Read new Caucasian love stories. Love story: in Stavropol, a Dagestani man kidnapped a Russian girl

According to human rights activists in Kyrgyzstan, 12 thousand girls are kidnapped in the republic every year to force them into marriage. This custom is called “ala kachuu,” which translated from Kyrgyz means “grab and run.”

However, many of the kidnapped brides are subjected to sexual violence. In 2013, the punishment for this crime was tightened in Kyrgyzstan. If previously bride kidnapping was subject to criminal punishment in the form of a fine or imprisonment for up to three years, then after the adoption of the law, such acts can be punished from five to ten years in prison. However, there are very few actual criminal cases initiated under the article “Abduction of a woman for marriage against her will.” Women, fearing shame, prefer not to apply to law enforcement agencies.

So how do the stories of bride kidnapping in Kyrgyzstan end? Partner Kaktus"Open Asia Online" talked to women who were stolen by "suitors." We have preserved the style of presentation of the storytellers themselves. For obvious reasons, they did not want to be photographed.

AINURA, 41 YEARS OLD

I was born and raised in Frunze (current Bishkek - OA note). Of course, I heard about brides being stolen. But I thought that this happens either in the film “Prisoner of the Caucasus” or in distant, distant villages. It never occurred to me that they could steal me.

I don’t like to remember that story and don’t remember the details well. I was 19 years old, I was leaving the university. My boyfriend Dauren usually met me, but a week before we had a fight. Why I didn’t have any friends with me, I don’t even remember now.

A car stopped near me, and some completely unfamiliar guy offered me a ride. Naturally, I refused. The car drove slowly nearby. I repeat, I did not think that I could be stolen, and I was not at all alarmed - especially since it was daytime and there were a lot of people around. But when I turned into my lane, two guys jumped out of the car, grabbed me and pushed me into the car. I screamed, bit, and couldn’t understand anything.

I was taken to a huge country house, where there were some elderly women who put a scarf on me and said that I was a matchmaker, showing the “groom”. He turned out to be a distant relative of my parents' friends. We met at some kind of toi (holiday), and I didn’t remember him at all, but it turns out he “fell in love.”

I was not raped, beaten, insulted, I was simply locked on the second floor.

I waited until night fell and everyone in the house fell asleep. I tied up the sheets and used them to climb down from the second floor window. And then she ran wherever her eyes were looking. Fortunately, I was taken not very far from the city. So I got home about three hours later...

I rang the doorbell of my own apartment. My mother opened the door for me... And then the worst thing began. Mom told me to go back. That I was kidnapped, and I spent the night in the house of the “groom” and now I am disgraced, so no one will ask me to get married again. And this family is very wealthy, and the guy, they say, is good, and what else, stupid, do I need.

I turned around and left, called my friend from a pay phone and explained everything. Her father came for me and took me to his home. From there I called my Dauren. He immediately arrived, called my mother and said that he would marry me.

Dauren's relatives are modern people. And no one has ever reproached me for being a victim of “ala kachuu”.

Now Dauren and I have three children. Fortunately, all sons. And I don't have to worry about someone stealing my daughter.

NURGUL, 32 YEARS OLD

I am from a village in the south of Kyrgyzstan. When I was 18 years old, I fell in love with a guy from our village named Almaz. He was 20 years old. In order to marry me, he had to pay my relatives a dowry (ransom), and his parents are poor. Therefore, Almaz went to Russia to earn money for the wedding. He promised to return in a year.

And then a guy from a neighboring village stole me. I cried and said that I had a fiance. That I've already been matched.

But they still brought me to someone else’s house, put on a scarf, and put bread on the threshold so that I wouldn’t leave. But I still ran away and came home. And then Almaz returned from Russia. He said that he loves me, but he cannot marry me, because I am already disgraced. I told him that there was nothing in that house. But he said that everyone knows that I was stolen, so it makes no difference whether I am still a girl or not.

He later married someone else. And, of course, normal guys no longer approached me. I regret that I ran away then. Now if I got used to it, I would have a lot of children. And at first they didn’t want to marry my sister, because I had disgraced the whole family. Then, thank God, a good guy was found and my sister got married.

I also got married last year. He is a widower. Old, of course. But who else needs me? And then thank him for marrying me.

ALIMA, 64 YEARS OLD

My old man stole me. Why are you surprised? Of course, he was not an old man then. He was young. I was young too. Beautiful, with a braid. I studied in the city. I came to the village to visit my parents for the holidays. I was waiting for the bus. "Moskvich" drives up, the guy says: "Come on, why wait, the bus is not coming soon." So I sat down. And there's another guy in the car. He tells me that’s it, now I’m his wife.

It turns out that his parents told him that it was time to get married. Here is a good girl. You just need to act quickly, otherwise she will leave for the city. So he decided to steal me.

Of course, I talked to my parents later. Of course, we went to the registry office. Everything is as it should be.

Love? I do not remember. She probably loved it. We've lived together for so many years. We raised our children and now have grandchildren.

Don't you understand how this is possible? What is there? This means that he was destined for me by fate.

ZHYLDYZ, 28 YEARS OLD

My husband stole me too. Not for real, of course. We were friends with him, met, went to the movies (laughs). Then they decided to get married. And a Kyrgyz wedding is such a mess. Soiko saluu (matchmaking, during which the groom’s family puts earrings on the girl), kuda tosuu (meeting of the groom’s relatives), kyz uzatuu (seeing the girl off from home)... Kalym, sep (dowry). You need to meet and feed a bunch of relatives, spending a tidy sum. We decided that we didn’t need all this. We just agreed with my Rasul, and he “stole” me. Of course, I warned my mother not to go crazy. After that, his father came to mine and apologized. This visit is called "aldyna tushu".

In general, it has never been customary among Kyrgyz people to steal a girl without her consent. They resorted to “ala kachuu” if the guy did not have money for the bride price or the bride’s father did not allow the newlyweds to get married. My grandmother told me so. I don’t know where the fashion came from forcibly stealing girls.

P.S. According to a study by the Women's Assistance Center and the NGO Kyz-Korgon Institute, since 2012, every day in Kyrgyzstan there are 32 cases of bride kidnapping, 6 girls are subjected to violence. Prosecutions are extremely rare, occurring in only 1 in 700 cases. There are almost no court decisions: one in 1.5 thousand cases.

