How to show your husband that he is to blame. How to make peace with your husband after a strong quarrel, divorce, betrayal, scandal, fight? Reconciliation with your husband: advice from a psychologist

- a common occurrence. A popular proverb says: “Darlings scold, they only amuse themselves.” However, sometimes quarrels can be quite serious and protracted. What needs to be done to avoid the disastrous consequences of quarrels, prevent divorce and return peace to your family? Our article will tell you about this.

How to make peace with your husband if he does not make contact?

One of the most common situations during family quarrels is the lack of desire to make contact and make peace. The man considers himself to be the right side in the conflict, so he does not want to apologize and return peace to the family. Because of such male stubbornness, many women suffer, not knowing what to do next in such a situation. Psychologists recommend that the wives of such stubborn people be patient. You shouldn’t run away immediately after a disagreement, even if the blame for the quarrel lies entirely with the woman.

This will demonstrate complete disrespect for oneself. Your husband may decide that since you don’t respect yourself, then he shouldn’t show any respect either. After a quarrel with your loved one, take a pause, then try to organize a house party with the participation of your husband’s friends. In front of his comrades, your spouse will not make any scenes or show any disdain towards you. There is a high probability that at the end of a friendly meeting you will be able to make peace.

How can I make peace with my husband if the quarrel is my wife’s fault and I’m to blame?

The initiator of a quarrel can be not only a man, but also a woman. After a quarrel, the wife feels guilty and does not know how to correct the situation. There are several ways to make amends to your husband:

  • One of the most effective methods in this situation is proposal to go visit mother-in-law(to my husband's mother). For every man, mother always remains the main woman whom he values, loves and respects. Therefore, your offer to visit his mother will pave the way for further reconciliation. Of course, if you have established a cool relationship with your mother-in-law, you should not rush into her arms when you meet and demonstrate ostentatious joy. The mother-in-law may misjudge your impulse and turn her son even more against you;
  • Another way to reconcile after a quarrel with a manarrange a romantic evening with candles and a delicious dinner. If there are children in the family, they can be sent to their parents. After that, while your husband is at work, prepare a delicious dinner, put on beautiful lace lingerie (which your husband has not yet seen on you), light candles, and decorate the table beautifully. When your husband comes home, he will probably lose the desire to sort things out with you. He will gladly share with you the joy of this festive evening;
  • Give your husband a gift, which he had long dreamed of. You can put a small and nice gift in your jacket or trouser pocket, accompanying it with a love message to your husband.

A husband and wife should begin a dialogue after a quarrel only after they have completely calmed down.

How to find ways of reconciliation if he is to blame for the quarrel?

If a man is to blame for a family quarrel, the wife needs to choose a certain tactic for further behavior.

  • Make concessions. A woman must sacrifice something for the sake of her family and give in to her husband. Even if your husband is to blame for the quarrel, you need to overcome your pride and resentment, approach your husband and start a conversation. You should not directly talk about his guilt; you can only tactfully hint that the spouse was wrong. It is advisable not to hurt your spouse’s pride in a conciliatory conversation, otherwise it will not be possible to avoid a new quarrel;
  • Wait. If your spouse is an easy-going person, you can simply wait out the quarrel and after a while he himself will come to make peace. However, such men are very rare. Usually they are all very proud and stubborn. Therefore, in most cases, the wife has to be the first to compromise. You should not apologize to your spouse if he is to blame for the quarrel. Just invite your husband to talk about the current situation;
  • Try. Some women resort to such tricks in order to preserve their dignity and force the offending husband to reconcile. Use any method convenient for you to make your husband jealous. At first he may not show it, but soon he will begin to become more interested in how his wife spends her leisure time. And this will be the first step towards full reconciliation after a quarrel.

How to make peace with your husband via SMS?

Reconciliation with a guy via SMS is a good option for those couples who are far from each other. Very often, spouses are afraid to start communication after a quarrel, because they do not know how their other half will react to such a step. Making peace via SMS is much easier, because you don’t see the person, but at the same time you want to say words of reconciliation to him. What text should be written in the message? This task is solved individually by each woman. You can express your regret about the quarrel and ask your spouse for reconciliation. Don't forget to mention how much you love your husband. You can write that you miss him very much. If your spouse is to blame for the quarrel, and you do not want to show your weakness in front of him, ask him a question via SMS: does he miss his beloved wife, does he want to stop the quarrel and start a dialogue?

How to make peace if your husband doesn’t want to talk?

Not all family quarrels end in quick reconciliation. Sometimes disagreements between spouses can be so strong that the spouse decides to file for divorce and at the same time does not want to talk about family relationships with his other half. If such a situation arises, a woman should still try to get her husband to talk. One of the most effective remedies in such a situation is to admit your own mistakes. Even if your spouse initiated the quarrel, just step over your pride and say that you are to blame. In general, the most effective remedy for any quarrel is a delicious romantic dinner and the temptation of your spouse. The main thing is that the husband’s offense due to a strong quarrel does not lead to divorce.

How to avoid quarreling again during a frank conversation with your spouse?

When the quarrel is over and the time for reconciliation has come, it is very important to prevent new discord. When spouses decide to reconcile, they need to be especially careful about the words they utter during reconciliation. It’s impossible to say directly that your significant other is wrong, but you are ready to forgive her. This will surely become a new source of discord. If the main reason for the quarrel was not resolved during a frank conversation, it is necessary to return to it later, when both spouses have calmed down a little. When solving family problems, never get personal.

How to make peace with your husband if he left home?

Often, under the influence of emotions, people commit rash acts. After strong quarrels, your husband may make a spontaneous decision to divorce. The most difficult time to reconcile is when the spouse leaves home and communicates over the phone about his decision to file for divorce. In such a situation, a woman should not panic, but first find out whether this decision of her husband was deliberate or was it made under the influence of emotions? Arrange a test for your faithful one, using the help of your friends or mutual acquaintances. Let them call the stubborn person and tell him that you are in a difficult and unpleasant situation, something happened to you. The husband should not know about the conspiracy. Then you need to look at the reaction of your loved one. If he worries and calls you, then his love is still alive. If a man is not worried, then his decision to divorce is most likely thoughtful and balanced.

Reconciliation with a loved one is always a difficult step. It is especially difficult to reach an understanding with a guy after a strong and prolonged quarrel. There are many ways of reconciliation; each family chooses its own method that is most suitable for their relationship.

Remember that tactile contact with your loved one facilitates the process of reconciliation after a disagreement. For this reason, many psychologists advise making peace before bed and sleeping in the same bed. For some couples, sex becomes the main way of reconciliation. This method cannot be called bad, because it helps not only to strengthen family relationships, but also to diversify your intimate life.

Disagreements and clashes between husband and wife are common and natural. Psychology professionals say that it is quarrels that take relationships to a new level. After all, if the spouses stop arguing and quarreling with each other, this indicates only one thing - their feelings have cooled down. But if marital quarrels occur too often, there is nothing good about it. This means that the relationship has reached a dead end and we need to look for a path to reconciliation and understanding.

