“When you really feel bad, no one needs you.” How to live if no one needs you

The state of depression is one of the most destructive. And, unfortunately, not so rare. It happens especially often in women. It is they who ask in terrible hours of loneliness: “How to live further? How to live if no one needs you? Maybe it’s better then not to live at all?”

And new love will help you forget him...

To be honest, this question is rhetorical. A person may not be needed by absolutely anyone in extremely rare situations. There is definitely someone on earth who needs to communicate with you. But you yourself reject this communication or underestimate it. “How to live if no one needs you?” - usually asks the one who suddenly realizes that she doesn’t need just one, but significant person for her. And it’s painful to realize this at any age: at fifteen and twenty-eight, at forty-five and sixty-three... In this case, only following the saying: “Wedge with wedge” can help. That is, at this moment you should shake yourself up and go to “capture new frontiers.” Fresh falling in love, new feelings, a new lover will certainly dull the pain and instill in the soul the understanding that the woman is once again loved, necessary, and in demand. And the question will be forgotten: “How to live if no one needs you?”

Male and female views on the problem of loneliness

But has anyone thought about why the question is formulated in this form: “How to live if no one needs you?”, and not in this way: “How to live if no one needs you?” Why do they suffer more acutely than men? But this happens most often because it is the fairer sex who project their entire inner world onto their chosen one. Men, in addition to love, usually have other priorities, such as career, friends, hobbies. This means that to prevent this from happening to you, you - a woman - must take care of yourself in advance. You shouldn’t “dissolve” in your loved one completely. You also need to provide yourself with a rear: lead an active lifestyle even after marriage, not be limited by family interests, not lose friends, have hobbies, strive for self-improvement, read, go to theaters, go to festivals and sports competitions. Under no circumstances should we allow ourselves to lose the meaning of life! There is nothing in the world more valuable than life - and you have been given it. This means that you are already the chosen one, and not of some ungrateful and unworthy mortal, but of God himself.

The death of a loved one is the most difficult test

Another question is when a loved one dies. This loss is difficult to accept, difficult to comprehend. It is especially painful when they lose children... A mother who devoted herself to her children, after their death, feels that there is now no meaning to life. But even in this situation, the tips suggested above help. It is easier to cope with loss for those who, in addition to children, had other interests in life: favorite work, hobbies, friends, creativity. But if life is already at sunset, and the woman has lost all the listed outlets, what to do in this case? Then we will use the “wedge by wedge” position. No, in this situation no one advises looking for a lover, although this option is not excluded. But there is such a way of “survival” as helping those who are worse off than you. Lost souls often find a way out in helping disabled people, abandoned animals, and those in need of care, affection, and love. Those whom you warm in difficult times will respond with such a bright response that loneliness will recede into the background. And now someone who really needs you will appear in fate. Love and may you be loved!

There come moments in life when a woman clearly understands: “Nobody needs me at all.” This is not a complaint to a friend or a complaint to your husband. This is her inner voice speaking, which means her thoughts are sincere, and the pain is enormous. The feeling of uselessness can arise regardless of age, financial security, number of acquaintances, or the presence of a family. At such moments, an emptiness forms inside, and you don’t see how you can improve the situation.

The germ of this sensation, as a rule, is formed in childhood. If the parents were too busy with their career or personal life and did not devote enough time to the child, he could not talk to them, consult - already at that moment he realized that no one needed him, and this feeling was firmly lodged inside. Then different situations can happen - job loss, divorce, and all these emotions come back again. If your problem has the same roots, try to analyze the situation. You know that your parents loved you. Perhaps they simply could not find a way to express their love, tenderness, care.

What to do?

In fact, there is a way out, and even more than one. First, do you really feel the need to be needed by someone? What does this need mean to you?

Many people live enjoying life, satisfying their own needs, fulfilling their own desires and being happy at the same time. These people are self-sufficient, they do not need the love of others, they do not need confirmation of their own importance. Some may call them selfish - but what difference does it make? In reality, the state of loneliness is inevitable. After all, sooner or later the children will grow up and move to their own home, and there is no guarantee that the partner will not fall out of love.

So the most important thing a person can have is to learn to appreciate and be grateful for the moments of loneliness that fate gives. After all, this is an opportunity to devote time to yourself, your interests, and development. All you need to do is use the opportunities that arise correctly.

If this option does not suit you, then there is another option - to become needed: take the first step, help solve someone’s problem, be there when they need it, develop yourself. The problem of a person who does not have good relationships with others may lie within himself. How many happy, cheerful people have you seen that no one needs?

