age, but it is necessary to instill it in a child from childhood. Starting with cleaning toys, keeping the room tidy, caring for a pet, and so on. It will be easy for a child to go through life with this invaluable quality.

Depending on the existing family values, favorable climate, established moral principles and foundations, the image of the family is formed, which will become the face of a cohesive social group. A strong rear will ensure the healthy emotional and physical development of each member of the family: wife, child, spouse.

What is the role of the family for the child?

The family is the place where the baby said the word "mother", took the first steps. Parents try to give their baby all the best, care, affection, love, instill spiritual and moral principles, teach them to explore the world. The kid will be able to appreciate her role in his life only as an adult. But parents should tell and demonstrate the importance of the family, so that the child knows that he can always turn to them for help and support. Understanding that he has a strong family gives confidence, strength.

Demonstrate the importance of kinship to your child

What is it for? Children can only copy the actions of adults, they adopt the behavior of their parents. Therefore, it is important that the latter be a role model for their crumbs, showing by personal example the importance of the family in a person's life.

Practical Tips:

1. Family always comes first. We need to spend as much time together as possible. These are family holidays, dinners, breakfasts, because children see and adopt the trembling feelings that relatives and relatives show to each other.
2. Don't neglect respect. You need to start with yourself. If you do not respect relatives, strangers, your children, in the end they will treat everyone the same way, and this is scary.
3. Create family traditions together.
4. Involve children in homework, be sure to praise them for this.
5. Show your love for them. Hug, kiss, say warm words more often.
6. Demonstrate to your sons the ideal of a family man so that he can take advantage of this model of behavior and create his own strong and reliable family in the future.

Children should be brought up in healthy families, then they will be emotionally stable and stronger, more balanced, more self-confident. Having such baggage behind them, they will never become socially dangerous people and will benefit society, respect themselves, their family, the society in which they live, and the existing laws, rules and foundations.

What is family? The people who need you. In joy and sorrow, in small things or in general, they come at the right moment and stay with you, no matter what.

Modesty and kindness are more needed in family life than wit and proud beauty.

In family life, the main thing is patience. Love cannot last long.

The family is the primary environment where a person must learn to do good.

Ya.L. Sukhomlinsky

Getting married is a very serious step. When you quarrel with your parents, you don’t think that you need to look for new ones. So your husband should become your own person. One for life.

A family is what it is worth waking up every day for, breathing every second, and praying to God every moment to protect and protect them.

The dream of a marriage that is "made in heaven" is completely unrealistic; over any sustainable relationship between a man and a woman, you need to constantly work, build and rebuild, constantly updating them through mutual personal development.

Carl Rogers

Family is the most important thing in life. You may have good days, you may have bad days, but every evening someone will be waiting for you at home.

The answer to the question "why do people get married":

We all need a witness to our lives. There are a billion people on the planet… Is that what someone's life really means? But in marriage, we promise to take care of everything. The good, the bad, the terrible, the ordinary - all of it, all the time, every day. We say: “Your life will not go unnoticed, because I will notice it. Your life will not pass without witnesses, because I will be your witness.”

Family is the only real wealth.

Dark Shadows

Friendship is one of the strongest foundations for a successful family. After all, it is the feeling of friendship that keeps spouses together, helps them survive all sorts of crises. By the way, very often "romantic love" does not appear immediately, but after several years of marriage. This is because people suddenly realize how much warmth and kindness they have received from their partner.

That family is strong
Where there is no possession of the letter "I",
Where only the word "we" rules
Where there are shared dreams.

The meaning of the life of a real man should be his family. Beloved, one and only wife, beloved children. Everything else is secondary.

A man who has forgotten his family cannot be called a real man. Godfather

No matter how a person lives, he still needs a family. You can't replace a family with money, a career, or friends. The family is like an element of the puzzle: you find the missing piece, and the picture of life will take shape ...

The union of a stupid man and a stupid woman gives birth to the heroine mother. The union of a stupid woman and a smart man creates a single mother. The union of a smart woman and a stupid man gives rise to an ordinary family. The union of a smart man and a smart woman gives rise to easy flirting

Create a family. Yes, for me, it's easier to establish an empire. Emil Michel Cioran

The most important and valuable thing in life is family. First, the one in which you are born, and then the one that you create yourself.

