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Whether to invite friends of the parents to the wedding. Wedding preparations

One of the main issues that should be resolved when preparing for the wedding is who to invite to your celebration. After all, guests are full-fledged participants in the event, on which the atmosphere of the upcoming holiday depends.

When compiling a list of the right guests, you should follow the general recommendations:
- first, the newlyweds make a joint list (the bride and groom can each make their own list, and then combine it into a common list);

Make the first version of the list detailed. Then it can be shortened;

First of all, family members of the future spouses are added to the list of guests - parents, grandparents, brothers/sisters, their spouses and children;

Behind them are other close relatives - aunts/uncles, cousins/sisters, nephews, etc.;

Distant relatives you may never have seen;

Colleagues and colleagues from work;

Friends who else I would like to see among the invitees.

Invite only those people who will really be happy to share this responsible and solemn day with you.

"Controversial" guests: what to do?

Undoubtedly, a wedding is first of all your holiday and it is up to you to decide with whom to spend it. Don't forget - you can't please everyone! To help you decide who to invite to your wedding and who not to invite, use the infographic below to eliminate unnecessary people.

So, we continue to discuss the wedding guests: who makes sense to invite to this important holiday, and who is better not to invite in order to avoid uncomfortable situations. We came to the conclusion that the number of guests does not affect the quality of the event, and we also realized that some newlyweds, due to their age and inexperience, do not understand the true significance of the wedding day and confuse this important holiday with another party. Now let's talk more about the details and get specific recommendations for compiling the coveted list of guests.

Whom to invite to the wedding? This question always causes a lot of controversy, both between the newlyweds themselves and between them and their close relatives: parents want to invite neighbors from the dacha, distant relatives to your wedding it is not clear on whose line, their school friends; future husband forbids inviting colleagues from work, and you do not want to see his "mysterious" girlfriends? This is fine. Oddly enough, but almost all newlyweds face the same questions and, I repeat, this is normal - truth is born in a dispute. Disputes, by the way, are also not easy, and sometimes too exhausting, long and tedious. Well, what to do? You’ll have to be patient (unless, of course, you don’t want to see a vinaigrette from someone who doesn’t know at your wedding)! The main thing is not to give up and hone the guest list to absolute harmony - so that everything suits you completely. There can be no mistakes!

1. Do not disclose the news about the upcoming wedding to everyone!

Usually, the first people you tell about an upcoming important event are at the top of your guest list - this is quite logical. These, of course, will be the people closest to you: best friends and close relatives - so to speak, your golden clip. After announcing the news to your closest people, you need to let off steam and slow down - you should not dedicate everyone to your personal family affairs. After all, if your work colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances, classmates find out about the upcoming event, many of them will decide that they didn’t just find out about it and will prepare to receive a cherished invitation from you. Well, if they never receive an invitation, resentment may arise - you don’t need this at all. Of course, there are different people: with different views and different approaches to situations. Many acquaintances and colleagues will perceive it as absolutely normal that you did not invite them - after all, after all, the holiday is family, personal, and you do not communicate well and closely with them to devote to your personal life. And for many, your personal life is not at all interesting, and if you suddenly invite them, they will not appreciate this act too highly, because, perhaps,
will feel out of place in the circle of your close relatives and friends. But if, nevertheless, information about your wedding breaks out and reaches your friends, try not to communicate with them on this topic, do not name dates, venues, etc. - the less information you give out, the calmer everything will go, in every sense. Well, if you are already “pressed against the wall” by people whom you are definitely not going to invite - tell them that you are not going to arrange a magnificent celebration and everything will take place in a fairly modest and calm atmosphere, in a very narrow circle - in this case, all further questions will disappear by themselves.

2. Don't let your parents dictate your guest list!

It may be difficult to follow this condition. Especially those whose parents are fully responsible for the wedding expenses - in this case, they will definitely want to participate in compiling the guest list, as well as in other matters of preparing the wedding (but this is a separate conversation :-). If parents are too zealous in filling the list, then all their friends, colleagues, dubious relatives, and even those very neighbors from the dacha who meanly laid you down at the age of 13, telling your parents how you drank wine with friends and all night they sang “Civil Defense” loudly to the guitar - you definitely can’t stand such guests, your memory is quite good, and all this is blatant slander! If the parents really adjust the list to their liking - you can remind them whose holiday it will be, whose wedding it is - gently refresh their memory and try to cross out all the "summer residents" from the list without conflict. There is one more fact - a restaurant, a tent or a banquet hall, in
which will take place your wedding is not rubber and can accommodate a certain number of guests. Therefore, increasing the list with unexpected guests is also fraught. After all, if your parents want to include some dubious candidates in the event, then you, in turn, will have to cut one of your important guests on the list - and this is very insulting and unacceptable. Explain this to your parents, even if their contribution to the organization of the wedding is very significant - this does not make your wedding their friendly party. In such matters, you cannot make concessions, if you show gentleness and compliance - you will be overwhelmed with other advice, wishes and requests.

