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Married at 20 and a half years old. Reviews from women about the best age to get married

IN Lately in the press, especially in glossy publications, they increasingly say that the mentality Russian women becomes similar to the mentality of European and American women. Now in Russia women are independent, self-reliant and financially wealthy. They, just like their peers in the West, are pursuing a career. They feel just as confident behind the wheel. And just like foreign women, they are in no hurry to get married and postpone this event until “better times.”

I was forcibly married at the age of 20...

"You must first graduate from college, find Good work, and then think about marriage,” some say. “Not before thirty,” others echo. “Get married. Why?" - others exclaim.

Marital sex. What a man should know and be able to do:

Early age and marriage

However, while walking around the city on a day off, look at the faces of the newlyweds. How old are they? Twenty? Or maybe eighteen? Hardly among girls in wedding dresses, you will see those who are over thirty. And statistics show that average age Russian women get married at 22 years of age, while American women, again according to statistics, get married at 25, Japanese women at 26, German women at 27. It turns out that Russian women are in a hurry. It turns out that little has changed since Soviet times, and marriage in our country continues to take place at a fairly early age.

After all, there is no doubt that getting married at twenty is too early. Or is anyone still in doubt? Indeed, it would be logical then to ask: “Why is it early?” and “When is it not too early in this case?”

Now imagine a twenty-year-old girl: young, inexperienced, a little frivolous, a little naive. She just recently sat at her desk at school, recently became a student and crossed the threshold of the institute. A year or two ago she earned her first decent, but still pocket money. She is already working, or rather, working part-time. She is already reading serious books, under the influence of which she forms her point of view about the world around her. But she's still a child. A child just entering adulthood. A child doing in this very adult life your first steps. And suddenly this child puts on White dress, puts a veil on his head and walks down the aisle. Parents stand nearby and sigh: “At least I could finish college.” And the grandmother is not overjoyed: “And so she stayed too long as a girl.” She herself was already expecting her first child at twenty.

Perhaps grandma is right. Perhaps twenty years - ideal age to get married. It’s not for nothing that doctors advise giving birth to your first child before the age of 25. In addition, it is much easier for an inexperienced twenty-year-old girl to get married than an accomplished thirty-year-old woman. Her criteria for assessing her future chosen one are softer. It is easier to meet her requirements. She is guided more by feelings and fleeting emotions than by reason. She’s not at all used to thinking for a long time, unlike her older friends, who, after thinking, come to the conclusion that they don’t really need a husband. They cope well with everything alone. And they are not at all ready to compromise and change their established principles. As a result, they are left alone. It’s paradoxical, but this is precisely what pushes young girls to get married. It is the fear of being left alone that makes them completely at a young age radically change your life. I must say that this fear is largely justified. It is pointless to argue that the chances of getting married at twenty are greater than at thirty. However, marriage is not a panacea. Especially, early marriage which usually ends in divorce. And what the girl was so afraid of happens - she is left alone or, even worse, with a small child in her arms. She has no job and no means of livelihood. She also doesn’t have her own apartment, and she has to return to her parents, from whom she was in a desperate hurry to leave, and who desperately asked her not to rush.

Early marriage causes instability

Of course, not all early marriages are doomed. But the formula “they got married at twenty and lived happily until the end of their days” is still the exception, not the rule. Consequently, parents who beg to delay the decision to start a family are right.

Firstly, the psyche and character of a twenty-year-old person is not yet stable. The views of twenty-year-olds change daily, hourly, every second. They are great maximalists. They are thrown from one extreme to another. This is natural, because they are looking for themselves, thereby trying to take a place in this world. They often change their opinions, their hobbies and... people. Today they are interested in one person, and tomorrow - a completely different one. Therefore, their chosen one, the person whom they decide to call their husband or wife, may simply become bored with them over time.

Secondly, each of us, regardless of age, must use our strengths, abilities and talents, must study, work, develop and improve. And early marriage often prevents this. It is indeed not easy for a young girl to combine family and work, and even more difficult - family, work, study, hobbies and friends. She finds herself forced to sacrifice. Sacrificing it all and ultimately sacrificing yourself.

