“What to do if a child has a feeling of fear?” Psychologist's advice to parents

Children's fears among primary schoolchildren aged 7-11 years

Fear at this age it is the fear of not being someone who is well spoken of, respected, appreciated and understood. In other words, it is the fear of not meeting the social demands of the immediate environment, be it school, peers or family. Specific forms of the fear of “being the wrong person” are fears of doing the wrong thing, the wrong thing, the wrong thing, the wrong way, the wrong way. They talk about growing social activity, about strengthening sense of responsibility, duty, responsibility, that is, about what is united in the concept of “conscience”, as the central psychological formation of a given age. Conscience is inseparable from the feeling of guilt as a regulator of moral and ethical relations even in older preschool age.

The previously discussed fears of “not being on time”, “being late” will be a reflection of an exaggerated sense of guilt due to the possible commission of wrong actions condemned by adults, especially parents. Schoolchildren's experience of not meeting the requirements and expectations of others is also a type of guilt, but in a broader social context than the family.

If at primary school age the ability to evaluate one’s actions from the point of view of social prescriptions is not formed, then in the future it will be very difficult to do this, since the most favorable time for the formation of social sense of responsibility. It does not at all follow from this that fear of inadequacy is the lot of every schoolchild. Here a lot depends on the attitudes of parents and teachers, their moral, ethical and socially adaptive qualities of the individual. You can, again, “go too far” and bind children with so many rules and conventions, prohibitions and threats that they will be afraid, like heavenly punishment, of anyone innocent for their age, especially an accidental violation of behavior, receiving the wrong grade and, more generally , any failure. Junior schoolchildren coded in this way will be in a state of constant mental tension, stiffness and, often, indecision due to the difficulties of timely, independent decision-making, which is not regulated from above. The sense of responsibility is not sufficiently developed in “careless” children, sliding along the surface, whose parents “everything is fine” and “no problems.” A complete lack of sense of responsibility is typical for children of parents with chronic alcoholism, who also lead an antisocial lifestyle. Here, not only the instinct of self-preservation is genetically weakened, but also the people around it.

Junior school age is the age when they cross instinctive and socially mediated fears. Let's look at this in more detail. Instinctive, predominantly emotional, forms of fear are fear itself as an affectively perceived threat to life, while social forms of fear are its intellectual processing, a kind of rationalization of fear. We define a long-existing, stable state of fear as fear. In turn, anxiety, unlike anxiety, which manifests itself depending on the situation, like fear, is a more stable mental state underlying fears. If fear and apprehension are the lot of preschool children, then anxiety and apprehension are the lot of adolescence. At the primary school age we are interested in, fear and apprehension, anxiety and apprehension can be represented to the same extent. Anxiety as a transient feeling of restlessness is possible at any age and the social and legal foundations of life in society are psychologically damaged.

There is also a delay in the development of a sense of responsibility in cases of mental infantilism and hysteria, when a child, due to excessive care and lack of restrictions, becomes so unaccustomed to independence and responsibility that any attempt to force him to think independently, act proactively and decisively immediately reveals reactions of protest and negativism.

A common type of fear of being the wrong person is fear of being late for school, that is, again the fear of not being in time, of hearing reproach, and more broadly, of social incongruity and rejection. The greater severity of this fear in girls is not accidental, since they internalize social norms earlier than boys, are more susceptible to feelings of guilt, and perceive deviations of their behavior from generally accepted norms more critically (in principle).

There is a term “school phobia”, which refers to the obsessive fear that some children have of going to school. Often we are talking not so much about the fear of school, but about the fear of leaving home, separation from parents, to whom the child is anxiously attached, who is also often ill and in conditions of overprotection.

Sometimes parents are afraid of school and involuntarily instill this fear in their children or dramatize the problems of starting school, doing all the tasks for their children, and also controlling them for every letter they write. As a result, children develop a feeling of self-doubt, doubts about their knowledge, and the habit of hoping for help for any reason. At the same time, vain parents, thirsting for success at any cost, forget that children, even at school, remain children - they want to play, run around, “unwind,” and it takes time to become as conscious as adults want them to be.

Usually do not feel afraid before going to school self-confident, beloved, active and inquisitive children who strive to independently cope with learning difficulties and establish relationships with peers. It’s a different matter if we are talking about overly proud children with an inflated level of aspirations, who did not acquire the necessary experience of communicating with peers before school, did not go to kindergarten, are overly attached to their mother and lack self-confidence. In any case, they are afraid of not meeting their parents’ expectations, while at the same time experiencing difficulties in adapting to the school community and the fear of the teacher reflected from their parents.

