Lack of parental love. Subtle (or very noticeable) consequences in adulthood

Most contemporaries suffering from depression, obsessive fears and complexes tend to look for the causes of their abnormal condition in the influence negative factors environment. Adults often don’t even suspect that the real culprits of today’s problems are childhood psychological trauma. Indeed, most of the events of young years have lost their relevance over time, crises and difficulties have lost their relevance, and those suffered in childhood are rather vaguely represented in memory. However, the consequences of childhood psychotraumas that are not perceived at a conscious level are quite firmly rooted in the subconscious, creating a specific “life program” for the individual.

Causes of childhood psychotrauma

The question of what can cause psychological trauma in adolescents and children cannot be answered objectively and unambiguously, since the interpretation and significance of any event for a person has purely individual criteria. However, it can be argued that the fragile psyche of a small personality is much more susceptible to the negative effects of the environment. What a mature person would consider an insignificant and surmountable obstacle will become a huge disaster for a child.

The only objective criterion for assessing adverse circumstances that have arisen in a child’s life may be a combination of factors: the significance of the event for the child and the strength of the emotional reaction in response to this phenomenon. Psychological trauma in childhood is a traumatic event that the child interprets as vitally important. These are the phenomena about which he worries strongly and for a long time. Those circumstances that deprive you of peace of mind, mental balance and require fundamental changes in thinking and behavior.

Research conducted by psychologists among children and adolescents suggests that the most difficult events for a small person to bear are:

• moral, physical, sexual violence;
• death of a close relative;
• own illness or illness of parents;
• divorce of parents, departure of one of the adults from the family;
• unexpected disruption of family relationships;
• sudden alienation of a parent from a child;
• betrayal, deception, injustice on the part of relatives, authoritative adults and friends;
• disappointment, dissatisfaction from unfulfilled hopes;
• being raised by immoral adults;
• growing up in an asocial atmosphere, both in the family and in the team;
• overprotection or lack of parental attention;
• “oscillatory” strategy for raising a child, lack of a unified approach among parents regarding the requirements for the baby;
• a quarrel with a close friend on his initiative;
• a situation where a child feels like an outcast from society;
• conflict in the educational team;
• unfair treatment, pressure from authoritarian teachers;
• excessive workload of the child with educational and extracurricular activities.

There is a version that childhood psychotrauma - common consequence wrong strategy for raising a child. The result of unconstructive life stereotypes existing in adults, which are passed on to the descendant “by inheritance.” According to this point of view, children adopt from their parents at a subconscious level formed directives regarding the rules of life: how to live, how to behave correctly, how to react in specific situations. Children unknowingly inherit the destructive “rules of the game” established by their parents, and in a burdened form.

A lot of negative attitudes have been described that create the ground for childhood psychotrauma and poison a person’s life in mature age. Let us describe some of these instructions imposed by parents.

Directive 1. “It would be better if you had not been born.”

Parents tirelessly inform their offspring about how many difficulties arose after his birth. They provide evidence of how much strength it takes for an offspring to grow up. The child’s interpretation follows: “It’s better for me to die so that my parents stop suffering.”

Adults constantly point out how beautiful, smart, and capable other children are, and how mediocre and stupid theirs is. own child. This leads to small man begins to be ashamed of his individuality, tries to blend in with the faceless crowd, runs away from himself, putting on “masks” that are convenient for adults.

Directive 3. “You are already an adult, but you behave like a child.”

Parents claim that it is time for their descendants to wise up, grow up and abandon childishness. They say that he behaves very stupidly, like a baby, but it’s already time for him to go to school. As a result, the child is deprived of the most beautiful thing - childhood with age-appropriate desires, needs, and games.

Directive 4. “You will always be small for us.”

Such parents are very afraid that their baby will one day grow up and lead independent life. They do everything they can to stop his attempts to grow up, slowing him down at the level of development of a preschooler. As a result, a person simply loses the ability to think and act independently.

