Stories about a guy's unrequited love. The story of unrequited love from my life

First, let me tell you the story of one unrequited love. Such unrequited love does not happen to all people, moreover, it is unfamiliar to most men and women, so it is very difficult to explain to them why you suffer so much because of this unrequited love. There is a strange feeling - as if you had a Trial that many other people are simply deprived of - either because they have pygmy feelings, or for some other inexplicable reason. But you do not know how to relate to this Trial - either as a reward of fate, or repeating the words from the Garden of Gethsemane: "Lord, let this cup pass from me." At the moment when you tell others about it, you get the feeling that they do not believe you, do not understand or simply do not hear. “Why are you so mad about her? Find yourself another!" As a rule, these “advice” are given by people who themselves simply did not have such life experience, that is, when they fell in love with someone (not just wanted, but fell in love), they fell in love mutually and lived after quite ordinary. Unrequited love, unlike mutual love (which is relatively calm), gives the soul the fullness of trials, gives the soul the full and deep passion of a real storm, up to 9 points, where the amplitude of emotional waves is such that sometimes you don’t know whether to cry or laugh. At this moment, you feel like in a miserable boat, which was torn off the side of the ship with you and which the mad wind drives in a monstrous storm, in an empty night ocean, somewhere under the moon in the southern latitudes of the Atlantic, only gigantic waves then raise in give you a feeling of euphoria, then they lower you down into the very abyss of despair. So it is with the amplitudes of the waves in your soul, sometimes you don’t know if you love it or already hate it? Although in fact, of course, you love her, otherwise you would not have asked such a question and would not have found this article. Whenever such a question is asked - do I love her or hate her, the correct answer is exactly this: "Of course you love."

It so happened that, by the will of fate, later on I was engaged in psychological assistance to people who fell into your situation for a very long time. In total, for all my practice, I professionally, that is, as a psychologist, to this day (05/11/2015) have communicated on this issue, according to my statistics, with more than 2000 men who had the same request: “She does not love me ? What to do?" We communicated, as a rule, by e-mail, that is, in the form of correspondence, because basically people asked for such help and advice from afar, wrote from Russia or other republics of the former USSR, or we communicated personally at psychological consultations or called up the same purpose. There were even more women with whom I talked on the same topic, but since this article is written specifically about male unrequited love for a girl or woman, I will only talk with you in this article about her.

That is, I want you to understand why I have the right to advise you something in your case. It's not just that I myself had the same personal experience of unrequited love, the bitter experience that you are acutely experiencing right now - so many men have had such an experience and this still does not give them any rights to some special, expert opinion. The fact is that subsequently more than 2,000 men communicated with me by mail and by phone just so that I would answer them what they need to do in this particular situation, that is, I analyzed their situations. I dealt with this question 4 years in a row, 4 years in a row I listened to similar stories and answered similar questions (I am answering now). That is, this is a huge psychological baggage for one narrow-profile request. In the post-Soviet space, I personally know only a few psychologists (you can list on the fingers of one hand) who have the same rich experience in professional psychological assistance on this issue. It is this experience that gives me the right not only to feel like an expert on your issue, but to be one in fact.

I look forward to your next question. If you were such a pro and dealt with similar situations so much, then why did you yourself have unrequited love? I answer in order. Firstly, this story happened a very, very long time ago (although this story still stands before my mind's eye, as if it were alive, as if it happened yesterday), this story is very many years old and it happened long before I became a professional psychological counseling. Secondly, I behaved then like the last blockhead, that is, I behaved absolutely psychologically illiterate. Then I didn’t have such experience, nor such knowledge, nor such an understanding of psychology, and in addition, and perhaps this was the most important thing, I was in love like a boy. And it’s not for me to explain to you now, no matter how old you are, that in such a state, when you are so in love, there is a complete tear off of your head and you do it yourself, you don’t know what and you also say you don’t know what. And what a bunch of emotional firewood you can chop when you're in love. And thirdly, it was a romance at a distance, and they (I didn’t know this yet, that is, I understand the phrase “beloved - do not part” now, but then I just thought I understood), that is, novels at a distance, according to According to my own statistics, which I keep, about 90% of cases are doomed to collapse within about a year or two, if the guy does not move to the city to the girl or if the girl does not move to the city to the guy (in total, I analyzed about 200 such cases, "romances at a distance" are very similar development principles, that is, this is not my unfounded opinion, these are my research statistics, an excel file in which I briefly enter the causes, circumstances and consequences of such situations). If then I understood all this, then, of course, I would never have made such ridiculous mistakes and would have done everything for my part so that this love would not go unrequited. It was a bitter experience, I am infinitely grateful to the girl herself for those wonderful feelings that were born in me precisely thanks to her, although now, looking back and peering into the past, I would like to avoid those consequences with all my soul, avoid all those negative experiences and emotional torment that fell to me then. Because such unrequited love always begins with heaven, and then comes hell.

