How to ask for time off to go for a walk if it’s raining. How to ask your mom to take a walk so she can let you go

Hello! My name is Natalya, I'm 15 years old. The essence of my problem is that my parents do not let me go out, no matter what time of day. All day I sit at home either at the computer or in front of the TV. All my peers are walking and calling me, but as soon as I ask my mother if I can go for a walk, I hear a sharp no, you’re not going anywhere, stay at home. I asked her why she didn’t let me in, and my mother replied that my friends don’t go out, but wander around, and I will be the same. Moreover, I live in a village where everyone knows each other, it’s not scary to go for a walk, but... I don’t ask my dad’s permission, because he is at the same time with my mother, he listens only to her... And now almost 2 months of vacation have passed, and I still I’m sitting at home... Although my parents gave me a gift: I went to my relatives in Grodno for 2 weeks, had a walk there, it was very good... And I returned home, and everything started again... They reproach me, they say, I had enough fun in Grodno and that’s enough...
How can I explain to my parents that I want to go out at least a little?

Tatiana Zakharenko

Hello, dear Natalya! From your letter I understood that you live in a village, which means that in such a situation you always have the opportunity to take a walk on your territory, in the courtyard of your house. Find an opportunity to have a round table conversation with your parents. I'm sure they won't mind if one of your friends comes to visit you. By the way, do you have a best friend, a person you can trust 100%? As a rule, parents are very worried about their children, especially when the children are at such a wonderful age as you. Psychologists call this age adolescence, transition, crisis... The age when you really want new sensations and experiences; age when communication plays an important role. Your parents, of course, are no exception, and they are worried that nothing will happen to you. If they see that communicating with your friends makes you better, they will trust your relationships with your peers, they will calm down, and over time they will allow you to visit and hang out with your friends. Be patient and be wise! Good luck!

If you want to spend time with friends or attend an important event, you will first have to ask your parents for permission. If your parents are overprotective, you will need to prepare well to convince them to let you hang out with your friends. Conduct the conversation in a respectful manner. This will help you get what you want.

Steps

Part 1

Ask your parents when they have time to talk to you. Find out when your parents have a few minutes of free time to sit down and calmly talk with you about your plans. Adapt to your parents' schedule. Do not put your interests above the interests of your parents. Appreciate their time.

Make sure your parents are in a good mood when you discuss your plans with them. Parents may refuse you just because they are in trouble or tired. Wait until your parents solve their problems. After that, you can ask them for permission to spend time with friends.

• Before asking your parents for permission, consider whether you are being punished. This will most likely affect the outcome.
• If you are punished, you need to show your parents that you have realized your mistake and are ready to change. If you don't do this, you can't expect to be allowed to hang out with friends. Parents will worry that you might do something unnecessary.
• Talk to your parents after you have completed your school homework and any assigned chores. Get busy cleaning up after lunch and your parents are unlikely to refuse your request.

1. Be patient while waiting to talk to your parents. Your parents won't give you a positive answer if you pester them too much with your request. If parents are annoyed, do not rush things by demanding an answer from them. Let them think about your request for a few days.

   Adapt to your family's schedule. Remember, this is in your best interest. Regardless of your plans, choose a time to talk that is convenient for your parents. You should not discuss this issue with your parents if you see that they are very busy. Instead, wait until they are free and talk about what's bothering you in a calm environment at home.

   • For example, if your mom is going to take your sister to work out, ask her to stop at a nearby shopping center if it's on the way.
   • Make sure that your plans do not interfere with your parents' plans. Don't ask them to give you rides too often. Think over your route yourself.
   • Don't ask your parents to let you skip a family event to go to a party with friends. Otherwise, they will refuse you not only now, but also in the future.

2. Encourage parents to bring a sibling with them. If you see that your parents are in doubt, invite them to take their sister or brother with them. This will give you a better chance of getting your parents to let you go. They won't worry about you doing anything wrong.

   Accept defeat so you can win next time. Even if your parents tell you no, their refusal can still benefit you. Thank them for the conversation. Don't get angry and don't shout. If you try to understand your parents and respond correctly to their refusal, then next time it is likely that they will give you an affirmative answer.

Part 3

Do your homework and all housework in advance. Make an effort to clean your room and complete your schoolwork before going to your parents for permission. Don't give them a reason to doubt you. Impress them with your ability to complete duties efficiently and on time.