3. Think in advance who you want to invite

Compiling a guest list is not an easy or quick task. You can make as many different lists as you like, with different numbers of guests, even with different guest lists. First you write some people in, then you cross them out and replace them with completely different people. This is a normal process. First of all, I recommend making a list according to the importance of the guests - number the invitees, enter their contact details: phone and e-mail, and at the same time you can remember who knows who, who has what food and alcohol preferences. You can divide the list into groups according to importance and preference, and highlight these groups with different colors. Then estimate your limit on the number of guests and start the "cleanup". As a rule, you will cross out about a third of 100% of those invited for one reason or another. Also don't forget about
your financial capabilities or the capabilities of your parents, as well as specify in advance the capacity of the institution, the size of the furniture behind which the guests will sit - let the administrator of the institution recommend a comfortable seating arrangement from which you can build. For example, we always recommend to our clients how many guests can be invited to our sites with tents, so that everyone is comfortable and there is room for the dance floor and the technical needs of the restaurant. When the final list is compiled, start contacting the guests: send out invitations, clarify who would like to sit at the same table with whom, who has what food and drink preferences: someone may not eat meat, someone may not drink alcohol at all , someone may prefer only certain types of alcohol, someone may be allergic to some types of products from the banquet menu you have chosen. Think over all these points as carefully as possible, so that later you can be completely calm for the general well-being of your guests.

4. Make a spare guest list

It happens that for one reason or another, not all invitees will be able to come to your celebration. Usually 10 or 20% of the guests from your list will not be able to attend the wedding and you can find out about it just a week or even a couple of days before the event, when the banquet is already fully paid and the restaurant, for its part, is prepared to receive and serve a certain number of people. In this case, you need to have a "spare list" consisting of people whom you can invite to replace those who did not come. There is nothing shameful in this. This does not mean that the “replacement list” consists of some second-rate people who you didn’t really want to see at your wedding from the very beginning. On the contrary, it is usually not
it turns out to be at the event not very important guests for you - acquaintances of your parents, distant relatives from other cities whom you barely know, and the replacement list consists of those people whom you could not enter into the main team due to the whims of your parents, contrary to your will. And now you will be happy to invite these important guests for you. Just explain to them correctly and intelligently: why you were able to call them initially and warned them in such a short time. I hope that in this case your new guests will have enough time to prepare for your celebration. Be smart and cunning for good, try not to offend anyone!

5. Send invitations asking for mandatory feedback

When the list is finalized, do not delay sending invitations. This can be done in many ways: by e-mail (with a read receipt), a postcard sent by regular mail, or you can send an invitation by courier or hand it in person - as it suits you. The most important thing to indicate in the invitation is to ask for an answer with a decision: whether the person will be at the celebration or not. Be sure to include the names of the guests in the invitation - so as not to get funny situations. If you just send a person an invitation, then he may think that he can take anyone with him. But perhaps this “anyone” will absolutely not suit you and, moreover, will harm your holiday. If you indicate in the invitation the names of specific people: one person or a couple, then you will avoid unpleasant situations, you will keep the number of invitees and their
composition under control. And one more thing: if your friend or girlfriend wants to come with her "soul mate" - this is natural and normal, but if this "soul mate" has just appeared or changes too often, you have the right to refuse her presence and the guest must understand you and make a choice : either come alone or not come at all. This is your holiday and only you make the choice of who to be on it, and who you do not want to see, and everyone else does not have to share your choice. No offense - adequate people will understand everything!

One of the first tasks that a couple faces in the process of planning a wedding is making a guest list. This stage cannot be called pleasant, because. it is too time-consuming: you need to analyze all potential guests, calculate the budget and definitely refuse someone. But from whom? We will help to weed out all strangers and identify those who deserve to visit your holiday.

To begin with, let's highlight those who must be present at the celebration. These are the people closest to you:

parents
siblings
Grandmothers and grandfathers
Close friends

Of course, such categories of guests are relevant if you are on good terms with them. All other relatives (godparents, aunts and uncles, cousins) are often limited to only rare calls with congratulations, so if you do not want to see them among the guests, you have the right to do as you see fit.

