Find yourself a soul mate. "Half" relationships: what are their benefits and harms

What traits we unconsciously look for in a potential partner, how our brain gives the signal to “fall in love”, why you can’t lie on the first date and what intuition is - Mikhail Baev, a leading Russian expert in the field of nonverbal communication, psychotherapist and graduate, told us about this and much more. "Paul Ackman Group" (the company whose activities formed the basis of the plot of the series "Lie to Me").

About falling in love

We often meet new people, and it happens that one person, seemingly quite nice and charming, is unpleasant to us, while another, perhaps not the brightest in appearance, immediately evokes sympathy, it is easy and comfortable to be with him. On the street, we will turn to one for help, but never to another. Yes, even on the subway, we choose who to sit next to and who not to sit next to.

If you think that this is something from a series of energy and extrasensory perception, that certain “fluids” or “flows” come from a person, then you are mistaken. Everything is absolutely material and amenable to mathematical analysis. The fact is that the facial expression of another person is perceived by us subconsciously. When we see a person, our brain instantly reads information: microfacial expressions, microemotions, tension in certain areas of the face.

Our brain always scans the facial expressions of the interlocutor, we see, and accordingly, “copy”, try on his sensations for ourselves and... We feel him deep essence what kind of person he is: kind - evil, cunning - simple-minded, selfish - altruist, arrogant - accepting, greedy - generous. That is, our brain, regardless of our consciousness, understands the true internal state interlocutor, even if he is trying to show us something different. All this, I repeat, happens unconsciously. And if the sensations are negative, then what positive can there be?

In principle, if you have a video recording, then knowing the parameters by which you need to calculate, you can see it all yourself, making a storyboard in slow motion.

There are certain traits that, as it seems to us, we do not show externally, but they are always read by other men and women, and set the basis for our image. Firstly, it is positivity, both in men and women. This positivity is not in terms of emotional disinhibition, but in the combination of expressed emotions: how natural they are. If our facial expressions correspond to our true inner state, then the person looks harmonious and natural, but if they are in dissonance, then we will have a feeling of falsehood. That is why there are women and girls who are outwardly attractive, with a wonderful character at first glance, but they remain lonely, no one wants to get closer to them. The reason is a lie. To yourself and/or others. Her internal state and external behavior vary. A hypothetical partner cannot “believe” that the woman wants to “convey” who she is. Everyone wants sincerity!

Secondly, it is important how harmonious the combination of positive and negative emotions is in a person, how absent emotions of dominance are, such as contempt and anger. And if these negative emotions manifest themselves, how natural are they, are they dynamic, is this a mask?

About emotional intelligence

There is such a thing as understanding your emotions. When we talk about joy, we mean isolated case, any event, in the narrow sense. And there is such a thing as emotional competence or emotional intellect, as you like, I personally prefer emotional competence. She is what is called “speaking”, that is, I can see emotions, both in others and in myself, I can control my emotions, I feel them. If we talk about negative emotions, we can quote the Dalai Lama: “In many cases, it is enough to realize negative emotion so that it stops." The same goes for positive emotions. You shouldn’t artificially try to fill yourself with some kind of positivity, pump yourself up with positive emotions, otherwise it begins to resemble some version of zombification: “The world is beautiful, we are all so positive and good...” In fact, the world is cruel, it is filled with the most different emotions. At a minimum, we just need to understand them. And also - learn to manage emotions and be able to stop them. You can learn to categorize and then manage your states! But first, we must be able to understand, name, what we feel - if we know, then we already have a little control.

There is one more interesting point from my practice related to “artificial emotions”: for example, Botox helps get rid of depression. And it’s not about improving mood and self-esteem. Botox blocks muscle contraction, and this directly affects facial activity. “Sad face” becomes not sad. The point is not to lift the mood, but that the blocked muscles can no longer express sadness, no matter how much the brain wants it, and it stops sending these signals. That’s why psychologists advise driving away “universal sorrow”, which, by the way, also does not attract others to us, from one’s face through an effort of will in order to lift one’s mood (the same mechanism, but it works more slowly).

About rejection

Artificiality always causes hostility. It always entails some tension. Firstly, the smiles themselves do not look the way they should look. For example, a combination of a smile with contempt, with a desire to dominate. Or, as an option, a person wanted to show his beautiful upper teeth, but the result was a smile with a grin and so on. And if we talk about sectarians who constantly involve us somewhere, then their hyperactivity and “positivity” coupled with a forced smile is simply impossibly false and unnatural.

