What to do when love is not mutual. What to do if love is not mutual: advice from psychologists

What if the feelings are not mutual?

Forget, leave, renounce or live?

How to erase this name from the heart,

So as not to suffer, not to cry, not to love?

Unrequited love - a lot is embedded in this phrase: the desire to be together with the object of your love, faith in mutual feelings and pain. The person is not ready to move on and pay attention to other people. When feelings are sincere and mutual, it remains to rejoice and be happy, share love with each other and with others. But if love is unrequited ... What to do? How did it happen? Almost everyone asks these questions. Let's try to figure it out - let's start with the concept of "unrequited love."

What is unrequited love?

If a person has a strong feeling for someone who does not reciprocate, this is unrequited love. Such a feeling, according to statistics, happens more often in youth. The reason for this: self-doubt, maximalism, a tendency to suffering - an ideal soil for the development of a one-sided feeling. But the older a person becomes, the better he understands himself. Most of the complexes go away, including the unconscious desire for disappointment in love. And yet there are people who, even over the years, are in search of this feeling and cannot get rid of it. In fact, this behavior has its own reasons, and this will be discussed further.

We will consider the story of one girl who is 24 years old, and she still cannot get rid of this feeling that weighs on her. We do not name at her request.

“On the threshold of another winter. Soon a wonderful holiday - New Year! Consequently, new acquaintances, interesting stories and unforgettable adventures. But the memories from the past life will remain for a long time. What scares me the most is: what if forever! How many unpleasant moments I have in my memory ... I remember how long I was afraid to confess my love, and now, this day has come, I did it! All in vain, because I heard a negative answer, negative emotions. At first he tolerated me, my gifts, courtship, but then his patience snapped - he told me: “I never loved you and I can’t love you anymore. Get away from me, please!" Of course we stopped talking. Several years have passed, I tried to forget him, made new acquaintances, plunged into work, even began to attend yoga. Last year I decided to write to him, I was very surprised that he answered quite kindly. After communication, I had hope for love, for mutual love. But this was not enough for me, I wanted a family and children. It felt like I had become even more attached to him during my absence. Once again, everything was destroyed, because she could not open up and trust, she was afraid. I don't know if we'll meet again, but I love him very much. I think it’s worth contacting a psychologist with this problem, maybe he will help me. ”

What is the reason that a person experiences a one-sided feeling after a long time? There is a kind of propensity for this in people who have low self-esteem, who are afraid of real life or people who have not received a model of a happy family. Parents were not able to demonstrate mutual, trusting relationships by personal example. There are those who are afraid of any changes, it is hard for them to disrupt the way of life. They are already used to this feeling and do not want to change anything. There are times when a person does not understand himself well, he does not know what he needs. Therefore, cannot choose a partner. From the foregoing, we can conclude: whoever experiences a one-sided feeling for years, the reason for this is a tendency to this. But if you set a goal for yourself - to get rid of unrequited love, then when working with a psychologist, you can change everything, find a person who really loves you, the way you are.

We decided to talk to a psychologist about this topic so that he would give advice. How to survive? How not to be hurt again by unrequited love?

Catherine- Practicing psychologist, author of many articles. Ekaterina conducts individual receptions, in her busy schedule she found time for us.

Ekaterina, what do you think about unrequited love?

Everyone understands that love is a wonderful feeling. After all, it inspires a person, gives meaning to life. This is when the feelings are mutual. Otherwise, if the object does not share them with you, the heart is torn from longing, nothing pleases. And in this state it is very difficult to understand that we ourselves are the cause of our suffering.

Unrequited love is always unhappy?

This is a difficult experience, but a good engine of spiritual development. You can suffer and be happy, or it can be the other way around. It all depends on the level of love.

What motivates a person to unrequited love?

Agree, the choice of the object of love occurs at an unconscious level. Often a person sets himself a goal - to achieve everything, that is, he is driven by the illusion of attainability. He does not think what kind of love it will be.

How to find a cure for this feeling, what to do?

It is better to deal with this individually with a psychologist. The answer to this question may vary from case to case. Together with a psychologist, you need to go the way, doing work on understanding and awareness of internal conflicts. Do not waste time on those who are indifferent to you!

How to survive unrequited love?

First of all, do not forget that, although unconsciously, it is your choice. Stay alone, do not make new acquaintances, do not build relationships, freeze in one place. And until a person realizes this choice, he will love and suffer. Here are some tips for getting over a one-sided feeling.

Human beings are in need of love from birth. Psychologists believe that this is our basic need. The lack of love or its absence can negatively affect the mental and emotional development of the child. But, even in adulthood, we do not lose this basic need, and for this reason we build relationships with people of the opposite sex. When we love, it is only natural that we expect reciprocity. But, not everyone gets it, and this often leads to mental suffering. Is it worth continuing a relationship in which love is not mutual, and what should one do in this case? Let's consider.

What is love for you?

