The only child in the family: characteristics of upbringing and difficulties of growing up. Closer to friends

1 . features of raising one child in a family.

From birth, only children are raised in a special atmosphere. Surrounded only by adults, they acquire a narrower personal experience compared to those children who have brothers and sisters. Even in the last century, psychologists were skeptical about such a family structure. But this unambiguous assessment is not entirely justified, and today it encounters many objections.

The only child in the family For a long time, communicates closely only with adults. But being alone in the “land of giants” is not easy. The child does not have the opportunity to compare himself on a daily basis with brothers and sisters of approximately the same age. Constantly seeing in front of him only unattainable adults who know everything, the child acutely experiences personal weakness and childhood imperfection. As a result of loss of control over the situation, the child may lose faith in his own strength.

The only child is constantly in the field of view of the parents. Being vigilant, they note the moments when something does not work out for him, and if the slightest difficulties arise, the parents rush to provide all possible help. As a result of such an attitude, the child eventually begins to feel his own helplessness.

Developing in an atmosphere of immense care, only children get used to accepting the helpfulness and help of their parents as a matter of course and demand it in any situation, even when help is not required. The child begins to realize the strength of his own weakness and begins to abuse the participation and care of others. Therefore, parents often fall into the trap of a little tyrant: he needs help in everything and cannot be denied anything. Otherwise, the refusal will be followed by an attack of hysteria, tears, whims, or a demonstration of weakness. Sometimes the child uses other methods of manipulating parental behavior. For example, he complains of night terrors, somatic problems (abdominal pain, headaches, etc.). This is done so that the parents always take care of him and give in to all his whims. Children imperceptibly turn into little despots, while parents, although they feel internal fatigue, do not understand what is happening: they conclude that the child is either very sensitive or really sick with something.

An only child does not have the opportunity to communicate closely with peers, which often leads to the formation of an incorrect self-esteem. An only child tends to consider himself an extraordinary person and to place himself above those around him. At school, the child's inflated self-image is often revealed, but he strives with all his might to maintain a false image of himself.

Due to the lack of communication with brothers and sisters, it is more difficult for only children to find mutual language with peers. They do not have full experience of communication in a children's group, do not know how to adapt to the needs of other children, and do not strive to take into account their interests. Often an only child differs from his peers in his vocabulary. His speech contains many terms and adult expressions, often incomprehensible to himself and his peers; he has difficulty understanding the jokes of other children.

These features lead to the fact that only children are less popular among their peers, which, of course, affects the formation of the child’s personality. Experiencing a deficit close communication with children, the only children are already in early age start looking for new contacts. They persuade their parents to “give” or “buy” them a sister or brother, or they passionately desire to have a pet.

But, besides the disadvantages, there are also positive aspects to the situation of raising only children. Parents give them more attention and love. Only if the parents “go too far” with educational process, do not yield to the child’s initiative, do not provide him with the opportunity to try his strength, to cope with the obstacles that arise on his own, there will be much more harm than good. Unfortunately, the tendency of most parents is exactly this: since the parents have only one child. But there are parents who manage to overcome their “weakness” and create for their child normal conditions For harmonious development.

The parents of an only child have high chances develop his abilities, show more attention to his inner world, his thoughts and experiences. The closer the parents are to the child, the more actively they influence the formation of his personality.

So, we found out that the negative and positive aspects parenting in families with an only child, they leave the most vivid imprint on his personality. IN socially Only children have a number of advantages over their peers. More time is devoted to their development and training; tutors are hired for this purpose; children attend various clubs. In the future, only children receive better financial support, which plays an important role in starting an independent life.

Features of education only child in family. There are two most common points of view on this matter. First: the only child turns out to be more emotionally stable than other children, because he does not know the worries associated with rivalry between brothers. Second: an only child has to overcome more difficulties than usual in order to acquire mental balance, because he lacks a brother or sister. No matter what psychologists say, the life of one - the only child in a family often develops in such a way that confirms precisely this second point of view. Difficulties, however, are not absolutely inevitable, and yet they occur so often that it would be foolish not to notice them.

2. positive features in play. units reb.

