What to do for married people in love - standards for relationship development. Married man and free woman: psychology of relationships

All fairy tales about good fellows and beautiful princesses end the same way, “and I was there, drinking honey and beer...”, that is, with a wedding. The reality is not always so rosy. Sometimes a good fellow finds himself already burdened with family ties, and looking for an open relationship in his free time from these same ties. It is not difficult to understand such a man - the weaker sex, one woman is not enough for complete happiness, additional support from the outside is needed. But it’s quite difficult to understand a woman who agreed to be “in the wings.”

A rather strange relationship develops between a married man and his mistress. They meet only when it is convenient for him. Often she knows that he is not going to divorce his legal wife. She cannot openly attend public events with him, she cannot call him outside of school hours, even if something serious happened, she cannot come to him when she wants affection. she celebrates holidays alone and goes on vacation alone. He gets physical pleasure and energy recharge whenever he wants.

Some women believe stories about small children and a serious illness of his wife, that he has not maintained an intimate relationship with her for a long time and lives with her only because he is so decent, cannot leave a woman in a difficult life situation, and other similar nonsense. And this despite the fact that when they hear similar stories from others, they immediately conclude that the man is lying. Someone else's man, but not hers. She speaks “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.” And they sincerely believe that he loves only her and is indifferent to his wife.

Unfortunately, this situation is not uncommon. Sometimes such relationships last for years. And a fairly reasonable question arises:

Why do women date married men?

One of the reasons for this trouble is lack of self-confidence or dislike for oneself. A woman becomes a victim because she thinks that she doesn’t deserve better. Such women grow up from girls who were scolded by too strict parents for the slightest offense and inspired in them that they were good for nothing. Sometimes a girl, having seen enough of models and movie stars, convinces herself that she is ugly and a normal man would not even look at her.

Another reason for this state of affairs may be that the woman is quite happy with it. Despite all the obvious disadvantages, she finds more positives in a relationship with a married man, and these positives outweigh the scales.

For example, she doesn’t like preparing breakfast in the morning, or cooking in general, washing someone else’s clothes, cleaning up after someone, putting up with a man next to her when she wants to be alone, and so on.

Sometimes a girl who doubts her attractiveness is afraid to appear to a man without makeup, with sleepy eyes and generally “not on show.” Most often this happens when a girl grew up in a family where there was no father or brothers.

Sometimes a woman is convinced that all normal men have been married for a long time, and if no one has gotten their hands on a man yet, then there is something wrong with him and there are only assholes around. This happens when she grew up in a dysfunctional family where the mother was the victim.

What to do?

First, understand your feelings. Do you really love this person, or is it infatuation or addiction?

Secondly, write down on paper all the pros in one column and all the cons in the other. Try to weigh what is more.

Thirdly, believe that there are actually a lot of free, worthy men! Moreover, they often do not marry for a long time, since today there are too many available women who do not respect themselves and are not capable of strong feelings. Therefore, a self-respecting man takes a long time to choose a worthy wife.

Stop believing fairy tales about a treacherous or terminally ill wife! With rare exceptions, this is what all men who crave adventure on the side say. In fact, they are just using your energy to support their perhaps not entirely happy marriage.

If you sincerely love a married man and hope that he will divorce and marry you, ask him about it directly and let him set a specific date for when this will happen. But do not forget the folk wisdom that “you cannot build happiness on someone else’s grief.”

Understand that you yourself agreed to this situation and are now free to choose whether to remain in a humiliating relationship with a married man, or break it off in order to find a free man and create a full-fledged family with him.

The site for bitches Koshechka.ru today will help you figure out what to do with a married man, if it so happens that your choice fell on him.

The question is all the more relevant because today it is a fairly common occurrence, and it is a rare girl who can avoid this kind of adventure. Unfortunately, the statistics are inexorable: the number of women still far exceeds the number of men, so even the most notorious bitch has little choice.

The situation is complicated by the fact that by the age of 25, finding an unmarried man of the same age for a girl is like winning the lottery. What can you do, while you were getting an education and making a career, others were purposefully looking for a husband. Everyone got what they wanted.

And now, when you have time for your personal life, the same one appeared in it, “captured” several years ago by your enterprising peer, who, perhaps, made a noble gesture in response to a tearful message: “Honey, I’m pregnant,” a stranger in the eyes of society , and in your heart - the only one. Your romance has been going on for quite a long time, it is exhausting and does not give any hope for continuation, but it is so difficult to make any decision.