Part one. Paradise.

For a good relationship, two conditions are necessary: ​​1) your self-control in this relationship and 2) reciprocity of feelings. Self-control implies that you remember yourself in these relationships, do not lose your head. Now I have a lot of self-control, but then I had very little of it. But there was no reciprocity, what kind of reciprocity in unhappy love? That is, this girl never once told me that she loved me. And you probably have the same thing. What you live now and what I lived then is the future, the hope that "I can change something in the future." And in fact, this was already enough for happiness - for example, it was already enough for me just to see her eyes and I already had the feeling that I was in paradise. I wanted and expected so much from her! I so wanted to wake up and see her beautiful eyes every morning, kiss her sensual lips, take care of her, know that she is under my protection and say many such stupid things every day about how much I love her. I so wanted to take her in plans to take her to her beloved France, to the Cote d'Azur, so that we would walk there, so that the three of us would walk along the seashore, me, her and the child. I would like to have children from her and that the children were like her in everything - so that I adored them even more. I have seen this image so often, how we are walking together somewhere in the future, either along the shore of the lake, or along the seashore, and above us is a warm summer sunset. That is, Paradise and happiness - it was just to see her, hear her warm voice, look into her beautiful kind eyes, feel such a pleasant smell of her hair. In fact, then even this alone was already enough for me, for happiness with unrequited love, I generally need very, very little, just to see her wonderful eyes, hear her soft voice, see her smile. It was enough to see her for a wave of warmth, love and tenderness to cover her head. And what a large, luxurious chest she had, what a figure, what a wonderful smell her hair had, what a sweet and infinitely beautiful face, and eyes - eyes amazing in their beauty. From all of her, from her whole body, there was such a delicious smell that I involuntarily began an erection only when I just approached her - I wanted to literally undress her on the spot and do so many things with her! Brother, by the way, this is very important - always pay attention to whether you like the smell of a woman - because this is the first sign that your biochemistry matches and she suits you as a partner for a long-term relationship. If this is not there, the marriage will fall apart, the relationship will break up in the future. The smell of a woman should either soothe you or excite you, but just not repel you - if the bodily smell that comes from a woman is somehow unpleasant right away - you are guaranteed to part in the future, this is an axiom. Three things should immediately please her - the smell of her body should be such that you get a member just from this smell nearby, her laughter should be very pleasant and her voice should also be very pleasant, include you. Because if you don’t like these three things (her smell, laughter or voice), then after that they will cause irritation and you will part. As I said, my unrequited love from all these three things gave me goosebumps, that is, it was a hundred percent hit. And appearance, by the way, is not so important, because they do not live with appearance, they live with character. Therefore, immediately see what kind of character she has, what kind of soul she has. Yes, she was so beautiful and beautiful, but in the same way we fall in love with the soul of a person, and her soul was just like that - soft, defenseless and very warm inside. I remembered that she was still shy (not feigned), and it was so touching that it completely disarmed - in short, a complete separation of the head. I wanted to move to her city (that is, actually start a different life), be close to her, take care of her, I wanted and expected so much from her! This is simply uncountable. Who knows, if we lived in the same city with her, everything would have happened, but because of my mistakes, I lost this opportunity. When something was just beginning to emerge with us, it turned out that I left her - in very upset feelings, I was sure that she did not need (her feelings, if she had any, she never told me she showed me, but I’m not a telepath to read thoughts) and out of frustration I began to get acquainted on dating sites, she saw this - apparently it was her test of me - and on my next visit to her she was already emphatically cold with me, although I did not understand what's the matter. In fact, of course, we both behaved like complete fools.

