You can not forgive your man the words of insulting relatives. I can’t let go of resentment towards my husband, forgive him for his past and learn to trust
Resentment is a feeling that destroys, harms emotional and physical health. A person who constantly warms up, nourishes and intensifies negative feelings in his heart cannot fully enjoy life, sees the negative all the time and lives in fear of repeated betrayal.
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In order to normalize the psychological state, restore joy and harmony in life, one should realize how dangerous it is to keep feelings in oneself and how important it is to learn to forgive.
- all pain will constantly grow, like a poison it will begin to corrode the heart, a lump get stuck in the throat, forcing to suffer;
- resentment provokes the development of cancer, so high mortality is observed among touchy people;
- living with a sense of resentment, a person sees enemies in all people, is afraid to trust someone again, therefore his personal life suffers;
- negative energy suppresses sunny and bright feelings - joy, love, faith and fidelity;
- resentment can be an incentive to take revenge on another, pushes to bad, rash acts.
- freedom and independence from the actions of others;
- getting rid of pain, anguish and low self-esteem;
- a state of lightness, the heart will be filled with joy, energy and positive feelings, with which it is much more pleasant to live;
- letting go of resentment, the girl will be able to more easily build relationships with others, adequately assessing people, without attributing to them selfish motives for communication;
- a less touchy person looks like a strong, confident and joyful person, therefore he attracts others more to himself.
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How to let go of resentment?
Letting go of a person and getting rid of all negative thoughts is not always easy. To throw off the burden of resentment and feelings, you need hard and high-quality work on yourself and your emotional state.
Steps on the way to forgiveness of insults must be taken consistently and then it will be possible to get rid of this oppressive feeling.
How to get a girl out of depression
Control over feelings
All sensations and thoughts that torment and disturb cannot be blocked and driven into your heart. It’s common for everyone to experience this, so it’s important to come to terms with it.
The only thing that will help to completely get rid of the feeling of resentment is time. Everything that happens to a person tends to end, so you need to go through a difficult period, do not make resentment the center of your life. Gradually, feelings fade away and the woman becomes easier.
Do not torture yourself and blame. Parting with a loved one, breaking up a relationship is not a reason to label yourself a loser or a bad person. Having lost a man, a woman does not lose her virtues, strengths and successes.
How to forget a loved one
Thinking about the consequences
Negative motivation has tremendous power in the fight against negative thoughts. It makes you think about what will happen if you do not let go of the offense, but continue to live with it.
A person motivated by negative motivation may begin to think like this:
Therefore, it is worthwhile to understand well what resentment is - a helper or an enemy.
positive motivation
A powerful weapon on the path to getting rid of a heavy load is a clear idea of all the benefits that will be possible if you quickly forgive the offense and let go. The main ones are:
Success in life accompanies those who have learned to ignore the mistakes of others and live a full life.
Dialogue with the offender
When a person begins to visit, and then constantly pursue negative thoughts and resentments, it is important not to succumb to emotions, but to continue to think sensibly, having understood the situation. It is worth analyzing the reason why the beloved could offend. Perhaps the man did not see something offensive in the words he said and did not notice that he had hurt his beloved. Or the reason is in education, the past.
If there is resentment, it is impossible to be silent. It is necessary to be the first to approach and talk with the offender, to talk about your feelings, having clarified all the misunderstandings.
You should not wait for the moment when a person himself realizes his wrong, comes up and asks for forgiveness.
An active life is the key to success
To forget your husband and remove the pain in your heart, you should not resort to alcohol, seek solace in food. You should learn to continue to enjoy life and pamper yourself: play sports, go to beauty salons, engage in self-development, start learning a new language or go on a trip.
After the betrayal of a loved one, pain and disappointment are easier to bear with people who can listen and support in any actions and decisions.
In addition to true friends who can console, it is important to have support. This is something that can give confidence, make you feel like a strong and meaningful person. For example, a favorite pastime, work or helping those who are in difficult and unpleasant circumstances.
Psychology notes that helping others is a great opportunity to help yourself take your mind off your own problems and let go of negative thoughts.
Everything that happens in life is an experience. However, it is important not to stay in the past, but to try to imagine what new, interesting things life can bring.
To completely let go of a person, you can write him a letter in which to express all the experiences, thank you for everything that was beautiful, and say goodbye. Then the letter can be burned or put on a boat on the water.