In modern society, unfortunately, there has been a substitution of concepts and many young and even mature people confuse love with falling in love, although these are different concepts. Falling in love is a strong feeling, which is caused by biochemical reactions occurring in the body. Love can flare up and fade away throughout life many times. But, it is not love. The maximum duration of a biochemical reaction is 2-3 years, and if you base relationships only on this fragile feeling, it is not surprising that they collapse. Falling in love is short-lived, and only true love can become a solid foundation for a long-term relationship.

Therefore, if you find yourself in a situation where you are not reciprocated, you must, first of all, answer yourself the question: what is love for you? When you understand this, it will be easier for you to look to the future and you will know what to do. It is possible to fall in love with a person who does not reciprocate. Being in love is based on sympathy, and love is something more complex.

What is love?

In fact, everything is very simple. Love is not so much a feeling as a decision. True love has several qualities that describe it.

1. Love is unconditional, unlike infatuation. Falling in love is feelings that have arisen because of sympathy, a good relationship, passion, mutual attraction and emotional comfort. Love arises regardless of any conditions. Just at some point, a person consciously makes a decision to love, care, be near, support, regardless of who the object of love is.
2. Love is selfless. And this quality also distinguishes her from falling in love. If falling in love requires a constant return from a partner, then love is the opposite - it concentrates on giving. It is this quality that allows people to live and love without reciprocity, and at the same time not feel unhappy.
3. Love is sacrificial, and in this it is similar to falling in love. Being in love sacrifices something in order to be close to the object to which it is directed. Love sacrifices something in order to make the object to which it is directed happy.

What to do if love is not mutual?

If it is love and not infatuation, you will not suffer from the fact that you do not receive reciprocity. The mechanism of love is quite simple - it is aimed at giving. But, if love turns out to be non-reciprocal, a person will be doomed to emotional suffering.

Non-reciprocal love is not really a reason to end a relationship. It is important to understand that love gives more than it takes, and it is able to make up for the lack of what it receives. So if you love but don't get the same in return, it's not a hopeless situation. As you know, we can only give what we have received. And if a person does not love, perhaps he himself was once deprived of love, real, selfless and unconditional. Such a person needs to receive healing, be filled with love, and only after that he will be able to bear it and give it away.

If you love your partner but they don't love you back, things can change. Just love, give love without expecting anything in return, and wait. The universe is arranged in such a way - it returns to a person everything that he gives, but only in large sizes. Just as a thousand sunflower seeds can grow from one sunflower seed, so the seed of love sown by you will bear fruit and return to you! Don't forget about it, be patient and enjoy the love!

Are you wondering what to do if love is not mutual- refer to the advice of psychologists.

Man is originally a social being and seeks by any means to find a mate. This is due to the need for security, procreation, emotional nourishment.

Which is better: to love or to be loved? find out right now.

What is mutual love?

First you need to define the concept of mutual love.

There are two people attracted to each other. Is it possible to speak in this case of a mutual feeling?

Often the reason is childhood, when the child did not receive the required dose of attention and warmth. And now, as an adult, he is desperately looking for this love in partners.

In this case, the best way out is work on your personality traits identify the causes of the obsessive need to seek reciprocity from other people. Changes in oneself entail changes in relationships with loved ones.

What if the love is not mutual? Video Tips:

How to find reciprocity in a relationship?

How to attract mutual love into your life? Everyone dreams of mutual love. This is an opportunity to create a strong, stable family. However, to come to it, you need to work hard on relationships and your personality.

The desire to find mutual love can lead to disappointment. Reduce the importance of this feeling in your life, and then it will appear naturally.

How to achieve reciprocity? Find out from the video:

Everyone knows that love is something beautiful, so it's very nice when you have someone to share this feeling with. Well, if the lovers are happy together, but there is also unrequited love, what to do in this case?

How to interpret unrequited love?

In the simplest case, the definition of unrequited love can be made as follows: this is a feeling that a person has for someone, but in return does not receive the slightest hint of reciprocity.

Most often, at a young age, people try to get love from someone, but very rarely they give it to someone themselves, which is why non-reciprocal love arises, and no one knows what to do in this case. The most common age for unrequited love is 14-25 years old. The situation is quite logical: there are a lot of people, but love, as a rule, is not enough. Naturally, if a person does not feel someone's love for himself, then he himself will not be able to give it to anyone.

Very often people retain this inability to give love until the end of their days. However, most people grow wiser over the years and understand that no one will share with them if they do not share themselves.

Source of unrequited love

So, for some reason, you have unrequited love, what should you do to “separate” it? Of course, to begin with, it is worth deciding on the reasons for an unrequited feeling. Very often, people begin to look for them in others, while not noticing the problem in themselves. This can lead to hatred, apathy, and more. If unrequited love has appeared, then before looking for the answer to the question, you should understand yourself and find a moment that you need to quickly get rid of.

