How to dissuade your wife from... How to dissuade your wife from divorce, advice from a psychologist

Divorce on the initiative of the wife has recently become quite common. Sociological surveys have shown that women rate the quality of their marriage lower than men. A wife may also demand a divorce for educational purposes, wanting to influence her husband. If a wife wants to get a divorce, but does not file for divorce, then this is most likely a method of manipulating her husband, but in some cases the wife thus shows the last drop of her patience and makes it clear to the man that he needs to do or change something in your behavior.

Reasons why women want a divorce

A sociological survey showed the reasons why women demand a divorce:

6.5% – unpreparedness for family life;

7% – the woman has another partner;

8% – husband’s betrayal;

13.5% – use of psychotropic substances or alcoholism;

41% – dissimilarity of characters;

24% – individual reasons (with each reason scoring less than 5%).

It turns out that in most cases women want to get a divorce because of differences in character. Where did this reason come from, what to do with it, and how to dissuade your wife from breaking up the family? After all, women didn’t have any special complaints about this before!

Why women file for divorce - a little history

Before the revolution, it was unprofitable for a wife to get a divorce, since the household was shared and represented the only source of income. In Tsarist Russia, all issues regarding divorces and marriages were decided by the church.

In 1917, a revolution occurred, and the divorce procedure was simplified; it could be obtained at the registry office. In addition, the personal life of Soviet people was in plain sight, and family disagreements and problems were openly discussed in work collectives and at meetings. But still, divorces rarely occurred, since Soviet society did not encourage them.

The Soviet Union collapsed, and Western values ​​increasingly began to invade the lives of Russians, and much changed in family relationships. Nowadays you won’t surprise anyone with divorce, and every year there are more and more of them.

Of course, it’s good that in our time personal life is not controlled by party committees, trade union committees and other public organizations. But on the other hand, now in almost every family their personal “I” has come to the forefront, both for men and women, and not for “We”. This is where it all started! Anything goes wrong and there's a divorce. This is especially true for the female half of humanity, since they are more emotional and pay too much attention to little things.

The Russian government is trying to solve this problem and prevent divorces, because a good family is the basis of the state.

Today there are more and more successful women who can independently provide for themselves and their children. Once a husband disappoints his wife, she calmly files for divorce, because today a woman has a successful career and provides for herself. Financial independence from her husband allows the wife not to turn a blind eye to her husband’s serious shortcomings, and to calmly leave family relationships that do not bring her moral satisfaction.

Behavioral reasons for divorce

• inability to resolve conflicts, constant scandals and quarrels over trifles;
• separate living;
• the man refuses to manage the common household and provide for it;
• treason;
• illegal actions;
• drug addiction and alcoholism.

Material reasons for divorce

• lack of necessities;
• husband's debts;
• housing problem;
• loss of ability to work.

Psychological reasons for divorce

• irritation;
• fell out of love;
• jealousy;
• sexual incompatibility;
• difference in outlook on life.

How to dissuade your spouse from divorce?

First of all, it is necessary to find out why the wife filed for divorce or is just planning to do so. Analyze your behavior, reconsider the reasons for divorce and think about how acceptable they are in your case. If you don’t see a clear reason for divorce, then calmly and as frankly as possible talk with your spouse and try to dissuade her. You can also seek help from a family psychologist. He will analyze the situation and give advice that will help save the family and tell you what to do next.