Some children are afraid of panic make a mistake when preparing homework or answering at the blackboard, because their mother pedantically checks every letter, every word. And at the same time he treats everything very dramatically: “Oh, you made a mistake! They'll give you a bad mark! You will be kicked out of school, you won’t be able to study!”, etc. She doesn’t hit the child, she just scares her. But psychologically the punishment is still present. This is psychological beating. The most real thing. So what happens? Before the mother arrives, the child prepares his homework. But everything goes down the drain, because the mother comes and starts the lessons all over again. She wants the child to be an excellent student. But he cannot be one due to various reasons beyond his control. Then he begins to fear the mother’s negative attitude, and this fear spreads to the teacher, paralyzing the child’s will at the most crucial moments: when he is called to the board, when he needs to write a test or unexpectedly answer from his seat.

In some cases, fear of school is caused by conflicts with peers, fear of physical aggression on their part. This is especially true for emotionally sensitive, often ill and weakened boys, and especially for those of them who moved to another school, where there has already been a “distribution of power” within the class.

A 10-year-old boy constantly missed school due to a slightly elevated temperature for no apparent reason. Doctors unsuccessfully searched for the source of his illness, while it was caused by emotional stress after transferring to another school, where he was systematically bullied by children who had long divided spheres of influence in the class. The teacher did not take any decisive measures, getting off with reproachful remarks addressed to the overly aggressive children. Then the boy himself made the decision - not to go to school anymore, since his temperature rose every day from excitement and anticipation. As a result, he began to be regularly “sick”; the teacher came to his home, checked his lessons and gave grades for the quarter. So he “won” this fight. But at what cost? He developed passivity, anxiety, and stopped contacting his peers. It is not surprising that he spontaneously resisted any attempts to improve his condition and return him to school. The lack of timely support from the teacher aggravated his defenselessness and contributed to the development of unfavorable character traits.

In addition to “school” fears, it is typical for children of this age fear of the elements- natural disasters: storms, hurricanes, floods, earthquakes. It is not accidental, because it reflects another feature inherent in this age: the so-called magical thinking - the tendency to believe in a “fatal” coincidence of circumstances, “mysterious” phenomena, predictions and superstitions. At this age, they cross to the other side of the street, seeing a black cat, believe in “even and odd,” the thirteenth, “lucky tickets.” This is an age when some people simply adore stories about vampires and ghosts, while others are terrified of them. The heroes of the films “Viy” and “Fantômas” were once particularly frighteningly popular. Recently, they have been replaced by space aliens and robots. But the fear of the dead and ghosts has always been there. Belief in the existence of “dark” forces is a legacy of the Middle Ages with its cult of demonomania (in Rus' - belief in devils, goblins, water creatures and werewolves). All of these fears reflect a kind of magical orientation, a belief in the unusual and terrible, breathtaking and imaginative. Such a belief in itself is a natural test of suggestibility as a characteristic feature of primary school age. The magical mood is reflected in the nightmare dreams of children of this age: “I’m walking down the street and I bump into some old man, and he turns out to be a sorcerer” (7-year-old boy), “I’m walking with the guys, and we see some man from we come across clay, scary, he runs after us” (8-year-old girl).

Typical fears among younger schoolchildren will be fears Black Hand And Queen of Spades. The Black Hand is the omnipresent and penetrating hand of the dead, in which it is not difficult to see the influence of Koshchei the Immortal, more precisely, of all that remains of him, as well as the skeleton, which is also often feared at primary school age. Baba Yaga also reminds us of herself in the image of the Queen of Spades. The Queen of Spades is just as inhuman, cruel, cunning and insidious, capable of casting witchcraft spells, speaking, turning someone or something into someone, making them helpless and lifeless. To an even greater extent, her necrophilic image personifies everything in one way or another connected with the fatal outcome of events, their predetermination, fate, fate, omens, predictions, that is, with the magical repertoire.

At primary school age, the Queen of Spades can revive the fear of death, playing the role of a vampire, sucking blood from people and depriving them of life. Here is a fairy tale written by a 10-year-old girl: “Once upon a time there lived three brothers. They were homeless and somehow went into a house where a portrait of the Queen of Spades hung above the beds. The brothers ate and went to bed. At night, the Queen of Spades emerged from the portrait. She went to the first brother’s room and drank his blood. Then she did the same with the second and third brothers. When the brothers woke up, all three had a sore throat under their chins. “Perhaps we should go to the doctor?” said the older brother. But the younger brother suggested taking a walk. When they returned from the walk, the rooms were black and bloody. They went to bed again, and at night the same thing happened. Then in the morning the brothers decided to go to the doctor. On the way, two brothers died. The younger brother came to the clinic, but it was a day off. At night, the younger brother did not sleep and noticed the Queen of Spades coming out of the portrait. He grabbed a knife and killed her!

Children's fear of the Queen of Spades often reflects defenselessness in the face of an imaginary mortal danger, intensified by separation from parents and fears of darkness, loneliness and confined spaces that come from an earlier age. That is why this fear is typical for emotionally sensitive and impressionable children attached to their parents.