Part two. Hell.

The meaning of the phrase "beloved - do not part" especially well understood by people who have had the experience of a "romance at a distance." Because it is here that misunderstanding, distrust, mutual insults and reproaches are growing and expanding every month. The fact that in a mutual relationship is decided at once or through bed or through negotiations (“let's sit down and talk, we only want good for each other”), in distant relationships and non-reciprocal relationships, it is unimaginably difficult to solve, if at all possible.

When I realized that she had another, that she was absolutely happy with him and loved him, terrible things began to happen to me. That is, at that moment I reached one level of mental pain, but it turned out that there was another level below it, and this torture did not end. No words in the world seemed so cruel to me as her cold and indifferent answers. Each word was like a sharp dagger in the heart - although I never showed it and tried to keep my composure. For the first time in my life, I felt the meaning of the word “cry” to the liver, it turned out that before I simply didn’t know what it really meant, before that I simply didn’t know that it could be so bad, and this terrible emotional pain did not go away and lasted month after month. It was Hell. It was from that period of my life that I learned through suffering that mental anguish and mental anguish are the most terrible. Never again did I feel, as at that time, so miserable - like a puppy thrown out into the street, so weak (her one word could hurt so much that I was shaking all day and something seemed to turn over in my heart, but not with happiness but from bitterness and resentment). I specifically do not want to remember and describe this time here, because I coped with that state of mine and used special techniques to forget this emotional hell and get out of it. I came out of this hell, out of these states, but perhaps it is you right now who are in exactly the same state and do not know what to do and how to be. What to do with this unrequited unrequited love, because you can’t NOT think about this girl and think about her every day. I know your state of mind firsthand, I was already at the very bottom of this emotional hell and got out of there. I can help you get out of this state of yours, because I know how to do it right. As a result, you will receive both complete self-control and a way out of this terrible state.

Unrequited love can come at any age. She does not care about ranks, titles, experience, professions and social statuses. Unrequited love can happen to an 18-year-old guy or a 55-year-old man who has already had two marriages behind him and who now cannot help himself - you love this woman, but unrequitedly. You don't understand what's going on, what you're doing wrong, and it's like slow torture. You can be a very strong person by nature, but not here, because when you reach this zone of your soul, you feel completely defenseless and weak.

All you need to do in order for me to help you get out of this state is to write me an email by simply clicking on the button below and I will definitely answer you. Send me your email, Skype and phone number, we will arrange a time for a conversation and I will conduct a Skype consultation for you, in which I will answer all your questions about what to do with your unrequited love.

Another sad women's story out of a thousand other stories. “It happens so strange ... You live as if not your own life. You ask the question into the void: why did this happen to me? This meeting at work - it would be better if it did not exist at all!

2003 We were looking for a pre-press specialist for our design department. He came for an interview. They just stood there and looked at each other like fools. And time seemed to stop... a moment of recognition, then a slight awkwardness...

And then there was the music that he revealed to me. Gave - like the whole world. This is the music of our last "minstrels". Maybe someone heard - a group of Melnitsa, Tam, Yovin, Rats and Shmendra and of course Skadi, Oleg Medvedev.

He was married then for 1 year, I did not find the courage to recapture him from his wife, although I probably could. For a long time I could not understand why I was going to work on wings, why the November sky does not seem gloomy and bleak. As it came to a duck on the fifth day, it was just that HE was at work. That's all.

8 hours of life next to him. He sang to us occasionally, played the guitar ... not often. His smile, humor, his smell, his eyes!!! Then it was still somehow possible to live. And even enjoy life.

And then it happened that I was fired, you know, this happens sometimes. Then only at that moment I realized - but how to live further away from him?

And life was unbearable! He never gave me a reason to think that there could be something between us. Love is not chosen, it is impossible to force yourself to love or not to love. I can only say - if you recognize these eyes, the eyes of your only man in a crowd of thousands of eyes - fight for him!!!

