I want to be friends, but I'm not interested in people. I don't want to be friends, or Be my boyfriend! If you don't want to be friends
Children need communication, this contributes to their development and formation, otherwise they will not learn to feel comfortable in their inner world. If the answer is no, it can cause different reactions, ranging from longing to resentment towards everyone around. It is difficult for a small child to independently understand the problem and even more so to solve it if there is no support from adults.
However, this question is also relevant for mature people. It is rarely asked out loud, but the lack of friends indirectly lowers a person's rating. It's hard to admit to such a delicate issue. Therefore, an adult seeks justification in objective reasons, and tries to shift the responsibility onto others. If desired, it is easier for him than for a child to solve a problem and get out of it. To begin with, you just need to realize this fact and say to yourself: “I have no comrades. They probably just don't want to be friends with me." To fix the problem, the baby needs the help of elders.
The essence of friendship
In reality, friendship is a relationship between at least two people. It operates according to unwritten laws that apply only to friends and are developed by them as a result of long-term communication. These rules change throughout life, they are not fixed by anyone and nowhere: neither by a comrade, nor by you. To start making friends, you need a mutual desire, common interests, values and aspirations.
Why often do not want to be friends even with versatile personalities? There are many answers to this question. Here are the most common ones:
- unpresentable appearance;
- disrespect for others;
- lack of reciprocal desire to make contact;
- inability to communicate;
- subconscious fear of friendship.
To begin with, you just need to realize this fact and say to yourself: “I have no comrades. They probably just don't want to be friends with me."
Ways to solve problems in communication
Appearance and behavior, as already noted, are an important component of communication. It is rare that someone decides to be friends with a person if he has an unpresentable appearance or acts ugly. The well-known saying that a person is judged by his friends is quite true.
The concept of appearance includes many parameters. These may be deviations from the ideals of society in weight and height, untidiness, bad breath .... On the one hand, such shortcomings can cause certain complexes in their owner and make it difficult to contact with others. On the other hand, it can repel potential buddies.
If the problems are easy to fix, then they need to be fixed. Everyone can iron clothes, brush their teeth, eat right and do exercises. It is enough to put yourself in order, and a full-fledged communication will begin. But it is worth considering that in one day the relationship will not change. Friendship is lost in a second if hostility appears, but is created over the years. After adjusting the appearance, an adaptation period is necessary. During this time, others will believe in changes and show a willingness to make contact.
It is more difficult to do something if the reluctance to make friends is associated with an inferiority complex. There is no other way than to believe in your exclusivity, increase your self-esteem and just love yourself. All sorts of trainings, reading relevant literature will help solve the problem, but this process is lengthy. A beginner on such a path can be said in support of the fact that self-development is a very exciting activity, it radically changes a person and never causes regret about the time and money spent.
The desire to communicate and find friends can be realized through social networks. In these cases, friendship develops rapidly, does not require large commitments from the parties. It can easily be interrupted, since no one made promises to anyone. However, it is not recommended to replace real communication with virtual friendship. A buddy on the net is the same stranger that you probably don't know anything about. When developing communication skills on the Internet, it is important not to cross the line: such dialogues should make you more sociable, and not someone who does not notice real life and others.
Often the absence of comrades is explained by the fear of making them. Friendship is a mutual obligation, much more meaningful than just a friendly relationship. Comrades are approached on a wide range of issues, they are expected to help and reciprocate. The fear of taking on high obligations or being deceived by unscrupulous people hinders the development of relationships. The solution to the issue lies in understanding one important point: friendship will not work out if you are not ready to take risks, trust and surrender to the process completely. Taking the first step in this case is extremely important.
Friendship in childhood
The solution to the problem of the lack of friends is available to an adult. But what to do if a little dear man suffers? It is impossible to solve this issue by force. The kid needs to grow up and learn to make friends on his own. The task of an adult is to do everything necessary to help the child establish contacts with peers.
First of all, you should be objective and try to look at the problem from the outside. Observe the behavior of the child when he is in the children's team. You can talk to a teacher or caregiver if their point of view is important to you.
In a dialogue with a child, it is necessary to focus on the correct options for building communication, gradually and accurately correct his behavior. Role-playing games help with this, analysis of specific situations that are not directly related to the baby. Gradually, the child himself will be able to orient himself in the environment and begin to make acquaintances with peers.