The most powerful repulsive emotion is contempt. “I am higher than you on the hierarchy ladder.” And this always causes rejection. Even disgust is not so repulsive. We may feel disgusted by insects, human products, etc. Disgust is not divided into hierarchies, but with contempt everything is different. Contempt shows: “I’m cooler than you, you’re a nonentity.”

Another “thorn” in our behavior is mannerism. Its manifestations (in common parlance – “antics”: bow lips, wiggling eyebrows and other pretentious facial movements) disrupt naturalness, which leads to dissonance in a person’s perception. For example, a person makes movements with his lip, opening his teeth, the emotion of contempt appears on his face, although in this moment he doesn't experience it, it's just a habit of grimacing. There is a concept of “brain hiccups”, this is when we cannot understand what is happening, and it is repulsive, and this is precisely about mannerism.

About first impression

The first impression is very important, it’s not for nothing that they talk so much about it. When we meet, we evaluate behavior completely, multifacetedly. We instantly evaluate dozens of parameters: whether a person is positive, whether we are comfortable with him, how dominant he is. Plus, we unconsciously analyze not what a person says, but how he speaks: timbre, intonation, focus of language (ways of constructing speech, this is psycholinguistics), his gestures (non-verbal), what place he occupies on the hierarchical ladder, how truthful he is. Also, accordingly, we compare with our “reference template”: does the interlocutor evoke in us aesthetic feelings. If all our requests for the “punch card of desires” are satisfied, then we like the man or woman.

Then, when we begin to communicate more closely, we see how well a person behaves, whether his model of behavior suits us and whether he corresponds to our ideas. I completely agree with psychiatrist Alexei Filatov, who in his book “On External and Internal Reference” talks about what is important for each personality type, what signals each of us pays attention to. If all our criteria are satisfied, then emotional intimacy arises. Moreover, what I like, you may not like and vice versa.

And, by the way, it is not gender differences that are of paramount importance here, but the difference in our preferences. It’s just that people are formed differently, grow up in different environments, we are all biologically different, some qualities are better developed than others. And everyone is looking for harmony, resonance, coincidence with themselves. And attracts its own. I am sure that everyone who is looking for their happiness will find it. There will be enough for everyone, because we are all different, but our needs are also different.

All this, as I already said, our brain reads in the process of communication in a split second, quickly. He has criteria by which he does this quite easily. But we cannot track this, and therefore we are sure that our intuition does it.

On the role of intuition

Intuition is a completely separate issue. The fact is that one of the Nobel Prizes in the field of psychology that is significant for us was received by Daniel Kahneman, who wrote the book “Thinking Slowly. Decide quickly." This is one of the most influential works that I recommend reading, where it is written about our mistakes internal sensations, about errors of intuition. It often seems to us that we intuitively decide correctly, but in fact, it’s just easier for our brain to work this way.

If we relied only on “animal instinct,” then we would be animals. After all, what is the difference between a person and an animal? The fact is that we have another system - we have emotions. We can be aware of what we feel, what we see, and we can and must control it.

Sometimes it is enough to mention “soul mates” in polite society for someone to dramatically roll their eyes upward when they hear this word. The very idea that for each of us there is that same unique person with whom you can instantly fall in love, and then live in perfect harmony, seems unrealistic to them.

But for many people, although perhaps not for all, there really is a person whom they know as themselves, with whom they connect on the deepest level, and in whose company they finally feel truly happy. And if this person becomes their romantic partner... it’s impossible to imagine anything better.

So how do you know that the person you meet along the path of life is really the one and only “soul mate”? Below you will find some of the most obvious and eye-catching signs, which a whole team of love and love experts worked on to compile. personal relationships.

1. You understand each other perfectly – or even without words at all.

Soul mates can read each other like open book. As clinical psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Carmen Harra wrote in one of her articles: “They are connected at all levels of their existence. They can finish each other's sentences, they can pick up the phone at the same time to call each other, or they just feel bad without each other.”

Dr. Sue Johnson, clinical psychologist and author of The Feeling of Love, believes that your soul mate, aka your “other half,” knows how to respond to your emotional signals. “They listen to all your innermost thoughts, stay by your side when you need it most, touch your hand when you are slightly unsure of yourself, beam with happiness and contentment when you feel good, and are also extremely caring and gentle, when you feel bad" she thinks.

