Why does a small child act up for no apparent reason? A capricious child: why this is so, reasons, what to do.

Content:

Many parents have had to deal with an unpleasant situation when a child is capricious literally out of the blue: at home, on the playground or in a store. If this happens infrequently, then there is usually no reason for serious concern, however, when hysterics become permanent, mothers and fathers are forced to look for answers to the questions of why the child is capricious and how to deal with it. According to child psychologists, a lot depends on the age of the baby, and the whims of a child at 1 year old are significantly different from the whims of a child at 2 years old, and, therefore, they need to be dealt with differently.

Whims of a child from 0 to 1 year

Very young children usually show their internal state of discomfort with their whims. We cry and they seem to give the parents a signal that not everything is all right with them, because they still do not know how to speak, and the child’s whims are the only way to show that they are experiencing discomfort. Children's whims under the age of one year are most often a sign that:

• the child is hungry;
• the child is cold, hot or simply uncomfortable (scratchy blanket, too tight overalls, etc.);
• the baby is in pain;
• he is tired, but for some reason he cannot sleep.

A capricious child at 1 year old is a reason for parents to pay closer attention to the physical condition of the baby. If the baby is constantly capricious, it is best to make an appointment with a pediatrician who will help find out the cause of the constant whims. But the whims of a child at 1.5 years old can already indicate a completely different problem.

The whims of a child from 1.5 to 2.5 years

Children's whims directly depend on the age of the child. If in the first year of life the baby’s crying and hysterics signaled problems with his physical condition, then at 1.5 years the situation changes dramatically. The fact is that at the age of 1 year (plus or minus a couple of months), babies experience their very first age crisis, one of the manifestations of which is changes in behavior.

During their first crisis, children begin to experience an increased cognitive need, which stimulates them to break various rules. If the mother said not to go somewhere, the baby definitely needs to get there by any means, and the answer to another parental ban is that the child is capricious.

It’s quite easy to cope with the whims of a 1.5-year-old child, which are direct companions to his growing physical independence - you just need to remove some prohibitions. When a baby constantly hears a continuous “no”, he feels that his cognitive need is not being satisfied, and this makes him irritated.

Also, sometimes the reason for a child’s whims is a lack of understanding of why something is forbidden for him. Many adults cannot clearly explain to their baby why some action cannot be performed, and constantly repeat only a meager “no,” and it is natural that in response the baby only gets irritated and cries. If you talk to your child and explain to him at the level of his logic why this cannot be done, you can avoid it.

The whims of a child at 2 years old are most often an attempt to get what he needs at any cost. He wants a new toy, but mom and dad don’t buy it; the baby wants to go for a walk, but the parents say it’s time to go home; the baby doesn’t want to sleep, but they put him to bed. The result is hysteria and tears. Often, parents of two-year-olds turn to psychologists with the question “The child is naughty, what should I do?”, not realizing that in fact the answer lies in their own methods. Most often, the reason why a capricious child of 2 years old is trying to get his way lies in the fact that once upon a time mom and dad reacted incorrectly to the behavior of their baby and unknowingly began to indulge his whims. From here the baby gained confidence that everything can be achieved with tears. In fact, the only thing that can really be done in this case is to calm down and try to ignore the child’s whims. Very often, a child, seeing that tears and screams do not bring results, forgets about this technique and begins to invent new ways to achieve what he wants.

Whims of a child 3-5 years old

If a capricious child at 2 years old cannot yet be called a skilled manipulator, then in the absence of the correct reaction from the parents, he may well turn into one by the age of 3-4 years. When parents constantly indulge the child’s wishes and fulfill all his demands, just to stop screaming and crying, very soon the child understands that mom and dad can be manipulated. And very soon he turns into a real little tyrant. The main problem of this situation is that coping with a capricious child becomes more and more difficult with age, and sometimes parents have to resort to the help of a professional psychologist.

However, most often the reason for the whims of a child at three years old is the age at which the baby begins to feel like an independent person. At this time, children feel their own needs and desires for the first time, and cannot immediately get used to these changes, which is where their constant whims come from. They seem to oppose themselves to their parents, trying to do something to spite them, so psychologists advise parents to simply endure this moment. The age crisis usually goes away on its own within two to three months.

The whims of a child aged 4 years and older are most often associated with a protest against excessive parental care. Kids at this age strive to do everything on their own, without the help of mom and dad, so parental intervention and the desire to control every action of the child causes a violent protest in them, which is expressed in tears and hysterics. In order to cope with a capricious child, parents need to allow him to at least be independent in some way.