Who doesn't need to be invited to the wedding?

Often the parents of the bride and groom try to take an active part in compiling the list of invitees. This is especially true if they pay for all components. Therefore, parents often try to impose their opinion: “Let's invite Uncle Petya, he treated your teeth as a child” or “We need to call Aunt Tamara, we studied together at the institute, he was so little babysitter.” Of course, if you yourself want to see “grandfather Petya” or “aunt Tamara”, that's great. But if not, remember that the final decision is yours.

TOP 5 taboos: who should not be invited to the wedding

Among other things, there are people who should be wary of at your holiday, because. they can ruin it. , of course, they try to keep an eye on such "explosive" invitees, but in order to avoid risk, it is better not to invite them at all.

Who should not be invited to the celebration:

one of the parents if they are in conflict. As a rule, this happens in the first months after a divorce. In this case, it is better to invite only one of the parents, and celebrate the happy event alone with the second. Otherwise, with a quarrel that flared up at the holiday, you risk hurting not only yourself, but also your mother and father.
people prone to "to sort" with alcohol. It is bad if such a guest is a close person, whose presence cannot be refused. In this case, it needs strict control. But, if you have the opportunity to avoid such a risk, it is better to use this chance.

When you start making your guest list, it seems like you need to invite everyone you know. But before you send an invitation to your friend from the third grade, think about whether it's worth it. We have compiled a list of guests who are best not to invite to your holiday.

Guests Throwing Confetti Over Bride And Groom

If you want a fun and noisy wedding for 250 guests, we advise you to invite all the listed heroes. Then your wedding will definitely be remembered!

1. That 3rd grade friend you haven't seen in 10 years.

Yes, you swore you'd be bridesmaids at each other's weddings. But how many years have passed since that day? If you don't keep in touch, it's better to meet at the annual meeting of classmates, and inviting to the wedding is not at all necessary for this.

2. Cousin of grandma's sister's nephew

Family ties are wonderful, but your wedding is not a gathering of all relatives, but a celebration of your love. Share it with those who even remember exactly what your name is. Do not be afraid to offend someone, arrange a wedding for those who are really close to you, and they will appreciate it.

3. Former

There are rare cases of friendship with the former, but still, a wedding is not the best occasion to discuss how great you were having a good time. Give these moments only to a friend of a friend, forgetting that there was someone else before you.

4. Drinker

If you are ready to refrain from fun in the form of an overly active friend or relative who does not know how to drink and control himself, then feel free to cross this character off the list.

5. An acquaintance who does not know how to hide envy

Many girls have such acquaintances who compete rather than make friends. For her, your wedding will, at best, be an occasion to silently envy and sit out the whole evening with a disgruntled face, and at worst, try to outdo you by wearing a white or too revealing dress. Don't upset yourself or her.

6. Friends of friends

Limit for yourself the list of guests whom you will be glad to see with someone, but you should not give freedom to everyone to invite their friends and relatives to your holiday. Do not be afraid to offend someone, it is better to tactfully explain it once than to have a wedding with unfamiliar people.

7. Second half of friends

This item applies to those couples who have recently been together. Even if your friend is very happy for the last month, leave this choice to her. Not every couple is immediately ready to go to joint events and meet friends. And men generally prepare for a long time for the moment their girlfriend meets her company.

8. Chief

In rare cases, relations with the boss are close to friendly, and even more family. It is best to leave work at work, so as not to be embarrassed to dance until night in the presence of his stern look.

9. Showdown

If a couple of your friends have recently broken up, discuss whether they can not sort things out with you at the holiday. Watch how they know how to control themselves, so that instead of your first dance you don’t watch their next quarrel.

10. Entertainer

If this person is not your close friend or relative, and you cannot guarantee that he will behave with dignity, it is better to refuse the invitation. Shouts, dances, button accordions, inappropriate toasts can confuse not only you, your guests, but even the host of the event.

It is unlikely that anyone will be a revelation that the success of the celebration largely depends on the choice of guests. In the pre-wedding fuss, the newlyweds have a lot of heated debate. Who can't be invited? Who is better to bypass and how not to offend? Whom to call to the registry office, and who to the banquet? How to save on the number of invitees? Head spin! Let's figure it out.

What a wedding - such guests

The first advice suggests itself. Only invite people you really want to see to your wedding! Ideally, a wedding is a celebration of the newlyweds. God himself ordered to spend this day as you dreamed, without regard to someone's misunderstanding.