Spit on conventions, spit on shyness and timidity!!!

It's 2011 now. Behind shoulders the second unsuccessful marriage.

Recently, he wrote to me on ICQ hello ... hello ... how are you, how are you? He has two children, the same wife ... but I see with my heart that he, like me, is losing his life, losing something very important.

He sent me a song, which apparently secretly from his wife recorded on the microphone. Through the speaker I listen to his voice, he seems to be in the same room with me, he seems to sing for me. This song is sad, a song about loneliness. Her last words: "Ahead of the ocean, just spread your arms, into the uncontrollable fog, into the inescapable blue."

We never confessed our feelings to each other, probably, it even sounds silly. I don't know how to glue my life back together, my heart is doing somersaults inside. Almost 10 years have passed. I thought that I would meet another, I would forget and everything would even out.

Others dated, loved me and suffered from unrequited love...

Too bad you can't erase your own memory like a hard drive. Become a "blank sheet of paper" and draw another person on this sheet, and love him.

I squeeze my fingers, my nails dig into my palms ... because I have to live on. You have kids and you have to be strong.

You have to be strong!!!"

Who is interested in my writings, you are welcome))

There was such a beautiful but sad story in my life ..

When I just got a job in our editorial office and looked closely at the new team, our proofreader immediately attracted my attention. The man is much older than me (I have never had such). He was already over 40 at that time, I was only 23 years old. Only after the divorce I am free, beautiful and talented. But he was, by God, some kind of misogynist. He treated women with sarcasm, I reveled in his sense of humor, so he could put some next upstart in his place. He was short, thin, with well-marked bald patches on the sides, green-eyed brunette. But I really liked him. It is for his character, his pitch. He was extraordinary, always had his own opinion on everything and never sucked up to the authorities, which aroused admiration in me. He did not favor me as well as social women, he was mockingly indifferent, joking my mistakes in the materials that he checked. Maybe that's why I liked him so much. I'm used to the attention of men, and then stupidly ignore.

Later I met my daughter's father, we had a very stormy romance, I flew to work like on wings. It was then that I began to notice the first notes of interest in my direction from the corrector. But I was not up to him, I was in love and happy.

Many here know how our story with our daughter's bio-dad ended. I remember how the entire editorial staff escorted me to my ex-wedding)) WE submitted an application and had to sign in the registry office. The editor gave me a paid free day for this. But my ex-husband that day decided that we still shouldn’t be together, and finally I returned all in tears. I was reassured by the entire editorial office and throughout the pregnancy they cherished, cherished and supported me in every possible way.

This is where our story with the proofreader began. Our offices were very close, it was behind my wall. I began to visit him often, he invited me to drink tea and discuss the news of the editorial office. Then he gave me an interesting job - to edit a collection of poets and writers, I was always good with style. We chatted for hours. He was insanely interested in me and I was very flattered by his attention, because as soon as I was one of the entire women's team of the editorial staff, I was honored with it.

E.Yu. (these are his initials) has never been married. He said that he was in love with unrequited love in his youth and no longer tormented himself with these worthless things in love. I perceived him as an experienced insanely interesting man, but there is simply no such thing as a man. I do not know why. No, that's all. He began to furtively carry strawberries to my office. In winter. It was nice. At lunchtime, we walked along the Neva, chatting for hours. And I still didn't understand like a fool. I thought it was just support in my situation. The editors were shocked when they found out that our bio dad had abandoned us. They always appreciated me and they never could have thought that I would be left alone in such an interesting position.

I felt very comfortable and at ease with him. He cared so much for me, helped me a lot to get rid of thoughts of my loneliness. But then one day all this comfort was taken away as if by hand. A letter came to my house. So funny, I haven't received a letter in the mail in years. He wrote this. A very touching, tender letter. He wrote in the style of Pushkin Lermontov to his beloved. He wrote that he sees me as his bride, that my daughter will become his daughter, that he will never know that he is not her father. He asked me to marry him.