And finally, the Queen of Spades is an insidious seductress who can destroy a family. In this form she appears before us in the story of an 8-year-old boy. His strict and principled mother for a long time kept his father, a kind, sympathetic man, in check, who was something like a mother for the boy. She herself, on the contrary, played the role of a despotic father who did not accept the boy’s line of behavior. At the age of 7, he witnessed a nightly showdown between his parents. Soon the father left for another woman. Then the boy found himself for the first time in a pioneer camp, where he was frightened by older girls portraying the Queen of Spades. Out of fear, he saw her as if in reality (the effect of suggestion). He would not fall asleep alone at home, open the door and turn on the light - he was afraid of her appearance and what she would do to him. Subconsciously, he likened her to a woman who took away her beloved father, whom he could not meet due to his mother’s ban.

Fear of the Queen of Spades is precisely characteristic of children who have strict, constantly threatening and punishing mothers, which essentially means the fear of alienation from the image of a loving, kind and caring mother. These mothers are both neurotic and hysterical, fixated on their problems, never play with their children and do not let them near them.

So, younger schoolchildren are characterized by a combination of socially and instinctively mediated fears, first of all, fears of non-compliance with generally accepted norms and fears of the death of parents against the background of an emerging sense of responsibility, a magical mood and suggestibility expressed at this age.

Svetlana Sushinskikh
Psychologist
Based on materials from books by A.I. Zakharova “What our children dream”, “Children’s neuroses”

Coping with childhood fear

Author: Irina Vladimirovna Korelova, teacher-psychologist, preschool educational institution No. 5 “Firefly” in the city of Nyandoma, Arkhangelsk region.
Description of the article:
The article is intended for teachers, parents and specialists working in preschool institutions. The article briefly outlines the causes of children's fears, common mistakes made by adults, and prevention methods used in dealing with fears. According to numerous studies, every second child experiences fears at one age or another. The category of children most susceptible to them is from two to nine years old. Today we will try to understand the reasons that cause children's fear, and also talk about measures to prevent them.
Each fear is individual, and psychologists, when working with children’s fears, pay attention not so much to their content, but to the cause, quantity and severity of these fears. Almost any object or event from the outside world can turn into something frightening for a child.

The main causes of children's fears:
1. The very first reason is a specific incident that occurred that the child could not cope with on his own.
2. Characteristics of the child: suspiciousness, anxiety, uncertainty.
3. Excessive children's imagination, which has no boundaries.
4. Anxious parents are “fertile ground” for the imposition and development of various kinds of fears.
5. Intimidating parenting is one of the most terrible reasons, in which, on the one hand, adults make their lives easier (frightened - the child did it), on the other hand, they receive childhood neurosis, which sooner or later will lead to even more serious problems.

In the problem of children's fears, there are several points that parents and teachers need to pay special attention to:
1. Children should not be frightened by other people's uncles, scary fairy-tale characters, or evil animals so that they become more obedient and quickly fulfill the requests of adults.
Education by fear is a difficult and cruel upbringing, as a result of which a child can become overly suspicious, fearful, cautious, and indecisive. It is difficult for a child to take the first step, independence decreases, he often has terrible dreams, and as a result - anxious and suspicious personality development.
2. Never shame a child for fear, especially in public. This is a double experience. Shame and fear are very closely related to each other. From the shame experienced, the child begins to hide his fear, as a result, bad habits arise that adults can focus on: the child bites his nails, sucks his fingers, bites his lips, blinks rapidly, sweats, and so on.
3. A child explores something that is incomprehensible or unknown to him only next to an adult. The unknown is scary. Calm explanations from an adult present nearby give confidence and understanding of what is happening.
It is important not to leave your child in an unfamiliar environment with unfamiliar people.

Recommendations for interacting with a child who is afraid:
1. Invite your child to tell in detail about his fear, when it happens, what it is connected with, how or what you can do to help him, and so on. It is very important for a child to be able to express his feelings.

2. Invite your child to draw his fear in detail, based on the child’s capabilities. Usually children do this with a dark color or a simple pencil. And then advise him to add funny details in different colors so that he feels happy and the feeling of fear noticeably decreases.

3. Continuing the theme of drawing: let him draw his fear and himself next to it, but only strong, courageous and maybe even armed. Let your child carry out this fight on paper and wish him victory.

4. If a child is afraid to go out into nature, is afraid of the forest, invite him to make a drawing or applique of the forest, while cutting out and gluing kind animals onto a sheet of paper, you can give them names and call them friends.

5. When my son was afraid to sleep in his room in winter, we did this to him: we took a small box, said each fear out loud and mentally put them all in this box. Then, when we went for a walk, we took the box with us and grabbed a shovel. They dug a hole in the snow, put the box there, said goodbye to it and buried it. After this procedure, my sleep became calmer.

