A funny bedtime story for a girl. Funny fairy tales for adults

The man who saw love

He lost count of days, months ... For him, life was an eternity, and everything around was just an endless, forgettable landscape. He did not know hatred, did not understand what cruelty is, living in himself and not thinking about what was alien to his fragile heart.
No one knew who he was or why his features were always light and serene. But his thoughts were far from prying eyes.

He saw love, its living embodiment, slightly perceptible, misty, as different and cool as a summer breeze. People thought that their feeling lives in the heart, only occasionally showing itself, looking out into the sun. But he knew that love had been near them all their lives, yes, near, followed them, putting his hand on their warm, warmed by her hands.

And he, occasionally looking at passers-by, immersed in their thoughts, people only smiled at the splendor of a ghostly silhouette hovering next to them. He was also in love... But this love was platonic, impossible - no, not unrequited, but doomed to never acquire a physical meaning, an image, material, but not so exalted, but earthly. He was in love with his love...

She came to him once and has not left since then ... They were always together: both on a cloudy, harsh day, and on a noisy rainy evening, when, hiding in a warm living room from people's worries, he made her laugh, and she burst into sonorous, laughter that only he can understand. And when the sun was shining, warming the people immersed in the bustle with its rays, they sat in silence, affectionately and carelessly smiling at each other. In those moments, life seemed to be something magical, insanely beautiful and so sentimental. But he lacked... sensations more real, more earthly.

So the time went by...

One day he woke up and went to the window, looking dreamily into the distance... thinking that she was hiding somewhere behind him... smiling at the thought of how he would look back and see her playful smile.

But what he found under the window greatly disturbed him, placing fear in his soul for something that might never happen again. The people he used to look at as if they were something bright, full of feelings, life, warmth... they changed... they wandered alone along the street. On the faces of many of them there were even smiles and delight, but ... it all seemed so far away, unnatural without the barely perceptible silhouettes of feelings floating in the air.

Fear gradually overwhelmed his entire being, but there was something else in him ... understanding coming from somewhere deep ... expectation. He was not even surprised when he heard a barely audible rustle behind him, then approaching measured steps were heard, and, slowly looking around, he saw her ... smiling, but not serenely, but thoughtfully, a little sadly ... She was there, warm and real .

sun and sea

He saw her. She sat on the fence and dangled her bare feet.
"Hello," he told her.
"Hi," she smiled back.
- What are you doing?
- I love the sun.
- Does It love you?
- Loves.
- Correctly.
She looked inquiringly.
- That's right, he loves it. You are beautiful.
He thought a little. She waited and was silent.
- You are very beautiful. May I kiss you?
- Kiss.
She jumped off the fence and walked over to Him. She put her hands on her shoulders and closed her eyes in anticipation. Feeling the soft touch of her lips on her cheek, she opened them again. There was a blush under a light tan. Then They went through the Forest to the Sea. Sitting side by side, They looked at the sunset, leaving in the water.
- And I often come to Love the Sea, - He said.
- And I usually Love the Sun, - She answered.
- Let's love together the sun that goes into the sea.
- Let's.
They hugged - it's better to love together.
The sun went into the Sea quickly, and They could not Love him for long. And then He said:
- Went to the sun.
- Good.
She began to undress. He wanted to turn away. She was surprised - why, you Love Beauty. You can watch and admire. Why are you turning away? She took off her light cotton dress and showed herself to Him.
He brought her to the Sea. She led him to the sun.
The sea carried their bodies, and the Sun spoke the way.
And the sunset never ended.

Eternal devotion

In the long cold fans of the Tibetan winter, one can hear the story of two lovers whose love was so strong that it overcame not only the resistance of their parents, but also defeated death itself. They met at the ford. Every day they came here, bringing yaks to drink, until one fine morning they started talking. It seemed that they could not talk enough, they parted reluctantly, deciding to meet tomorrow at the same place. And by the next meeting, they were already in love with each other.
The following weeks were full of love and anxious expectations for them. In old Tibet, families' marriages were arranged in advance, often from the moment children were born, unplanned unions were considered a disgrace. They had to hide their love from their loved ones, but every morning they hurried to meet at the ford.

One day the young man was more than usual anxious, waiting for his beloved to appear. He trembled all over when he finally heard her footsteps. They barely had time to exchange greetings, and he revealed the secret that kept him in such suspense. He brought her a family jewel - a silver earring inlaid with large turquoise.