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How to reconcile with your spouse if she is to blame?

A woman is more emotional than a man, so she often becomes the culprit of a disagreement. The reasons can be very varied: lack of money, her husband’s refusal to buy something for her, jealousy. However, representatives of the fair sex cool down as quickly as they flare up. Then the woman begins to feel guilty, but does not know how to properly reconcile after a quarrel. For such ladies, psychologists have developed several effective recommendations:

  1. 1. Find a reason for communication in which he cannot refuse to talk: a trip to his mother, children's problems, household issues. Once the conversation begins, it will be easier to ask for forgiveness and explain your behavior.
  2. 2. Have a dinner together. Prepare his favorite dishes, light candles and create a romantic atmosphere. Conversation will go easier over a glass of wine.
  3. 3. Do not remind about the scandal. It is necessary to let your spouse calm down and cool down. A hot head will only make him angrier and there will be no talk of reconciliation.

How to make peace with an Aquarius

What if he is to blame?

The husband may also be to blame for the fact that the spouses quarreled. But men are stubborn and do not want to be the first to make peace. A woman needs to push her husband towards reconciliation. There are several effective ways to do this:

  1. 1. Don’t blame, but try to figure it out. Tactfully explain to the man what his offense is. Try not to harbor a grudge or drag out a quarrel in silence. With this behavior, the husband realizes his mistake and asks for forgiveness.
  2. 2. Cause jealousy. If the husband is not guilty of a minor offense, but of a serious situation (flirting with someone else, cheating), but the woman does not want to lose him, you can try to make her husband jealous. Change your clothing style, hairstyle, stay late from work, keep him at a distance and often chat on the phone. However, one should not go too far. As soon as your husband shows concern, you can safely take the first step.

The choice of reconciliation method depends on the character of the spouse. A person with an explosive disposition must be given time to comprehend the situation; an easy-going husband can be safely approached a few minutes after a quarrel.

How not to argue with your husband

How to avoid getting divorced?

If the quarrel was so big that the spouse does not want to talk or has left the house altogether, action must be taken immediately. Otherwise, things may end up in divorce. A few tips from a psychologist will help you avoid this unpleasant event:

  1. 1. You should not get irritated and stir up a scandal even more. This will only push the man away and strengthen his desire to get a divorce.
  2. 2. There is no need to obsessively persuade your husband not to leave his family. He needs time to think about the situation. Perhaps the fatal words were spoken in the heat of the moment, and as time passes, the spouse will come to his senses and ask for forgiveness.
  3. 3. It is not recommended to tell your girlfriends, neighbors, etc. about the quarrel. Advice from people unfamiliar with the situation can only do harm.
  4. 4. If your spouse does not talk and does not make contact in any way, you should be at home more often. Cook your husband’s favorite dishes, try to create homeliness and a comfortable environment. Touch a man more as if by accident.
  5. 5. You need to talk to your husband as with a friend, try to express all your disappointments and dissatisfaction and listen to his point of view. This will help you understand each other better and solve family problems.

Reconciliation according to the horoscope

Astrologers say that the ease with which a person makes reconciliation depends on the zodiac sign. If you study the horoscope of your loved one, you can easily find an approach to him and quickly make peace with your husband.

Zodiac sign Characteristic
AriesAries men are hot-tempered and explosive. A quarrel with a representative of this sign turns into a stormy showdown. But Aries are quick-witted and quickly forget insults. They are not too interested in their partner’s feelings, so the woman should be the first to put up with him
TaurusIt is very easy to make peace with a Taurus. This sign hates arguments and conflicts and is quite capable of asking for forgiveness first
TwinsGeminis tend to worry even over a minor quarrel. To reconcile, they need to be drawn into a conversation, and Gemini will immediately forget about the disagreement
CancerThe Cancer man is very vulnerable and vindictive. He holds a grudge for a long time and will never approach you first. Therefore, a woman needs to take this step
a lionIt is very difficult to reconcile with a Leo husband. Leos are touchy and remember words spoken in the heat of the moment for a long time. To achieve reconciliation, you will need to repent for a long time and beg for forgiveness.
VirgoThe Virgo man needs time to think about the situation. After this, he will most likely apologize himself.
ScalesLibra is one of the most peaceful signs; it is almost impossible to argue with him. If this does happen, you need to invite your Libra spouse for a walk and talk to him frankly. After this, the conflict will be settled
ScorpionScorpio men are vindictive and touchy. Before going to reconciliation, they will make you humiliate yourself for a long time and remember all your sorrows
SagittariusSagittarius is quick-witted and does not remember insults. He forgives his woman a lot, if not everything
CapricornIt is difficult to reconcile with a pedant Capricorn. After the conflict, he withdraws into himself and does not want to talk. To get him to talk, you will have to try
AquariusAquarius is the most unpredictable sign of the Zodiac. He is capable of reconciliation a minute after a disagreement, or he can remain silent for a whole month, harboring a grudge
FishThe Pisces man is very sensitive and experiences every quarrel. You need to be gentle and patient with him.

Harmony in the family is achieved through many years of persistent relationship building, and disagreements along the way are inevitable. But all unpleasant moments can be resolved if the desire to reconcile is mutual.

Quarrels and conflicts between spouses are a completely natural and quite common occurrence. Psychologists say that this is exactly what is necessary for the development of relationships and bringing them to a new stage. After all, if people completely stop conflicting, then this will indicate complete indifference to each other. But quarrels are sometimes too exhausting, and it can be very difficult to make peace with your loved one, and besides, situations are sometimes quite unusual. This is what we will talk about today.

And in response there is silence...

It happens, it happens that after the raging “tsunami”, spouses don’t really want to communicate at all, much less make contact. Even if the wife has already thawed out and is trying in every possible way to improve the relationship, the husband can take a principled position, especially when he considers himself to be right. What to do in such a situation? How to make peace with your husband?

If your significant other turns out to be incredibly stubborn, this does not mean that you need to immediately run to apologize or repent. Otherwise, you can only do harm, because in this way you will make it clear to your husband that you lack basic self-respect, and will give him a reason not to take your opinion into account either. Patience is the main rule that should be followed. After you manage to pause, you can proceed to the next stage - organizing a small feast at home with the participation of mutual friends of your family. This will cheer up both of you, and will also help you get into the right frame of mind, since in front of your friends your husband will not disgrace himself by involving you in a quarrel. It is likely that after the holiday, the husband will finally have a desire to talk with his wife, to make contact.

Calm the tsunami

Sometimes family quarrels are so strong that the question of how to make peace with your husband is very pressing. After all, everything is at stake: the well-being and further development of the family. But even at such a critical moment, you can fix something and return it to its place.