Friendship is a very complex process. To create friendly relations, you need a desire to change, to make contact. You may need to adjust your behavior, self-criticism, initiative. It is important to be friendly, open, polite and respectful to others. Such qualities are valued by society. It should be remembered that one does not become friends in seconds and days. Relationships develop gradually, you need to be patient and not turn off the path of establishing contacts with people. Good luck will not keep you waiting long!
Question from Tatyana:
For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to have many friends. Even as a child, instead of imagining myself as a bride, as my sister did, falling in love non-stop, I imagined myself as a student who has many friends, constant meetings, joint trips, maybe even we live together. As they grew older, the ideas, of course, became more realistic, but the essence of this did not change. I wanted to have many friends. And not just friends, acquaintances, but real ones, she dreamed of a strong friendship.
Answered by Evgenia Alekseeva:
Hello Tatiana!
I experienced this myself when, after completing the training, my anal-muscular-muscular without top relative suddenly became interesting to me. Before that, I perceived him exclusively as a rough clown who seemed to have hired me to take me back and forth in his car. That's all.
And after the training, I became extremely interested, because through it you can observe thinking as it is in purely lower vectors. Without an admixture of a cultural touch of vision, abstraction of sound, orality induction ... Yes, this is just a find, and not a relative, I thought! And, surprisingly, I knew him from birth, I had nothing to talk about with him, but after the training I had something to talk about with him! And this is without any stress. Moreover, he clearly became a better opinion of me. J
This happens with other people as well. Of course, everyone does not become interesting, but the world is clearly starting to play with different colors. Yuri Burlan's training helps to get out. There is understanding, and, consequently, interest. We begin to invest in communication with a person who becomes interesting to us, and, in the end, we get a result. Relationships, self-love.
Our environment defines us in many ways. It moves us, gives us a stimulus, impetus to action, new thoughts.
It is extremely important for a sound engineer to communicate with people who want to achieve something big. If everything comes down to money and profit, it will be boring. To exclusively love, too. Sound is driven by ideas. And ideas rule the world. Real sound associates can be found among those who are engaged in important work aimed, for example, at social transformations, discoveries, global ideas and plans...
But again, you need to participate with them in a common cause, to invest. Then there will be both interest and results.
Where is this to be found? You need to put yourself in a situation, find yourself a society in which this is already happening. To be among such people. Invest in it. And in order to awaken your initial interest in people, to understand what prevents you from fulfilling your dreams, whether it is a sound desire to be alone “at peace”, or visual fears that do not allow you to get sincere pleasure from communicating with people, I recommend that you take a training on the System Vector psychology of Yuri Burlan. On the main page in the Portal chat you will be given all the necessary information.
Evgenia Alekseeva, Master of Philosophy, student of the Faculty of Medicine
The article was written using the materials of the training on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan
Chapter:
Question to the psychologist:
Hello! I really need your advice!
I met a girl, we have children of the same age. They began to communicate, at first they began to walk together on playgrounds, then they went shopping together, then they began to visit each other almost every day, sometimes they walked with their families. I really liked it, because before that I was somehow bored and monotonous, but here there is so much communication that I lacked. We have been talking for about 4 months, she considers me her best friend, she constantly tells me about it. Yes, it was nice at first, but then I realized that there were too many of her and, probably, I can’t call her my friend ... In general, one unpleasant situation happened recently that was connected with money, I can’t describe everything, but I’ll say, that I was very offended by her and we didn’t communicate for some time, however, I didn’t want to communicate with her anymore. But the circumstances were such that I had to meet her. She burst into tears, apologized, once again said that I was her best friend and she really wants to be friends. And I am a soft person and the tears of another person really affect me, and, of course, I forgot everything, said that everything was fine and we began to communicate again. But ... I was turned away from her, perhaps, resentment settled. Or ... perhaps even before the conflict, I understood that she was not my person, that even then, when there was too much of her, I was aware of this, but now I got hooked on this situation so as not to communicate with her. And now I myself let her even closer to me, and now I clearly understand that she annoys me terribly. But how will I tell her about this, because in her opinion, everything is fine ... Yes, we made gifts to each other, at first I really thought that here she was, my friend! And what now ... We do not really communicate for about a month, except that occasionally we correspond. And I realized that I was fine without her, I realized that she was tired of me, that she talks too much, does not listen, interrupts, she needs to be always and everywhere near! I'm fed up with her and I don't think I'd ever want to hang out with her again. She loves directness, i.e. wants to always hear the truth from me, and what now, and tell her this truth ...? I sometimes stopped answering her calls and messages ... And I don’t know what to answer her. I’m sure that she now thinks that I “dumped” her, but not to make friends through force ?! How to be, how to find a way out, tell me, please ...
