A man makes promises in an altered state. Types of men with whom you should not enter into a serious relationship

The age-old question of women seeking advice from a psychologist, astrologer, fortune-teller - how will relations with this man develop? With which, as a rule, there are so many problems that it is already difficult to cope without a specialist. As a rule, they seek help already when the case is running. Because it's too late, I messed up. It is much easier to recognize a potential problem in advance. And if this has already happened, it is necessary as soon as possible to reconsider your attitude to the situation, to yourself and to the tormenting man. And then the external situation will change - either the man who causes suffering will fall away, or he will change (but this is extremely rare, unfortunately, rather as an exception to the rule). And this will open the way to a bright streak in a woman's life, to a new relationship, this time harmonious.

First of all, I would like to note that every woman needs to treat herself with love and respect. Without self-love it is almost impossible to build harmonious relationship. Because others treat us the way we treat ourselves and, therefore, how we allow ourselves to be treated. Moreover, what kind of people are attracted to us depends on our internal attitude. Secondly, it is important that the point here is not so much in the man as in the woman herself. Namely, what kind of men she chooses. There are a number of types of men who are not capable of long-term and harmonious relationships (there are also women, but in this article we will talk about men). And until a woman realizes where she makes a mistake and does not internally revise her attitude towards herself and towards similar men, she will step on the same rake again and again (as a rule, each subsequent case is harder than the previous one). Often unsuitable men are attracted to women who can be called idealists, maximalists, overly romantic persons who dream of ideal, passionate, all-consuming love. As a rule, this is a consequence of a lack of love from the father. Having matured, such a girl subconsciously seeks to arouse love for herself just in such men who cannot give it to her. And the pattern repeats over and over again. Less often, the opposite situation occurs - excessive idealization of the father, big love with his hand.

Types of men with whom it is dangerous to start a relationship.

He swears love to you, in moments of intimacy he is caring and gentle. But in communication with you, he always looks at his watch, hides you from everyone, cannot meet with you on weekends and holidays, while saying that he loves only you. However, in reality, in a relationship, there are not two of you, but three. At the same time, he will have a lot of explanations why he cannot leave his wife, despite the fact that he loves only you, but does not love her and she does not understand him. Or, he will always promise you that soon the time will come and he will divorce and marry you. But all this will be... in the future. These are just words. Not deeds. Although there are exceptions.

This type of man behaves with you in exactly the same way as a married man. But at the same time, she is not married. He looks like gorgeous man who makes you feel good when you're having fun together. But as soon as you need help... he's not around, he's out of reach. He always has things that are more important than you. At the same time, he, like a married man, does not introduce you to his friends, does not tell his parents about you (let alone introduce you to them). When he needs you, he is your covenant, and you are there. But he doesn't even allow the thought of being there for you when you need it. He doesn't think about it. He is so comfortable and good. And if you get tired of it and you leave him, he will be ... fine too. Although, perhaps not immediately. Because some time will not be convenient. After all, you will not be there when he wants it, as always, for a few ... hours or minutes.

This is a merry fellow, charming and joker. He is charming, sweet and irresistible. When you are together, he puts you on a pedestal, makes vows, jokes. It's never boring with him. But... for no apparent reason, suddenly he doesn't get in touch with you, despite the promises. And it can disappear for weeks, without worrying about your experiences. Then, just as suddenly, he appears and, with invariable charm, looking into your eyes with love, asks for forgiveness. So what if you found evidence of his infidelity in the form of lipstick on his shirt? After all, he is so charming and so faithfully promises that this will never happen again. And you forgive because you want to believe in a fairy tale. After all, this charmer is so sweet and speaks so skillfully about love for you. But... he's irresponsible as well as charming.

All his thoughts are about the same thing. All he needs from you is the satisfaction of sexual needs. Sex replaces for him all the delights of relations between a man and a woman. He is not interested in heart-to-heart conversations, he does not know how to express his feelings to you, he longs for only one thing. And all the problems in a relationship can only be solved by sex. But... at any moment when you are not around, or when for some reason you cannot satisfy his suddenly flared need, he can do it somewhere else. After all, sex is all he needs from a woman.

