Out of sight, out of mind! Why do men quickly forget their exes. Scientists have found how quickly a person forgets an old love
Text: Ekaterina Eliseeva
Parting with a once (or still) dear and beloved person is not easy for both men and women. Another thing is that the process of rehabilitation for representatives of the strong half of humanity is completed in the blink of an eye, and for women it can take more than one year.
the site found out why this happens and whether it is worth calling men who rush in search of a new lover immediately after parting with the previous one, heartless chumps.
Do not rush to hang labels and labels, the German sexologist Frauke Höllering is sure, but there is still some difference in the behavior of men and women after a breakup. Behind the desire of a man to start a new relationship as soon as possible, as a rule, is not heartlessness, but logic and ... pragmatism: “Many men get used to living in comfort, they like it when they are looked after. In this case, it is not at all necessary that the next new woman be perfect - the very One. Usually they are satisfied with an intermediate option - the so-called "comforter", which is initially forgiven for some mistakes and shortcomings. With her, the relationship lasts until the man finds someone better for himself.
Four (!) weeks after the breakup, the man is ready to build a new love. It takes a little over a year for women to recover from a breakup.
How men behave after a breakup
The results of a study commissioned by one of the dating sites are as follows: every fourth man falls in love with a new woman very quickly. In order to recover, the strong sex is enough ... four weeks. Thus, a protective mechanism is activated that protects the affected male pride.
Instead of licking their wounds, remembering what was done wrong and when, men stop thinking about the past and fix their eyes on the future. But not because they want to knock out a wedge with a wedge. Rather, they act out of those considerations that what happened, what happened, there's nothing to be done. And if so, then you need to accept this event and continue to live.
How do women behave after a breakup?
Male tactics - to look ahead, to the future - has practically nothing to do with the most common female strategy. According to the study mentioned above, almost 40% of women need a little more than a year to "process" a breakup. It is clear that with this approach, in most cases, there is no question of new relationships. Many women see a breakup as a chance to change their lives for the better. And, instead of throwing themselves into a new love like a pool with their heads, they begin to analyze the past in order to understand what happened.
Another significant difference between female behavior and male behavior is that very often a woman looks for the cause of a breakup in herself, and not in a man. Parting is perceived by her as a personal defeat. And the meaning of life for some time becomes the search for one's own mistakes: “What did I do or say wrong? At what point could everything be fixed?" Because of this immersion in the past, women spend much more time to free themselves from emotional dependence on an ex-partner than men.
Here is what German relationship expert Sven von Staden advises to those who do not want to step on the same rake twice: see a psychologist) and ask yourself what led to the breakup. If the answer is not found, it is likely that the same problems will surface in the next relationship.
Woman.ru found out why this happens and whether it is worth calling men who rush in search of a new lover immediately after parting with the previous one, heartless chumps.
Do not rush to hang labels and labels, the German sexologist Frauke Höllering is sure, but there is still some difference in the behavior of men and women after a breakup. Behind the desire of a man to start a new relationship as soon as possible, as a rule, is not heartlessness, but logic and ... pragmatism: “Many men get used to living in comfort, they like it when they are looked after. In this case, it is not at all necessary that the next new woman be perfect - the very One. Usually they are satisfied with an intermediate option - the so-called "comforter", which is initially forgiven for some mistakes and shortcomings. With her, the relationship lasts until the man finds someone better for himself.
Four (!) weeks after the breakup, the man is ready to build a new love. It takes a little over a year for women to recover from a breakup.
How men behave after a breakup
The results of a study commissioned by one of the dating sites are as follows: every fourth man falls in love with a new woman very quickly. In order to recover, the strong sex is enough ... four weeks. Thus, a protective mechanism is activated that protects the affected male pride.
Instead of licking their wounds, remembering what was done wrong and when, men stop thinking about the past and fix their eyes on the future. But not because they want to knock out a wedge with a wedge. Rather, they act out of those considerations that what happened, what happened, there's nothing to be done. And if so, then you need to accept this event and continue to live.
How do women behave after a breakup?
Male tactics - to look ahead, to the future - has practically nothing to do with the most common female strategy. According to the study mentioned above, almost 40% of women need a little more than a year to "process" a breakup. It is clear that with this approach, in most cases, there is no question of new relationships. Many women see a breakup as a chance to change their lives for the better. And, instead of throwing themselves into a new love like a pool with their heads, they begin to analyze the past in order to understand what happened.
Another significant difference between female behavior and male behavior is that very often a woman looks for the cause of a breakup in herself, and not in a man. Parting is perceived by her as a personal defeat. And the meaning of life for some time becomes the search for one's own mistakes: “What did I do or say wrong? At what point could everything be fixed?" Because of this immersion in the past, women spend much more time to free themselves from emotional dependence on an ex-partner than men.
Here is what the German relationship expert Sven von Staden advises to those who do not want to step on the same rake twice: “I recommend everyone to treat yourself to loneliness (if you can cope with this feeling, of course - approx. it is better to consult a psychologist) and ask yourself the question that led to the breakup. If the answer is not found, it is likely that the same problems will surface in the next relationship.
