Customs and ceremony of matchmaking: in the old days and in the modern world. Wedding of the bride scenario modern and simplified

In ancient times, parents (relatives and godparents) had the main say in choosing a married couple, although the sympathy of the young was also taken into account when choosing. The views of young people and parents did not always coincide. According to civil laws, parents could not force young people to marry, but according to the ideas of the peasants, young people are not adults yet, a guy and a girl become adults only after starting a family. And therefore, public opinion and the church condemned marriages without parental blessing and consent.

In a peasant family, parent-child relationships were most often regulated by a parental blessing or the threat of a parental curse. In the complex of peasant religious and ethical assessments, the blessing was seen as a recognition of the moral correctness of the plan and, as a result, as a guarantee of success. In addition, the blessing was also regarded as a guarantee of support for the Christian world, since. the usual form of response when asking for a blessing is "God bless."

The matchmaking ceremony was complex and consisted of several stages. Having learned about the son’s desire to marry this or that girl, the groom’s parents consulted with relatives, tried to find out more about the bride, if she was unfamiliar. If they saw that with another girl it was possible to arrange the fate of their son with greater profit, then they tried to dissuade him from a less profitable marriage. Both men and women closest to the groom or his family could act as matchmakers. Most often, the godfather and own father, sometimes the groom himself, his adult brother, were appointed as matchmakers. Going to get married, pay attention to signs. For the success of the business, it is good if a young woman met with water along the way, and the cats did not cross the road. The bride, with the help of her friends, prepared gifts for the wedding. The groom asked the bride what gift she would like to receive from him (Most often they ordered boots or boots, material for the dress). The gift was presented on the wedding day. If the bride changed her mind about the wedding for the sake of another groom, the gates of her house could be smeared with tar.

Now matchmaking is a rite of marriage proposal. The future husband asks the parents of his chosen one for permission to marry her. To do this, he sends matchmakers or directly comes himself. Matchmakers can be the groom's parents, close relatives, godfather or mother. At a pre-arranged time, elegantly dressed with two bouquets of flowers, the future groom pays a visit to the beloved's parents. He presents one bouquet to the mother of the bride, and the second to the bride herself. The proposal is made by addressing the parents of the bride. The groom asks for the hand of his chosen one. As a rule, the girl is not present during the matchmaking, as delicate issues may arise regarding housing, wages and other material living conditions. If the girl's parents give their consent, then they invite the young man and his parents to visit them again and appoint a specific day for this. If for some reason the girl's parents are dissatisfied with the proposal, then they ask the young man to wait and give them time to discuss the issue in the family circle. The young man must wait to be invited again.

At the second visit, the girl is in the circle of her relatives. The young man's father (or another person, such as a mother or close relative) proposes. The sign of consent of the bride's parents is a gesture: the bride's father puts his daughter's right hand into the hand of his future son-in-law. This visit should not be long. If the groom's parents were not participants in the matchmaking, the future newlyweds visit them. The groom introduces the chosen one to the parents, and she gives flowers to the future mother-in-law.

During matchmaking, positive psychological contacts are established between future relatives, trust in each other arises. Only after the matchmaking, the future spouses and their parents agree on the engagement and determine its date. If the future newlyweds live far from their relatives and do not have the opportunity to go to them or invite them to their place, then you should send photos of your chosen one (chosen one) to your parents, describe him (her), ask for advice and permission for marriage from father and mother.

Marriage signs:

1. If you sweep someone with a broom, you will forever remain single (will not marry).

2. If you sweep the floor unevenly, leave rubbish - you will marry a pockmarked one.

3. You can’t sit on the doorstep of a guy - no one will marry him.

4. On Wednesday and Friday they don't get married. - This is due to the fact that Wednesday and Friday are fast days. On the one hand, it is not good to think about matchmaking on the day of fasting, on the other hand, if matchmakers come, there are problems with refreshments, which can also affect the result of negotiations. (Fasting these days is bequeathed because on Wednesday Judas betrayed Jesus, and on Friday Christ was crucified.)

5. The matchmaker came to the handshake - the doors were on the hook. - As soon as the matchmaker or the matchmaker with the groom's relatives enter the house of the bride's parents, the door immediately closes on the hook - so that a person who accidentally enters does not jinx the case.

6. The matchmaker in the bride's house should not sit down. Sit down - it will not work. - They also say that if the matchmaker sits down, then the children of the young will be gray-haired, they will stand up late. If he agrees to drink, then the children will grow up to be drunkards. If you persuade her to eat, then the children will suffer from gluttony. Now, either the matchmakers are less experienced than before, or they have ceased to attach importance to the sign, but more than once I have seen a matchmaker sitting and drinking tea at the conspiracy.