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Question to the psychologist:
Hello!
Perhaps my problem may seem rather banal and common. But if earlier I considered this phenomenon a common manifestation of female nature, now it is becoming a real obstacle in the successful development of our relationship with my husband.
We have been married for 1.5 years, we have been living together for 2.5 years, we have no children. I want to write a lot, but I will try to briefly describe the main problems.
1. I constantly think about my husband's past. He had a great first love that held him for a long time. And he lived with a girl, planned a family and did not use protection. Cheated on her with my first love. These two girls out of many others haunt me. I consider myself worse, although objectively it is not so. Particularly in appearance, I think I'm inferior. Plus, I am very hurt by the fact that my husband already wanted children from another, already shared bread, bed and shelter with her. And the fact that he exchanged all this for a "habit", as he explains it.
2. The husband had many intimate partners (at least 7). Some I know by sight. And the very thought of it sometimes turns me away from my husband. I don't even want to be hugged. It becomes disgusting for me to even kiss him, and even more so to let him in. As I imagine ... But I can not do anything. Sometimes I even specifically ask, although I know that it will hurt. He's freaking out. And I'm crazy that it is not recognized. But I can't restrain myself... I constantly think about them.
3. We don't have children, despite the fact that we try. I went through many doctors, he - none. He says that everything will work out, but the doctors are only pulling money. I can't do that anymore. The maternal instinct is generally aggravated against the background of the fact that I had three little godchildren in 2015 and often babysit them. At night I cry that I can not become a mother. And I really want to. Is it true.
4. It happens that I reproach my husband with the past, although I know that this is not right. But I'm breaking down. I'm sorry. But I can't live with it.
5. Often deceived. Lied to the eyes. Now, in general, everything is different, I have become homely and complaisant, but still I don’t trust. I can not let go of resentment for deceit and betrayal.
In short, I can say this: I love and cry. Don't let go, don't live in peace. How to let go of resentment? How not to climb into his past, if people from the past are on every corner? How to trust?
The psychologist Rozvadovskaya Irina Eduardovna answers the question.
Hello Anastasia!
You see your problem quite clearly. It's already good. You need to start with the fact that you clearly need to assimilate, understand, drive into your subcortex that being offended, jealous, carrying all this negativity in yourself, you cause great harm to yourself and your health !!! I don’t want to scare you, but I will give only a small list of problems that you can expect if you constantly carry negative thoughts in yourself:
Depression,
Mental disorders,
Headaches, migraines,
decreased immunity,
Diseases of the cardiovascular system,
Problems with the thyroid gland.
All problems are in your head. And the first thing you need to try to train in yourself is just to switch negative thoughts to positive ones. It's just willpower training. You feel that you are starting to “drive” negativity again, you consciously start thinking about something good - you remember the best day of your summer vacation (how good it was for you), remember a funny incident from life, etc. Find breathing exercises on the Internet, it helps a lot . Go outside for a walk, douche, etc. But you have to really want to think positively.
The way you described your situation speaks of low self-esteem. It also needs to be raised. But for this you need to know why it is underestimated, what happened and at what period of your life that you began to feel insecure. Such reasons can lie very deep, even in childhood and school years. To clarify all this, individual work is needed. You can contact a personal psychologist in your city or write to me.
You don't trust your man - WHY? The fact that he had partners, that he made plans with them, etc. is not the reason. This is his past. The reason lies deeper. It may very well be that you have a grudge against all men (someone once offended you greatly). And until you forgive that offense, you will look for flaws in all men. To do this, either analyze your life experience and understand who hurt you, or, again, individual work with a psychologist.
As for children, pregnancy may not occur due to internal psychological blocks. You yourself say that it is difficult to "let him in". That is, your body rejects him as a partner and father of your future children. Rating 4.94 (9 Votes)
At one recollection of the situation that happened to a man, who now lies on the soul with a heavy burden-resentment, it becomes bad. And the more you try to forget, the more emotions overwhelm you. The feeling of resentment against a man does not allow a normal life. He has been ex for a long time, the relationship ended long ago ... And the resentment against the man remained with you.
Why do thoughts of the past gnaw so caustically, holding tightly with their tentacles. They are suffocating. A lump in the throat, periodically arising, so treacherously takes away the air, and with it the strength.
