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What should be the age difference between children? What difference should there be between children? The best difference between children

Many parents, when planning a family, think about whether there is an ideal age difference for children. How long should the break be between the births of children to make it easier for both parents and children to communicate with each other?

It is impossible to answer this question unequivocally. Each side of the coin (large or small age gap) has its pros and cons. Let's look at each of them. But first, let’s get acquainted with the results of a study on the optimal interval between pregnancies for the health of mother and child.

Study on gap between pregnancies

From 1992 to 1998, a study was conducted in Scotland on the gap between pregnancies required for a woman to have a child. So, a new pregnancy within 6 months after the previous one promises an increased risk of complications (premature birth, loss of a child shortly before or immediately after birth). This increases the risk of having a low birth weight baby by 61%, the risk of premature birth by 40%, and the risk of a baby being too small for gestational age by 26%. In this case, factors such as the age of the mother and the presence of bad habits play a significant role. Still, a woman’s body needs to recover, so repeat pregnancy too early will be a difficult task for her body.

By the way, if the interval between pregnancies is too long (more than 5 years), the risks reappear. Accordingly, it is optimal for the mother’s physiology if a second pregnancy occurs about a year or two after the first and no later than five.

The age difference between children is 1-2 years: the best option

Pros. The almost simultaneous development of children is convenient both for themselves (common interests, a common circle of friends) and for parents (the opportunity to save, since a stroller, crib, things - everything can fit; and the mother remembers all the nuances associated with caring for a small child) . Children with such an age difference develop harmoniously and are not jealous of each other. After a long maternity leave (about 4 years), the mother can go back to work and not be interrupted by a new maternity leave.

Minuses. In fact, it's not that simple. If pregnancy occurs within a year after the birth of the first child, the woman’s body does not yet have time to recover. And the mother will have to work a lot, sleep little, constantly be “on her toes”, because both kids require maximum mother’s attention (for example, the house will be in constant chaos, since two small toddlers can do twice as much mischief, both can miss the potty and etc.). Without the help of loved ones (grandparents or nanny), it will be very difficult to cope with two small children.

If things are going wrong in the family, then it is very important for mom and dad to restrain their emotions to avoid conflicts. Since both will give their best, be at the limit of their capabilities, it is easy to start blaming your other half. Therefore, it is important to learn to be patient, forgive each other and not pay attention to the little things.

Age difference between children 2-4 years

Pros. This is probably the most popular age difference among children. And experts call it good. Judge for yourself: children are still united by many interests characteristic of this age, they are interested in being together, but at the same time, the older child can already go to the potty, dress, eat, and play on his own. Mom doesn't need to carry him in her arms. But the younger one is in the care of his mother, but at the same time watches the older one and copies his actions. So the second child will most likely grow up to be very smart. At the same time, the mother can go to the kitchen for a few minutes, since the younger one can play a little with the older one, and the older one can look after the younger one a little. True, the mother does not need to overdo it and try to make the older one a permanent nanny for the younger one.

Minuses. With such an age difference, the older child may already have a feeling of jealousy towards the younger one, so parents should try to pay maximum attention to the first child.

For career growth, such a difference in the ages of children is not the best option. Mom just returned from maternity leave, and now it’s time to go on maternity leave again.

Age difference between children 5-7 years

Pros. Usually mothers are inclined to make such a difference in order to take the first child to kindergarten, and then to school, and at the same time take care of the second child. The mother’s body had enough time to rest from the previous pregnancy, the first child has already become completely independent, so the mother is comfortable taking care of the newborn. At the same time, parents need to remember that the older child should not be deprived of childhood: they also need to play with him, study, take him to clubs, pay attention and not consider him a legitimate nanny for the younger one.

Minuses. The age difference of 5-6 years among children is such that it already separates them. Still, they are friends, their interests will be different: the first one is already riding a bike around the yard with friends, and the second one is still learning how to fold a pyramid.

Since the eldest begins school when the youngest is born, it is important for parents to remember the need to support and help the first-grader. Therefore, in order to eliminate the concept of jealousy and even hatred of the elder towards the younger, mom and dad should surround the older child with care and love as much as possible.

Age difference between children 8 years or more

Pros. The older child practically no longer needs everyday care (not to be confused with psychological care): he dresses and washes himself, and can wash the dishes himself, and take a walk outside, etc. Parents become young again and experience tremendous joy when interacting with the baby, as the older child tries to spend more time not with them, but with peers.

