Double life of women. Parallel relationships: how to get out of the trap

My friend Yulia has never tried on the role of a secret agent, but now she has a real double life. The fact is that at the age of thirty, being married and having a child, Yulka fell in love again. Her chosen one does not even live in Moscow, but in her hometown, where she goes every weekend under the plausible pretext of “visiting her mother.” When I meet a friend, I see that she simply glows with happiness, her eyes sparkle, she spouts enthusiastic stories, and even I can catch the vibes of sexuality emanating from her, and our men look at Yulka with completely different eyes.

Probably our time is to blame. Traditional patriarchal marriages are becoming a thing of the past; modern man, especially a resident of a large metropolis, is already accustomed to the frantic pace of life. They are attracted to everything new, and they part with the already boring old ones easily and without regret.

"Yes, this is my ex-boyfriend, now we are just friends“- another friend of mine comments casually, having met her ex-boyfriend at a party. Over the past year, she has already changed several young people. And each time it seems to her that this is love for life, although in the end it’s always something not satisfied. But in fact, passion and beautiful courtship end and everyday life begins, about which, as we know, more than one love boat has crashed.

So, one day, after two months of a whirlwind romance, she decided to move in with her boyfriend. " Can you imagine, when we first met, we went to restaurants, movies, and concerts every evening. Oh, yes, it was a complete extravaganza! But as soon as I moved into his apartment as a hostess, I did not recognize my Kostya. Now it’s simply impossible to get him out of the house, he turned out to be such a bore and even tried to force me to cook, but he categorically refused to go anywhere to a civilized place"Needless to say, my friend ran away from him after a couple of weeks and still lives with her friend in a rented apartment...

Of course, you can’t order your heart. And subconsciously we are looking for in our new loved one what is so lacking in our current one. For example, your husband sits at home all day in front of the TV, but you have always dreamed of being read poetry, invited to the theater and given armfuls of roses. This means that you lack romance and subconsciously you will look for just such a relationship. Or you are quite satisfied with your current man that he is a master with “golden hands”, he does renovations in the apartment himself, but the significant drawback is that he has not read a single book in his entire life. And you are ready to fall in love with the first intellectual you meet with several higher educations, who, as it turns out, has not driven a single nail into a wall in his entire life.

Having two husbands at once is the dream of Margarita Khobotova from the film “Pokrovsky Gates”. But we need to choose one, and the older we get, the higher the demands. Finding one that would meet all our female requirements is probably simply impossible. But you can try to love him for who he really is, and not try to change him.

She has a ringing laugh, a daring outfit, and a magnetic appeal that has drawn a crowd of potential suitors, competing in wit and sincerity. If all the lights in the room were turned off at once, then it would become the same source of illumination of a million lumens. And in this dazzling light of its natural sizzling brightness, you will notice several ladies deprived of attention, hiding in the corner.

Why is this little devil attracting so much attention? Psychologists, experts in unnecessary things and pick-up artists offer a huge variety of explanations to choose from: she is an extravagant person, she is an approachable person. But if suddenly an evolutionary biologist observes this apotheosis of female superiority, then in a tired voice he will offer a much more amazing interpretation: this triumph simply happened in a certain month, a certain period.

That is, everything that we love and despise women for, everything that makes us talk badly about them and praise their mere existence is ordinary biology. Read this to understand why some days she is the sweetest, and others you want to kill her.

Double sexuality

Back in 2009, such an explanation would have been considered heresy and nonsense by British scientists. Of course, biologists could refer to chimpanzees, recall that once every 28 days the genitals of females swell up like overripe peaches of a dramatic pink color. In fact, during estrus (popularly known as “estrus”), behavior changes in all mammals, even cats. Remember your crazy animal, which is literally squashing from biological needs (we are still talking about a cat) - this is simply a standard of depravity. The only mammal that does not advertise itself during days of acceptable biological debauchery is the human female. It was believed that female estrus was lost somewhere in one of the turns of rapid human evolution. However, University of New Mexico biology professor Randy Thornhill argues that this is nothing more than an outdated, traditional way of looking at things.