They met on the social network Odnoklassniki.
M: - Hello)
L: Hello))
M: How are you? Can I meet you?
L: - Things are fine! yes of course you can))
M: -What is your name? I'm Maga))
L: -Very nice!! I'm Linda!! How old are you?
M: I’m 21 and you?
L: - 17! Where are you from?
M: I’m from Khasavyurt, and you?
L: Me too
And so they began to communicate... exchanged numbers and everything was fine.... Maga, of course, was in the army at that time before he came home for another year... Linda always said that she would wait for the arrival of her beloved... it passed for half a year they were still talking... they fell in love with each other so much that they wanted to get married when Maga returned from the army... Linda fell in love with him so much that the other guys who asked her for his number were indifferent to her because she loved only Maga and besides She didn’t love him or anyone.... Maga loved her too, he promised her everything.... and so there were two months left before Maga’s arrival. Linda was looking forward to this moment when he would arrive.... a month passed. Maga stopped writing to her, she sat waited for him to write to her, but he never wrote... a month passed Maga arrived... Linda knew when he was supposed to arrive.... one day she went into the dormitory and looked at Maga’s photos and there she found out that he arrived... where her beloved lived, her aunt lived there and somehow she couldn’t restrain herself and wrote:
“Welcome, beloved” (he answered coldly)
“Thank you” Linda was all the time not trying to figure out why he treated her like that = (passing by his house, she saw him and was happy =) and the current, without saying anything, turned away... Linda was very hurt in her soul, she felt very bad so much time we talked and loved why he was like that with me... after that she changed a lot all the time she said my dreams with him that we built were gone = (she kept loving him all the time even after that she couldn’t forget... and one fine day he came to the village where Linda lived =) she was going to the store but some kind of car was following her, she was not trying to find out who was following her, but it was Maga who came to see how his little girl was living... she went into the store and he went to get her... she was standing near the terminal, he stood behind her and dialed her number.. six hours later it was dark, he called her... she picked up
L: Hello...who is this??
M: Hello Lee!! (Linda recognized him by his voice)
L: -Maga hyo vi e? (Maga is that you?)
M:-V Lee with v!! (yes Lee it’s me)
Linda was offended by him....she started to cry in her heart, because she was in a lot of pain...
M: - Leah, I know you are offended by me and I know that you were crying... I couldn’t write to you, I don’t know why... I thought about you a lot during this time = (I couldn’t forget you, I thought I killed you myself, why did I do this to my little girl = (forgive me for the sake of the Almighty...
Linda cried quietly....she was still hurt in her soul....there was no one to share the insult with...she forgave him....and she thought that everything would be the same as before and it happened that way, it was even better they loved as before =) half a year later he proposed to her, she agreed.... the wedding day arrived. Maga called Linda... M: - darling, what are you doing? L: - in the salon and you? M: - I’m getting ready too.... Do I love you very much and will love you all my life... forgive me for these pains that I caused you... L:- Maga, I love you very much too... let's forget everything and start a new life?! ..... M: - Dear, we have already started a new life.... on this day they were very happy... Maga was getting ready to go to pick up his bride, the wedding was very chic... he bought a large bouquet for him and was getting ready to go. nooo... mom was against him going and felt something not pleasant... Maga hugged his mom tightly and said mom so hya nusklen t1alb1 g1osh in khyon yo1g sen heg y khyon and yech (mom I'm going to pick up your daughter-in-law... she she will be like a daughter to you when I bring her to you =) he sat down and drove off. Mom was not feeling well... he came to his Linda and gave him a bouquet. When she took the bouquet, there were two limp roses that had dried up. She was confused and thought. they probably dried out on the way =) they got into the car that Maga arrived... he really liked to drive fast Linda said drive quietly or we’ll crash and at that second they crashed into a tractor-trailer that was driving in front of them... they managed to kiss each other and ask for forgiveness... they died on their wedding day...... the roses that he gave to his beloved remained intact, but the two that were dry, their leaves disappeared, the leaves fell from them, only the sticks remained... that's how Chechen love disappeared =(
DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS AS LONG AS ALLAH GIVES YOU THIS OPPORTUNITY TO LOVE EACH OTHER, TAKE USE OF THIS... YOUR LOVE MEANS A LOT IN YOUR SOUL... love each other and value yourselves.....

This story is about an abnormal couple... All jokes aside!!! So let's start with)))

I will write in the first person)) My name is Asil, I am 17 years old, the nation is not that important). There are 5 of us in the family. Dad is Alik, mom is Zulfiya, and two older brothers... Islam and Rasul... I’ll describe myself to you first)))

Me: hair below the shoulders, naturally straight)) black eyes, neat nose and plump lips, by the way, I’m 17 years old)

Islam: the oldest brother, very strict ((tough!!! He is very handsome!! All the girls loved him, well, it seemed to me)) He is 21 years old... He studied at an academy, ummm, I don’t remember the name... But We couldn’t even sit in the same room with him.. He had slightly dark chocolate, black eyes, and plump lips))

Rasul: my chike, my most beloved brother... He and I were very similar, and we loved each other more than anyone))) He also had chocolate hair, but his lips, they were plumper than ours with Islam... Rasul was higher than Islam... Rasul is 18 years old... He studied to be a doctor, he dreamed of it since childhood... Well, what about me? I was resting, it was the month of June... The brothers had not returned yet, they had a session, which I was very happy about... I passed all the Unified State Examinations, and was resting to spite everyone) No, but what? I deserved... I also had a best friend... Her name was Jack, for me Dzhekichan... She was my sister, friend, and many other things, I love her...

Jack: long hair, almost black, brown eyes and normal lips... We had a terrible figure... But we wore scarves and long things... We were friends with her since we were 6))))... And they wanted to enter the Medical Academy together... Our families were very wealthy... Therefore, they didn’t refuse me anything...

Jackie had an older brother Aslan...

So the story began in the park... One fine summer day...

Morning: Jack calls me and says

D-As Salamu Alaikum

I am Wa Aleikum...

D-did I wake you up?

I- no, I got up a long time ago...

D-can I ask you something?

I - of course, come on)

D-Will you go with me to the shopping center today to buy clothes?

I- I would love to, dad won’t allow it(

D-maybe you can persuade him?

I'll see))

Well of course she woke me up!!! I had to get up. Since dad is at work and mom is in her room, I could freely go out in my Spongebob pajamas))). I went out, went downstairs, and, as always, took the tangerines and went back up)

Soon I called my dad and asked him to let me and Jack go shopping

I- dad, can I go to the shopping center with Jack?

P- you can’t, daughter...

I'm dad, please (((

P- I can’t let you go alone with Jack!

I- her brother will take us and take us (((well, daddy, can I?

F-okay, just be home by 4 o’clock in the afternoon!

I- thank you dad, okay)...

I called Jack

I'm Jackaaaa, sorry

D-what have you done again??

Where am I, your brother?

D- Yes, I think I’m downstairs with a friend, but what happened?

I-he’ll take us to the shopping center?

D-nooo, you can’t wait

I- persuade him, huh?

D - everything is for you Janym) (soul)

I wore a long dress, golden color and white ballet shoes... Hair in a bun and a scarf). When I was tying a scarf, my mother came into my room)

M-what are you doing?

I’m mom, dad let me go with Jack to the shopping center? Can I go?)

M- since dad let me in of course! Do you have money?

I- yes there is, thank you ma)

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:01

Jack called me and told me to go out already) It seems she persuaded her brother to take us to the shopping center) I went out and Aslan’s car was nowhere to be seen. And suddenly someone beeps!!! I almost died, honestly! I stood and could not move from fear). Jack quickly came up to me and began her interrogation))

D-uh, what happened? Are you scared? I will kill Aslan!! Let's go!!

Since I was still in a stupor, she took me and dragged me into the car).. Soon Aslan began to lecture Jack, which also applied to me! With him was his friend, who sometimes supported him like crazy!

A- If I see or someone tells me that you and the guys were flirting, then Jack and Asil are finished for you!