Directive 5. “Stop dreaming, and start acting.”

Adults deprive the child of the natural need to fantasize, daydream, and make plans. This simply kills the opportunity for the future to consider the problem from different points of view. As a result of one-sided thinking, a person commits a lot of irreparable stupidities.

Directive 6: “Stop whining and become cool.”

The order: “Stop expressing your emotions” is similar to the command: “Stop feeling.” As a result, a person pushes his feelings and experiences deep into the subconscious, subsequently acquiring various mental problems.

Directive 7. “You can’t trust anyone.”

Parents give examples that all the people around them are deceivers, liars and scammers. From an early age a person learns that any contact is fraught with fatal consequences. As a result, he withdraws into himself, because the world around him is hostile and dangerous.

What are the dangers of childhood psychological trauma: consequences

Psychological traumas of childhood significantly slow down the process of human socialization. It becomes difficult for a child to make friends, make new contacts, and adapt to the conditions of a new team.

From childhood, the ground is formed for the development of obsessive fears, for example: in which a person is simply afraid of the human community. Trauma received in childhood gives rise to a variety of depressive disorders, in which a global sense of self-guilt destroys a person’s entire life. A very common consequence of stress experienced in youth is obsessive-compulsive disorder, when a person is overcome by some illogical obsession, and he takes some kind of “defensive” actions.

Unresolved childhood problems lead to the formation of abnormal addictions, including alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, computer addiction. Psychological traumas of childhood are reflected in adulthood in the form of eating abnormalities: compulsive overeating or anorexia nervosa.

In addition to the above, the following statement is true: all personality complexes are the result of experienced traumas in at a young age. It is during childhood that the formation of certain character traits occurs, which, under unfavorable circumstances, reach the size of accentuations and take the form of various personality disorders.

How to help a child survive trauma: psychological help

Most main advice all parents - to acquire a decent level of psychological and pedagogical knowledge, to choose the right strategy for raising their offspring, devoid of destructive stereotypes. The task of parents is to create a comfortable environment for the development and formation of personality, to provide all assistance in competently overcoming the difficulties encountered by the child. Do not ignore the child’s worries, but become a reliable travel companion to whom the child can tell his worries without fear or doubt. Do not leave situations to chance when changes in the child’s behavior become obvious.

At the slightest sign of development psychological trauma You should visit a psychologist and work together to develop an adequate program aimed at restoring mental balance in the little person. Today, many psychotherapeutic activities have been developed for children, allowing them to develop the child’s ability to full life, eliminate barriers imposed from outside and put an end to destructive stereotypes of thinking inherent in the social environment.

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anonymous, Female, 24 years old