Seeing such a gift, the girl thought, because she knew that to accept it meant to swear eternal love. Then she loosened her braid and let the young man weave the earring into her long black hair. And from that moment on, she gave herself to the power of any possible consequences.

It is difficult for a daughter to hide the first impulses of love from her mother's searching gaze, and the earring was soon discovered. Immediately realizing how far things had gone for her, the old woman decided that only the most desperate measures could save the honor of the family. She ordered her eldest son to kill the one who dared to interfere in the affairs of the family, who Ural had the love of a child. The son reluctantly obeyed his mother's order. He intended only to injure the shepherd, but, without informing his son, the mother took additional measures and poisoned the arrow - the young man died in great agony.

The girl was shocked by grief and decided to be freed from suffering forever. Having obtained permission from her father to attend the funeral of her lover, she hurried to the ceremony - the body was already lying in the funeral pyre. Despite all attempts, none of the young man's family could light a fire.

Approaching the place where the fire was kindled, the girl took off her cape. To the surprise of those present, she threw it on the firewood, and the fire immediately flared up. Then, with a mournful cry, she threw herself into the fire, and it devoured them both.

Those present at the funeral were numb with horror. The news of the tragedy soon reached the girl's mother, who rushed to the place of burning. Enraged, she arrived at the funeral before the last coals had cooled, she decided that the young couple could not remain together even after death, and insisted that their bodies, joined in the fire, be separated from each other.

She sent for a local shaman, who began to ask what the beloved feared most in the world during their lifetime. It turned out that the girl was always disgusted with toads, and the young man was terribly afraid of snakes. They caught a toad and a snake and laid them next to the burnt bodies. And immediately, miraculously, the bones parted. Then, at the insistence of the mother, the remains were buried on different banks of the river so that the beloved remained forever apart.

Meanwhile, soon two young trees began to grow on new graves. With unusual speed, they turned into thick trees, their branches stretched out and intertwined above the stream. To those who were nearby, it seemed that the branches were reaching out to each other, as if trying to hug each other, and the children playing nearby said with fright that the rustle of tangled branches was similar to the quiet whisper of lovers. The angry mother ordered the trees to be cut down, but each time new ones grew. Who would have thought that in this way they would be able to prove their loyalty and that their love would continue to bloom even after death in this place.

Heart

My Heart was locked, and the key was given to the Great Keeper of the Keys. He has kept these keys for many centuries. Sometimes the Hearts come to him and ask him to return the key to them. Then the Keeper looks sternly, frowns his brows, as if he wants to see what awaits this Heart in the future and whether it is worth returning the key. What if the Heart does something unreasonable again?

In the castle, the Keeper has a large earthen vessel, in which he keeps Love. When the Heart is just born, the Keeper gives it Love in a special small clay vessel and a key (it is needed to open talents, knowledge and love in the heart). The heart must handle it carefully and correctly. But there are always such Hearts that will definitely break all the rules for storing Love! They scatter it, splash it, leaving absolutely nothing to their relatives and friends. They spend Love on experiences, they begin to love money, things, they love anything, but not that and there is not what they need!

When love ends in their vessel (yes, this can happen too), they become angry, love no one, and hate everyone! They even change color from green to purple-black!

The Guardian also has a Book of Encounters. In this book it is written which Heart, with which Heart and when it must meet! The cover of the book is made of sunlight and pure spring water, interspersed with dew, flowers grow on its pages, a rainbow shimmers and a warm breeze blows! Unfortunately, the Heart, which ineptly spent its Love on all sorts of trifles, when it meets the Heart written down for it according to the Book of Encounters, cannot give it anything. After all, he didn’t even have a small drop of love left ... The heart cannot live long without love, it suffers, suffers, it feels that something is missing ...

And then such exhausted, tired, tormented by sadness, longing and sadness hearts close themselves and take the key to the keeper. They become calm, they no longer have pity, no longing, no sadness, no sorrow, no love. They do not feel anything, they have no Emotions, they are neutral and indifferent to everything; cynicism and selfishness, pride and pride become their companions...

But there were also reasonable Hearts, they carefully and with deep respect carried their love, their small clay vessel, carefully distributing it to their loved ones, relatives, with those poor and unhappy hearts they also shared their warm love, they gave it to nature and animals. And they definitely had to give the brightest grain of their love to the Guardian as a token of gratitude and respect for him, for the gift of Love, which is the most priceless in the world!