Friend Shamil - yes, yes, you are a khan!

Me- Aslan, we don’t do things like that, you know?

D- Amalka (brother) I will never disgrace you! And especially the father!

A- Asil, I know that you are not like that, it’s just that now the time is such that even very good girls become not like that! You saw it yourself! Isn't it?

I-yes you're right)

We got to the shopping center))) Ehuuu) Dzhekichan and I flew out of the car like a bullet, and go to the shopping center)

We searched for a long, long time! Damn, but they didn’t find anything!!

Loch - this fate (... And suddenly this balashka pulls my hand and says

D- look there)))

I- could you at least show me where)

D-vooon there, let's go, last store)

I'm okay Google)

D- don't Google!

Honestly, this fool will kill me! And how could I just meet her? I’m surprised myself) Well, we found a dress! I bought 3 dresses, and she bought 4!

I won’t describe them, but they were very beautiful)))

Well, we went to the park, there was delicious ice cream there) When we were already entering the park, one guy hit me! There were 4-5 of them.!! Of course I almost fell when he hit ((

P-didn’t you see where you were going?

I'm sorry!! (I don’t know how to be rude to guys, and I’m afraid of them)

P2- the students have already left)

P3- leave him! Can't you see he fell in love))

I don't need your apology!!

I- I left, of course I was offended (.. You ask why Jack didn’t tell them anything? Her brother would have killed her! If my brothers find out that I went to the park, I definitely won’t live.. We bought ice cream and sat on a bench)

D-you didn’t push him, did you?

D-why did you apologize?

I-and if I passed, he wouldn’t do anything to me?

D- you're a fool!

I'm all about Jack ((

Damn, stop sulking!

I'm ok panda))

We finished the ice cream and called Aslan). He said that he would arrive in 20 minutes)

While we were waiting for him, those guys drove up in a car and shouted something, we tried not to pay attention... The one who pushed me got out of the car and grabbed me by the elbow!! I began to tremble even more strongly.. He noticed this and said

Why are you shaking? And why are you pretending to be religious??

Jack stood silently and watched, and he said something to me there)

He was already dragging me to the park... Aslan arrived.

A- let her go brother

W-Who are you?

A- I’m her husband, let her go!

P- brother sorry I didn’t know)

Oh good

Aslan told us to quickly get into the car, and I started crying!! This would definitely save me)))

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:01

Do you know what I found out? I have a husband too

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:01

That's how I fell asleep...

Morning: I woke up at 7 am, and this always happens)) My cousin calls me) Malika: very cute, long hair, blue eyes and chick lips))

M- hi little horse

I am Salaam Aleikum

M-how are you?

I'm okay, how are you?

M-too)) Come to me today?

I-and you persuade my dad!!)))

M-ha, this is easy! ))

I- well, well...

M- you get ready, I’ll call him right now)

I- noo, I'll arrive at 2 o'clock in the afternoon

Pfft, she also opened America to me! I knew it)

I'm fine bye)

She was 19)

I put on a long blue dress, a black leather belt around my waist, tied a black scarf on my head) and left the room)

Suddenly an unfamiliar number called me. I decided not to answer! He called and called, then an SMS came...

Answer, this is Aslan

And he called again, I answered

A- As Salamu Alaikum..

I am Wa Alaikum

A-what are you doing?

A- at work)

I- clear, bye

Did they tell you?

I what? (I included the "fool" image)

And about the fact that they want to marry you to me?

“I-yes,” I said sadly

A- you don’t want this wedding?

A- me too, I respect you like a sister (

I-I treat you like a brother too)

A- we need to decide something, I’ll arrive at 12, be ready)

I- I can't today

Are you going somewhere?

I don't care)

A- important for me!!

I'm going to my sister((((

Oh, okay, I'll give you a ride...

I-okay, will you take Jack with you?))

A- I'll come home from work)

I-okay (

I went down to the kitchen. My brother followed me... Mom went to see her sister), and dad was at work!

R- how small are you?

I'm fine, are you like Einstein?)

R - too) Dad told me that they want to marry you...

I was silent, I was very ashamed!(

Do you want this yourself?

I - you know, I won’t go against my father’s will, and it’s not for me to decide what will happen next) Everything is according to the will of Allah, dear)

R - okay, okay, I'm off) Aika is waiting for me) (his girlfriend in quotes)

I'm fine...

He kissed me on the cheek and left)

I decided to clean up and cook something) by the time I cleaned up it was already 12

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:04

The day passed, I arrived home. It was bad to honestly describe my condition (.. I asked myself a lot of questions!! But there were zero answers! My soul was empty (The thought that I would be his wife was killing me! Who would be pleased to live with someone you don’t love? Of course love will come over time) Well, what if he doesn’t come? It will be bad (very bad... My thoughts were interrupted by a call, “Dzhekichan” appeared on the screen, I answered

D- hi

I- hmm, hi

D-how are you?

I'm not so much, what about you?

D-and I’m very good))

D- your dad agreed)))) Ahhhh, I'm so glad...

The phone fell out of my hands, I believed until the last moment that it would refuse, but (((I didn’t cry, tears won’t fix everything, I decided to give up!! I couldn’t do that, I still considered myself small((after all, 17 is not so a lot(((...For whomever((... I went downstairs, my mother was sitting in the hall with a thoughtful face, I went up to her, hugged her tightly and cried!!!

M-what are you doing? Please do not cry ((

I am mom((what should I do?? How will I live there mom(((

M-daughter everything will be fine, mom also cried quietly

I am a mother, but what if he loves someone else? I will destroy someone else's happiness!! Mother??

M- everything will work out daughter, don’t cry, tears won’t fix anything....

I-okay I went to my place, I love you ma)

M- and I am your sunshine)

I went up to my room and saw the phone lying on the floor).. I took the phone and saw 17 missed ones from Jackie, and 5 from Islam ((I allowed Islam first!

I-Salaam Alaikum

I- uh, well, Salam

And how are you, little sister?

I- I'm fine, how are you?

Me-me? I have? No, no)) He’s not shaking...

And - I know everything, my dad told me)

What did I say?

And - about you and Aslan

Am I Amalka? (brother) There was nothing between us!! I mean we didn't communicate((

And - I know, little one, I know))

I-okay, I'm off to bed)

Go Panda)

I cried with happiness that for the first time he called me “sister” “little one”.. We never talked to him, or rather I was very afraid of him ((((

Then I called Jack

D-what's wrong with you? How are you What happened?

I-nothing, I just felt bad)))

D- don’t you want to marry my brother?

I - he is good, but I respect him as a brother! Understand?

Y-yes I understand((

I- come to me tomorrow?

D - okay, calm down)

I put on my pajamas and fell asleep...

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:05

The next day, I got up at 12, I was shocked by myself) I put on a long dress, black).. I went downstairs, guests arrived, fuss, and a reason? Now we’ll find out))... First I said hello to my family and friends... I went up to my mother

I'm a mom, what's all the fuss?

M- let's go to another room

I- let's go))

We went to another room

M- I’ll tell you everything briefly, everyone was informed that they wanted to marry you... And so they arrived

I- Mom, you know that I’m already feeling bad? Can I be in my room?