7. It is necessary to marry in April, until the last day. - Advice-omen is based on the fact that in May to woo or get married - "toil all your life." Its roots go back to the days when May was firmly associated with the sowing season. However, even now May matchmaking and weddings are the advantage of the city, but not the village.

Matchmaking is one of the most interesting customs, especially revered by our ancestors, which came from the distant past. Over time, many of the subtleties of this ritual were forgotten, some changed, but the basic principles remained the same, and every year matchmaking is gaining more and more popularity. Each nationality has its own peculiarities, traditions and individuality.

Russian customs

Russian matchmaking is the initial ceremony of a wedding agreement, during which the groom (or his relatives) through the matchmaker offered the girl (more often her parents) marriage. The main goal of any matchmaking is to obtain consent to the marriage..

A matchmaker (matchmaker or matchmakers) is the most important person in matchmaking. In Russia, he enjoyed special honor, since the marriage agreement depended mainly on him.

Close relatives of the groom or people specially trained for this became matchmakers who were hired for such an important event. The matchmaker was charged with the duty sometimes even to look for a bride suitable for a particular groom. But usually he was only looking for information about a particular girl: what her appearance, character, skills, as well as what kind of dowry she has and what is given. It also happened that the groom could see the bride only on their wedding day Therefore, such information sometimes turned out to be extremely important for him. Many signs were associated with the matchmaking ceremony, since any superstitions had some kind of real basis and were always taken into account in any important matter. Matchmaking in Russia was carried out only on favorable days, the 3rd, 5th, 7th and 9th were especially valued. It was impossible to schedule this event on fast days (Wednesday and Friday), on the 13th of any month, as well as Shrovetide week, as this promised trouble and various troubles. Woo went after sunset, so that no one jinxed. It was forbidden to meet or talk with anyone along the way. And after the matchmakers left, the women in the groom's house tied the tongs and pokers together, which was supposed to bring good luck in the planned business. Entering the house, the matchmaker was baptized on the icon and sat under the ceiling beam (mother). Negotiations were conducted with the bride's father, if he was not there, with her brother or mother. The dialogue began allegorically, the main topic was not immediately touched upon. They talked about the weather, mowing, and other matters, and in the end they indicated the purpose of their visit: “We did not come to visit, but to raise a feast. You have goods, and we have a merchant - we will start a relationship. Almost never rushed to answer., made a reservation and asked the matchmakers to come another time.

During the time required for reflection, the bride's parents learned everything about the groom and made conclusions whether he was suitable for their daughter or not.

When the matchmakers came a second time, they thanked for the honor, treated them to drinks, which were poured by the girl herself, to whom they were wooing, which made it possible for the matchmakers to carefully examine her. During the evening, the bride could change outfits several times, showing herself in the most attractive light. Sometimes the girl showed her skills, talents, skill in weaving lace, sewing, embroidery. Having admired the beauty and her handicrafts enough, the matchmakers began to praise the groom, talked about his house, household, prosperity, tried to bargain for more dowry. There was also an "official matchmaking" when everything was already decided and it remained to discuss the main organizational and financial issues related to the wedding. Such matchmaking could be both the first (when the parties knew each other well and were sure of the answer), and the third (not only matchmakers, but also the groom's parents, often with him). The bride in Russia was not given much will, and often she did not have the right to vote in matchmaking.. The groom also could not always influence the decision of the parents. However, sometimes he could show his desire and refuse to marry. It is also interesting that in Russia in the old days, not only boys, but also girls wooed. However, this did not take root among the people, and therefore, basically, they always talk about the customs of matchmaking on the part of the groom.

Matchmaking according to Kazakh customs

Kazakh holidays were distinguished by their brightness, rich semantic content and most fully reflected the essence of the character of this people - hospitable, open, free. All these beautiful features are reflected in their wedding ceremonies. The matchmaking among the Kazakhs began with an advance agreement, special attention was paid to the bride's relatives - it is important that the girl does not turn out to be a blood relative, it was not allowed to cross the couple's genealogical branches up to the seventh generation. After clarifying the relationship and other important aspects related to the bride herself, her relatives and the general situation of their family, the father of the groom sent a matchmaker to the father of the bride. He was a relative or a person respected by people, who was sent to the bride's relatives in the role of a jar (herald, messenger). Sometimes they sent a whole delegation of several people.

The one who got the honorary position of a matchmaker, sitting on a horse, on one leg tucked his trouser leg into the top of his boot, and on the other he let it out on his boot.