Despite the increase in the birth rate and the increase in the number of children on playgrounds, many families are limited to one child. Some parents, when making a choice in favor of one child, are based on considerations of insufficient financial status, while others, more affluent ones, complain about a lack of time.

Parents of an only child believe that he will not need anything, will develop better and will not be deprived of their attention, like children from large families. They are right in some ways, there is another side to the coin.

The intellectual development of an only child is ahead of his peers; he not only begins to speak earlier, but also read, since his parents pay a lot of attention to him and try to develop his abilities.

Usually, such a child “grows up” early, knows how to communicate with adults on equal terms and express his opinion. Such children have quite high self-esteem. It is also believed that an only child will grow up to be emotionally stable because he does not worry about sibling rivalry.

Having many opportunities, he can fully realize himself and take his rightful place in society.

3. negative features

At the same time, an only child may experience difficulties communicating with other children and has a harder time joining the team. Parents are often overly protective of their child, trying to predict his wishes, so it is difficult for such a child to decide complex tasks and cope with stress. In addition, he may become disappointed in people, because he expects from them the same attention and concessions that his relatives made. This is especially evident at school, where the child expects the same attitude from the teacher as from his parents and does not know how to share his attention with his classmates. And if in a family the child’s interests are put above all else, he may not only grow up to be an egoist, but also not be able to take into account the interests of others.

Very often, high hopes are placed on an only child, or with the help of him, parents want to fulfill their unfulfilled dreams and plans. All this leaves an imprint on the child’s psyche, and if he is unable to meet his parents’ expectations, he becomes depressed and insecure.

Some obstacles to the mental development of children have a very specific name - greenhouse conditions, when the child is groomed, cuddled, pampered, caressed - in a word, carried in their arms. Because of such excessive attention, his mental development inevitably slows down. As a result of the excessive indulgence with which his parents surround him, he will certainly face very serious difficulties and disappointments when he finds himself outside the home circle, since he will also expect from other people the attention that he was accustomed to in his parents' home. For the same reason, he will begin to take himself too seriously. Precisely because his own horizons are too small, many little things will seem too big and significant to him. As a result, interacting with people will be much more difficult for him than for other children. He will begin to withdraw from contacts and seclude himself. He has never had to share parental love with his brothers or sisters, not to mention games, his own room and clothes, and it is difficult for him to find a common language with other children and his place in the children's community.

The only child very soon becomes the center of the family. The concerns of the father and mother, focused on this child, usually exceed the useful norm. Parental love in this case is distinguished by a certain nervousness. The illness of this child or death is endured very hard by such a family, and the fear of such misfortune always faces the parents and deprives them of the necessary peace of mind. Very often, an only child gets used to his exclusive position and becomes a real despot in the family. It is very difficult for parents to slow down their love for him and their worries, and willy-nilly they raise an egoist.

For mental development, every child requires mental space in which he could move freely. He needs internal and external freedom, free dialogue with the outside world, so that he is not constantly supported by the hand of his parents. A child cannot do without a dirty face, torn pants and fights.

An only child is often denied such space. Consciously or not, the role of a model child is imposed on him. He must say hello especially politely, read poetry especially expressively, he must be an exemplary cleaner and stand out among other children. Ambitious plans are being made for him for the future. Each manifestation of life is carefully observed, with hidden concern. Lack of good advice the child does not experience it throughout childhood. This attitude towards him carries the danger that the only child will turn into a spoiled, dependent, insecure, overestimating, scattered child.

4.Problems of parents when raising one child

It can be argued that raising an only son or only daughter is much more difficult than raising several children. Even if the family is experiencing some financial difficulties, it cannot be limited to one child. The only child very soon becomes the center of the family. The concerns of the father and mother, focused on this child, usually exceed the useful norm. Parental love in this case is distinguished by a certain nervousness. The illness of this child or death is endured very hard by such a family, and the fear of such misfortune always faces the parents and deprives them of the necessary peace of mind. Very often, an only child gets used to his exclusive position and becomes a real despot in the family. It is very difficult for parents to slow down their love for him and their worries, and willy-nilly they raise an egoist. Undoubtedly, parents with an only child usually pay excessive attention to him. In short, they care too much about him just because he is the only one they have, when in fact he is just the first. And indeed, few of us are able to calmly and competently treat our firstborn the way we later treat subsequent children. main reason here is inexperience. There are, however, other reasons, which are not so easy to detect.