Hello! Now I’m already 24, but I still have memories of how painful it was to study at school. At the age of 17, I was a modest, kind student, with grades of 5 and 4. I had no friends, although I wanted to communicate, but my school was in the village, there was little choice for friends, and the ones I had set me up and bullied me. There was almost no one to trust. Some teachers also treated me poorly and cultivated self-doubt. On the physical side of the issue, I was allegedly hurt by my overweight. At school there was an unofficial emphasis on physical education, because The school was usually a leader in the area. Sometimes even boys attacked and fought me for losing in a regular relay race. In high school, in addition to physical education classes, there was a group of younger, lagging girls who attacked me in the locker room and during the classes themselves in a three-on-one style (the reason was that my family was wealthy by the standards of the village). My classmates immediately ran away, tail between their legs and leaving me, and the teachers did not pay attention. The matter was resolved with the help of my parents, when I had already completely lost heart. There were also many other situations that “broke” my psyche. After finishing school and moving to study, I changed, found friends, was rehabilitated, realized that before that I had lived in hell, but the negative effects remained - anger, mistrust, sociopathy, low self-esteem. IN this moment I see 2 consequences. First, from the moment I graduated from school to this day, with a frequency of 1-2 weeks, I have been seeing dreams about school. Their scenario is usually such that everyone is present there and looks the way I remember them, and they try to bully me again, or simply do nothing, while I behave like an adult, a different person, and this teaches them a lesson, or takes revenge. Sometimes I beat them or bring them to death. I admit that deep down in my heart, in reality, this is what I wish for them. The frequency of such dreams frightens me. The second (came up recently), I got sick, there was destruction of the knee joints, which I had been developing since childhood, but I didn’t know about it. And although I understand that this is my fault - I did not complain to my parents and doctors about the first symptoms, during my student years I systematically played sports for myself, but now I blame the school for my emotions. The teacher made me run on the asphalt, laughed if I couldn’t do some exercises, and gave me C grades. My movements were limited due to the onset of the disease, but I didn’t pay attention to it, and our doctors were very bad. All I had to do was take time off from classes, and now I would be healthy. Once we even had a voluntary cross-country race, in which I did not want to participate and specially came to ordinary clothes and shoes. This is mine class teacher, so that our class would not lose, she forced me to run in autumn shoes and jeans on the same asphalt. And this is just one example. That’s why dreams have become more frequent now. I also kill teachers in them. My questions are as follows. Is it really possible for me to forget all this hell and by what methods? Personally, it seems to me that you need to either forgive them and let them go (it doesn’t work), or come back and take revenge (this is stupid and impossible). Do I have to see a therapist or can I overcome this on my own? And if you don’t pay attention to it, will it be forgotten with age? Why even after years of happiness adult life, I wake up in a cold sweat after such dreams and remember it again? It’s also very unpleasant to return there when I go to visit my parents; my soul is immediately heavy in that place. The homeland is associated only with torment.

Hello. Thank you for sharing your story. I will answer your questions. Forgetting what you call hell is no longer realistic and you shouldn’t force yourself trying to do it. Moreover, in order to free yourself from the pain that accompanies you, you need to remember what the psyche managed to repress in order to protect you. To do this, you need to go to and undergo personal therapy to heal the wound that was inflicted on you in childhood. I’m not sure that you can handle it yourself, because you don’t have such experience. You can alleviate your condition if you start engaging in self-development. But such wounds do not heal on their own, even if the pain subsides over time. Faced with such an attitude towards oneself, everything will return again and pain and suffering will intensify. Moreover, you will, completely unconsciously, attract people who will humiliate you. Therefore, you should not rely on time, it does not heal, it delays the hour of reckoning for lost time. I believe that you will not stop at this consultation and will move on to become a person free from the past. Good luck!

Parenting mistakes can ruin children's lives. In childhood, a child must feel a sufficient amount of love and tenderness for himself, otherwise in the future he will begin to develop the syndrome of the so-called dislike. Such people usually do not have good relationships with the opposite sex, with their own children and with everyone around them. Unloved children suffer from frequent illnesses and failures in all matters, but cannot understand the reasons for this. Therefore, it is necessary to consider what the syndrome of dislike is, how it manifests itself and what its consequences may be.

Unloved children suffer from many problems in adulthood

Definition

Psychology says that any syndrome is a system of symptoms that have their own origin. The unloved child syndrome is no exception. The complex can arise not only in childhood, but also in adolescence and even in adulthood. A child himself can never firmly say whether he receives enough love from his parents. He feels that he is missing something in his relationship with his parents, but does not understand what exactly.

Such children have many problems in adult life. To solve them, you need to realize your dislike.

The syndrome usually appears at an age when the child’s psyche is not fully formed. This happens before age 7. No matter how strange it may sound, dislike can develop even in the womb. Therefore, it is important that a pregnant woman strokes her belly, talks to her unborn baby, and calls him affectionate names.

This syndrome has many manifestations. All signs can be seen in adulthood if you do not start solving the problem in time. In adulthood, signs appear:

• difficulties in communicating with other people;
• low self-esteem;
• due to an incorrectly formed worldview, a person feels like a failure;
• frequent change of sexual partners;
• man demands huge amount love, so it’s difficult to build a serious relationship with him;
• holds his own children within strict limits, raises them dryly and rudely;
• a constant feeling of lack of happiness, despite the fact that everything is fine.