Today, the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan accurately answers the question about the nature of resentment in any of their manifestations.
Why there is resentment against a man - and so it is clear. But how to get rid of it - you can figure it out in this article. We will not describe the stages of the formation of resentment, this will not work. It arises both suddenly and accumulating within us.
The psychology of resentment against a man
Resentment - it is resentment. More precisely - a feeling of resentment and injustice towards you. Anything can happen: betrayed, left one pregnant, stole a large amount of money, beat, verbally humiliated. If there is resentment, there is already a reason to deal with it.
The notorious “forgive and let go” flows like a river from the lips of psychologists, from articles about resentment, from girlfriends, mothers, friends. They suggest "learning to forgive." If it were so easy to forgive and let go, no one would have problems associated with resentment. No one would be offended by anyone. Everyone would live happily ever after. Alas.
Sometimes they are frightened by the inevitable psychosomatics, ineffective treatment with pills. Of course, there is a connection with health, but I still want to prevent problems in the future and understand how to cope.
There are tips to ridicule a man, to present your ex-man in an indecent way. "Apply" a sense of humor to him. Every offended person, most likely, tried to do it. Positive results are doubtful.
How to get rid of resentment towards a man
The answer is simple and easy to understand. See for yourself.
There are eight vectors, eight mental properties of a person. Each has its own characteristics. First, understanding and recognizing these characteristic properties in people, we have a different attitude towards the "offenders" themselves. Because we begin to understand that a person, be it a man or a woman, in this or that situation behaved according to his own, inherent nature, properties. Could not do otherwise. The irritation subsides. Resentment ceases to influence our lives, it is much reduced in manifestations.
Secondly, if we have an anal vector, then we have a strong memory and are focused in a special way on the past. We do not like lies and injustice, we are honest by nature.
Feelings of resentment and guilt are unique to us. Any distortion in the field of "truth-deceit" is a knife in the heart for us. And until justice comes, we will walk with resentment and wish harm to the offender. Revenge is the simplest form of leveling the situation, it is born unconsciously in response to a dishonest act.
And that is not all.
There is a visual vector. The sensitive area is the eyes. They are able to distinguish many shades of color, see and feel more subtly, sensitively and comprehensively. “An elephant will be made out of any fly” - this is what they say about people with a visual vector. The insult is small, but it is seen as the tragedy of a lifetime. Otherwise, they cannot see.
What to do? How to deal with a monster that interferes with life.
It is easy to imagine what a person looks like with anal and visual vectors. Resentments multiplied a hundredfold because of the ability to see problems larger in scale than they really are.
Moreover, you once had a close trusting relationship with a man, there was even love. The emotional attachment that remains in the memory, mixed with resentment, does not let you go.
With forced interactions with the former, it is important to avoid attempts to manipulate feelings of guilt and resentment on your part. And don't let a man do that to you. It won't lead to anything good.
Experiencing only constant annoyance and, perhaps, anger at all men, we unconsciously fear the repetition of history and find all sorts of tricks to avoid the emergence of new relationships. Not on purpose. Simply - fear of a repetition of pain. And so resentment presses, and then there is also the fear of repeating suffering, regret.
Resentment against a man will not allow you to calmly create new harmonious relationships. You may not notice how constant resentment against the man you broke up with will spread to relationships with the opposite sex in general.
How to overcome resentment? The psychology is this: to start using correctly in life the properties given by nature. Right means it's meant to be. This will give release from the negative state, because there will be no need to keep the past in mind.
We often hear that you need to start with yourself. All right. Only few people give specific and effective recommendations. There is only one step left to know yourself. Get acquainted with the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan. It will give you a full understanding of yourself and others.
Many women have tried life without offense and now feel great. They understood their ex-men, and the resentment dissolved. Here's what they say:
“... At the time of the first free lecture, I “babyed” with a severe resentment towards a man, from time to time she simply overwhelmed me, and the state was terrible, but after the first lecture, the resentment went away, the “incomprehensible” actions and words of a person, what drives him, became clear, and even after Yuri’s story, on the very first day I realized that my resentment, as they say, “is not worth a damn” in the eyes of that man, because of whom I ... was so upset, worried so much ... What? So funny! In general, I laughed at myself for a long time, almost the entire first lecture - until the morning!