For mental development, every child requires mental space in which he could move freely. He needs internal and external freedom, free dialogue with the outside world, so that he is not constantly supported by the hand of his parents. A child cannot do without a dirty face, torn pants and fights.

An only child is often denied such space. Consciously or not, the role of a model child is imposed on him. He must say hello especially politely, read poetry especially expressively, he must be an exemplary cleaner and stand out among other children. Ambitious plans are being made for him for the future. Each manifestation of life is carefully observed, with hidden concern. The child does not experience a lack of good advice throughout his childhood. Such an attitude towards him carries the danger that the only child will turn into a spoiled, dependent, insecure, overestimating, scattered child.

An only child, as a rule, is ahead of his peers in intellectual development, because he alone gets all the strength, all the time and attention of his parents and relatives. Such children begin to speak and read earlier, and they work with them a lot, trying to develop any abilities.

Being predominantly in adult company, the child often hears serious conversations and learns to communicate on equal terms with adults. He gets used to the fact that his opinion is taken into account, and his self-esteem increases. But many adults admit to themselves: when raising one child, it is difficult to avoid difficulties and distortions. And what's in big family children receive naturally, in the process of communication, play, due to the need to build relationships with a variety of people, an only child can receive it only thanks to some special efforts made by adults.

Psychologists advise parents to first understand why they no longer want children. It is important. Having a child not for his own sake, not for his life, but for himself is not an uncommon option. In this case, all expectations, all hopes are transferred to the only child, the parents do not accept him for who he is, but form an ideal image and integrate the baby into an artificial scheme. This can lead to deviations in the behavior and development of the child. It must be recognized that a child is a completely separate being, he has the right to his own path of development and really needs to be treated with respect.

An only child needs to be provided with those ways of relating to people and to life that are naturally formed in large families. And it would be good for adults to know about the main age periods of child development, so as not to force the child to jump over the steps of this natural, nature

Many parents, remembering their bleak childhood in kindergarten, do not want the same for their children. IN best case scenario baby is coming to kindergarten before entering school. If you have one child, send him to kindergarten, preferably no later than four years of age. He really needs a team!

Parents who have only one child live under great stress. Their child is both the first and the last, he is their only chance to show their parenting abilities, so they strive to do everything right.

Parents' concern and attachment to the child increases if this child is the only one, because in this case the parents and the child are “tuned” to each other. Close intimacy forces both parties to tirelessly worry about how to bring joy to each other. Often one feels emotional discomfort when the other gets into trouble or is upset about something.

In such an intense relationship, it often happens that parents sincerely want to give their child the best, and the child feels obligated to live up to the parents' expectations.

Living under unflagging parental attention, the child treats them as the most important people in the world and enjoys the same attitude towards himself.

The union of two parents and one child seems unbreakable, and when divorce breaks up such a family, the child experiences great shock.

The world that revolved around him was destroyed. Now there is one less parent around him to solve his problems. Because the live-in mother is now busier and less available, she delays or even refuses to fulfill requests that were previously granted automatically. An only child is forced to adapt to his mother's reactions, which seem new and unpleasant. Divorce often takes away a lot from the only child in a family from what he is used to.

It can be painful for an only child to see his parents alone because being with one of them makes him miss the other. The child yearns for the old cozy trinity that they once formed together. This pain becomes immeasurably greater if divorced parents cannot get rid of their grudges against each other. Their ongoing confrontation tears apart the child's faithful heart and gives rise to a deep internal conflict. So close, so loved - whose side should I take? The greatest joy divorced parents can bring to their only child is by reconciling with each other, and the sooner the better. Remember that only children have a particularly difficult time with divorce.