Minuses. Parents may have already forgotten how to care for a newborn (however, everything is quickly remembered). It should be noted that the difference of about 10 years in the age of the children alienates them from each other (they do not have common interests); usually they begin to communicate after the youngest has a family. Again, parents need to behave in such a way as not to provoke jealousy on the part of the older child.

As you can see, every age difference between children has its pros and cons. Therefore, we will not tell you the ideal difference. Have children, love them and be happy!

According to legend - and I really want to believe in it - children choose their own family and parents. They sit on top of the clouds and keep an eye on a suitable “cell of society”, where in 9 months a stork will fly with opportunity.

In fact, it happens in different ways, and the second or third baby can become either an unexpected kinder surprise or a very long-awaited gift. Most parents today prefer to plan for the arrival of children, choosing the best difference between the kids. What difference between an older and a younger child is considered, if not ideal, then optimal and comfortable? How does this or that difference affect the development and relationships of children?

3-5 years: ready for a new round

According to psychologists, doctors and parents themselves, it is this age difference between children that is most comfortable.

Pros:

the mother has fully recovered and can prepare for the next birth;
the older child has already mastered the basics of independence - he knows how to eat himself, goes to the potty, plays with toys and with other children, he has his own interests, so the mother will be able to pay attention to the younger one without harming the first-born;
the older child may go to kindergarten, which means mom has a little more time for herself during the day;
The younger child, growing up, tries to imitate the older one in everything and, as a result, develop faster.

Minuses:

in the older child at that stage the crisis of three years is activated, which is accompanied by the appearance of possible aggressiveness and hysterics;
there is a high risk of the elder developing jealousy towards the younger if he lacks attention;
children aged 2-4 years are very active and loud, you will have to teach the baby to speak more quietly when his little brother or sister is sleeping at home;
You can’t expect the firstborn to help in caring for the younger one - for him he is like a big doll;
a child who has been told about the imminent arrival of a brother or sister thinks that a child like himself will soon appear in the house - he can play with him, run around on the playground. When the mother returns from the maternity hospital with the baby, the eldest experiences genuine disappointment.

ADVICE. To minimize manifestations of children's jealousy, act on the principle of simultaneous communication: pet one baby, pet the other, play with one, entertain the other.

5-7 years: pleasant with useful

The next most popular difference is 5-7 years, which is understandable.

Pros:

The older child is about to start first grade or is already a schoolboy; he needs to be accompanied to school and picked up after school, and helped with homework. The new maternity leave provides this opportunity;
by this time the eldest is already asking for a brother or sister, so he will be ready to help take care of the baby if possible;
Another plus relates to plans for the distant future - when the youngest goes to university, the eldest will have already graduated, which makes life a little easier for the family if the guys are studying under a contract.

Minuses:

children have little in common, especially at first;
the eldest, who is used to feeling like a favorite in the family, feels as if his younger brother or sister has “moved” him from his favorite place on the family throne - this can be very painful for a child;
there is a risk that the elder will be used too often in the status of a free nanny, and this may have a bad effect on their relationship with each other;
During this period, the mother herself was literally torn between a first-grader and a baby.

ADVICE. Don’t compare kids with each other and try not to babysit too much with your youngest in front of your first-born. Be sure to praise the elder for any help in taking care of the younger one.

1-2 years: fun to walk together

A very small difference between children of the same age is not in favor of doctors and psychologists, but parents decide to take such a step, wanting to quickly “shoot back.” It happens that the appearance of a second baby turns out to be a complete surprise if the mother believed that while she was breastfeeding, she would definitely not get pregnant.

Pros:

Mom and Dad still have all the skills for caring for a baby fresh in their memory;
after the firstborn there are a lot of clothes, toys, gadgets left - you just need to freshen them up;
children the same age will have a lot in common and will start playing with each other early;
Mom manages to take one maternity break so she can then concentrate on work. It’s better to be on maternity leave for four years at a time than two times three.

Minuses

with the weather it is difficult physically and psychologically, because they are both still completely dependent on their mother, and she has to work twice as hard;
a newborn becomes a competitor for an older baby: the baby considers his mother his property and is not ready to share her with someone else;
there is a risk of complications in the second birth, because the mother’s body does not have time to recover.