Sometimes it happened that the Heart came to the Guardian and asked very much for a spare key from another Heart, because he could not open it for a long time, he suffered a lot from that! The Keeper took his Book of Meetings and looked, whether it was the Heart, and if there was a record of their meeting, then, of course, he helped and gave the key. But before that, he could arrange various tests, otherwise it’s too early, he can’t be wrong! If the heart passed these tests (and if the heart loves, then it will cope with any trials and difficulties), then the Guardian gave the key. After all, nothing could so soften the severity of the guardian and make him kinder as a loving heart! Many hearts came to ask for those Hearts who were not a couple, and there was no entry in the Great Book of Meetings.

Then the Keeper frowned again, was silent for a long time, he thought... Then he looked intently, he knew and saw that it never ends with anything good... He pointed to the door and, saying that it was not time yet and we had to wait. And they left these hearts sad and drooping...

But once a year the Guardian is very kind to everyone and gives gifts! With cruel and stupid, devastated hearts, he filled their little vessel with pure love. So that they can love and be loved again, find their heart and give it the love that they could not give before ... so that they again discover knowledge in themselves and gain faith and a new path!
Well, the Guardian gave fiery and fiery love to kind, honest and faithful hearts in a vessel of roses, lilies, summer breeze, and sweet strawberries and cherries, it will warm them for many, many more years!
And this only happens once a year. Guess when? On Valentine's Day.

The Tale of the Angel and the Shadow

Why did someone come up with the idea that darkness and light are incompatible? They are opposite, but that doesn't mean anything. Absolutely nothing.

One day an Angel fell in love with a Shadow.
- How it is? - you ask. After all, an angel is a bright heavenly being, and a shadow is just a shadow.
Well, yes, she was just a shadow, she was a demonic being whose heart was soaked in darkness and pain. The angel was beautiful in his virtue, beauty and purity.
And yet he loved her. He loved her black hair, her sad eyes, her black clothes, her sad thoughts, he even loved her black deeds and her sad thoughts about them.
But the Shadow is a shadow, it belonged to evil. She laughed at the Angel, and, laughing, she said: “Think for yourself. I am just a shadow, and you are an angel. I am darkness and you are light, I am evil and you are good. We're not meant to be together."

But the Angel did not back down. He himself suffered for a long time, thinking about how he could love her, the eternal shadow, whose life passes in eternal darkness.
“But maybe that’s why,” thought the Angel, “I fell in love with her, for her eternal wanderings and suffering, for her wars and defeats with herself, for her sad eyes and eternally suffering heart.”
The shadow, like all shadows, was not a fool, and thought that an extra angel in friends would never hurt. She accepted his gifts, signs of attention, smiled at him, stroked his warm cheek when he whispered to her: "I love you." The angel was happy because he knew how to be happy.
But soon the Shadow got tired of it, and she waved her hand to the Angel, saying that it was better for them to leave.
The angel wept for a long time, although he knew it was a sin. He cursed life and fate, even though he knew it was a sin. He suffered.
The shadow again only laughed evilly at him.

But once a dazzlingly pure and kind thought slipped into the heart of the Shadow, this thought settled in her like a splinter, it grew and puffed up, turning into an obsession, and, finally, the Shadow, driven by this idea, took a fatal step - did a good deed. Now her body began to cover honesty and kindness. Now a faint radiance of compassion began to emanate from her. The shadow, as best it could, began to cover them up with bad deeds and bad deeds. But it didn't help.

She was noticed. They began to check. When they learned that she had done a good deed, they became furious in dark circles, and when they learned about her connection with the Angel, they simply went berserk.
And they decided to apply the main measure of punishment. Not to destroy, no, they decided to send her to the "Gray" zone, a place where only the deeply guilty were exiled. The place where your true beginning, black or white, cannot manifest itself, tormenting you. Where, if you are a dark being, your evil will only eat you yourself, where, if you are a light being, no one will need your virtue, and from hopelessness it will turn into anger and hatred for the whole world. In the "Gray" zone, there was no peace for anyone, only suffering and torment.