Very often, even the most difficult situations are resolved simply. Quarrels are no exception. The fastest way is to pretend that nothing happened and simply “forget” about the conflict. Yes, it’s not easy, but sometimes it’s worth rethinking everything and understanding that your relationship with your husband is more important to you than personal ambitions. And no matter how strong the quarrel is, this option remains the most acceptable. An even less convincing method would be if you simply silently approach your spouse, hug him and say a few kind words in his ear. Yes, both of you will immediately forget who was wrong and who was right. If you resolve quarrels in this way, there will immediately be much fewer of them.

You can also approach your spouse, expressing the reason for your dissatisfaction in the correct form. That is, do not express your emotions, but voice them. For example, tell him: “I’m offended by you because you...” and so on.

Save the marriage

When the quarrels are very serious, it comes to divorce, then drastic measures are needed. The main thing is not to panic ahead of time and not to overwhelm yourself. It is likely that this is all your personal speculation, or that your husband, in a fit of passion, threw out a careless phrase, but one way or another, it’s worth checking.

Everything is very simple. The wife needs to muster up the courage to try to establish contact in any way, even if her husband does not make it. For example, your husband knows that you return from work at five in the evening. Allow yourself to stay for a couple of hours and not warn him about anything. It is important that none of your friends and family know where you are. Then you return home and look at your spouse’s reaction. Was he worried, did he immediately start asking about what happened, or not? This is an excellent method that immediately gives one hundred percent results. This way you can immediately understand whether he wants it or not for a very long time, otherwise it could aggravate the situation.

Wisdom is the best ally

It also happens that you need to look for a way to make peace with your husband, provided that it is he himself who is to blame. In this case, you need to give him the opportunity to realize this.

It may happen that your spouse simply does not realize that he is to blame, thinking completely differently. For example, in a fit of emotion you said a lot of offensive words to him, and now he simply doesn’t want to apologize out of pride. But you still know that you are right about the essence of the conflict! Therefore, act wisely in this case, with progressive movements. Oddly enough, you should squirm first. This will make it easier to win over your husband after a quarrel and realize that somewhere he might have offended you. Believe me, his apology will not take long to arrive! It’s also very good if, after mutual apologies, you simply move on to arguing your point of view, return to the subject of the conflict, but with a different mood without insults or complaints. Also give him the opportunity to speak, try to listen carefully and not interrupt. The main thing is that in this way you will be able to improve the relationship and wait for an apology.

Admit mistakes

If you need to improve your relationship with a man, provided that the woman is to blame, it’s worth trying.

  1. You can cheat a little by giving the storm a chance to subside. As soon as your spouse forgives you, he will immediately take the first step towards reconciliation. Most men are quite easy-going, perhaps this is your option.
  2. Any quarrels will be resolved instantly if the wife offers her husband a trip to his mother. It is known that for many men, mother is the standard of womanhood and beauty. Even if you don’t manage to make peace after 5 minutes, your spouse will still immediately feel better from such an event.
  3. Talking frankly and apologizing for all grievances on your part is also a good option in this case. The husband will appreciate this step; he will even be proud that his wife can admit it when she is really guilty.
  4. Or you can use the “classics” - a delicious romantic dinner that smoothly flows into intimate games. Your significant other will be completely delighted, and in the bedroom it will become completely unimportant who was right.
  5. Surprise. You can write how much you love your husband, putting a message in his jacket pocket in the morning, and then wait for reconciliation.

Some more effective ways...

In the case when reconciliation does not come after a quarrel, and you have already made all attempts, you can use a special conspiracy. Here you need to follow several rules.

  1. It's best to read it before going to bed.
  2. After this, do not give any items to anyone.
  3. Don't communicate with anyone.
  4. Do it in private.

“The Sun and the Moon do not go to war with each other! Stone and water always live in friendship! The spirit of heaven and earth must be in harmony! So the Servant of God (husband’s name) and the Servant of God (name yourself) can be reconciled in affection and love, not sulking, not swearing, but joking and laughing! Amen!" Read it three times.

The conspiracy, of course, is only suitable for those who believe in magic. In addition to conspiracy, you can also use simpler methods of reconciliation. For example, you can invite your husband to do something together: cook a meal together or do some spring cleaning. Or you can just invite him to the park for a walk. There are many options, the main thing is to choose a method that will quietly unite you, then reconciliation will not take long to arrive.

Thus, you should not rack your brain too much about how to make peace with your husband. After all, it is important not only how it will be done, but also with what mood. The main thing is that you sincerely want to continue your relationship, and also care about the future well-being of the family.

Good evening. I really need help. I can’t understand myself, probably for the first time in my life. So. I am 38 years old, my husband and I are the same age. Together for 18 years. Married for 13 years. We have two children, 12 and 6 years old. The essence of the problem is the cooling in the relationship and my reaction to it. I'll try in more detail. I have always loved and love my husband very much, he is my only man. I value him very much, respect him and am afraid of losing him. He is a wonderful father, a very decent person, a loyal and devoted friend. Everyone adores him - family, colleagues, friends. He is always in a good mood, never quarrels with anyone, does not drink (in the Russian sense of the word), that is, only on holidays and for company, is faithful to me, is absolutely not greedy, not jealous, in general, almost ideal. But. It's outside. Inside he is very closed, calm, practically devoid of emotions. Believes that emotions are an evil that must be fought and always kept under control.
Now I. I grew up in a family where emotions simply went off scale, constant loud scandals and showdowns were the norm. In my husband, I found a calm haven in which I could finally relax. I am also a fairly calm person by nature, or rather, no, I am a pragmatic person. In relationships I have always valued trust, mutual understanding and friendship. I always said that my husband and I were more friends than lovers, and I was even proud of it. Although sexually everything was and is all right with us (in my opinion). My husband was my friend for a very long time, who did not know everything about me, but a lot, more than husbands usually know.
It was like this for quite a long time. Three years ago, my husband started his own business, he didn’t go, debts, loans and financial problems appeared. And the relationship fell apart. I understand that men are very worried, that I should be support and support, I try to give all this to him, for me these are things taken for granted. I stopped recognizing my husband. I no longer have a friend, a loved one. Instead, next to me lives a boorish man I don’t know, who is always unhappy, takes it out on me and the children, finds fault with all sorts of little things, and the worst thing is that he put a crown on his head and decided that he is now the king here. In our family there have always been equal relationships, this was mandatory for me and remains so. I refuse to understand why, at almost 40 years old, they suddenly began telling me how to live, declaring in all seriousness that “this is the right way.” It seems to me that this is some other person, I don’t know him, I don’t like him and I don’t want him.
The downside of everything that’s happening is that I’m still not sure whether my husband loves me or not. Yes, he has lived with me for many years, he has always been caring and gentle, active in bed. But in my relationship with him, the feeling that I am just an accident in his life never leaves me, if it weren’t me, anyone would do. He is omnivorous.
I will continue about the problems. Things have gotten really bad lately. We hardly talk, most of the time we are in a state of quarrel. During a quarrel, the husband refuses to discuss the essence of the problem, screams, practically breaks into a squeal, which has never happened to him before, takes the conversation aside, remembers some old sins, accuses me of absurd things that are simply funny and scary. He began to cross the line, saying things that he knows I can’t say, because it hurts me very much. This is such cynicism from him - trampling boots on the sick. Quarrels arise almost out of nowhere. Yesterday, for example, it was turning on the turn signal on the car when entering the roundabout. Left or right? We didn’t reach an agreement, and the previously established relations went to hell. Moreover, I don’t quarrel, I don’t shout, I just defend my point of view, this is perceived as aggression on my part. In addition, he never apologizes or admits guilt.
And now the question itself. I used to be very worried when I was in a quarrel, I cried a lot and suffered. I couldn’t be in a quarrel for a long time, I wanted to make peace. I was very dependent on him. Now after his speeches there is a feeling of disgust and relief that you don’t need to talk to him for a couple of days so as not to hear these screams. Then, of course, you have to put up with it, but the children still feel the tension and are very worried. I feel like I'm incredibly tired of everything. And from him, and from his claims, and most of all, probably from the question - who needs all this? If only for me, then why do I torture a person and suffer myself? I still love him, I don’t want to lose him, but I’m tired of being the one who needs it. Naturally, I try to talk, explain, for a while he becomes quiet, only these periods of enlightenment are becoming shorter and shorter. I don’t know, this dual situation torments me. Is it possible to love a person and not want to make peace with him? Or am I tormented by phantom pains and am I worried about what is not there? I’m not ready to break up, but it’s also impossible to live like this. Should I just spit and live my life as they advise me? Like two children, he’s a good father, what else do you need, he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t cheat, you’re crazy about fat.
  • Inside he is very closed, calm, practically devoid of emotions. Believes that emotions are an evil that must be fought and always kept under control.