ADVICE. Agree to help from your family and divide your worries into major and minor ones that can be put off.

8-10 years or more: same as the first time

This age difference between children is the least attractive to parents.

Pros:

For parents, a newborn is akin to their first child - they feel young again, experience incomparable emotions from the birth of a little person. Everything is like the first time;
the family has already achieved a certain level of well-being, so there is no need to save on the child.

Minuses:

For a teenager, the appearance of a brother or sister at this age can come as a shock and cause negativity (the older child has occupied the “throne” for too long);
according to recent studies, if the gap between births is more than 5 years, the risk of complications during pregnancy and the birth of a second baby increases.

ADVICE. Ask your elder more often about his feelings, problems and do not introduce too many restrictions into his life in connection with the birth of his youngest.

We hope these expert recommendations will help you choose the ideal time for the birth of your second (third, fourth, etc.) child. One thing is certain: having children is worth it when everyone in the family really wants it.

The weather? Or the eldest and youngest with a difference of at least five years? Or should I wait until my first child is a teenager and then the second? Let's figure it out.

First, you need to decide how you plan to build your life and what is your priority: career and money, relationships between children, marital relationships, etc. For example, if you are a young housewife mother who wants to have many children, then why not give birth to children the same age with as much age difference as possible? And if you and your husband decide to have three children, but don’t want to give up your favorite job, then a difference of 2-3 years would be optimal. In this case, you will reduce the total period of absence from work by combining maternity leave for one child with maternity leave for the pregnancy of another child.

Let's look at the main pros and cons of the age difference between children.

Children of the same age

Children of the same age are usually born unplanned and this is the main disadvantage, since a woman becomes pregnant without fully recovering from childbirth, and pregnancy itself, when holding a baby who is not yet able to walk, is a whole test. The first year is the most difficult, but then the children will enjoy playing together, they will have common interests and friends, and you will have much more free time than mothers with one child. However, there is always a chance that the children will not get along and there will be more quarrels than we would like.

Pros:

Children grow up together, are friends, have common friends and interests.
Children most likely will not be jealous.
Mom will have more free time in a few years.
You can send children to the same class, for example, at 6.5 and 8 years old, and attend the same parent-teacher meeting.
In total, you will spend less time on maternity leave to care for your children.

Minuses:

Unplanned unexpected pregnancy.
The body has not recovered after childbirth.
Pregnancy with a small child in her arms.
Physically and psychologically difficult period of the first year with two children the same age, chronic lack of sleep of parents, joint illnesses.

Remember that for your second, third and subsequent children you will receive the same vacation and maternity payments, including a lump sum allowance, as for your first child, even if you have not returned from maternity leave for the previous one!
Remember that your employer cannot fire you while you are on maternity leave for up to three years.

Difference 3-7 years

It no longer negatively affects the mother’s health. Children 3-4 years apart will probably play with each other as they are the same age, but older children will most likely spend time separately due to different interests.

Starting from the age of three, a child may already begin to show jealousy, so you need to be especially sensitive to the older one and pay more attention to him. In terms of a mother’s work, such a difference, on the one hand, is convenient, but on the other hand, it can cause a negative reaction from management, since you will return from maternity leave, work a little and go on maternity leave again.

Pros:

Mom's health has recovered.
The older child is more independent and does not require much attention.
The elder is an example and mentor for the younger.
The older one can sit with the younger one and help his mother take care of him, and then help the younger one with his homework.

Minuses

Possible jealousy of children towards each other, especially the older one towards the younger one.
Children will play with each other only for a short period of time, if at all, then the older one will become uninterested.
Mom will work a little and go on maternity leave again, not having time to achieve any heights.
It will be necessary to pay equal attention to the children individually, when the youngest is adapting to kindergarten, and the eldest is going “to first grade for the first time.”

Large age difference (from seven years and older)

Children with a large age difference are, in fact, children raised alone in a family, that is, each in turn. It is clear that these children, if they appear, have common interests, it will not be earlier than fifteen to twenty years after the birth of the youngest. This difference is good only because the child will be raised alone and all the attention will be only to him. Although don’t forget that there is always a chance to raise two selfish children.

If the age difference is seven to ten years, then keep in mind that when the younger one is adapting to school, the older one, in addition to adolescence, will have an important period of graduating classes and entering college, you will need to pay maximum attention to both of them.