2. All your senses tell you that she is your “soulmate.”

The wisdom, as old as this world itself, “you’ll understand it when you find it,” has never been so true when we apply it to the issue of “other halves.” “If you are in doubt and wondering if this is your “other half,” then most likely it is not so.”, the organizer believes wedding ceremonies and writer Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway. "As a rule, when you find your true love, this is accompanied by some kind of sign from above, be it a voice in your head, the feeling that you have known this person all your life, or the knowledge that came from nowhere that he is very important to you.”

3. The connection between you can almost be felt...

...and when you touch each other, a spark seems to jump between you - and not only when you are in bed. “You just have to hold the hand of your soulmate, and your soul ascends to seventh heaven with happiness, even if your relationship has been going on for many years,”- Harrah says about this.

4. You feel comfortable in each other’s company from the very first day you met.

From the very beginning, you understand that you can not be embarrassed by each other, and just be yourself, without fear of being judged for it. “When you find your soulmate, you almost immediately realize how familiar and comfortable you are with her or his presence,” says Brockway. “A lot of people say that being around these people makes it much easier for them to relax and allow themselves to be vulnerable.”

“Your soulmate is the person who, without fear of anything, bares his soul to you,” Johnson adds. “This is a man who is ready to risk everything by sharing his inner world, your emotions and your dreams."

5. Your relationship isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes you find it difficult with this person in a way that you don’t have with anyone else.

The relationship between you and your significant other, no matter what they think strangers, are not always cloudless and serene. “Just because this person is your soulmate does not mean that his soul came to you wrapped in perfect packaging - be it in terms of physical fitness or life circumstances - and even more so since fate guarantees you happiness without any conditions,”- says writer Kylen Rosenberg from marriage agency"Architects of Love". “But the difference between this person and everyone else is that the difficulties that you have to go through together become the glue that firmly holds your relationship together, allowing it to go through all subsequent sorrows and adversity, and each of you to open up to complete."

Both we and our significant other help each other’s personal growth. “Yes, at first it may seem to you that the relationship with your soulmate is even more insidious and unpredictable than with ordinary people, and that your partner is intentionally pissing you off, but that's because they come with some of the most important life lessons you'll ever encounter,” Brockway adds.

6. You may not see eye to eye on the little things, but on the things that really matter, you're always on the same page.

“The fact that your partner is truly your soulmate does not necessarily mean that he will share your aspirations and passions even in small things, but it does mean that your common goals and ambitions will certainly coincide,”- says Harra. “Your opinions on all sorts of unimportant issues may differ, but much more often your virtues and even vices will coincide - after all, you look at the world with the same eyes.”

7. Your relationship brings both partners a sense of inner peace.

When you have started a personal relationship with the wrong person, it is almost always obvious - it seems extremely fragile to you, and you are afraid that one inappropriate word will make your partner grow cold towards you. But when you're with your significant other, things are completely different.

“You feel confident - because you feel that your partner is with you for a long time,” says relationship expert Tracy Steinberg, author of Flirting for Fun and Finding Your Soulmate. “No matter what happens to you, you will still be together - and you will go through it all together.”, after which he adds: "Your inner voice tells you that your relationship with this person is the best thing that could happen to you. You trust each other, you feel comfortable and confident in each other’s company, and you are not afraid to discuss difficult topics about which you have mixed opinions.”

8. You and your partner are separate individuals, but to the world you are the same as one.

“Soul mates know that they are two halves of one whole, and that no external influence or internal disagreements will not break this connection.”

9. You could well have known each other for several years, but nevertheless you understand that you fell in love with each other, suddenly - and at the same time.

True love comes neither early nor late, but exactly when it is needed. “I had the opportunity to organize weddings of a bunch of couples who met in school or college, dated, then separated, and then went about their work, maybe spent time with the same friends, but didn’t even really communicate,” writes Brockway in one article, after adding: “But then, one day, they magically come together and their love burns like wildfire.” So keep both your mind and your heart open so that when your soulmate comes knocking, you are ready to open it.

They say that one day love comes to us... But it is not love that comes to us, but we come to it...

We live in anticipation of a miracle, in anticipation have a fabulous day when long-awaited love appears on our way. We carry out our intentions and actions, moving in a direction that can lead us to love. In every person who comes into our lives, we try to see the one and only, dearest and most beloved, the one who will awaken our heart, sleeping under the cover of sincere feelings.

But where is he, the person who will make us happy? He is very close, closer than we think... And somewhere on this Earth he leaves his steps, somewhere his voice is heard and his laughter is heard... But we know what he will be like, don’t we? His image always appears in our mind. And this is not a figment of fantasy, not a fictitious ideal, but a real man existing on this Earth and in this life.