The second one followed. Which cemented my achievement. It's such a relief!..”
“...Unhappy love and a terrible emotional dependence on one person brought me to the training in Systemic Vector Psychology. As well as depression and a sense of hopelessness, resentment towards parents and their unfortunate fate ....
... I got rid of my love addiction, I realized that that man was not urethral, as I first determined him from the articles, but skin-visual-sound. And that love is fear brought out, and it ends when there is no visual connection with the object of love. And indeed, everything passed. Moreover, I stopped suffering from the fear that I had missed my real destiny, my chance in life. In fact, there are a lot of such chances around the planet, just choose the right one)))) ... "
In the fast cycle of life, people often forget to pay attention to a loved one. Lack of attention is one of the causes of infidelity. Is it worth it to forgive the betrayal of a guy, a deceived girl?
At some point, it becomes known about the betrayal. In an instant it seems useless: work, study, a regular beauty salon. What has been worked so hard for is a waste of time. Pain, resentment and despair overflowed entirely.
What to do if the guy cheated? Do not rush to throw tantrums. Give free rein to tears, negative emotions come out with them. After calming down a bit, think about the current situation and the answer will come how to forgive the guy after what happened.
Analyze, perhaps the relationship has reached an impasse. Feelings of intimacy and gentle touches have long been forgotten. Joint walks faded into the background. If so, then the situation that has arisen is a prerequisite for changing something. Lack of interest instills a feeling of coolness. There are thoughts that you are no longer loved. In the hope of regaining his former feelings, the man goes to the left.
Perhaps the feelings faded, and the novel has exhausted its resource. There was a habit and resentment for the time and effort spent. It burns in my chest: "Why did this happen to us." Try something to divert attention from the tormenting thought. With reassurance, an understanding will come of how to forgive a guy’s betrayal. If there is love in the heart, much can be forgiven. Recall the verses of Liu Neli: "He who does not know how to forgive, he cannot love."
Betrayal is an intimate topic for reflection. What happened individually, in this situation, you should listen to yourself. And yet, is it possible to forgive the betrayal of a loved one?
Narcissistic nature
He is attractive, gives flowers, invites to the cinema. Here he is a dream guy, lady in love. Look closely at men, evaluate their actions. If he laughs at his friends, treats his relatives inappropriately, in the near future his beloved will become a victim. If a young man raises his self-esteem by humiliating other people, after the time has passed, when the distance in the pair becomes closer, the beloved will be next in line. Such people know how to cloud their eyes and be very courteous at the beginning of courtship.
Narcissists are extremely envious, they should own all the best and the lady of the heart too. To show their superiority, they constantly compete with someone. Without remorse, narcissists will change an annoyed partner for a more promising option. Should I forgive the betrayal of a guy in whose soul the idea lives to go left? Such people monotonously inspire their chosen ones that only thanks to his efforts she has reached certain heights. Under their strict guidance, she has changed for the better.
For the sake of profit, the narcissist will easily deceive. His opinion changes depending on the situation. With such a character, they are not able to love someone other than themselves. Any of their actions should bring satisfaction to their own ego. How to forgive a guy who cheated without remorse? For the sake of feeling calm, let go and walk away. Having let go of the situation, the “wings” will straighten out. The feeling of freedom will give new opportunities. After leaving the narcissist, you will understand how important it is to be yourself.
Serious relationship
A positive person, a wonderful romance and suddenly a casual relationship. Don't believe everything people say. Ask directly if there has been a betrayal. What to do if the guy cheated? Calm down and talk. Perhaps this trouble happened due to certain circumstances.
Nothing justifies infidelity. But if the traitor admitted a mistake, he was tormented by guilt, he will be ready for a lot for you. People tend to err. After weighing all the pros and cons, an understanding will come whether to forgive the betrayal of a loved one.
If a decision has been made to forgive your loved one, do not rush to tell him about it. Let him remember how to take care of his beloved. Let him seek forgiveness. Pause and then the understanding will come whether to forgive the betrayal of the guy. Do not show pain and resentment in public. With your head held high, walk towards life. Even the coolest groom has no right to break the principles of the bride.
True love will endure any trials. This life lesson will benefit both. The situation will teach you to appreciate the feelings of a partner and value relationships. Much can be clarified by the analysis of what happened. Probably, the young lady intensively took up a career or other concerns, forgetting about her lover. Young people accept the lack of attention as its absence. Learn to combine the useful with the pleasant.