6. There are many more interesting ways to eliminate fears, for example, using a broom. Take a broom, walk around the apartment with your child, looking into all corners, you can even look in the closets and loudly, cheerfully shout at fear: “Oh, you scoundrel, come out, now we’ll give you a hard time, get out of our house,” and, As if whipping up fear with a broom, you drive him out the front door. At the end of the action, say loudly and cheerfully: “We are done with them!!! Let’s go have some delicious tea.”

7. This method is from the “working with aggression and anxiety” series. You will need thick sofa cushions. Give your child the opportunity to express his emotions - beat the pillow to his heart's content, imagining the fight against fear. It is advisable to end the battle “on horseback” with a victorious cry of “I have won.”

8. Case from practice. The girl was afraid to sleep in her bed, despite the fact that her sister was sleeping next to her. During the drawing process, we discovered one detail: it turns out that my mother hung a robe on a nail in their room, and it seemed to the girl that someone was present in the room. After the conversation, the mother removed the carnation with clothes from the girls’ room, and everything gradually returned to normal.

9. Tell your child in confidence that his fear is terribly afraid of children's laughter, as soon as he hears a child's laughter, he immediately bursts it, like a balloon.

10. If a child is afraid of bullies, invite him to play sports.

11. If the child is afraid of the dark, offer to play hide and seek, just hide without turning on the light. At first, don’t make him wait for you for a long time, find the child quickly; then gradually push back the time for searching.

12. As soon as a situation presents itself in which you can tell him “you are brave, you are brave,” be sure to do so. In this way, you will increase your child's self-esteem.
13. Read books, fairy tales about brave people, animals.

14. Watch cartoons about how children or animals overcame their fear, for example “Not at all scary”, “About the hippopotamus who was afraid of vaccinations” and others. Soviet cartoons are the best in this sense.

15. Children who are confident in themselves and their abilities almost never have nightmares and do not suffer from obsessive fears.

Sometimes in my work I use the story “The Sculptor and Fear”; unfortunately, I don’t know the author; I took it from the Internet. I changed it a little: the sculptor turned into an artist, since the topic of drawing is closer to children and sometimes I soften the first part a little. In the process of reading a story, intonation and voice accents are important, especially in the dialogue of the characters.

"The artist Denny lived in one city. He was a real master and sought to immortalize in his paintings everything he saw around him. His collection included completely different images - the most beautiful girls in the city, and feeble old men, and evil trolls, who, according to According to legend, they inhabited the forest outside the city. As soon as he encountered a new image, he immediately tried to remember it and draw it on canvas or paper. But there were fewer and fewer such images.
And then one day he sat, thinking, in his workshop. It was getting dark outside. The sky became gloomy and menacing. Danny's soul became uneasy. And suddenly he felt fear take over his heart. It was so strong that it threatened to turn into horror. Denny got up and wanted to run away, but he realized that he would be even more scared on the street.
They say fear has big eyes. So it began to seem to Denny that in the dark corner of the workshop he saw sparkling eyes. "Who are you?" - the frightened Denny barely exhaled. "I am your fear, great and invincible!" The artist was speechless with horror.
But suddenly an interesting thought came to his mind - maybe draw this fear? After all, such a creepy image had never been in his collection! Then he plucked up his courage and asked: “Mr. Fear, have you ever posed for an artist?” Fear was completely lost. “What?” he asked. “Let me draw you so that they will be afraid and recognize you,” the master suggested. Fear did not expect such a turn of events and mumbled: “Okay, go ahead, just quickly!” The work began. Denny took the brushes, paints and got to work. Now he was collected and focused again.
Since it was getting completely dark, I had to turn on the light. Imagine Denny's surprise when he was able to better see his fear. It wasn’t even fear, but rather a little scary thing, puny, as if he hadn’t eaten for a week. This made him shudder a little, probably guessing what Denny was thinking. And the master shouted at him: “Don’t twitch, otherwise you’ll come out crooked in the picture.” Fear obeyed him.
Finally the picture was ready. And Denny suddenly realized that he was not at all afraid of this horror story, his fear suddenly became not scary. He looked at the scary man huddling in the corner and asked: “Well, what are we going to do?” The Scarecrow also realized that they were no longer afraid of him here. He sniffed and said: “I guess I’ll go.” “Why did you come?” - Denny asked. “Yes, it’s boring to be alone!” - answered the horror story. So they parted. And Denny's collection was replenished with a new unusual painting. Everyone around was surprised at its originality, and Denny looked at his creation and thought that skillful hands and a smart head could cope with such fear.”

In addition to all of the above, I suggest you use proverbs and sayings about courage when working with fears.