Black tears dripped from Shadow's black eyes as she listened to the verdict. And when she was asked about her last wish, she suddenly suddenly realized that she wanted to see the Angel. The angel flew in like a bullet, and was not even surprised when the Shadow quietly asked if he would like to go with her to the "Gray" zone. He just smiled sadly and answered just as quietly: "Yes, I'll fly with you."

Everyone gasped, but they could not forbid him anything. Because of their own free will, anyone could get there. Although willing, frankly speaking, was not at all. Only the Angel who followed his Shadow.
So they began to live together in the "Gray" zone. It was hard for them. But the Angel's love worked wonders, the Shadow's own evil did not eat her from the inside, and, in the end, the feeling of gratitude to the Angel, much to her surprise, grew into reciprocal love. She fell in love with someone for the first time, because the feeling of love - a bright feeling - has never been inherent in the shadows.

So they lived, and with their strange union they violated all existing laws and rules.
And yet, the original heart of the Shadow, now wrapped in love, was wormy, and this worm was the Evil with which she was born and whom she was called to serve.
She cheated on him. She cheated in response to his boundless love, cheated with some unfortunate demon, expelled into the "Gray" zone a long time ago.
And he found out. And he suffered. He was silent for a long time and thought for a long time.

For the first time, Shadow suddenly realized that he was losing him. For the first time, she realized that the worst thing for her was not the "Gray" zone, but the realization that she would never be able to look into his blue eyes again, would never hear his voice again.
For the first time she cried, crying not for herself, but for the love of another.
He approached her and tried to comfort her. No matter what she did, he couldn't bear to watch her cry. He walked over and froze in one place.
The tears were not black and bitter, like all shadows, but transparent and salty. They were pure tears. He realized that he had changed her.
Now she could leave the "Gray" zone, because she was not the one who entered here.
He did, he forgave her. She didn't believe it, but he forgave her.

And they flew out of the zone together. Now the Shadow is no longer afraid of the light. Her love and the love of the Angel performed a miracle: she turned into a bright being, changing her beginning.
And so, holding hands, they fly together towards the sunlight and warmth, and the breath of the Creator illuminates their path.

And in the "Gray" zone, they are still talking about that case. There are legends about this, and each time, finishing his story, the narrator asks his listeners: “Why did someone come up with the idea that darkness and light are incompatible?”.

Pages of love folklore

Your eyes are closed and sleep is already on your face. I won't disturb you, my dear, sleep. You heard me come in, but you didn’t open your eyes, only your lips moved in a slight smile .... I love it when you smile ... your lips look like a small hunting bow with raised tips, in the depths of which lives a pink tongue-arrow. Oh, that multifunctional arrow! She knows how to kill on the spot with well-aimed words, she knows how to give imperious orders to subordinate men, she knows how to gently coo under my chin, or she can just be silent, doing her amazing job!
Sleep, my dear, I will not disturb you. I will not lie down next to you, but will sink to the floor to be on a par with your face.
I love such moments of mental unity with you. In these moments there are no physical contacts, only our souls speak. For me, now you are a little girl who I want to caress, stroke her curls and whisper something awkward to the sweet coming dream. You are an adult, beautiful, self-confident woman, but you also, like a child, miss tender words, I know this and am ready to tell you them. They have accumulated in me, crowded in my chest and in my head, they want to be heard. Mom could say a lot of magic words to you, but mom will not say what a loving man can say. Sleep, sleep sweetly under my muttering, and it's even better that you fell asleep. You sleep, and I will whisper to you what my heart is full of.
It is a pity that I am not an oriental poet - Firdousi, for example, or Hafiz, or Alisher Navoi ... they knew many beautiful words with which they sang their beloved.

A living spring is your mouth and sweeter than all joys,
my sobs are no match for the Nile and the Euphrates itself.

All sweets have lost their taste and are cheap in price:
the nectar of your sweetest lips is more beautiful than all delights.

And even the sun is hard to compete with you:
your mirrored brow is a hundred times brighter than it.