This action was supposed to help in gaining the indulgence of the father of the bride towards the young man. It also made it clear to the girl's family why this man came to their house. Matchmaking was organized exclusively on a “lucky day”: Wednesday and Thursday were usually considered to be such., however, there were also personal "lucky" numbers. The first visit should not be long, since it turns out, first of all, consent to the upcoming marriage. If the parties are satisfied with everything, the day of the next, official matchmaking is agreed upon, and then a feast is organized (according to tradition, the obligatory dish on the table of the bride's relatives is lamb shurpa or sorpa), as a result of which all the nuances of the upcoming wedding are discussed. Particular attention is paid to kalym -(today this custom is often considered an anachronism and includes money for the purchase of furniture or the furniture itself). During official matchmaking, according to Kazakh customs, relatives from the sides of the bride and groom exchanged gifts. The groom's gifts were:

• dowry- 47 heads of cattle (kalym-mal), which has been transformed into a custom to place gifts of 47 small items in a korzhun (a bag decorated with ribbons and coins), among which sweets, dried fruits, and meat are popular;
• fabric on(or money to buy it - as a more modern option);
• headscarf(currently usually limited to a veil);
• wedding ring.

Gifts from the bride included:

• matchmaker - nail-robe(shege shapan), which was supposed to help seal the preliminary contract;
• all household utensils for the arrangement of the life of a young family, including dishes, bed linen, carpets etc.

The girl's parents also gave gifts to matchmakers, which ended the matchmaking. After the agreement of the parties, a live ram is brought in, and the guests give a blessing - baht - to its slaughter. A traditional Kazakh treat is prepared from lamb - et (meat in Kazakh). Matchmakers are treated to kuiryk baur (cookies with fat tail fat), which establishes the fact of kinship. Women from the side of the bride at the end of the matchmaking shower the matchmakers with shasha - sweets, coins, cookies, grains and similar trifles. The end of the matchmaking is formalized by common rituals, for example, putting the bride's hand into the groom's hand and blessing them.

Customs of matchmaking of the bride in Ukraine

Matchmaking in Ukraine began in a standard way: matchmakers were chosen and sent to the house of the intended bride. Matchmaking was performed secretly and after sunset (so as not to jinx it). Matchmakers with a loaf of bread wrapped in a towel went to the bride's house, keeping silence along the way. Arriving at the house, the conversation was allegorical, without specifically mentioning the purpose of their visit. Usually they said "You have a product, we have a merchant." From the first time, in most cases, consent to marriage was not given. As a result, when the offer was accepted, the bread loaf remained in the bride’s house; if it was refused, they took it with them. With a successful matchmaking, the matchmakers agreed on the day of the bride, engagement and wedding. They also discussed the marriage contract. The groom was supposed to be able to ensure the comfortable existence of his bride, for her he also received a dowry. Successful negotiations ended with a handshake. A feature of matchmaking in Ukraine (unlike, for example, Russia) was that the bride was given a special freedom of choice: she could decide for herself whether to marry the groom or not.

In case of refusal, the matchmakers were given a pumpkin (pumpkin), and the matchmakers or a disgraced young man in this case could close the door to the girl's house with his back, which foreshadowed her unmarried life.

If the bride didn’t like the guy, he didn’t drink from a glass of water, which, according to tradition, was brought to him by the girl’s parents. When he liked her, he drank the water in one gulp and completely. The matchmaking ended with the fact that the guests from the groom's side were tied up with towels, which were embroidered by the bride herself, and sat down to celebrate at the table. Another interesting historical fact from the life of the Cossacks. The girl could herself woo a guy, she was even able to save the life of a Cossack sentenced to death. It was enough for her to say: "He will marry me, let him go." It was a sin for her to refuse it.

Matchmaking according to Tatar customs

Tatar matchmaking began with a traditional collusion between the groom's relatives and the matchmaker (yauchy). Kurendek (gifts) were brought to the celebration, and the mother of the bride laid out gold jewelry in response. The family of the future bride would certainly be served a pie (nugai byaleshch), in addition, the matchmakers carried with them a tray with sweets, nuts, raisins and sugar cubes. After the guests left, all these sweets were shared among the bride's relatives, which served as a kind of notification of her matchmaking. With the consent of the bride's parents to the marriage, negotiations were held on all organizational issues, the dowry of the bride, the amount of bride price. After the parties settled all the nuances, the bride was considered a betrothed (yarashylgan kyz), and preparations for the wedding were underway for a month. The groom collected bride price, prepared gifts for the bride and her relatives, as well as household items. The bride, on the other hand, put her dowry in order, which she began to collect somewhere from the age of 12.. Basically, these were clothes sewn and embroidered by her with her own hands for herself and her future husband. Relatives on both sides were preparing for the wedding itself.

What actions are implied in matchmaking. This is discussed in detail in our article. The next one has a short video with a cool wedding contest. By clicking on this link, you will read the basic principles for compiling a cool script for the ransom of the bride.