In fact, there are only two options: either break up with him, or force him to divorce his wife and formalize your relationship as it should be. Let's take a closer look at all the points relating to this sensitive issue.

What to do with a married man? All possible options

Take everything you can from life

If it so happens that your man is married and at the moment this is the only option you have, just be glad that he is there. When asked what to do with a married man, the answer is simple: nothing. Enjoy what he can give you: sex, love, tenderness, care, gifts.

You have a mutually beneficial alliance in which everyone is free to make a choice. While there is no alternative, hold your tit in your hands, but do not forget to peer into the sky: perhaps the crane is just circling somewhere above your head.

Go with the flow

What to do with a married man if thoughts about his wife haunt him? Don't think about her! Especially if you are not going to take him away from the family at all, but simply meet him at the call of your heart. Does she love him? But you also have the right to love!

It doesn’t matter how your relationship with your current lover will turn out later, at the present moment - here and now - you feel good together. In the end, everything has its advantages: you don’t expect him to propose, knowing that he cannot do it. Relationships do not promise anything, which means there will be no disappointment from them.

It's not your fault that you fell in love with a man who already has a family. Besides, you can’t force yourself to be nice. He has feelings specifically for you, this cannot be changed even by the boldest stamp in the passport. Stay calm and don't torment yourself with pangs of conscience. You have absolutely nothing to blame yourself for. Just wait to see how the relationship turns out and don’t regret anything.

Take it away

In fact, it already belongs to you. What to do with a married man who is simply stalling for time to have a decisive conversation with his wife? Fight. Especially if you understand that the feeling that has arisen is something much more than an ordinary whim.

Love is worth fighting for even with your legal spouse. And, of course, if you are a real bitch, you will not back down from any obstacle. It is likely that his marriage was just a mistake, for which all three now have to pay: him, him. In this case, you just have to cut this knot and put everything in its place.

Be patient

Well, what else can you do with a married man if you don’t tolerate it? After all, you knew what you were getting into when you started this relationship. Just wait out this difficult period in your life when you have to share your beloved man with his wife. Time will put everything in its place, so relationships cannot last forever.

Until the happy moment of resolving the triangle comes, be patient and try not to force things. If you start putting pressure on him, he will most likely either leave you, unable to withstand the pressure and strength of your character, or make a too rash decision, as a result of which the knot will only tighten even tighter.

the site advises: know how to wait and don’t torment him or yourself with hysterics.

Take off your rose-colored glasses

Look at the situation realistically, do not cherish hopes that he will leave his wife, especially if they have children. As the figures show, 80% of husbands cheat on their wives, but only a few of them leave the family completely. When thinking about what to do with a married man, do not have any illusions about your happy future together.

If you don’t want to be disappointed and suffer, don’t fly in the clouds: falling will be very painful. However, a real bitch is always able to realistically assess any situation.

Take the plunge

If your relationship brings you suffering and you understand that you can neither endure nor wait for him to decide what to do, decide for yourself what to do with a married man.

If you are a real bitch, you will be able to find the strength to leave him, even if you truly love him. Yes, it’s quite difficult to do this, but the longer you delay, the more painful it will be later.

Let your self-esteem serve as an incentive for this, because it is such a humiliation to be used like a toy. Beloved, beautiful, caressed, but still a toy in the hands of a selfish man.

Knock out the wedge with the wedge

Without knowing what to do with a married man, you can make many mistakes. Don’t get hung up on it, try to communicate with your friends and go to public places. And even better - be on top, let men pay attention to you, and if someone else, less interesting, but without a ring on his ring finger, invites you on a date, without hesitation, go. Feel free to start dating someone else as soon as the opportunity arises.

Remember: he does the same thing, returning to his wife every time after your night together. Therefore, let you at least have a friend.

Perhaps over time you will need him more than your married womanizer. And even if not, then with his support it will be much easier to end a long-term and empty relationship: in difficult times, he will lend his shoulder to you.

Stay independent

No matter how painful the question of what to do with a married man torments you, remain free to choose. Remember: if he is cheating on his wife now, then he can do the same with you when you take her place.

Therefore, you should not strive so hard to get this unenviable role. Since you happen to fall in love with a married man, try to make the most of it: after all, this is what all bitches do. But remember that this is a “temporary shelter” until you find something more suitable.