    And since he doesn’t know how to express his irritation in a civilized manner, it doesn’t look pleasant(

    My husband was my friend for a very long time, who did not know everything about me, but a lot, more than husbands usually know.

    Do you know your husband as well as he knows you?

    Husband in a quarrel refuses to discuss the essence of the problem, screams, almost breaks into a squeal, which has never happened to him before, takes the conversation aside, remembers some old sins, accuses me of absurd things that are simply funny and scary.

    Can you give me a couple of examples of such quarrels, Mr. Ivanova? What started it, what was the “essence of the problem” and where did the conversation end up?

    The downside of everything that’s happening is that I’m still not sure whether my husband loves me or not. Yes, he has lived with me for many years, he has always been caring and gentle, active in bed. But in my relationship with him, the feeling that I am just an accident in his life never leaves me, If it weren't me, anyone would do. He is omnivorous.

    Well, in a way it is, I think. If he had not met you, he would obviously have met some other woman...

    What does the husband’s “omnivorousness” consist of?

  • I really understand about “you’re going crazy”: many who assess the situation only from the outside can give such advice.
    Sometimes people develop in different directions during the process. And yes, I support that the situation with the business could become a catalyst for the husband’s previously tightly fitting lid being blown off.
    Whether you want to live with him or break up is up to you.
    You can't change your husband. But you can help figure out ways to respond to your husband’s behavior)
  • Would you value him more if he were not “omnivorous”? this is a plus, not a minus.

    There is no need to prove anything to him. This is a man, not a wimp. He will not admit his guilt and will not sprinkle ashes on his head. As SW said. Azure - what is more important to you - to be happy or right? Your man is going through a difficult period in his life right now because of his work - support him, understand how difficult it is for him.

    Tell us about your family. How old were you when your parents divorced?

  • What's the real point of defending your point about the turn signal? For what? And who was driving?
  • I see a contradiction here. “Calm” and “very closed and afraid of his own emotions” are completely different, I would even say, opposite characteristics
    It turns out that the husband did not learn to release negative emotions, but pushed them away and showed you “calmness and good mood,” and now, against the backdrop of problems, the lid has been blown off

    I’ll try to explain, I got the impression that once in his youth he discovered the secret of how to be loved by everyone - this is to be a good guy, not to tell the truth, to maintain good relations with everyone. It's hard to wear such a mask if you are susceptible to emotions. Therefore, he created the concept that emotional people are scandalous and uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter what kind of toad you have about a person, it’s much more important that there is no conflict, everything is decent and smooth. He leaves his good mood not for me and the children, but for people outside the family. It's really sweet there, but at home it's a bore and a tyrant. A tyrant does not mean torturing, but in the sense that everything should be as he said.

    Do you know your husband as well as he knows you?
    Or was it such one-sided frankness on your part?

    It seems to me that I have a need to communicate more, I am still a woman, plus I need it more. But there was a time when he willingly entered into conversation; we could argue, discussing a film or, for example, a situation at work. He has a very unique view on many things, this is very valuable to me, an outside perspective plus the opinion of a person I respect. In general, I think that the statement “I know this person” is impudent; sometimes people don’t know themselves. The answer to the question is that there was a time when it seemed to me that I understood him very well.

    Can you give me a couple of examples of such quarrels, Mr. Ivanova? What started it, what was the “essence of the problem” and where did the conversation end up?

    Any attempts to discuss what is happening. Recently I sat down next to him in the evening and suggested we discuss what was happening between us. At first they told me that everything was fine with us and he saw no reason to discuss anything, then he suggested that we postpone the conversation “until tomorrow.” When I began to insist, citing the fact that this had already been postponed many times, he became furious and switched to the topic “but you didn’t wash the dishes yesterday, and last week you didn’t sew up the pocket on my jeans.” I mean this figuratively, and it had nothing to do with the topic of conversation. But I agreed and offered to discuss all the complaints that he had against me, any, and in return I would express mine. As a result, I listened to him, and when it was my turn, “but you, you yourself, that’s when you said something.” In fact, it always turns out that I am always wrong, and he is right, no matter how you look at it. And he says this in all seriousness. At such moments I feel like I’m sitting in a madhouse with Napoleon. A sane person cannot claim that he is always right!

    Well, in a way it is, I think. If he had not met you, he would obviously have met some other woman...
    Or do you believe that every person has a “half”, without whom he cannot see happiness in life?
    What does the husband’s “omnivorousness” consist of?

    I may have expressed myself a little incorrectly... I understand that if it weren’t for me, there would be someone else, I don’t believe in halves at all. I meant that he doesn’t even know what affection and need for someone is. He is very conservative. He is sure that a man should have a wife and children. You need to sleep with your wife and go on visits, sometimes give in so as not to cause trouble. Children need to be loved and raised. This is how it should be and this is how the world stands. And all sorts of nonsense, such as love, affection, when a person is necessary and you can’t imagine life without him - this is a whim. What is important is a strong family, where everyone knows their responsibilities and fulfills them. Everything goes in order and this is the key to health. It seems to me that if I leave, he will simply shrug his shoulders and decide that I am a whim, and he needs to continue living, and in a month he will be living well with someone else. There will be no attempts to find out something, return it, no. This is what I meant.