All men, and even if not all, then at least most of them are prone to "harmless" relationships "on the side." And this is not at all surprising, because every man is accustomed to consider himself the so-called "king of life", who is allowed, well, if not all, then at least more than half of everything. Most likely, this habit was incorporated into the male essence long before the birth of the very first man. Now, relying on this permissiveness, a man strives to learn everything new, forbidden and inaccessible. After all, the truth is said that the forbidden fruit is sweet. Especially if it's all about sexual desire. This is how male infidelity happens. But no matter how many women try to justify this masculine essence and lust, the question of whether a man can forget his beloved for the sake of a new sexual hobby does not cease to torment them, like a nightmare on a midsummer night. What can I say here, it is unlikely that anyone will undertake to predict a bright future in this situation or a complete collapse of relations. But we will still try to look into the male mind and read there some thoughts of the representatives of the stronger sex.
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Photo gallery: Can a man forget his beloved for the sake of a new sexual hobby?
"A little bit doesn't count!"
The news that the once faithful betrothed, by relations “on the side”, betrayed his beloved, for a woman sounds like a bolt from the blue. She, first of all, feels treacherously deceived and in parallel with this, if, of course, she loves her chosen one, she is afraid of the future, afraid of losing her beloved. But in such a situation, you should not panic ahead of time. After all, because of panic and obsessions, a woman, firstly, will simply wind herself up in vain, and secondly, she may, even without realizing it, aggravate the situation with her pressure on a man. Our advice includes the following: before answering the question of whether men can forget their beloved for the sake of a new sexual infatuation, it is necessary to find out the essence of these relationships "on the side" and their depth. It would be more correct to say, to reveal how much a man is interested in his mistress, and how much his beloved woman. If the essence of sexual passion is the desire to diversify your sex life, to “taste” something new, or is it just an experimental “knight’s move” aimed at learning new depths of sex with another lady, then there are no special reasons for experiences here. To forget the one with whom he "walks the world shoulder to shoulder", for the sake of someone new, to whom he has only a sexual interest, is nothing more than self-deception itself. And the man himself understands this very well. So it’s not worth sounding the alarm because of his really harmless prank, in the form of treason. Unless, of course, the woman he loves can forgive him this prank. As a result, the faithful, having tasted the new “forbidden”, will take a walk, take a walk and return, as if nothing had happened back home. After all, we all remember the words of the once popular song: "A little bit does not count ...". Agree, but that's exactly the way it is.
"I'll go, I'll find happiness and love!"
Option number two: a male affair on the side is an occasion to find that “golden mean” that the couple lost in the course of their relationship. Of course, it would be too rude to say that feelings have faded away, but to remind you that the former passion and desire have disappeared somewhere will be very relevant. In this situation, during a period of infatuation outside of a relationship, a man may at one fine moment realize that with one or the other, he is both more comfortable and warmer ... As they say: he will find love, and happiness, and passion in her bedroom. Here he may well forget his beloved, but for how long? By chance, is it not for the moment when he will build a sexual macho out of himself? In a word, you shouldn’t prepare for the worst, but just in case, it’s worth it to play it safe by surprising your sweetheart with new erotic lingerie and the behavior of a “slut” in bed. But you never know what, suddenly he will leave, dear!
"Sex and more sex!"
He is just a walking sex machine. Therefore, spontaneously, even without wanting it, the faithful one gives himself away left and right (he obviously comes out much better on the left). Here are his hobbies and are exclusively sports in nature. A man, under the impression of his sexual attraction, loses his head in front of every women's skirt, trying everywhere and with every "stir up love." Of course, such a gentleman does not forget about his beloved, and on the contrary, he pays a lot of attention to her, bestows words of love and nights filled with passion. But he cannot stop “walking to the left”. In a word, his whole life is one continuous hobby. He can simply forget all his shura-mura on the side, just as easily and naturally as he can start new ones. Of course, he is not going to abandon his beloved, just as he is not going to take the true path, because he is a male who needs to prove this to himself. Whatever you say, sooner or later you will have to decide whether such a gentleman is needed at all. Of course, sex, which he is ready to “feed” his sweetheart (and a couple of other women) from morning to night, is good, but self-esteem and pride are even better!
"I'm tired of this body, I'll take on a new business!"
And the last most critical situation is when a man starts a relationship behind the back of his beloved, because he simply realized before her that, for example, their relationship has become obsolete. Also here can be attributed the realization that they are completely different people, or it was dislike, but a small “flash” of feelings, which soon faded away. At such a moment, infatuation “on the side” is a way of detuning from a woman and relationships with her. This hobby can very quickly acquire the status of a serious one. So, most likely, such a romance of a man behind a woman's back is an occasion to change the life and the person who is nearby. Of course, this example of male behavior is not a clear indicator that all men immediately run into new arms, forgetting about past relationships and the woman they love. There are also other reasons, for example, at least take the previous three. So this case is the last extreme that can happen in life. And as a conclusion, before all of the above, I would like to add that a man will never be able to forget a woman if he loves her because of a fleeting infatuation of a sexual nature. Another case, if there is no love here at all. By the way, the word “hobby” itself does not carry any danger, because it is just fun that is easy to forget and start all over from scratch. That's just, in such a situation, forgiveness and everything else already comes from the woman herself.