1. Encourage your parents to talk to your friends or adults if they will be attending the event. Your parents will most likely ask if you will be accompanied by an adult. Encourage them to talk to your friends' parents. If your parents know you are being supervised, they will be more willing to let you go.

   • If you will not be accompanied by adults, do not lie and say that your friend's parents will be with you. Eventually they will find out the truth and won't trust you.

Teenagers feel like they have matured and can make decisions for themselves. And parents believe that children have not yet learned to take responsibility both for themselves and for their actions. Therefore, teenagers often have to decide how to ask their parents to go out for a walk, especially when it comes to a teenage girl.

Reasons why parents are against it

There may be several reasons why parents do not want to let them go for a walk. Some people think that children are too young and are afraid that something might happen to them. After all, teenagers, while having fun, do not like adults to be around. They may refuse the request of their son or daughter for the reason that they are not very familiar with the group of friends with whom the child is going for a walk.

Fear and anxiety are the main reasons why parents prefer their children to spend more time at home. But young men in their teens really want to ask their parents for time off to go out at night in some club or bar. And girls no longer want to date each other, but guys. And parents understand all this well, because they know how such festivities can end.

In such situations, teenagers should not make noise and swear. They must understand that people close to them are simply worried about them. In this case, they will be able to come up with an argument that will help them ask for time off for a walk. Your shouting and resentment can only make the situation worse. But what needs to be done to be free in the evening? What arguments should you resort to?

Mom doesn’t want to let her go for a walk: what to do?

There is a way out of any situation. And even with the strictest parents, you can agree that they not only let you go out late, but also allow you to spend the night with friends. To do this, you need to calmly talk to your mom or dad and explain who you are going for a walk with and when exactly you will return home. Parents need to know exactly where you will spend your time outside the home. But you must remember that if you deceive a loved one and are in a completely different place, this may become clear. And next time it will be very difficult to ask for time off to go for a walk.

1. The child should not cause scandals. This will lead to the fact that his parents will definitely force him to stay at home. Children must learn to justify their desires. This alone is a guarantee for parents that the child can make his own decisions and be responsible for his actions. With a calm conversation, you can quickly find a compromise.
2. If a son or daughter, during such a conversation, names several rules of conduct both in a public place and at their friends’ houses, then this will also make the father or mother think that the child can already be allowed to go for a walk on his own. This means that the child has already grown up and can be given more freedom. What rules can a child name? For example, that you cannot get into a car with strangers. Also, you should not stay with your girlfriend (or boyfriend) until late.
3. Parents should know exactly who their son will be with at the nightclub. You must also give the address of this club. If this is a teenage girl, then it is better for her not to go to such a place. If a child gives phone numbers not only of his friends with whom he is going for a walk, but also of their parents, then this is an almost 100 percent guarantee that his parents will let him go even in the evening.
4. If a child invites friends to his home, and the parents see exactly who their son or daughter is friends with, this will increase the guarantee that they will let him go out. Every little thing can be important here: how do friends talk, how do they behave, what do they wear? From this alone you can judge whether it is possible to leave your child alone with such friends.

You must remember one thing: if you left home and your parents called you on the phone, you should not ignore this call. It's better to answer and explain where you are. Otherwise, next time you won’t be able to take time off for a walk. The main thing is that there is trust between parents and their children.