From birth we are given the image of our soulmate, and we carefully keep it in our minds, but often we take it as a figment of our imagination, as a fictional character who does not exist in reality; this person seems too ideal to us. But the more we accept the image of our soul mate as a figment of fantasy, the further life takes this person away from us, the more difficult it will be to meet him halfway. We doubt and cannot see the complete image of our soul mate, but as soon as we throw away all doubts, prejudices and focus on the image, a picture of the person who will be next to us immediately begins to emerge in our minds. And this picture is multidimensional, it has many facets and development scenarios.

The fact is that we can see not only the image of that same person, but also all sorts of options for our meeting. Our ancestors knew that every person has a soul mate, and that their meeting will definitely happen when each of them is ready. That's why young girls and boys weren't allowed to have relationships with just anyone, that's why virginity had important when choosing a wife or husband. All the people we have relationships with leave their mark on our energy field, which in turn creates interference and distorted vibrations for the person who truly is our soulmate.

After all, we attract each other thanks to own energy, a certain level of vibration, which is reflected in all components of our life. Because in modern world, where perverted ideals have become a value, it is so difficult to meet that same person. But there is always the opportunity to cleanse yourself of other people’s energies, to tune in to the wave that will reunite the river of our life with the ocean of love. We ourselves can prepare the ground for long-awaited meeting. It is enough to realize the connection with your soul mate, cast aside all doubts and accept the image that is reflected in our consciousness. After all, each of the halves develops simultaneously, everything that happens on the energy plane with one, the same happens with the other.

Just stop, stop searching, feel your heart breathing, feel the presence of your soulmate, the invisible connection - the thread stretched between you, along which the energy of your love moves. And the stronger the awareness of love in the heart, the closer to you that one and only person becomes.

One day, you will remember the eyes in which your life has been reflected for thousands of years. You will remember the hands that always hugged you so tenderly. And your dear and beloved smile will touch your soul. The heart will remember everything when you meet your soul mate. Wonderful memories will emerge from the depths of your soul, and love will illuminate your entire being. The love that has lived in you for thousands of years. From one life to another you walked together, each time you met and parted to find each other again. This is how it has always been and will always be, and this circle of joy and bright feelings. Remember, no one can lose anyone, no one will ever be left alone, for your heart keeps the image of a loved one, you follow each other in every new life, in every incarnation. And the power of your love creates its own Universe.

If you knew how close love is to you, if you understood that from birth the right one has been next to you only person, you would stop searching, suffering and making mistakes. Between the two halves there is a thread that ties the hearts together. You are together even when you have not yet met each other. You are always there, no matter where you are, no matter who you are with. There is an image of your soul mate in your mind, you always feel like “your” person, you just don’t attach any importance to it, since many people cannot separate their thoughts and feelings from those of others.

You live life together, develop at the same time and are always energetically connected to each other, so “strangers” will always leave, you should not consider this another disappointment or mistake and suffer from loneliness. In fact, he was simply not your person. But once you realize the connection with your soul mate, all worries and worries will go away. You will simply feel that he is there, that he is very close to you. Remember that this person also always thinks about you, he also feels your thoughts and feelings, and there is an image of you in his mind. The moment you are both ready to meet, life will bring your paths together and the long-awaited meeting will take place.

The truth of the words: “When you meet that same person, you will understand why it didn’t work out with others.”

When you meet that one person, love as if you were loving for the first time. Love with all your heart, with all your soul, completely surrendering to your feelings, giving all of yourself, but asking nothing in return. Love sincerely, where light will not know darkness, where fears, doubts and prejudices will fade before the fire of unconditional love.

Wherever you are, whoever you are with, remember who is in your heart, keep your love, keep it from all negative and selfish manifestations. Protect your loved one, as the Universe protects every child. Give him warmth, tenderness, care. Appreciate him. Accept his true essence without masks and stereotypes. Admire its virtues. Respect his flaws. After all, he is your reflection. Everything that attracts or repels you in your loved one is just you. You see in him who you are. Love your reflection in it. Love yourself in it.

When you find your soulmate, when you love unconditional love, you are doing great good for the entire Universe, you are helping the entire Universe. Together you create a world of harmony and love around you, fill the space with light and pure energy, you revive the world and the souls of people who come into contact with yours.

Even if a person does not yet know about your love, you send him the light of your heart, you heal him, you help his development, he may not know that it is you who make him happy, but what could be better than the happiness of that person the one you love?