• Become different. If you decide to save your marriage and don't want to let your wife go, then you need to change. Very often, women talk about divorce (if there are no apparent reasons) when they are tired of the daily routine. The wife does not want to feel like a housewife; it is important for her to remain a desired and beloved woman. In this case, you can dissuade from divorce by simply relieving your wife of some household responsibilities, or going on vacation. The spouse will again feel like a desirable woman, and most likely will forget about the divorce.
• Become a man. Nobody needs a man who is a doormat. A married woman wants to feel fragile and weak, to hide behind her lover’s back from all adversity. Therefore, no self-respecting woman can stand a weakling or a man-child for long. The main thing here is to find the middle - to be independent, but to listen to the opinion of your wife and take it into account, to be strong, but not callous and rude. Therefore, if your spouse has filed for divorce, pull yourself together and try to peacefully and tactfully find out what exactly does not suit her, and only after that, think about how you can correct the situation and dissuade your spouse from divorce. You can tell her the following words: “I am a man, trust me, I take responsibility for our family, trust me, and I will prove to you that I can fix everything... etc.”
• Become more caring and gentle. Women in marriage very often lack tenderness and warmth. This is why many women declare their desire to get a divorce for no apparent reason. Therefore, if you are not ready to lose your spouse, change, become more affectionate and attentive, remember the time when you just started the relationship. A trip to the cinema or a restaurant, small gifts, compliments and words of gratitude will help you dissuade your wife from divorce.
• Start earning money.

The wife may not have enough money. And in this case, it is unpleasant for her to watch her husband who does not want to do anything, does not move up the career ladder, but simply lies on the sofa. Do not allow your woman to solve the problem of lack of money, deprive herself of small things, or take on debt. If you decide that your wife filed for divorce due to financial reasons, then try to find a new better-paying job or work overtime.

Video on the topic

• Show your spouse her importance in your eyes. If your wife says that she stopped loving you or filed for divorce for another reason, try to show her importance. Try to give your spouse more attention, talk more often about your devotion and love. If you don't have children, tell her that you wish she were pregnant. If your wife has not stopped loving you, then she will definitely stay and refuse the divorce, because with these simple actions and words you will show her how important and valuable she is to you. This is one of the most effective ways to help dissuade your spouse from divorce.
• Remind her how it all began. Women live by emotions. Therefore, remember those times when everything was fine for you, when your romance was just beginning. Take your wife to her favorite place, give flowers, light candles, open a bottle of wine, in general, reenact the actions of the past. There is a high probability that in this revived atmosphere, your spouse will understand that she has not stopped loving you, but is simply tired of routine and everyday hassles, and she will most likely abandon the idea of ​​divorce.
• Live separately. If your wife does not want to understand you, and you cannot dissuade her from divorce, then offer to live separately. Leave your shared apartment for a while (rent a separate place for yourself), but under no circumstances disappear from your spouse’s life. Allow your wife to cool down and take a break from family responsibilities. But at this time you must do things that will prove your love and desire to save your family. Give small gifts, make surprises, for example, send flowers or a fruit basket. The main thing is not to come to her in person, so that she has time to get bored, relax and think about everything. Your wife will see your romantic mood and her heart will thaw.

These rules should only be used if you really have feelings and your wife means more to you than just a “stove.” These 7 simple tips help solve almost all reasons for divorce.

Helping men from the psychological side

If you failed to dissuade your wife from divorce, and she filed an application, but you still have feelings, then it is best to seek help from a psychologist.

Men hide their feelings, and male pride plays a big role. That is why, during a divorce initiated by a woman, a man falls into deep depression, he becomes vulnerable and has many complexes, which has negative psychological consequences.

Problems that a psychologist helps solve

In a divorce, a man is deprived of important moral values. He loses his beloved woman, he has some restrictions in communicating with his children, and to some extent he loses the right to raise his children. Also, a divorced man is faced with everyday problems that were previously the responsibility of his wife (cleaning the apartment, cooking, keeping the wardrobe in order).

When faced with everyday problems, a man begins to realize how many difficult issues a woman solved, gave him care and created a comfortable environment and coziness. Because of this, a divorced man begins to feel loneliness and discomfort.

On the one hand, after a divorce, a man no longer has responsibility for the entire family, but at the same time, he begins to realize that he is not even able to cope with responsibility for himself.

Bachelor life, of course, has a lot of its advantages, but after having had enough fun, a man understands that it is better to live in a family than to be completely free. In addition, after a divorce, many men go to extremes - they start drinking a lot, overeating, and succumbing to the temptation of unprotected sex and other entertainment. Of course, every man has the right to live his life after a divorce the way he wants, but a psychologist will still help you avoid some serious mistakes.