1. People have a hard time getting rid of the habit that someone loves them. Yes, in childhood they are surrounded by love from parents, relatives, friends. However, as they grow older, they realize that the adult world does not treat them so kindly. This must be understood.

2. Your life, hobbies are simply uninteresting to the chosen one. And here there is only one way out - to teach yourself from an interesting side. However, sometimes it's better not to change your personality in order to find a person who will like you.

3. You just don't have anything to offer. Due to constant everyday problems or for some other reason, people often forget about their inner world, and when they find a loved one, it is not possible to show him this world.

4. There is simply no need for another person. Many need constant experiences, excitement. From all this, a “soap bubble” is created, beautifully shimmering in the bright sun. However, this "bubble" is just an illusion of love. And it's good if people understand this, otherwise misunderstanding leads to an endless circle of unrequited love.

5. The simplest reason is that you don't like a person. It is possible that you are not the chosen one to taste. This is quite normal, because you are not some kind of banknote, the image of which is in front of everyone's eyes. You are human. And each person is individual.

6. Perhaps the reason is even simpler? the person you love loves someone else. Then it’s worth considering whether it is possible to destroy someone else’s happiness or is it better to make your efforts in another direction: to find a person who will be as interested in you as he is in you.

How can it be "divided"?

There are several options for the development of events:

1. You are quite satisfied with unrequited feelings, and you are sure that love is like a disease. It's not even worth fighting her. In this case, this will be a great opportunity for you to inflate “soap bubbles”, which will bring some “pleasure”. Maybe in such a situation, nothing needs to be changed? Or maybe you should think about it, really?

2. Are you unhappy with unrequited love? Then you should understand yourself and find one of the above reasons.

3. Have you come to the conclusion that you are ready to change your life? Then you need to understand for yourself the purpose of this life, correctly draw up a plan for further actions that will help you find the answer to the question of what to do with unrequited love.

4. There is a desire, but what and how to do, you have no idea? So you need to learn. You can go through certain trainings that will definitely help you solve the question: how to make yourself fall in love?

If many achieve this goal, then why not try it for you?

They say love is good. But what if you love and you don't? As if there is nothing good in it. And I agree with you. It's hard when your feelings are not mutual. Let's see why this happens and what to do if such a story happened to you.

People meet, become friends, fall in love. But often these feelings are not mutual. This is a natural process that lasts for thousands of years and is unlikely to ever end. But a person who experiences such strong feelings as love wants to understand why it is not mutual. To know the answer to this question, you need to understand what love is?

Love is a deep mutual sympathy, emotional attraction to another person and a feeling of affection.

With love is now clear. But how, a person begins to love, and most importantly, why does he fall in love. More than one scientist worked on the solution of this question. And they came to an interesting conclusion.

A person falls in love because his soul mate:

1. Compared to other people, it looks outwardly unusual. Indeed, it is not uncommon when a girl can be dressed in completely modest clothes, and the guy's eyes are already on fire. Or the most fashionable guy stands out for a girl against the background of his company. That is, no matter how idealistic they are, the first thing that attracts us in another person is appearance.

2. Smell. Each person has their own individual scent. Often people use perfume to make the smell more pleasant. It is not uncommon for girls to fall in love with a guy's perfume or, over time, they themselves buy perfume for their lover. But if you like the smell of the body of the opposite sex without perfume, then this suggests that you are, at least a little, but in love.

3. Compatibility of characters. A person can dress beautifully, smell good, but if a person does not fit the character, then what kind of love can we talk about. Therefore, your life partner should match your temperament and energy. This does not mean that you must be the same. It may be quite the opposite. You must complement each other.

4. Communication. Of course, you can fall in love at first sight. But, what's next? This is followed by communication, and if a person is pleasing to your ear, then feelings only become stronger. It is not uncommon to look like an ordinary person. But when you start talking, you gradually fall in love with him. Through conversation, people get to know each other and develop relationships.

5. Passion. How can you imagine love without this feeling. But I'm in a hurry to stop your fantasies. Passion is also necessary in moderation. Love is like a fire with firewood. And you decide to throw all the firewood at once into the fire or maintain this fire all your life.

Now understanding, we will move on to solving the problem. Namely, what to do if love is not mutual? And here, as in a play by W. Shakespeare, there are two options: "To be or not to be."

1. If you tried to make a person fall in love with you, and it didn’t work, then maybe you should step back from your ideas before it’s too late. And don't waste your time on someone who isn't worth it. Soothe your feelings and see how many beautiful people of the opposite sex are in the world.

2. But if you decide to act, then you should arm yourself well. Namely, outwardly stand out from the background of other people. Use pleasant perfumes and talk to your love on interesting pre-prepared topics.

Remember: Most people fall in love on the first date. And how it goes depends on you.

Therefore, I advise you not to lose heart. Tune in to win and invite your object of attention to take a walk. As a result, use this time and spend your first unforgettable date.