Women are so arranged that after another breakup with a man, we continue to entertain ourselves with false hopes, they say, everything can still get better and you will be together again. But such a position in life can bring you a lot of negative emotions in the future. In addition, men almost always make it clear to their former lovers that their relationship will not be renewed.
In this article, we will talk about five such "signals", some of which are given by men consciously, and some - unconsciously.
1. The man no longer looks at you.
Breaking up a relationship for a man is also a nervous shock. Different types of men react to it in different ways. Someone is trying in every possible and impossible way to regain the favor of his beloved lady, and someone generally stops looking in her direction. In the case of the latter option, don't run after the man - just let him go.
2. The man began to avoid meeting with you.
The easiest way to determine if a man wants to communicate with you, to see you, is to call him. If he does not regularly pick up the phone, and when he sees you on the street, he quickly switches to the opposite side, then draw conclusions. This means that this man does not need communication and relationships with you, why then bother yourself with this person?
3. The man returned all your things.
If your man has decided on such an act, then you should say “Thank you” to him, and not fall into hysterics, since not all representatives of the strong half of humanity are capable of such an act. This speaks, at least, of the adequacy and courage of your former partner, who wants to return all your things to you. It is worth wishing each other “good luck in your personal life” and parting as gently as possible.
4. A man rudely left you.
The rudeness of a man towards a woman cannot be justified by anything - this is an axiom. Rough and tough breakups usually happen without any explanation. You don't have to blame yourself for what happened. Consider that this is a common fault, and the man in this situation did not behave like a gentleman.
5. A man has another woman.
Life is unpredictable. Of course, it will be unpleasant and insulting if your man finds another woman - and this new woman will claim the place of a permanent life partner. What is left for you to do in such a situation? No need to stage performances and tantrums, wish them happiness and good luck - remain a good person, not only in the eyes of your ex-man and his new passion, but also in your own.
How to forget a guy? In the current age of Internet addiction, you can easily find thousands of links on the resources of the world wide web containing advice on the topic: “how can a girl forget a guy?”. Turning over a pile of girly youth magazines, you can also find some useful recommendations. However, in most cases, following the recommendations and following the advice will only help you get distracted, but is unlikely to contribute to forgetting your loved one. For the quick and painless elimination of his image from memory, more active actions on the part of the young ladies and a positively directed attitude will be required.
In addition, it will not be superfluous to draw up a step-by-step strategy for erasing a guy from thoughts and hearts. Also, it is worth trying to understand that there are no irreplaceable males, that there are millions of guys around, and the girl, who is tormented in search of answers to the burning question: “how to forget her beloved guy”, is alone at home. After all, if a loved one did not have enough time or opportunities to appreciate the former chosen one, then this should become exclusively his problem. And the representative of the female part of the population is recommended to stop being sad, put a smile on a pretty face, make eyes, powder your nose, tint your lips and go to decorate the world, dressed in an elegant modest dress and stilettos. And in the process of such a “decoration”, it will not be superfluous to “shoot” with your eyes in search of a new gentleman, who, of course, will not replace the ex-boyfriend, but is ideal for distracting from sorrowful thoughts and raising your spirits.
How to forget the guy you love
It is difficult to forget a person who was not just a passerby in the life of a girl, but left a deep mark. It's hard not to remember the guy whom the young lady loved for a long time and very much, and remembering him, it's hard not to succumb to destructive emotions. The first months after a breakup, most girls think that their life is over and there will be no more joy in it. However, such thoughts are far from reality. And in a maximum of a year, the girl who previously did not know how to live on will meet every dawn with a happy smile if she finds the strength in herself to look at from a different position. Naturally, no one assures that it will be easy. You will have to endure all the pain, despair, sleepless nights, and in the mornings - eyes swollen from sobs.
“I want to forget my ex-boyfriend” - abandoned girls often ask these thoughts. Following the recommendations below, going through an unpleasant period will be easier, calmer, more joyful and less painful.
To forget the guy you love very much, you need to start acting, instead of lying on your favorite couch, feeling sorry for yourself and scolding him for being so ungrateful. The faster we move to an active struggle against despair and pessimism, the faster harmony will reign in the soul. Therefore, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on to life from scratch.
Changing your habits can help you forget the guy you love. If a girl who has set foot on the road to “recovery” is used to sleeping until noon, then you need to learn how to get up at least a couple of hours earlier, you need to buy groceries in another supermarket, and in the room you need to change the situation or revive the interior. You can get to work or college by a different route, or even replace travel in a stuffy and uncomfortable transport by walking. You should also at least slightly change the way you dress or completely modify the style. In general, what is allowed is what corresponds to the slogan: “To do everything in a new way, in a completely different way than before!”
To forget the guy you love very much, you should decompose your life into two stages - before the end of the relationship and after the break. At the same time, the stage after should become brighter, more promising, joyful and full of interesting events.
Changing life beyond recognition will lead to the fact that all past memories will fade, become faded, not worth attention, and soon completely forgotten.
So, if life is started anew, then such a landmark decision needs to be celebrated by going to a disco or other place of entertainment where you can dance and have fun.