To prevent a person from suffering from this serious syndrome as an adult, parents need to pay attention to their children and show them love.

Consequences of the syndrome

Having become an adult, the unloved child starts a family, but the situation repeats itself again. Children do not receive much love in their relationships with their parents and repeat the same pattern of behavior with their children. Some parents were too busy at work and could not go to the park with their son or daughter. Others did not understand how to show their love for the baby. As a result, a complex of dislike develops, which entails certain consequences.

On the basis of dislike, a mechanism of trust in the surrounding world develops. How confident the child is in parental love and care, depends on his success in adult life, stress resistance, and character. The consequences of not being loved interfere even in everyday life.

Those who are unloved suffer from complexes not only in childhood, but also in adulthood. First of all, a person’s self-esteem suffers. As a rule, unloved children cannot evaluate themselves. They are guided by the words and actions of their parents.

Being disliked can negatively affect children's behavior. To attract the attention of their parents, they misbehave at school. Parents are responsible for children's misdeeds.

Adult men and women are capable of breaking the law, becoming alcoholics or drug addicts with one goal - to get attention from loved ones.

The consequences of being disliked in the life of an adult are always negative.

Lack of love can lead to drug addiction

Manifestation in an adult

Signs of unloved child syndrome in adulthood are obvious:

1. Such a person has difficulties in relationships with others. He doesn't trust anyone and expects tricks from everyone, even from a close friend.
2. A child who is disliked in childhood is always unsure of himself. Such a person will not achieve success in the profession and will perform difficult work for pennies.
3. Men with unloved syndrome connect their lives with a woman who could replace his mother. He demands to himself increased attention and will not survive when all attention is switched to the child.
4. In a similar case, everything happens differently with a woman. She cannot find her man who could pay her much attention. Then she finds a lover who is willing to satisfy her need for love for sexual rewards. Therefore, unloved women are prone to frequent changes sexual partners in search of a man who could love as his parents never loved.

There is a possibility that a person’s dislike will transfer to his child. In the case of a woman, there is another option. She can give all her tenderness and affection to the baby until she finds a suitable man.

Solution

A dysfunctional childhood is not a one-way ticket. We need to fight the current situation. The work takes place on a psychological level. A person should try to understand his parents and accept them as they are. Remember often good moments, try to understand the situation. If necessary, contact a psychologist: not only individual visits will help in solving the problem, but also classes in groups, where you can pour out your soul and, using the example of others, understand the problem.

Often, grown-up, unloved men and women move far from their parents in order to end relationships or reduce contact with them.

Such people need help. Not only the psychotherapist and the unloved baby should participate in this, but also parents who were unable to fully fulfill their functions - this way they can help solve the problem.

It's never too late to correct the situation. Even if in adulthood the child begins to feel parental closeness, after certain time his whole life will change.

By virtue of various circumstances not every baby is born in due date. Some babies are born premature. They need Special attention, gentle care, constant care. Even with a record low body weight, a child can quickly catch up with his peers in development. However premature birth still does not pass without a trace.

There are four degrees of prematurity:

1. First. The baby was born at 37 weeks of pregnancy, is 45 centimeters tall and weighs more than two kilograms.
2. Second. The child was born at 35 weeks, is 40 centimeters tall and weighs less than two kilograms.
3. Third. The baby was born at 31 weeks, measuring up to 35 centimeters and weighing up to one and a half kilograms.
4. Fourth. The baby was born at 28 weeks, his height does not exceed 30 centimeters, and his weight is less than one kilogram.

