New statuses female sarcasm vk. Phrases for armament: quotes with sarcasm
Do you want coffee with cognac?
-No.
- without cognac?
- without coffee. (c)
I don't wear pink glasses- they do not see the bottomless blue sky
On the bus: - Girl, are you getting off? - Getting married! Girl, are you leaving? - Go crazy! - Can you get out? - They come out when they are born! A man, kicking her out of the bus: - Happy birthday !! (c)
It is not enough to have wit, one must also be able to avoid its consequences. Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
I love you.
- What?!
O_O - I'm sorry. It should have been - hello, how are you, what are you doing. But I'm not sickly. (C)
It's a pity. - What's the pity? - It is a pity that they did not succeed ... - In my opinion, they succeeded. It just ended. (c)
Always tell a woman that she is different if you want to get from her the same as from others. (c) Wyndham Lewis
When you wait for a prince on a white horse, then, as a rule, only a horse comes. And the prince at this time is grazing with some horse. (C)
Men's logic: - So what, what's in an earflap, quilted jacket and felt boots. But it's warm! Women's logic: - Just think - I froze my brains and ass. But it's beautiful. (c) Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
There are two types of people: some are rolling the world, while others are running alongside and shouting: “God, where is this world rolling!? ".
A cactus is a cucumber deeply disappointed in life. (c)
A real optimist is one who thinks that the Leaning Tower of Pisa was originally lying. (C)
He is so silent that you want to undress ... Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
War between the left and right hemisphere of the brain. Place your bets gentlemen.
I'm often wrong, sorry, perfect people!
We may forget what we said, but we will never forget how we felt when we were together...
I'd rather fake an orgasm with someone else than fake love with you.
Say hello to your new girl... How's the new one? Bat, painted, used..© Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
My only serious shortcoming is my lack of confidence in tomorrow anyone who tries to upset me today.
Darling, you were afraid to hurt me with your departure ... but I was worried that you would not catch the Japanese chandelier with your horns
and you are even nothing ... with good lighting, fair wind and a couple of ecstasy Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
There is a girl in my group who everyone calls a crocodile, but not because she is scary, but because she dragged an antelope into the river and ate it.
The more I get to know people, the more I am Hitler. Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
Men are all so windy .... so not constant ... today one kisses ... tomorrow another!
Honey, I have small ears, so many noodles do not fit on them! Hang on your horns
you cry that it’s hard without love. believe me, when I don’t have milk at home, it’s even worse for me.
They say that neutered cats live longer than normal males... Boys, I really want you to live long!
he held me by the waist…and I was an idiot Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
I was asked to marry.
- Wow! And who?
- Parents.
here I sit and think ...: I still have a drink .. or I already like you (s) - Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
Did you drink baby?
-No mom, I'm an ax!
Of course people don't like it when
you are not like them. They will be long
ridicule, condemn, humiliate you, but
it all comes from envy. They are not
maybe like you, they lack the spirit.
It's easier to call someone a psycho than
admit that you're scared to excel
from the crowd. - Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
Let's talk beauty?
-I don't like myself.
want to hear a bedtime story? send an SMS with the text: "I know everything!" to your boyfriend's number!
On our Zemlemer website you will find many statuses, quotes, thoughts. There are congratulations on the holidays and much more.
There is a guy - there are problems, no guy - there is only one problem - no guy
Can you feel it? Something big crawls in your mouth. This is my sarcasm. - Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
Knitting socks, waiting for a spouse from a corporate party, periodically warming up dinner, is a tedious task. Isn't it better, isn't it more interesting to call a friend and ask if she fed your husband or not.
You will relax here when your personal curse is next to you.
I demand to enter such a smiley in the queue, where he holds a sign with the inscription "Sarcasm".
You are a complete fool!
- No, dear, slim. - Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
Life experience is a mass of valuable knowledge about how not to behave in situations that will never happen again.
Season of sophisticated torture is in full swing! And a new adventure promises to turn into a dramatic stretching of the sphincter, mental *** and a sad smile...
Photographer genius!
- ABOUT! I'm genius!
- It was sarcasm…
Do you have any flair?
- Oh, I have a lot of raisins. I'm practically a cupcake! - Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
You are an angel?
- Fuck no, I'm a big talking pigeon...
I am kind, but no one knows about it, and those who know will not tell anyone ...
Do you mind if I smoke?
- You know, I don't care even if you shoot yourself.