Think about how you see your wedding. If this is to be a celebration of the unity of two large families, call even the most distant relatives. If you want a firework of emotions and native smiles, invite only the closest people.

Getting into debt and enduring unpleasant or even unfamiliar guests at your wedding is an exorbitant price to pay for not offending anyone.

"Controversial" guests: what to do?

Already at this stage, there may be discrepancies. Suppose the groom is determined to call all his friends, and the bride wants to gather relatives from the most distant corners. Do not spoil each other's mood with a quarrel about this.

Better make together a list of "controversial" guests from each side. And then decide how many people each of you can invite. Having determined the number by joint efforts, choose the lucky ones yourself.

The “risk group”, as a rule, includes brawlers, distant relatives, friends of parents, guests with children, work colleagues, former lovers and the elderly. How to fix the problem with each of them?

brawlers

If someone in your circle of friends is "famous" for scandalous behavior, try to explain to him that the wedding is your holiday, not his show. However, it is almost impossible to get through to people with alcoholism. Not sure about the appropriate behavior of the guest? Feel free to cross it off the list, otherwise the whole day will turn into a continuous stress. It doesn't matter if your concern is justified or not.

distant relatives

Calling relatives from all the outskirts is appropriate only if you are morally and financially ready to throw a feast for the whole world. There is no need to invite Aunt Marusya from Uryupinsk, whom you have never seen in your eyes, simply because it is customary. If your patriarchal parents put pressure on you, let them know that a wedding is not the best time to meet strangers, in fact, people.

Friends of the parents

It often happens that parents pay the lion's share of wedding expenses and feel entitled to invite their guests. The newlyweds have two options. First: to reconcile out of respect for dad and mom. After all, it is very important for parents to brag to their friends about the happiness of their children. There is a second option - in case you do not know the invitees at all or know them so well that you do not want to see them. Such an argument may work: “Mom, we didn’t invite so many relatives, but we will suddenly invite your girlfriends!”

Guests with small children

If you cannot spend money on organizing separate entertainment for children, it is best to indicate in the invitation that you are expecting only adult guests. It will be especially difficult with kids up to 7-8 years old. They will either be frightened by crowds of strangers and loud music, or they will attract everyone's attention to themselves with whims and pampering. Make sure that your holiday does not turn into a kindergarten.

Colleagues

Invite co-workers only if you have developed really friendly relations. A wedding is a celebration of the union of two lovers and their families. There is no such rule in etiquette to invite all your friends in a row to it. Friendship is the bare minimum. Some far-sighted newlyweds invite their bosses and other “necessary” people to the celebration. If you are not inclined to build a career at your own wedding, it is best to limit yourself to an office get-together with pleasant colleagues.

former lovers

When parting, many of us dream of quickly handing a recent object of sighing an invitation to our wedding. If you are vindictive, this seditious thought may indeed haunt you until the very marriage with another person. And yet, the presence at the wedding of the former or former is appropriate in one case: if he or she has moved to the rank of friends without reservation, and your other half has nothing against it.

Aged people

Each family has its long-livers, and not to invite them to a wedding means to show extreme disrespect. For the older generation, a wedding is an incredibly significant event. Show concern for them, witness the respect personally, listen to their words. It is useful to instruct someone to look after the old guests. As soon as the grandparents get tired, immediately call a taxi for them.

Invite only those guests who definitely wish you well. It's best to check lists against each other. According to etiquette, the number of guests from the bride and groom should approximately match.

Competent savings

Another important point when choosing guests for a wedding is financial. Focus on your financial capabilities: you should not acquire debts at the very beginning of family life. You can, of course, save on outfits or travel. But you can do this only for the sake of people who are really important to you.

If you can't cut down on the list, organize your guests into separate wedding events. For example, someone can only be invited to a solemn part in the registry office or to a wedding, and celebrate with the closest people in your favorite restaurant. In this case, indicate the exact time and place for each guest on the invitation.

For many, this option also turns out to be acceptable: after the wedding ceremony and a short buffet table, the young people with friends go to their banquet, and the older generation of guests go to their own. That is, parents and numerous relatives congratulate the newlyweds in absentia, but everyone is comfortable and no one is offended.

No matter what difficulties you face, try to negotiate among yourself and with the guests amicably. There is no need to darken the pre-wedding days with stupid quarrels. The ability to find compromises will lay an excellent foundation for the future family life of the bride and groom.

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