Sometimes the child appears on time, but his body weight does not reach normal. Such a child is also considered premature. The following features will distinguish him from ordinary children:

1. slower reaction;
2. hypertonicity and hypotonicity;
3. lack of pigmentation in the nipple area;
4. underdevelopment of the genital organs;
5. hypotension;
6. frequent breaths and freezing of breath;
7. perpendicular arrangement of ribs;
8. roundness of the abdomen;
9. location of the navel in the groin area;
10. underdevelopment of nail plates;
11. disproportionate head sizes;
12. softness of the skull bones;
13. insufficient thermoregulation;
14. underdevelopment of the ears;
15. a thin layer of subcutaneous fat;
16. skin wrinkling;
17. quiet voice;
18. pink or red skin tone;
19. presence of hair fluff.

The presence and severity of these signs depends on the specific week of birth of the baby.

Premature babies: reasons

The birth of a baby at the wrong time is caused by many reasons. Firstly, the reason for this is the mother’s illnesses: rheumatism, diabetes, heart disease and some others.

Secondly, premature babies are born to women who were not registered with antenatal clinic; became pregnant earlier than two years have passed since the previous pregnancy; have had abortions in the past; have diseases of the genitourinary system.

Third, premature birth happen due to too early or late age moms, poor nutrition, stressful situations, reluctance to have a child.

Other prepositions can also be distinguished:

• difficult pregnancy;
• heredity;
• non-compliance with the recommendations of the gynecologist;
• bad habits;
• acute mental shocks;
• carrying twins or triplets;
• Availability harmful factors at work;
• negligence of a pregnant woman;
• fertilization with weak or immature sperm.

Every woman has the power to minimize the risk of developing premature baby. To do this, you should refuse bad habits long before desired pregnancy, lead healthy image life, get rid of existing ailments, protect yourself from stressful situations, get more positive emotions, follow the instructions of doctors.

Premature babies: consequences

If the baby's weight is insufficient at birth, he will be able to return to normal by one or two years. Concerning mental development, then it will be equal to the level of peers at two to three years old, and sometimes at five to six years old. It all depends on the degree of prematurity, individual characteristics child, parental care and special procedures.

However early appearance birth causes a number of consequences for a person in the future:

1. instability of a woman’s menstruation, difficult pregnancy, childbirth ahead of schedule;
2. dislocations and subluxations, dysplasia, joint diseases;
3. seizures, cerebral palsy and other disorders in the functioning of the nervous system;
4. reduced immunity, poor health, susceptibility to frequent colds;
5. hearing problems;
6. poor eyesight;
7. diseases of the gastrointestinal tract;
8. speech difficulties;
9. high risk of cardiovascular diseases.

Due to the high probability of occurrence severe consequences premature babies should be under regular medical supervision, pass necessary examinations not only during childhood, but also in adulthood.

Thus, children born prematurely do not necessarily grow up weak and sickly, lagging behind normal babies in psycho-physical development. However, their risk of developing various ailments is much higher than that of others. Therefore, parents should pay more attention to their premature babies, take care of them, perform the exercises recommended by doctors and follow their advice. It is also important to be constantly under medical supervision in order to be able to identify it in time. serious illnesses and start fighting them.

Proper care of premature babies - features and subtleties

Babies who were in a hurry to be born prematurely need special care. This applies not only medical care in the first weeks of life, but also during further stay at home. However, parents should not panic, imagining incredibly complex and specific manipulations. In fact proper care behind premature babies, the features and subtleties of which are described below, all parents will be able to provide for their beloved child.

All attention to the temperature regime!

As soon as the baby and mother get home from the hospital, the first thing you have to take care of is maintaining optimal temperature regime. Due to their low weight and insufficient fat layer, premature babies especially need warmth.