Another reason why children of any age can be capricious is a lack of parental attention. This often happens when mom and dad work a lot and often leave the baby in the care of grandparents, or when a second child appears in the family. The way out of this situation is to not forget about the baby and spend as much time as possible with him. If a child is capricious, what to do in each specific case must be decided, taking into account the age of the child and the family situation.

The appearance of a baby in a family is always a great happiness. When, after nine months of waiting, a baby finally appears in the family, he immediately becomes the center of everyone’s attention. Parents watch with trepidation how he grows hour by hour, how he learns new things every day and rejoices that they have such a miracle.

But gradually, as they grow older, parents begin to notice that the child begins to be capricious, his behavior changes, and this begins to worry the parents. After all, they are used to seeing a calm and obedient child.

However, children's whims are common by the end of 1 year of a baby's life. And today we will look at the whims of children, we will understand the reasons for this behavior and try to understand how to deal with it.

The whims of babies up to one year old

In order to delve into the essence of the matter, it is necessary to understand the psychological characteristics of babies before the first year of life. And here it is necessary to start from the very beginning so that the whole picture is clear.

1. The neonatal crisis is one of the most important stages in a child’s life; this is a crisis that manifests itself from birth to 2 months. This crisis is normal, and its main symptom is the baby's weight loss.
2. Infancy is the second important stage in a baby’s life, which lasts from 2 months to 1 year. This is the period when the baby communicates through his emotions. And during this stage, parents should spend a lot of time communicating with the baby. Despite the fact that this stage itself is divided into different stages, the baby’s main need here remains connection and communication with his parents. When a child cries a lot and makes sounds all the time, this is a sure sign that he wants to communicate. This crisis passes with the appearance of speech in the child.

These are the 2 main crises that occur in a child under 1 year of age. Now let's see if we need to worry and give seriousness to children's whims that appeared before 1 year.

Let's expand on the concept or what is whim?

Today, when we say whim, we mean all kinds of whims and stubbornness of a child, which is accompanied by screams, crying and the like.

Until the first year of a baby’s life, the appearance of whims is directly related to his discomfort or his basic needs not being received.

That is, when parents “complain” about their child, who is not even a year old, then we are simply talking about a misinterpretation of the baby’s discomfort. After all, the baby simply has no other way to communicate or convey to his family that he needs something. Think for yourself, because the baby has no vocabulary, gestures are almost undeveloped, and only by crying can he be able to attract attention to himself and communicate with others.

So, a child’s crying can have several reasons:

• The baby is just hungry, it’s time to feed him;
• Something hurts or bothers him. Most often it is colic or gas;
• It's time to change diapers;
• The child is cold.

No matter how difficult it may be at first glance to recognize a baby’s crying, after a few days the mother immediately begins to understand the reason for her child’s crying.

If you make sure that the baby is fed, the diapers are clean and he has no gas, and yet he continues to cry, then he probably has some kind of illness. Therefore, it is necessary to consult a pediatrician.

And starting from 3 months, the baby’s gums begin to swell and teeth are cut. And all this is accompanied by crying, anxiety day and night. So, if you see that the baby is trying to pull everything that comes into his hands into his mouth and he has profuse salivation, then you can be sure that his teeth are bothering him. And even the fact that the teeth themselves will appear in 2 months, in most cases the “whims” are still connected with this.

No matter how strange it may sound, for children, especially for babies under 1 year old, strict adherence to the daily routine is the most important. The regimen itself concerns both feeding and sleeping, walks, various games and activities.

If a child has a routine, but for some reason this schedule is disrupted, this can cause an acute reaction in the baby. This is precisely what explains the fact when, after some festive event in which the child was very happy and having fun, suddenly at the end he begins to become whimsical, cry, restless and irritated. The fact is that it is very difficult for children to tolerate nervous strain at the age of 10-18 months. And with the help of tears they are simply trying to relieve tension. After all, the whole festive atmosphere: noise, new, unfamiliar faces, bright lights, loud sounds and the like are a source of stress for the baby. What to do in such a situation? Never scold your child for anything. In this state, he needs your attention, care and love.

Rock him in your arms, hug him and hold him close to you, you can carry out procedures that he likes, bathe the baby (after all, warm water itself can calm the nervous system), give him a massage, etc. This way your child can calm down easily.