M- good

I went to my room, it felt like they were playing with me right now... Sometimes it was very funny to me, honestly!!! Maybe I was going crazy? Or am I just crazy? Damn.... So, someone is calling, and it's... Aslan! He was missing right now! I answered

And how are you?

Hello, are you okay?

Oh, too, get ready, I’ll come for you

I- I can’t, I feel bad

A- because of what?

I just

A- get ready anyway

I silently threw it off

I stayed in the same clothes and tied a black scarf)))... I warned my mother that I was leaving and went out...

He's already arrived (

I sat back

And how are you?

I'm ordinary

A- I couldn’t cancel the matchmaking, and the wedding will also take place!!!

Explain to me? What was that now? What did he say?

I- what did you say?

Oh, what have I heard!

We had already reached the restaurant.. He stopped and told me to get out

A-don't you hear? Come out quickly.

I- I just froze

A- are you here?? I'm telling you, come out already!

And I fainted... I woke up, I was in the same place where I was, only now I was surrounded by doctors...

Doctor - she's too tired... She needs to rest

I- what happened?

Oh, nothing, lie down...

I was in his car, still... The doctors left, he got into the car and looked at me... My phone vibrated. It was Jack

D- where are you? I'm standing at their gate, but she doesn't open it!!

I - where did your brother take me?

Damn, okay. I'm sitting in your room!

I'm good jan***

We went into a restaurant where there is a separate room... We were sitting and there was a message from an unfamiliar number

Nez. - Hello detkaaa)) (that’s what my friend always called me, and I realized that it was her)

I'm hello dear...

P-how are you, dear?

I'm fine, how are you?

Aslan - is it okay that I’m sitting here too?

A-give me your phone

Oh, let me tell you!!!

He took it away and left (. 10 minutes later he came

Oh, take it

I leave it for myself

A- no drizzle!!

It's my own fault!!! And you could cancel the wedding and matchmaking!! But he didn’t cancel!! Why?? You are guilty!!

I said this while crying(

A- tell me why? You want to know?? Because I love you!! Do you think I just always reprimanded you? I'm just asking you???

I - which one do you like? What are you saying?

A- come out quickly, it’s time to go home!!

I sat in shock!! He loves me? No, it can't be!! So calm down Asil and come out!! I went out and called a taxi in advance, it just arrived, I quickly got in and left... On the way I cried so much that even the taxi driver asked what happened to me...

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:05

After that we didn’t talk to him))) Which made me very happy!! I’ll skip a little) Otherwise I’ll talk for a long time))... Fast forward to the day of the matchmaking.. I ordered a dress, I can send you a photo, since I ordered it from the Internet...

Matchmaking: everyone was happy, everyone was just glowing with happiness... Except me) I’m bald!))... They gave me a beautiful hairstyle, makeup, dress, I was chickee))).... That day I came and Islam... Rasul and Islam were in the same suits)) I love them xx))) We are already in the restaurant ((People from Aslan’s side arrived, including Jack... But Aslan himself was not there, I was glad)))

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:05

Here they put a ring on me (Tears welled up, they fucking rolled by themselves! Of course it hurt to know that you would soon leave your parents’ house (That you are already an adult, and you already have a great responsibility, to be a good and loving wife, mother, to love a also respect your second parents.. If I list it, it will take a lot of time (((As I said, they put the ring on me, after they put it on everyone took pictures with me, I already felt like a star)) ... Until one fool dragged me to a separate room..

D-how are you as a fiancee?

Me - how should I be?

I- I'm stupid!! What to do? I'm scared Jack((

D-everything will be fine)))

I hope....

In short, the day is over... I don’t even want to remember that day! I really want to cry...

At home: I changed clothes, bathed, ate and went to bed.. I couldn’t sleep for a long time, I looked at the ring in my hands... And again tears (... Well, what can you do, that’s fate... I sometimes talked to myself... I I stopped communicating with everyone, it was again painful, offensive, bad...

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:06

The next day Jack called me

D: in short, I don’t have time, get dressed and go out!!!

Me: what happened?

D- faster!!!

I was seriously scared!! Honestly!! I wore a long pink dress and a scarf!! I run out and see this picture)

Aslan and Jack are standing and saying something to each other)

Why did I call?

I pretended that I didn’t see him

D- I’m already tired of him!! Make peace already!

Do not you see me?

I'm Jack, I have to go, sorry(

A- quickly got into the car!!!

D- Aslan just don’t shout)

I- don't tell me!

Jack quietly left and we were left alone..

A- I have every right to you, do you even know what to do?

I- leave me alone!!

He grabbed me by the hand and threw me into the back seat ((I started crying... Am I such a coward? He came and sat down next to me...

Oh, you're driving me crazy!

It's my own fault

A- I don’t care who’s to blame!! I love you and that's it!! Here I am humiliating myself in front of you, while all the girls are dying for me!!!

I- so go to them!! What bothered me?? What do you need from me?

A- I need you!! He sat closer to me, and I moved back, I couldn’t move any further (((

He tried to kiss me!!! You can imagine??? Horror, shame!! Right in front of our gates!! I was shocked

I'm asking you to go away

I'm asking you to move away!!

I was literally screaming!

A- you're running into trouble

I-leave me, I beg you!!!

A- you are my girl, and I will never leave you!!

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:06

I forgot to describe Aslan: black hair, black eyes, the right nose, and always red lips)))... I don’t want to drag out the story, it will take too long to write... So let’s move on to the wedding day.. I was gorgeous, but Jack was just perfect!!! I'll send you a photo of my dress and hairstyle... In the morning they did my makeup, hairstyle, and various things... Everyone is ready and vooooo... Beebeep!!! Cars were beeping, a loud lezginka sounded throughout the whole yard))) And I felt bad, very bad... Nobody likes leaving their parents' house... When he came in, tears flowed from my eyes... He had a large bouquet in his hands, I still have the photos, I’ll send them to you)) and so he handed them to me... They started taking pictures of us, they also said wishes... By the way, she was Jack’s bridesmaid... Ask why she wasn’t at her brother’s wedding? No, she was there, she decided that first she would come to mine, and then when they came for the bride, she would go with us to Aslan’s wedding..

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:06

It was very similar to the dress on the day of matchmaking) only the back was closed and the train was longer)

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:07

The dress was like this, only the sleeves were long and there was not a large train)

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:12

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:13

And so the wedding was coming to an end, the dance of the bride and groom was announced) We went to the center of the hall and danced)) He tells me

A- I can’t wait for this night)))

Me- are you stupid or huh??

Ahahaha, what a fool you are!!))

I'm a fool myself (((

A- that’s enough sulking, we’re going home after the dance)

I'm fine

The dance is over, and it’s time for us to leave... I wasn’t afraid of this night as much as I knew that nothing would happen) His father gave him a beautiful and big house, in honor of the fact that he got married... We are already on our way!!)) When we've already arrived, I tell him

I- I want to go home

And now we've arrived home

I-I want to go to my mom(...