The disco is an excellent means of bringing new vivid emotions into one's own life, and often even new pleasant acquaintances with the opposite sex. Deafening music, movements to the beat, laughter, relaxed atmosphere, the interest of the stronger half - all of the above together easily negates the bad mood caused by a depressive state. Therefore, psychologists often compare going to a disco club with long-acting anti-stress therapy.
It is possible that you won’t be able to immediately join the night life and feel all the joy of the party, you don’t have to despair and run away from the club in search of a quiet place where no one will interfere with feeling sorry for yourself. You need to hold out for the first three hours, after which the fun itself will find the sad one.
It is not recommended to neglect dates, even if little time has passed since the breakup of the relationship. After all, the main goal of the strategy called: "how to forget the ex-boyfriend you love" is a distraction from pressing sad thoughts and the reign of harmony in the soul. Of course, an unfamiliar boy is unlikely to cope with the reign of happiness and peace in the soul of a girl at the first meeting, but he can definitely distract from unhappy thoughts.
You should not compare the young man who called for a romantic rendezvous with his ex. It is better to try to overcome yourself in order to provide at least a tiny chance to a new man. Going on dates will help you understand that the romance that was in a past relationship can happen again. At the same time, the new story may have a completely different ending. The main thing is not to be afraid and not to program in advance possible new relationships for a dramatic end. You should not be afraid of new meetings, acquaintances, because they bring diversity, pleasure and to existence. A woman without male admiration simply withers like flowers without watering. And men are usually generous with compliments when they want to make a favorable impression.
What to do if you can't forget a guy? Regular visits to the gym will not be superfluous in this case. After all, sport contributes to an increase in the level of endorphins in the bloodstream, which automatically leads to a complacent state, cheerfulness and a good mood. In addition, physical activity will relieve emotional stress, which ladies often experience after the end of a relationship. With the help of systematic balanced sports exercises, three problems can be solved at once. The first two are described above, and the third is to keep the body in good shape, improve health, tighten problem areas and drop extra pounds, if any. If financial condition and time resources allow, it is recommended to diversify strength training, muscle stretching exercises (stretching) and dancing.
How to forget the guy who dumped? You can try yourself in the role of a housewife. This method is suitable for those women who are not yet ready to leave their home, their fortress that protects from adversity. It is better to start with a general cleaning. While the cleaning of the place in the head will last, there will be no thoughts about the former. In addition, a house sparkling with cleanliness will please the eyes of all its inhabitants. It should be clear right away. General cleaning is not a banal washing of floors and erasing dust from surfaces, it is scraping old fat from the hood and stove, cleaning tiles in the kitchen, in the toilet and bathroom, scrubbing windows and countertops to a shine, washing curtains, washing blinds, etc. . The list of necessary household chores can be endless. If you clean with thorough care, then there will be no time to be sad for at least a week. And upon completion of the general cleaning, the girl will definitely be drawn to the disco to break away.
If the role of a housewife categorically does not fit into the lifestyle, then it will be perfectly replaced by the role of a shopaholic. In this case, you can either visit all the shops in the city, or surf the Internet resources, there is no difference. The main thing is to get maximum pleasure and joy from your own actions. You can attract a close friend to walks in shops or sites.
It is also recommended to remove memorabilia from sight, reminiscent of a past connection. Otherwise, every time your eyes stumble upon them, your heart will hurt from pain, which will prevent you from forgetting your former partner as soon as possible.
Most girls do not tolerate a breakup with a loved one quite well. And the modern age of IT technology, unfortunately, also exacerbates the process of experiencing a gap. After all, what does psychology say, answering the question: "how to forget the ex-boyfriend you love." And she says the following - removing the object of love from sight for a while, you can permanently get rid of attachment. Today, it is almost impossible to remove an ex-boyfriend from the field of view due to the large-scale distribution among all walks of life and the huge popularity of social networks, in which most of the youth are registered. Even if the former young man is not on social networks, there are absolutely his friends or relatives there, who, willy-nilly, will constantly remind you of your loved one.
Psychologist's advice on how to quickly forget the guy you love is aimed at analyzing your own attitude towards your former chosen one. First you need to understand whether the girl really experienced love or these feelings - self-deception, easy love or banal affection.
Psychologists are sure that in the presence of true love, people do not suffer. Suffering causes self-doubt, attitude towards a partner as personal property, affected, fear of loneliness. To get rid of these negative emotions, you need to make every effort. The next step is to relive the romantic love story. For this purpose, you need to select two paper sheets. On one, describe a “love story”, list all the happy moments that happened to the couple during the relationship, and then list the suffering experienced by the girl when the relationship was coming to an end. At the bottom of the sheet, you should write a phrase of the following type: “all this is in the past!”. The sheet with the novel must be thrown away, having previously been torn into small pieces. After that, you should go to the second sheet. It is necessary to describe the feelings felt by the girl in the process of writing the novel. You also need to list the qualities that are not enough to feel more confident, strong and attractive. Here you should try to be as frank with yourself as possible, you must list all the shortcomings, weaknesses and positive features without hiding. In addition, experts in the field of psychology recommend that if a girl has a bad mood after waking up, if she is haunted by obsessive thoughts about a breakup, you need to take a cool shower to relieve negativity.