The most important thing is to understand that you should never scold a child, fall into hysteria and start yelling at him. After all, when your baby cries, he simply needs your love and understanding.

Children's tantrums

Such unpleasant phenomena as hysterics in a child can be observed in cases where parents choose an authoritarian parenting style and often impose prohibitions on the child. However, parents must understand that the baby has a natural interest. After all, for a year he was “locked up” in his playpen or stroller. Every day he saw the same thing, and now he can crawl and explore more and more things. Every day he expands his horizons, everything is new and interesting for him. And although many things around him can be life-threatening, the baby himself does not know or understand this. And since he doesn’t know what danger is, he not only looks, but also wants to touch this or that object, feel what it tastes like, and the like. And then, with horror and screams, the parents attack the child and roughly take the object from his hands. This reaction of the parents is not only incomprehensible to the baby, but also causes a response in the form of whims and hysteria. After all, he has no other tool other than screaming and crying to express his discontent and indignation.

Such a reaction, or as parents often mistakenly call it “hysteria,” is nothing more than a call to allow him to satisfy his natural need: to know the world around him. When the baby has already seen that there is so much new stuff around him, it is unthinkable to calm him down with the help of old toys or by returning to the playpen.

Of course, the safety of the child is the most important thing and therefore, as the baby grows up, you need to think about how to safely satisfy your baby’s natural need to understand the world. To do this, remove from places accessible to the baby all those objects that can harm him. Let there be only those objects around him that the baby can touch, taste, without causing harm to himself. A small renovation in the apartment will give your baby sincere joy and a lot of pleasure and you will forget about the baby’s whims or hysteria.

The most common problem and whim in children is the whim of evening sleep. It’s already time for the child to sleep, but he wants to eat, drink, play or watch cartoons. Yelling won't help matters here. An excellent solution would be to develop special “rituals” that will signal to the child that bedtime is approaching: for example, watching the program “Good night, kids” and the like. And another great way is to remove all active toys an hour before bedtime and stop the child’s active games.

This is not an easy matter or learn to speak

Another very common cause of childhood irritability is difficulty learning speech. The baby grows and develops, he learns new things every day, he can already do a lot of things, but, unfortunately, his speech does not develop as easily and simply. He begins to hum, makes sounds, stretches out his arms to convey his emotions, but those around him cannot understand him. And then the child again turns to the already working method: whims. In this case, a child’s whim may manifest itself as a refusal to do usual things (reluctance to bathe, indignation and protest against the potty, etc.). In other words, it’s as if the child has been changed and now everything that he loved to do causes irritation, whims and hysteria in the child.

As is already clear, this is not a whim, but a cry for help, a kind of hint to parents. After all, the child gives a signal that he wants to speak, but cannot. And in this case, it is impossible to show aggression or violence. Take a closer look at your child and then you will find the reason for his whim. After all, it is likely that during the last bath the water was hot, and this discomfort left a mark on the baby. There can be a lot of options, so it is important to be patient and study the reasons for your baby’s behavior. Some time will pass and the baby’s habits will return to their previous course.

Children's whims and adult behavior

No one is pleased when a child begins to be capricious, throw a tantrum and behave horribly. This behavior in a child causes parents to lose self-control and they want to quickly force the child to stop his whims. However, one must understand that a child’s whim is a cry for help. And by doing this, the child expects his parents to rush to his aid.

Dear parents, remember that your child’s whims are not just a disgrace. This is the only available means by which a child calls his parents for help, and since he is not understood, he fills his “arsenal” and crying, roaring, screaming, biting, pulling hair, and the like are already used. But there is one point: if such behavior produces results and the child achieves what he wants with his whim, then such behavior is reinforced in him as the only correct way to get what he wants. And the child will consider such behavior to be the norm and will solve all his problems with whims.

Of course, everyone understands that this cannot be allowed. Therefore, you need to respond to the child’s whims and show him that in this way he will not achieve anything. And if you respond correctly to the child’s whims, he will begin to change his behavior.

Let's look below at the basic patterns of adult behavior that cause whims in children.