At the same time, gloomy and withdrawn people do not evoke a desire to communicate with them, because with all their appearance they show that they do not want to make contact. A person who smiles always attracts others. It is not surprising - after all, it seems to those around him that he has no problems, and they want to join this atmosphere of carefreeness.

In reality, everything may be different: everyone has problems, difficult situations, issues that should have been resolved yesterday. But there are people who will never show by their appearance that it is hard for them. They know that problems attract new problems. Therefore, these people are always in a great mood - this is their habit. If you develop it in yourself, you will see how the situation will change.

A person's value to others is measured by what he can give them. This could be knowledge, attention, care, help. Take care of yourself, master your profession, acquire the necessary skills, and develop your talents.

If you have something to give to another, someone absolutely needs you. The issue may be that you want to be needed by the wrong people. In these cases, you need to be extremely careful - when you give endlessly without receiving anything in return, sooner or later there is nothing left. This is how this inner emptiness is formed, causing so much pain. This is where complexes, worries, and a feeling of uselessness arise. You need to leave such a relationship.

Absolutely someone else needs you - it's time to look around. Just don’t offer your soul to the first person you meet. Value yourself, and then the person next to you will also value you.

There are many people who need and care about support - both children and adults. There are various funds to help them. If you feel an urgent need to be needed, find out which organizations in your region deal with similar issues. They always need people. This way you will not only save yourself from inner emptiness, but also make the world a better place, and also find new friends.

When you lose a loved one

Sometimes terrible events happen, from which it is difficult to recover and it really seems that no one needs you. Sometimes dear and close people who were the meaning of life for us leave. There is nothing left to do but gather strength and move on.

Psychologists recommend finding an activity that can distract you for at least some time. It is very important not to close yourself within four walls, but to be sure to come out. Walking will help you come to your senses a little and realize that life has not stopped.

Olga, St. Petersburg

When it’s painful to even watch TV, and it’s also painful to look out the window, even if they show spring, if someone is nearby, it’s not at all the ones you expected to see in the role of a guardian angel or just someone who will talk to you. There is no need to help in any way - just be there, just promise that everything will definitely be fine. All the problems that are overboard will definitely be solved, but not now, a little later, because all this is tinsel. The main thing is what happens at that moment, when you skid on turns even within a small apartment, and it’s hard to even hold a cup in your hands. The main thing is to make it at least a little easier to breathe, react to sounds, smells and light, and open your eyes. And understand how day differs from night. Transformation of reality, no less.

It’s strange how many people want to go on vacation with you or go to a bar with an occasion, or better without it, because with you it’s fun, relaxed and just very good. It’s strange that all these people don’t understand that not all of life is a holiday, that on holidays you give them only that part of yourself that you don’t feel sorry for. Because she is not quite the real you. Or even not you at all.

People disappear in strange ways. And from all fronts - real, telephone and computer. And sometimes I start to worry about them: are they alive and healthy?! And then I understand that it’s not worth it. It is obvious that when you are of no use to them even as a sympathetic interlocutor on Skype for an extremely accurate, bright and, undoubtedly, very sparkling conclusion about the lunch eaten or about the appearance of who knows whose colleague, they forget about you. Promptly. And at such moments you begin to ask yourself how you manage to live in such a way that you always remain Chip and Dale in one person and fly to the rescue in the rain, in the snow, at one in the morning or at four in the morning, to a police stronghold or a hundred miles away. fifty kilometers from the city?! No one taught me this, no one said that this is exactly the right way. But leaving a person - a friend, an acquaintance, and even more so - someone who has become almost family and very close - this is not our way.

There are absolutely unexpected people next to you, even if not completely. For example, the director, with whom you previously discussed exclusively issues of new tenders, optimization of department expenses, suddenly informs you that if you need something at the pharmacy or in the store, just don’t be silent - he will go and bring everything. Myself. Just because it's human, it's right. Or your favorite editor and just a wonderful girl, who herself is just back from the hospital and who doesn’t care if she has to go across the whole city to “what to bring you this evening” and it’s never inconvenient.

Thank you, I really appreciate it. And I overestimate other things. It becomes much easier to separate the real from what is only covered by friendliness and participation in those moments when everything is fine. And it’s even completely painless. This is probably also why I’m going on my next vacation alone for the first time in my life. This way it will be more reliable.

This doesn't mean I'm against society. I still remain in him, not letting him near me. And I don’t destroy myself because someone doesn’t love me. I have no mental pain inside at all - just a little more physical pain - because this is happening.