It also perfectly distracts from memories of past relationships by dipping into study or work with your head. In the state of experiencing a gap, there is a small plus - this state contributes to the achievement of many successes. In case of casual meetings with the former at the institute or at work, it is necessary to direct all efforts to give him a minimum of attention. You should also smile sincerely at him. Let the guy think that his ex without him is not hysterical, but happy and self-sufficient. Now it's his turn to think that he made a huge mistake by parting with his once beloved. As time passes, the girl will be surprised that she could have suffered because of this man who has a lot of flaws before.
The psychologist's advice "how to forget a guy" is aimed at understanding that parting with a man is not the end of life. No need to walk around with a sour face, causing compassionate looks from relatives and friends. After all, pity humiliates. A break with a young man should be perceived as an ideal reason for. Each lived day, an event in life brings experience, a bit of wisdom and a little bit of knowledge that accumulate and turn their owner into a balanced, intellectually developed person. Therefore, the former man must also be taken as an experience.
Operational advice on how a girl can forget a guy. Immediately after the breakup, girls are allowed to cry for exactly one day. After all, the daughters of Eve are refined and emotional beings who relieve tension and stressful conditions through tears. To facilitate the "breeding of dampness", you can re-read love correspondence, gentle SMS, listen to songs that evoke memories, review presentations or joint photos. Tears will cleanse the girl's heart of negativity.
The next day, it is necessary to send all the memories that yesterday provoked sobs into the trash (expensive gifts can not be thrown away, but limited to their temporary exile out of sight).
The third day must be dedicated to yourself. You can arrange an impromptu SPA salon at home by filling a bath with hot water and adding sea salt and seven drops of your favorite or mood-enhancing aromatic oils (for example, rosemary oil) to it. Having climbed into the bath, you can conduct a visualization session, imagining how all the negativity, all sorrows and hardships float down the pipes into the sewer and are disposed of, dissolved. After all, tomorrow will be a new day, and, consequently, a new life.
How to forget a loved one? Yes, very easy! Through new acquaintances and fresh impressions. This does not mean that you should forget your former friends, but for a while you should refuse to interact with people who cross paths with an ex-boyfriend.
Many young ladies have a hard time enduring a gap due to its incorrect perception. They believe that after parting with a young man, they become lonely. This is a fundamentally wrong belief. The end of a relationship is not loneliness, but freedom. Freedom that can be spent on self-development, on watching your favorite melodramas that you could not watch before, because your loved one considered them boring. Breaking the connection is a time to think about the future, change yourself, go to school or change jobs. This is the time for any personal accomplishments.
You don't have to be afraid of loneliness. After all, the problem is not in this terrifying word, but solely in relation to its meaning. In life, you need to learn to be happy always - being in a relationship with the most beloved person and parting with him.
What should I do? I met a guy without one day for a year. Everything is so perfect and our tastes were similar and we did everything together. We are both 20 and knowing that this is the age to go out and drink with friends, I always didn’t mind and let him go. He most often made a choice in my direction and said that he really loves and everything will be fine with him. At one point, a week before the anniversary (year), I told him that we were breaking up, but I I didn’t want this, I just wanted to renew our relationship, to wake him up, so to speak. He came to me and said that something had died in him and he was more inclined to leave, then there were a lot of tears, he hugged me and said, that today no one will part. Then I really tried to be perfect for a week, and he walked with friends for a week and drank every other day and on the anniversary day I came to him, and after another bun he had scratches on his back. I left the apartment after a quarrel with him. He called me and said that he didn’t walk up anymore than he wants a serious relationship now, but he didn’t cheat, but just danced with the girl and she put her hands under his shirt and scratched. For two days I sobbed non-stop, and then he came and said that he wanted to be a part of my life and support me and help me cope with this. Today he came and I asked him to delete all our common photos and after he did this I wished him good luck and said that everyone is now going their own dear. But I feel so bad, I love him and want to be with him. What should I do?
Good evening! I broke up with my boyfriend a year ago. He already had many girls, but every time after parting, he came to me to satisfy his intimate needs. And I've always been against it. We communicate because we study on the same course. Tell me how I should be, I still love him, although in a relationship he cheated on me. I always catch myself on the word that I will no longer let him near me, but it doesn’t work. What should I do? 'Cause I want to start a new life
Hello! I really need advice. Of course, it is very difficult to write here in words. I've been dating a guy for 4 years and 8 months. I am 24 years old (student, switched to the 5th year), the guy is 27 years old, (works). We live separately, a guy with his mom and brother and me with my parents. And so it has been going on for 4 years and 8 months ... on weekends I came to him with an overnight stay and then again went home to myself ... my boyfriend and I are completely opposite. Almost every day we swear, and over all sorts of nonsense ... I am a home person, I do not like noisy companies. And my boyfriend, on the contrary, is very, I would even say too sociable, likes to walk at night (hookah, etc.), I want to spend more time with him when I don’t see him, I miss him. He doesn't really want to see you. He swears at me all the time, humiliates me, and so on ... I was tired of all this and I broke off the relationship. It is very difficult and painful for me to forget him ... it seems to me that I will not find anyone else. When they met, they cursed every day and every day I cried .. because of the nervous soil, I start to get sick. We went to China, to rest, each paid for himself. He had a girlfriend before, he often talked about her, almost every time, although I did not ask him to speak. All the time he compared me with her and so on .... I even said things that I shouldn’t say… I already want a family and children. Now I'm afraid that I won't find a boyfriend again...