1. There are situations when you simply shouldn’t pay attention to your baby’s whims. In some cases, this may be the best solution to the problem. After all, it is often easier for a child to calm down when there is no one nearby. Since often the presence of people nearby who try to calm him down or feel sorry for him only gives a backlash and a new wave of whims begins.
2. Many parents mistakenly believe that the more attention and love they surround their child with, the less capricious he will be. But in reality, everything is exactly the opposite: those children who are overly cared for and loved become capricious. Of course, a child needs parental love, affection and care. But, as psychologists say, it is necessary to observe moderation in everything. You can't go to extremes. It is necessary to convey to the child that parents have other responsibilities and they cannot sit hugging the child all day.
3. The next extreme that “spoils” a child is unlimitedness and permissiveness. As psychologists say, from early childhood every child should know what words like “impossible” and “no” mean. These words will become an incentive to discipline the baby later. When your child knows these words, he is much less capricious and throws tantrums. After all, he knows that if mom said no, then no matter how much you cry, no remains no. The main thing here is to be persistent and not give in to the child, otherwise these words will be a simple sound for the baby.
4. Excessive attention from adults - the child needs to play alone or communicate with peers using gestures and smiles. If a mother or another adult is next to him all the time, then this can also lead to children’s whims, because the obsessiveness of adults pushes the baby. It will be better if you communicate with other mothers during the walk and allow the child to enjoy the walk himself or “find a friend” from the next stroller. Naturally, it is important to observe moderation here, since the child cannot be left completely alone. Without the attention of an adult, a child may develop unwanted psychological problems or this may negatively affect his emotional state. And in this case, he will have whims with which he will try to attract attention.
5. Parental inconsistency is one of the most harmful phenomena for children. If mom says one thing, and dad says something else, and at the same time grandparents say something else, then the child has problems adapting to the world around him. Or he begins to try to adapt to everyone. In order to avoid such undesirable consequences, it is necessary to agree on key points in raising a child. And if something was possible yesterday, but today it is not, then you need to explain the reason for the change to the child. After all, he can understand everything on an emotional level, despite the fact that he is very small.

In order to properly raise a child and not provoke his whims, you need to be persistent and follow the above tips.

One last thing

To properly raise a child, parents must first of all be attentive and consistent themselves. No matter how hard it is, you cannot give in to the whims of your baby. If they said you can’t do something, then you can’t do it!

But at the same time, you can’t overdo it. If you are strict with your child all the time, he will close himself off from you forever.

In order for your child to be calmer, you need to spend more time walking. In addition, it is important for them to draw up and adhere to a regimen. In addition, do not forget that if there is a turbulent atmosphere in the family, this cannot but affect the child.

If your child does something new, or something good, then you need to praise him for it. Show your baby that he is important to you. Let him see that you are attentive to him and his successes. And soon you will see how your baby’s behavior changes and how calm, kind and, most importantly, without whims he becomes.

Daytime nap

Hysterics

Children's whims are perceived by society quite tolerantly - he is small, and when he grows up, he will understand! There is some wisdom in this, since the nervous system of babies really undergoes significant changes in the first years of life; with whims, a baby can “signal” to others his fatigue, tension, dissatisfaction, disagreement with something, his poor physical condition if he is sick.

However, an overly capricious child can undermine the nervous system not only of parents and others, but also of himself.

The famous children's doctor Evgeny Komarovsky tells what to do if a child is capricious, and whether it is possible to correct his behavior.

Where do whims come from?

If a child often freaks out and is capricious, there may be several reasons for this:

• He feels unwell and is unwell.
• He gets overtired and experiences stress (especially if his whims recur in the evening).
• He is poorly brought up, he throws tantrums because he is used to getting what he wants this way.

Dr. Komarovsky believes that any excessive manifestation of capriciousness is aimed primarily at parents. If the baby has spectators who are affected by his hysterics, he will use this “weapon” every time he needs something or something stops suiting him .

The reasonable actions of parents in this case should be to ignore - a baby who has been denied the opportunity to get his hands into a hot oven or plunge a cat into the toilet can scream and be indignant as much as he wants, mom and dad must be adamant.

It is advisable that all family members, including grandparents, adhere to such tactics. Komarovsky emphasizes that children become tyrants and manipulators almost immediately after they realize that with the help of hysterics they can achieve what is forbidden to them.

Age whims and hysterics

In its development, a child goes through several stages of psychological maturation. The transition from one stage to the next is accompanied by the so-called age crisis. This is a difficult time both for the baby himself and for his parents, since not all, but most children, age crises are accompanied by increased capriciousness and even hysteria.