This man calls himself self-sufficient and independent. He doesn't need your presence at all. Rather, he only wants to be with you sometimes. And not every day. After all, he is self-sufficient, and he is so good. You console yourself with the thought that you have him, because he is dating you. And that he will substitute his strong male shoulder in difficult situation. But... it's an illusion. Because he doesn't need it. And it may very well be that at some point his self-sufficiency in relations with you will reach such limits that he will no longer need to spend his time on you at least occasionally. After all, the main thing for him is his freedom and independence.

Such a man will give you his attention in abundance, shower passionate confessions in love, to fulfill your every whim without hesitation, ready for literally everything for you and cannot live without you. And soon you won't be able to be alone for a minute. Because he will always be with you. He wants to merge with you, to always be one, and ... he will demand the same constant attention from you. You will have to give all your time only to him. So, in the end, you ask yourself the question - does he really love you, or is he some kind of painful addiction?

This is a storyteller-associate, an excellent connoisseur female psychology. He paints in all colors the beauty of love for you and you as such. Beautiful words flow from him like a river. Ah, these women who "love with their ears!"... He casts languid glances at you, he talks about love, promises a lot, and constantly creeps into your soul. He subtly understands the slightest movements human soul, perfectly feels you and pretends that "on the board" is your own. He is an excellent manipulator psychological methods impact. He knows your motives and needs, tells you everything you want, and promises you a lot. And soon you realize that he got into your soul so much that you can’t tear it off. He put you on beautiful words like a drug. He has a habit of subtly asking how much you love him, how much you need him. And you say - yes, I love! This is exactly what he wanted. But... it soon becomes clear that he can offer you nothing but words. And does not consider it necessary. He is weak and helpless, does not keep his promises, and many do not even remember. He does not know how to act. All his energy goes into beautiful words. As a rule, he has an inferiority complex, and with intimate conversations he makes women fall in love with him. For self-assertion.

This is a man who loves only himself. He is simply incapable of loving anyone else. Especially when it comes to a person who great attention pays attention to his appearance. Do you think it's nice to deal with such an elegant handsome macho? However... this is only an appearance. The more carefully he chooses his clothes, shoes, perfume, hairstyle, the more he looks in the mirror and laments about what he has typed. overweight, the more the situation is running - in front of you is a narcissist. He really takes good care of himself, but ... only for himself. For others, it just isn't enough.

A man whose all interests are limited solely to his career will never be able to make a woman happy. He disappears at work for days, and he does not care about anything but her. In this pair, the third man-work is superfluous. Probably, such a person does not have a very developed ability to feel, love, care. He replaces care and love with money earned at work. And, if a woman tries to resent his inattention, he will reproach her for not appreciating his efforts to provide her with a sweet life. He just won't hear her.

A man subject to harmful addictions can make any woman unhappy. And here neither the most wonderful compatibility nor love will save. You can live with him, but ... is it possible to live happily? And is it worth the pain?

Such a man at first glance can strike you with his strength and masculinity. He knows how to solve problems, he is active, strong, decisive. He is the master of life. As a rule, he occupies a high position and earns well. Behind him - like a stone wall. But at one fine moment you realize the stone wall has turned into a cage. Because such a man limits you in everything and dictates to you all your actions for a long time to come. Controlling every step. He perceives you as a thing, his property.

Is it worth explaining that if a man beats his woman every now and then, then relying on the well-known saying "Beating means he loves" is not the best way out. Besides, it is not limited to beatings alone. And do not skimp on insults and rudeness. If he is so aggressive that he easily raises his hand to you, it is foolish to believe that he can be redone and you will live like in a fairy tale. Even if he suddenly begins to promise that he will never do it again. If he raised a hand against you, try to stop this relationship as soon as possible.

it special type men. He can have as much money as he wants, but this has little effect on the degree of his greed. He can explain this to you for whatever reason, and even assure you that he is not greedy, but it should be borne in mind that people are prone to "excuses", even if they themselves do not realize true motives of his behaviour. A man who spares money for his woman is not a man. And tomorrow he will spare money for his child. And then what? Believe in miracles? He can spare money for everyone except himself. And maybe greedy for yourself too. It's not that important. Another thing is important - it cannot be corrected. A man by nature is a protector, a breadwinner. And if in your chosen one instead of these qualities - greed, everything is too neglected. Run away from him and do not regret anything!