Over the past decade, evolutionary biologists and psychologists have uncovered abundant evidence that women, sometimes unknowingly, hint that they are ovulating and that their nature requires fertilization. Although these changes are much more subtle than in other species, they have a strong impact on the perceptions, preferences, behavior of women and the reactions of others to her. Monthly shifts even affect men's feelings and actions. The invisible but powerful twists and turns of the reproductive cycle shape the daily behavior of all of us as humans. But here’s what’s scary: “Human ovulation is not an observable event. Both men and women don't have a clear understanding of this,” says Marty Haselton, associate professor of communication studies and psychology.

Take, for example, what kind of partners women prefer. This is not a specific type of person, for women prefer completely different men depending on whether they are fertile or not. During the ovulation phase (when they can become pregnant), women gravitate toward males with more “masculine” characteristics. Simply put, my friend, they are attracted to healthy, beautiful and curly-haired bastards with broad shoulders, a V-shaped body, a deep, velvety voice, who try to dominate and behave like baboons during the mating season. In the follicular phase (for the male part of humanity, not burdened with medical education, this is simply the bleeding phase), preferences change again.

So it is safe to say that a woman experiences two sexualities: the first during ovulation, and the second during the remaining month. These different modes arise from two competing reproductive goals. The fact is that it is very important for the female to obtain the highest quality genes for her offspring. And the higher the testosterone level, the better the genes.

However, as soon as she enters the phase of expanded sexuality, it is already important for her to see in front of her not a testosterone pear, but a reliable provider who will share resources and who can provide offspring. The Jews reason correctly when they determine gender by mother. Everyone knows who the mother of the child is, and only God knows who the father is.

How behavior and appearance changes

The influence of the menstrual cycle on women is manifested not only in desire, but also in behavior. Women who are in the ovulation phase show more interest in erotic materials than women in the luteal (post-ovulation phase) or follicular (that bloody) phase. A strange craving for films of “easy virtue” appears, clothing becomes more open, and attention to one’s own appearance becomes more careful. This one is unlikely to go out without makeup.

In 2004, a team of researchers from the University of Vienna analyzed photographs of 351 women visiting Austrian nightclubs and collected a saliva sample from each. Women who weren't shy about showing their bodies to the world and wearing more or less revealing clothes had higher levels of estradiol, a female hormone that rises during ovulation. Apparently, these were the most enjoyable studies in the history of the University of Vienna.

And now the main news that every man should take note of. This is not certain, but it seems like ovulating women are more receptive to male advances. This may only happen in French Brittany, but research by Nicholas Gouguin determined that 22% of women in their fertile phase accepted a man's invitation to date, while only 8% of women before or after ovulation said yes. Most likely, women during this period were more ready for love overtures, because they felt as confident as possible. They consider themselves sexier and more attractive when they are ovulating than at other times of the month. That is, there are fewer conversations about “am I fat or not,” and self-confidence increases a hundredfold.

What is most striking is that they also change in appearance. These changes are subtle, barely noticeable. They occur throughout the entire cycle, but they still exist. Breasts become more symmetrical and your waist-to-hip ratio becomes sexier. Not everyone pays attention to this, but if you were shown photographs of the same woman in different periods of fertility, you would absolutely fall for the “ovulation”. Moreover, if your girlfriend sometimes wears your T-shirt, then during ovulation she will smell as delicious and seductive as possible. So delicious that you want to indulge in the fall.

Male reaction

And men during this period, regardless of whether they pick up biochemical signals or not, behave like jealous sheep on a leash. We immediately begin to pay closer attention to her location, wonder where she was, what she was doing, call, give gifts more often and do something nice. Why, at such times it’s even more pleasant to be near her and she’s less annoying.

One of the most fascinating studies of men's responses to women's reproductive abilities was conducted by Jeffrey Miller, an associate professor of psychology at the University of New Mexico. Miller found that 18 private menstruating strippers earned an average of about $184 US per five-hour shift. Ovulants, on the other hand, filled their panties with an average of $354. Of course, the clients didn’t know about the dancers’ cycle.