Child age: 14

I'm not allowed to walk

Hello, I'm 14. I stay at home all the time. I am not allowed to walk in the evening because of the darkness, and during the day it is impossible to walk hungry without lunch. Once a week, if I go for a walk, it’s in the yard alone, and not at the skating rink with everyone. I can't go far. This decision is categorical, I won’t argue with it anymore. I really like to communicate, I have friends at school, everything is fine. I can’t live without people, I can’t sit at home, I’m bored, I want to move around. But I’m at home most of the time and it’s very difficult for me. I live with my mother and younger sister. Mom constantly watches TV without a break all day!, of course, we talk to her, but nothing else. Mom doesn’t work now, she always eats without us in the TV room. And my sister and I are in a small room, all our toys fall out, but in the hall he doesn’t allow us to play or put anything in either. There is also a beautiful sofa with a TV! Mom doesn’t spend time with us, we don’t go anywhere, even to a regular park on weekends, we don’t play together, nothing. I told her this, but she said that she was not a clown to entertain us. But I didn’t ask for entertainment, but I want to spend time together. My sister sits on the phone and doesn’t see any childhood. My sister is very indecisive and always agrees with my mother, although she is already 12. And now she agrees that my mother should buy plasma, my mother says that this is not even discussed. Then she will completely forget about us. If she spent time with us, I would be very lonely and bored without people, without any active common cause. And the sister is very passive, she sits alone on the phone, then draws, draws every line, just horror, doesn’t leave the room at all, doesn’t move even a little. And I really want a friendly family. But is this really a family? These are some neighbors behind the wall. I already talked to them about this, but they listened to me and almost immediately forgot. I’m crying and I can’t do this, we are people and not automatic robots. It’s impossible to live like that, everyone locked themselves in a room and didn’t come out for 5 hours. But every evening before going to bed I shake and cry from loneliness, from such indifference in the family... What should I do?

Anna

Anna, your desire to communicate with friends and family is quite natural. This is especially important at your age, because by communicating with peers, you learn to earn the trust of your comrades, respect the rules of the team, defend your rights and generally believe in yourself and look for your place among other people. This is your school of life, a step towards adult independent life. If you can’t always organize outings with friends, try to find additional activities where you can communicate with peers and teachers. For example, sections and clubs at school or the nearest Palace of Children and Youth Creativity (many classes there are free).

You are a great fellow for trying to explain your experiences to your mother. Try to persuade her to spend 15 minutes alone with you every day, so that during this time she turns off the TV/phone and does not do other things, that is, devotes this time only to you. If daily 15-minute conversations become the norm, you will learn to hear each other, respect each other's interests and become much closer.

Anna Zubkova, specialist

Question to a psychologist

I’m 12, I’m a good student, my relationship with my parents is good, but the problem is that they keep me under lock and key. They don’t allow me to go anywhere (even to the store!!!), they don’t allow me to communicate with other children (they make up a group of those they like, and those they don’t like try to quarrel with me), they don’t allow me to bring friends home, and so on. Recently, my classmate invited me to a shopping center for her birthday, I’m going to ask my mom’s permission, but I’m afraid that she will answer no, how can I persuade her to allow her???

Good afternoon, Margarita.

The fact is that you are at an age when parents begin to worry a lot about their children, and especially about their company.

It is at this age that many children begin to try things that, according to their parents, are very dangerous. And with their behavior they try to protect you and try to check everything. And at first glance this seems to be very strict and offensive behavior.

But there is also another reason for this behavior. You grow up and become a girl, an adult, beautiful, smart. And parents cannot accept this fact. They are used to seeing you as a little girl who needs to be taken care of all the time. And they are scared because time flies so quickly.

Just try to give them some time. They need to get used to it. And as soon as they get used to it, they will begin to understand you and listen to you. They just love you very much and care about you very much.

Sincerely, Zhitkova Marina Vladimirovna, psychologist Rostov-on-Don

Hello Margarita! Most likely, this is how your parents show their care for you. Yes, it’s certainly understandable that you want to communicate and spend time with your peers. But why are parents so categorical? Find out from them why they do not allow you to communicate with friends. Your parents may have some information that you don't know. Or it may be that your parents simply have a very strong feeling of fear for you, which you can dispel by justifying your point of view to them. They may think that you are too young to make your own decisions. You need to talk to them, explain to them why this is important to you. Perhaps then they will understand that you think like an adult and can choose who you communicate with, that they can trust you, and you will choose your friends with full responsibility. By talking openly, you can find a compromise in which your parents would feel comfortable about you, and at the same time, you could communicate with your friends. To begin with, you can agree with them about some (even if small) amount of time that they would allow you to spend with friends. If in the future you show them that their trust is justified and demonstrate by your behavior that you will not do anything stupid, then it will be easier for your parents to make concessions to you, and you will be able to ask for an increase in the amount of time allotted to you. It is important to remember that your parents are trying to protect you from mistakes and from the suffering that strangers around you can cause, so your awareness, responsibility and understanding of how to behave in a correct and moral manner are very important. Good luck to you and all the best!

Sincerely,
Krokhalevskaya Vladlena Sergeevna, psychologist Krasnodar