Sweet words murmur like a fast mountain stream, flow like a smooth majestic river, rustle with a gentle spring breeze, surround with a viscous pink aroma ... everything is for you, everything is for you ...
I look at your bare shoulders. What are you wearing under the covers now? You have a flannel nightgown with a lace collar at the neck, a funny cambric shirt, sometimes you put on flirty pajamas with ties at the throat and under the knees ... I know all your night dresses, I know them with my eyes, teeth and touch, because I took them off more than once from you ... and now I still see not a blanket on you, not your clothes, but your skin under it ... More recently, you hummed something in the bath, basking in clouds of snow-white foam, more recently you left the bathroom, and wet droplets the water glistened on your shoulders and on your chest over the towel, and right here, at the very dimple in your throat... that dimple always drove me crazy... and now my tongue moves habitually in my mouth... I love kissing you in that dimple... no, no, today I am quiet and humble, I just talk to you ... in words, but silently ... yes, it happens, thoughts are also words, only they are a thousand times faster!
I admire you. You are now lying on a high pillow, surrounded by hair golden from the light of a nightlight, still damp at the ends, although you tried to hide them under a cap, but they still got wet and became a dark bronze color ... you smell of sea water, salty wind and something else - then painfully familiar, which makes me dizzy and takes my breath away ... It smells like you ... I inhale this smell, it is not more beautiful in the world ... my roses, my favorite roses, forgive me, your aroma is magnificent, but there is no smell sweeter than the smell of a beloved woman!
I look at your eyes, they are closed, I remember them perfectly, I know how they look in the twilight, the black dots of the pupils become huge, like a black universe, they attract me, and I drown in them ...
I take your hand, bring it to my lips ... I kiss your every finger, every nail, I run your hand along my cheek, do you feel how smooth it is? I shaved, you love it when my cheeks are smooth, you love to rub against them, touch them with your tongue. Of course, my cheeks will never compare with yours with their delicate velvety skin, but somewhere in the very depths of me I am ready for the fact that you can suddenly wake up and want to press your cheek against mine ... I'm always ready! Do you remember how once your cheeks were pierced by my stubble and in the morning covered with many small red spots .... To the bewildered glances of the employees, you casually answered that you had eaten too much strawberries ... allergies, they say, and no one asked where you can get strawberries in winter ...
Therefore, I found pleasure in the once unpleasant occupation for me - shaving ... everything is for you, everything is for you!
I always want to call you baby, I want to caress and pamper you like a little girl, smooth your eyebrows with my finger, draw them along the line of your nose, along the curve of your lips, along your chin, neck, down, down ... stop ...
You stirred and smiled happily at the dream, sighing briefly...
Sleep, my love... sleep, it was I who entered your dream.

Do you want to tell a story to your loved one? You don't think about that! We are not going to deceive him. The conversation turned to a real bedtime story about Love for a beloved guy or man.

You, of course, could calmly tell the old - good fairy tales of childhood .... "Cinderella", "Puss in Boots" .... Well, you can already see that there is a choice.

But it is better to be more original and tell a fairy tale that he does not know. How do you feel about such a proposal? Hope it's good. If I was not mistaken in my hopes, start reading a fairy tale so that there is something to tell to your dear and beloved.

In fact, that little fairy tale will surprise him. With her help, you can easily fulfill your dream .... Do you want to marry the one you love? If so, this story is just what you need.

The city was sleeping so soundly that it did not hear the music of the shooting stars. Autumn was the main decoration of the city. The girl who quietly wandered the streets remembered forever this “time of gold”.

It was raining

He walked side by side with the girl. She listened to his steps, imagining that they were the steps of the one with whom she had a fight just recently. Thoughts, scenes of the streets, people's faces flashed by.

She walked without noticing the traffic lights and their “winks”. She would have walked for a long time if she had not been stopped by a very strange intersection. Not far from the curb, the girl noticed a huge bouquet of roses, which seemed to be lying and waiting for her. She picked him up from the ground, though she was scared at first. But curiosity was stronger than fear.

As soon as Lena's hands touched the bouquet, time began to run much faster. Thoughts filled my mind and my brain. She thought about Cyril ....

She thought about him and hated autumn

It seemed to her that she would separate him forever from her beloved. Tears and rain mixed. The clouds and the rays of the sun mingled, barely flickering behind the trees.

She wanted to see him. She dreamed about it. Tears dripped onto the roses. Lenochka wanted it all to be a dream. After a while, the girl found herself in a completely unfamiliar place, because she did not notice how she missed the turn she needed.

Lena did not believe her eyes, because they saw the carriage. Real carriage! A princess came out of it in a very elegant dress.

Girl, honey, give me a bouquet, and I will fulfill your every desire. - She said.