    Added ---

    I want to live with him. And I wrote specifically to help with “methods of response”)))

  • I’ll try to explain, I got the impression that once in his youth he discovered the secret of how to be loved by everyone - this means being a good guy, not telling the truth, maintaining good relations with everyone. It's hard to wear such a mask if you are susceptible to emotions. Therefore, he created the concept that emotional people are scandalous and uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter what kind of toad you have about a person, it’s much more important that there is no conflict, everything is decent and smooth.

    I understood that, yes


    He leaves his good mood not for me and the children, but for people outside the family. It's really sweet there, but at home it's a bore and a tyrant. A tyrant does not mean torturing, but in the sense that everything should be as he said.

    Is this true now - or from the very beginning of the relationship was the husband “a bore and a tyrant”?

    In general, I think that the statement “I know this person” is impudent; sometimes people don’t know themselves. The answer to the question is that there was a time when it seemed to me that I understood him very well.

    I understand correctly, Mr. Ivanova, that you and your husband were frank and shared many things that are usually not discussed with husbands (by the way?) - but he never showed such frankness, preferring to discuss abstract topics?

    But there was a time when he willingly entered into conversation; we could argue, discussing a film or, for example, a situation at work.

    I get the impression that for you an indispensable attribute of an interesting conversation is an argument
    It is so indeed?

    Any attempts to discuss what is happening. Recently I sat down next to him in the evening and suggested we discuss what was happening between us.

    Those. If you don’t initiate attempts to sort things out, then there won’t be quarrels?

    He is very conservative. He is sure that a man should have a wife and children. You need to sleep with your wife and go on visits, sometimes give in so as not to cause trouble. Children need to be loved and raised. This is how it should be and this is how the world stands. And all sorts of nonsense, such as love, affection, when a person is necessary and you can’t imagine life without him - this is a whim. What is important is a strong family, where everyone knows their responsibilities and fulfills them. Everything goes in order and this is the key to health.

    Quite a sensible approach, IMHO
    I think the opposite situation - when a man regularly declares that he cannot imagine life without you - but at the same time does not care about you or the children - you would like even less

  • Would you value him more if he were not “omnivorous”? this is a plus, not a minus.
    I don't understand a bit, please explain.

    If it weren't for you, he really would have met another woman and would have loved her too. Do you consider yourself exceptional?

    I don’t consider myself exceptional at all, and I explained what I meant in a previous post.

    As some advice - you need to improve your sex life - often and a lot. That with so many years of living together and the problems that have arisen with my husband’s work, this is not an easy task. NECESSARY.

    I agree 100% here. This is very little now, just a disaster. Moreover, we both love our sex and get great pleasure from it. But my husband doesn’t show much initiative, and this is understandable in his situation, but I’m afraid to impose myself for the same reason that it’s hard for him. So we sleep on opposite sides of the bed

    Tell us about your family. How old were you when your parents divorced?

    how do you know that my parents got divorced? Fantastic! Yes, they divorced when I was 6 years old. The reason is his father's betrayal. I lived with my stepfather from the age of 6. I was waiting for this question and was afraid of it. Last time, my face-to-face communication with the psychologist ended there; I decided that I did not want to unlock this door and ended the conversation. It’s difficult for me to talk about this period of my life, because if I start talking, I see pity on people’s faces, and I don’t like that. And it’s awkward to talk about, as if you’re trying to squeeze out a tear. My stepfather is a decent person in the sense that there were no classics of the genre - no one seduced or raped me. But for almost 15 years he methodically humiliated me, insulted me and destroyed me morally. If possible, I will omit the details.
    My mother never interfered with my communication with my father, but I very quickly realized what he was like. An extremely cold, selfish person, at the age of 18 I realized that he didn’t even know how old I was or when my birthday was. In his words, “somewhere in the winter.” He is still alive, lives nearby, a year ago I saw him, much more than his granddaughters, he was interested in what car I arrived in)).
    At my mother’s insistence, I tried to establish a relationship with my stepfather in my youth and adulthood, but 3 years ago, after another ridiculous complaint against me, I broke off communication, deciding that I had had enough. This is not my husband to be aunted with. I have my own for this. In fact, it was still about the children, they loved him very much, he worked with them a lot, and then, after being offended by me, he transferred it to them. They were confused and didn’t understand why grandfather wasn’t talking to them. It was very painful for me to see this. Children take everything upon themselves. Therefore, I tried to explain that grandfather was simply unwell, did not feel well, and did not take them there anymore.
    At the moment, my mother lives with her stepfather, and comes to us once or twice a week. I always had a good relationship with my mother, very trusting, almost friendly.
  • In our family there have always been equal relationships, this was mandatory for me and remains so. I refuse to understand why, at almost 40 years old, they suddenly began telling me how to live, declaring in all seriousness that “this is the right way.”

    Uv. Ivanova, please give 4-5 examples of how your husband tells you “how to live.” Specific situations and your dialogues.

  • I understood that, yes
    But this is the second time I’ve noticed such a division in you - there are “emotional” people, and there are “calm” people, like your husband
    But the absence of fireworks of emotions does not mean the absence of emotions

    This is not my division, but my husband’s. I just agree that calm does not mean without emotions. I think that he has these very emotions, he just considers it wrong to show them.

    Is this true now - or from the very beginning of the relationship was the husband “a bore and a tyrant”?

    From the very beginning he was not like that. Then little things began to appear, like “why did you turn off the burner under the scrambled eggs, you need to put the kettle there now.” Then he began to quarrel with his mother about why she didn’t prepare dinner the way he liked it. I tried to persuade him, saying that he has me for this, and his mother cooks the way his father likes. Then he began to cling to his eldest daughter. She doesn't laugh, talk, or generally act like she should! And she’s going through puberty, she’s freaking out, she doesn’t understand why her caring, beloved dad has become so nasty and constantly criticizes her. Now the youngest has grown up, the same thing begins. Now what we have is that I try not to touch him at all, the eldest daughter communicates only if he is in a good mood, and the youngest simply cries when faced with rudeness or punishment.

    I understand correctly, Mr. Ivanova, that you and your husband were frank and shared many things that are usually not discussed with husbands (by the way?) - but he never showed such frankness, preferring to discuss abstract topics?

    Everyone’s concept of “they don’t discuss it with their husbands” is different. Some people can’t even discuss the size of his salary with their husband. I meant that I could gossip with him, discuss the actions of one of my friends, a girl on the street or a guy, ask to buy tampons or birth control pills.
    Is the topic of my work distracting for him, where I have a problem, and he helped me solve it?
    Or did one of his friends make him angry and he complained? I already admitted that there was more frankness on my part, but it seems normal to me, considering that men generally communicate verbally several times less often than women.