• The temperature in the room where the child will be located is from 22 to 25 degrees.
• Near the baby and under his blanket, parents should constantly maintain the temperature in the aisles from 28 to 32 degrees. Rubber heating pads filled with water at a temperature of 60-65 degrees can help in this difficult task. It is strictly forbidden to use electric heating pads, blankets and other similar products.
• The heating pads are placed on top of the blanket on the sides, at a distance of a palm from the baby, and also at his feet. In this case, such a heat source is pre-wrapped in a diaper. It is prohibited to place heating pads on top of or under the baby, as this can lead to burns and breathing problems.
• Monitor temperature using a thermometer. The regularity of changing water in heating pads is 1.5-2 hours.
• Ventilation of the room in which the child is staying is carried out every 3 hours and lasts at least 20 minutes.

Important! Premature baby You should not remain without heat even for a couple of minutes, as this immediately threatens the body with hypothermia. Parents will need to adhere to such a strict temperature regime for the first month of the baby’s life, after which he will be able to cope with external changes on his own.

How to organize feeding?

The most a big problem that parents will have to face premature baby, is associated with insufficient or complete absence him sucking reflex. It is also typical for such children poor appetite, constant regurgitation, constipation or, on the contrary, diarrhea. All this is due to the immaturity of the gastrointestinal tract.

• Provide the baby breast-feeding. A young mother should think about maintaining lactation while still in the maternity hospital. Nutritious food, lack of stress and good dream women will provide the baby born prematurely with the essentials.
• To prevent the baby from burping after the next meal, it should be done often and in small quantities, reclining. After this, the child should remain in an upright position for 15-20 minutes.
• In case of unstable stool or other problems with digestive system It is strictly not recommended to use tummy massage, gas outlet devices (tubes) and enemas.

Important! If problems with the gastrointestinal tract occur too often, accompanied by alarming symptoms, then you should immediately contact a specialist.

First water procedures - what should they be?

If the baby was born weighing no more than 1800 g, then you will have to give up bathing for 2-3 weeks. Children with greater mass enjoy water procedures already in the first week after arriving from the hospital.

When bathing babies born prematurely, be sure to adhere to the following recommendations:

• Before reaching 3 months, babies should bathe in pre-boiled water, the temperature of which is 38 degrees.
• The room where the procedures will be carried out should be heated to 25 degrees.
• After bathing, you should not immediately transfer the baby to a room with a lower air temperature. Over time, the bathroom door can be left open so that the child can gradually adapt to the new environment.

It is from such hygiene procedures consists of proper care for premature babies, the features and subtleties of which all parents can learn.

Massage – is it possible or not?

Of course, for premature babies, experts have developed special massages and procedures that will help the baby get stronger and master the necessary skills as quickly as possible.

There are some peculiarities in dealing with such babies:

• If a child has muscle hypotonia, then light stroking is suitable for him, which delicately relaxes the muscles.
• After two months of age, such simple manipulations can be varied with light gymnastic exercises. They will help you quickly develop and consolidate motor skills.
• If the baby is already 3-4 months old, then parents can already teach him to turn to his side. The main thing is to do everything carefully and slowly.

Important! The main purpose of massage for premature babies is psycho-emotional contact with parents, during which they receive positive emotions and new skills.

Let's go for a walk - how to make it safe and useful?

As mentioned earlier, temperature changes are contraindicated for premature babies. If you want to go as soon as possible with your dear child to Fresh air, then you will need to comply with the following rules:

• The first walk for babies weighing more than 1500 g will take place no earlier than two weeks of age. And this is only provided that it is summer outside and the air temperature is from 26 degrees.
• Going outdoors should begin with 15 minutes of exposure to the open air. Then, gradually adding 20 minutes at a time, the total time reaches 1.5 hours.
• As soon as the child reaches a weight of 2500 g or 1.5 months, he can be taken for walks without fear in the spring-autumn period, when the temperature outside is at least 10 degrees.
• If the mark on the thermometer drops below 8, then they refuse to go for walks. The exception is babies weighing from 2800 g and older than 2 months.

Under close medical supervision – which specialists should examine the child?