Someday you will do things for me that you hate. It's because we are a family. Jonathan Safran Foer "Full Illumination"

Our houses are getting bigger, and our families are getting smaller. We have more amenities, but less time. More degrees, but less common sense. More knowledge, but less judgment. More specialists, but even more problems. More drugs, but less health. We've come a long way to the moon and back, but it's hard for us to cross the street to meet our new neighbor. We have created many computers to store and copy huge amounts of information, but we have become less able to communicate with each other. We won in quantity but lost in quality. Dalai Lama

In an ideal family, the wife does not notice where the money comes from, and the husband does not delve into where it goes.

My son does not know what an "incomplete" family is. After all, I choose Beloved for life.
And as they say in the samurai saying "Born in Love cannot be weak."

Family is work, caring for each other, Family is a lot of homework. Family is important! Family is hard! But it is impossible to live happily alone!

FAMILY is happiness, love and luck,
FAMILY is a summer trip to the country.
FAMILY is a holiday, family dates, gifts, purchases,
pleasant spending. The birth of children, the first step, the first babble, dreams of good, excitement and awe.
FAMILY is work, caring for each other,
FAMILY is a lot of homework.
FAMILY is important!
FAMILY is hard! But it is impossible to live happily alone! Always be together, take care of love, drive insults and quarrels away, I want friends to talk about you: WHAT A GOOD FAMILY THIS IS!!!

If we do something for the good, then we have nothing to worry about ... and there is no good higher than the family.

Family happiness is very fragile. You don't need to test it. Having shattered into fragments, it no longer sticks together.

Marriage is a means of saving oneself from old age in love.

Those who love the truth must seek love in marriage, that is, in love without illusions.

All friends let you down sooner or later. Family is the only support.

The family is a judicial chamber, the meetings of which are not interrupted even at night.

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The main causes of most stresses and depressions in a person's life are: family, money and a family without money.

My family is strange: dad talks to his car, mom with flowers, sister with cats, I'm the only normal one with a computer and a phone.

If the family is not filled with children's cries, they are more than compensated by adults ...

A happy marriage is a marriage in which the husband understands every word that the wife did not say...

The only thing you have to worry about is the family, and let the rest worry by itself!

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Greetings dear readers. Today we will talk about the Family. This is the most important part of human life. The importance of the family in human life cannot be overestimated. Now I have a lot of thoughts spinning in my head, but I'll try to put everything in its place.

Actually, my wife pushed me to this topic. I looked at the life of our youth today, I was horrified. And then I remembered my generation, I remembered what my parents, grandparents said. In principle, not everything is as bad as it might seem.

Of course, before, the state placed a strong emphasis on the family, education as a family is a cell of society, and so on. Then a big failure, but today everything is reborn. Of course people have changed, their attitude to life has changed. The very pace of life has accelerated, children are growing up at an amazing rate. But children need to be taught, to let them understand what the Family means. Let's analyze the importance of the Family in human life.

What is a Family?

Big family

Let's start with the simplest - the definition. The importance of the family in human life cannot be overestimated. But trying to define not only the word, but also the meaning - Family, I got a little confused. The point is that with amo definition varies greatly nowadays. This is important to understand.

Let's say for an adult, not a family person, the Family is more associated with a marriage union, duties, material satisfaction, and so on. Those who already have a family will answer differently and in different ways. But many do not pay attention to the fact that the family is not only husband and wife, children, but also the parents of grandparents and so on.

Here children see the Family differently. For them, this is the first social environment where they study, because their parents are an example for them. And this is important for parents to know. The child, while living with his parents, learns everything from them. And the skills that he acquired will remain with him forever and will influence his future life, his family.

If we take the state, any, then they have their own view of the family as a society. They relate differently to the family. But this is exactly what the state itself depends on. In fact, by improving the quality of life of the family as a society, one can also improve one's (state) state of "health". There are many subtleties, of course, but I think you understand me.

And if we take science, then there is also a different attitude and concept of the Family. Here, the psychological side is considered to a greater extent. Relations within the family and relations in society are studied, and so on.

In fact, no matter how you look at it, they are all right. I would just take and combine all the views together. And that may not be enough. Each family has its own zest. It can be said more simply. Family is the most important thing in a person's life. It is impossible to overestimate the importance of the Family in human life.

Let's leave this question open and look at the meaning of the Family for a person.

The importance of the family in human life.

Game for the whole family

No matter how the fate of a person develops, no matter what hardships occur, a husband or wife, parents, brothers and sisters, and so on, will always support, understand and help. And the birth of a child, not even the first one, is always an event for all members of the Family. After all, a child is a continuation of life, including his own.