Lena could not come to her senses for about three minutes from surprise.

But the bouquet, of course, gave. She did not notice how the ink spread over the flowers, and they looked like ladybugs.

You cried because you had a fight with your loved one, didn't you? And your desire is to reconcile with him? The princess guessed. “You know, I have almost the same problem. True, I quarreled with the groom, because, due to my carelessness, I lost the flowers that you helped find. The fact is that these flowers are not quite simple: my happiness is hidden in them. And my fiancé, having learned that I had lost happiness, thought that I did not love him. Strange story, but it happened to me.

When Lena gave the flowers to the princess, she, in gratitude, gave her a beautiful dress. Asked:

Do you want to marry your loved one?

Of course I want! - The girl answered happily. She spoke sincerely and warmly. But she remembered the quarrel that had taken place between them. I remembered and wanted to forget.

Get in the carriage with me! – Shouted girl. Lena obeyed. Once she did so... The carriage flew off into the distance. From surprise, Lenochka could not even ask where exactly they were heading.

It turned out that they landed on the roof of the house where her Kirill lived. A moment later he appeared in front of the carriage. Very beautiful music began to play, the nightingales sang .... The girl dissolved in all this charm. The guy stood and waited for something.

Lenka was frightened that she herself started the conversation. She just asked a question:

Do you want to marry me?

At this point, the story ends. You look into the eyes of your loved one. He will answer your question. So he will understand that you dream about him as an adult. You give him a reason to think! And don't be afraid of anything: he loves - he will answer what you want to hear.

Opinions of girls in love about a fairy tale

I myself would be the heroine of this fairy tale. Even the quarrel is forgotten there. Not like in reality. They also throw mud at each other when they quarrel. In a fairy tale, it is simpler and more pleasant. We move into a fairy tale, ladies and gentlemen!

Good fairy tale. But it doesn't look like reality at all. No girl can ask a guy that question. If only under beer. I wouldn't be able to say right away that I want to get married either. And I couldn't tell.

And I would say! But I don't have a boyfriend right now. We broke up a month and a half ago. And I read the fairy tale with pleasure, because there is some kind of “zest” in it. Oh, if I had a boyfriend, I would definitely recommend reading it.

And I didn't like it. Dry, little... I love big stories. I've been used to this since childhood. Well, at the expense of marriage, you can talk without fairy tales. Am I wrong about this? Rights, of course! Who does not agree - is ready to argue to the last.

I'm interested in the title of this story. I would sit down and write a sequel to it. Yes, hands do not reach. Maybe I'm not allowed to write such things. I'm used to rhymes. And either I'm afraid to switch to prose, or I just don't want to. Or I'm not ready for such changes in life.

I only read the end of the story. I always do this. I really liked the last line. Boldly, though! I respect the girl who dares to say so. That is…. Ask. I'm weak. I can't exactly do that. But it's not about me.

The story is so-so. The title is very romantic. So pretty, yet simple. You will need to tweak something yourself. But I'm just always going. As a rule, things do not reach practice, alas. And this infuriates me. I like to teach, and I myself am a zero without a wand.

cheat sheet

- Funny and vulgar tales!

Pros: funny, fun, turns on

Disadvantages: accidentally read by children

We all love fairy tales since childhood. But when children grow up, their circle of interests changes dramatically. And even stories about familiar from childhood and favorite characters may be of interest to an adult reader only if they are overgrown with more “adult” details. Yes, I mean vulgar tales). So, if you want something to entertain your soulmate before going to bed, I can offer you a couple of interesting, but vulgar fairy tales for adults!)).

Once upon a time there were Ivan Tsarevich and Vasilisa the Beautiful. Happiness and harmony were in the family, but there was not enough understanding: no matter how Ivan Tsarevich asked, Vasilisa did not give him. Nobody knows the reasons, and Ivan Tsarevich has nowhere to go, as long as she is his lawful wife. Over time, the peasant had to get used to and forget about this matter.

But one day, trouble came to the kingdom: the Serpent-Gorynych got into the habit of ruining villages in the kingdom and kidnapping local girls for obscene purposes. Ivan Tsarevich led the detachment, they went to look for the damned snake. We walked for a long time, told many ruined villages on our way. And now they see: the Serpent-Grynych is sitting in an open field, waiting for them. The good fellows were frightened, they gave a tear. One on one, Ivan Tsarevich fought with a snake. But as he realized that he was losing, he began to retreat into the forest. Decided to spend the night here. Ivan Tsarevich was looking for a place to sleep and wandered to the swamp. The poor fellow got lost, completely despaired. And suddenly he hears a thin voice:

Warm me, Ivan Tsarevich, take a nap. I want warmth and sex.

