The child begins to ask to be held. Freedom for mother's hands: how to wean a child off her hands and why this is necessary

Perhaps there is nothing more pleasant for a young mother than holding her newborn baby in her arms. But if, day after day, he absolutely does not want to be in the crib and all the time persistently demands that his mother take him in her arms, the woman involuntarily develops a feeling of fatigue and irritation, which, of course, immediately affects the baby. It is especially difficult for those mothers who are forced to be alone with their baby every day from morning to evening. In such cases, a natural question arises: how to wean a child off his hands?

Why does the child ask to be held?

First of all, parents need to understand that an infant is not able to ask to be held “out of harm’s way.” The constant requirement to be close to the mother is always associated with the need to satisfy some needs. And since the baby cannot express his dissatisfaction in any other way, he begins to be capricious and cry in order to attract the attention of his parents.

The main reasons that a child constantly asks to be held may be the following:

• something hurts him. Often children in the first months of life suffer from intestinal colic, and the discomfort goes away when the mother holds the baby close to her. In addition, at the age of 5-6 months, infants already begin to cut their first teeth, and this is also a difficult period for them, which is much easier to survive next to the closest person. And finally, any disease, especially accompanied by an increase in temperature, makes the baby ask to be held more often;
• the child is uncomfortable. Perhaps he doesn't like the bedding or his clothes. Maybe the children's room is too hot or, conversely, cold. Babies are very sensitive to environmental conditions and will definitely tell mom and dad if these conditions do not suit them.
• the child is bored. Newborns sleep almost all day long. But the older the child gets, the more interesting it is for him to observe the world around him. Therefore, it is quite understandable that the baby will strive to expand the boundaries of his knowledge by thoroughly studying his own crib;
• he is afraid of losing his mother. And in the literal sense. Children under one year old perceive themselves and their mother as a single whole and simply cannot imagine that their mother could disappear. When mommy leaves the room, the baby cannot understand that she will return after a while, and he is overcome by great fear.

Psychologists say that an infant subtly senses the emotional state of the mother and the atmosphere in the family. Therefore, children who grow up in an environment of quarrels, scandals and mother’s tears are often very restless. They can only calm down in the reliable embrace of their mother. Therefore, when a baby cries all the time and asks to be held, experts strongly recommend that you first of all pay attention to the psychological microclimate in the family and the relationship between spouses.

Do you need to carry your baby in your arms?

A long time ago there was an opinion that it was impossible to accustom an infant to holding hands. It was believed that “then it won’t come off.” This point of view was widespread back in the days of our grandmothers and was quite understandable, because then even infants were sent to nurseries, citing the need to go to work. Fortunately, in today's world this practice is hopelessly outdated and is no longer used.

Researchers have proven that it is vital for infants to be constantly close to their mother. This has the best effect on their psycho-emotional development. Moreover, the mother must not only be present, but fully satisfy the newborn’s need for tactile contact. There is a theory according to which the lack of tactile contacts in early childhood (simply put, mother’s hugs and touches) is directly related to the occurrence of psychological problems in adulthood. Moreover, children who did not receive enough mother’s affection in infancy may develop worse not only mentally, but also physically: they are prone to speech disorders, enuresis and other health problems.

Children who are often carried in their arms grow up calmer and more self-confident, actively explore the world around them and are ahead of their peers in terms of neuropsychic development. That is why pediatricians around the world advise mothers not to limit the baby’s desire to be in the arms of his parents and ask them to give up fears that the child will continue to constantly ask for his mother. Time will fly by, and very soon the baby will no longer want to sit quietly in his mother’s arms, wanting to quickly explore new spaces and learn something interesting. For those parents who share the opinion of experts, special auxiliary devices have long been invented that will help mom and dad go about their business without compromising communication with the child - for example, a sling or an ergonomic backpack.

How to wean a baby off your hands without stress and tears?

If, despite everything, the mother still firmly decided to wean the baby off her hands, she must certainly try to make this process as least painful for him. It must be remembered that completely denying a child hugs is unacceptable. Weaning will only mean a slight reduction in the daily number of minutes the baby spends in his mother's arms.