But this is not the main thing. The main argument in favor of the fact that getting married at twenty is too early is that at this age a person is neither morally, as we mentioned above, nor socially ready to raise a child (although, from a medical point of view, having a child is the girl is just ready). And the child usually does not linger and is born soon after marriage. And immediately many problems and questions arise, since the girl, being a child herself, has no idea how to grow a physically and mentally healthy person from this tiny creature. In the end, instead of a child, she has a brother or sister, and her parents, instead of a grandson or granddaughter, have a son or daughter.

Of course, I'm exaggerating, but you must agree, there is some truth in this. Just as in the fact that a marriage entered into at the age of twenty can rightfully be considered an early marriage. However, a caveat must be made here too.

When talking about early marriage, we often forget about the main thing. About why and in the name of what these marriages are concluded. About what motivates young people at a young age to make such responsible decisions. We forget about what made the story of Romeo and Juliet and thousands of other equally beautiful stories come to light. eternal stories. We forget about love. About love, to which, as they say, all ages are submissive. About the love that stronger reasons and circumstances. About love, which neither at twenty, nor at thirty, nor at forty years old, has no logic and common sense. About love, which explains and justifies early marriages and makes us again and again question the fact that getting married at twenty is too early. And we again ask ourselves the question: “Could they be in love?” And again we want to believe that love will resist difficulties and will win.

Even if this is so, we should not forget that at twenty years old, perhaps the strongest, but still the first love comes to us, which rarely becomes the last. Therefore, when accepting a marriage proposal, stop and think: “Shouldn’t I wait a couple more years?” It may seem ridiculous and senseless, but the same ruthless statistics insist that in Europe the divorce rate is significantly lower than in Russia...

Ekaterina Mudrik

There is an opinion that early marriage is a rash decision of two lovers, which they make, trusting emotions rather than reason. However, early marriages are often stronger and happier than later ones. After all, they open up the opportunity to learn everything together and live best years with your loved ones.

The benefits of early marriage are many. Here are 15 of the most obvious:

1. You enjoy unforgettable moments and discover the world together. Youth - perfect time For . This is the time when you can interestingly and vividly live unforgettable moments with your life partner, leaving a baggage of memories for your children and grandchildren.

2. Form new habits. In your youth, it is much easier for you and your partner to learn to live a harmonious life together and “get used to each other.” The older you get, the more difficult it is to change habits and principles.

3. Learn to be flexible with each other. When you are young, you quickly learn the invaluable art of making compromises when it comes to important life decisions.

4. Support each other. When you are still studying or just starting to build a career, or you have to move from place to place every year or two, it is very important to have a reliable and understanding person nearby.

5. Put your partner and family first. Very important skill, which is difficult to learn with age.

6. Learn to live without quarrels. In early marriage it is easier to get rid of selfish habits and not allow them to become negative side your personality. It is much more important for you to do something pleasant for both of you together, and you easily avoid conflicts and quarrels.

7. Dial everyday experience together. You learn almost everything together, both in everyday life and in life, which means you constantly help each other overcome difficulties and acquire the most valuable life experience.

8. Plan for the future at an early age. Where are you going to live in a few years? How many children do you want to have? Which house or apartment should I choose? The sooner you decide on your life plans, the more stable your future will be. Moreover, joint planning is always exciting activity, which will allow you to get closer to your dream and create harmonious life much faster.

9. You develop more successfully and faster in your professional field. Your dreams and ambitions don't end at your wedding. On the contrary, the best creative and business ideas are born through shared discussion!

10. Learn to budget. In young age financial difficulties much easier to understand. The sooner you learn to work together and achieve financial stability, the easier and more enjoyable the years ahead will be for you. In ten years, you will still be young, and while your newlyweds of the same age are just learning how to properly manage the family budget, you and your partner will begin to reap the benefits of joint savings with pleasure.

11. Lead active image life and do not experience health problems. If you dream about big family, it's better to create family hearth in youth, when the body's reproductive rate is much higher than in older age.

12. Enjoy your youth when your children are already grown up. You are young and energetic, which means you have much more strength to leisure and playing with children.