Why should I pick up the phone? Sitting. Resting. Calls once. It means alive. - Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
My phone says it can't find service and facebook is not working. Did I die on my ride home and not notice?
Are you scratching the sky with horns?
Well, you are standing next to her ... well, you are hugging ... well, you are kissing .... so what?? I am absolutely calm…. and where did you get the idea that I deliberately threw a bottle at you ?!
A miniskirt is the maximum information at a minimum cost. - Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
Makeup is an attempt to paint on your face the face of another, much more beautiful woman.
Ugh! girl, you're drunk, disgustingly drunk!
- and your legs are crooked, disgustingly crooked! I'll be sober tomorrow!
All these fools call their nonsense sarcasm.
We realized that our son was a drug addict when drugs began to disappear from the house. - Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
The world has at least three men who love me very much and will always support me: Jack Daniels, John Jameson and Johnnie Walker
I think she was feigning sarcasm.
Grisha, what is a bummer?
- Bummer, it's when you go for a beautiful
girl, you want to meet, and she gets on the bus and leaves.
- Katya, what do you think is a bummer?
- This is when Grisha is following you, but there is still no bus. - Statuses and phrases with sarcasm. Sarcasm.
With a behavior like hers, soon all the prostitutes in the area will be out of work!
Hey bro, wanna come over?
- Aight bro, let me just cross the bridge to Terabithia, take the shortcut through Narnia, take the detour around District 12, and stop by Hogwarts to get groceries.
The number of drunken ***s shouting "Tagiiel" exceeds the population of Tagil by several times.
Sarcasm is a body's natural defense against stupid.
Be sure to keep your baby photos. Suddenly, someday you will have to prove that you have become a shit, and were not born.
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I'm smarter than an elephant - I don't even drink water from a puddle with my nose.
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Well, what if the wind in my head - but thoughts are always fresh.
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I am against the assertion that only idiots hang out on the Internet ... there are a lot of interesting, smart, talented, beautiful soul people... I, for example... And a slight geekiness... it's even piquant.
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You can go from yourself to yourself all your life ... Or you can at some point get such a kick from life that you will quickly find your place in it ... and yourself at the same time ...
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I didn't pass the face control at the zoo!
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When ME… is visited by INSPIRATION… other visitors… are not allowed into the ROOM… any more…
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Today I ... put on makeup in the morning ... And looking in the mirror, I screamed: Oh, you are a terrible force ... BEAUTY !!! And rather TERRIBLE than ... POWER
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- How old are you?
- Oh, I'm old! I still lived in a time when "bitch" was an insult, not a compliment.
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No constancy ... either I'm hysterical ... or in the clouds ... Airborne ...
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All ladies are like ladies, and I am like a horse in a blanket.
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The doctor told me not to be nervous... Absolutely, that is. At all. Under no circumstances. Now it's the third day and I'm not nervous... I'm not nervous with all my might. It's just fucking annoying already, no matter how nervous I am.
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I am not lying!!! I'm just fantasizing...
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I look in the mirror… it’s like nothing… beautiful… I come closer, I look closely… oh-my… GODDESS
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And again the lesson is not for the future,
The same rake - in the same forehead,
In the same place in a puddle - bang!
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HOW WELL it is alone in the apartment ... smearing mascara in the morning, eating mushrooms from a jar with your hands and not keeping your back straight ...
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My cheerful disposition and unbridled optimism often resemble complete idiocy ...
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I recently read in a scientific journal that perfect appearance not photogenic. OH I LOOKE I AM TOO PERFECT.
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Off to do good...
I really hope no one gets hurt...
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Before I do anything, I ask myself: “What would my cat do in my place?” As a result, I either eat or go to sleep...
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I can easily and naturally roll balls to any beauty ... in a bowling alley!
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Everything is fine with me ... I just sometimes doubt ... No, not that it’s good ... That I have ...
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They gave me a car ... Now I am not just a participant in the traffic jam, I am its organizer ...
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Do not offer friendship! Only married! Briefly about myself: Magical for the whole head!
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Phrase: “Yes, get off your phone already!” I hear more than my own name.
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I am very good cook... I can hang noodles ... Brew porridge ... Add oil ... In general, a clever wizard ...
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Something cockroaches in my head Lately behave defiantly ... In order to suppress their uprising, they had to hire a squirrel. So far it's quiet, but ... it seems that the squirrel is up to something with cockroaches.
I got you! Now imagine what it's like for me. Alone with myself. 24 hours. 7 days a week. And you're not going anywhere
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I still - even where, I only dream of peace!