And she started crying ((

When my mother left somewhere for 2-3 days, I cried day and night, I couldn’t live without her... I couldn’t sleep at night knowing she wasn’t home! And here I have to live without her ((((

A- let's go already)

I'm fine

We entered the house, I immediately went up to “our” room, took my SpongeBob pajamas and went to the bathroom.. It took 20 minutes to take off the dress, then 10 minutes to do my hair, and took a swim.. I was there for about 1 hour, How terrible not enough... Yeah, I live in the bathroom))))

I left and went into the room where he was lying, well, he waited until I came out)

He went in for a swim, and when he came back he started laughing... I didn’t know what was wrong.

Me - what happened?

Have you seen your pajamas? Ahahhaha

I-yes I saw it?

A- little one

I'm a big girl))))) Ahahaa... I'm a genius

A- come here

I- oh well that's enough, I'm going to sleep ((

What kind of sleep?

I'm ordinary)))

He fell behind, he's a beauty!! After about 10 minutes, he hugged me around the waist and pulled me towards him. Then he whispered quietly

A-that's not fair

I’m honest, and ease up the fight, it’s hard for me to breathe

And I love you...

And just like that we fell asleep...

Morning: I woke up at 7:06)).... I woke him up quietly and asked

Me - don't you need to go to work?

No, I’ll be home for a whole month

I'm fine)))

Why are you smiling?

I'm glad I won't be sitting at home alone)

Or maybe you love me?

Me-ha, me too!! I love him, hahahahah

A-fuck you)

I'm fine..

I took my clothes and went downstairs... I found one room and changed there) I put on a tight dress on top, and a loose one on the bottom, and of course a long one, black and a thin golden belt, a scarf also golden... I said pancakes, I adore it... When I was cooking I thought, maybe I love him? Or not? Or maybe yes? Or maybe not? What if yes? Or maybe not?)))) 50:50.. And then he comes in...

A-what are you cooking?

A-don’t say such words again!!!

I - at the moment I’m cooking one pancake, so I said “damn”

Oh, here you are... And by the way, guests will arrive today... And my friends and their wives)

I'm fine, what should I cook?

Ah - I asked the damn one who knows everything)),

Wow, what do you think of me?

I- uh come down here!!

A-hahaha...

We sat down to eat...

In the evening the guests arrived. Of course I prepared a lot of goodies)))

And so everyone left, only mom and dad, well, Aslan’s parents) You would know how much I fell in love with his mother, and mine already)) But they were also planning to leave

I am mom please stay(((

M.A - no Asil, we have to go home, Jack is alone)

I- mom please(

P.A - we will come to you tomorrow with good news))

"I'm so glad about this news," he said smiling.

Me - what's the news?

M.A - tomorrow you will find out Asilka)

Me - Goodbye mom and dad))

Bye mom) Salaam Aleikum dad!)

M.A - good night my children)

And they left (

I cleaned up the kitchen and went into the living room to watch TV... Soon he came down too... I was already in SpongeBob pajamas)) and watched him too)) I love this cartoon)

Shall we go to bed? More precisely, don't sleep...

I- get out of here vulgar (((

A- you are my wife;)!!!

I- yes? I didn't know(

Oh, what a creature you are!!

Don’t bother me, I’m watching a cartoon!

A-babeyka (baby type)

I am you!

He turned off the TV, picked me up and carried me into the bedroom!! You didn’t share it, huh?? I wish I could kill him!

I- Aaaaaaaa, get away from me you creature!!!

A- come here)

I- please don't come...

A- I want children...

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:15

I'm still a child myself!

And how old are you?

I looked at the clock and it was 11:58 pm!!! And in 2 minutes I would have turned 18.. And here is the long-awaited July 28th!!!

Oh, you were 17? Isn't it?

I turned 18 today

He looked at his watch and came up to me, hugged me tightly and kissed me... Damn first kiss, and I don’t even know how to kiss...

I-go away please

A- I’m not even allowed to kiss my wife?

I can, but I don’t know how... Can I go out?

Oh, of course!

I went to the bathroom, I was very ashamed in front of him... When I am ashamed, I cry, but now is not the time... I washed my face and went out.. He was lying on the bed...

I also lay down next to him and fell asleep. As Aslan told me at night I said these words

I'm Jack?!! Jack!! How can you? Jack, please don't die!! Please don't leave me!! Jack!!!,

A-wake up Asil!! Asil!!??

I woke up all wet and started crying

A-what happened?

Yes, yes, bad dream...

A- come here

I-please leave..

A-I won’t leave today...

In short, that night it was all!! Well, you understand in short... In the morning I woke up, he was still sleeping...

I went to the shower and got dressed. And she started cleaning.. Cleaning took about 2-3 hours, then she started preparing food.. He went downstairs and I gave him something to eat.

What are you going to cook today?

Me, since mom and dad are coming, I’ll cook something delicious)))

A- You cook everything deliciously

I- thank you..

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:15

He ate and went into the living room to watch TV. I prepared a lot of food and went to him... I sat down next to him, when I sat down they called him, the phone was on my side and I saw “Aisha” on the screen... Yes, I was jealous! I’m still the owner... I handed him the phone and listened to what he told her, and do you know what he did? He put it on speakerphone and started talking

Aisha - Hello chick)

A- Hello

Aisha - how are you? Why don't you even call?

Is your wife so beautiful that you even forgot about me?

Ah, I haven’t forgotten about you, but my wife is the best!!

Aisha - okay, I’ll go, call me if anything happens)

Oh good..

I was sitting and watching TV, and he came up and hugged me..

Oh, that’s it, don’t be jealous))

I- fuck you!!

Are you seriously jealous?

Me not!! It's just that no one remembers that it's my birthday(((...

And as always it got bad...

A- come to me) They all remember, my little one...

And someone rang the doorbell.. It was Jack, mom and dad.. I went to open the door.. And I see this picture... Jack is standing with a huge bouquet of roses and mom is with a bouquet of balloons... And dad is in his arms there was a big package... Damn, I was so pleased...

D- happy birthday puppyiiiik))))

I - thank you joy)

M.A - happy birthday daughter)

I - thank you mommy)

P.A - congratulations, daughter)

I- thank you dad...

We all sat and ate... And dad started talking

P.A - your parents Asil came

Am I mine? For what?

P.A- they want to marry Jack to Islam..

I choked on food and Aslan told me

A- h1alal!!,

I- thank you.. And what did you say?

M.A - we agreed)))

I choked on my food again... Jack and Aslan started laughing))

It was already 17:30. And someone rang the doorbell, I went to open it and my parents were standing there and taking... With flowers, various gifts.. They all congratulated me.. All the men went into the hall, and the women remained in the kitchen. Two mothers started talking about matchmaking... And Jack and I were cleaning up. Then I went into the hall and asked Islam to come over

And - what happened?

I'm going to the top

We've risen

I - do you love Jack or something?

And I can’t live without her)))

I- wow, brother you're in trouble)

And - it’s been a long time)) How are you? Doesn't Aslan offend you?

I- no, what are you talking about)) okay, let's go)

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:15

Jackie's father and mine agreed that in a week there would be matchmaking, after the matchmaking, 3 days would pass and there would be a wedding)) Everything was fine for everyone... I knew that I already loved Aslan, and Jack and Islam were the happiest))) Let's move on to the day of their matchmaking...

