I'm a bad person, what should I do? I am a bad man

good bad man

The Gospel principle “Love your neighbor as yourself” is very practical. This is not an abstraction, but a working tool for daily life, helping to maintain nerves and relationships and earn a lasting reputation as a good person in the eyes of others.

The principle that allows you to look like one, if not to be a good person, is this: in order to be a good person, you must sometimes agree that you are a bad person.

And like a real bad person, when you hurt your neighbor, you do it deliberately.

Life is designed in such a way that sometimes we need to hurt someone - fire a poorly performing employee, refuse an unlawful or impossible request, close ourselves off from moral pressure, say “no” to other people’s hopes, prevent someone from causing harm, and so on. It is an inevitable part of life and should be accepted as such.

However, it also happens that pain is caused accidentally. Out of ignorance, in the heat of the moment, foolishly, or in some other way - completely without the intention of offending or offending anyone. This happens to all people, including good ones.

So in these cases, the principle requires you to stop, think and transfer your action from the state of “it happened that way” to the state of “yes, I did it.” You have to feel like a bad person - after all, it is bad people who shit with full awareness of their nastyness.

Such a rearrangement will allow you to notice and appreciate certain things.

Firstly, the question will arise whether my action is worth this pain. After all, the pain caused always results in a violation of peace between people, damaged relationships - not now, but a little later. Am I ready to take responsibility (even if incomplete, even if I just “didn’t think”) for what will happen next with our relationship? Or should I, if possible, cancel my actions and stop their consequences - just so as not to be the cause of great evil? Are the goals I have set so valuable, including from the point of view of God, that for the sake of them it would be possible to casually crush a random turtle with a tank?

Secondly, is it possible to do something to somehow compensate for this pain and its consequences, if it has already arisen? How can I adjust my actions to reduce pain? Perhaps it is possible to stop and ask for forgiveness for what has already been done? Stop persisting in the argument, pull yourself together, erase the unfortunate blog entry, exit the conflict with an apology, and so on.

Yes, as a result of reflection, it is quite possible to come to the conclusion that yes - Vae victis, the matter is too important and its results are so valuable that I put up with the negative consequences. Which, by the way, may not be so terrible as to necessarily demand that everything be returned urgently. In this case, we are not talking about locking ourselves in a secret prison of absolute non-violence and never injuring anyone.

It’s just that every infliction of pain should represent a responsible conclusion: “I am now making these people hurt and feel bad.” Not “oh, what are they?”, not “okay, it’s no big deal”, not “they just didn’t understand”, and not even “well, I didn’t want to”, but the acceptance that I am aware of my own actions and their consequences, and motivation does not obscure my results. "I'm hurting." I am a bad man.

After all, causing pain deliberately is much more difficult than accidentally. Everyone knows what pain is. And when they do something bad and painful to us, we want to stop it as soon as possible, and we agree to endure only for the sake of some important, serious goal, and not “in the process.” And when we deliberately cause pain to another person, we cannot help but sympathize with him. Even if we come to the conclusion that causing pain is inevitable - as sometimes I do things that hurt and upset myself, and at the same time I feel sorry for myself.

Such an attitude towards people usually manifests itself in practice as simply careful, when a person tries not to offend anyone without very serious reasons, and having offended, he tries to restore the relationship instead of persisting in his right to be an offender. And this is one of the main signs of a good person - a peaceful and respectful attitude towards others, a search for peace more than for one’s own rightness.

And the only thing that really prevents you from becoming that kind of good person is pride. It’s not for nothing that they say that it takes away your mind. A proud person is fixated on himself and his experiences, and this makes him not see their objective content behind his actions. Instead of what happens between me and another person, I see what happens in my head - my motives, my ideas, my rules and their violation.

A proud person, who has offended someone in a hurry, sees not the person who has suffered from his actions, but an obstacle that inopportunely got in his way - and is completely in no mood to seek reconciliation. After all, he is right, and he didn’t mean anything bad - he was just in a hurry, he was in a hurry on a very important matter, and this fool is boring about something and in general - there is no need to walk here, people are in a hurry and so on.

The result is a quarrel, damaged nerves and mood, and who knows where the parties will go next to vent their discontent. Who will yell at the child in the evening, and who will get drunk out of anger.

I am a bad man. Why is this happening?

May 20, 2016 - No comments

Sometimes I feel like I'm a bad person. Although in fact there is no more accurate and diligent person than me. I would rather be called a perfectionist, but I wouldn’t say that I’m a bad person. Most often I try to be really good, to do everything very accurately and correctly - excellently.

But the world somehow works in such a way that all attempts to be good end with me being considered a bad person. It is clear that no one tells me this openly. But I see how the boss purses his lips in disappointment if I say that I can’t stay after work, since today is my turn to pick up the child from kindergarten. At these moments, for him, I am the worst person.