Hello Valentine. As a result of low self-esteem, tormenting doubts arise about their uselessness to the male sex, plus the personality trait of introversion prevents being sociable and adds uncertainty.
The way out is this: we increase self-esteem using auto-training; we develop our positive qualities (we establish and maintain contacts with a certain, small circle of people, in fantasies we draw the image of an ideal partner for ourselves); we are working on our mistakes, shortcomings (we are trying to be better than ourselves yesterday - this means we are moving away from conflicts in the future, we become happy with everything, we rejoice at the positive moments in every day we live; we thank for the experience gained in past relationships and try in the future for men who try to Bypass you with anyone to compare); we begin from this moment to love and respect ourselves, which means realizing that there is no point in clinging to past relationships, even mentally, because where it was bad, there is nothing to regret. The sooner you realize this, the faster you will mentally recover.
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Good afternoon How can I forget the man who left me? The relationship was six months old, there were only meetings for intimacy two or three times a month and no more communication. But in these not long hours I managed to become attached to him very much .. I wanted other relationships, I made it clear a couple of times and he disappeared completely. After a month of torment, I wrote to him, asking where he had disappeared. To which he replied that he decided to abstract himself, because my affection frightens him ... I tried to deny, but he simply stopped answering .. I understand that he will no longer be with relationship with him ... But I feel very bad, how can I forget him ?!
Good afternoon
We have been together for a little over a year! I found everything I need in him. I am 33, he is 37. He, like me, wanted to start a family and children. He has all the qualities that I would like to see in my man. But with all the pluses he has there were also disadvantages. I tried to ignore them, I endured. But patience ran out from time to time and quarrels resulted from this. There were few things in my apartment and every time he quarreled, he told me to take things away between us, everything is over ... but then a couple of days later he announced himself as if nothing had happened. This time he went with friends to a strip club, said that everything would be ok, so that I would not worry, he would not be long. a bottle of wine, tired after a hard day’s work, fell deeply into sleep. In the morning I woke up, but he was gone. what and how) he arrived silently took the keys and left. Only the next day I saw that he called me half the night, but I did not hear. He knocked, rang the doorbell, could not get home. He doesn’t believe. He says that everything is over between us, we can just remain friends and nothing more. He was tired of all these abuses.
Good afternoon Julia. There is only one way out: write a letter to a man with a confession, explain everything as it is and why exactly it happened, promise and adhere to the rule not to drink alcohol in the future.
I did it all. She spoke and wrote to him. He doesn't want to hear anything. I put an end to it, said that we can communicate further, but only as friends. Periodically calls for other issues. How to reach him?! I don’t want to be intrusive either, so that, on the contrary, I don’t alienate myself even more. I feel bad without him
Julia, you will have to be content with what you have today. The fact that he agreed to remain friends is already a plus. Reconsider your behavior, remember all your mistakes, remember what ideal of a woman your man has, for sure he voiced it. And start changing in that direction. Since you are still communicating with him, you have a chance to appear before him in a changed inner image, desired by your chosen one.
Good afternoon! As you advised, I talked with him. He called me every day asking for all sorts of small requests, everything seemed to be fine. I had hope more and more that we would reconcile, but ....
I work in a restaurant, and so he came with his friend to watch football, have dinner. And then, towards the end of the evening, some girl came to him ... I was in shock. He began to court her, take care of her. And before me, he behaved differently with the girls. It was very painful for me to look at this circus. I can’t believe that they could have such a relationship in a week. ??knows that I yearn for him, and so do it. Let him find another .... there are a lot of establishments in the city ... why does he hurt me ?!
Then he went to the sea for 4 days with his parents, neither called nor wrote. she will appear there. I don’t know how to behave. Come up to express everything, say that he doesn’t appear here (he is waiting for this, and will go to evil) or completely ignore him (although it hurts me to look at all this) For me he died as a man and as a manGood afternoon Julia. Try to act naturally, as if nothing had happened. Just because he has a girlfriend doesn't mean anything. It is possible that you are right and this is his tactic - to look at your reaction. It is clear that he has certain feelings for you, therefore he comes to your institution, and takes the girl as an irritant for you. Imagine that you are an actress, play the role of sweet and friendly as never before. Do not be afraid to come up and wish a good evening - you are friends. Remember that he does not owe you anything, you do not owe anything from him, and you will have to work hard to return his favor. “I had more and more hope that we would reconcile, but ...” - This thought must be let go for now, let everything go as it goes.
Hello,
I would never have thought that I would write about my grievances, but it just so happened ...