And then, one day, the love you have been waiting for so long will appear in your life. Love that will heal your soul and fill your heart with light. Love that will reveal the truth of existence. Love for everything that exists - for every living soul, every manifestation of energy is its beginning. Love is all-encompassing, boundless, omnipotent. Love that gives you awareness. Love that lives in everything and everywhere. She is selfless. It is unconditional. Love that will give you the desire to see yourself in everything that was created by the Great Creator. Love that will open your spirituality and bring boundless happiness into your life.

Unconditional love is the only key to healing and awakening the soul.

© Alexandra Mershchiy

Every person dreams of finding his soul mate. Many people are simply fixated on the desire to find “the one” special person. We carefully select ideal partner, until we find at least someone who fits the template we have come up with.
But things shouldn't be like that at all. We need to focus on ourselves if we ever want to find our soul mate. Everyone wants to find happiness, but this dream may not come true if you continue to search through these methods.
Here are 5 things that may prevent you from ever finding your soulmate.
1. You always have a regular sexual partner.
Between casual and permanent sexual partner There is a big difference. Random connections quite acceptable if you are alone. They allow you to get satisfaction without commitment. However, having a regular sexual partner radically reduces your chances of finding your soul mate.
Why?
Yes, because you sleep with someone all the time, but at the same time you know that he is not “the one.” You continue this relationship just for show, so that you have somewhere to wait until you find “your one and only.”
As a result, you cannot calmly open the door to a new relationship if your sexual needs are already satisfied. You will not be able to recognize the signals of fate. Of course people need sex. But if you are serious about finding your soul mate, then you cannot stay with a permanent sexual partner. By doing this, you seem to close the door to a possible meeting and relationship.
2. You are impatient.
They say that events happen when we least expect them. There is some truth in these words.
When we become fixated on searching, we stop living. full life. We do not notice the path that can lead us to meeting our soulmate.
You won't find your love by spending everything free time in searches on online dating sites. You will find him or her when you start simply living.
Be patient. Perhaps you have not met your soul mate because you have not yet reached the necessary state of mind. This means that you must work on yourself. We need to learn to be happy in ourselves and get rid of the burden of thoughts that feed our fears.
When you are ready to love without fear, you will definitely find your soulmate.
3. You don't listen to signs from the Universe.
The Universe always guides us to Right way, you just need to learn to listen to these signs and tips. Instead, you get caught up in the idea that you probably aren't destined to meet your soul mate if you haven't met him or her yet. Fate gives you hints, directs you on the path that will lead to happiness, but how will you understand this if you don’t listen?
Stop and think for a couple of minutes.
Are you currently staying with someone just because you think you'll never find the perfect person for you? Are you doing something wrong and you know it, but you don't want to leave because you feel like there are no other options?
Listen to your intuition, it is always right. If she says you need to leave, leave without fear. It is fate that guides you on the right path.
4. You refuse to cut ties with your ex.
You will never find your soul mate if you continue to stay in touch with your former partner. It is a fact. It doesn't matter if you're both already dating others. If you have already broken up, then this person is not for you. The reasons for the breakup do not matter, be it a long distance relationship or a lack of happiness, you broke up - it means you both decided that you should not maintain the relationship. And this is an important sign.
If you were destined to be together, then neither distance nor any other obstacles would prevent you. If you still believe that an already broken relationship can be restored, you are deceiving yourself. And don’t be surprised if one day you realize that you are living in a loveless marriage with an unsuitable partner, because you already knew that he was not your soul mate.
Don't make your children suffer through divorce in the future just because you couldn't admit the obvious to yourself and didn't have the strength to end the relationship right away.
5. You have lost faith.
We can all lose faith in something. You may be thinking: “Oh my God, I’m already 34, will I never find my soulmate? I’ve been waiting for so long, but he/she is still not there, and probably won’t be again.”
Of course, it won’t if you are still busy communicating with your ex, if you are impatient and do not see the signs of fate.
You must believe that fate will give you your soul mate when the time will come. But first, understand yourself. If you firmly believe that somewhere in the world there is an ideal person for you, then so be it. The Universe gives you this faith so that you understand that such a person really exists.
You should break unhealthy relationship, start living truly and open your heart to love. Yes, it may be difficult, but you cannot lose faith.
You can't concentrate everything vital energy when looking for your person, just live and believe, listen to your intuition and you will find the path that will lead you to your soulmate.