To date, many traditions have gone into oblivion or have undergone changes, and it is very rare to find matchmaking that takes place according to the original Russian, Kazakh, Ukrainian or Tatar customs, but nevertheless, many people try to preserve the traditions of our ancestors, and this is worthy of special respect ! And if you try hard, then modern matchmaking can be beaten according to ancient customs, well, or as close as possible to those. How - watch the following video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbpSqcpYCBM

Funny contests and songs for matchmaking from the groom.

Nowadays, not many people honor ancient rituals and traditions. Although it was previously believed that compliance with all the rules would lead to a happy family life. Since ancient times, a lot of things have changed, but bright rites have been preserved, which are still popular.

Initially, in Russia, relatives of the groom were chosen as matchmakers. Often the matchmaker was the guy's mother, that is, the future mother-in-law. Godparents or the brother of the groom were chosen as matchmakers. Later, in Russia, a matchmaker was a woman who picked up young brides at the request of the groom. She came to visit the bride's parents and talked with them.

The subtleties of matchmaking:

• Previously, this ceremony was to clarify financial and property problems. That is, it turned out where the young people would live, what kind of dowry the bride had.
• It was often a festive meal. At the same time, the matchmakers came to the bride's parents, and they met them.
• Odd numbers were chosen for matchmaking. The 13th is considered unfavorable. It promises future spouses an unhappy life.
• They enter the house, having previously touched the jamb with their shoulder. Only then do they knock. Baptized on icons.
• It is believed that before the bride arrives at the house, the matchmakers should not talk to anyone.

A modern cool scenario of the bride's matchmaking from the groom's side

A cool scenario of matchmaking can be seen in the video.

VIDEO: Matchmaking script

Matchmaking by the groom - what to say to matchmakers: words for the groom, the groom's parents, matchmakers

In general, matchmakers knock on the door at first. They praise the groom, tell how great he is, describe positive features.

Words of matchmakers: Here, they brought you an excellent candidate for husbands for your daughter. Better not to find, young, daring, strong. All his life he will carry his wife in her arms, if the bride wants to get married. Such a young man needs a wife to match.

Bridegroom: I came to ask for the hand of your daughter. I promise to love and respect her. And also wash diapers and look after the kids. I'm a guy anywhere, but I chose your daughter, I ask you to give her in marriage to me.

The groom's parents: we raised and cherished our son, now he wants to connect his fate with your daughter. We hope that this is his best choice, which he will not regret for the rest of his life. We hope that your daughter will cook delicious borscht, lay a soft feather bed and please our son.

Matchmaking by the groom - what to say to matchmakers: words for the groom, the groom's parents, matchmakers

Toasts should be positive with wishes of all the best. Joking words are popular.

Dear young people, we are glad to gather here for the matchmaking. We wish you pleasant wedding troubles and a happy family life.

Most recently, you were still schoolchildren. But time flies very quickly. Now you are on the verge of starting a family. Let's drink to a happy family and prosperity in it.

The wife must obey her husband and obey him. The husband should listen, but the final decision is his. We wish you success in building a new cell of society and fewer quarrels. We raise our glasses to you.

Matchmaking contests should be dynamic and fun. This is due to the fact that during such a feast they drink a lot. So that guests do not get drunk quickly, fun and interesting games and contests are held. Below are interesting contests.

Of course, not one feast and holiday is complete without funny jokes, practical jokes and humor. It is necessary that the jokes were not offensive, but funny. Below are options for unusual and funny jokes.

There are a lot of game options, it can be both fun contests and intricate tasks with gifts. Pleasant little things and necessary gifts are suitable as presents. Generally games should be age appropriate for the participants. If these are parents, then less active games are selected. Below are some of the games.

Poems should be humorous and cheerful. If possible, they should make fun of the flaws and emphasize the virtues of the bride. Just try not to offend the future bride.

Poetry:

We really need your product
Without him, the merchant does not
Without it, he often grieve,
Goes to sleep on an empty stomach!

Do you agree? Well, fine:
You became matchmakers to us,
Let's get married properly
We cook here and there!

Chastushki are funny and unusual songs with humorous overtones. Often they carry an ironic meaning. With the help of such songs you can cheer up the guests.

Chastushki:

Drank girlfriend Valya.
They say it's cheap.
Nothing is cheap
For Kolya for the good.
***
Like ours at the gate
Sparrow curls,
The first girl from the village
Kolya gets
***
Not a cuckoo cuckoo
Not the nightingale sings.
A mother grieves for her daughter:
The loafer goes to woo

Usually these are humorous and comic songs. Below is a video with funny songs.

VIDEO: Songs for matchmaking

The main tradition is the presentation of the loaf to the parents of the bride. Matchmakers are sure to come to visit with this delicious bread. Thus, they invite the bride to their house and want to see her next to the groom. At the same time, the loaf is cut and eaten at the very end of the matchmaking. Matchmakers and parents are also tied with towels. Basically, items and various products are brought depending on the scenario of the holiday.