I met my boyfriend 4 years ago and were still together, but broke up 6 days ago. To say that I feel bad is natural, I am physically and spiritually exhausted. Everything was fine with us, and we still love each other, but recently he told me that I had become unbearable, but I did not agree with him. To tell the truth - there is such a thing, I have become more picky and sometimes annoying. The problem is that I understood this, but did nothing against it. That's why our relationship ended this way. I don’t know how he is now, but I feel so bad that I don’t know how to overcome myself. Help me with some advice please.
Maybe I was too presumptuous that we will always be together, maybe it's because we always put up. He always found at least some solutions for us to reconcile, reunite .. But this time he said that despite the fact that he loves me, we can’t be together ...
It's been four long months now, I can't forget my loved one. I can’t come to my senses ... Nothing helps .. I can’t perceive other men in any way .... After every attention from a strange man, when I come home, I start to get hysterical, tears and pain ... they are constantly with me ... I can’t do this anymore ... I so want to forget and tear out all this pain from my heart, I so want to forget, not to think, not to remember ... But I can't...
Good evening! It's hard to start writing something when the heart and soul is torn and turned inside out, when tears and emotions are shaking. Yes, I know that I myself am to blame for this situation, that once betraying a person everything will return like a boomerang, but I wanted to believe in real feelings of love. My story is this: after 12 years of living with one person, after which there was a family and a child was born, my husband simply stopped treating me like a woman, but when I go to work I meet a person who certainly shows signs of attention, and then admits in love, in the end he leaves his wife and I divorce my husband. Yes, I understand that there will be many who will condemn and scold me for this, but all the feelings for my husband were gone and there was love for another. It was love from which butterflies flew, dizziness, the relationship was impeccable, on his part it was the same tenderness, care, the attention of which was so lacking, travel, joint plans, buying an apartment in a mortgage, which is now on me. But after 8 months of impeccability, groundless jealousy began, bans on calling friends, going to stores, he just wanted to put me under the dome and ban everything, then scandals and threats while intoxicated began, but every time I forgave, and then the day came when he crossed all boundaries, once again after drinking, he crashed my car, he screamed and tried to choke me, and this is all again on the basis of unjustified jealousy, when I did not give the slightest reason for this. At that moment, I was afraid for myself and my child. I decided to end all relationships. But it is insanely hard to realize that I have love for him and for him. I know that he loves us, that it's hard for him, just like me, but I'm afraid, I'm afraid for my life. Now I ask for help, to survive it all, to forget love and all these feelings in general, but I can only put on a smiling grimace, and my heart is breaking inside. How to live, how to forget, very bad…… Thank you
Svetlana, you need to talk with your loved one and (if possible) persuade him to go to a psychotherapist. He shows signs of epileptoid psychopathy. You can live with it only with certain therapy. If you and he value the relationship, then you should do it. But in general, epileptoids are the heaviest of the accentuators. Romance is dizzy and the woman misses important calls. In general, my advice is to let go of the situation. He will still break loose even if he is coded, these people are always looking for a reason to scandal. You will be fine, just put your attention in the other direction...
I dated a guy for 1.5 years. Interest from the first days was present all the time, trust, tenderness. Well, in general, everything. One day he told me that he fell in love with another. This threw me off my stride. The person you trust so much and on you could just leave you and go to another. At the same time, he did not want to leave me, explaining that we have kindred spirits, although he says that he feels a connection to that one, but somehow different threads supposedly. He does not want to leave, he wants to keep in touch with those that are not friends, and not loved ones, but kindred souls. I'm totally confused. What to do and how to be. Maybe he will lose interest in her over time, and suddenly a wedding ... remote work still connects with this person and I can’t communicate like with a colleague. It's hard to kill feelings that are there or hide them. Everything is visible from the side. Please tell me what to do in such a situation.
Hello Tatiana. You must make your own decision. It will be wrong to listen to other people's subjective advice. This is your life and it is up to you to decide what to do in your particular situation, based on your inner self-perception.
I have such a story, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, we loved each other, everything was fine, but a year ago I found out that I was not alone with him, there was another girl, she was older than me. It was painful to imagine, he made excuses, but if you want you can leave me. I didn't and I forgave. And after some time they began to tell me that he had someone, he answered me who said it, that it was not true. I endured for a long time, but then I decided to call this girl, she said that he was her boyfriend and they live with their parents and they have been together for 4 years, when she found out everything and parents about us, he told me that he really loved, says I don’t I’m leaving you, he wants to remain friends, he’s 23, I’m 19. But he changed his number, and he doesn’t go anywhere, he works, he just walked with me. He said that he would call, but a month passed and silence. I think he is forbidden to communicate with me, and it was like that before, but when they found out, it was generally terrible. I don't understand what's going on now?!?!? If I had not called her, we would have been together ....
We met 3 years ago, everything was fine, we loved each other, and it so happened that I got pregnant, and he was taken into the army, my daughter was little, I was waiting for him from the army, everything was fine in a relationship, there were quarrels, but not big, and when he came, he said that he no longer loves that he was leaving us, for a long time I could not get used to how it was, what to do, went with my daughter to another city to relax, forget, but it didn’t work out, she returned, he came it so happened to me that when I saw him, it hurt me terribly, he kissed me and hugged me, said that he was bored, but he didn’t want a relationship, he said, wait a while! I don't know what to do and what to think? Please tell me.