I wore a blue dress and a black scarf... And Aslan wore a blue suit)

Islam and Rasul were also in suits)... Islam had black, and Rasul had blue)... Jack was in a gold-colored dress... She was gorgeous!!! I would carry such a daughter-in-law in my arms!)

So they put a ring on her, or rather Islam put it on her... I felt very bad, I didn’t know why... I had a headache, I felt sick... I went up to Aslan’s mother.

I'm mom, I feel bad, can I go home with Aslan?

M.A - of course daughter, go...

I - thank you very much mom...

I told Aslan and we drove off... On the way we were silent, I interrupted the silence

I am Asek (that's what I call him)

I'll stop near the pharmacy and buy some medicine for my headache.

A- good Asya (that’s what he called me)

He stopped me and went to the pharmacy

I- can I please have some headache medicine and pregnancy tests?

Doctor - of course, here you go

I gave the money and went out.. I got into the car and we drove off... We got to the house, and I immediately went up to my room, changed clothes and went to the bathroom! I did a test aaaand.... Two stripes!!! I was afraid to go out! What if he doesn’t want children from me? What should I do then? That's it, I'll leave him!! No, Asil is stupid, you need to tell him everything as it is! I left and quietly went to my room, where he was lying... I came, he stood up and sat down, I also sat down next to him.

How's your head?

I'm not very...

A-what's wrong with you?

I- yes so!!

Are you sure everything is fine?

So, what happened?

I-I, well, ummm, well, that's it in short

A- You explained it so well!!

“I-I’m pregnant,” I said it barely audible, but he heard

And what? You are pregnant??

I told you that he doesn’t want children from me...

A-why are you sad?? Dumb huh? Come to me!!

I wanted to run away, but he grabbed me and threw me on the bed and lay down next to me.

A- Thank you my girl***

A- I love you little *)))

Me too!)

This is how the day went...

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:16

Let's move straight to the wedding day... I don't want to drag out the story... I wore a soft pink dress, and Aslan wore a black suit... I had a hairstyle made of a scarf on my head... Everything was beautiful.. Jack was gorgeous, there are no words to describe it... First I was at Jackie’s wedding, and when they came for the bride, I went with them***... I was sick all day... They announced the dance of the bride and groom, they were all still a beautiful couple... A tall and strong guy, and next to him a girl who is not very tall and so fragile*** I love them... The dance ended and it was time for them to leave, not only for them, but also for us)... Everyone went home ***... I don’t know what they had.. But we had this

At night: 3 am, I got up and told my husband

I- do you love me?*

A - more than life**

I - I love myself too)) Aslan buy me a Rolton

A- this is harmful

I say that you love more than life, but you don’t even buy Rolton!!!

I'll go now!!

He got up, washed, got dressed and left... He arrived 20 minutes later, with large bags)

I-give meeee***

A- you can’t go away..

I'm greedy you!! Moreover, a huge...

A- let's go eat

He cooked me a rollton.. I ate and went to bed... He also came and lay down next to me, hugged me around the waist, and then touched my tummy..

A- I wonder who we have

The main thing for me is that I be healthy***

A- You're right***

I want to sleep...

I'll miss a month, Aslan went to work ((I almost cried... My girl was also pregnant... I was 2 months pregnant, and she was only on her first... She was getting thinner and thinner, and her stomach was not so visible... But for me it was almost noticeable... Jack and I announced together that we were pregnant)... Everyone was happy... But one thing worried me was that she was losing weight!!

My family won't drag out the story...

• Anonymous
• April 02, 2015
• 11:16

Do you know why Jack lost weight? She was suffering from a serious illness!! My girl, my dear, my little girl(((We were already 9 months pregnant... We were sitting in the evening and my contractions started!! Aslan immediately took me to the hospital!! It was of course difficult to give birth, but when they give you... the hands of your baby, you forget about all the pain... We had a boy... You should have seen how happy Aslan was... And of course, me too... They named him Alim... That’s what dad (Aslan) wanted.. Time passed, it was time to give birth to my baby Jackie... Since she was sick, it was difficult for her... Islam prayed day and night to Allah to help him... Yes, and we also prayed for her... But this is It was the will of Allah, my Jackie was gone!! Islam named their daughter after her “Jennet”, which means “Paradise”... Islam was gradually dying... And me? I didn’t live but existed!! It was so bad that you can’t even imagine!! It can’t be described in words!!! My little, my dear girl died!! Aslan also lost all weight(((I’m silent about our parents!!(((... Jack kept a diary, I’m talking about this I found out after she died... I was allowed to open her diary... Before opening I said

I am Jack, my dear girl, forgive me...

And immediately opened the last pages... There were the words:

“There are moments in life when there are no tears in your eyes, but there is a whole sea in your heart.”

“Whoever says that time heals has never known someone else’s grief! Wounds in the heart don’t heal - you just get used to the pain.”

"Another day in which everything was except you"

There were different phrases, the more I read, the stronger the pain in my chest... And the very last phrase was

"Farewell Islam! You taught me to love and be loved! You taught me not to be afraid of my desires and to make a breakthrough to my happiness, to my dream, and to my love! It is a pity that fate did not give me enough time to prove to you how strong I am my feelings! I knew that I was going to die, they told me that I was seriously ill, and that there was a choice *Me or that little creature inside me*... I wanted her to live, I wanted her to be happy!! So what if it doesn’t happen her mother) But I hope, In Shaa Allah, she will be the most beautiful and happiest! I love you for the sake of Allah!"

I fell to the floor and cried! Islam came in and helped me get up! We sat on the edge of the bed and hugged each other tightly! Our son was with the nanny during the day, and at night we picked him up... I already weighed 39 kg... I felt very bad, I can’t describe it in words!!!

Three years later: Rasul got married, his daughter Camilla was born.. Alim and Jacka were 3 years old... My daughter Dilara was born... We still remember Jacka, we can’t forget her!! But Islam Jack's daughter already knew that her mother had flown far away... We persuaded Islam to move in with us... After much persuasion, he came to live with us. Jack calls me mom and Islam dad... Everything is great with Aslan and I..

With this I will end the story, love and immeasurable happiness to all❤❤❤❤❤❤

Malika got married early - at the age of 15, so that even she herself did not have time to understand how it happened. During her cousin's wedding, a handsome guy from a neighboring village liked her, and he came to the spring to see her. And her friend Marem, envious that such an enviable groom had paid attention to Malika, carefully watched the couple a little to the side. Suddenly, completely unexpectedly for everyone, she shouted loudly: “Kug lazza! Kug lazza!” (Took the hand! Took the hand!), although nothing of the kind happened. Why she did this remains a mystery. She probably wanted to disgrace Malika, but in reality it turned out that this involuntary “shame” was the reason that the handsome, handsome Shamil sent matchmakers to Malika that same evening. And the “disgraced” Malika married him, thinking that something terrible had happened.

Malika was pleased with her husband. Of course, rural life is not all sugar, but Malika was accustomed to work from early childhood - milking a cow, baking bread - she did everything playfully. And her husband... loved her, despite the fact that she had been married for 5 years, she could not give him children. Only chores around the house and yard allowed her to forget about her misfortune for a while. But every evening she fell asleep with tears in her eyes and a prayer to Allah for a child.