Pros:

The younger child will help parents cope with the realization that the older one is already an adult.
The older child will be closer to the younger one than the parents and will be able to perform the so-called function of an intermediary, mentoring the younger one, and the younger one will listen to the older one, respecting his opinion more than the opinion of the parents. Such relationships will save parents during the transitional age of the younger one.
The older child is absolutely independent and does not require physical assistance (preparing breakfast, seeing him off to school, etc.).
The older child can help with the younger one.
Jealousy will likely be minimal.

Minuses:

Children will never become close friends, they will not have common interests.
Possible negative reaction of the elder to the news of a new child, even displaying aggression.
The elder usually perceives requests to sit with the younger as an imposed duty; this makes him dislike his brother/sister or resent his parents.
It is necessary to devote a lot of time to both children; when you still need to physically sit with the younger one, then you need to communicate a lot with the older one and give him maximum psychological attention.

Of course, all cases are very individual; it happens that a thirteen-year-old sister comes from school and happily runs off to play with the kids. Again, it all depends on the atmosphere in the family, the character of the children and parental love.

Minuses:

in the older child at that stage the crisis of three years is activated, which is accompanied by the appearance of possible aggressiveness and hysterics;
there is a high risk of the elder developing jealousy towards the younger if he lacks attention;
children aged 2-4 years are very active and loud, you will have to teach the baby to speak more quietly when his little brother or sister is sleeping at home;
You can’t expect the firstborn to help in caring for the younger one - for him he is like a big doll;
a child who has been told about the imminent arrival of a brother or sister thinks that a child like himself will soon appear in the house - he can play with him, run around on the playground. When the mother returns from the maternity hospital with the baby, the eldest experiences genuine disappointment.

ADVICE. To minimize manifestations of children's jealousy, act on the principle of simultaneous communication: caress one child, caress the other, play with one, entertain the second.

5-7 years: pleasant with useful

The next most popular difference is 5-7 years, which is understandable.

Pros:

The older child is about to start first grade or is already a schoolboy; he needs to be accompanied to school and picked up after school, and helped with homework. The new maternity leave provides this opportunity;
by this time the eldest is already asking for a brother or sister, so he will be ready to help take care of the baby if possible;
Another plus relates to plans for the distant future - when the youngest goes to university, the eldest will have already graduated, which makes life a little easier for the family if the guys are studying under a contract.

Photo source: brougborpojor.ga

Minuses:

children have little in common, especially at first;
the eldest, who is used to feeling like a favorite in the family, feels as if his younger brother or sister has “moved” him from his favorite place on the family throne - this can be very painful for a child;
there is a risk that the elder will be used too often in the status of a free nanny, and this may have a bad effect on their relationship with each other;
During this period, the mother herself is literally torn between a first-grader and a baby.

ADVICE. Don’t compare children with each other and try not to be too coy with your youngest in front of your first-born. Be sure to praise the elder for any help in taking care of the younger one.

1-2 years: fun to walk together

A very small difference between children of the same age is not in honor of doctors and psychologists, but parents decide to take such a step, wanting to quickly “shoot back.” It happens that the appearance of a second child turns out to be a complete surprise if the mother believed that while she was breastfeeding, she would definitely not get pregnant.

Pros:

Mom and Dad still have all the skills for caring for a baby fresh in their memory;
after the firstborn there are a lot of clothes, toys, gadgets left - you just need to freshen them up;
children the same age will have a lot in common and will start playing with each other early;
Mom manages to take one maternity break so she can then concentrate on work. It’s better to be on maternity leave for four years at a time than two times three.

Minuses

with the weather it is difficult physically and psychologically, because they are both still completely dependent on their mother, and she has to work twice as hard;
a newborn becomes a competitor for an older baby: the child considers his mother his property and is not ready to share her with someone else;
there is a risk of complications in the second birth, because the female body does not have time to recover.

ADVICE. Agree to help from your family and divide your worries into major and minor ones that can be put off.

8-10 years or more: same as the first time

This age difference between children is the least attractive to parents.

Photo source: kayrosblog.ru

Pros:

For parents, a newborn is akin to their first child - they feel young again, experience incomparable emotions from the birth of a little person. Everything is like the first time;
the family has already achieved a certain level of well-being, so there is no need to save on the child.