Beyond the impact of divorce, there are common characteristics common to most only children that can sometimes be a cause for concern. This is the very feeling of uniqueness, which entails difficulties in emancipation, socialization, and acceptance of social norms.

Most only children have a clear sense of self (this also applies to first children who were also only for some time). Their self-expression and self-development are encouraged, their interests and capabilities are taken to heart. Their efforts are encouraged and their successes are rewarded.

Taking advantage of the increased attention and support of their parents, they can quickly become imbued with an exaggerated sense of their own importance; their self-esteem, as a rule, is inflated. In relationships with people, only children often take their opinions into account much more to a greater extent than with a stranger. In this case, they must be taught to respect the legitimate needs of others.

Families can be complete and incomplete, one-child and two-child, nuclear and three-generation, based on remarriage parent... Today let's look at the features of raising an only child in a complete two-generation (nuclear) family consisting of father, mother and child.

What are the pros and cons

Single child families predominate in Russian life(especially in big cities) for several decades. Of course, only children can expect more attention and care, adoration, compliance and love. Parents can be closer to the child, actively develop his abilities and natural inclinations, take him to art studios, creative and sports centers, teach your only one languages... But the temptation is also great to “go too far” in terms of love and care. According to experts, in a one-child family, the cult of the child is more often observed, when the entire life of adults is focused around a single “treasure”, and in families with only children, the mistakes and mistakes of parents leave a brighter mark on their personality.

Problems of an only child in a family

Here is a child trying to do something on his own - but help is already on the way, there will always be someone who will save the “little lord” from his troubles. Here is your only one trying to sort things out with a peer on the playground - they would have agreed on their own, but adults are already rushing to help. Often, parents of only children do not allow them to make decisions and realize their intentions - in everything from choosing food and clothing to independently deciding on regularly occurring problems. minor problems. But all this helps growing people gain the experience of “standing on their own feet.”

Often, each parent tries to make their only child prodigy, thereby loading the child to the limit. However, overprotection does not allow the development creativity. On the contrary, taking for granted the care and attention of others, the child can “get stuck” in the illusion that the present is only what the other person guessed and insisted on. In general, “mom knows best what I need.” The output is social immature personality, accessible to all sorts of more or less harmless manipulations.

Practice shows that parents of only children have different attitudes towards the need to set clear boundaries for their children. Some will never learn to say “no” to their only one, or to prevent various childhood “disgraces.” It is easier for an adult to clean up scattered toys after a child or wipe a dirty table, thereby voluntarily and unwittingly maintaining the situation of “avoiding growing up.” As a result, parents of only children often feel overwhelmed by their beloved child as if it were hard work, and feel exhausted and discouraged.

If an only child is surrounded only by adults from birth, he comes to kindergarten or school with low potential social adaptation in a society of peers. And if, moreover, a little man, accustomed to his exclusivity, tries to “build” his peers, bitter disappointment can leave a serious imprint on his future “career.” Children probably instinctively anticipate something like this. Do you think it’s by chance that only children often persistently ask to “buy” them a brother, sister, or dog?.. They often desperately miss the company of equals.

Problems of raising an only child in a family

The life of an only child is not so easy in the current world of stress and emotional stress. They often find themselves involved in difficult relationships own parents. As a result, the foundations of serious emotional and psychological trauma. That is why the broad social connections of a one-child family are so important - grandparents, cousins ​​and second cousins and sisters, family friends to eliminate problems in raising a child...

It is more difficult for only children to adapt to any changes in the emotional balance in the family. And here they are irreplaceable role-playing games- including the classic "House Game". By the way, with the right approach, boys build their own “family within a family” no less willingly than girls. On the tab for the next issue we will place a set of paper figures - members of a “toy” family for amateur games with a child: “Family at home”, “Birthday”, “Vacation trip”, etc. By playing with your child, you will learn a lot about his ideas about family structure and family interaction.

If a child has some gaming experience, most likely he himself will choose a plot for a “toy” family, will try to realize his plan, create game situations with figures. An adult can become an equal partner of a child - no doubt, he will appreciate it!