What the groom needs:

• Loaf
• Towels
• Engagement ring

Since ancient times, it has been customary to give a ring not only to the bride, but also to bring gifts to her parents. This is a way to "appease" the parents and persuade them to give the bride in marriage. Gifts can be discussed in advance with parents and the bride. It could be something from the dowry. But usually they give gifts personally for the mother and father of the bride.

Gift options:

• Gadgets
• Fishing gear
• bathrobes
• Expensive alcohol
• casket
• Sweets in beautiful packaging

Matchmaking is preparation for the wedding and most often the acquaintance of parents with each other. Make a beautiful and interesting holiday.

VIDEO: Matchmaking

Matchmaking is a special ceremony, the purpose of which is to propose marriage to the intended bride in the presence of her close relatives, usually parents. The groom, his godparents, his relatives, sometimes close friends can take part in the matchmaking. Special people at the event are the matchmaker, matchmaker or matchmakers. They can be invited people, relatives or godparents of the groom. Matchmaking was preceded by a family council in the groom's house, after which matchmakers were sent to the girl's relatives. The rite was held in the form of a comic performance. If consent was obtained, then a few days later a ritual evening was made for all relatives and friends, at which they announced the engagement and set the date for the wedding.

Marriage by the groom

Matchmaking can be combined with any family celebration or a common holiday, but it is best to set aside a separate day for this. During the wedding, the groom must:

• dress smartly - a formal suit will make a good impression on the parents of his future wife and convince of the seriousness of intentions;

• have 2 bouquets of flowers - for the mother of the bride and herself, and he is obliged to give the bouquet to his future mother-in-law first;

• ask permission for marriage from the parents of the chosen one;

• Previously, gifts were not given during matchmaking, but today this tradition has changed and, if the groom does not plan to strictly adhere to the matchmaking ceremony, he can give a small present to the relatives of the future wife. Usually, the father of the bride is given good alcohol, books, an expensive pen, depending on his type of activity. Mothers present sweets, jewelry, household items, also based on her preferences.

The main task of the groom at the matchmaking is to be able to please the relatives of his chosen one.

This is not always easy, and therefore a huge responsibility is imposed on the groom during this procedure. Especially if he asks for a hand in solitude. Matchmakers are indeed an invaluable help to the groom, they can defuse the situation and in many cases save the day. Relatives of the groom or people hired from outside, specially trained in all the intricacies of the rite, are chosen as matchmakers. Whatever choice you make the main thing is that the matchmakers are open and cheerful people, then the ceremony will go well. Usually they are limited to one matchmaker, who, if necessary, can be helped by the rest of those present. Matchmaking should be allegorical - you can’t directly name the purpose of your visit. Matchmakers represent everything in the form of fun, fun, a comic skirmish between relatives of future spouses. Particular attention should be paid to the feast. When matchmaking, it is not mandatory, but hospitable hosts usually consider it their duty to welcome any guests, so it would be somewhat indecent to do without treats at all. The presence of alcohol on the table is also not traditional, and if the groom does not want to have a drink with the future father-in-law, there will be nothing shameful in this, the main thing is that it is adequately perceived by the father of the bride. If the parents remain dissatisfied with the groom, the matchmaking can be repeated another time.

Traditions and signs in matchmaking

During matchmaking, special attention has always been paid to traditions and signs, and few people have dared to violate the laws established by their ancestors before. And today, many pay tribute to the superstitions and customs of their ancestors:

• The best day for matchmaking was considered October 14 (the feast of the Intercession of the Most Holy Theotokos), also the most favorable dates were 3, 5, 7 and 9, days of the week - Tuesday, Thursday or days off.

• They never got married on the 13th, it is unsuccessful for carrying out any business.

• On the way to the girl's house, the people participating in the ceremony kept silence, and left the house only after sunset in order to avoid the evil eye.

• All information relating to the ceremony was hidden from strangers, fearing their unclean thoughts.

• When the matchmaker was going to go to the girl's parents, they threw a bast shoe in his back.

• Having reached the house of a marriageable girl, the matchmaker tried to get into the hut as soon as possible, so that the matter would be resolved just as quickly.

• Negotiations about matchmaking were conducted standing up, as if on the move, so that marriage would be quick.

• The groom handed over the narrowed loaf.

If you don't know, then we have prepared his scenario especially for this occasion. From ours you will learn all about fortune-telling for Valentine's Day. At the following address you can read an article on how to make original wedding invitations with your own hands.

If consent to marriage has been obtained, then:

• the father had to put his daughter's hand into the hand of her betrothed;

• the girl took the loaf from the guy, cut it into pieces together with the groom and treated those present;

• any joint feast meant an early engagement.