Minuses:

For a teenager, the appearance of a brother or sister at this age can come as a shock and cause negativity (the older child has occupied the “throne” for too long);
According to recent studies, if the gap between births is more than 5 years, the risk of complications during pregnancy and the birth of a second baby increases.

ADVICE. Ask the elder more often about his feelings, problems and do not introduce too many restrictions into his life in connection with the birth of the younger one.

Let's look at four options with their pros and cons: a difference of 1-2 years, 3-5 years, 5-10 years and more than 10 years. Much depends on how much you plan, how old you are, and in what conditions you live, but still it is the time interval that fundamentally distinguishes the nature of the relationship between brothers and sisters and the specific set of problems for parents.

Weather

Often the cause of early pregnancy is “oversight.” Many mothers and fathers believe that they will not get pregnant while they are breastfeeding or have not reached their first “critical days.” And for some of them, those days never come. The first pregnancy smoothly transitions into the second (third, fourth...). There are also parents who want to raise “friends” or are worried about their mature age and consciously take this step.

In general, children of the same age are almost... Both want mother’s attention, ask to be held, claim the breast, share mother’s health, strength and patience between them.

Children grow up together, you don't have to go through growing up twice.

The total time of maternity leave is reduced from 6 to 4 years, after which you can continue your career growth (or give birth to a third one).

The experience of your first pregnancy and caring for your older child is still very fresh in your memory, which also saves you time and nerves.

The kids entertain each other, and you can go about your business.

Children often become true friends because they have similar interests, and the younger one catches up to the level of the older one.

As a rule, younger children are less jealous, since the older child has not yet gotten used to the fact that he is the “center of the Universe.”

The mother’s body is still exhausted from the first pregnancy, and raising an older child does not leave the strength and opportunity to properly rest.

The second pregnancy is constantly under threat: the eldest asks to be held, pushes, and his weight is already higher than it should be for a woman in this position. Mom often has to “take risks” so that the child does not feel deprived.

You may experience déjà vu, the feeling that you are “stuck in diapers and diapers.”

With the advent of the second child, the relationship with her husband becomes tense due to the fact that there is practically no time and energy left for each other.

From 3 to 5

This is the most desirable age difference, popular among parents and doctors. The body has already managed to recover, and the older child begins to ask for a “sister.”

You have had time to rest and are physically ready for pregnancy and childbirth. (This is especially true for those who have had a cesarean section)

The differences between the children still allow them to be friends.

The older child is already “getting off” and can help you a little in caring for the younger one.

Younger children with such a difference in age copy their elders and develop at an amazing speed.

Jealousy between children causes quarrels and resentment.

Returning to work is delayed or you have to go on another maternity leave after a short period.

Psychologists say that this particular age period is the most explosive in terms of jealousy. Try to prepare your elder for the arrival of a new member of your family and do not force him to look after a brother or sister if he resists it.

From 6 to 10 years

You have had time to take a good break from diapers and take care of yourself.

The older child goes to school, and you stay with the younger one for a long time.

The elder can help take care of the younger one, look after him, take custody of him.

You can already explain something to an older child and hope for understanding.

Much of what I experienced with my eldest child has already been erased from memory. You'll have to go through everything all over again.

Jealousy can take more aggressive turns.

Children are not interested in being together; they have too different hobbies and levels of development.

Classes at school, doing homework and attending clubs require a lot of time and attention from parents.

From 10 and older

What matters here is what position your first child will take. If he has a favorable attitude towards pregnancy, then perhaps he will become a second dad or second mother for the youngest, will protect the baby and happily work with him. If he did not want to add to the family, then the younger one will seem like a burden to him, and requests for help will burden and irritate him.

The first child is already moving away from you, he is reaching out to his peers. The second child will smooth out this gap and help you more easily let go of the older one into adulthood.

The eldest can already take care of himself and take on some of the household responsibilities.

You miss little children.

Instead of the long-awaited “live for yourself” for many, you will again have to stay awake at night and limit your life to what is suitable for a small child.

Children will no longer be playmates.

There is no ideal family template. Someone is sad from loneliness, and someone complains about the annoying “little one”. Whether you want to have children, when and how many you want is up to you and your spouse to decide. In any situation you can find positive aspects and correct negative ones. There would be health, and the rest would add up.

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