    I get the impression that for you an indispensable attribute of an interesting conversation is an argument
    It is so indeed?
    Maybe. It depends on what is considered a dispute - is it a conversation in a raised voice? Or an exchange of opinions between people who disagree on something? For me, a conversation is interesting if there is an opponent, a person with a different opinion, where I can learn and learn something, otherwise why discuss it at all? What to discuss if everyone agrees? Cool movie? Yeah. The conversation is over.

    Those. If you don’t initiate attempts to sort things out, then there won’t be quarrels?
    Or do they happen for other reasons?

    I generally try not to initiate quarrels. As I said above, I try to avoid communication precisely because it leads to a quarrel. And of course there are reasons. First of all, these are children. I am an adult and can handle constant pressure without taking the negativity personally. And the children suffer, they don’t understand what they are to blame for. Nitpicking is sometimes out of nowhere. The eldest one especially gets it, she is a teenager, with all the words, antics and jumps. The husband categorically does not accept cutesy women, and the daughter tries herself as a woman, of course it turns out cutesy and clumsy, he constantly attacks with criticism, she suffers. I remain silent, endure, and then still intervene. And the chaos begins. Secondly, these are his public speeches addressed to me. If I tell something, I can be laughed at in front of everyone, made to look like a fool. For example, to state that it is convenient for me to sit on my butt and do nothing (in terms of money), despite the fact that I have been working all my life since I was 18 years old and there was a time when I earned more than him. And so on.

    Quite a sensible approach, IMHO
    I think the opposite situation - when a man regularly declares that he cannot imagine life without you - but at the same time does not care about you or the children - you would like even less

    I agree, that’s why I appreciate, love and respect him. But sometimes I want them to just say that it’s so good that you’re with me, I love you, you’re beautiful, sexy, etc.

    Added ---

    I was driving. He was angry, lost at cards and drank. I found fault with the turn signal, went online and couldn’t find a definite answer. When I said that the instructor taught me this way, there was aggression and screaming. I answered, in vain, of course, but there’s no helping it. Like this. There probably wasn't any point. But when they yell at you all the time, there is a desire to defend yourself at least somewhere.

  • From the very beginning he was not like that. Then little things began to appear, like “why did you turn off the burner under the scrambled eggs, you need to put the kettle there now.” Then he began to quarrel with his mother about why she didn’t prepare dinner the way he liked it. I tried to persuade him, saying that he has me for this, and his mother cooks the way his father likes.

    Do you live with his parents?

    Everyone’s concept of “they don’t discuss it with their husbands” is different.. Some people can’t even discuss the size of his salary with their husband.

    Actually, this was your phrase, that’s why I asked you to clarify it. And in response, for some reason you began to argue that this concept is different for everyone

    In general, I think that the statement “I know this person” is impudent; sometimes people don’t know themselves.

    It seems that you have some kind of “sore spot” here, and you are hiding it behind abstractions

    Well, for example, here’s the definition from the dictionary:

    A dispute is a clash of opinions and positions, during which each side argues for its understanding of the issues under discussion and seeks to refute the other side's arguments

    Those. a dispute is not just a conversation between two people with different opinions, but a defense of one’s point of view

  • Do you live with his parents?

    They used to live, then they both died suddenly.

    And last time, in response to my question on this topic, I received abstract reasoning:

    It seems that you have some kind of “sore spot” here, and you are hiding it behind abstractions

    Maybe if you explain why it is necessary to accurately understand whether my husband was frank with me, I can be more specific. At the moment I don't quite understand what the sore point is. I already answered that yes, I believe that he was as frank with me as he could. I was probably more interested in him as a listener. He is generally more silent than talker. Is this bad or wrong? He listened, helped me with advice, but always spoke less than I did. I always thought that this was normal for a man. Plus, he always expresses himself very specifically, it’s not difficult to understand him, he doesn’t like to go around and around. He just rarely does it, that’s how he’s designed.

    Well, for example, here’s the definition from the dictionary:

    Those. a dispute is not just a conversation between two people with different opinions, but a defense of one’s point of view

    This means that I am interpreting this concept incorrectly. I used the wrong word. We had "conversations between two people with different opinions", sometimes turning into an argument. The key question, as I recall, was whether I considered argument to be an integral part of communication. Answer: no, I don’t think so.

  • Well, for example, some time ago he got angry if I talked on my cell phone at home. It happened like this: - who did you talk to? - you couldn’t talk to your mom at work? - no, we don’t approve of this, I don’t speak while driving, I’m afraid of getting into an accident - how long can you talk on the phone - I can’t refuse my mother, if she calls - you’re at home, that means you’re for me and the children. And this despite the fact that I hate talking on the phone, I prefer live communication and my conversations don’t last longer than those on duty - how are you? Everything's fine for now. As a result, I drove up to the house and called everyone from the car, and only then went home.
    The next example is that I can’t say that I don’t want to eat if the family sits down for dinner. The dialogue is like this - why don’t you eat? -I don’t want to - why? - I had lunch late at work, I was stuck - this is wrong, what kind of example are you setting for the children, you need to eat according to the schedule and on time - I don’t want to whine - that means I had to have lunch on time - listen, can I decide for myself when to eat? - no, you are setting a bad example, that the children will think that they can refuse and not eat if they don’t want to? - firstly, I’m not a child, and secondly, yes, I think that there’s nothing wrong if sometimes a person doesn’t feel like eating.
    Next. Friday, I don’t work, my youngest daughter asks to stay at home and not go to the nursery. I allow. Dialogue - why isn't she in the garden? - I allowed it, I’m at home today - why? - I want to take her for a walk, roller skate, spend the day together - what nonsense, let her go to the garden - why? - the child should know that she has responsibilities, she cannot skip the garden just like that - why? - this is correct - who decided this? - I - and I decided that it would be right to please the child, this does not happen so often - why did I decide without me - why burden you, you already have problems, I didn’t think that you would be dissatisfied.
    Next. You cannot leave food, uneaten bread or unfinished tea. Dialogue: why didn’t you finish your bread again? - I don’t want to - I need to finish eating - who needs it? I don’t, I’m full, it will be unnecessary - you’re doing this to spite me, you don’t finish your bread all the time - are you out of your mind? Am I leaving you bread out of spite? I have nothing else to do but think about how to annoy you, why? - then why do you leave? - I just don’t want to - it doesn’t happen like that, you have to finish eating, that’s right.

    Further. Can't turn on the light if it's enough for him, even if it's dark for me. I am very nearsighted, I need it to be constantly light, otherwise all objects float and I feel extremely uncomfortable. It is impossible not because it bothers him, but because it is wrong to turn on the light while it is light. It is useless to explain that light and dark are relative categories; everyone perceives light differently. It's bright outside - there's no need to turn on the lights. And at least shoot yourself.