How can you do it without offending anyone? If different people often ask me for completely opposite things, then willy-nilly you will turn out to be a bad person for someone.

Am I becoming a bad person or have I always been this way?

Over there, my friend Vaska asks me to tell my wife that we were fishing together. A friend after all! How not to help? But she is his legal wife, and Vaska should not hide strange trips to God knows where under the guise of fishing. How can you ask me to lie? Because in this case I become a bad person. And betraying a friend is also not good.

The worst thing is that those around me obviously think that I am a very bad person. After all, if my friend Vaska had not considered me capable of lying, he would never have asked me for such “help.” And I feel sorry for Vaska, he keeps telling me how touchy his wife is and how she doesn’t want to understand him.

And I also feel sorry for my wife Vaskina - she is a very decent woman. There is no way to deceive her. It turns out that in any case I will turn out to be a bad person.

In fact, people are different from each other. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan identifies eight vectors. A vector is an innate set of desires and mental properties that influences behavioral scenarios and even external signs inherent in a particular person.

For example, I am a carrier of the anal vector - a very reliable and honest person. I never deceive anyone. I try very hard to be good and behave in such a way that no one can say that I am a bad person.

I am particularly diligent and persevering. The special care with which I separate clean and dirty, white and black, truth and lies. It just doesn’t work with kindness. I’m just a person of extremes: if you stand, you’ll only die. And life very often poses tasks in which you need to show flexibility, even opportunism in some cases. And then I just fall into a stupor. After all, it is the opportunist who is the worst person in the world.

But I just want to be good for everyone. A very simple desire to be right, to be worthy, so that you don’t feel ashamed in front of people. So that everyone respects and immediately understands: I am good. I'm not some flimsy, slippery guy. A bad person is not about me.

The idea was imposed on me that I was a very bad person

True, there is another very difficult situation in which I, the owner of the anal vector, myself admit and even am sure that I am a bad person. This is an eternal conflict between generations.

So far, system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan has not yet become a daily mandatory subject for study by all parents. Therefore, it often happens that parents, not knowing, not understanding who their child is in vectors, behave erroneously towards the baby. With the best intentions, a fast and demanding mom with a skin vector will push me all the time. Because relative to her, I am a slower (read: bad) person.

For me, a diligent and diligent owner of the anal vector, such demands put me under enormous stress, and therefore into complete stupor. And my beloved mother is trying even more to stir me up. And everything is only getting worse every day. I'm trying really hard, but I just can't be faster. It's terribly offensive.

But mommy can't be bad. This is my beloved, only mother. So this is who I am, am I becoming a bad person? Thus, my subconscious justifies the actions of my parents, shifting all the blame onto me. And now I’m guilty before my mother. I'm sure I'm a bad person. And I can’t live from this realization. After all, in fact, all my desires, all my actions are aimed only at being good.

What can I do to stop feeling like a bad person?

If you understand the mechanisms of those situations that lead to the accumulation of stress. If we begin to understand why we act the way we do. And why exactly such thoughts are born in my head - that I am a very bad person. Then life becomes much easier.

Publication date: 21.08.2012

Question from: Natalia

It seems to me that I am a bad person.
I am very lonely, but I myself am moving away from all living things. I want to be understood, but I am afraid that anyone who can see me will recoil with contempt. This is selfish, perhaps. I am ashamed of myself.
As a child, I was a lesbian. My friend and I imagined that the other one of us was a guy and touched each other. I'm not interested in girls, but I've never had a boyfriend. It’s embarrassing to admit this to someone and I’m lying; This makes me feel even worse.
I feel like I'm perverted. I watch hard sex and it brings me pleasure. But it’s unpleasant for me to think that the same thing happens in real life; I don’t want me or someone else to be raped. Maybe I like watching this because my father beat my mother? But in reality he is good and smart, it’s just his mother who drives him. For this I don’t respect her, and it seems to me that I don’t love her. This is very bad; I think that when I lost respect for my mother, I lost some respect for myself. I would like our relationship to be different, but I can't help it.
I dreamed that my sister was raped, I felt guilt and grief; I didn’t want to live because of this. I love my sister very much; I think that this dream expresses my feeling of guilt for my thoughts and desires.
This feeling of shame prevents me from living and communicating normally with people. What should I do?
Maybe people like me shouldn't exist? I feel inferior, abnormal. Because of this, I spend a lot of time on my own. I come up with stories while listening to music and wandering around the room, tossing something in my hands. I spend a lot of time like this. I could be doing something useful, but I'm just wasting myself. I always try to avoid contact with people, but I want to communicate with someone. What should I do?