At first, he may seem so touchingly unhappy that he will touch your soul. You will want to pour out your tenderness on this unfortunate creature, warm it up, caress it and finally make it happy with your love. After all, he has such sad eyes He is so serious and reserved. He probably has such a vulnerable and sensitive soul that he is afraid to show his feelings so that he is not hurt or offended. And you will take and melt the ice, because your love is enough for two. Stop! First of all, pay attention to your self-esteem! Why do you have to love for two? There will be no happiness in such a relationship. Because there is no harmony and equality. And it won't. Secondly, such stories, as a rule, end in the collapse of relationships, many disappointments, illnesses and mental trauma. Because an insensitive, indifferent, cold person who does not know how to love will not melt from your love alone. He doesn't need it. Although there are exceptions - when a man, at first cautious and restrained, as the relationship develops and trust in you grows, opens up and becomes loving and tender with you. But this usually happens pretty soon. And this is rare. If his coldness dragged on for months, or even years, it is pointless to expect a miracle.

This money-obsessed type can hardly be called a man. But he doesn't think so. He is used to selling himself, his attractiveness (and often he is really damn attractive!). He is well versed in the intricacies of female psychology, skillfully manipulates and seduces. He can be good lover. And he knows how to "splurge" so that you lose your head from him. Having previously learned all the features of your excellent material well-being. But... will he love you? He only loves your money. You have to be very careful with this one and stay away from it. So that it doesn’t work out, as in one humorous story “A friend met such a handsome man! Not a man, but a fairy tale!” - he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t work, ... and doesn’t intend to. He lives in her chic apartment, on everything ready And he answers all the indignations - if you don’t like something, I can leave, they will quickly pick me up as a handsome man.

This is a man, in principle, not capable of love. Although he himself may not think so. But love he calls anything, but not love itself. He can sincerely admit that he is not monogamous. Hiding behind slogans from books that a man is a sower and all that. So everything is in the nature of men, and not at all his fault. But he may not say so. It doesn't matter. If a man walks, it is in vain to expect from him that he will finally settle down and stop going to the left. Even if he says that he loves only you and there will be no more trips to the left. However, if you are ready for this, continue to be with him. And even deceive yourself that you are happy and don’t go to the doctors at all, you don’t experience an inferiority complex, etc. etc. But is it worth it?

This type is very similar to inaccessible and independent. But he most often openly declares his bachelor principles. He does not accept the institution of marriage, he cannot stand obligations. Taking responsibility for someone is just stupid. What for? If you can live for yourself, your beloved, for your pleasure. And to satisfy sexual needs with women, to whom he is not going to offer anything but sex (after all, he does not owe anything to anyone). And he will always find them. He does not know the charm of close relationships, care and family comfort. He doesn't understand it. The word "we" does not exist for him, or even infuriates him. And the word "our, common" is generally like a red rag for a bull. Among bachelors there may also be misogynists.

This is a man full of abstruse ideas and reasoning. He will quote the classics and philosophers, he is well-read, intelligent and looks down on this whole "imperfect world" with philistine foundations. Often he leads an ascetic lifestyle, cannot earn anything (with loud slogans that money is so low and vulgar). May be overly fond of spiritual practices, Castaneda, yoga, etc. (which in itself is not bad at all, but not in the case of a gloomy philosopher). He ignores the physical, material world. May not take care of himself, be untidy, unkempt. He has low sensory sensations. After all, he is a bird high flight. Spit on the generally accepted foundations. Marriage can also be looked down upon, cynically talking about "love for a woman as a wild flower- I saw, I smelled, I admired and went on, oh open relationship. That's what it is " high relations". Why should he burden himself with everyday life and serious relationships? After all, he is above this, all so spiritual, intelligent and advanced.

This man is a typical loser. He cannot find decent job, he always sits penniless in his pocket, and even on someone's neck. At the same time, he can consider himself an unrecognized genius, whom no one appreciates and does not understand. In his failures, as a rule, he blames others and circumstances. At work, they say, they don’t appreciate him, they don’t raise his salary, the bosses are all completely bad, his colleagues are envious. His friends do not understand him, and therefore he has no friends, by and large. And women are completely insidious creatures. And he didn't see a single good girl. It's all rubbish. Whine, criticize everything and everyone and beat for pity - his typical behavior. And even if at first he will say that you may be an exception, and not like all these bitches, then the likelihood that in his eyes you will soon go to the same cohort of bitches is very high.