Better take me out of the swamp, - he answers, seeing a green frog in front of him. You are not fit for this job. You have holes, go, no!

And you love me the way I am: cold and green - I'll take you out of the swamp. Get your farm, I'll open my mouth wider - plant me as your soul desires!

At first, Ivan was afraid of such a proposal - what if he picks up some other disgusting thing in this swamp. But he remembered his wife, which did not give him, remembered the Serpent-Gorynych, whom he could not defeat if he did not get out of the swamp. And made a decision. He sees: the frog has already opened its mouth. He put it in her mouth all the way to the bottom. And the frog was just waiting for this - how let's try! Ivan Tsarevich received incredible pleasure, all the seed splashed out, accumulated over the years. He looks - and instead of a frog in front of him, a naked girl is already sitting on her knees, offering to stay with her until morning. Ivan Tsarevich could not resist, succumbed to the charms of the Frog Princess. And in the morning the hero got up, straightened his shoulders, and it became easy for him, as if a large stone had been removed from him. Ivan Tsarevich went into a clean field, took a sword in his hands and defeated the Serpent-Gorynych.

Once upon a time there was one normal kid in the world, whose name was simply - Ilya. He is simple Ilyukha, correct, but he had one oddity - he did not want to get off the stove! He told everyone, they say, he is sick, his legs do not hold, and not only from a hangover. Well, the villagers quickly realized that our Ilyusha was too lazy to just get up from the stove. And his father was a noble governor, but he died in an unequal struggle with the damned Polovtsians! All that remained of him was chain mail and a rusty sword.

The villagers got tired of Ilyusha's wild life and his heroic strength. After all, whoever says anything against him can get hit on the head with a log from the stove. Ilya has already killed three of our fellow villagers, crippled eight, filthy Herod!

The villagers gathered and decide what to do with Ilyusha?

"Let's get together with the whole gang, we'll fall on him, and we'll plug him with stakes in the ass, for the glory of Perun!" - alas, this decision was not liked by the mother and sisters of Ilya's half-womb, who offered to just humanely make him drink marsh water, rape him and strangle him with a rawhide strap.

But there was one stray sorcerer, who, for being allowed to get drunk, offered to cure Ilya. However, he did not want to get up from the stove, to defend his homeland - he sent the old man to hell. The sorcerer was offended, rolled out the zenki, built a goat on both hands, spat the jamb on the floor, waved his hand, and went back to the forest, swollen. And a miracle happened here! He used to swear, booze, women tore in different poses, and weak legs were not a hindrance. Now, in general, the mouth does not open, the member hangs from the stove to the floor, does not eat, does not drink, does not fart, does not fuck, swears.

But the sorcerer nevertheless took pity on Ilyusha and promised to remove the curse. But for this, Ilya had to give the old man his stocked joint. After the words "Get up and go, damned" - Ilyusha, disenchanted, jumped from the stove, swung at the grandfather, and he had already caught a trace.

Having nothing to do, our great Ilya Muromets went to perform feats for the glory of the Russian land! ..

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Vulgar bedtime stories for a girl are short, probably available on the website of the section sponsor:

Go to sleep. Adults can make babies go to bed on their own. After all, it’s good to lie down and listen to how mom tells interesting short bedtime stories. You can invent them yourself - there are so many objects around, and each of them can temporarily become a participant in a magical action. Ideas are just in the air. You can invent fantastic characters or endow forest animals and pets with magical powers.

fish

If you have an aquarium, let its inhabitants provide inspiration for a new story. Short bedtime stories can be about fish.

Tell your child that when everyone falls asleep, the light turns on in the aquarium - these are the inhabitants of the underwater kingdom who arrange funny dances.

You can start the tale with the fact that a small catfish (or other fish that is in the home aquarium) lived in an aquarium. Catfish was very fond of singing, but the owners of the aquarium did not hear him. The fish diligently opened its mouth to extract beautiful sounds and was very upset that no one praised it for this.