Until the coming school age premature babies are under dispensary observation. For such kids it is mandatory regular visit the following highly specialized specialists:

• Neuropathologist. As a rule, by the age of one year such children almost completely catch up with their peers in development. But, if there are any problems, only a specialist will be able to diagnose them on early stage and prescribe effective therapy.
• Cardiologist. In addition to consulting a specialist, you will need to regularly undergo ECHO-CG procedures, as well as ECG, which allow you to assess the condition of cardio-vascular system child.
• As soon as the baby turns 2 weeks old, he will be prescribed vitamin D and a special massage to avoid the development of rickets.

If at first glance everything seems complicated, then after a week of such a specific regime, parents will not even notice their fatigue. After all, every loving mother understands that proper care for premature babies, the features and subtleties of which are described above, will help the precious child grow up healthy and happy!

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Almost everything psychological problems originate from childhood. The unloved child syndrome provokes problems in communication, self-doubt, the development of an inferiority complex and many other problems. Coldness on the part of parents - main reason which makes a person unhappy.

Lack of parental love in childhood leads to complications in adulthood

Definition of the concept

In adulthood, unloved children themselves become parents who also do not know how to provide their children with the necessary level of support. It turns out to be a vicious circle. The baby begins to feel whether he is loved or not while still in the womb. After birth, the baby becomes stressed by losing physical contact with the mother. This loss can be compensated tactile contact and breastfeeding.

The position of an adult in society depends entirely on how confident the child is in the love of his parents. This statement can be explained very simply. At the age of 5 years, parents are the authority and support. The kid believes everything they tell him. The baby associates mom and dad with the whole world; he sees the world through their eyes. Their attitude towards the child gives or takes away mechanisms of self-preservation. If the mechanism is disrupted, in adulthood the person will be forced to look for a partner similar to one of the parents in order to fill the missing gap.

What does it lead to?

Lack of love affects self-esteem. The child perceives himself only through the prism of his parents’ vision. As they grow older, when children already have the ability to logical thinking, the behavior of parents contributes to the appearance in the brain of statements that sound like this: “if they don’t love me own parents, no one will ever love again." Over time, this stereotype becomes stronger in the subconscious and makes you feel inferior and avoid communicating with children. Not receiving signals from the world that someone needs him, the individual begins to subconsciously strive for death.

An individual, instead of concentrating on the colors of life, tries with all his might to overcome the fears, worries and complexes that have settled in his soul. Such a person spends his whole life trying to prove to the world, including himself, his importance, without believing in it one bit.

Often, having received less affection, children try to attract the attention of adults with unfavorable actions. Naturally, such actions come with punishment, and then regret from the parents, the manifestation of which the child observes in affection. Punishment after affection provokes a feeling of pleasure from negativity in the child’s brain centers, so he develops a certain line of behavior. Sometimes this behavior leads to drug addiction or alcohol addiction, the child is accustomed to being shamed for an unseemly act, and then they will regret it and take care of him, making sure that he does not do it again. In addition to psychological conflicts, physical ones also arise.

In case of shortage tactile touches the child begins to perceive his body negatively. IN adolescence this begins to manifest itself through phobias such as the fear of mirrors and cameras.

Sometimes a child stops completely caring about the state of his body, thinking that everyone is disgusted by it anyway. Disliked teenagers who place high demands on themselves believe that their body is a complete accumulation of flaws, so they urgently need to correct the shape of their nose, eyebrows, and change the color and length of their hair. We can see many such examples among the stars of world show business. Self-doubt and the pursuit of the standard of beauty contribute to the appearance on the stage of more and more stars who look like Barbie and Ken dolls.

How it manifests itself

A disliked child, having matured, will see himself as an inferior person, so the behavior of notorious people is immediately noticeable. Below we will look at 7 signs that indicate in adults children who were disliked in childhood.