Recently answered:

Answers: Filonik Tatyana Anatolienva | 22.08.2012 09:45

Natalia, your story evokes a lot of sympathy and desire to help you. And there’s definitely no thought of even convicting you of perversity, abnormality and “recoiling with contempt.” What you are describing is not a disease, not a stigma, but simply the result of your reaction to certain traumatic events in your life. Believe me, many people have the same thoughts and fantasies as you. The only question is how to deal with it - you can understand that these are just fantasies and get pleasure from it, or you can shame and blame yourself to the point of depression. Based on what has been written, only a few assumptions can be made, but they can only be confirmed or refuted with your help. For example, based on your dream and some other moments you described, I can assume that in fact you yourself have a lot of restrained aggression, which you do not allow to manifest itself for some reason.
It is difficult to give you specific recommendations here, because the problem can only be solved by identifying its cause and working to eliminate it. And this requires personal meetings with a psychologist and mutual work. Therefore, if you want to change something in yourself and your life, I still recommend entrusting your difficulties to a specialist.

Answers: Lizyaev Pyotr Yurievich | 22.08.2012 09:48

Natalia, you have a lot of internal conflicts in your soul, and in order to deal with them, you need someone to be nearby and able to help and support your “search for yourself.”
It seems to me that you are speaking very intelligently and sensibly, and I sympathize with the loneliness in which you feel. But it seems that in many ways you are “self-incriminating” yourself - probably this is a kind of attempt to “punish yourself” for something that you perceive as wrong. I can assume that a lot is “tied up” to your “internal conflict” in relation to your mother. The main thing is not to isolate yourself, there is a way out, the situation from a psychoanalytic point of view is quite understandable. Unfortunately, the interface for writing messages is very inconvenient - and it is impossible to edit the text being typed... :(

Answers: Akimenko Yuri Fedorovich | 22.08.2012 10:03

Natalya, I would start by working through traumatic situations from the past with the help of a specialist, reacting to negative emotions. Then I would look at myself from the outside, remembering that each personality is diverse and unique. It is important to remember that negative thoughts and self-flagellation are unlikely to bring any benefit, so you need to develop, determine your life goals in your personal life, work, relationships and ways to achieve them. Take responsibility for your life and realize your personal potential - every person has it. If you feel you need help, contact us. P.S. There is an article on overcoming a crisis on my blog.

Reconsidering your views on life. I calmed down, began to dress like a human being, lost almost everything around me, but thanks to this I improved my relationship with my mother (I can’t live without her, I love her very much, we even changed roles, I look after her more), I entered college. I thought a new life would begin, I moved to another city. But I'm a lot of shit. There is no way to even paraphrase this. I am evil, selfish, selfish, wishing everyone (even my best friend) a fate worse than mine. I am power-hungry, spoiled (one child in the family, I was kissed on the ass since childhood, I didn’t know and don’t know refusal in anything). All this depresses me. I don’t want to be a bad person, I try to control myself, not to transfer the errors of my personality onto others, but this only works in actions, because... there is time to think about it. When I want my best friend to break up with her boyfriend and I know what to say so that they will never be together again, I will still make every effort to help save this relationship. Unobtrusively, carefully, I can make it clear from which side it is better to look at the situation. I am always objective. If a person comes for advice, I will not pat him on the head, even if he is wrong. Although at this moment I can think a lot of nasty things. Sometimes it seems to me that there is a real demon inside me. I'm disgusted with my thoughts. The woman fell, and in my head (hahahaha, it serves you right, the old bitch fell with all her heart), and it’s already disgusting, as if two personalities are getting along, I immediately interrupt these thoughts and as if I’m starting to swear with another person inside me. Report that You can’t even think like that, she’s a person, someone’s mother. There are many similar situations. Everyone around me is generous, kind, and sympathetic. I want to be like that too, but it doesn’t always work out. My neighbor (classmate) was disappointed in me. We used to be good friends, but now my selfishness has ruined everything. It's hard to control. Her boyfriend lives with us and I constantly mess with her mind, justifying myself by saying why I should suffer losses because of someone else’s roommate, we are not even friends with him. She herself is tired, but she can’t do anything yet, and then there’s me. I constantly shut myself up, but sometimes it breaks through. If I were kinder, everything would be much easier. I take advantage of people even though I don't want to. I try to treat everyone well and with an open heart, but my heart becomes covered in blackness and dirt creeps out. I know when I mess up. Please, tell me what to do... I'm going crazy... Sometimes thoughts about the death of my best friend come into my head, so that they will notice me and feel sorry for me. But these are just thoughts, in reality I won’t survive without her. These are not my thoughts, they are someone else's. I live with a split personality.