In general, when you have your own family, especially a large one, children, then over time you begin to understand what it is and why it is. Already after this understanding, it becomes good and easy in the soul, realizing that you are the happiest person on the planet. And then it becomes very sorry for those people who do not have a family. After all, they grow up and live without family warmth, without love and care. You can't buy these qualities for any money, you won't exchange them for anything.

A family can be compared to a small island where you are always expected, loved, no matter what happens. On this island, you have your own worries, you take a break from everyday bustle, everyone morally supports each other. Yeah, I can't even put it into words. But this is not always the case. Sometimes families break up, and for nothing, in fact. Maintaining a family is a very responsible burden.

We need to understand this responsibility to find compromises, to solve unsolvable problems and questions and many many things. Say it's hard? It is difficult, but the result is much more pleasant when everything is fine in the family, there comes a feeling of satisfaction, calmness. No mountains of money will give you such happiness.

Family should come first. I feel very sorry for those who put their career or anything else first. It is not right. Most often, such people are lonely and unhappy. I don’t remember now, but some billionaires did not earn their capital because their career was in the first place. Just the opposite. It is thanks to the support of their Family, close people that they have the strength and confidence in what they do.

Family plays a huge role in everyone's life. Starting from infancy, you and anyone else acquires all the skills in the Family, in the circle of your loved ones. Learn to live, survive, eventually form another Family. Study again and then teach your children and so on.

Your personal condition, successes in life, at work, in your personal affairs, in everything you touch depend on what kind of relationships develop within the Family. Much depends on the Family and on you personally.

Real Family.

A happy family

We discussed the meaning of the Family in human life and its role. But how to make sure that the Family is real, and not just a word? First you need to understand that the Family must be strong and healthy, prosperous.

True, for many, well-being is associated with money. They say the more of them, the more prosperous and everything will be fine in the family. Yes, it's not like that. Well-being in the family - love, warmth of loved ones, understanding, trust, emotional closeness. Something like that.

If there is discord in the Family, one must not change the Family, not destroy it (this does not add up in the head at all), one must understand each other, children and understand what the Family lacks. We'll fix everything. There must be mutual respect and love, if it was, then it is, love does not go anywhere.

We need to maintain our relationship, take care of each other. Often the Family is compared to the Hearth. It is true. The hearth will go out and will not heat if no wood is thrown into the fire. The same is true with family relationships. And not just between husband and wife.

But if you reject a child, then over time he will simply stop sharing his impressions with you, and so on. The child will move away from the parents and the older the child is, the more difficult the relationship will be with him. So pay attention to the child, the more the better.

They live soul to soul.

40 years soul to soul, respect for such people

We often hear this expression. I think this is what everyone should strive for in family relationships. Each family needs to gain a bright and good experience through the constant manifestation of care, support and love. This is the task of man in this life.

There is such a commandment, honor your father and mother, because this is the basis of the family. If there is no respect, no care and no attention to your parents, all this will affect the family, and even children. And what is the basis of a healthy and strong family? And this is a relationship at the level of the Soul. Sometimes they say about people: “They live soul to soul” - this is a manifestation of respect, support and love for each other.

Any family that wants to be prosperous in every sense of the word must be built on love and mutual respect. When a person simply loves and takes care, without demanding anything in return, there is spiritual unity through such a manifestation of the Soul.

And such a family helps a person develop, gain positive experience and create spiritual matter of light in the Soul - this is exactly what a person was born on this Earth for.

Here is the answer to the question.

One of the best quotes in the world

Now I think you can answer the question: What is a Family. The meaning of the Family in human life is now clear. I'll say it in my own words. A family is a union of two people who love each other, capable of producing a new life, teaching.

Family, these are the people who can provide support in difficult times and provide love and understanding. The existence of families is inherent in our very human nature. And no matter how much the world around us changes, we will still reach out to each other to cope with these changes.

The family is both unique in terms of deep subjective intimacy and the most widespread phenomenon in the world. The family is the spiritual well-being not only of oneself, but of all members of the Family.

And a lot of things. I repeat once again that the importance of the family in a person's life cannot be overestimated.

I hope I was able to explain simple truths to you and show how important it is. And no matter how many words have been said above, everyone must decide for himself what is important for him and his Family, what to do and what he strives for.

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Updated: September 11, 2017 by: Subbotin Pavel

NATALIA SHACHNEVA
Consultation "Family is the most important thing in life!"