1. Lack of trust. Dislike leaves a heavy aftertaste, therefore, becoming an adult, such a person will never trust the people around him, even his other half and children. From childhood, an individual was instilled with the understanding that one can only count on oneself.
2. Moral poverty. The consequences of dislike in an adult manifest themselves in the form of moral poverty. Everything a person is interested in is material values ​​and benefits. It's hard to find people like this mutual language with other people, especially if the topic is not related to work or money transactions.
3. Diffidence. One of the signs of unloved children is low self-esteem. This is a complex of a man or a woman, which can lead to a whole series of nervous disorders. This is an inability to communicate, an incorrect perception of oneself, how full personality. Trying to earn love and attention, as in childhood, and suffering failures, a person withdraws into himself. He develops a fear of not meeting the expectations of others, a syndrome of overprotection. The manifestation may not be demonstrated in any way, but internal torment will always be with the individual, keeping his nerves in constant tension.
4. Relationships with others like you. It is characteristic of the human essence to be drawn to those who are close to it in spirit. A man who was disliked in childhood, just like a woman, will look for a soul mate similar in character to him. Relationships between people are based on partial mutual understanding, but we are not talking about the feeling of love that brings euphoria from a relationship. In such couples, the same unloved children are born, because the parents have no idea about another line of behavior that was not imposed on them from childhood.
5. Unreliability. Such a complex in a man very often characterizes his personality not in the most the best side. He's unreliable, which doesn't make him at all perfect couple for a woman and distances her from people. Such men rarely pay attention to the needs of others, do not fulfill their promises and can leave their other half pregnant, which can also lead to the birth of another unloved child if the mother fails to give the baby on time required amount care.
6. Depression. Women who were unloved in childhood often suffer from serious depressive disorders. Chronic lack of serotonin and dopamine provokes the appearance of this condition. Psychologists will not help correct the situation until a course of replacement therapy is carried out. This manifestation can also occur in men, but much less frequently.
7. Hypersensitivity. Increased sensitivity - characteristic many people with nervous disorders. With age, unloved children begin to position their inner experiences in complete absolute terms. Everything that happens is a nervous shock for them. Live in constant stress leads to the emergence of new mental and somatic disorders.

A disliked person shows distrust of everyone around him

Impact on the situation

In a woman or man, the syndrome of the unloved is not an incurable disease, although it requires psychocorrection. Disliked children of a conscious age must realize the depth mental trauma and take reality for granted. Your happiness is in your hands, try to remember at least one happy moment in life, your feelings and transfer this to your family.

One of the problems is the influence of upbringing and environment. In many religious and social movements, people are blackmailed through family, hinting to a person that he is inferior if he does not have a soul mate and children at a certain age. You should decide in private the purpose of having a child:

• unplanned pregnancy, but it was a pity to have an abortion;
• to continue the family line;
• so that the family is complete;
• because they wanted something more from the relationship;
• to keep your soulmate;
• to recover from an illness (for women);
• realized that they were ready to raise children.

Think about what you want for your child and from him. Try to understand your requirements, what you and he need. Listen to your child. Children's whims, disobedience, aggression - all these may be the first symptoms of lack of attention on your part.

On the other hand, any syndrome and complex are the result misperception yourself and the behavior of others. If all the media now start broadcasting: “Our children are unloved!”, then all the children will fall into a wild panic that no one needs them.

It is important to understand how to explain to a child: what you give him is your care, guardianship and most great love. Not a single psychologist can tell you how to behave correctly with your child. To express feelings, you cannot create a specific algorithm, a schedule for “hugs,” kisses, or heart-to-heart conversations.

Do not forget that overprotection will also not be a plus in later life child, so you should know when to stop everything. Harmony in relationships and mutual understanding are the key to well-being for your child. You should treat him as an equal, and not constantly think that he will not be able to comprehend the information that you are going to convey to him.

Conclusion

Today, the problem of the development of an increasing number of mental disorders among young people is acute. The syndrome of not being loved is considered the cause of most phobic disorders. You need to understand that this syndrome can be quickly corrected. If signs of the disease appear, you should seek help from a specialist.