Hello Nastya. Let everything go as it goes. You don't need to think about anything in particular. Enjoy today. The guy needs time to figure out what he wants in this life, so you have to wait.
I met a guy 4 years ago. At first everything started well. I loved him with all my heart, I felt that he loves me too, he was afraid of losing me like me, but for some reason he often did not trust me, saying that you can’t trust girls, he said don’t deceive me, that’s all I want , I never deceived him, I had a lot of problems because of him. I suffered a lot, when my dad found out about our relationship, he kicked me out of the house because I am a Muslim and he too, but it wasn’t supposed to be like that with us. I endured everything for him, but then he changed, bought himself a car, began to openly say that he would always walk, I found out more than once that he cheated on me, forgave everything, and he said that he loved and loved only me, otherwise that communicating with others is just entertainment, a waste of time, I endured everything, I thought that the main thing was that he loves me, although it was hard to share it with someone. He was such a simple honest man, but now he has completely changed, and what he himself told me, that if I have any option, or a handsome guy gets caught, then I will immediately leave him, but I would never do that, but here he is ... It's so hard, I endured everything and waited for him, but he's not even interested in me, which means he doesn't need me at all ...
At the age of 25, I fell in love with a young 17-year-old guy .. I didn’t know about his age .. He looked older than a gypsy ... Then it was too late when I found out we both fell in love .. I’m a Russian girl .. he is a gypsy! Women in their family earn. I agreed to these conditions, he was just waiting for me at home, my flower business went bankrupt .. I went to zero .. Without telling him, I got a job as an escort, because a former model, but we got used to good money ... And quickly I couldn’t find a way out anymore ... I got pregnant ... I loved him, gave birth to a daughter! I worked like that all the time, he changed cars, expensive things, went to cafes, restaurants while I was not at home ... I lived in a high ... It was hard for me, his family took all the cars from him and begged for money all the time, they stopped loving me when I stopped paying them .. In general, I confessed to him, he didn’t leave, he beat me to fractures .. I have more than one plastic surgery today .. I endured, considering myself guilty .. but we lived like this for almost 5 years ..he beat me ..My patience finally snapped when I stopped hearing in one ear ... I called his parents and asked to be taken away or I would put him in jail ... He left in my two cars, a week later he married a gypsy for evil ... Gone 2 months, I met a man ... I have been living for my own pleasure for half a year, I am sitting at home, taking care of myself! I don’t work ... but my heart hurts .. resentment for the child .. that there is no father, I live alone! He showed up naturally, left his wife, but out of resentment and anger, despite love, I sent him to hell on the phone, said that I was happy, he reconciled with his wife) They live on) I don’t understand why all this worries me every day, these thoughts in my head! How so! Love has not passed .. does not go away .. how can I live on ...
I have such a situation ... We lived with my (I don’t know what to call him - former or not) young man for 3.5 years. Everything was. And joy, and sadness, and disputes, and a complete idyll - in general, absolutely everything. But we loved each other to disgrace! He was a successful financial entrepreneur. Now he has some very serious problems at work that threaten both his and my life. Accordingly, against the background of this, he has a nervous breakdown. I absolutely did not intend and am not going to run away from the ship, and I can’t afford it! ... But the question is different: his parents, especially his mother, simply can’t stand me (although it started just a few months ago), and openly about her hostility, she began to tell me 1, 5 months ago! Now THIS WOMAN has given him a choice: either she or me. Even in their youth, they caused him a complex that he owes them and owes them in life. As a result, due to serious problems at work, plus pressure from our parents, we parted, or rather, in his absence, while he was on a business trip and tried to somehow fix things, they showed up at our house and gave me a day to clean up from there... Plus his mother insulted me with the last words. Now he is COMPLETELY broken and depressed, from a successful and wealthy man he has turned into his shadow ... I really want to help him! We love each other and suffer a lot, but he does not have the courage to go into conflict with his parents, given his current situation! .. And his crazy mother told me that now they will decide who he should be with and who not! Tell us what to do??...
And it’s not easier to think CONSCIOUSLY what exactly led to the collapse of the relationship. In Vedic culture, a woman fills the vessel (man), it is she who "leads" him and directs him. It is on her behavior that the “response” of the follower depends.
Without making an analysis, there is a huge probability that everything will happen again in the future.
In this case, you must take into account your real age, the presence of existing children, accumulated stress and fatigue.
Alcohol, discos and other dope can only distract for a while.
Real problems will need to be solved not there and not like that.
Remember, by trading a relatively BAD for something else, that other can be even WORSE. After the second, third break, neither alcohol, nor a disco, nor girlfriends will help.
That's when you really will be waiting in a madhouse.
Good night!
Today he offered me to work for him. I have been dreaming of changing my field of activity for a long time, and here he is with an offer. The conditions are good and the money is much better than what I now earn. But I am at a loss, I don’t understand why he does this. .If he told me many times and for unknown reasons, collect things, I’m afraid that this won’t happen with work (so that he doesn’t fire me every week) Although we discussed the issue that the relationship is only working and no personal lifeJulia, in such a sensitive issue (regarding employment), you will have to weigh everything yourself and decide what to do.