Family- the most important institution of society, a microgroup in which the physical and spiritual maturation of a person takes place. Preschool Pedagogy Considers family as a subject of educational activity and, therefore, is focused on the meaning families, personality formation, on its educational potential and educational needs, on the content and forms of interactions of the kindergarten and families in the educational process.

Family feeds and physically develops the child; provides primary socialization, helps the child become a socially competent person, provides a protective function; creates a unique atmosphere of love, emotional saturation and warmth of individual relationships, thereby providing the most important conditions for a harmonious, full-fledged emotional and mental maturation of the individual, through family communication, speech, intellectual and moral development is carried out.

The well-known Russian psychologist A. N. Leontiev, from the whole variety of the surrounding world, which in one way or another affects a small child, singled out a circle of people intimately close to the baby, to the educational influences of which he is especially sensitive. It turns out that the child in the early years life not receptive to comments, persuasion, advice "foreign aunt" (fellow travelers in transport, educators of another group). This is later, at the beginning of adolescence, the opinion of a friend, a friend is important to him, he is offended by the replica of a passerby, and in the first 7-8 years the most authoritative - "Mom said so!"; "Dad said so!".

Family, from the position of sociologists, is a small social group based on marriage and blood relationship, whose members are associated with a common life, mutual assistance, moral responsibility. This ancient institution of human society has come a long way development: from tribal forms of hostel to modern forms of family relations (21) .

Family- a specific social institution in which the interests of society, members of the families in general and each of them individually. As the primary cell of society, the family functions(from lat. - actions) important to society, necessary for everyone's life

Forms of work on the formation of the "image" families

Family- one of the greatest values ​​created by mankind in the entire history of its existence, this is the first and most significant institution in human life. But important family be considered as an object of social reality, a bearer of centuries-old experience, traditions, customs (19) .

Under the guidance of Kuzmina I.V. and a group of teachers from the city of Togliatti in elementary school - kindergarten No. 14, a program was developed for the formation of family values ​​in older preschoolers, which includes 3 stage:

1) organization of meaningful cooperation between the kindergarten and families

2) creating a museum in a kindergarten group

3) involvement of parents in the establishment of family rules, norms of behavior, customs, traditions, that is, to the formation of family values.

Kuzmina I.V. carried out all the work on the basis of the elementary school - kindergarten No. 14 in Togliatti, in her free time and during classes with preschoolers, both individually and with a group of children.

Consider each step more:

1) Organization of the content of cooperation between the kindergarten and family includes a series of games, exercises, conversations.

Formation of interest in family, education of love and respect for the members of their families the following forms contribute work:

Individual conversation "My family» ;

Didactic game "Who for whom?"(consolidation of ideas about kinship relationships in family);

Conversation "My mom, my dad" (expansion of children's ideas about parents);

Didactic game "Family tree" (consolidating the knowledge of children about themselves, their pedigree);

Conversation "We rest all family» ;

Meeting with loved ones "Our grandmother"(cultivation of respect for senior members families and caring attitude towards close people);

Didactic game "Find similarities and differences" (finding external similarities and differences with their loved ones);

Conversation "Family Photos" (cultivating a respectful attitude of close people to each other);

Create an album "Our brothers and sisters"(expansion of ideas about members families - brothers and sisters);

Conversation What do our moms and dads do?(formation in children of ideas about different professions, the importance of each profession);

Conversation "Economy families» (introducing children to the concept "economy families» , with their duties at home); etc.

The educational value of these forms of work is to bring the child to an understanding of the connection between the members families: the effectiveness of the manifestation of love, care, attention, mutual assistance. To awaken and strengthen children's feelings of gratitude, respect for parents is one of the tasks of the kindergarten and families.

Creation of the museum families in the kindergarten group.

Principles of functioning of the family museum.

visibility

Availability

Reliability

variability

succession

Interactivity and versatility

A game in the museum was invented, and the children supported this game with pleasure ( "Mom's golden hands", "Family Book", "Children's military toy", "Such different dolls")

Much work has been done to create "Family Album"- a kind of children's story about the main: about yourself, members of your families, family traditions, joint hobbies, deeds and concerns, weekdays and holidays. A competition for the best children's drawing was announced in the kindergarten group "Family album". According to the results of the competition, the exposition of the exhibition was formed. The exhibits are constantly changing. All the works were collected into albums by theme and became exhibits of the family museum.