This is the type of weak, dependent person. As a rule, has domineering mother, or was brought up by a domineering grandmother. Often he is The only son from parents (or from one mother, whom her husband either abandoned, or there was none). And now he obeys his mother in everything, she completely controls him. If he manages to fly out from under her wing and he starts a relationship with you, firstly, his mother with to a large extent He will not approve of the probability of his choice (why does she need a competitor?), And he will listen to her, or he will behave with you as with an imperious and strong mother. He won't be able to take a step without you, he will be completely under your influence. There is no need to look for support and support in such a man. And with his addiction, he will very soon begin to piss you off. Do you need an overgrown infantile "son", or is it a man?

The list goes on. But the trends are clear. Of course, all these types are just conventions. And they are, as a rule, exaggerated, as in any typology. In addition, in nature there are practically no pure types. Usually several of these characteristics, developed to varying degrees, are combined in one person. Some of them are mutually intersecting. All people are not perfect. And this or that feature may be present in normal man who can build a good relationship. But the most important thing is to understand to what extent it is developed. And if some of these traits are strongly and seriously expressed in a man, then, of course, you can build relationships with him if you really want to (but is it worth it?). Moreover, "love is evil." But! Is it love? Love is harmony. Although many call it strong feelings where there is a lot of suffering, or passion, or painful addiction. Anything but love. Remember that long and happy relationship it is almost impossible to create with such a man. Although many of our women live on the principle of "even if it's bad, but mine." Here it is worth deciding for yourself - what you want - happy family and a loving, reliable man nearby, who not only makes you happy, but is also happy that you are nearby. Or suffering, complexes, tears and psychosomatic illnesses. And remember, no matter what a man is, he must take care not only of himself, but also of you and your children. How about yourself. And playing with one goal will not bring happiness.

“I could make a whole book out of the promises that men made to me in bed,” said Barbara Streisand. It must be admitted that there really is a category of men who generously give out promises, and are not limited to the bedroom: “I will call you / Of course, we will get married! / Yes, I will buy you a fur coat / Of course, I will come to dinner / Today I will hang this picture " . Hit of all times and peoples: "I promise, this will not happen again." Why men do not keep their word and is it worth waiting for the promised three years.

We begin to believe in the promises made to us since childhood - when dad promises to New Year the most beautiful doll, and Santa Claus guarantees that in next year will definitely reappear. When Santa Claus does not come, and instead of a doll a tiny baby doll sits under the tree, disappointment sets in. It is noteworthy that there is no analogue of the phrase “a man said, a man did” regarding a woman. Specific relation to the word this man, experts explain socio-cultural norms. “A man is a structuring principle, he builds the structure of the world. And the structure is something that you can rely on,” psychologist Alena Sagadeeva philosophizes. “These are traditionally social and gender roles, in accordance with which boys and girls are brought up,” adds Igor Pozhidaev, a psychotherapist at the Sibneiromed center. “People are expected to live up to the ideas they’ve been taught.”

But some, apparently, still inspired something else. Conventionally, men who make empty promises can be divided into three categories.

Liar, liar. This is a real liar, manipulator and cunning. He knows what he wants and achieves everything possible ways, including making promises that are expected of him and that he will never fulfill.
. Aspiring. The second category is men who do it unconsciously. “Such men want to look better than they are. They are aspiring, but not moving,” says Alena Sagadeeva. They make promises not because they want to deceive - they just want it to be so in reality, so they themselves begin to sincerely believe in it, infecting their interlocutors with their faith. If such a man is convicted of a discrepancy between words and deeds, he will very sadly shrug, ask for forgiveness and promise that this time he will try to do everything right.
. Offended. The most amazing character. It differs from the previous one in excessive touchiness and defiant removal of responsibility. "Why aren't you looking for a job? You promised, ”they are interested in him for the fifth time. And he explodes with righteous anger, managing to give a dozen arguments in favor of the fact that he has nothing to do with it and is generally deeply offended by the very posing of the question.

Between word and deed
If you dig into male head, most often the reasons for such irresponsibility are associated with an attempt to escape - the fear of punishment, the desire to avoid a scandal or to reassure someone who is happy to be deceived himself.