Sometimes I just really want to change my phone number, so that instead of the usual long beeps or rare “subscriber is temporarily unavailable,” the handset says: “Such a subscriber no longer exists for you!” And don’t call again - the subscriber is fine without you.

It seems like I’ve already missed spring this year, because tomorrow, according to weather forecasters, winter will come. And okay. I still don't love her.

While you are truly, seriously so bad, no one needs you (parents don’t count, of course) - there is nothing to envy and gossiping about the disorder of your personal life due to too much intelligence or an extremely difficult childhood is also kind of inconvenient. So breathe out, humble yourself, calm down and just live. Everything will be fine anyway.

Feeling the fact that no one needs you arises in childhood, when your parents have no time for you, they have their own problems, work, personal life. You seem to be there, but they don’t notice you. There is no one to share your childhood joy with or ask for advice. And really get advice and understanding, and not another slap on the head and indifferent: “Go away, don’t bother me.” We carry feelings of uselessness and loneliness from childhood into adulthood. And when a guy leaves you at 18, you feel like the ugliest and most disgusting person you don’t want to be with. And when your husband leaves you at 35, everything simply collapses: “No one needs…”

All people the same. We all want to be needed, important, in demand. Being needed by someone is the most pleasant feeling that gives rise to joy, pride, tenderness, and many other positive ones in the soul. But what to do when it’s as if the whole world has conspired against you, and you feel so useless?

Suggestion and requirement

Need be in love and being loved is equally powerful, and it is impossible to choose just one. As children, we don’t think about this; we already love everyone by definition. But a child often demands self-love. He gets capricious, freaks out, stomps around, and does some unthinkable things. And all this so that we, adults, pay attention to him. A child’s affection is unconditional, you just give him attention, indicate his importance in your life, and you become for him the center of the universe, the most important person on earth. It turns out that everything is simple? Is it enough to offer a person your attention, and he will answer you in kind?

Kingdom of Crooked Mirrors

Unfortunately the world adults uncles and aunts is formed from children to whom at one time their parents were able or were not able to instill a sense of “need” in this world. Now the slightest neglect of your feelings brings to the surface childhood pain: “You don’t love me!” Uncertainty that people around you need you gives rise to low self-esteem, inability to develop your talents, a gloomy character, and even aggressiveness. And here it turns out to be a vicious circle! You don’t develop because you are sure that no one needs it, but you don’t need it because you are closed in on yourself and your problems, and you don’t meet people halfway.

Actually impossible force For another person to love you, you won’t be able to become necessary for him by force. Be capricious like in childhood and stomp your feet? No, I'm afraid this trick won't work. The world around you is people who are strangers to you, everyone is busy with themselves. And it’s not a fact that if you extend your hand to someone and open your heart, they will open theirs to you. Maybe he is just as sure that no one needs him, or you are going towards him on the wrong road. Do you always reciprocate attempts to please you? I bet you don’t even notice most of these attempts by those around you. What we give is what we receive? Sometimes it only seems to us that we are giving what a person needs, but in fact we are only satisfying our own egoism.

Step forward

Imagine that comes someone comes to you and says: “I want to be needed by you.” Everyone will have the same reaction to such a statement: “So do something for me to make me need you!” We probably have only one way out: start working on ourselves and our attitude towards people. Do you want to become needed by a person? Do something nice for him. Let it be just a compliment and a smile. People like to be approved of. Do you want to become indispensable? Do small “pleasures” for a person that no one would do for him in everyday life: prepare morning coffee, give him a foot massage in the evening, make sure he has a warm scarf or a ticket to his favorite concert. Do you want them to take an interest in your rich inner world? Have you already taken an interest in the inner world of another? Be more interested in people than they are in you. Let this be your selfless contribution to your own future “need”.

Silent as in a tank

Do you know what you need? fear? Imposing your care and attention on someone who really doesn’t need it. If a person neglects you, if not a single gesture of your attention has been reciprocated, is it necessary to spend time and effort on overcoming indifference? The best way out is to leave. Not in the literal sense, you can just stop putting your soul into useless relationships and direct your attention to something else. You can't always get what you give.

I can give you a thousand advice, and a hundred times to be open, wise and loving, but when you are deeply and painfully offended, the following firmly settles in your soul: “No one needs you.”

I recently read a simple history about a girl who was crying on a bench because her boyfriend left her. When the little one asked her why she was crying so bitterly, she replied: “Nobody needs me.” The boy looked at her in bewilderment: “No one at all? Aunt, are you sure you asked everyone?”
Life not finished yet. We really haven’t asked everyone yet...