13. Collect a huge collection of shared memories. All important events young life and significant dates you survived together. This is an opportunity that couples getting married do not have. mature age.

14. And, of course, you grow together physically and spiritually. Thanks to joint development, you look at the world in the same way. This creates similar beliefs, values, hobbies and life guidelines. Over time, you will begin to understand each other perfectly. If lovers got married in adulthood, they, as a rule, have already developed interests and hobbies. It's great if they match, but if they don't, then misunderstandings may arise.

15. You will become more mature than your single peers. As paradoxical as it sounds, this is really true. Early marriage teaches you to be responsible towards yourself, your partner and achieving your life goals. While your unmarried peers are self-absorbed (which is also not bad), you learn to be more considerate of your family.

How old were you when you got married?

Illustrations: Pinterest.com

They say that all ages are submissive to love, that to meet a truly loved one and loved one possible at 30 or 50 years old. They're looking at us from the TV screen happy couples celebrities, where husbands are twice or even three times older than their young companions. They all never tire of repeating that they marriage unions- the happiest and most reliable. But then on the screen, and in real life any girl who decides to connect her life with a man 20 years older than herself is really taking a risk. Will her prince on a white horse turn out to be an ordinary boring old man in about 10-15 years? life together, will the age difference of 20 years seem to her an insurmountable obstacle to a happy family life?

Agree that when a seventeen-year-old girl falls in love with a man 20 years older, we all shake our heads and hope that this “wind in the head” will soon pass, that the girl will switch her attention to another object that is more suitable for her age. But when a fully grown woman makes the decision to marry a man twice her age, mature woman, then we secretly “keep our fingers crossed” for her, hoping that she does not make a fatal mistake. 20 years of difference are practically different generations, where each spouse has completely different interests and temperaments. Despite this, unequal marriages with big difference aged are far from uncommon; moreover, they are becoming very popular.

Why do girls decide to have an unequal marriage?

While you are 25 years old and he is 45, then everything seems to be normal: he is still young, full of strength and desires. Friends look with curiosity and bewilderment at the handsome man gently holding your hand, and you simply glow with love and happiness. But what happens when you turn 40 and he turns 60? It is unlikely that at least one woman who decides to connect her life with a man much older than her does not think about it. But why, despite all the apparent difficulties, do they plunge headlong into this pool, what is the reason?

As sad as it may be, most often women and girls agree to marry a man about twenty years older for completely mercantile reasons. Men in advanced age have already achieved certain heights in their careers and received the status of a wealthy person respected by society. Financially, they can afford much more than young people, and this factor is decisive for many ladies. Hundreds of young girls are in a state active search rich daddy who will solve them once and for all financial difficulties. Most often, such an alliance resembles a business contract, where the roles of each spouse are prescribed in advance: she gives him her youth and body in exchange for material well-being.
Very often young girls pay attention to men twice their age because they didn’t have enough fatherly love in childhood. Every little girl needs a smart one good dad who will take care of her, give advice in difficult situations, give gifts. If all this did not happen in a girl’s life, then she involuntarily strives to warm her soul next to someone who is almost old enough to be her father. With him, she will finally feel what she so lacked in childhood - reliability, protection, affection. But can these feelings be called true love, won’t she understand over time that she doesn’t need a “father” as a husband, but an ordinary loving man?
It has long been a known fact that girls grow up much more faster than boys. And now, having reached puberty, young lady and doesn’t look at his peers, who have only computer toys and cars on their minds - give them an adult, “seen life” boyfriend. It’s much more interesting to communicate with him; he is able to see that behind the appearance of an excellent student lies a tremulous female soul. Fortunately, such hobbies usually pass quickly, and adult men can soon get tired of relationships with such young girls.
There is a category of men who prefer to play the role of a mentor in family life, and there are women who like to act as students. If these two meet and decide to create a union, then it may have every chance of success, despite the age difference. Such girls, as a rule, are not interested in communicating with peers in principle, because in life they need a wise man with rich life experience.
Of course, it also happens that two people who are 20 years apart in age simply have real feelings for each other. They love, despite the fact that they are separated “not by years, but by life.” This doesn't happen very often, but these are the people who can be truly happy in marriage. A brilliant example is the famous singer Celine Dion and her husband Rene Angelil. The husband is 26 years older than Celine; their relationship has lasted for a quarter of a century. When Rene fell ill with cancer, the singer immediately stopped her singing career and nursed her husband until he fully recovered. Doesn't this mean that marriages unequal in age can be happy if they are built on love and mutual understanding?