The brave is not the one who does not know fear, but the one who recognizes it and goes to meet it.
Cheek brings success.
Where there is courage, there is victory.
Where there is no knowledge, there is no courage.
Don't think about fear, it won't happen.
The dog only barks at the brave, but bites the coward.
Be brave and you will be strong.
He who is brave is enriched by any challenge.
The skillful and courageous will not be captured by fear and will not be beaten by the enemy.

Fear
We looked everywhere for FEAR.
Maybe FEAR
Sitting in the bushes?
Very scary bushes!
But the bushes
They are empty...

Maybe FEAR
Climbed into a ravine?
We searched the ravine!
We searched the whole forest!
NO FEAR!
The FEAR has disappeared.
(from the Internet)

As a rule, fears come and go with age. They do not intensify or linger only in cases where the adults with whom the child lives are confident in themselves, and the family has a calm and stable environment. A child who feels the love of adults, hears praise addressed to him and is confident that he will receive support at the right time, quickly “outgrows” his fears. Love, appreciate and understand your children, and then their childhood will be bright, happy and serene.

To some extent, parents whose kids are absolutely fearless are lucky: they stay in kindergarten without any problems, are happy to stay with friends or neighbors without their parents, do not experience any discomfort in a new environment, are not afraid to be alone at home and will not be scared even by pitch-black weather. darkness. True, there is also one minus in all this, but more on that below. Our task is to consider what anxious children are most often afraid of and find methods to combat their fears.

Why is a child afraid?

There may be several reasons. Here are some of them:

The child is particularly impressionable: everything new seems scary to him at first.

The kid was once frightened by someone or something - he still had fear at the subconscious level.

The parents themselves intimidate the baby, without thinking about the consequences: “if you don’t eat all the porridge, Baba Yaga will take it away,” “if you don’t fall asleep right away, the Brownie will come.” Adults, of course, say all this half-jokingly, but real fear settles in the child’s soul.

Horror stories are told to the child by an older brother or sister, or by friends in kindergarten or school - some children really love “scary stories.”

If you can establish why the child began to be afraid of something, it will be much easier for you to calm him down and convince him that his fears are completely in vain.

Children's fear of the dark

It is quite difficult to answer the question of what anxious children are afraid of and how to prevent their fear, because sometimes it is simply impossible to imagine what a child might dream up in his imagination. Most often, children are afraid of the following:

darkness: The child is afraid to be alone in a dark room.

Strangers: the baby categorically refuses to get to know them, and will not stay with “strangers” for a minute.

Animals: when he sees a cat or dog, he tries to hide behind his parents; he will never agree to pet even the cutest puppy.

Afraid of getting lost: He holds on to his parents’ hand all the time, afraid to let go even for a minute.

Scared by traffic: out of fear, he cannot react in time to the green light of a traffic light and remains standing still.

Feels a sense of fear, communicating with peers in kindergarten or school.

Afraid to ask a question to a tutor or teacher.

Cowards when a thunderstorm thunders and lightning flashes.

Out of fear can't stay home alone.

Real horror a child may be triggered by an adult’s request to go to the basement, barn or garage for something.

Is it possible to develop courage?

Any personal qualities can be developed, including courage. And here parents need to show not only persistence, but also delicacy: under no circumstances should they ridicule children’s fears or tell anyone else about them in the presence of the child; trying to fight them too harshly, without the moral preparation of the little coward.

Methods that are better not to use

You can often hear this advice from more experienced parents to young ones: “Don’t stand on ceremony! Solve everything quickly - the child will instantly switch his attention. For example, if he is afraid of the dark, never follow his lead - turn off the light right away! Afraid to answer at the board? Ask the teacher to call him every day!”

Never do this. Put yourself in the child’s shoes: for example, you are afraid to climb onto the roof of a ten-story building, go to its edge and look down. You understand that there is actually nothing dangerous in this and are ready to gradually overcome your fear, but you are required to do this immediately. What will you survive? Minutes of horror! Moreover, even if you come to this edge, you will do it almost unconsciously, that is, there will be no “victory” of yours over yourself. This is exactly what a child experiences when parents, trying to end the problem as quickly as possible, try to solve it using violent methods. He will go into a dark room, stay home alone, pet an unfamiliar dog - he will do everything you ordered, only because one of his fears will overcome another - the fear of punishment from adults. This will not only not add courage to him, but, on the contrary, will expand the range of his experiences.

Adviсe

Child alone at home

First, be sure to find out exactly what he is afraid of and why he decided that “it” is scary. Try to explain to your child that his fears are unreasonable and help him overcome them. Come up with small training sessions. For example, your child refuses to be left alone at home. Ask him to be without adults for just 5 minutes, then 10, 15, and so on. The fear will gradually go away, and the baby will not even notice how, instead of half an hour, you will be absent for an hour or more.

Children's fearlessness: good or bad?