Psychologists advise men after a divorce to give up drinking and unprotected sex. Set a goal for yourself and try to achieve it. You can devote all your free time to work or start learning a sport. First of all, you need to remain a man and not go to extremes.

It is also imperative to analyze your entire family life, identify your mistakes that led to the divorce, and draw conclusions. A new serious relationship should only begin when you have completely let go of your old life.

Men's rights

The Family Code states that a man has the right to prevent divorce. By law, each spouse has the right to judicial protection of rights.

The personal non-property rights of spouses are protected in court. For example, if one of the spouses does not want a divorce. The interests of both parties are protected in court when disputes arise between spouses about the division of property and children. A spouse does not have the right to file for divorce if the wife is pregnant or the child is under 1 year old. But at the same time, a pregnant wife or with a child under 1 year old has the right to file for divorce.

Good question) Okay

Personally, I don’t understand why do this? Most likely your wife doesn’t understand this either. All she wants is to be happy and confident in the future.

Most likely, if she wants to get a divorce, it means she is not happy now, and is not confident in the future, or rather, does not see your future together. She has the same question: “Why not get a divorce, why save the family?” Looks like it's boiling...

If you don’t enjoy seeing your wife smiling, seeing her happy, most likely in order to save your family you will go out of your way to do everything possible and impossible, but the more you do what you don’t want, the more you will hate what you do .

The second point, why the hell are you interfering with women’s concerns, it’s important for them to save their family, if you are the best man, any woman will consider it an honor to be your wife. Hence the conclusion, become a man, start bringing a mammoth into the family, become independent, responsible, strong, honest, fair, and you will not need to worry about your family, you will have the best one, all women will envy your wife.

There is such a proverb, change yourself and the whole world will change, it works, I tested it on myself.

A little different from the answer you expected, right? Are you upset or thoughtful?

Remember the movie The Matrix, eat the liver, as soon as you finish chewing it you will immediately feel better. You can write to me, I won’t promise, but maybe I can help, the only thing I can’t become for you is what your wife needs, everything is in your hands. And bending over is not a good idea, because when bending over, a person kills his personality, his inner self, and if there is no inner self, such a person is not interesting. You fall in love with the person who has what you want and what you lack. What is she missing? What does every woman miss? Love warmth affection understanding care emotions feelings confidence reliability security?

One of the recipes:

1.Sport (strength of spirit)

2. Hobbies (interesting as a person)

3. A clear word (stability) - he said he made a nosebleed, not only for her but for everyone.

4. Friends (position in society, influence, independence) – women crave men who influence the world around them.

When there is an inner core, any woman falls in love until she loses her pulse. And over time, the woman kills this male core herself, and the man, due to his inexperience, allows him to do this. The end result is the result that is obtained. And all these disagreements, disagreements, misunderstandings, betrayals, quarrels, these are all consequences. Pimples come out not because they wanted to come out, but because something happened in the body that gave the impetus to these pimples to come out.

The recipe triggers the masculine energy that women are drawn to. When the polarity is the same, the magnets repel each other. The laws of physics have not been repealed.

There are other recipes, you need to look individually.

The wife wants a divorce, but the husband doesn’t want to: what to do - advice from psychologists

The reasons why women take such a difficult step are different:

1. Material (debts, lack of own housing, etc.);
2. Behavioral (betrayal, frequent minor quarrels, misunderstandings, etc.);
3. Psychological (jealousy, lack of sex or dissatisfaction with a partner, loss of feelings, etc.).

Often, men do not notice the critical point in a relationship until the spouse raises the issue head-on and files for divorce.

And here the spouse begins to puzzle over how to save the family and what happened, what are the real reasons?

The only correct solution to the problem, suitable for any family, can be a conversation.