Children and parents were very interested in such a form of work as the creation of a family coat of arms. I told the story of the appearance in Europe of the first coats of arms, as the hallmarks of knights, introduced the children to the science that reveals the meaning of coats of arms - heraldry. Using the example of the city of Berezovsky, she explained what the coat of arms means, what symbols are used; told where you can learn about the history of the city (in a book, in a museum, noted that the history families can also be found in the family museum. Children showed their family coat of arms and talked about their family.

Researchers note that children currently know very little about the lives of their parents about their childhood. The way out of this situation is the compilation of family history. Children 5-6 years old can do this work only with the help of adult members of their families. Children collect materials about their relatives and friends, among which were photo archives, the story itself, told by the child from the words of parents, a camomile of names ( "What they call me at home", family tree families, coat of arms families. After that, in the group, each child spoke about his family about their parents. Each child had a small homemade book as a keepsake ( For example: "Story Bede's family» etc., which is a family heirloom, and a couple and the first more or less complete presentation of the history of this families.

It is very important that by participating in this event, parents and children learned a lot of new things not only about themselves, but also about their ancestors, and having learned, they learned to love and respect the history of their families. The leading activity in preschool age is the game. It was suggested to try to record the games that are played in families. "Money box" family games filled up very quickly. The games were varied. It also appeared "Money box" "The most delicious food for kids".

The family museum is an effective means of understanding the value system of a particular families traditions that are passed down from generation to generation. The creation of such a museum can be legitimately considered as a form of joint activity of adults. (members families, teachers) and children, aimed at satisfying their educational and creative interests related to the study and development

Psychological comfort and safety of activities in the museum space

Coordination of education and upbringing in kindergarten and families

Forms of work of the family museum in a preschool institution

Thematic exhibitions (“Musical echo”, “Toys of my childhood”, etc.)

Parents' Club "Family Circle"

Release of information sheets for parents “And with us. ”

Participation in competitions

Development of information materials about museum items

In the Psychological Dictionary (under the editorship of V. V. Davydov, A. V. Zaporozhets, B. F. Lomov and others - M .: Pedagogy, 1983.) the term is defined "Image", is a subjective phenomenon arising as a result of subject-practical, sensory-perspective, mental activity, which is a holistic integral reflection of reality, in which the main perspective categories are simultaneously represented.

Based on this definition, in our opinion "image families» is a reflection of knowledge about family in the mind of the child, what the child sees on the example of his own families. The primary formation of which occurs through relationships in one's own family, features of interpersonal relations, family values, traditions, participation in family holidays, participation in labor activities, etc.

If we consider family through the eyes of a preschool child, we can, firstly, conclude that a dysfunctional family children of this age do not. This means that whatever family and family relationships, she doesn't have a child (his perception) traumatic influence. Of course, if in family attention is not paid to the child, this leads to distortions and problems in his development. However, the child, even when suffering from physical punishment or lack of attention, still does not realize that his family has negative characteristics.

If it is impossible to speak of a dysfunctional family for a child of preschool age, it is quite realistic to single out those characteristics that for children of this age are perceived as necessarily inherent family. First of all, it is the presence of a common space. Many preschoolers in their drawings families picture the room, in which he and his relatives, favorite things, etc. live. This common space is the leading one for determining families preschool children. That is why they include in their the family of those who is seen and perceived in a given room. In some cases, in family some real members may not enter. For example, mom or dad, who come late and whom the child does not really identify with the common room, but at the same time, neighbors, friends who often come to visit, etc. can enter.

In addition to this, the features of the image families in children of preschool age are also connected with the fact that members of their families perform some specific activity - mother cooks soup, grandmother cleans, older brother does homework, etc. From these positions, those members families, which do not act in front of the child, turn out to be not part of his families.

It is curious that, despite the attention of preschoolers to the activities of adults, he does not bind the members of his families no relationship. In their opinion, it is important to do something in the house, then you will become a member families. By the end of senior preschool age, children have 2 images families- one image of the normative (ideal) families and another image of its specific families. At the same time, the image of the ideal families arises on the basis of fiction, cartoons, etc., while the image of a real family is associated with feelings that the child receives family.

Image families in children of primary and secondary preschool age is a symbiosis of their ideas about the normative family and learned from their own experience of knowledge and feelings about their own family. At the same time, neither at early preschool age nor at senior preschool age does the child use the image of normative families to assess their family relationships.

Thus, from the first days life the child begins to form an image families. Conditions, style family life where a child is brought up, provide a “foundation” on the development of expectations of their own future families. It is necessary to give children an example of correct behavior, good relations between parents.