If a child is afraid of something, just not everything, this is a normal child’s self-defense reaction. He studies the world, trying to determine for himself what is safe and what should be avoided. At the same time, there are, as we indicated above, children who are not afraid of anything. And if the former need to be taught to overcome anxiety, then the latter need to be dealt with differently: they must be made to understand that they cannot go somewhere with a stranger without hesitation, they must be careful on the road, maintain subordination with educators and teachers, and be wary of a stray dog. etc. Their courage must have reasonable boundaries!

Do you want to raise a harmonious personality, devoid of complexes and fears? Be patient - and then everything will work out: the child will successfully overcome any far-fetched “dangers”!

Fears are feelings of worry or anxiety that arise in response to a real or imagined threat to life or well-being.
In children, such fears, as a rule, are the result of the psychological influence of adults (most often parents), or self-hypnosis. The appearance of such a problem in a child is a reason for parents to think about it. You should not ignore it, because neurotic manifestations in adults are often the result of unresolved childhood fears.

Causes of children's fears

There are several reasons why children's fears arise:

A traumatic situation suffered by a child and fear of its repetition (a bee sting, for example);
- excessively frequent reminders to the child by parents about the occurrence of possible unpleasant situations;
- accompaniment of any independent actions of the child with an emotionally charged warning about danger lurking along the way;
- frequent bans;
- conversations in the presence of children about various negative phenomena (deaths, murders, fires);
- conflicts in the family, especially if the source involuntarily is the child himself;
- disagreements with peers, their rejection of the child;
- deliberate intimidation of a child by parents with fairy-tale characters (Baba Yaga, goblin, merman) in order to achieve obedience.

These are the so-called age-related fears that appear in emotional and sensitive children.

Quite often, fears are a manifestation of diseases of the nervous system – neuroses.

There are also indirect reasons (prerequisites) that create conditions for the development of children's fears. Thus, the incorrect behavior of the mother, who takes on the role of head of the family, causes anxiety in the child. The mother’s desire to quickly go to work after maternity leave has a bad effect on the child, while the child feels an acute lack of close communication with her.

Children from single-parent families, as well as the only children in the family, who become the center of their parents' worries and worries, are more susceptible to fear. The age of the parents also has an impact - the older the parents, the more likely their children are to develop anxiety and worry. The stress experienced by the mother during pregnancy or the conflict situation in her family during the period of bearing the child also influences the appearance of fears in children.

The presence of certain childhood fears directly depends on the age of the child.

Fears in children of different ages

In children of the first year of life, the most typical fears are associated with the child’s distance from the mother. The child may also be afraid of strangers and new surroundings.
Until the age of three, children are most often afraid of the dark. Often there is a fear of being alone and night terrors.

After three years, the fear of the dark still persists, but new experiences arise - now the child is afraid of being in a confined space, afraid of fairy-tale characters and loneliness (in the sense of “being nobody”).

When a child turns 5 years old, he begins to be afraid of fire, depth, terrible dreams, death, and animals. There may be a fear of losing parents, and at the same time a fear of being punished by them. Often a child experiences fear of being late and of contracting some kind of disease.

From the age of seven, when school years begin, various fears associated with studying may begin - fear of making a mistake, getting a bad grade, not meeting the expectations of adults.

From 10-11 to 16 years of age, a child experiences fear of changing his appearance and various fears of interpersonal origin.

It makes sense to dwell on the main types of fears in children.

Fear of loneliness

Almost everyone knows the fear of being left at home alone from childhood. This is caused in the child by a feeling of uselessness, defenselessness, insufficient love from parents who left him alone. In this case, you need to convince your baby that home is a safe place, and although you have to leave, you still love your boy or girl very much. Agree on a time to expect your return, and be sure to call from time to time. Although, most likely, this fear will disappear completely only when the child grows up.

Fear of the dark

A common fear is the fear of the dark. It happens that they are provoked by adults themselves or one of their friends, jumping out of the darkness and shouting in a scary voice “U-U-U!” or telling that there are some ghosts flying in the dark. Sometimes a kind of “hardening” with darkness helps to get rid of this (gradually increasing the time spent in a dark room, or even sitting in it with a flashlight, showing that there is nothing there and cannot be there except objects). But it’s better not to torture the child and turn on the light, giving him the opportunity to see that nothing has changed and calmly wait for the baby to grow up.

Fear of death

The fear of death in a child has the most adverse effect on the psyche, so never tell him phrases like: “if you don’t listen to me, I can get sick and die.” Try to protect him from attending funerals for at least 10 years. However, periodically mention deceased relatives in front of him, so he will understand that even after death a person continues to live, no matter where - in conversations, in the hearts of people, but he does not disappear completely. If this does not help, it is better to consult a specialist.