Disadvantages of an unequal marriage

Why does society have such a negative attitude towards marriages where the age difference between a man and a woman is very large? A couple of hundred years ago, no one would have been surprised by the union of a wealthy elderly nobleman with a young beauty. Moreover, this state of affairs was considered absolutely normal, and mercantile interests on the part of the bride were not considered something shameful. Nowadays, the attitude towards such unions is completely different. It's no secret that as men age, they are drawn to... young girls, they are attracted by their freshness, naivety and inexperience. But what is it like for the women themselves who have entered into such a union, what should they expect from such a marriage?

The most serious problem in families where the man is much older than his wife, this is a difference in interests. With a certain age, a person’s character and habits change, and this is not surprising. Gone are the days when he danced until the morning at discos, when he wanted to go out every day in search of new experiences. Closer to fifty, men prefer to lead a quiet lifestyle, and instead of fun and extravagance, they consider it better to read interesting book or watch a good TV show in the comfort of your living room. But what to do if a young woman’s blood still boils, if she wants to enjoy life, meet friends, and lead an active lifestyle? This is where the moment comes when two loving friend people stop understanding each other.
Very often, a man who marries a girl 20 years younger than himself experiences painful aging. He sees that his health and temperament no longer allow him to keep up with his young girlfriend, and this gnaws at him from the inside. Hence - groundless jealousy, nagging, fear of losing a loved one. Not every one married couple can overcome such a barrier, the constant self-criticism of a partner can destroy a marriage.
Let's face it: with age male potency weakens, which means it becomes more and more difficult for a partner to satisfy a young woman. After a couple of decades of marriage sexual relations in such a family they become a rarity. Unless the wife belongs to that rare category of ladies who are completely indifferent to sex, then this problem can become a real disaster for family life. And the point here is not only that the spouse is gradually losing his masculine strength - older men often lose interest in the process itself and carry out their marital duty"for check". Hence - either betrayal with feminine side, or separation from an aging spouse.
Many young ladies married to older men complain that their husbands do not want to have children. What's surprising here? They've already had it all in their lives: sleepless nights, baby crying, diapers, vests. Most men with such experience behind them are content with children from previous marriage, they simply do not need these physical and moral problems at their age. Therefore, it often happens that young women are faced with the question: either give up motherhood and continue to live with this person, or look for another life partner.
Sometimes in marriages where the man is much older than his wife, children do not appear for completely different reasons. After 40 years, the reproductive capacity of men declines, and the chance for their female companions to conceive healthy offspring decreases sharply. Of course, there are exceptions, and quite frequent ones, but for the most part this is the situation. If 30 years ago the “culprit” of an infertile marriage was a woman, then in our time everything has changed: now it is men who have problems with childbearing. And, unfortunately, with age this negative situation It's only getting worse.
Be that as it may, society often condemns marriages where the man is as much as 20 years older than his wife. They look at such a couple askance, talk about them behind their backs, and hurl barbs at them. A girl who chooses a man twice her age as her husband is accused of either commercialism or stupidity. For most women, this situation is quite unpleasant; they are in constant stress, experiencing the attitude of others. And what can we say about the opinion of the parents: it is not at all easy for them to cope with the fact that their daughter’s husband is the same age as the father himself. In a word, negativity pours in from all sides, and to overcome this stressful situation Not all women are capable.
Unfortunately, this is the law of life: women who marry a man 20 years older, outwardly become much older than their years, while their husbands, on the contrary, become younger. This is not surprising, because each spouse adapts to their other half, wanting to match her. Every man of advanced age subconsciously experiences the fear of death, and having found a young woman as a life partner, energetic woman, he literally adapts to her The biological clock. A young wife becomes a kind of donor: the husband becomes younger before his eyes, while she fades outwardly. Those around her quickly notice changes in the appearance of the recent beauty, and their sympathy and pitying glances do not add Have a good mood woman.