The husband must show the attention and patience of his wife; she herself will most likely admit the truth of the reasons for the decision made or will make it clear unambiguously what is wrong in the family.

There is no need to put pressure and blame her for the failure of your family., thereby trying to justify himself. This behavior escalates the situation and reinforces her desire to get a divorce.

How to dissuade your wife from divorce

Words alone that will make you change your mind about getting a divorce will probably not be enough. The spouse must take some action that proves the importance of preserving the family and the significance of its presence in your life.

Start with yourself:

• Try changing. Maybe the reason is in everyday routine (household chores, lack of help from the husband with housework) and small changes will add color to life together.
• Add masculinity and brutality. Women love strong, dominant men with opinions and the ability to make decisions. The main thing is not to overdo it. Since it is still worth listening to the spouse’s opinion, depriving her of the right to vote can only aggravate the situation.
• Show care and tenderness. Lack of attention from your husband makes you think that the relationship is over and you need to get rid of it. But it’s so easy to bring a small bouquet of her favorite flowers or her favorite treat, even if she keeps her figure and doesn’t overindulge in sweets, say a couple of gentle words.
• Change your job to a more profitable one. The material component in the family is also important. And if a spouse prefers to spend more time on the couch instead of earning money and providing for the family, no woman will want to put up with this.
• Contact a psychologist. He is not just a certified specialist in the field of family relationships, but an uninterested person who will weigh the arguments of both sides and suggest how to find a way out of the current situation.

What arguments to give

When puzzling over the question of how to dissuade your wife from the idea of ​​divorce, what arguments to give, it is worth remembering that women are emotional beings. Therefore, remind your wife how good everything was at the very beginning of the relationship. Let the wonderful moments of the beginning of your romance emerge in her memory.

Children can be another argument. Prove to your spouse, not only in word but also in deed, that children and she are the meaning of your life.

If there are children

How to keep a woman who has been a wife for a long time and who gave birth to a child, or maybe even more than one? This question torments almost all couples over whom the sword of Damocles hangs.

If the husband does not want to get a divorce, only because he is accustomed to the status of a family man and all the benefits that flow from it, and the wife herself is seen more as a woman who looks after the house, raises the child, washes, cooks and cleans, then you should not try to save the marriage only for the sake of the children.

If the looming danger of losing her reminded you that you love your family and simply began to take them for granted, then it’s time to correct the situation. Establish contact with your children, spend more time with them. Women see the relationship between father and child and understand that another man, no matter how wonderful, will not replace him.

In addition, the child is an excellent ally who will help dissuade your mother from rash actions if your wife has not yet filed for divorce.

Legal points: what can a husband do to prevent his wife from getting a divorce?

Can a man legally prevent a divorce?

If a spouse has filed an application for divorce in the absence of the consent of the second spouse, then the law provides for mandatory consideration of this application in court.

But even the absence of the husband’s approval for divorce will not become an obstacle to making a decision, since the law provides for a procedure (a very sensible article, be sure to read it!).

The only thing the husband can do is to ask the court to give a period for reconciliation, citing the fact that he intends to save his family.

This is exactly what lawyers advise.

In this case, especially if there are children, the court suspends the consideration of the case and gives a conciliation period of three months. If during this conciliation period the husband does not convince his wife to change the decision, he will not have the opportunity to postpone the decision.

So that later in a hurry you don’t torment yourself with questions of saving your family, you shouldn’t forget here and now that there may not be a second chance. A family is the same as a job where there are no vacations, days off or sick leave.

Maybe you have your own experience in this matter? Share it in the comments!