How to get rid of fears

It must be said that if a child develops correctly and is healthy, then by the age of 16 all kinds of fears should disappear. However, it is a misconception that a child should never experience anxious feelings at all. With the increasing cognitive activity of a growing organism, it is simply impossible to avoid their appearance, and perhaps not necessary. But everything is good in moderation, therefore, if fears prevent a child from living a quality and happy life, they need to be fought.

What to do if your child’s fears arise very often and undermine his already weak nervous system.

First of all, remember what you should never do:

1. Punish the child for his fears.
2. Taunt him, trying to catch him in pretense or stupidity.
3. Do not try to force the baby into this fear (force him to pet the dog that he is terrified of).
4. Do not allow yourself to uncontrollably watch horror films or read books or magazines with scary plots.

How parents can help their child:

1. Listen carefully and understand the baby’s feelings, because For any fear, it seems like a real danger to his life. At the same time, the child will throw out his emotions, weaken them, and you will get a complete picture of the reasons and picture of his experiences. However, you cannot openly insist that the child tell the reason for his fears, as the problem will worsen even more and become entrenched. You can talk to him directly if he himself takes the initiative. Otherwise, you need to carefully observe and ask leading questions.
2. Assure him that you love him very much, and if such a need arises, you will definitely protect him.
3. Find additional protectors for the child in the form of toy figures, a flashlight, and a blanket.
4. Dispel the child’s fantasies with reality by finding simple explanations for what he thinks are scary objects and phenomena.
5. Tell them that if you follow certain rules, everything will be fine.
6. Read stories together and watch cartoons in which at first there are scary monsters, but in the end they turn out to be just a fantasy (for example, a cartoon about a little raccoon who was afraid of his own reflection in the river).
7. Show the child how to “pour out” fears on paper and conduct a “ritual” of their destruction.

If you cannot cope with your child’s fears, do not delay, contact a psychotherapist. Fears of preschool age, which do not go away after 10 years, serve as a predisposing factor to the development of severe neuroses, as well as drug addiction and alcoholism in the future.

Signs of pathological (neurotic fears):

The appearance of unusually strong fear, a discrepancy between the severity of fear and the strength of the situation that caused it.
- Inconsistency between fear and the situation that led to its occurrence.
- Protracted course of fear, leading to a pronounced disturbance of the general condition (sleep, appetite).
- Characteristic behavior aimed at avoiding a situation that causes fear.

Prevention of fears in children

Remember, pregnancy is the worst time to sort things out. It is not advisable to take exams or defend dissertations or theses during this period. Choose a golden mean in raising your child, do not extol, but do not oppress him. Encourage your child to walk more, run, make something, invite his friends to his house more often. Don’t scare too often with “babes”, someone else’s guy, a policeman, or wolves. Spend more time creating together (sculpting, drawing, cutting and gluing). Play with the whole family. Love your child for who he is. In general, be a good friend and a good mentor to him.

Pediatrician S.V. Sytnik

As teenagers explore the world around them, gain new experiences and confront new and complex problems, worries and apprehensions are an almost inevitable part of the process of growing up.

According to one study, 43% of children aged 6 to 12 years experience many fears and worries. Fear of the dark, especially the fear of being alone in the dark, is one of the most common fears of children at this age, as is the fear of animals such as large barking dogs. Some children are afraid of fire, heights or thunder. Others follow reports on television and in newspapers and worry when they see reports of criminals, child abductors or nuclear war. If a family has recently experienced a serious illness or death of a family member, they may begin to worry about the health of the relatives around them.

During middle adolescence, fears tend to intensify and subside again. Most of them are minor, but even if they get worse, they usually go away on their own over time. However, sometimes these fears can become so strong, persistent and focused on one event that they develop into phobias or obsessive fears. Phobias, very strong, uncontrollable fears, can become persistent and debilitating, greatly affecting and interfering with a child's daily life. For example, a six-year-old child's phobia about dogs may cause him to panic, after which he will refuse to leave the house at all, fearing that there may be a dog there. A ten-year-old child may be so frightened by a news report about a serial killer that he will insist on sleeping in his parents' bed at night.

Some children this age may develop phobias towards people they encounter in everyday life. This severe shyness can prevent a child from making friends at school and forming relationships with most adults, especially strangers. They may deliberately avoid social events such as birthday parties or scout meetings, and will often find it difficult to communicate calmly with anyone outside their family.

Separation anxiety is also quite common among children of this age. In some cases, this fear may increase when a family moves to a new area or when children are placed in a child care facility where they feel uncomfortable. Such children may be afraid to go to summer camps or even go to school. Their phobias can cause physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomach pains, and ultimately lead to a child becoming withdrawn and later depressed.

Around the age of 6-7 years, when children begin to understand what death is, another fear may arise. Realizing that death will eventually affect everyone, that it is a permanent and irreversible phenomenon, the completely normal worry about the possible death of family members - or even about the death of oneself - can only increase. In some cases, such preoccupation with death can lead to a state of incapacity.