And the most interesting thing is that the experiment involved women swallowing birth control pills. They earned $193 - more than the bleeding ones, but less than during estrus. This is because hormonal hormones place the female body in a state of pseudo-pregnancy. Apparently this somehow affects behavior. On the other hand, birth control effectively reverses the biological and psychological changes associated with ovulation. Thus, modern contraception may disrupt adaptations developed over many thousands of years of evolution. But the exact nature of this adaptation remains to be seen.

But let's return to our loved ones. I would like to know how insidious women manipulate our consciousness. The signaling hypothesis states that provocative outfits, waist-to-hip ratios, and seductive scents send our subconscious a signal similar to those sent by cats and chimpanzees.

In nature, there are only males who are extremely successful in detecting the estrus phase - these are male wombats. According to researchers, men are not very different from animals. The thing is that we react just as sharply to women’s smells and appearance, but we don’t even notice it ourselves.

By identifying the fertile phase of a female, a man can maximize his efforts to impregnate her and prevent other men from doing the same. Meanwhile, women are highly motivated to hide the timing of ovulation. If a person is unsure when their partner is fertile, they cannot restrict their movements or limit their interactions. Hidden ovulation also allows women to secretly mate with different partners, since neither potential father can be sure of the paternity of the offspring. However, her efforts at subterfuge are always incomplete. "It's difficult for women to completely hide all signs of fertility; some inevitably leak out," says Marty Haselton. “We call this the fuzzy hypothesis.”

The monthly turnover of women's reproductive cycles may also help explain their increased vulnerability to psychological disorders such as depression and anxiety. Before puberty, boys are more unstable than girls. But during and after puberty, women become more receptive to sex. The thing is that estrogen and progesterone first rise to their highest levels during ovulation, and then sharply decrease, which leads to increased sensitivity and a tendency to stress.

Pregnancy

Now let's talk about the period during which most men want to hang themselves as quickly as possible. Believe me, sooner or later this information will come in handy. During pregnancy, the goal of evolution is to protect the mother and fetus from disease, infection, and contamination. A pregnant woman is vulnerable to such dangers, especially during her first trimester, because her immune system is suppressed to avoid harming the foreign body hidden in her womb.

Daniel Fessler, an anthropologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, has studied a number of these protective behaviors that accompany pregnancy. Women in the critical first trimester experience feelings of disgust more vividly. This sensitivity likely "compensates" for increased vulnerability by encouraging them to avoid potential sources of disease.

For the same reason, all this madness happens with gastronomic preferences: when she wants tiramisu, and a minute later - hazelnuts with herring. All these delights, coupled with increased sensitivity to smells and nausea, help protect the fetus from dietary pathogens. Therefore, do not take your woman to the butcher to avoid embarrassment. By the way, about meat: there is an opinion that it was pregnancy that led to the gender division, which is partly visible to this day. Many women have problems with meat during pregnancy. Even during the menstrual cycle, some refuse it. The men needed more meat, and accordingly, the share of the production was disproportionate. This influenced the man to establish himself as a hunter. Besides, a pregnant woman is only a so-so hunter.

By the way, if your pregnant friend is not delighted with your tortured, sleepy face, then don’t be offended, this is another level of protection. Pregnant women avoid people with unhealthy appearance, otherwise you never know, they might catch something else. Benedict Jones, a professor of psychology at the University of Aberdeen in Scotland, showed photographs to 115 pregnant women and asked them to choose which they preferred. Some faces were digitally manipulated to make them look healthy, while others were made even more sickly. Of course, the pretty ones outperformed the sickly ones almost to zero. This is because the pregnant woman’s subconscious unconsciously motivates her to avoid people who can carry infectious diseases and pose a danger. Most likely, in the past, patients were expelled from the clan or tribe. And the habits of ancestors are not simply forgotten; the monkey great-grandmother made too much of a contribution to your life.

By the way, “ethnocentrism” - the tendency to prefer members of one's own group - reaches its maximum among women in the first trimester of pregnancy. So, if you compare the patriotic mood even at these stages, you will get a very funny picture about love for the motherland.

In this article we would like to give a number of tips and recommendations that should be dedicated to men leading a double life. After all, they, like no one else, must absolutely fully master the tactics of betrayal. And then even the most accidental puncture in front of the wife will still not be a critical moment for the destruction of family relationships. Therefore, the life of men who lead a double life should be based on clear and unquestioning compliance with all the rules.