I was shocked! I may have felt his interest in me, but I certainly did not think that everything would go so far. I thought for a long time what to answer ... and wrote everything as it is. That he is a friend to me, a teacher, an insanely interesting and talented person, but not a beloved man. I can't make him happy.

God, how he grieved. Came to work, no face on it. Black circles under the eyes… Didn't talk to me for a week. Then the first one came up.

In short, this rigmarole lasted a long time. We once went on one trip, where I once again tried to tell him that nothing would work out for us. He hugged me then, and I already felt sick. I still don't know what it was. Maybe then I was all in my daughter, or maybe I hadn’t completely let go of her father from the heart and kept hoping that he would return.

E.Yu. wrote and published his collections and in the Len region was a well-known poet. Later, I received his book in the mail, in which there was a poem dedicated to me. With my name and initials. So he immortalized his love. A very beautiful and very sad poem.

Just before the birth, when I was already on maternity leave with a pretty decent belly, he came and began to ask my parents for my hand, who were a little older than him. My dad was categorically against it, my mother did not take him seriously. I was ashamed. For him, for myself. I understood that I would never be able to be with him in my life, let alone share the same bed.

So he went to me until the very birth, stood under the windows on cold winter nights with flowers in his hands, threw stones, sang livers, an adult non-drinking uncle!

His last attempt was when my daughter was 2 months old, but nothing has changed in me in relation to him. He wrote me the last letter and disappeared. Later I found out that he quit. Now I don't know where he is, what happened to him. But no one has ever loved me so touchingly and tenderly in my life. Sometimes I think that if I had tried to be with him then, what if we could be truly happy ... He called me his angel, I think that he would never have been able to offend me or a child in his life. Although my mother says that poets are still romantics. That he would have run away from the life and health problems of his daughter. I don't know... But in my memory you will leave the warmest and most tender memories of this man.

I want to tell another story that began 1.5 years ago!!! Be patient, it's a very long story! A new guy came to our school to study, in 10 B. 10 B was a very famous class then, in this class there were all the guys as a selection, everyone was very beautiful !!! I was then 14. For half a year I did not notice him. Well, new and what's wrong with that?! In the meantime, there was a lot of gossip around him, so whether you like it or not, everything would have known about him sooner or later! It turned out that his name was Sergey. Then I found him in contact and added him as a friend. After I added him as a friend, several months passed, we never corresponded with him. May has come ... at the end of May I received a message from him, quite ordinary, he just asked how things were going, and our correspondence was over !!! The whole summer he did not get in touch, because he went to rest. Then the holidays ended, and everyone who had a rest returned to school. Soon he had a birthday, I naturally congratulated him in contact. After that, we began a long correspondence with him, we can say that it all began with this. After a month of our communication, I invited him to meet, he agreed. He said he would come with a friend. I decided that I could take a friend with me. It took me literally 30 minutes to be disappointed in him. No matter what we talked about, he always answered something indefinite: mg, yeah, I don’t know. My girlfriend didn't like it either. After our meeting, we stopped talking. In fact, he stopped! I texted him, but he didn't answer. A month later, his best friend, who was then present at our meeting, sent me a message, I don’t remember exactly what was written there, but the content was approximately like this: “Sergey doesn’t want to communicate with you anymore, you are not his type! "I was surprised why Sergei himself did not tell me this ?! I am one of those girls who only needs to hear once “I don’t like you, and I will understand, even if I love this person very much, let it hurt me, let me suffer, but I won’t impose! I got depressed!!! And I didn’t think of anything better to show him that it’s not a problem for me to find a guy, I started corresponding with one guy who I used to like, his name was Anton. After that, we met with him, one walk was enough for me to fall in love with him! Now I regret both! I used it only for the sake of equaling Sergey in status! I decided to limit myself to one meeting, I decided not to tell him the truth, I just quarreled with him over a trifle, threw him out of my friends, but he continued to write to me, because he didn’t really understand what happened. And I didn’t want to explain anything to him, so I decided to just blacklist him. So I said goodbye to Anton. I want to remind you that the main character of this story was and remains Sergey. After some time, Sergey wrote to me and offered to be friends. I agreed, but of course I wanted more, but I usually follow my own rules. At that moment, I realized that I was finally and irrevocably in love with Sergey. And time does not stand still ... December came, Sergey and I began to communicate more and more often. He told me about his problems, I helped him cope with them. He told what kind of girls he liked, and asked how to start a conversation in order to invite the girl to meet him. In the end, he did as I advised and they agreed. You can blame me for this, but I loved him very much, so I wished him happiness, not with me like that on the other. But after he walked and walked with the girl, he stopped liking them. He started coming to my class. Then he said that he no longer wants to look for a girl, because he found me! And he said that he likes me, and then he just chickened out. I was in 7th heaven with happiness! He asked me to be his girlfriend! All was good!!! But happiness did not last long ... he went to his relatives for the New Year, and he liked some kind of girl there, then, as it turned out, not one. In general, he turned out to be a womanizer! We didn't talk to him for a long time! Valentine's Day came, I decided to give him a Valentine, not as a loved one, but simply as a friend, and so that he would understand this, I decided to give not only a Valentine to him, but also to his friend. Sergei really liked it, he did not expect from me! Then the correspondence began again, he wrote to me several times a day, I said “why do we correspond so often?” he replied "I can't live without you". These words are all limited. Then I realized that these are just words!: “I LOVE, I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU, BE MY GIRL” then I stopped believing him. I asked my classmate to explain to him that he can’t do anything with me anymore, that I’m no longer blinded by his love, and I won’t let him treat me like a toy anymore! I thought that the relationship we will remain but only friendly! In general, she explained everything to him, but he not only stopped writing to me, but also stopped responding to my messages. So it looks like my classmate overdid it. And I thought, well, okay, so it should have happened. Summer came again ... he began to write some strange and stupid messages to me again ... I answered him, but not with such enthusiasm as before ... I had a personal life, but I can’t meet anyone because I’m still very, love it very much! !!