And quite satisfied with this life!
And let someone be born under a lucky star
Well, I was born... under a comet!...
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I am often asked if I can seriously and frankly post my thoughts and feelings in statuses. I answer seriously and honestly: “I perform a striptease of the soul very rarely!”
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Yes, people do not sit in prison as much as I do on the Internet!
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I'm not quite the lovely romantic jerk I pretend to be. A boring, prudent bastard.
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I do two things all the time: lie and sleep with Angelina Jolie...
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My husband... finds me... in shopping malls... according to SMS reports of a bank card ...
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Do you think my childhood plays in the fifth point? No, you are mistaken, there kindergarten settled.
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I admit my mistakes ... brilliant ...
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If it were not for the wheel on the mouse, then I would have no physical activity did not have …
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It’s already evening… And I didn’t want to do so much yet…
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Such a drop as I... can overflow... the cup of any patience
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I realized that my wife drives a car better than me! I can’t move on the handbrake, but she drove all day ...
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Treat me with HUMOR, I won’t say anything sensible anyway ...
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How quickly life flies! More and more “never” appears ... I will never jump with a parachute, I will never get rich, I will never put on that frivolous dress ... One consolation: I still have time to do a lot of stupid things!
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I will only answer questions in the presence of my personal psychiatrist!
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They say Russian rock is loved by drunkards and thinkers. It's embarrassing to admit, but I don't drink...
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I'm going to work today. At the barbershop: "Haircut 300 rubles, details at the administrator." At the car dealership: "3% discount for everyone, see the manager for details." Well, in the morning I put a sign on the table: “I'm angry! Husband has details!
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Evil is me at 6 o'clock in the morning
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I hope that in the New Year I will stop feeling like a workhorse, and become a little pony that everyone looks after ...
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Sometimes these come to mind smart thoughts you feel like a complete idiot.
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The ability to shut up in time is a great and invaluable talent, unfortunately, I do not possess it.
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Today I met a man with the same character as mine... It's hard to admit it, but YES... I wanted to strangle this infection in 10 minutes already.
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There are people who don’t know me at all.… THEY ARE BAD WITHOUT ME… PROBABLY…
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Three important rules:
don't go to the store hungry
on a date - excited
and don't update your drunk status...
Sarcasm is a real art. Its pretty hard to describe in simple terms, but it is quite possible to express in some phrases. Selected statuses with sarcasm are offered to your attention.
Don't let others judge you - do it yourself
- If you notice that you are being lied to, politely ask the person to be more artistic.
- For a long time you can not find reciprocity in a relationship with a girl? Go outside and feed a stray dog. That's where you reciprocity!
- I prefer to pick up the phone not always. And I get terribly furious if I find out that someone else is doing this.
- If you are offended by your soulmate, then either lie down together to wake up in the morning in an embrace, or sit and develop a revenge plan.
- What, darling, was distracted by another? Don't get distracted by me now!
- It turns out that people with poor eyesight cannot believe in miracles. They can't see love at first sight.
- I thank the grandmothers at the entrance for spreading surprisingly loyal rumors.
- Everyone has a person who completely ruined his life. And each person has their own.
Language leads to sarcasm
Sarcasm statuses are designed if you want to explain everything quickly, and at the same time - a large number of people. The following phrases will allow you to make the most subtle, and at the same time - the most appropriate hints.
- Do not be too offended by the mat. Maybe it's in my principles...
- Once you've done something stupid, remember that someone once took out a loan to pay for a wedding.
- Don't be afraid of "under the bed" monsters. Give them the bag of crisps you eat while watching the show and they won't eat you.
- Why should a man worry about appearance if he has already put on whole clean socks ...
- Don't take offense at my sarcasm. This is how I protect myself from your stupidity.
- Appropriate jokes were invented to protect someone from suffering, and someone even from suicide.
- Do you know why guys make girls laugh so often? Because a laughing woman usually doesn't think much!
- I have no strength so much that I don’t even want to raise my mood from the floor.
How much hatred sometimes happens in the phrase "Everything is fine"
A good phrase can replace not only status, but even a full-fledged psychologist. Enjoy short statuses with sarcasm!
- The person must be the only one, not the best.
- Knowing the price is not the same as appreciating.
- Don't look at your enemies, look further.
- Meet, meet. Break up anyway.
- Not knowing your worth is sometimes bad.
- Serials are a drug of a new generation.