Pros of an unequal marriage

If marriage, where men are much older than their women, had only disadvantages, then it is unlikely that they would exist at all. There are a lot in the world married couples who overcame all the difficulties of living together associated with the age difference. Sometimes such unions turn out to be much stronger and more reliable than those of families where the spouses are the same age. So what are the advantages of this? unequal marriage?

One of the significant advantages of a marriage where the husband is 20 years older than his wife is that the man has rich life experience. He is no longer as reckless as in his youth, and is well aware of what needs to be done to save his family. Unlike young guys, he will carefully protect his family hearth from minor quarrels and troubles that could destroy relationships. He knows what PMS is, he knows what gifts women love and what they expect from a man in bed. In addition, such a husband is an excellent adviser; he is wiser and more prudent than his wife’s peers. Of course, in our time, young people can be surprisingly insightful and intelligent, but they lack patience and flexibility. These are just the qualities that come to people with experience.
As a rule, most men over 40 have already gained financial stability, they are able to provide their young companion decent life. There is no longer any need to save for an apartment and a car - by this age, men usually manage to become successful and financially independent. As a result, a woman receives financial stability and can calmly study, pursue a career, or do what she loves without fear that her needs will ruin the family budget.
If a husband is much older than his wife, then he is very proud of his young wife and is afraid of losing her. Hence his constant attentions and attempts to keep his young wife nearby. Such people value relationships more than their peers. And, you see, any woman is very pleased when she is so highly valued and protected.
It is unlikely that a man whose wife is 20 years younger than himself will decide to go “left”, because a beautiful wife is waiting for him at home - young and sexy. And why look for adventures on the side if he has a young, elastic body, full of fire and passion? Of course, there are exceptions, but such “gulens” exist in any marriage, and the age difference has nothing to do with it. In an unequal marriage, where the man is much older than the wife, male infidelity- a very rare phenomenon.
If a man at an advanced age is lucky enough to become a father, then you simply will not find a better dad. Agree that the attitude towards children of young parents and grandparents is quite different. People of the older generation take a much more conscious approach to raising children; their joy from communicating with them is simply enormous. With age comes the understanding that children are a great happiness, a miracle that needs to be loved and protected. Young dads are not always capable of showing such feelings towards their children. But a man who becomes a father at an advanced age will be an incredibly caring and loving parent.

IN modern world There are many happy married couples with a large age difference. In order for such a relationship to last long, it is necessary that the man and woman have similar psychotypes, common interests, love, after all. If you are truly in love, then all the problems and difficulties of an unequal marriage can be overcome. But if you have decided to marry a man 20 years older than yourself, then you must understand that sooner or later age will take its toll and your husband will grow old. Someday, from a brutal forty-year-old macho, he will turn into a gray-haired old man, swallowing pills and demanding a hot water bottle. And at this time you will still be young and good-looking, and attractive men will continue to pay attention to you.

Are you ready to become for your adult husband not only loving wife, but also a caring mother rolled into one? If yes, then you can count on a happy family union for many, many years. If not, then try to look for your happiness elsewhere - otherwise, in a couple of decades, it will be unbearably hard for you to see next to you an aged copy of the person you once loved.

depending on what kind of future husband) such as Stasik, doo in the future an ideal husband) and until you get back on your own feet, it’s not worth it, or if he’s 10-15 years older than you, there are already different concepts for everything)

You’re clearly not one of those who go to bed early... but you’re not in a hurry to get married either... think for yourself....
It seems to me that it’s even the other way around... people who walk take longer to walk...

In my opinion, at 25 years old it’s normal for both.

logic is tough

Let's put the question differently? Why do some guys marry girls, become fathers, and then get divorced? Do not you know? And I’ll tell you, because they don’t know how to do anything other than fucking and don’t want to do anything, and most importantly, they can’t be responsible for their woman and their child, and all the fingering turns out to be just cheap show-off. And the girls...yes, there are a lot of fools, well, men position themselves as smarter, claim the leading role...CONFORM! And the age of 18-21 is quite normal, if only you marry a man, and not some goldfinch...

only for a worthy partner! but in general these years just walk and walk some more)))

Do you like the process? Meet, hook up, get married and... all over again.
I think she needs a therapist.

no matter what.. the white dress has long lost its value.. now they are jumping out to get married.. they have not been girls for a long time, God forbid, and they are pregnant.. well, what kind of purity is there? .. at least in red.. now you can wear trousers to the wedding..

because the girl first of all leaves/leaves her father’s house, and that’s why she gets married. Well I think so.