If the matchmaking failed, then this could be marked by the following actions:

• the bride hid and took off her dress;

• the girl expressed her refusal by giving the groom a pumpkin;

• if the groom did not like the bride, he brought it to his mouth, but did not drink from the cup presented to him;

• in case of refusal, the loaf was returned to the groom whole;

• in case of refusal, matchmakers could harm the bride - they closed the door to her house with their backs, which doomed the girl to an unmarried life.

Matchmaking in the old days

In the old days, having made the choice of a suitable candidate for the role of the bride, they necessarily received the approval of the relatives of the groom's family. Then they chose a person who performed the duties of a matchmaker.

The role of matchmakers was dominant in this ceremony. They collected all the information about the girl, including appearance, character, amount of dowry.

Often they were engaged in the actual search for a suitable bride. The matchmaker also controlled the observance of customs and the correct conduct of the rite itself. Initially, a matchmaker always went to the house of a marriageable girl. In the presence of the groom, there was no need, but it was not strictly forbidden either. If he was given freedom of choice, if desired, he could go to the parents of the chosen one and ask for her hand in marriage. Arriving at the house where the chosen girl lived, the matchmaker began a conversation from afar, without touching on the main topic. We talked about the weather, harvest, mowing. The main negotiations also proceeded in allegorical form. For example: “You have a marvelous garden, and we have a good gardener, maybe he will look after your garden?”. The parents of a marriageable girl expressed their gratitude to the matchmaker for the honor rendered to them and gave them kvass or honey, which the girl herself poured and brought to the guest. At the same time, the matchmaker should have considered her well. After that, he began to praise the groom and ask about the bride. If the groom did not suit, then the refusal also sounded allegorically: “Our garden has not yet ripened”, “Our unsaleable goods”, or they were stipulated by an insufficient dowry, general employment. If there were doubts, then the matchmaker was invited a second time in order to obtain additional information about the groom in the given period of time. The next time the groom's parents went to woo, often with him, as well as other matchmakers. This matchmaking was considered official. A feast was organized and, with the consent of all parties to the marriage, they made up an analogy of a modern marriage contract - a “row entry”, which covered the main organizational and financial issues of the upcoming wedding, including the dowry of the bride. After settling all issues, the bride gave the chosen one a pledge, which was a simple scarf. They wrapped the loaf loaf in it and gave it to the matchmaker. He carried her in a highly raised hand through the whole village, which spoke of the successful outcome of the matchmaking.

Scenario of modern matchmaking by the groom

Today, matchmaking is a common ritual of acquaintance of the families of the future husband and wife.. However, the introduction of some ancient rites into action will add a kind of "zest" to the standard procedure.

The groom can come to the bride's house either alone or with his parents. You can choose a matchmaker and present everything in the form of a script.

Easy option

The arrival of the groom with the matchmakers to the bride's house can be diversified with Russian folk songs, cheerful ditties, which are performed by the guests, as well as greeting cries "Matchmakers are coming!" At home, the groom presents the mother of the chosen one and herself with flowers and provides a loaf. They call the bride and go to the laid table. At a feast, the girl's parents should praise their daughter, paying special attention to her main virtues. At a special hour, the groom asks for her hand from his future father-in-law and mother-in-law. With the consent of the bride's father, joins the hands of the young and blesses them for marriage.

Difficult option

When the celebration is planned to be held on a special scale, a longer option is used. At the appointed hour, the groom, his parents, friends, and matchmakers drive up to the bride's house and knock on it. The doors are opened, and the bride's relatives are interested: "Who is this knocking on our door, what do you need?" Matchmaker:

- Good under your roof, masters! You have come from afar. And our business is not easy: A fine prince lives with us, In all matters a brave daring fellow. Once I saw a beautiful firebird, In all respects - his queen. And since then, the well done yearns. They came to your house to look for this girl.

Bride's Family:

We have different girls, And everything is like a selection. If he finds his beautiful, Then we'll set the table.

Several different girls are taken out and presented to the groom, often for this they dress the guys in women's clothes.

It happens that ribbons are pulled into different rooms behind closed doors, with different people holding on to the other end, and they offer to pull out any groom. If he did not guess his beloved, then he had to pay the ransom.

The groom must answer:

- I don't like her, I need another one!

When the bridegroom's beloved is brought out, he says that it is she. After that, the bride is tested to see if she is suitable for the groom. This is usually done by the matchmaker. Matchmaker:

— Yes, this is exactly the firebird, Our dear girl. But is her soul so good and pure?