- Finding tar is more difficult than finding honey. But we succeed.
- In life, avoid idiots and extra calories.
- The truth won't make you friends.
- Most often, a blow to a rake occurs imperceptibly.
- Between lovers there is always insincere hatred.
- Come to terms with the fact that everyone is discussing each other.
- You can try the depth with only one foot.
- In order not to promise, you also need to have power.
- The more friends a person has, the better he lies.
- The secret is for two. The third will destroy it.
If you have a disgusting character, you leave no one indifferent
Funny statuses with sarcasm are definitely not for the faint of heart. We warn you that not all of your friends on social networks may like them.
- As soon as they start to ignore me, I involuntarily catch myself thinking that they just enjoy me.
- To all my enemies I wish long life to their annoying relatives!
- Conscience often contradicts logic. I develop the second, and basically ignore the first.
- It’s not baggy clothes that make you fat, but a “porky” portion.
- All babies are born a little weird. Most adults are like that.
- You shouldn't lie to your parents. But there are parents who can kill for a certain kind of truth.
- I don't mean to be intrusive, but I'd be glad to never see you again.
- Unloved colleague did not come to work, fell ill. Let him recover as soon as possible, whom to water with mud ...
There is nothing more annoying than love at first sight
Almost everyone has an ex with whom, to put it mildly, it did not work out well to part. In order to speak on the topic correctly, there are statuses about love with sarcasm.
- When looking at a loved one, the pupils dilate slightly. When looking at a loved one - especially.
- Jealousy is bad. For the hair of that migra who dared to look at him.
- Yes, I loved her. But that doesn't mean that I didn't love anyone but her.
- Before you build relationships brick by brick, take care of the protection of building materials.
- Love is something that is not worth looking for. All its charm is in surprise.
- “I love you”: so few words, but how many different problems ...
- Most strong relationships- in those where respect prevails. Love can ruin a lot of things.
- Somewhere there is always a soul mate, but if you are created to be stupid, you will lose it as soon as you meet it.
- I'm ready for anything for her. No, not this, and certainly not this. Come on, and one lives well ...
Statuses with sarcasm - a great opportunity show a sense of humor. Therefore, rather, set your favorite phrase.
And I look and understand that the guy with brains is much more interesting guy with a relief press and muscle-tubercles.
This true love to humanity without sarcasm does not happen.
It is noticed that loved by many popular expression“Fuck you, fuck you” doesn’t hit so hard and painfully on nervous system, as a wish for good luck thrown with sarcasm.
Would you like to purchase a personal plot, land, with dimensions of two and three meters deep?
Best Status:
“Your sarcasm won’t help you, great pregnant creature!”
If at least one person is found who can understand all the intricacies of my sensitive soul and understand whether I am truthful or riddled with untruth, and whether I have sarcasm, I will gladly meet him, honestly ... I do not lie, lies are useless.
Say hi to your new baby for me... Where from, new baby? But how! Beaten, painted and with mileage ...
I have only one serious shortcoming, but what! Sheer uncertainty about whether a person will live to see tomorrow, if he suddenly dares to upset me today.
Do you have a memory like a gopher - 1 MB?!
We may forget what we said, but we will never forget how we felt when we were together...
At your request, give 3000 rubles. to a beauty salon, the husband, looking at you, sighs and gives 10,000.
Male logic: - So what, what's in earflaps, quilted jackets and felt boots. But it's warm! Women's logic: - Just think - I froze my brains and ass. But it's beautiful.
You don't blow, girlfriend, lips ... you're already bad-mouthed. That your boyfriend loves me, I'm not guilty
It is not necessary to demonstrate a variant of deficient development
No matter what you think, I'm already halfway to pity sex.
I'm often wrong, sorry, perfect people!
I congratulate you on the prize! No one has ever fallen so low in my eyes.
Have you ever thought of another head?
You remind me of the ocean... You just make me sick.
Are you laughing like that or are there horses nearby?
What's on my mind, you won't grow to that size!
What are yours long legs… Especially the left one.
From the point of view of logical interpretation, I cannot ignore the tendencies of paradoxical illusions, but I can say: “Fuck you!”
Leave the surplus of your inner culture for a narrow family circle!
Is your whole body hairy or just your nostrils?
Yesterday police found a corpse with no brains and a small penis. P.S. Honey, call me back, I'm worried!
Madam, where can I get so much vodka?!
Is my butt wider than my shoulders? And your tongue is longer than a pussy!