The psychologist Vasko Oksana Feliksovna answers the question.
Daria, good afternoon. Your question is a matter of personal boundaries, where you are a traffic controller and it depends only on your desire whether these boundaries will be narrowed or expanded. You are almost on the right track with one small “but”: since you ask a psychologist a question, I suspect that you are afraid to offend your “girlfriend” if you tell her directly that you no longer want to communicate. And if you tell her how it is, then you (most likely) will not become better for her. You can take the path of least resistance: answer any call from your girlfriend that you are busy (my mother came to visit you, you decided to spend the day with your husband, you are leaving the country, you found a job via Skype, and you are terribly busy and a million other reasons that you just can't communicate with her). Call is the reason, call is the reason. I think that, eventually, your "girlfriend" will get tired of knocking on a closed door.
In general, Daria, we don’t like in people what (first of all) is in us, and every person who comes into our life is a teacher (so internally thank your “girlfriend” for the call “what you should pay attention to in itself").
Tasha Roube is a licensed MS in Social Work from Missouri. She received her master's degree from the University of Missouri in 2014.
Number of sources used in this article: . You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.
Friendships can end for a variety of reasons. Sometimes people disagree and can't come to terms with it. Other times you just lose sight of each other. You may find yourself in a situation where some friends simply won't or can't continue to be friends with you despite your best efforts to make things right. These are sad moments that can happen to anyone. You are strong enough to get through this and move on.
Steps
Part 1
Let go- Feel free to cry. Crying allows you to release your emotions.
- Sad music or a movie promotes catharsis. This way you will be convinced that others also face similar situations, and you will understand that the best is yet to come.
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Delete old correspondence. Don't cling to messages and emails, although you may be tempted to constantly reread them. By doing this, you will only prolong your loneliness and pain after the end of the friendship.
- You can save copies of messages to a USB flash drive, and then give it to a friend or relatives before the moment comes when it will no longer be unbearably painful for you to look back at the past.
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Remove the person from friends on social networks. Watching what your friends are doing without you will only delay you in the past. You will be able to heal faster and let go of the past if you don't constantly follow their posts on Facebook.
Remove photos. You don't have to throw them out, although you can. Remove anything that reminds you of your friend, including souvenirs and gifts.
Write down your feelings. One way to sort out your feelings is to write them down. You may have questions about what went wrong or anger towards your friends. Get rid of such emotions by writing a letter to a friend that you will never show her. After writing, the letter can be torn up or placed in a desk drawer. It is only necessary to sort out your feelings.
Don't blame yourself. Do not take the situation as a reflection of your personality. Friendships can end for many reasons. Even if it seems to you that you also contributed to this development of the situation, do not forget that friendship always depends on two people. You cannot control other people.
Be grateful. After the end of a friendship, it is very easy to fall into negativity. Think about the things in life that you are grateful for. Make a list of the people you love, the skills you're proud of, the teams you're a part of, and the things that make you happy. Keep the list in your wallet, purse, or desktop so you can refer to it whenever you feel lonely.
Get out of the house. If you just sit and think about your ex, it will be harder for you to let go. No need to sit at home and be sad. Go for a run or go to the gym. Visit a crowded place - a cafe, a library or a concert.
Find a hobby. A new hobby will always help you get distracted and make new friends. Think of an interesting activity that will keep you busy. In moments of upheaval, a yoga or meditation class is a particularly helpful choice. You can also sign up for classes in cooking, dancing or playing a musical instrument.
Do what you like. Don't let a lost friendship take the joy out of your life. Try to make time for things that bring you pleasure and make you happy. Read, play video games, meet friends, play a musical instrument. Keep yourself busy.
Don't be afraid to grieve a little. Losing a friend is very painful. Pretending that nothing happened or suppressing your feelings will only help at first, but then it will be much more difficult for you to move on. Recognize that you have lost an important person and that your sadness is justified.