2-3 years

At this age, the baby begins to recognize himself as a separate person. A period of denial begins, the baby strives to do everything the opposite, becomes stubborn and sometimes capricious for any reason. He seems to be testing the strength of those around him, testing the boundaries of what is permitted. That is why a capricious child at 2 or 3 years old is not at all uncommon. Many children's whims at this age could be avoided if children at the age of 2-3 were able to express emotions well in words. But the limited vocabulary of such a child, as well as the inability and lack of understanding of the principles of describing one’s feelings in words, lead to just such an inadequate reaction.

6-7 years

At this age children usually go to school. A change of team, a new daily routine different from the kindergarten one, and, most importantly, new demands from parents, often depress the child so much that he begins to be capricious and hysterical in protest. The most pronounced hysterics occur in those children who began to practice whims at the age of 2-3, and the parents failed to normalize the child’s behavior in a timely manner.

Whims in infants

In infants, whims, as a rule, have good reasons. The baby does not take the breast, is nervous and cries in the first months of his independent life not from harm, but from unmet needs or physical discomfort.

To begin with, Komarovsky advises making sure that the child has the right conditions for healthy growth - his room is not hot or stuffy.

Often, a baby can be capricious from lack of sleep or vice versa - from excess sleep, from overeating, if parents forcefully feed the baby not when he asks to eat, but when, in their opinion, it is time for dinner. Overeating increases the frequency and intensity of intestinal colic, which causes a lot of unpleasant physical sensations. As a result, the baby becomes capricious.

Quite often, whims accompany the period of teething., but such attacks of crying and whining are temporary, as soon as the child’s condition returns to normal, everything will change, including behavior.

When to see a doctor

Most often, parents take their capricious, disobedient and hysterical child to see a pediatrician with this problem at the age of 4. Until this age, they justify children’s “concerts” by early age-related crises, individual behavioral characteristics, the child’s temperament and other reasons. However, according to Komarovsky, at the age of 4-5 it is already quite difficult to solve a neglected pedagogical problem, which undoubtedly exists.

Parents should be wary of certain features of the child’s behavior during the active phase of hysteria.

If the baby makes a “hysterical bridge”, in which he arches his back and extremely tenses all his muscles, if he experiences holding his breath with loss of consciousness, for her own reassurance, it is better for the mother to show the child to a pediatric neurologist and visit a child psychologist.

In general, the physical manifestations of hysteria in a child can be different, including convulsions, clouding of consciousness, and short-term impairment of speech functions. In some cases, such reactions may indicate not only the child’s sensitivity and temperament, but also certain diseases of a neurological and psychiatric nature. If in doubt, go to a specialist doctor. If nothing else happens other than holding your breath while yelling, Komarovsky advises dealing with this simply - you should blow in the face of the hysterical person, he will reflexively stop yelling and take a deep breath, breathing will return to normal.

Do not place excessive demands on your child. His inner feeling that he will not cope with your expectations, resistance to demands that he cannot yet fulfill due to his age, cause a response that manifests itself in hysteria and childish whims.

Follow the daily routine, make sure that the child gets enough rest, does not get overtired, and does not spend too much time at the computer or in front of the TV. If a child has a tendency towards increased capriciousness, the best leisure time for him is active games in the fresh air.

Teach your child to verbalize his emotions and feelings. To do this, from a very early age you should show your child how to do this and regularly practice simple exercises. “I’m upset because I can’t draw an elephant,” “When there’s a thunderstorm, I’m very scared,” “When I’m afraid, I want to hide,” and so on. By the age of three or four, this will help the child form the habit of speaking in words about what he needs, what does not suit him, and not throwing tantrums with screams and screams.

If they can steadfastly withstand the first stage, when they need to ignore the hysteria, without showing that it in any way touches the adults, then soon there will be silence and harmony in the house, the child will quickly remember at the reflex level that hysteria is not a way out or a way, which means it doesn’t make the slightest sense.

Work out a system of prohibitions and make sure that what is prohibited is always prohibited. Any exceptions to the rules are another reason for subsequent hysteria.

If a child is prone to violent hysterics, banging his head on the floor and walls, it is necessary to protect him from possible injuries. If we are talking about a child 1-2 years old, Komarovsky advises limiting the hysteria within the playpen. If an attack begins, you should put the child in the playpen and leave the room for a while. The absence of spectators will make the hysteria short-lived, and the child will not physically be able to harm himself in the playpen.