What household chores will the members of the “toy” family do? Maybe the toys will go on vacation to the sea or get ready for a birthday? Follow the development of the storyline set by the child, and offer your ideas for the development of the plot exclusively from the role of the game. For example, the family was going to visit, and the child toy, whose role you played, had a fever. The child himself will develop the course of the game in connection with new plot clues. Combine several game plots at once... and play to your health!

Despite government programs encouraging young families to have a second child, in most families parents do not dare to have a second (third, etc.) child. Here, of course, opinions may differ: someone will say that one child in a family is not a child and that this serious problem for the family and the child himself, and for some, even one in our time is more than enough, because even programs do not solve the problems that arise.

Photo © The Children Dream

What do psychologists see as the problem of an only child in a family?

1. An unrealized dream

As a rule, if there is an only child in the family, all attention is concentrated on him. In it, parents try to realize their unfulfilled aspirations. For example, as a child, a mother wanted to become a pianist, but she had neither the opportunity nor the ability, and now she drags the child into music school, despite the fact that he also has no hearing. She will find the best teachers, will pay for any tutors so that her child fulfills her dream. But at the same time, her efforts run counter to the wishes of the child himself. As a result, the child develops internal tension from the inability to meet the mother’s wishes and from his own unfulfilled needs. This usually ends with the development of neurosis in the child.

It happens that young parents model the behavior of their parents. For example, a mother dreams of seeing her daughter become a violinist and makes her play the violin for a long time. As a result, having received a musical education, the girl never approached the violin again. later, when she starts a family, she will do the same with her child.

They buy a lot of toys for the only child in the family, to which he quickly loses interest, since more often they buy them not because he wants to have these toys, but because his parents did not have such toys in childhood. Most often, moms and dads justify these pointless purchases with phrases like: “My child will have everything that I didn’t have as a child.” They believe that this is exactly what is needed for their child. They have no idea why the child gets tired of these toys so quickly and continues to ask for what he really wants. And parents accuse their child of being ungrateful and spoiled.

Often parents choose a school, university, specialty, profession, and sometimes even friends and life partners for their only child. This choice is again determined not by the child’s desire, but by their own unrealized dreams. They explain such actions by caring for the child, because they do not wish him harm, they just know better what he needs.

No matter how much parents want a better future for their child, unconsciously they wish to realize their own dreams. If they really wished him well, they would not decide his fate for him, but, on the contrary, would encourage his initiative to make his own choice. By constantly making choices for the child, parents raise a passive, uninitiative person. Suppressing all the child’s feelings and desires subsequently leads to stress, depression, and nervous breakdowns.

2. Spoiled

The other side of the problem of having an only child is being spoiled. Here it is not the parents who make all the decisions for the child, but the child for them. The child is the center of the universe, the earth revolves around him, absolutely everything is allowed to him. if he wants something, then his parents will definitely fulfill his desire. Accustomed to receiving everything that comes to his mind at that moment, he will not be able to achieve anything in life if mom and dad are not nearby. Spoilage develops continuously, and he may subsequently experience a number of serious behavioral disorders.

Parents of their only child are constantly in a tense state, fearing for the fate of their baby. The fear of losing a child takes possession of them every time he becomes ill. The only child goes to the doctor very often, takes an incredible amount of medications, which do not so much improve his health as worsen it. Parents constantly fear for his health: any hint of overwork gives the child the right not to go to school, not to do household chores, etc.

Parents upon occurrence conflict situation child, play on his feelings of guilt:

- I gave you my whole life.

“I dedicated my whole life to you, I did so much for you.”

These phrases are based on the egoistic belief that the child should also devote his entire life to his parents. Very often such a conflict arises between a single mother and only son. Parents of an only child lose their sense of proportion when caring for him, drowning out his desire for independence and independence with this care.

It is very important for a child to communicate not only with his parents and other relatives, but also with his peers. And he can get the first experience of such communication if there are two or more children in the family. In the family, children learn to establish normal relationships not only with each other, but also with the world around them. An only child does not know how to establish contact with other children, he does not understand the feelings of his peers, which means that in the future he will not be able to understand people and will not take into account their desires.