A man who leads a double lifestyle must understand that modern technological progress in this matter will only work against them. Various answering machines, mobile phones, pagers have one single drawback - with their help you can easily find out the identity and all the necessary information about the caller. It is almost impossible to refuse to use mobile phone services in our world. Therefore, it is simply necessary to exercise an appropriate level of caution with the phone, do not let your wife use it, and especially not exchange phones with her.

You can try with your lover to think through the encryption moment in detail and come up with a kind of password for yourself, the existence of which naturally only you two will know. This rule must also be applied to electronic correspondence. In general, the most ideal option would be to practically not use email to exchange love letters, even if your spouse absolutely does not know how to use a computer. After all, there are many people who, for a fee, can simply hack into a network user’s email account.

When you are in a restaurant with your mistress, you should under no circumstances give large tips to the waiters. After all, thanks to your generosity, the service staff will remember you as a very generous visitor.

A very important aspect of relationships on the side is, in the literal sense of the word, drawing up a clear schedule of dates with your mistress. On planned days, you need to quietly prepare your wife from afar for the fact that you will be returning home late. You should think very thoroughly about all the reasons for your lateness and be ready to answer questions if your spouse has any. And if the planned meeting with your mistress still does not take place, you still cannot return home ahead of time, since you will only provoke the emergence of unnecessary suspicions.

Under no circumstances should you invite your mistress to your home during your wife’s immediate absence. After all, women love to accidentally forget various trinkets, and for a wife, even someone else’s hair in the house is enough for suspicion to begin. In addition, you should not allow yourself to say compromising phrases on the phone, even in the presence of small children - in this case, exercise extreme caution. Try not to deprive your spouse of attention, since an unsatisfied woman will immediately feel like a rival. You must always adhere to the rules of wearing regular clothing.

And yet, someday you will have to complete your love affair. Therefore, it is necessary to prepare for this final in advance and not make mistakes. Well, in conclusion - we wish you good luck on the love front!

The actions of most people are easily predictable and logically consistent. All the more surprising are the individuals who are “exceptions” against their background. The heroes of the ten stories below managed to lead a double life for years, as if combining the features of two completely different personalities.

1. Tom Brown, police chief and accomplice of thieves

"Big Tom" was an exemplary officer and protector of the city of St. Paul during the turbulent 1930s. A good reputation served as an ideal cover for Tom. He did not hesitate to accept bribes and “did not notice” the criminals in the area entrusted to him. Brown robbed banks and jewelry stores with John Dillinger and participated in the kidnappings of wealthy townspeople with the Barker gang. He got away with stealing 400 liters of alcohol due to lack of evidence... The FBI could not substantiate their suspicions. The duplicitous Brown escaped punishment and got away with being fired when St. Paul changed mayors.

2. Gary Thompson, $100,000 Panhandler

In 1993, Gary Thompson was involved in a car accident that left him mentally retarded and in a wheelchair. Left penniless and homeless, Gary began begging. Pity and compassion for human grief would be appropriate... if this were not a performance. Gary was neither crippled, nor homeless, nor mentally ill. The only thing that “homeless” Thompson did not invent was an accident that ended with minor injuries and $2.5 million in compensation from the initiator of the accident. Witnesses of the “miraculous healing” were shocked. The bank accounts of the pseudo-beggar caused even greater amazement. In this image, Gary collected about one hundred thousand dollars a year!

3. Footballer Sam Hurd, devout Christian and drug dealer

American football star Sam Hurd was distinguished by rare kindness and religiosity. His speech was full of quotes from the Bible, and his torso was decorated with a passage from the Holy Scriptures. Sam's brilliant sports career came to an end in December 2011. The staunch Christian was caught red-handed selling marijuana and cocaine when a potential partner turned into a plainclothes policeman. From this fatal “deal” Hurd went to the dock. The judges estimated $700,000 of the athlete's weekly side earnings at 15 years.