Every family has children are capricious in your own way: someone screams, some start to roll right away hysterical, falling over onto the floor, throw small objects located at hand. This, of course, depends on temperament and emotional state of the child, but the general situation in the family also has a significant effect.

Why is the child capricious?

The reasons may vary. By the way, there can be several of them at the same time, for example, the baby did not get enough sleep, and at home mom and dad are constantly quarreling. All this leaves an imprint on the baby’s condition, gradually weakening his nervous system. Therefore, before trying to bring your child out of negativity, take into account that for some time you will notice the following conditions in him:

• The child is capricious and very whiny. Just a little bit - immediately into tears.
• You want to call him the most capricious child years very often.
• Child May be lethargic and moody for a long time.
• Manifestation disobedience also says about the child's capriciousness.
• Capricious spoiled child will behave accordingly, you only need to catch and record this fact, and also find the reason.
• Child Very nervous and wherein capricious.

Each state, like a brick house, is laid from the foundation, and various factors precede whims. Their effect is enhanced by the fact that they accumulate and, like a snowball, fall on the parent out of the blue. Where to look for the reasons for children's whims? Let's figure it out.

Capricious child and reasons

First, you need to understand reason any manifestation caprice. If suddenly in a store a child demands any sweets or toys, then you should not buy them and try to indulge him in this. Even if he fell over on the floor.

But if the baby wants to take the initiative in something, for example, to walk next to you in the store rather than sit in the shopping cart, tie his shoelaces or comb his hair himself, and the parents are in a hurry, then in this case the patience of an adult is required. There is no need to limit a child from trying to do something himself. Otherwise the cause of the whim It may become a banal desire of a child to do something without a parent, testing his strength and believing in himself!

The formation of whims can begin with ordinary situations. The child is capricious:

• After illness;
• After vaccination;
• After a bad night's sleep;
• After kindergarten.

Nervous capricious child after visits kindergarten He can drive his parents crazy, without even understanding what he wants. In this case, you can simply hug the baby and kiss him. Your hugs will work better than all words and moral teachings. As a rule, after the garden he feels insecure and demands your attention to himself only for the sake of hugs and the feeling of an elbow. But he himself is not able to explain it. Your task is to create a favorable environment.

How to raise a capricious child

In the event that the baby is just getting ready be capricious, no need to get hung up on this and try to distract show him a beautiful bird on a tree, or a picture on a billboard, and offer him something tasty. Try to give him his favorite toy, which it is advisable to take with you on the road, so that the child is distracted and no longer remembers his persistent desires.

If you can’t switch it to something else, you can temporarily don't react to his scenes, try to focus your attention less on it. After all, some children like to roll scenes of whims to the public, and when no one around them pays attention to them, they become quiet. In any case, don’t worry about what others think; the main goal is to establish relationships with your child.

On the advice of psychologists, you need correctly apply certain tactics to a child and stick to it from the very first whims, do not allow yourself to say “no” today, and “yes” to the same reason tomorrow. Otherwise, the child will often make a scene with the help of the child so that the parents will comply with his request.

If a tantrum suddenly occurs, it is important to talk to the child at this moment quiet, without sudden movements and raising your voice, calm him down with your hugs and warm words. The depressed emotional state of parents also affects the child negatively. Remember that you have no right to demand joy on your baby’s face if you yourself radiate only negativity.

Unlike an adult, the child cannot control his emotions. Even a newborn baby reacts by crying if his mother is emotionally disturbed. Likewise, when growing up, children feel parental anxiety, see behavior, hear rudeness, tactlessness, and the baby can live even longer because of this. act up, or even worse - throwing tantrums. It will be even worse if his parents start scolding him. In this case, it is better to remain silent or calmly tell the child that he is very upsetting his parents.

It happens that children regularly behave badly from lack of adult attention to them. Try to make time for your children, take a break from gadgets, play active games with your children, read books with your child, and do interesting crafts. Undoubtedly, the manifestation of love, attention, affection and care by parents to their child makes him calmer and more confident. After all, very often in dysfunctional families, children feel unneeded, they are wild, ill-mannered, due to the lack of attention and care of their relatives.

Also, do not blackmail your children. Under no circumstances should you tell them: “If you don’t shut up, I won’t love you,” and so on. In this case, the child may begin to lie. Some parents make the mistake of constantly making comments: “Don’t sit like that..., don’t do that, don’t say that.” You need to use a more positive method: “Let's try to sit like this... and this can be done differently, for example, like this...” and stuff like that.