Tomorrow I have 3 chemistry classes in a row and then 2 math classes in a row; (and then 2 more lessons, but I sleep in them.
and the day after tomorrow there will be 10 lessons;((((

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 11 minutes

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The traditional girl's dream is a diamond ring, wedding dress and, of course, the long-awaited prince himself. And, having received a marriage proposal, every girl asks the question - what is the best thing to do? Should I postpone the wedding and wait until my feelings are tested by time? Or should I immediately agree before the prince changes his mind? According to psychologists, it is equally wrong to immediately throw yourself into the wedding pool headlong and drag it out indefinitely. has its pros and cons at any age.

According to the law, yesterday's schoolgirl in our country can easily wear a veil. True, you still have to ask your parents for permission. Having barely received a passport, the young “bride” may well get married under such circumstances as pregnancy. But the main question remains: will such an early marriage bring happiness, or will passion die out at the very first everyday problems?

The most common reasons for getting married at 16 years old

Unexpected pregnancy.
Negative family environment.
Excessive care and control of parents.
An irresistible craving for independence.

Advantages of marriage at 16

New status and level of relationship.
Mental flexibility. The ability to adapt to your husband’s character.
A young mother will retain her external attractiveness even by the time the child graduates from school.

Disadvantages of marriage at 16

Married at 18

At this age, unlike sixteen years old, you no longer need permission from the guardianship authorities and parents for your personal happiness. And it is quite possible to meet a man in whose life there is neither an ex-wife, nor children from his first marriage, nor alimony obligations. But many of the pros and cons of getting married at 16 also apply to this age.

Advantages of marriage at 18

Blooming youth, which (usually) excludes walking strong half"left".
The opportunity to remain a “young” mother even with a very adult child.
You can make your own decision about marriage.

Disadvantages of marriage at 18

Love at this age is often confused with a riot of hormones, resulting in the chances of becoming ex-wife increase exponentially.
Maternal instincts are present in every woman, but at this age they have not yet fully awakened so that the mother can devote herself completely to the child.
Such drastic changes as the lack of opportunity to “hang out with girlfriends” or go to a club or salon often become the reasons nervous breakdowns. In marriage, you have to devote yourself entirely to your family, which, alas, not every girl at this age comes to.

Bride aged 23-27

This age, according to psychologists, is ideal for marriage. University studies are already behind us, with a diploma in hand you can find a good job, a woman can already do a lot, knows and understands what she wants from life.

Advantages of marriage at 23-27 years old

The female body is already completely ready for bearing a baby and giving birth.
The “wind in the head” subsides, and the girl begins to think more soberly.
Actions become balanced and dictated not only by emotions, but also by logic.

Disadvantages of marriage at 23-27 years old

Risk of conflict of interests (one of the couple has not yet outgrown “nightclubs”, and the other is concerned about the family budget and possible prospects).
Approaching the age when pregnancy may become problematic.

According to statistics and the opinion of psychologists, marriages that take place at this age, for the most part, are dictated not by love, but by sober calculation. In such marriages, everything is verified down to the smallest detail, from family budget before taking out the trash can. More like this marriage is like a business contract , although one cannot deny its strength - even in the absence of the “passions of youth”, marriages at this age are very strong. Precisely because of the balance of his decision.
In conclusion, we can repeat one well-known truth - “All ages are submissive to love.” Sincere mutual love knows no obstacles, and love boat, subject to trust, respect and mutual understanding, it simply cannot break into everyday life, no matter what age the Mendelssohn march starts playing.

The main reasons why people get married

Everyone wants to get married. Even those who prove the opposite. But some come out later, some earlier, depending on expectations in life. Everyone has it for marriage your motives and reasons :