That evening she prayed especially earnestly. She decided for herself that if this time it didn’t work out, she would not torment Shamil anymore and would go to her parents’ house. She suggested that he marry someone else more than once, but he reassured her as best he could, not even thinking about a second wife. “Even if we never have children, I will not marry someone else,” he passionately convinced her, “... we have a large family, it’s okay if I personally don’t have children. Others have it - and that’s enough, the Salamov family will not end with me.”

But, despite his words, Malika could not allow her beloved, dear, dear person to remain childless. Therefore, she firmly decided for herself - she would wait another month - and that’s it, go home...

Allah heard her prayers, and a month later she conceived... At first she couldn’t believe it, she was afraid to say it, and she couldn’t admit to herself that it had happened. I kept listening to myself, I was still afraid to say it out loud. And only when Shamil asked about it himself, noticing her slightly rounded belly, she answered: “Yes, it seems I’m pregnant.” Oh, how he spun her around, how he rejoiced! What care and attention filled her days! He categorically forbade doing hard work and looked forward to the birth of the child...

What was the reason for the delay in the birth of children is unclear, but since then children in the family of Shamil and Malika began to appear every year - as if from a cornucopia. Their house was filled with the voices of their eight sons!

The happiness of Shamil and Malika knew no bounds. In the depths of her soul, Malika dreamed of a girl, but even alone she did not dare to complain, since she was very grateful to Allah for the happiness he had sent her!

The eldest son, Magomed, was the most playful and hectic. Probably because his parents spoiled him more than anyone else, and they instilled in all the other children that he was the eldest, he should be listened to, he should be respected and revered. He believed in his exclusivity and importance and every now and then “delighted” his parents with his pranks.

His favorite trick was to hide somewhere for a long time and wait for his mother to start looking for him. “Moh1mad, k1orni, michakh vu hyo? Havad mamin! Sa gatdella sa!” (Magomed, baby, where are you? Run to mom! I miss you!) - Malika wailed, running around the yard, looking into every corner, but Magomed found a new place every time, and she never managed to find it. After tormenting her for some time, he jumped out of hiding with wild screams, and then they laughed together for a long time...

... On the outskirts of the village of Goiskoye, the corpses of those killed during the “anti-terrorist operation to capture militants” in the village of Komsomolskoye were dumped into a huge pit. The unfortunate people dug into this hole, looking among the disfigured corpses for their loved ones and relatives, so dear and loved ones with whom they were just yesterday...
... Among everyone, a middle-aged woman stood out, with a gauze-tied face and mournful eyes that seemed to reflect all the sadness of the world... Every now and then she pulled someone out of a pile of corpses and said: “Hara sa wu!.. Hara sa wu !.. Hara sa wu!” (This one is mine, and this one is mine, and this one is mine...) The women standing at a distance shook their heads sympathetically and talked among themselves, not believing that all seven corpses that the woman pulled out of the landfill were related to her. In their opinion, the woman simply lost her mind and pulled everyone out.

“Moh1mad, sa k1orni, michakh vu hyo? Sa sa gatdella!” (Magomed, my baby, where are you? I miss you!) - the woman began to wail, and those watching her were sure that she had lost her mind. Someone was crying, someone who had no more tears left wanted to approach her to take her away from there, and one of the women was already moving in her direction, but an elderly man standing aside stopped her with the words: “Leave her. These are our seven sons. She's looking for the eighth." He couldn't hold back his tears. In embarrassment, he turned away and cried quietly. He did not have the moral strength to approach the pit.

“Moh1mad, k1orni, hya guch val, so kadella!” (Magomed, baby, come out, I’m tired) - Malika repeated. There wasn't a single tear on her face...

... About 2,000 local people died in the bloody massacre in the village of Komsomolskoye. Including old people, women and children...

Many people of the older generation associate romantic relationships in the Caucasus with the film “Prisoner of the Caucasus”: with violent passions, beautiful traditions and customs. The younger generation has high-profile stories about violations of women’s rights such as the “wedding of the century”, with court cases of kidnapping of women and “honor killings”.

Generational differences in gender relations and attitudes are also evident in the North Caucasus itself. In the older generation, “arranged weddings” were common, when the newlyweds did not see each other until the wedding day, and their relatives agreed on marriage.

Many of those with whom I spoke in the Caucasus tell such stories about their parents’ wedding with humor. For example, Muhammad from Ingushetia recalls the story of his father, who one day, returning from work in the field, met his friends on the way, who told him that his relatives had found him a bride and his wedding had already been scheduled. The young man was a little excited: who is this girl, will he like her? However, when he arrived home, he found out that it was a neighbor he knew well, and was very happy. Muhammad didn’t bother to ask whether his father liked this girl.

Among today's younger generation, such stories rarely happen. Young people prefer to choose their own spouses out of love. But even here there are exceptions, especially on the part of young men who believe that it is better to entrust such an important matter as choosing a wife to their mother or aunt.

Romance of the Highlanders

The topic of romantic relationships and love has always existed in the North Caucasus. All nations have their own beautiful legends about local “Romeos and Juliets”; many families have their own stories about the acquaintance and relationship of great-grandparents. True, sometimes these are stories about forbidden and unfulfilled love, about a ban on marriage by parents, separation or a forced break with relatives (which often happened if a girl or boy found a soul mate of a different nationality or religion). And indeed, listening to these stories, it seems that you are watching a Turkish TV series, where passions rage, tears flow, horsemen ride horses, and women yearn in the evenings under a mulberry tree.

At the same time, in real everyday life, many peoples maintain an unspoken (and sometimes enshrined in adats - local codes of conduct) ban on the public manifestation of feelings and emotions. This is especially true for the behavior of men. In public, it is not appropriate for them to demonstrate love not only for their wife, but even for their children. It is believed that emotionality is an exclusively female trait. The same rules govern other areas of relations between men and women - courtship, acquaintance, dating, matchmaking and behavior at one’s own wedding.

A detailed ritual system developed in the Caucasus long before the revolution and lasted throughout the Soviet era. It determined how dates should take place, set the distance at which a man could approach a woman, and prescribed, among other things, the presence of separate tables (or even rooms) for men and women at weddings. In the last two decades, with the collapse of the economy and ongoing armed conflicts in the Caucasian republics, the role of these rules has weakened significantly, giving way to either Islamic ethics or secular values.

Now gender relations in the Caucasus are a patchwork quilt consisting of different, not always compatible pieces: traditional ideas and strict requirements of pre-Islamic rituals can coexist with European practices; deliberately distant physical distances on a date organically coexist with WhatsApp flirting.

Romanticism or pragmatism?

Dreams of “European” romance are more common among girls. They expect beautiful love stories, gallantry, attention, gifts and flowers. Foreign TV series played a major role in the formation of new ideas about what relationships are like: in the 90s, these were Mexican soap operas, then Indian films and, finally, Turkish TV series.