When the child stops being capricious, you need to calmly explain that his behavior has greatly upset you. You should reassure your child that you love him very much and hope that he will behave well in the future.

How to raise a spoiled child? The question is a mystery, one might say. It depends on how and who spoiled him. In any case, this cannot be done without persistent resistance on his part. You should be patient and stick to your line. If he was spoiled with a long sleep at his grandmother’s dacha or with a bunch of sweets, or maybe he was not allowed to perform the duties of washing dishes recommended by his mother, of course, when he arrived home, he will not want to do anything. It's so convenient. And you will need to change this opinion from the point of view of the need and importance of his help for the home. And reprimand the grandmother and give an example of how her “help” turned out to be “by the way.”

Before you start raising your baby by using force or loudly discussing his behavior with friends on the playground, calm down. If possible, read books on child psychology. There is no need to delve into the jungle of science; there are popular books in which everything is clearly and clearly described.

Useful video

Famous Dr. Komarovsky will tell in his program about children's tantrums and handling a capricious child. Will tell you what to do and how to react correctly:

Results

Whims are like a litmus test for your relationship. They appear when something goes wrong. Your task is to identify changes, find the cause and the necessary measures.

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All the whims of children are the result of the activities of their parents. A capricious child is a small omission in parental upbringing. Only parents allow their child to be capricious, sit on his neck, and get his way through hysterics, whining, and threats. The child may throw his head back, bang on it and burst into tears.

How parents raise and build relationships with the baby from birth will determine how he will constantly behave as he grows up.

Children can be capricious depending on their temperament, their emotional and physical states. The whims of a child at different ages depend on this (at 1 year, 3 years, 8 years): the baby pouts his lips, cries a lot, throws everything that comes to hand.

The child is capricious for various reasons. In different years, children have new desires and demands. Why and it is necessary to react to this differently. Agree, the whims of a one-year-old child and a 3-year-old baby are very different.

An overly capricious child brings a lot of inconvenience to parents, gives them no rest, constantly makes mom and dad blush in public places, or forces them to react to whims by screaming.

Many parents wonder why they cannot stop the whims of their child at 2 years old and at 5 years old. It would seem that the baby is growing, and doing anything with him is becoming more and more difficult. And every year the baby behaves much worse than the previous one, is capricious with renewed vigor.

Parents are looking for answers to many questions: how did it happen that the baby began to act up; what needs to be done to overcome this; how to cope with a child's whims. Today we will try to sort out these questions.

What to do if your child is capricious

Rule #1

All parents need to remember this rule: establish the main cause of whim, anger, why the child is nervous and how to deal with it.

If a child has his eye on a toy in a store and starts screaming, demanding to buy it urgently, this is a baseless whim. The baby is just capricious and that’s all.

If a child unexpectedly decides to tie his shoelaces himself, and the mother is in a hurry and does not allow the baby to do it on his own, and the baby begins to insist on independence, throws his head back, screams, hysterics, then in this case the mother, that is, the adult, is entirely to blame .

It is quite normal that the baby begins to do something on his own, this is very good. You just have to be patient a little - and there will be no nerves, no crying, but only a positive and productive result.

Rule #2

When everything is just brewing, try to immediately distract the baby with something. Feign surprise, say whatever you want, just so that the capricious child instantly switches to something and forgets about his intention to be capricious.

If a capricious child is still adequate at such a moment, then he will easily react to an outside comment or action and will quickly forget about what he wanted to do.

Rule #3

If the baby does not respond to your trick, then you should try leaving him alone for a short period of time and not reacting to his whims.

Usually a child is capricious in public and calms down very quickly if no one reacts to him, because there are no compelling reasons for this. The baby just wants to attract attention: he throws his head back, screams, whimpers.

In such a situation, you just need to be patient and not show excitement. When the baby gets used to constant attention, he begins to take advantage of it, and the fact that no one reacts to him will confuse him, and he will calm down.

And you shouldn’t assume that if the baby is 2-3 years old, 5 years old, then this is a real manifestation of feelings and emotions. No. Children even at 3 years old, 6 years old are already very good manipulators who are aware of this.

Don’t panic or be nervous if strangers see the child’s whims and there seems to be no reaction on your part. The opinions of strangers are not important at all.