And on your mighty chest ... three hairs seemed like a bunch
You smell so good!!! What did you drink today?
Today I have the feeling that everyone around has conspired and is playing the game “Who will make me feel stronger today” with me ... I’m already most interested in who will win?
If someone has sunk their teeth into your happiness ... then these teeth are clearly superfluous ..
Beloved, mine, the only one, I searched and found! Another would not have come close to you. WITH slanting eyes Sagging lip With what shackles Fate bound us? Lame, oblique, hunchbacked Potato red nose Snotty, freckled And no hair at all Yes, fat too much Yes, the mouth is skewed. But no cholera will take you away!
Anyone who “knows how it will be better for me”, I write down in a notebook and in the list “to kill at the beginning of the war”
You were beautiful in bed. The body shapes are quite rich, the legs are slender, like those of a GAZELLE, and just as hairy.
So you played Shrek in the movie?
You need to move your brains, kitty, not your buttocks ...
Some people clearly do not have enough material to build something out of themselves
When some people open their mouths, it immediately becomes clear how important it is for a person to get at least some kind of education.
Always tell a woman that she is not like the others if you want to get the same from her as from others.
There are two types of people: some are rolling the world, while others are running alongside and shouting: “God, where is this world rolling!? ".
I don't know about you, but mine nerve cells not only restored, but also trying to take revenge on those who destroyed them.
How many of you were so smart in my life! God rest them!
War between the left and right hemisphere of the brain. Place your bets gentlemen.
Don't make a smart face, you're an officer!
Habit? Nooo, you have a habit of swearing, and the fucking brain is a calling!
Don't like my driving style? Get off the sidewalk!
I'd rather fake an orgasm with someone else than fake love with you.
With such a character, it could be prettier!
They don’t argue about tastes, they don’t argue at all ... especially with tasteless assholes ...
I laugh in your face, or whatever...
Sarcasm is the last trick of people who are bashful and chaste at heart, who are rudely and obsessively climb into the soul.
You have small eyes, crooked small teeth, a big mouth. You could be called ugly, if not for a smile - it makes you simply disgusting.
What a pity that you are finally leaving!
Stupidity is not the absence of mind, it is such a mind.
You, girl, with such legs you need to walk on your hands!
Face your principles... you don't change them.
When you wait for a prince on a white horse, then, as a rule, only a horse comes. And the prince at this time is grazing with some horse.
Has anyone told you that you are very beautiful? No? Damn, everyone is so honest!
Darling, you were afraid to hurt me with your departure ... but I was worried that you would not catch the Japanese chandelier with your horns
And what is it that you have left so tasty in your beard?
He is so silent that he wants to undress ...
A cactus is a cucumber deeply disappointed in life.
Your beauty can only be compared with the mind of your girlfriend!
Girl, what are you beautiful hair! I would even say rare! Very sparse hair.
Well, dolls, it's time to turn into butterflies!
I left the brothel for you!
Every girl should have a cretin who will teach her something. This is fine…
You are beautiful, no doubt. But I won't give you money!
I don’t need to demonstrate my intellect here, I actually saw it ..
Keep quiet, okay? ... - you pass for a smart one!
I bet you were conceived on a bet!
Given your lack of education, I'm ready to answer any of your questions.
Yes, I am faithful to you. And very often ...
Bullshit, it's not worth it! But how it SHAKES!
Madam, don't smile, it's scary
Humans are 80% liquid. So you have this brake fluid!
I always think well of people. About these evil, brainless fuckers.
A true optimist is one who thinks that the Leaning Tower of Pisa was originally lying.
Envy corrupts people! Although, you, toad, can't be spoiled by anything! envy
I know that you are afraid to disappoint me, but I want to reassure you, because my expectations for you are already low!
Yes, there is nowhere to even send you - you have already been everywhere ..
- Dropped you, apparently, a stork on the way ....
Like you, fate does not allow you to rise above the width
All ladies are like ladies, and you are like a horse in a blanket.
Why about you, let's talk about pleasant things!
Nice lipstick on your shirt.
Go go! You still have to earn a cake in the face!
I would send you, but I see you are from there.
Dude, your ego is writing checks that your body can't pay off!
You are playing with forces that are beyond your understanding.
Bitch, be yourself.
If not for you, I would consider myself a freak.
It's a pity. - What a pity? - It is a pity that they did not succeed ... - In my opinion, they succeeded. It just ended.(