As already mentioned, the mother’s first priority is to understand the reason why the child does not want to be in his crib. It is quite possible that the demand for mother’s affection is due to temporary circumstances, and after they are eliminated, the situation returns to normal. If this does not happen, and the mother is on the verge of a nervous breakdown from fatigue, irritation and lack of time, then you can try to take the following steps:

• If possible, leave the baby with your husband or relatives for a short time, but at the same time be ready to come to the child at any time when he needs it. He should feel that his mother is nearby and will come immediately if he calls her. This approach will help relieve some of the nervous tension. At this time, the child will get used to the “other” hands, and in the future it will be easier for him to do without his mother’s;
• Do not sharply limit the duration and frequency of tactile contacts. Try to gradually replace them with games, conversations and any other activities during which the baby will be in a crib, playpen, on a sofa or on a floor covered with a blanket;
• When leaving your baby in the crib, make sure that he is not bored. To do this, use bright, interesting toys and change them periodically. In addition, you can hang a musical module with moving objects on the crib: most children are captivated by watching this simple process for a long time. If the baby is lying on a safe horizontal surface from which he cannot fall, he can be left on a development mat. Of course, don't forget to regularly check that everything is in order if you leave the room for a short time;
• In the first months of life, you can use a stroller, a baby car seat or a rocking chair as a support. Sometimes a child just needs to see his mother, and then he stops asking to be held. The mother can go about her business at this time.

Don't get angry at your baby if he insists on your attention and hugs despite all your efforts to wean him off your hands. Perhaps he has not yet fully adapted to the world around him, and the warmth of his mother’s hands is vital for him. In this case, all that remains is to come to terms with it and remember that very soon this period will pass. Try to look at the situation from the other side: you are the whole world for your child, and you can be proud and enjoy it.

Hello!

please tell me, at what age do children begin to try to manipulate their parents and ask to be held by crying? The child is 1.5 months old, for example, today she has not slept since 10 am. She either eats or poops (sometimes her stomach hurts before poop and she cries, but after that it usually calms down), then stares at the mobile, then eats again, poops, and so on in a circle. Now it’s almost 9 pm, that is, he hasn’t slept for 11 hours already, well, I dozed for an hour on the street while walking the dog. As soon as I put him in the crib, the screams immediately start , I pick it up - silence and the child either looks contentedly at everything around him, or starts to doze off, I just start screaming again. He lies in the crib, spits out the pacifier, I put the pacifier back in his mouth, after 20-30 seconds he spits it out again, etc. To be honest, I I’m already hesitant to run and give her a pacifier, I just can’t go to the toilet or take a shower, there’s constant screaming. When I hold the pacifier in my arms, she doesn’t spit. Is this a pretense and just a desire to be held? I admit that my stomach may ache, but now I have doubts about it , and her stomach won’t stop hurting immediately in her arms? I understand that she needs to fight, I leave her in the crib and let her cry so that she understands that she needs to fall asleep in the crib. What time should I wait then? I read that until 3-4 months, children cannot calm down on their own and The “let her cry” option cannot be used and you have to immediately console her to go. But then it turns out to be some kind of vicious circle... Is this so? I’ve been carrying her in my arms all day today. She’s definitely well-fed, dry, etc., that is, there are reasons for crying no. But when I leave him in the crib, he screams hysterically, everything turns red, he bends over, there are wild screams... Is it really that easy to be picked up?

I want it in my arms!

Nine months before and after

Perinatal psychologists prepare expectant mothers for the fact that with the end of nine months of pregnancy, a woman is not freed from the child. Previously, you carried your baby in your stomach, but after giving birth you began to cradle him on your stomach in a sling or in your arms. The tame period lasts until the child is no longer interested in passively observing. The baby begins to actively crawl. Then he tries to rise to his feet and takes his first steps. And finally, he stops asking to be held. Ideally, everything looks exactly like this, but in reality, the manual period may take a little longer. And there are many reasons for this.

Manual period

The baby understands the world together with its mother. He is like a sponge absorbing information, feeling safe. Mom is nearby, so everything is fine. Month after month you get to know the space around you. By the age of one year, such an inquisitive child will certainly “get off the hook” and ask to explore the world around him on his own. At first, holding you by the finger, and then walking alone. Kinesthetic children, who comprehend the world to a greater extent through tactile sensations, may not let go of their mother a little longer. However, even they get away with it sooner or later.

Childhood fears

The reason that the baby constantly asks to be held may be a recent fear. Children often perceive life situations by “scanning” the reactions of adults. For some, even a scalded finger causes hysterics. Observe how you behave in dangerous, unconventional situations. Instead of getting angry and cursing, take a deep breath and exhale long. Count to ten and back. Smile and make fun of yourself.

It so happened that your baby survived the fear and since then began to ask to be held. Accept everything as it comes. You can't turn back time! Your task now is to become calm and balanced. Hold your child as much as he needs. Does your back hurt? Then just sit together, hugging. Practice maternal massage (see below). Confess your love to each other more often, play together. Join us in music, swimming, and crafts. This will help both you and your child relax.