After all, the relationship that will exist when the baby grows up is much more important than what strangers will think about you for 5 minutes. And believe me, many outsiders understand your behavior perfectly, and few will condemn it.

If the whims are gaining momentum - the baby bursts into tears, throws his head back, blushes, begins to choke, then you need to start addressing him quietly, without emotion, affectionately. Calm the baby with gentle words, but do not succumb to his provocation, especially when he is whims for no particular reason.

Rule #4

Psychologists advise parents to decide on the tactics of their behavior during the whims of the baby, and always stick to it if the baby starts his “concert”.

By acting on this principle, parents will be able to temporarily insure themselves against unpleasant situations in the future. The baby has been living at home with his family for many years, and only here does he go through his first conflict situations.

If a baby (no matter how old she is) manages to achieve her goal through whims, then this method will become his favorite. After all, what could be simpler: throw your head back, scream a little and that’s it, you’ll get what you want. And when parents understand this, it will be too late. The baby will be uncontrollable, and it will be difficult to get everything back.

This is the main reason why whims happen again and again - the reaction of parents to them. From the age of one, the baby should be taught to your reaction to his hysterics and anger, then he will very rarely use this method of satisfying his desires, especially in front of other people. And then it won’t even occur to him to throw his head back and throw a tantrum.

Under no circumstances allow yourself to lash out at your baby in response to his whining or whining. How to deal with them? - There is only one way out. This is peace. Develop a reflex in yourself - to respond to whims only with calmness. Your screaming and slapping will only make the situation worse.

In this state, the baby will not be able to understand the reason for this result. This behavior will only push the baby into even greater hysterics. And the next time the child will act only through whims, tears, screams.

It is generally better not to indulge children's whims, no matter what the child asks. If the mother is driven by compassion, then promise to buy him what he wants, but only if the child behaves well. Just remember to keep such promises - this is very important.

Try not to be one of the reasons for the whim. If the desire or requirement of the baby is completely justified, then you should allow him to do as he wants. And don't escalate the situation.

But if suddenly you yourself have brought the situation to a state of conflict, then try to get out of it without severe damage - stop his hysteria, but in a different way, without fulfilling his whim: distract him, offer something in return.

Rule #5

Be careful with your own emotional state. A nervous parent has a bad effect on the baby's condition, and this is very dangerous. Children, unlike adults, cannot store their feelings for long. It is much easier for them to throw out all negative emotions.

If the child is already on edge, then under no circumstances maintain this state. Be alert and control yourself - do not provoke a chain reaction.

In a balanced tone, tell your baby that you don’t like his behavior. Even cold silence will do if you feel that you cannot restrain yourself.

There is no need to try to reason with him with words - the baby will not understand logical explanations (especially if he is 2-3 years old, even if he is 4-5 years old). Only instant gratification of desire can calm him down, and this is not necessary, because such cases will occur regularly.

Children often become capricious when they do not feel enough attention from adults. Sometimes parents who devote a lot of time to the baby, but still encounter frequent whims. And there are not many reasons for this, although parents stubbornly puzzle over it.

It’s just that children feel when their parents pay attention to them with pleasure and trepidation, and when it’s a burden for them. And thus, manipulating mom or dad is much more pleasant for them and there is no turning back.

Rule #6

Don’t ever think of blackmailing your baby!

Using blackmail and threats will not lead to anything good. With this method, you yourself will push the baby to lie, and teach him to do the same thing as you.

Only for your own personal purposes. Especially this method of control cannot be used when it reaches the age of 12-15. The peculiarities of the teenage psyche will not allow you to reliably understand: he is only manipulating his mother or is talking seriously.

Rule #7

After the capricious child calms down and recovers from stress, be sure to talk to him kindly about what happened.

Explain to him your emotions and feelings. Just don’t compare it with a crime - bad, capricious, etc. On the contrary, it is necessary to convince the baby, to show him that he is loved by mom and dad, despite various conflicts.

Tell him that you are sure that he will not behave this way again. Such a conversation is very necessary so that children do not develop a persistent feeling of guilt, as often happens after very strong outbursts of emotions.

It must be remembered that children under 16-17 years of age do not know how to fully control their feelings and emotions. When everything is over, there is no need to reproach the children or threaten punishment. Remember that in a sense, the baby punished himself.

Don't rack your brains about how to avoid whims. This will always be the case with children. Looking back, you won’t even notice how you have learned to cope with children’s tantrums.