Hello! I’m 29, my wife is 25, we’ve been married for 5 years, the problem is this: at the moment we’ve been living separately for the 3rd week, there were mistakes on my part in terms of the fact that due to my work schedule I couldn’t devote more time to my family, children, there’s a mess going on in my head, I love my wife, I adore my children, we lived with her parents, nothing was limited financially, I paid for household expenses and did not refuse anything, there was a moment I got carried away with betting for about 2 months, lost a tidy sum of about 2 months of salary, then I gave up this business and realized that I was stupid, I really regret it, my wife knew about it and was silent, she walked gloomily for a long time and didn’t talk, naturally I was angry too, until the moment when I got carried away in gambling, as if there was always money, my wife was sitting at home with the children, I understood that I was tired of the everyday life, I said I want to take courses and work, I said ok, work, paid for my studies, supported me financially, bought everything she needed for her work, started working there, it didn’t work out here it didn’t work out, and she said a lot, then that I don’t strive for anything, we stand in one place, household chores stand still, you don’t do anything around the house, etc. I have 1 day off per week, during this time I have time to play a little with the children; I have two of them, 4 and 2 years old , do a little work around the house and it’s already evening, at work the schedule is not standardized, sometimes I leave very late, the time to get home takes 1.5 hours, for example, you leave work at 22:00 and get home at 23:30 and naturally tired of traffic jams from steering wheel, and now the wife declares that she has accumulated everything, she’s tired of everything, packed up your things, leave, they haven’t officially divorced yet, but she says it’s a formality, that she doesn’t love, there are no feelings, no sympathy, I don’t know what to do, I went to see the children on weekends , I don’t see her, she got a job, yesterday I picked her up from work and all the way I tried to pour into her brain that divorce is not a solution to problems, I said that I was sorry for my mistakes and that everything would not be the same, I convinced her to compromise, but everything is a refusal, no no and no, I don’t see the point and I know how everything will be if I give you a chance, you start thinking about the children, your soul breaks, where to start I don’t know, there are so many thoughts in my head, mostly bad, jealousy, I asked myself a hundred times Do I really love her, unfortunately yes, I feel bad myself, what should I do?? Where to begin?

Psychologist Olga Pavlovna Panchuk answers the question.

Alimzhan, good afternoon!

From your message, I understood that your relationship with your wife has gone wrong, for which you blame yourself. Your wife wants a divorce, but you are against it and don’t know how to convince her not to get a divorce.

To begin with: in a relationship there are always two people and two people are also responsible for the relationship. Therefore, you should not take the blame only on yourself.

I can understand that with such a difficult work schedule, it was difficult to solve all household chores on one day off. In this case, you could organize the process so that someone would do the household chores for you: call a handyman to fix something, etc. And really spend your free time with your family.

Because of such tension, you turned to gambling, which helped you temporarily escape from reality and relieve emotional stress.

“My wife was sitting at home with the children, I realized that I was exhausted and tired of everyday life” - here it is not at all clear who was exhausted and tired. The one-sentence writing style and missing letters make it difficult to analyze anything.

“That’s what she said a lot, that I don’t strive for anything, we stand in one place, household chores stand still, you don’t do anything around the house, etc.” - behind this claim there is some kind of unfulfilled need of hers. It is necessary to clarify what “standing in one place” means to her? What kind of development are we talking about? Perhaps she doesn’t get enough attention from you or is bothered by the fact that you have the opportunity to realize yourself in society, but she doesn’t have this opportunity, since she is on permanent maternity leave and is emotionally burnt out because of this. Her claim sounds as if it is your fault that she has accumulated everything. But in fact, it was she who accumulated everything. She walked silently for a long time, saved money, did not express her needs, and then made you guilty of it. But the true reason can only be found out from her. I have the feeling from your words that she is confused in herself and it is difficult for her to figure it out.

“I convinced you to compromise, but everything was a refusal, no, no, no, I don’t see the point and I know how everything will be if I give you a chance... what should I do?? Where to begin?" - You can just tell her about your fear of losing your family, about your feelings for her and the children. But if she chooses to end the relationship, then you will have to accept her choice. You cannot force her to return to you. Also, if she feels resentment towards you, then it often happens that the person with the resentment needs time for the feelings to be lived and subsided. And here’s another feature: not only did he offend me, but he also asks me for something: in this case, it’s forgiveness. That is, it’s already difficult for a person, but the offender asks him for something else.