IN modern psychology there is such a thing as "only child syndrome". An only child is more excitable, more prone to behavioral disorders, and has poor relationships with other people. When playing with other children, he never acts as a leader, and if he tries to become one, the guys can besiege him. A child who is accustomed to receiving everything without making any effort for it does not know how to defend his interests or gain authority from others, and this in turn leads to the appearance of aggressiveness.

Today, one of the factors in preventing deviations from norms in a child’s behavior is changing the conditions in which he develops, namely birth.

Of course there is a lot in this article controversial issues, but remember that we are not talking about a small only child, but a grown-up one. On my own behalf, I can say that, in my opinion, a lot depends on the parents themselves, their upbringing style, approaches to upbringing, and under what conditions this only child was born. I, and you too, know many examples when an only child had no problems with behavior and attitude towards other people and grew up to be a wonderful person.

From book

Kristina Bakhareva « Psychological rehabilitation in childhood" To buy in Labyrinth.ru

Being the only object of parental care and love is both an honorable and rather difficult test for a child. He gets used to privileges and loves to constantly be in the spotlight. However, adults need to strive to ensure that this isolated position does not bring him problems in the future. And here much will depend on the characteristics of upbringing and parental wisdom.

The presence of one child in a Russian family a hundred years ago was rare, but now it is a common thing. According to statistics, approximately 60-65% of families in Russia that have children are families with only one child. Women nowadays decide to give birth to their first children later and later, so the main obstacle to the birth of second children is age. Continuing your career is not enough high level life and other negative aspects often lead to the fact that having two or more children becomes an unaffordable luxury.

In any case, the number of children is a personal decision of the spouses. If you are still not sure whether to give your to a unique child younger brother or little sister, let’s try to clarify what the pros and cons of such a common phenomenon in modern Russia, as “the only baby in the family.”

pros

1. Parents can satisfy all the needs of their beloved child. Any toys expensive entertainment, clothes for every taste and color - absolutely everything that the baby wants, mom and dad strive to bring to life. Also, an only child has a much greater chance of getting a good education, because studying at a prestigious university costs a lot of money.
2. It is believed that a child growing up without sisters and brothers is usually more developed than his peers. A rather controversial point, but there are grounds for such an opinion. In the case of raising one child, parents immediately notice all his talents and creative inclinations. If he draws well, he is enrolled in a drawing club; if he has hearing and voice, he is enrolled in a music school. Typically, parents support and encourage any hobby of their only child, be it the desire to play sports or collecting rare and expensive cars.
3. Thanks to special position In the house, the baby receives a lot of attention, care and affection from his parents. And if you add grandparents on both sides, then such children simply “bathe” in love. Experts, noting the advantages of such treatment, consider the only child in the family to be more emotionally stable. After all, he does not know the worries and anxieties that are associated with constant competition for the attention of adults.

There may be other arguments in favor of an only child, but rest assured, they will all come down to the convenience of, first of all, the parents. Yes, it’s easier with one baby. And when he grows up, few mothers and fathers will risk re-plunging into the worries associated with the baby.

Minuses

1. Children who undividedly enjoy the love and care of their parents run the risk of growing up as “inveterate” egoists. Sometimes they don’t even realize that they need to make compromises, share with someone and sacrifice their own interests. Therefore, such children often have problems adapting to educational institutions, when they realize that they are not the most important, unlike at home.
2. Perhaps the most important disadvantage for such a baby is limited children's communication. Many parents are afraid to let their child walk alone in the yard, and some also do not want to invite other children to visit. So often the only interlocutors and playmates are the TV and adults.
3. Sometimes such children strive for perfection in all types of activities, wanting to please mom and dad, who set inflated and unrealistic demands. Being a perfectionist, the only child gets very upset if he doesn't do well in school or sports.
4. Some parents strive to surround their treasure with excessive attention, turning into hyperprotection. If the baby gets sick, within a few minutes medical luminaries gather at his crib. Something didn’t work out in school - mom and dad go to help. The child no longer wants to make efforts to achieve the desired result.

Of course, there are many examples that such a child does not have any special problems with behavior and easily settles down. friendly relations with his peers and grows up to be a wonderful person in all respects. It all depends on the right parenting tactics and family values.