Maternal massage

Massage can be performed from the first days of life. Let it be light stroking of all parts of the body. Start from the top of your head and end with your heels. When touching the child, pronounce (for example, head, chest, etc.). Let all parts of the body receive a share of mother's love and attention, even the area behind the baby's ears. During a maternal massage, you feed the child with your energy, strengthen his muscles, and teach him to love and respect his body. Thanks to tactile contact with mother, day after day, the body opens up and frees itself from “clamps” and fears. This massage is useful for children with lack of attention and in cases of stress.

Mom plus dad

Parents are always responsible for the weather in the house. In a family where love, respect and mutual understanding reign, healthy and happy children grow up. The baby vitally needs support from both parents. Once you are convinced of this, your child will easily let go of your hands and go off to meet new friends and the world.

Crisis of three years

The most common reason that a child asks to be held is the so-called three-year crisis. The baby begins to understand that he is no longer a baby at all, but not yet fully grown. On the one hand, he wants independence and self-affirmation. On the other hand, he still makes actions with an eye on mom and dad, thinking whether he did the right thing, whether his parents will praise or scold him. This crisis in some families passes easily and painlessly. If this is not your case, don't worry! It’s better to live through a three-year crisis now than to use violence against a child, crush him with all sorts of “don’ts” and “disentangle” the consequences already in adolescence.

Is your two or three year old “baby” asking to be held? Offers to swaddle him, looking for a long-forgotten pacifier? Let him be his mother's little one a little more and play like a baby. Believe me, your child will quickly get bored with this game. He wants to kick a ball in the yard with his friends, dashingly ride down a slide and eat ice cream than he wants to “nest” in your arms and ruminate on an old pacifier.

A child asks to be held: should you take him in your arms at every request or teach him to be independent? If wean, then how? Why is it so necessary for a baby to “get” into his arms? Read in this article.

The child constantly asks to be held. What should I do?

Why do children ask to be held?

Asking a two-year-old to be picked up can be a problem.
The baby may refuse to walk next to a walking adult, although he happily runs around him when the parent is sitting. This behavior may look like laziness or a pointed refusal to go home, but in reality this is rarely the case.

When a child begins to walk, this process for him is not associated with moving from point A to point B, walking for him means moving away from an adult and then returning “to base.” If the base starts to move on its own, the child feels confused. He may flop down on the ground and cry.

If you slow down, he will not follow you because he cannot do so. If you return and take his hand, the baby will be able to walk a few steps with you, but even holding your hand, he will not be able to walk next to you - at this moment he does not seem to feel that you are together. That's why Until the age of three, the child asks to be held - this is how he feels that he is with you.

Why else do babies love to be held?

• Firstly, it gives feeling of special emotional closeness - the baby is bored, he wants you to pay attention to him, to caress him.
• Secondly, children's your legs can rest.
• Thirdly, the little one can be is not healthy or is worried about something(for example, teething).
• Fourthly, it gives a feeling security and safety. For example, the baby is now taller than passing dogs, which can frighten, etc.
• And finally, when you take the baby in your arms, he view increases- before that he saw at the level of his feet and wheels, but now he sees everything that you see; and he can see the faces of adults and hear what they are talking about.

Your baby asks to be held because he feels loneliness, he needs to feel your warmth, the closeness of a loved one next to whom he feels safe.

Subsequently, in adult life, this feeling of loneliness experienced in infancy and early childhood will entail:

• weakening sense of personal security;
• children may grow up less self-confident, less sociable;
• if the mother is either gentle with the baby or rude towards him, he may develop the attitude: “I am loved only when I am good.” In this regard, low self-esteem and anxiety may develop in the future.

Small children can and should be picked up when they need it. This is necessary for them, and this is proof that the world is reliable, and they themselves are loved and needed. In addition, thanks to physical touches and caresses, the baby develops the prerequisites for the formation of such an important human quality as empathy– the ability to empathize with another, understand the feelings of people close to him.

Sometimes adults, trying to raise an independent child (especially if it is a boy), being afraid to spoil him and thinking that he is already “adult” enough, take him in their arms and caress him less and less. Then the child solves his problem in his own way. So, if he is not satisfied with the quantity and quality of physical contacts, he can learn to achieve them in various ways, manipulating his parents.

If you haven’t seen your child for a long time, for example, he was in a nursery/kindergarten or with his grandmother, and as soon as he sees you, the baby runs headlong and throws himself into his arms, do not refuse under any circumstances - the baby must make sure that you are still the same you love him and nothing has changed in these couple of hours of separation. If you don’t do this, using the excuse of being tired (etc.), the baby may think that you don’t love him and feel abandoned and unnecessary.. If you have back problems, sit down, but take the baby into your arms and hug him tightly.