Some believe that the offender should be punished by his own method. Do not stoop to a level that is disgusting. If you know that the young man is a real womanizer, think about whether you are ready to endure his adventures. Do not flatter yourself, such people do not calm down soon. Is it worth it to forgive the betrayal of a guy to whom initially there is no sense of trust. The decision is up to you.
If there was a betrayal because of love for another, do not humiliate yourself. No need to look for love where it is no longer there. Don't blame yourself for what happened. Just let him go, why tears and hysteria. It's a shame that feelings were not taken into account, there is an ardent desire to punish the offender. Calm down and look around, how many handsome men there are. Somewhere among them your destiny walks. Why waste time on self-torture. Put yourself in order, put on a beautiful outfit and go ahead to conquer new heights.
Let's look at the advice of a psychologist. Men are naturally polygamous. This means that intimacy with a stranger is possible, for this it is not necessary to adore her. Betrayal is a sport for many men. If love is sincere, going to the side will not change anything. In their understanding, deception on the side is simply physiology.
The psychology of a woman is different from that of a man. It's a woman's nature to be a mother. The representatives of the weaker sex feel sorry for animals, it is inherent in them to love and protect children. Foolishly, abundant care is directed to the beloved. Take a closer look at the behavior of heterosexual individuals in nature. The instincts of animals and humans are similar.
Be careful with your chosen one. Knowing the character of a young man well, it is easier to notice changes. If a young man is carried away by another, he may be betrayed by more thorough care for his appearance. Do not rush to reproach with suspicions, the scandal leads to a break. Do not forget that a woman is wiser and more enterprising than men.
A man loves with his eyes, but also with his ears and stomach. A smart partner will not allow another to take anyone away. If there is a worthy person nearby, do not let anyone destroy personal relationships. With love and understanding, each is able to keep a man. A good relationship in a couple is important for both partners. A strong union eliminates the question of how to forgive a guy's betrayal.
Nobody is immune from deception. There is no universal way to protect, but it is in our power to prevent a gap. Patience and example can build the future.
Some experts recommend clearly separating what we are ready and not ready to forgive. In practice, forgiveness is the place to be if you plan to be near the "traitor" in the future. You should not waste your strength and emotions on forgiving a man whom you will no longer see. Over time, hatred and negative emotions will go away.
What do you need to learn to do to forgive betrayal?
1. Learn to transform negative emotions into positive ones.
2. Understand what exactly makes your soul hurt.
3. Learn to be happy after betrayal.
4. Learn to think with your head, not with your emotions.
Separately, it is worth highlighting the work with self-esteem. Unfortunately, without this point it is impossible to start the process of forgiveness.
Betrayal often causes such negative thoughts:
1. I was wrong about him;
2. I should have given him more time;
3. This is also my fault, I should have apologized;
4. If mutual understanding reigned between us, he would not have changed me.
Remember that you are not directly guilty of betrayal. Each of us takes responsibility for our actions. We always have a choice. Treason and betrayal are extreme when a person does not want to do anything, when the consequences are not important to him, when he is driven by selfishness.
A few more important self-esteem statements:
1. Your significance in this world does not depend on the presence of other people nearby;
2. Being betrayed doesn't mean you're worthless;
3. You always have the opportunity to solve problems on your own, without the help of others;
4. You always make your own choice, and it doesn't matter what others think about it.
So, you thought carefully about whether the person deserves your forgiveness, worked on your self-esteem. Don't be surprised if your feelings change a little. Some women, after working on themselves, experience a feeling of rejection towards a man. As if a veil falls from the eyes.
If you understand that there is forgiveness, then start with difficult steps:
1. Stop accusing a man of betrayal;
2. Stop thinking that happiness will no longer knock on your door;
3. Stop thinking about what others will say about you, how they will appreciate your act.
We all strive for the same, happiness. From time to time, trouble knocks on every family and lowers us from heaven to earth. Putting on the scales everything that has been experienced and what is yet to be experienced, think about whether it is really worth deleting a person from your life because of one mistake? Do not look for excuses for his act, but change your view of the situation. If you decide deep down that you want to be happy, then you will definitely forgive your loved one. Try to fall in love with him again. Love him after this situation.