- Tell me, dear, they will ask you to drink some water from you: an old man, a child and a handsome guy, first who will you pour? The girl answers: To kid. - Right. And tell me then, to whom you pour wine first: to your beloved or to an old man? The girl answers: old man. - Right. But tell me, when you wash the floor, where do you wash it cleaner - in the corners or in the middle? The girl answers: Everywhere. - Right. And tell me, when you cook soup, you are noble, you pour a pinch of cereal into it or a handful? The girl answers: I don’t put cereal in soup, but meat. - You speak well! And now we'll see how well you see and if you're not too lazy to bend your back for a penny of labor! The matchmaker throws coins on the floor. The girl collects them and squeezes them in her hand, at the request of the matchmaker to give them back - she does not agree. Matchmaker: You passed my test. Good hostess, economical. I dropped copper coins so that you would not be poor, but here is silver for you, so that your wife is faithful, and here is paper money, so that you are not too important. I see you are all good. Answer now, do you consent to our young prince becoming your husband? The girl answers: Yes. Matchmaker: - If you agree, cut the loaf that he presented to you as a gift. The girl cuts it into 4 shares crosswise. Matchmaker: - Who will be the first to offer bread and bow at the feet? The girl gives 2 parts of the loaf to the betrothed's parents and bows to them. Matchmaker: - Now I will ask the father and mother of the bride: do they bless their daughter? Parents say yes. Matchmaker: - If everyone agrees, then we need to outline our girl. Before the wedding, let her go with the mark of her betrothed, so that the eyes of other fellows do not look at the beauty of a girl and do not seduce an innocent soul. And we mark our bride of silver with a ring with an amethyst stone. Wear it to your health. The groom puts on the ring to the chosen one. Matchmaker: - Dear matchmakers, they say that grooms are such that often they are not able to hammer a nail themselves. So that you are sure that our fiance can do everything himself, let's ask him to hammer your nail into the threshold, so that from now on he will be your welcome guest. The groom hammers a nail into the threshold. Matchmaker: - And now, our fellow, give your father-in-law a hammer so that you are of good use, and your mother-in-law - a chocolate bar so that everything goes smoothly in life. The groom makes appropriate gifts.

Matchmaker: - From me, young people, you will receive the first gift - a fruit tree. To walk together on the same road - plant him. And it will give wonderful fruits if you take care of it, protect it and water it. Like your family, you must protect from all adversity. And from your love, let children be born and they will be like fruits on this tree - healthy and strong. The matchmaker presents the bride and groom with a seedling of a fruit tree. Matchmaker: - Take overseas wines and wonderful honey to your table. We will smear the owner's ears with this honey so that he does not hear bad things about his son-in-law. And we will smear the eyes of the hostess with this honey so that she does not see anything bad in her son-in-law. And the rest - I’ll smear it on my tongue, so that at the table you can speak sweet as honey! After that, the hosts invite guests to the table. Perhaps, in such a representation, all the ancient traditions of matchmaking are not observed, but it looks spectacular and beautiful. Yes, matchmaking today is just a formal tribute to traditions. And for this reason, the entire scenario of actions on the part of the matchmakers and the groom can fit in 2-3 minutes. And that's what the next video is about. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOsAcVI5O5o

Before preparing for the wedding, parents should be notified about upcoming plans, who will surely be delighted, because they have long been waiting for the legalization of relations and the further happy life of their already adult child.

Parents protect their daughters more than their sons. The girl will become a mother and, of course, it is important for parents not only what kind of husband their daughter's chosen one will be, but also how he will be able to cope with the role of a father in the future. The acquaintance of the groom with the family is an exciting event, because the daughter is getting married, and of course, she must receive a parental blessing.

How to marry a bride

In order to properly woo the bride, to make a good impression on her parents and relatives, you need to resort to the ceremony of matchmaking.
Here are some tips to help make this event fun and bright, so that it will be remembered forever:

1. Hire a matchmaker. With its help, the matchmaking ceremony will be more interesting and varied. Previously, relatives from the groom's side were most often matchmakers. They could invite an outsider for this role, with the condition that he can speak beautifully, has charm or charisma.

2. Conduct an acquaintance on your own in the form of a playful game. In a playful manner, it is easier to establish contact and make friends with the parents of the future bride. Both the groom and the girl's relatives will feel at ease.

3. Arrange a casual feast. You can time it to any family or calendar holiday, for example, to the New Year. Prepare in advance funny scenes, jokes, pranks and topics for joint discussions, do not forget that conversation is the only form of establishing contact between future relatives.

4. Carry out matchmaking in the form of bargaining - buying a bride. Today you can find a ransom script for every taste - comic and classic, short and long. To create a cheerful atmosphere, you need to bargain, slightly belittle the qualities of the groom and overestimate the dignity of the bride.

After the matchmaking was successful, you should warmly thank the parents of your beloved and the assembled guests.

customs

It has long been customary that each holiday has its own rituals. A wedding is the most traditional event. One of the indispensable ceremonies of a wedding is courtship by the groom, and it is desirable to observe all the actions associated with it.