    Here are some examples. Perhaps to some this will seem funny and unworthy of attention, but all together they are simply exhausting, you have to constantly monitor whether everything is done “correctly” so that there is no quarrel. In principle, I’m always in good shape, but sometimes you get tired and miss something, and then it’s hard.

  • Google "epileptoid personality type", uv. Author. Doesn't it look like your husband?
  • Maybe if you explain, Why is it necessary to understand exactly whether my husband was frank with me?, I can be more specific. At the moment I don't quite understand what the sore point is. I already answered that yes, I believe that he was as frank with me as he could. I was probably more interested in him as a listener.

    For nothing. I was just interested in your way of answering and talking abstractly about the fact that “everything is different for different people”
    Initially I was interested in your phrase:

    My husband was my friend for a very long time, who didn’t know everything about me, but much, more than husbands usually know.

    I concluded from this phrase that you and your husband had a very high level of trust and frankness - much higher than in an “ordinary” family
    Plus this phrase:

    He began to cross the line, saying things that he knows I can’t say, because it hurts me very much.

    It made me think that you and your husband shared some personal, intimate things that he now uses against you in quarrels
    I asked if my husband shared such personal information with you:

    Do you know your husband as well as he knows you?
    Or was it such one-sided frankness on your part?

    In response, I received reasoning that it is impudent to assume that you know a person, and you discussed films and work with him
    I made another attempt to clarify - and received a portion of reasoning and rhetorical questions:

    Everyone’s concept of “they don’t discuss it with their husbands” is different. Some people can’t even discuss the size of his salary with their husband. I meant that I could gossip with him, discuss the actions of one of my friends, a girl on the street or a guy, ask to buy tampons or birth control pills.
    Is the topic of my work distracting for him, where I have a problem, and he helped me solve it?
    Or did one of his friends make him angry and he complained?
    I already admitted that there was more frankness on my part, but it seems normal to me, considering that Men generally communicate verbally several times less often than women..

    As a result, I was perplexed - either I touched on a topic that you categorically do not want to discuss, or is this your usual manner of communication
    If the second option, then IMHO it is not surprising that after your attempts to “discuss the problem” your husband begins to freak out

    Added ---

    They used to live, then they both died suddenly.

    How long ago did my husband’s parents, uv. Ivanov, die?

  • I Googled it. There are very similar features. For example, pedantry, a high level of demands on others in the absence of the same demands on oneself, love of the established order, the ability to put everything in order, to simply state it.
    But there is absolutely nothing about him. I understand that epileptoids are sometimes cruel, jealous, and really like to lead. In childhood, teenagers are usually very difficult. This is not about him at all. He is not cruel, not jealous at all, and as a child he was a wonderful kid and an absolutely problem-free teenager. I know this from his mother, and she was a fair woman. I have known him since he was 20 years old, there were no outbursts of rage, which is what I understand most distinguishes an epileptoid, I don’t remember him raising his voice or laughing loudly at all. He is not subject to emotions, I already wrote here, he considers this shameful for a reasonable person, he has everything according to the rules, he does not break them. It’s even stranger what’s happening now.
  • I Googled it. There are very similar features. For example, pedantry, a high level of demands on others in the absence of the same demands on oneself, love of the established order, the ability to put everything in order, to simply state it.
    Demanding evidence in any situation (the spouse’s favorite phrase is “I need facts, not emotions.”
    But there is absolutely nothing about him. I understand that epileptoids are sometimes cruel, jealous, and really like to lead. In childhood, teenagers are usually very difficult. This is not about him at all. He is not cruel, not jealous at all, as a child he was a wonderful kid and an absolutely problem-free teenager. I know this from his mother, and she was a fair woman. I have known him since he was 20 years old, there were no outbursts of rage, which is what I understand most distinguishes an epileptoid, I don’t remember him raising his voice or laughing loudly at all. He is not subject to emotions, I already wrote here, he considers this shameful for a reasonable person, he has everything according to the rules, he does not break them. It’s even stranger what’s happening now.

    Then try searching for "anal fixation", the anal-retaining type. Just an obedient, problem-free child comes here...

  • Little in common. In the description of this type, the concepts “stingy and stubborn” prevail; my husband is neither one nor the other. There is no desire for total purity. If only punctuality, but this is not enough, it seems to me, to include him in this group. And he has problems with punctuality; I wouldn’t say that he is punctual. Plus his mother adored him, he was a very sickly child, it is unlikely that he would have been forced to sit on the potty for a long time.
    But I found a quote on a blog where the author talks about Freud’s stages, directly about him:
    "A rough draft... would present him as a very self-confident man, proud of his outstanding intellect, with avowed rationalism and a keen sense of reality, "unflinchingly honest." He may in fact be an honest man, or he may turn out to be a hypocrite. He an uncompromising perfectionist. Being himself very touchy, he can at the same time harshly criticize, be sarcastic, angry, show sharp irony and envy for the most insignificant reasons. Or, on the contrary, he can be overly cautious, trying to avoid any possibility of conflict. meaning" rebels against what he considers to be a product of the imagination: he is a "man of facts" and not of fantasy. He smiles condescendingly at people fascinated by mysticism, including the "unconscious" and dreams; but if only he will undergo a short course of classical psychoanalytic treatment, he is there he will begin to attribute prophetic meaning to slips of the tongue or slips of the tongue. Being a “man of reason,” he cannot even admit to himself his own superstition. His interest in art is superficial or feigned; his true fascination lies with mathematics, science, technology and the new world of electronic computing. Unlike the expressive, so-called hysterical type, he rarely has an artistic gift and experiences a noticeable lack of genuine charm and charm. His love interests are cluttered with hidden motivations and pretense."

    There are 80% matches here.

  • How did the husband survive the death of his parents, Mr. Ivanov? Is there a correlation between their death and the deterioration of your relationship?
    What kind of relationship did they have, can you tell me?
    Did you get along with them?
  • I took my mother’s death hard; she passed away suddenly, in her sleep. He wasn’t hysterical, but it was clear that he felt bad. He suffered his father’s death relatively easily, saying that the doctors warned him and he was ready (his father drank heavily). I don’t see a correlation; we were both very worried about his mother’s passing, and rather, we even became closer.
    He loved his mother very much, and she loved him too. He was the youngest of two children, he was very sick as a child, she pulled him out. The relationship with my father was strained due to my father’s alcoholism.
    My relationship with my mother-in-law was smooth and good, she was a wonderful woman, I miss her very much. We hardly communicated with my father-in-law, for the same reason as my husband.
  • Had a big fight with your spouse? Don’t worry, there are many ways to make peace with your husband and also get him to come first.

    The consequences of a quarrel with your husband are sometimes very difficult to eliminate: it can be difficult to get over yourself, through efforts to agree with your spouse, convince him of the opposite or agree on a common opinion, fight with the difficult character of your loved one, etc. In order to improve relations with your husband after you had a fight, there are many ways.