“The most important thing is that inside this person there is a certain conflict between what he really wants and what others expect from him, to whom he makes these promises,”

says Alena Sagadeeva. He may know that he wants something else, or he may sincerely believe that he wants the same thing that they do, although in reality this is not so. Ultimately, in order not to create excessive tension in the relationship, he promises what he does not really want. What does he really want then? According to Ms. Sagadeeva, unlike a woman who wants stability, a man, first of all, seeks freedom. How will he react to the restriction in the basic need, depends on upbringing and fortitude, but the reaction in one form or another will follow immediately. empty promises- one of them.

The second need that must be satisfied (here regardless of gender) is the need for love, acceptance and respect.

In response to his promise, the man receives certain bonuses - the fur coat has not yet been bought, the nail has not yet been hammered - and the woman is already smiling, already grateful in advance and inspiring for further verbal exploits.

Also, show me a woman who does not want to hear that everything will be fine and all wishes will come true? Even if it's hard to believe, even if the whole previous experience says the opposite, I still really want to.

What to do?
It is difficult to resist the question “Why didn’t you warn again?”, It is difficult to resist the irony in response to another promise of a person who does not keep his word. The only thing you can do in this situation is to try again to voice how you feel - in some cases, the quantity factor works. And most importantly - for yourself to understand what you personally do in order to get the attitude that you get. This will surely anger many women, but it happens that they themselves regularly insist, push through their desires, preventing a man from expressing himself the way he wants.

Analyzing in which column of merits you made a mistake, you can find the treasured key that will open the veil of secrecy and put everything in its place.

“As a rule, the problem is in the mismatch of values ​​- for a man one thing is valuable, and for a woman another, these are different things and they do not intersect.

On the other hand, if a man regularly makes promises, but does not fulfill them, then this is not the right man - this is especially difficult to believe, ”says Alena Sagadeeva. It is possible, according to experts, to change the current model of behavior, but it is difficult. “It requires quite a lot of effort,” Igor Pozhidaev believes. “And here you need to correctly assess the situation, understand whether to fight for your happiness or just find it in the form in which it already exists.”

If you don’t want to break off the relationship, you should again ask yourself the question - what will happen if he never fulfills what he promises? Would you like to be with him in this case? If not, then you should stop entertaining yourself with illusions. And if so, to hell with her, with a fur coat and an unhammered nail.

Valeria Belenkaya

When they tell you good words it's nice. And when they do good deeds, it's even nicer. Why doesn't the guy keep his word? Let's see what this behavior of a guy can mean.

Yes, girls love with their ears. But I still want words to be backed up by actions. It's not uncommon for guys to say they're ready to get a star out of the sky, but in reality they don't do the most banal things. Such an attitude suggests that the guy does not know how to take on even elementary responsibility. In this case, the guy is unlikely to ever.

Consider what character traits of a guy who does not fulfill promises can be emphasized for himself:

1. Not a man of his word. A man must be responsible for his words. Otherwise, he loses his male trait. And most likely looks like a child. And with a child to build a family is not even easy.

2. Frivolous. He hardly thinks about his words. He is accustomed only to speak, but does not confirm his words with deeds.

3. Deceiver. It is logical to name such a guy. After all, he does not fulfill what he promises. Over time, trust in such a guy disappears. Well, without trust, relationships fall apart.

4. Not reliable. A girl in order to build a family needs to feel confident in tomorrow. And how can you be sure with a person who cheats.

5. Not responsible. It would be correct to call such a person not responsible. It's hard to entrust something to a guy who is not responsible for the result.

How can you deal with a guy who does not keep his promises:

1. Promise him to leave if he does not start doing what he promised. And of course, unlike him, keep his word.

2. Write down his promises. And after a certain line, present it to him as an invoice.

3. Take him at his word. Then perhaps he will follow what was said.

4. Don't ask him for anything. And watch for a while to see if he notices it.

5. Ignore. Warn before that that if you break his word again, you will not communicate with him. And keep your word. Such a guy needs to be taught a lesson, then he has a chance to learn something.