What must be on the table

In Russia, home-made tincture was specially prepared for matchmaking, however, this was the concern of the bride's family. Strengthening family ties with a couple of glasses of tincture is considered mandatory. But if the groom basically does not drink, then when explaining his position, there is nothing shameful in refusing.

Also, sweets and honey should be on the table, so that the parents are sure that after tasting the sweet treat, the future son-in-law will never say a rude word to them.

Traditionally, round bread or a loaf is baked for matchmaking. If the girl agrees to marry, she must cut the bread presented to her into four equal pieces.

Tests for lovers

In order for the groom to feel like a welcome guest in the future, he needs to hammer a nail on the threshold of the room. And the bride will have to pass tests (which are prepared in advance).

In the old days, they could be asked to dance, answer questions, or sweep the floor to check how a future wife is a good housewife. With modern matchmaking, you can come up with funny test games for the bride, and the guests and the groom will help her in this difficult task.

How to make an offer

Permission to marry a daughter is the most important moment of matchmaking. This is what everything is for.

The groom should propose to the girl by addressing his parents.
He briefly talks about feelings for his beloved, that he is ready to protect his family, to be a faithful, kind husband.

When expressing consent, the girl's father must shake hands with the groom. Then the groom can give the bride a symbolic gift - a ring.

Putting a ring on the bride's finger is also an old beautiful tradition.

Preparing for marriage

Matchmaking is a very responsible event and requires careful preparation. Here are some tips to help you get it right:

• It is worth notifying parents on both sides in advance, agreeing on dates so that everyone is comfortable.
• It is also necessary to pronounce the list of participants in the matchmaking in advance so that the host party can better prepare.
  In addition to parents, this important process traditionally involves other close relatives of the groom (brothers, uncles, godfather), as well as one or two best friends who will be directly involved in the preparations for the wedding.
• As they say, the best improvisation is well-rehearsed improvisation. Therefore, if in the process of matchmaking the groom and his relatives intend to joke, tell jokes and praise the future husband in verse, then this whole cheerful scenario should be thought out in advance, prescribed, distributed roles and make sure that the jokes were learned by the participants of the event.
• Gifts for the parents of the bride and the future wife should be thought out in advance.
• To avoid embarrassing situations with the bride, you can discuss presents for her mom and dad, so, for example, not to give the future mother-in-law flowers that she is allergic to, or cognac to a non-drinking sportsman-in-law.
• Traditionally, the bride and her mother are given bouquets of flowers., and the bouquets should be different and symbolic, a good florist will help the groom with this.
• Appearance in the case of matchmaking is a very important detail, so you should worry about a good haircut and ironed clothes in advance. By the way, a very formal appearance of the groom is unlikely to contribute to a cheerful and relaxed atmosphere during the matchmaking. It is enough to be dressed stylishly and in high-quality clothes, even if it is jeans and a sweater.
• It would not be superfluous to discuss with the bride the key points of communication after the official part of the matchmaking: what to talk about with parents, and what is better not to talk about, what issues regarding the upcoming wedding can be discussed. And for the future wife, there should be many surprises in the matchmaking scenario - this should not be forgotten. For example, if the parents bless their daughter for marriage, then the beloved can be presented with a gift - for example, a ring.

The nuances of modern matchmaking

In the modern world, the ceremony of matchmaking by the groom is needed only to achieve a specific goal - to please the bride's parents. If they remain dissatisfied and refuse, you should not be upset - perseverance is important in this matter, marriage can be repeated.

Perhaps the parents will eventually see how much you want to be with their daughter, appreciate you and agree. Even the great Pushkin several times asked for the hand of Natalia Goncharova from her mother, until he obtained permission to marry.

Some dates of the month are considered unsuccessful for matchmaking - 3, 5 and 7. And the number 8, on the contrary, is reputed to bring family well-being.

A few tips for the groom and his matchmakers

• Drink alcohol in moderation, and it is better to do it purely symbolically.
• Don't kiss or hug your bride in front of your parents.
• Try to communicate with all the relatives of the bride, and not just with the parents. To provoke "multilateral communication", to involve even the most silent of those present in the conversation.
• Try to solve fundamental issues regarding the future marriage, the number of guests, planning expenses and other important details at the table in a relaxed atmosphere. Thus, relatives from both sides will be initially involved in the process, which is especially important if they intend to invest in the upcoming celebration.
• In matters relating to marriage, it is advisable to seek advice from the representatives of the oldest generation and listen to their opinion, thus showing them maximum respect.

Nowadays, the ceremony is much simplified and takes place in a free environment. This is a holiday that connects two people and those who are happy with their happiness.

Matchmaking will create a warm relationship between families who have decided to intermarry and will become one of the most precious memories of life. After the matchmaking ceremony is successfully completed, you can set the day of the engagement, which traditionally takes place even more solemnly.