Many are familiar with the feeling that combines hope, daydreaming, annoyance, admiration, delight from meetings and dissatisfaction with oneself. And when your love is rejected, strong pain is added to this mix of feelings.

They dated throughout the year. He was young, cheerful and quite charming. He worked at a company as an accountant, drove a black BMW, took life lightly, without thinking about anything. At first, this alarmed the girl, but all the same she was happy with him, impatiently waiting for his phone calls, at his first call she ran to him. However, the happiness was short-lived, their mutual friend, who actually introduced them, said that before they met, he lived with the same girl for about three years, then they broke up and tried to arrange their lives separately from each other, but nothing came of them. And so they started dating again.

This news shocked the main character, for some time it seemed to her that she had a rope around her neck, and she herself was standing on a chair, and someone wants to knock this chair out from under her feet. Life seemed to stop at that moment. Trying to control herself, she told her friend that she didn't care.

On that ill-fated day, he never called, and she did not want to do anything. But still, the next day, she decided to dot the “I” and called him. Hearing his voice, she became frightened, her heart sank, she sat down on the bench and asked the question that interested her.

It turned out that he did not love her at all, and this was one of the unsuccessful attempts to forget the other. There were no more questions, and there was nothing to find out.

A month has passed since the breakup, and she was sitting at her workplace in a small shop and thinking about her unrequited love. The girl blamed only herself for having come up with something that didn’t really exist, painted pictures of their future life together. Suddenly someone's voice asked: "Girl, what is your name?"

Looking up, she saw big green eyes, dark hair, and a smiling, tanned guy looking at her shyly from behind the counter. A conversation started, this guy was working in Cyprus, but at that moment he was on vacation. He offered to take a walk together, the girl agreed, without hesitation, the holiday romance, in her opinion, could distract her a little from her sad thoughts.

Two weeks flew by quickly and imperceptibly, and he soon left back. But after two or three months he returned forever to stay with the main character.

A year later they got married. Everything that happened before meeting her beloved husband was long forgotten, and she didn’t want to remember.

Once she thought that she fell in love for life, but only now she realized that it was nothing more than a passionate love.

Such stories happen often. Someone betrays, it seems that life loses its meaning, but in fact it is just a small obstacle on the way to great happiness.