In fact, it all depends on the situation. If the guy came tired and promised to go to the cinema with you, but did not keep his word, then you should not punish him. Perhaps he needs your support. Maybe he just doesn’t have time and doesn’t want to offend you, that’s why he promises to do this or that. Talk to him about it. Maybe not everything is as bad as you think.

But at the same time, there is another opinion that it is impossible to divide people according to this character. Men and women do not keep their promises. But let's be honest, women love to tell stories, gossip, embellish everything. Here he walks between women: "But mine promised, but did not fulfill." If you think about it, men never talk about this, that's the whole secret. But since we are talking about such a topic, we need to continue.

Now let's try to figure out the reasons for all this, but it will be quite difficult, because it can be called whole science which we cannot overcome. But if we can overcome it, understand its basic mechanisms, we can at least partially get rid of the various illusions that haunt us, and especially the one that a man promises and does not keep his promises. By getting rid of these illusions, we also get rid of painful experiences that always follow them. But let's not make porridge and start in order.

Try to find a person who likes to be forced to do something by force - no one likes this, moreover, it is also very annoying, because they are also forced to hear from you more and more honestly. It is unlikely that a man in such a situation will do what they want from him, and if he does, then he will definitely not invest his soul in this matter. If we take the ideal situation, then the man himself must go in before that and want it himself. If this does not happen, then you and the woman are there to push him and direct him in the direction where your desire would become his own decision, but you also need to do this correctly, since the result depends on your actions. There are two options: give your husband an ultimatum, or take advantage of your feminine gentleness by using cunning and psychology.

But there's still a choice right moment, what about the method ..., it all depends on the situation, it happens that both methods are good at the same time. The main thing is not to confuse them, and not to aggravate the situation using the wrong method, because then your man will definitely not keep his promise, and the law: “a man promises and does not keep his promise” will be confirmed again.

For example: a girl can wait good moment when the husband again"fail" the task, and say: "I knew that you could not be trusted with anything" - this will push him to keep the promised word. He will try to take revenge on her because she does not believe in his strength and capabilities. As a result: he does not want to disappoint her and will begin to help her in all her requests.

On the other hand, a girl can listen to her husband, enter into his position, after he explains to her the reason for not completing the task given to him. "Well, of course! ': you say. Yes, we agree, he can answer “I didn’t want to”, but this will not be a male answer at all. In response, you can simply tell him: “This is not manly.” He will remember it for sure. If he gives serious arguments and promises to fulfill the promised work later, it means that you managed to conquer him with a simple and calm conversation. But do not forget that the husband could simply simply forget, so do not immediately yell at him. Just in next time You just need to remember and everything will be fine.

Another law “men promise and do not keep their promise” can be misunderstood, because a man simply does not want to upset his soulmate, because he promises, if only not to upset him right away. And the reason for this is love, since he cannot see his beloved sad, so he takes on much more than he can afford. Yes, this man does not justify, but still ... If you have such a case, then, of course, the probability of fulfilling his promise is zero.

You must clearly understand that a person must have freedom of choice, and any promise that he makes to you under pressure does not promise to be fulfilled.

What you just read is not always feasible, because a lot also depends on the situation. For example, you should not forget about male friendship. You could assign him a trip to a cafe on certain time but he could meet his old and very close friend. No, he will not exchange you, but he also needs to talk with him a little, find out how his life is going. And it is right. If you were in his place, you would do exactly the same, but there is not a big difference between you. Your husband would most likely not say a word to you, and you would get upset because of this, which would begin to oppress your husband.

It is also worth understanding this moment: the period of time that passes between the time of “signing the contract” and its implementation is the time when the wife gave her husband a credit of trust, you, during this time, give him better life. During this interval, he feels as if he has already fulfilled the promise, you treat him well.

Here the same principle is used as with drugs, first the husband gets a "high", and then - "breaking", which will be in both cases.

Actually, the time has come to draw a conclusion from what you have just read:

A man is not a robot, he does everything so as not to upset you, but he does not always succeed, and this is a fact. You should not demand from a man those actions that will be clearly beyond his strength, and the point is not even the complexity of this particular task, but the complexity of the general task that he needs to complete during a given period of time.

Perhaps even men lack women's faith in them. It is not enough for them to receive food and sex from you. They want to know for sure and understand that you appreciate them, you should be proud of him. Let him, at least sometimes, take a break, and then he will definitely always delight you with his actions.