4. Bishop Eddie Long, anti-homosexuality activist and sexual deviant

Baptist Bishop Long had a knack for compelling preaching and a penchant for luxury cars. He also tirelessly fought against the gay movement, equating it to “spiritual abortion.” The priest regularly organized conferences under the slogan of returning the lost to traditional values. In 2010, the orientation of the preacher himself came into question. 4 schoolchildren simultaneously went to court and told about long-term intimate relationships with Eddie Long. The stories mentioned large sums, expensive gifts and trips abroad. The bishop not only denied the accusations, but also managed to settle the case without high-profile proceedings.

5. Anna Gristina, exemplary mother and “madam” in a brothel

In the eyes of her neighbors, Anna Gristina was a typical housewife from a New York suburb. During the day, she coped well with the role of a faithful wife and responsible mother. And at night she transformed into a “madam” - a supplier of elite prostitutes for influential people and billionaires. By the age of 44, Anna managed fifty employees, beauties and Penthouse-level models. The average hourly rate was $2,000. In February 2012, 5-year efforts by the FBI culminated in the closure of the brothel and the arrest of the pimp.

6. California Senator Leland Yee, anti-gun activist and illegal gun dealer

Congressman Yee called for examples from England and Japan, where access to firearms is limited. And he proposed to make appropriate amendments to the laws of the state of California. In March 2014, a discrepancy emerged - it turned out that an ardent supporter of disarmament was involved in the illegal import of “guns”. The senator was caught trying to sell machine guns to a fake client - an FBI agent. During the investigation, it turned out that Yi was involved in drug trafficking, connected with the mafia, and generally came to power through fraudulent means.

7. Donna Quinn, nun and abortion worker

From the position of the Vatican, abortion is a terrible sin and a reason for excommunication. Therefore, the news about nun Donna Quinn working part-time at a Chicago abortion clinic came as a shock. As coordinator of the liberal National Coalition of American Nuns, she is an outspoken critic of the pope's harsh policies, particularly on contraception, abortion and same-sex marriage. Many were interested in the motives for Catholic Quinn’s defiant behavior. In 2002, Donna said that she once believed in changing meaningless church dogma, but now understands that all religious institutions are built on gender discrimination.

8. John Leonard Orr, fireman and pyromaniac

Firefighter John Leonard Orr brilliantly coped with all his duties, for which he was awarded the post of fire investigator. During his shift, John deftly caught intruders, and in his free time he dabbled with fire. Knowledge of the secrets of the craft helped him masterfully organize more than 2,000 fires. Inspired by his “success,” Orr wrote the novel Flashpoint, basing the plot on his secret life. And he even provided the book with the bold note “based on real events.” In 1987, John tried to burn down a store near the fire station. The administrator noticed the smoke in time and put out the flames. The culprit was fingerprinted at the scene. Orr was sentenced to 30 years in prison. In 1998, the investigation learned of four deaths due to John’s fault and added 25 years to his sentence.

9. Jane Toppan, nurse and serial killer

Nurse Jane Toppan enjoyed experimenting with doses of morphine and atropine. She took sadistic pleasure in keeping patients on the brink of life and death. Jane managed to send a couple of people to the next world while still a student at Cambridge in 1885. But there was no direct evidence, the matter was limited to the early completion of medical courses. For the next 20 years, Miss Toppan worked as a visiting nurse, continuing to slowly kill her charges. The deadly sister was caught only in 1901. While caring for an old friend, Jane killed his entire family. The grandfather, who miraculously survived, sensed a catch and insisted on an autopsy. An arrest and confession to the murder of 31 people followed. Toppan was considered insane and was placed in a Massachusetts mental hospital without the right to be released.

10. Anthony Johnson, freed slave and slave owner

Slavery in the United States is invariably associated with the figure of the white plantation oppressor. However, the precedent of legal registration of living property was created... by a black man. Angolan-born Anthony Johnson was captured by an enemy tribe, brought to America and sold to the owner of a tobacco plantation in 1620. After 15 years, Anthony regained his freedom. His savings were enough to buy a farm, and his past experience allowed him to quickly get on his feet. In 1651, Johnson received 50 acres of land from the state and acquired 5 workers. One of them, John Kasor, wished to leave after the end of his contract and find another job. Anthony secured John's legal status as his "life" slave.