Decide for yourself how long your secret meetings will be, and don’t let him ruin your life, even if this man is the most skilled lover in the entire Universe. You are still very young, beautiful, interesting, therefore you deserve more than this “used” macho.

Most likely, your relationship will not end in anything - unfortunately, this is confirmed by statistics - so you should not attach too much importance to it. Let it be just a small adventure from which you, as a smart, strong and independent woman, will learn another life lesson.

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Discussion: 7 comments

Great article!

Answer

Marriage bonds are not always a guarantee of eternal love and fidelity. Representatives of the stronger sex, as a rule, hide sympathy that arises outside the family. This behavior is caused by the desire to save a marriage, raise children, or the fear of not being accepted in society.

Quite simple if you know some behavioral features.

In contact with

Often it is the woman, intentionally or without realizing it, who gives the man hope for continued communication. If this is not included in the plans, then it is better to study how to behave with a man, married or in a relationship, so as not to be misunderstood:

1. Be polite and friendly, but keep your distance. Often optimism and expressions of interest are perceived as flirting.
2. Say non-binding things. Don't ask about your personal life or tell too much about yourself.
3. Don't make frivolous jokes. Such behavior not only does not look good on a girl, but is also considered bad manners.
4. Let's understand that you don't need attention, but don't be rude.

Many girls perceive a young man with a ring on his finger as that same forbidden, but sweet fruit. In reality, everything is not so romantic. Representatives of the stronger sex who practice going “to the left” need only carnal joys. Carrying the burden of responsibility for another woman on your shoulders, striving to help her solve problems, and even more so, having children, is not in the interests of “married people.”

What to do if you like a married man?

Suppressing your feelings is not an easy task, and even having a family cannot stop some ladies in love. If you like a married man, what should you do to build a relationship with him? Some points to consider:

1. Assess whether this is really necessary. The behavior of a married man in love can be very promising, but according to statistics, only 1 man out of 20 leaves for his mistress. Do you agree to sacrifice time, beauty and youth in the name of a person living for another family?
2. Be spectacular. Grooming and sexuality are a woman’s weapon. You can’t relax: lack of styling, sloppy makeup, simple clothes - all this is unacceptable for a mistress.
3. Support and help. If you like a married man, how should you behave? Be meek and affectionate. Sensitivity and tenderness should be a priority in such relationships. Demanding, threatening, throwing tantrums are bad tactics.
4. 4. Create maximum comfort. Let it be cozy, easy and pleasant nearby.

Don't ask him for a divorce. Such pressure can only provoke a return to the family. When asked what to do if you like a married man, but he doesn’t want to get a divorce, there are only two answers - wait or leave.

Another sensitive question is what to do if you like a man and are married? There is no clear answer to this, however:

1. Assess the situation soberly. Being “on your shore”, you should realize that such relationships carry mutual risks. It will be difficult to hide sympathy from your other half, and not everyone is ready to destroy families.
2. If the feelings are mutual and strong, then the best solution would be an honest conversation with the spouses. It is easier to survive a painful divorce than many years of lies and betrayal.
3. If family is a priority, then relationships on the side must be broken off. Leave once and for all, otherwise you risk losing both by chasing two birds with one stone.
4. Don't worry about social acceptance. It is unlikely that others will perceive such a couple adequately. Be prepared for judgment, but don't dwell on it. Remember that your own happiness is more important than other people's gossip and gossip.

How to understand that a married man likes you?

The signs of a man in love, married or single, are the same. The only difference is, perhaps, the attempts to hide sympathy from the woman. How to tell if a married man likes you:

1. Open smile. If upon meeting him he smiles broadly and sincerely, then this is a good sign.
2. Gestures. One of the best ways to understand that a married man has fallen in love with you is to watch his movements. If during communication he touches his neck, twists his belt or straightens his hair, then he is probably showing sympathy.
3. Mirror effect. The repetition of a woman’s actions also relates to how a man in love, married or single, behaves. This is explained by a subconscious desire to be liked.
4. Open pose. How do you know if a married or single man likes you? If the toes of his shoes are turned towards the woman, when he meets, he spreads his arms wide, and in a sitting position he spreads his knees, then this is a sign of sympathy.
5. Another way to understand whether a married man likes you is touch. Accidental touching with a hand or sleeve indicates attraction.
6. Politeness and gallantry. How does a married man in love behave? He is ready to lend a hand, present a coat, help carry a bag.
7. Compliments. You can talk about how to understand whether a married man loves you for quite a long time. Perhaps compliments are the most obvious manifestation of love. The main thing is not to confuse them with banal politeness.