Hello! I am 20 years old. I don’t have a best friend, I don’t have a boyfriend, and no one gives me flowers, invites me to the movies, or introduces me.
My parents and their friends say that I am very pretty and have a good figure.
Everyone goes somewhere to meet someone, they meet, and I come home after work and I want to go somewhere, but no one can, everyone has their own business, someone is going to the movies with a guy, or on a date, or to a birthday party, or somewhere else. I am alone and no one needs me except my parents. I just don't understand why this is happening? maybe it's damage or the evil eye? I do not know what to do:(
Support the site:

Alina, age: 20 years / 10/30/2010

Responses:

Alina, hello!
Where do you go? so they can get to know you? Only at work or at home?
You are 20, if you are studying, then attend some university holidays and events, try to communicate on the website of your university.
Are there dating clubs in your city? Our local newspaper gives similar advertisements... Read it, maybe someone is also looking for their soul mate, and you will like each other;)

Julia, age: 23 / 31.10.2010

Well, don’t think that those people who are “in great demand everywhere” are 100% happy because of this. I don’t know what percentage of them, but it definitely exists ;), after meetings/cinema/cafes, etc. come home and write in diaries that they don’t show to anyone: “yes, I have a lot of acquaintances, but I don’t know which of them should be considered friends and after gatherings with them my soul is still empty, maybe they’re all with me from -for money or for something else." Parents need you - already a lot. This is not damage or the evil eye;) and if you go down this dead-end road (suspicion of damage) you will lose more than you can find. Alina, in my opinion, you have become a victim of a misconception or some kind of pattern, like: someone should look after me, since I’m 20, or be friends with me, and this is how it should be, because... this is how it should be. But this is not so. Nobody owes anything to anyone. But you have the right to try to start communication with someone you like, try to find a common language, and you have the right to never give up or despair when faced with loneliness, but to accept it at least for a while. And one more thing: look for the root of the problem in yourself rather than in corruption, you will get to the goal faster), because sometimes those who complain about loneliness are actually happy with this loneliness, but the person is not consciously aware of it. Everything is in your power, really.

Alena, age: 28 / 31.10.2010

Well, if there is damage or the evil eye, then only the church, God and prayer can help remove it. But I don’t think that something very critical is happening. Very many at this age do not have a boyfriend (girlfriend), especially since you work. Participate especially no time. I think I’ll still have time. Maybe go to the dance. drawing or something else on the weekend or after work. Find friends with similar interests, and not just for show. In the meantime, you don’t have such friends and a guy, you realize that you’re saving yourself for a real relationship and haven’t wasted your time. The guy will definitely appreciate it, but you don’t need fake friends. Just think about what you’re interested in and go ahead)

Love, age: 31 / 31.10.2010

Alina, good day!
I am also 20 years old, and the problems are exactly the same - I have no friend, no girlfriend, no company, I don’t go to cafes, or to birthdays, or on dates. I was worried for a long time. Now I understand that the reason is not that no one wants to communicate with me, but that I myself distance myself from people who are not averse to communicating with me. Now I’m studying, doing what I love and trying to think less about it, and the problem doesn’t seem so acute. The reason is almost always in the person himself, his lack of openness, and not in damage and the evil eye.
I advise you not to despair under any circumstances, to focus less on loneliness and to look less at who goes where and with whom. Indeed, a good option to go to some holiday or event. Surely, a young man will dare and try to meet a beautiful girl :)
If it doesn’t work out once, it will definitely work out another time.
I have a friend who is a very modest girl. As far as I know, she hasn’t had any boyfriends for a long time. A couple of times her friends took her out for a walk, and soon she had such a guy that they all just gasped with envy :)
Good luck!

Maxim, age: 20 / 31.10.2010

Thank you all very much for your advice and support.
I'm so tired of everything...the monotony is the same thing every day. And I don’t like my job. I study part-time and we don’t have any events and we don’t have a website either.

Alina, age: 20 years / 03.11.2010

Hello!
I really wanted to answer you, because we are the same age.
Perhaps the reason for your loneliness is that you walk from home to work, from work to home... How do you walk? Fast? With your head down? With a gloomy, tired look? If so, then it’s clear that they don’t get to know you. And you try to smile at passers-by, look them in the eyes, try to be open to people. And go for a walk, go to the movies!
Your attitude towards yourself and your life is very important. More optimism!
I wish you happiness and good luck.
P.S. Another good option is to take an evening dance class.