Men just laugh at these expectations, and at the sound of a loud TV series, they roll their eyes and rush to hide in the courtyard, where they can stand and talk in male company. The code of Caucasian masculinity does not imply unnecessary sentimentality, and even young men who are sincerely in love are afraid of appearing too sensitive. Some admit that they do not understand and do not know what these mysterious creatures - women - need - preferring the pragmatics of relationships to reckless love. That’s why they ask female relatives to find them a suitable wife, meaning a girl from a good family, economical, with an impeccable reputation.

Context

Norway allows immigrants to have polygamy

Hegestorhaug.blogg 09/11/2016

Syrian "war brides"

Publico.es 02/11/2016

Putin likes polygamy

Foreign Policy 07/28/2015 One friend from Dagestan admitted in a conversation that he was seriously concerned about finding a suitable wife, because it was time to get married due to his age, and he wanted family comfort and a caring wife. I objected, noting that not all girls are eager to stand at the stove and be housewives, and said that my husband irons his shirts quite independently, and even cooks for himself, because he loves meat, and I love vegetables; and that in general I’m often on business trips, so the whole house is on him.

As my story progressed, the interlocutor’s face became more and more stunned, and I felt a sincere question ready to escape from his lips: “So why did he even marry you?!” I had to praise myself and convince him that my husband loved me not for my thriftiness, but because I was beautiful and smart. The friend, however, was not impressed. It’s understandable - beauty will pass, but khinkal is always needed on the table!

The pragmatism of Caucasian men lies not only in the fact that they get a wife almost exclusively for having children and running a household. In response to my question about what gesture in a relationship they consider the most romantic, some interlocutors emphatically stated that it is very romantic to steal the girl you like. But not a stranger at all, galloping after her on a white horse and wrapping her in a brocade carpet.

Thefts are increasingly occurring by agreement, and this is an alternative to an expensive wedding. The young man and the girl agree on when and where he will pick her up in a Lada Priora with his friends. There are hundreds of such videos on YouTube, where young men who arrive at the university in a car grab a girl, push her into the back seat of the car, she screams and pretends to resist. After which the bride’s parents are informed that the girl is with them, and if the girl herself confirms that she agrees to stay, everyone leaves in peace. This saves families a couple of million rubles, which they are supposed to spend on a luxurious wedding with the invitation of all relatives. Of course, there are also real thefts, when a girl is taken away against her will, and then problems begin that can lead to many years of enmity between two family clans.

The girls themselves don't really like the kidnapping story. They want a beautiful wedding, a white dress, and before that - courtship, flowers, grand gestures. But in conditions of unprecedentedly high unemployment and low wages in the Caucasian republics, not many have enough money for sweeping gestures. Therefore, more and more often, girls are discovering a new romance, where the main value is attention and care from a loved one. “Flowers and gifts are not important to me,” says 30-year-old Madina from Chechnya. “But bringing medicine when I’m sick, or saying, ‘Go, rest, I’ll take care of the housework myself’ - this is the highest manifestation of romance that I would like to see from my husband.” And several girls also believe that men give flowers not sincerely, but because “it’s necessary,” and they say that they would appreciate such a gesture without a reason, and not on March 8 or February 14.

Woman's happiness

One of the main questions we asked our interlocutors during our research was whether they felt happy. To our surprise, it caused great resistance and misunderstanding, especially among older people. At best, we received an absent-minded, general answer: “Well, of course, I have a family and children, what else do you need?”

The importance of the family in the republics is so high that an unmarried man and an unmarried woman have a lower social status, as if they had not yet begun to live. Therefore, as the 25th anniversary approaches, relatives and acquaintances increasingly begin to ask the question “When already, when, when, when?” Family is perceived as the main value and goal in life. They especially feel sorry for unmarried women and shake their heads sympathetically. In some republics, a girl who remains unmarried for a long time is also a burden for her brother, who, according to traditional norms, must be responsible for her honor until he hands her over safely to her husband.

This situation is beginning to cause protest among young modern girls. Having seen enough of the unfulfilled destinies and divorces of older sisters or other relatives, they decide to get an education and become economically independent before thinking about marriage. As a result, many girls decide not to get married at all, despite strong pressure from relatives and public opinion. There are also those among them who are fundamentally determined to look for their other half outside the Caucasus, so that the man shares egalitarian principles in relationships. But there are also exactly the opposite trends, when girls receive higher education only because a bride with a diploma has a better chance of finding a rich suitor, and investments in themselves involve expensive outfits and plastic surgery to improve the nose and “pump up” the lips.

The rapid urbanization of recent decades has led to another trend - the destruction of multi-generational families and the desire of young people to live separately. With this, individualistic values, autonomy, and independence in building a life strategy also grow. It is increasingly difficult for public opinion - a formidable weapon of social control - to penetrate into a single apartment where a young family lives. Consequently, the number of different “gender contracts” is growing, where there are also options for responsible fatherhood, a two-career family with a babysitter.

If I were a sultan

Men also found their own life hacks for realizing romantic relationships. If earlier love was more likely a synonym of gratitude and affection, or was separated from the family and existed in the form of connections on the side, then with the spread of polygamy in the Caucasus, the role of the beloved began to be assigned to the second wife. Having married on the recommendation of relatives and having the desired number of children, a man discovers a romantic attraction to a beautiful young girl.

It happens that she has no idea about the existence of her first wife until Nikah (Islamic marriage). According to Sharia law, a man can have up to four wives, provided that they all receive the same amount of his attention and material benefits.

For me, polygamy was one of the most controversial practices that I opposed, arguing that polygamy without polyandry was a clear inequality. But young girls attacked me, passionately defending their right to be a second (well-loved) wife. Many interlocutors, including a friend who at that time was the second wife and had a child from a man, gave the following argument: “In Russia, men simply take mistresses, live with them for years, and then can leave them without consequences. And Sharia law protects the second wife in case of divorce.”

And yet, although many girls say that they would not mind becoming second wives, no one envies the fate of their first wives. While I was writing this article, a close friend of mine was faced with the fact that after two years of marriage and the birth of a child, her husband confronted her with the fact that he had taken a second wife - a very young rural girl. To leave her husband or not is a question that my friend will have to answer for herself in the very near future. Our research showed that, along with domestic violence, the appearance of another wife is the most important cause of divorce in the Caucasus. In most cases, the first wife breaks off the relationship herself, not wanting to put up with the new family, and returns with the children to her parents’ house. In Chechnya, the story becomes even more dramatic: there is a tradition of leaving children in the husband’s family, and if a woman, dissatisfied with the sudden appearance of a new wife, leaves, then she leaves alone.

Today, North Caucasian love and relationships are more colorful than a patchwork quilt: traditional practices and rituals coexist quite peacefully with completely European ones, romanticism with pragmatism, polygamy with monogamy. Family relationships are regulated not only (and sometimes not so much) by traditions, but also by new ideas about love, respect and justice. There are increasingly cases where a man, despite the rules prescribed by tradition, takes the side of a woman, stands up for her, and protects her from attacks from relatives. And young men are increasingly striving to marry “for real,” to the girl they love, and not because the time has come. As 40-year-old Fatima from Dagestan told me, “people in the Caucasus have long been able to live as they want!” “The main thing is that it doesn’t come out,” she added.

InoSMI materials contain assessments exclusively of foreign media and do not reflect the position of the InoSMI editorial staff.