How to understand that a married man loves you? He is looking for a meeting, strives to spend time together and is ready to provide any help. As a rule, the signs are easy to read and rarely make a woman doubt this issue.

Signs He Loves You But Is Hiding His Feelings

Sometimes the feelings that arise become a bolt from the blue. If a man is not ready for a relationship and does not want to reveal the true state of affairs, then he will not show overt signs of attention. However, there are still ways to understand that a married man is in love but is hiding his feelings.

1. How to understand that a man is in love (married or not) by looking at him. As you know, eyes are the mirror of the soul. It is rare to be able to hide the truth in one's gaze. Focusing on the lips, neck, body curves, softness and tenderness in the gaze reveal real intentions.
2. How to understand that a married man loves you by his appearance. A sudden change in image, increased frequency of sports, and increased attention to one’s own clothes are in many cases caused by falling in love.
3. How to understand what a man really loves if he is married by his behavior. If he happens to be nearby, casually offers help or touches with his hand, then his feelings are quite strong.
4. How to understand that a man who is married or in a relationship likes you based on energy. It is impossible to hide sexual attraction to a girl. The entire space seems to be filled with the energy of attraction. Only the most inattentive woman can fail to notice such a manifestation.

Useful video

The relationship between a man and a woman is shrouded in maturity. You can understand all the difficulties in mutual understanding and improve relationships from this video:

Conclusion

1. Many articles and essays have been written about how to understand whether a man, married or in a relationship, loves you. However, in reality it is not difficult at all.
2. Whether or not to respond to signals is a much more confusing topic. Remember that such stories rarely end in a new happy marriage.

A girl who falls in love with a married man deserves sympathy. You cannot always keep your own feelings under control and be guided by reason alone. In addition, sometimes representatives of the fair sex simply have no other worthy choice among guys. But you need to understand that the relationship will not be smooth.

Romance or love?

If you are tormented by the thought that you are interfering with someone else’s family, you need to understand yourself and find out what your man’s intentions are. When he is only in the mood for a light affair, it is up to you to decide whether to agree or not.

Married men leading double lives often turn out to be manipulators pursuing their own interests. How to learn not to give in to other people's desires? Let's watch the video!

Most likely, this will not bring much harm to your loved one’s marriage, especially if the young man is accustomed to such a lifestyle, and his wife either lives with rose-colored glasses or deliberately turns a blind eye to constant infidelity. But such a short-term, meaningless romance can bring you many sad moments. If you really love a man, you will suffer greatly when he leaves you.

Is divorce possible?

When your chosen one is not doing well in his marriage, he says that divorce is only a matter of time, perhaps it is better for you to wait until he finally separates from his wife. Understand that such promises can be a simple ploy, and do not trust words alone 100%.

If your man's intentions are transparent, he will first sort things out with his wife and then begin to build a relationship with you. When a young man is not going to move from words to action, the situation can drag on endlessly until you come to terms with your position as an eternal mistress.

A wonderful feeling or a double betrayal?

If you are inflamed with feelings for your friend with an engagement ring and decide to conquer him, think twice. You shouldn’t destroy someone else’s family, especially if there are children in it. By trying to seduce someone else's husband, you are committing an unseemly act.

It’s another matter if a young man himself demonstrates open interest in you, but taking initiative in such matters is unacceptable for a woman with self-esteem. Think about the fact that if your efforts are successful, you will not be able to be sure of the fidelity of your new partner.

Loss of control or serious relationship?

Perhaps your relationship with a married man has already developed. If you have lost your head and let the situation take its course, think about your own future. When your chosen one is satisfied with everything, he is not going to leave either his family or you, decide how you will live in a few years. If you want to have your own family, children, a full-fledged relationship, all these benefits will not be available to you as long as your man is happy with his double life.

Over time, it will become increasingly difficult for you to find a worthy life partner and build new relationships. You will begin to get more and more stuck in your situation. Soberly assess the situation taking into account your goals. Most likely, your partner does not truly value either you or his wife, so stop deceiving yourself and take care of finding true personal happiness.

Have you always condemned the “third odd ones” who unceremoniously burst into other people’s marriages and take men away from the family, but now you are forced to reconsider your views? And all because they themselves found themselves in a similar situation and became the mistress of a married man. And it seems that the unscrupulous homewrecker is no longer such, and the wife is seen as a vixen who by force holds the unfree man of your dreams.