A young child, as a rule, shows more interest in the adult who is caring for him, most often the mother. If these relationships are emotionally positive, then the child develops early childhood attachment, with the help of which the child’s need for love and security is satisfied. Studies by many scientists have proven that if at an early age a child is attached to his mother or other close relatives, in the future he will experience fewer problems in school and in communicating with peers and with adults.

For a young child Communication with an adult is a necessary condition for his full development. Unfortunately, Some parents substitute child care for true communication. They prefer to do household chores first, and only after that... As a rule, after all the chores are done, neither the mother nor the child has the strength or desire to play, read books... But reading, playing, talking together with a child can bring so much joy, emotional warmth, pleasure for both the child and the mother. Sometimes a few minutes of “warm” communication with mom, an affectionate song, and gentle touches from the most needed person in the world can be the baby’s most important desire.

Many parents are in a hurry to teach their child to read, count, etc. And sometimes, without noticing it, they put a lot of pressure on him and even demand the impossible. Don’t take their example, everything has its time - the time will come and the baby himself will ask you to teach him.. In the meantime, he needs you: a close and dear person who understands, loves, protects him. For him, you are the personification of a huge world, kind and friendly if you are kind and friendly and evil and prickly if you are not.

How to wean a child off your hands?

If the child cannot yet walk with you by the hand, and you do not want (or cannot) carry him in your arms, the solution to the problem may be:

If you continue to carry your baby in your arms...

If nothing helps, and the child continues to ride on you as if on a personal vehicle, or you consciously decided to continue carrying the baby in your arms, then:

Thus, to the question of whether to take the child in your arms at every request or teach him to be independent, we cannot give a definite answer.. It’s up to you.

The main thing to remember is The baby should feel loved and needed!

To take or not to take – that is the question. Every second mother whose child asks to be held in her arms encounters it every day. And it’s good if this is a baby, whose status is supposed to ride in your arms, because he cannot move independently and his mother’s warmth is vital for him. It’s another question if the same request comes from a four-year-old boar, the weight of which not every mother can bear. How to wean your baby off your hands in this case? We will try to answer this question today.

The child asks to be held - what is the reason?

Looking from the outside at how a 3-4 year old child asks to be held by his mother, passers-by will definitely think that the baby is too spoiled. Is it really? Pediatricians, doctors and other specialists who confidently understand sores and fever, in fact, understand absolutely nothing about child psychology. They have no idea that there is such a thing as an emotional connection with their mother, physical contact and harmonious development through touching their mother. There are several reasons why a child wants to be held. And you need to understand them properly:

1. As soon as the baby is born, many mothers literally immediately think about how to wean the newborn from the hands. And the fact that their baby, due to his age, cannot yet move independently and explore the world, for some reason, few people are interested in. Looking only at the ceiling and around, the child does not develop his intellect. It is much more interesting to sit on mom and look at walls, cabinets and other objects. Therefore, every time a child under six months asks to be held, it is worth remembering that for him this is the only way to develop and explore the world.
2. Another important point for those who are tormented by the question of how to wean a baby from holding hands is the child’s comfort from contact with his mother. Naturally, when the baby is in a good mood, you need to play with him, teach him to crawl and do exercises with him. But if he asks to be held in your arms, do not refuse. Remember that the need for physical contact with the mother for the baby is, first of all, a guarantee of protection and peace of mind, which are just as important as the need for food.
3. Before you refuse to let your child ride, make sure there is nothing bothering him. And if you are inclined to leave your baby screaming in the crib until he falls asleep completely helpless, at least check whether he has serious reasons for crying.
4. Until the age of four, many parents are faced with the problem that their child constantly falls asleep in their arms. We are talking here again about psychological comfort and a sense of protection before going to bed. To wean your baby from this activity, try to come up with a procedure in which the baby will lie in the crib on his own, and you can sing him a lullaby or approach him after a few minutes to calm him down and show that you are there, love him and are not going to leave him.

Knowing the reasons why kids ask to go to the coveted heights, many will probably give up the idea of ​​weaning their child off their hands. But it is worth remembering that children are getting older and very soon the skills of competent refusal will still be needed.

How to wean a child over one and a half years old from holding hands?

Before you decide to take global action, remember that the reasons why you do not want to carry your baby in your arms must be strictly reasoned. This does not include fatigue or “because it’s convenient to do your own thing.” Set priorities and decide what is more important to you. When you're ready, consider these tips:

Whatever method you choose, remember that it should not hurt the child’s psyche. Distract your child from riding on your arms gradually and very carefully. And most importantly, always pay attention to your baby and his problems. Sometimes, instead of hands, just your presence nearby is enough for him.