    However, a lot depends on some nuances: who is to blame for your quarrel, what the reason was and how large its scale is, whether there are witnesses to your swearing, what was said during the showdown, and much more.

    So how can you make peace with your spouse in various cases?

    If he's to blame

    Wait

    In such a situation, the husband needs to “step away” and collect his thoughts. Left alone with himself, he will analyze everything that happened and draw his conclusions.

    However, do not wait too long if your spouse does not cooperate (we are talking about silence for several days or even weeks). Perhaps he does not understand your thoughts, so he does not fully agree that he is wrong.

    Here you should take measures, because you don’t want your husband to leave home altogether?

    Give in

    Everyone makes mistakes. Neither you nor your husband are an exception. Be more reasonable: approach the conversation first.

    To create the right mood, don't think about his guilt. It’s better to remember something good from your life together, think about the merits of this person. In this vein, the conversation will be more calm.

    Cause jealousy

    Perhaps this way you will be able to force him to make peace first. But this method will be relevant only if your spouse notices not your flirting with someone, but the attention shown to you by the opposite sex. Otherwise, the situation may get worse.

    If it's my fault

    Romantic evening leading to an erotic continuation

    You must admit your guilt. If you are afraid of gloating on his part, as well as awkwardness on yours, then arrange a romantic dinner for your loved one. Here everything will be clear without words.

    Try not to return to the quarrel during the meal. Calmly ask for forgiveness, assure that such behavior will not happen again on your part.

    After a good time, a very good decision would be to give your husband an unforgettable night.

    A pleasant surprise

    It doesn’t matter whether it’s a radio-controlled helicopter or an ordinary chocolate bar. The main thing is that you are the first to make contact, and take care in advance to please him.

    After the spouse receives the gift, he may still have a bitter feeling from the quarrel that occurred, so apologies and regrets that you quarreled will not be out of place here.

    What to write in SMS after a quarrel

    It is always easier to write than to say. This is especially easy to do using SMS messages.

    Sincere words like:

    • “Please forgive me. I understood everything";
    • “I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry I offended you.”

    It’s very possible that your husband’s heart will be melted by a cool SMS, something like:

    • “Make up, make up, make up and don’t fight anymore, and if you fight, I’ll bite...” - a piece from childhood;
    • “He who is offended is a radish” - the keyword should be replaced with something that is relevant in your couple.

    However, MMS with erotic content is considered an almost win-win option. Surely your husband will not be indifferent to your photo in a sexy outfit and with the words that you are ready to atone for your guilt. Believe me, even after a strong quarrel it will be very difficult for him to resist.

    Note!
    The way to make peace using SMS will be relevant not only when you are far from each other. It can be applied even if the offended husband is lying next to you on the bed.

    What to do if the husband does not make contact and does not want to put up

    There are many options to establish contact with your husband, even if he does not want to talk. Here are almost win-win options:

    1. Invite guests or go to someone yourself. Let them be your mutual friends or someone’s parents, but not your girlfriends, otherwise he will start to get irritated on top of everything else. The essence of the plan is that often couples do not want to sort out their relationship in public, so they have to show that everything is fine with them. It’s actually a good idea to use this in some situations.
    2. Caress your husband at night. Spouse doesn't want to talk? Perhaps he will not refuse a gentle hug when you have already gone to bed. Kiss your husband on the shoulder, sigh, showing that you are sorry to be in this state (oh, yes - women are such actresses!). If you are not afraid of refusal, you can act more assertively: silently in bed, begin to caress your husband in order to move on to sex. During the process of making love, try to show all your desire to make peace with your loved one.
    3. Prepare something especially tasty for him. Perhaps it will be meat pies or some exotic dish - it doesn’t matter. The main thing is for the loved one to understand that all efforts were aimed at making him happy, in order to dissolve his resentment. A good option would be a request for forgiveness written on the food (for example, with cream on a cake), or a note placed under the treat.

    Important!
    If your husband does not want to talk to you, you should not ask someone to reconcile you. The fact that someone is interfering in your life may make them even angrier. Perhaps he will begin to be annoyed by the fact that you are taking all the “garbage” out of the house. Better find your own approach that will melt his heart.

    Does your husband want to get a divorce?

    So the reason was significant. Or not. There are 2 options:

    -You offended him greatly

    Now you need to make a lot of effort to correct the situation. First you need to talk frankly, even if your spouse is trying to ignore you.

    Tell him that you are fully aware of your mistake. BUT! Don't tell him he's ever done something like this. “Translating the arrows” will have a bad effect on your conversation.

    Open your whole soul to your husband: tell him how much he means to you, that you greatly regret what happened, promise that such situations will never happen again.

    A strong trump card here, perhaps, will also be your question about what else your husband is not happy with about you as a wife/woman.

    This may captivate him, and he will make contact, talking about how he would like to see you. Don't resist, take criticism calmly. Then promise that in the future you will try to listen to his wishes.

    — Your husband has long wanted to break up with you

    This reason seemed more or less suitable to him. In this case, analyze his behavior recently: was there any cooling on his part towards you, leaving home, “overnight at a friend’s”, “delays at work” and other moments that clearly hint at the presence of another woman.

    You can try to talk to him honestly, although men rarely admit to their betrayals. There are chances to keep him, but they are very few.

    The most important thing is to promise from now on to listen to all his demands and requests, because in this way he is trying to create an ideal woman for himself. Why resist?

    1. Be sincere. Your spouse should see the real desire for reconciliation in your eyes. Don't be shy to ask for forgiveness and admit your mistakes. Only this approach can melt the heart of the offended.
    2. Don't give up. If your efforts at reconciliation are unsuccessful, do not stop your efforts. Wait a while and try again. But this should be the exception rather than the rule, that is, it should be used in situations where the quarrel definitely did not occur over a trifle.
    3. Sex is the best solution. Nothing will reconcile two lovers faster than intimacy. Here you will experience passion again, and the release of hormones will improve your mood. But this method has a drawback - the nuances of the dispute remain unclear. If this is important to you, then you still have to talk.
    4. Don't go first in every case. Your husband should also sometimes take the first steps. Otherwise, he will get used to your initiative, and in subsequent cases he will turn all situations in his favor, so as not to approach and apologize to you first.
    5. Prevent quarrels whenever possible. And yet the best battle is the one that didn’t happen. If during a conversation you see that passions are heating up, it is better to start retreating. Please note that many conflicts could have been avoided if the correct communication system had been established. Men love affection and tenderness, not a commanding voice and a dissatisfied face. Also, do not try to “pull the blanket over yourself.” Let your man remain right today, and if later this turns out to be wrong, then let all the consequences fall on his conscience (just don’t gloat later).

    And in conclusion, I would like to wish both wives and husbands to treat each other the way they want to be treated themselves. This way, there will be much less quarrels among families, which often do not lead to anything good. Take care of your nerves – yours and those you love!

    Video: What to say to make peace

    
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