Whether you date a married man or end the relationship is up to you. But in order for the decision to be conscious, and you can imagine what awaits you in the future, you can try to understand the situation. Namely, to understand what pitfalls you will have to stumble upon while in the status of a mistress, and what such a relationship is fraught with.

The women's magazine site will consider what are the pros and cons of loving a married man.

What's bad about relationships in a love triangle?

• Waste of time. You are constantly waiting for your loved one and live from meeting to meeting. He promises to come visit on the weekend, and you spend the whole day in anticipation: tidying up, getting dressed, preparing dinner. And after seeing your sweetheart off to his wife, you again begin to wait for the next date. The time spent waiting flies quickly, and you can’t get it back.
• Loneliness. On the one hand, you have a beloved man who visits your apartment, you have sex with him and have dinner together from time to time, he gives you gifts and says tender words. On the other hand, you feel lonely, since your loved one has a family and, perhaps, even children. It is with his family that he spends weekends and holidays, and you have to be content with the minutes and hours that he carves out for short meetings.
• Stealth. You are constantly forced to control yourself: you cannot call him on his mobile at any time, walk on the street holding his hand, or take photos together. Your life has turned into one continuous mystery, consisting of eternal “you can’t” and “not now.”
• Second roles. When becoming the mistress of a married man, you must realize that his wife will always come first, then his children, then someone else. And when will it be your turn again? “You are the main person in my life,” no matter how much you dream of such words addressed to you, you are unlikely to get them from him. More than once you will have to experience the humiliating feeling when, while indulging in lovemaking in your bed, he hastily grabs his cell phone and in a broken voice makes excuses to his wife who called, explaining that he is at work and will soon arrive home.
• Boomerang effect. Modern psychology does not deny the existence of the boomerang principle, when bad things return to the one who created them. While you, stealing moments of happiness, revel in your love, your wife, suspecting cheating, waits and suffers. Psychologists say that actions that entail the suffering of others will sooner or later be punished with a retaliatory blow.

What good is there in a relationship with a married man?

But, to be honest, a relationship with a married man also has its advantages - just look at it from a different angle.

• Lots of free time. If you are a freedom-loving person, then you will like a relationship with a married man because you have the opportunity to do what you want. Unlike your wife, who takes care of the house and children, you are not attached to anyone or anything. A party at a club, shopping, fitness classes in the evenings - why not, if you want?
• Enjoying life. Lack of obligations allows you not to get hung up on your lover, but to enjoy what is happening. Was your loved one unable to get free in the evening? It’s not scary, you can go to a restaurant with a handsome suitor who has been seeking your favor for a long time. Is your lover celebrating the New Year with his family? It doesn’t matter, because the head of a neighboring department has had his eye on you for a long time and offers to spend the holidays skiing in the suburbs of Sochi. Conclusion: if a married man does not occupy all your thoughts, then you can have a good time in his absence.
• Drive. A relationship with a married man will be a breath of fresh air among the usual gray everyday life. You are so tired of boring work, monotonous days and gloomy colleagues that you want to get depressed. And here - passion, adrenaline, explosive emotions... Sex in the most unimaginable places and positions, fear of being seen, hungry glances furtively cast at each other - this is not the plot for an erotic novel.
• Advantages. His wife is an eternal housekeeper, cook and teacher rolled into one. And you are a free woman, ready to have sex with your loved one at any time or, dressed in evening dress, accompany him to dinner at a restaurant. You don’t have a headache, you don’t get tired, spending the whole evening cooking, cleaning and playing with the children. She is confident in his love and loyalty, but you know that he has to live with her for the sake of children, common property, or simply out of habit.

So, it turns out that love for a married man can be different. It depends on your perception of the current situation. You can tear your soul into pieces and throw pieces of your heart at his feet, sit in a dark room in the evenings and count the minutes until his appearance. Or you can not concentrate on a man, not torment yourself with vain worries regarding his legal wife and enjoy life.

Is a relationship with a married man good or bad? Most likely bad. And, if you can avoid them, then it is best to do so. Even though there are quite a few examples when a man got divorced and then he and his mistress lived happily ever after, but it’s better not to build a relationship on someone else’s broken happiness. Believe me, there are enough single and self-sufficient representatives of the stronger sex in this world who picture your image in their dreams of an ideal woman.