The owners saw that their catfish was sad and thought it was from loneliness. They bought him a girlfriend and planted her when the catfish was sleeping. After he woke up, he began to sing as always, and suddenly he heard someone praising him. He was surprised and saw another fish. Somik was glad that now they hear him, he began to try even harder.

The second individual was female and over time the catfish created a strong family, they had many children. And now, when people fall asleep, the fish begin to sing in their own language and dance merrily. From their joy, the aquarium is filled with light that streams in different directions.

Short bedtime stories can be dedicated not only to fish, but also to forest animals.

Hare with magic ears

When your baby goes to bed, surprise him. Ask if he knows that the magic hare has detachable ears. The beginning of the story will surely interest the child. Tell him if he wants to hear more, let him lie down in his bed. After that you will be able to continue. Short stories told to children at night will help them fall asleep faster and have good dreams.

So, there lived a bunny with magic ears in the forest. He woke up early, went for a walk and sang his cheerful song. This morning the animal, as always, fastened its ears and went for a walk. On the way, he met a hedgehog, they talked and the hare told him about his magic ears, which can hear what will happen the next day. Friends did not know that their conversation was heard by the evil wizard Mukhomor Muhorovich. He was the lord of three foxes and called them. The foxes have arrived. Mukhomor Muhorovich revealed a secret to them, telling them about the wonderful ears of a hare. The magician ordered the foxes to bring him ears.

They asked the forest dwellers where the hare could be found. But no one answered them, since everyone loved a kind animal, but no predators. But the foxes managed to deceive the squirrel. They said it was the hare's birthday and they were bringing him a present. The gullible squirrel showed the way to the foxes.

What happened next

They grabbed the hare and took it to the fly agaric. But he did not reward them, but turned chanterelles into mushrooms. He grabbed the hare by the ears, but he broke free and ran away. And the ears remained with Mukhomor Mukhorovich.

Meanwhile, the little squirrel told the animals that the hare had a birthday. Everyone went to him with gifts, but they found him weeping bitterly. Kosoy told the beasts what happened and how he lost his ears.

The animals found a wise old raven and asked him how to defeat Mukhomor Mukhorovich. He replied that he needed to say 3 times: "Be healthy." They uttered these words in chorus, and the evil wizard immediately turned into a simple fly agaric mushroom. The animals brought the bunny his ears, and everyone began to sing and have fun.

Such short bedtime stories will allow the child to fall asleep in a good mood, and the next evening, too, quickly go to bed to hear another interesting story.

How the sun argued with the moon

One day, towards evening, the moon and the sun met in the sky. The luminary of the day and says to the night one: “Still, people love me more. In winter, they ask me to appear, then everyone’s mood improves. In the spring they look forward to me, they want me to melt the snow faster, bring warmth closer. I give people a golden tan, warm up the seas, rivers, lakes in which people love to swim so much. over the horizon."

The moon listened to the sun for a long time and replied that she had nothing to say to this, and it would be better for her to hide behind the clouds, since people do not need it. So the moon did. Meanwhile, a man was returning to his village. At first he walked joyfully along the road, but when the moon hid behind the clouds, it became dark, he lost his way.

Then he began to ask the moon to appear at least for a little while. She looked out, the man found his way home. Then the moon realized that people needed it too, and therefore tried not to hide behind the clouds, but to light the way for night travelers.

White bull and the like

If you want to tell your child very short bedtime stories, jokes will help you out. You can tell about the grandfather and the woman who ate milk porridge. Then tell about the fact that the old man was angry with his wife and slapped her on the stomach (lightly). And then adults know what happened.

When talking about a white bull, you simply repeat the words after the child, first saying the phrase: “Do you want to listen to a fairy tale about a white bull”? You can diversify the story by calling it gray or even black.

Funny bedtime stories

Short funny stories will amuse both adults and children. If you need a fairy tale for an adult, tell me that there was a prince. One day he came to the princess and asked if she would marry him. She answered: "No." Therefore, the prince lived happily ever after - he did what he wanted, went wherever he wanted, no one forbade him anything, etc. Of course, after such a story, all that remains is to laugh.

At night, the guys themselves can compose. So, one boy came up with a story about a merchant who had everything. Once he bought a mirror box. When he opened it at home, he lost everything - both the house and wealth. Amuse your child with similar short stories that teach you not to want more than a person needs and be happy with what he has.