Phobias

Symptoms

The feeling of fear is associated with a certain object or situation (fear of animals, claustrophobia - fear of closed spaces).

Behavior aimed at avoiding a situation that causes fear, as well as escaping from a similar situation or from an object.

Physiological changes caused by fear: tachycardia, increased sweating, tachypnea, shortness of breath, nausea.

The patient's reaction is inappropriate to the situation.

The phobia occurs as monosymptomatic or polysymptomatic.

Treatment

Explain the cause of the disease.

Before starting intervention using behavioral therapy methods, it is necessary to conduct a thorough analysis of objects and situations that cause fear.

Behavioral therapy. Systematic desensitization: gradual approach to an object that causes fear; Flood therapy: massive contact with the feared object and prevention of reactions.

Fear attacks and panic attacks

Symptoms

Sudden and unpredictable onset of fear; fear is not associated with any specific situation; physiological symptoms as in phobias; The duration of the attack is several minutes.

Treatment

Analysis of situations that cause a panic attack. Confrontational treatment in combination with training in strategies for overcoming fear.

Additionally - relaxation exercises, biofeedback training.

Drug treatment (rarely): antidepressants, anxiolytics.

Generalized fears

Also called spontaneous fears.

Symptoms:

• feeling of motor tension, feeling of oppression;
• autonomic complaints: complaints when swallowing, cold and sweaty extremities, tachycardia and palpitations;
• increased timidity, fear of danger, impaired concentration.

Treatment

Psychotherapy: teach coping strategies to reduce the severity of fear.

Supportive biofeedback techniques and relaxation exercises.

Maintenance drug treatment: antidepressants, antipsychotics.

Fear of separation, fear of school

Reason: excessively strong connection with a loved one. Sometimes a traumatic experience of separation in the past.

Symptoms:

• refusal to attend school and notifying parents about this;
• physical complaints without a identifiable organic cause;
• depressed mood;
• excessive timidity;
• fear of sudden illness, loss or disaster.

Treatment

Long-term refusal to attend school requires inpatient treatment.

The purpose of inpatient treatment: isolation of the patient, formation of his social independence, gradual accustoming to school.

Drug treatment: antidepressants.

Treatment of fears and phobias in children

Since fears are a normal part of life and often serve as a response to a real or at least perceived threat to the outside world, parents must reassure and support the child. When talking with him, parents should accept his experiences, but not exaggerate or strengthen them. Consider what is already being done to protect your child and work with your child to identify additional actions that can be taken. Such simple, sensitive and frank actions by parents will help solve or cope with most children's fears. If practical confirmation is not successful, the child's fears may turn out to be a phobia.

Fortunately, most phobias are treatable. In general, they are not a sign of a serious mental illness that requires treatment over many months or years.

The techniques described in this chapter will help your child cope with his everyday fears. However, if his worries persist and interfere with his enjoyment of life, the child “may need professional help from a psychiatrist or psychologist who specializes in the treatment of phobias.

As part of a phobia treatment plan, many doctors recommend exposing a child to the source of their fears in small, non-harmful doses. With the guidance of a doctor, a child who is afraid of dogs can start by talking about his fears and watching photos or videos of dogs. After that, he can watch the dog from the window. Then, with one of the parents or a doctor nearby, the child can spend a few minutes in the same room with a friendly, affectionate puppy. Over time, the child will be able to feed the dog himself, and later be able to calmly be around unfamiliar larger dogs.

This gradual process is called desensitization - meaning that your child will become less sensitive to the source of his fear each time he has to face it. Ultimately, the child will no longer avoid the situation that has always served as the basis for his phobia. Although this process seems quite logical and uncomplicated, it should only be carried out under the close supervision of a professional.

Sometimes psychotherapy can also help children become more confident and less afraid. In addition, breathing exercises and relaxation techniques can help children in difficult situations.

In some cases, your doctor may recommend medications as part of a treatment program, but not as the only therapeutic intervention. Such medications may include antidepressants to help reduce the anxiety and panic that often underlie these problems.

Helping a child who is afraid

Here are some tips to help parents of children with fears and phobias.

• Talk to your child about his fears, while being an empathetic interlocutor. Explain that many children have their own fears, but with your help he will learn to cope with them.
• Do not humiliate your child or make fun of his fears, especially in front of his peers.
• Don't try to force your child to be brave. It may take some time before he learns to overcome his fears. However, you can try to convince him to gradually come closer and closer to the objects of his fears, but never insist on this. If your child is afraid of the dark, take him by the hand and stay in the dark room with him for a few seconds. If your child is afraid of water, walk with him in the children's pool as he wades through it, so that the water reaches the level of his knees. Praise him for every success, even the smallest one, and it will be easier for him to take the next step. Focus on what the child has already managed to cope with, and not on the source of fear itself.