How to raise the only child in the family?

Don't try to grow him into a continuation of yourself. Let your baby find his own development path, have personal preferences and do what he likes.

In some situations it is simply necessary to say such important words as “no” and “cannot”. Nobody wants dusty toys that no one plays with. Teach your child to appreciate what he has.

Don't try to correct his mistakes. If a child quarreled with a friend, received an unsatisfactory grade, or did not clean his room, do not rush to do it for him. The ability to solve his own problems will be useful to him in adulthood.

Expand your child's social circle. Involve him in a busy social life (sports and creative clubs) so that he doesn’t get bored playing only computer games and watching children on TV. Visit playgrounds(besides kindergarten), where he can easily communicate with peers. If you have friends with children the same age, organize a Sunday playdate.

Teach him to cope with disappointments and failures. If the kid didn't get the main role in children's party, his team lost in a competition or he "only" came second in a competition, teach him how to deal with disappointment. Explain that he did everything possible and even impossible.

There are many reasons why spouses decide to have only one child. However loving mom with dad they can raise their only child well-mannered and smart person. Therefore, I would like to remind you once again that the most important thing for the development of children is not the presence of brothers and sisters, but reasonable and affectionate parents.

"One? He will be miserable! It is necessary to have brothers and sisters!” – even if until now you were sure that your baby will be the only child in the family, such words can cast doubt on your plans. You begin to question whether it is really right to have only one child, how this will affect the child, and whether not having siblings will harm the child. In practice, being an only child in a family means not only putting up with disadvantages, but also having some advantages.

What disadvantages await a child who has no brothers and sisters?

1. No play partner.

2. Difficulties in maintaining contacts with peers.

If parents do not see the need to teach their child to communicate, an only child may eventually experience difficulties in relationships with others. He does not know how to give in, to adapt to the needs of others, which leads to rejection by the group, and, of course, to suffering.

3. High expectations of parents.

An only child has a harder time when it comes to mom and dad's expectations. Even if expectations are not high at an early age, later baby meet them. An only child is your only chance. The child must bring the best grades and be the most respected in the class. However, parents will more easily accept a child’s shortcomings if he is not the only one in the family. If one child fails, there is hope for the second.

4. Overprotective parents.

The youngest child always seems small to parents, regardless of age. The only child will always be the youngest, so you have to come to terms with parental overprotection. As a result, the child is kept in a cage, which causes him great suffering.

5. Caring for parents in old age.

Few people think about this disadvantage of being an only child in a family. This topic will only be relevant in late maturity and will address issues of caring for elderly parents. No one will be able to share responsibilities or at least support such a child financially. The only child must take everything upon himself.

Being one child in a family is not so bad

After reading the list of disadvantages, it may seem to you that being an only child in the family means being unhappy. This is wrong. Having no brothers and sisters also has a number of advantages.

1. Be the center of attention of parents.

Having no siblings means that there is no need to compete for mom and dad's attention; all their attention is focused on just one person. Mom always (or almost always) reads fairy tales to you because she is not feeding the baby at this moment, dad turns a blind eye to minor offenses. There is also no comparison with a brother or sister.

2. Financial benefits.

It is obvious. An only child has everything or almost everything. Best clothes, best toys, more interesting activities and super vacations. This is, of course, some exaggeration, but there is no doubt that an only child has more.

3. No conflicts.

You can find advantages in conflicts between children, but this does not change the fact that they are simply unpleasant for both parties. An only child does not fight with his brother or sister over broken toys, clothes, and much more.

4. No need to look after others.

Less and less often, the age difference between children is only a year or two. Often parents wait several years to have a second child. This means that subsequently caring for the younger one will partially fall on the shoulders of the older one, and this complicates life, forces you to change plans and leads to conflicts with parents. Only children are not in danger of this.

Conclusion

You can, of course, consider the issues of having another child from the point of view of the benefits for the first child. But this shouldn't be the most important criterion. First of all, we must think about whether we, the parents, want another child. Because everything else, as shown above, has its pros and cons.