How to understand if we are dating. But should a woman push a man into a serious relationship? What disadvantages could there be? He supports you
Question to a psychologist
I am 20 years old. I’m dating a guy who’s 22. Although I don’t even know if we’re dating. Because we didn't talk about this. And somewhere deep down I even admit that we just have a strange relationship.
We have been “dating” for a year and 2 months. Even at the very beginning of our communication, I considered him a friend. But then, after frequent meetings, I realized that I liked him. And we started to become close. Since this is my first boyfriend and my first long-term relationship, in the second month of regular sex and meetings, I directly asked him what was going on with us and that we were deceiving each other (apparently at that moment I wanted clarity, this really infuriates me) He replied, having thought enough that “nothing is going on with us, just sex”
I cried, burst into tears, I felt incredibly bad. And we stopped communicating. 2 months later we met in the company of our mutual friends, and everything started again. I realized that I was in a hurry and that I was a fool, and so as not to suffer, we started communicating again. And this time I just enjoyed the fact that we have regular sex, we spend time together, we have fun and we feel good. This happened all summer and continued into the fall. And then in December I told him (now I don’t understand why and how this happened) that either we do something together or leave everything to chance or stop everything altogether (now I think I was just tormenting his brain, but at that time At the moment I just didn’t understand all this) and he said that he didn’t want anything else and that this was not the first time I had told him such things.
All. We didn't communicate for 2 and a half months. During this time, I met a guy at the institute, we talked and walked. And one evening the very first guy writes to me, starting the conversation with the phrase - “I found someone’s scarf at home, is it yours?” It turned out to be mine, we agreed to meet, I still remember how I was riding in the elevator, and my heart was pounding. After chatting about the New Year and studying, he wanted to hug me goodbye, but I quickly ran home. At home I laughed at all this and again did not understand anything.
And then the courtship began. He invited me to the cinema, to exhibitions, to drive around beautiful places in the city by car, and this was very often, twice a week (which did not happen other times). I adopted the following policy - not to sleep with him for 2 months, to see, what will happen, whether he will run away or not. BECAUSE I'm terribly afraid to think and know that this relationship is only to satisfy my sexual needs.
And no, he didn't run away. Although there were many moments when sex was close, I said “no.” And even 2.5 months passed like this. And then we started having sexual relations again.
Now everything continues. I ask him for help, to remove/bring heavy things, to help with choosing equipment. We are a couple and this is my verdict.
We lived at his friend’s apartment for a couple of days (with a friend, well, there’s nothing you can do about it) and I volunteered to cook dinner myself. After that, HE was very surprised and told me that with me you won’t die of hunger. a friend has a synthesizer, I sat down and started playing, HE was surprised again. I showed everything live what I told him about. And after these days of living with a friend, everything became different. We keep in touch every day, he tells me what he did all day, we plan our schedule so that we can see each other. He invites me to visit him (now he lives with his younger brother, his mother is on vacation, I know his sister. We meet and just have fun, talk a lot. There are some problems in my family, I consult with him, as well as how to proceed
I would also like to add that he is not one of those guys who changes girls left and right, like a Casanova, different every day, although there is a constant girl. He had a friend who liked to give advice about girls to his friends, but now they don’t communicate.
He is very kind. And it’s probably worth saying that he has everything, well, that he is not limited in anything, in a word, he has a wealthy family. And before I thought - “well, the guy has everything, and what else does he need? So that there is sex and everything will be fine”
And the most important question is, I don’t know what we have. Now I can say with confidence that we are dating. BUT I'm afraid to ask him this again, for the 3rd time. Since this is my first long-term relationship, I really don’t want to lose him, I feel very good with him. Maybe I’m just used to him, and he’s also used to me, but I don’t want to think so. Now everything is fine with us, there are no problems, everything is easy, and no one is messing with anyone’s brains. There are times when we are close and I admit the idea that I love this person. But I don’t know what needs to be done to make everything even better, stronger and for a long time.
Answers from psychologists
Hello, Daria. There are relationships between people that are born, grow and take shape into something more understandable gradually. People get to know each other more, begin to better understand their feelings and what they really want. Sometimes such relationships become the basis of true deep love and partnership. Whether your relationship is developing and in what direction you can always understand and evaluate for yourself. You can ask your partner a question about what, in fact, is happening between you when you yourself are ready to “put the question bluntly.” This most often provokes certain crises in relationships that are not yet known how to resolve. Although, it should be noted that all previous “crises” only brought you closer and improved relations. The following comparison would be appropriate here: how will a plant feel if it is periodically dug out of the ground and checked in what condition its roots are? Finding out the relationship is the same as digging up a plant. Sometimes this is certainly necessary to solve some problems. But if you like the plant yourself, then maybe it would be more rational to look for what is best to water it with so that it develops better and makes fewer harsh revisions?
Hristo Oleg Vladimirovich, psychologist Novosibirsk
Good answer 0 Bad answer 1Good afternoon, Daria!
I will ask you a few questions so that you can think, reflect, live with them - these questions and your answers for some time.
1. You are 20 years old, you are in your first relationship, and there are times when you think, What love your boyfriend..
You don’t know what else needs to be done to make everything even better, stronger and longer...
Daria, is this really what you want?
Look, now you have a relationship, as far as I understand, you want to do something with it so that it develops towards a family, right?
Do you personally need this? Do you need to deepen your relationship with the person you “sometimes think you love...”?
2. What specifically Would you like to improve your relationship now?
And if everything is good/excellent in the relationship now, then what worries you and is it about relationships at all?
3. You can pay attention to his and your interests in terms of your future career and work. Find and discuss some useful information, be interested in his plans, support him, share your...
You wrote that seeing you in real life as an enthusiastic, interesting girl and a good housewife, your young man began to take you more seriously.
You can continue to get to know each other further, enjoy this period of relationship, learn to live with each other's differences, and find commonality - values, goals and interests, what connects you.
4. You ask the question “what do we have,” although you yourself have made the verdict “we are a couple.”
Dasha, you write “I feel good with him,” maybe we should just enjoy what we have? Is certainty really that important to you? And if yes, it is important, then why?
When you find your answers to these questions, you can either build a conversation with your boyfriend more successfully than in previous times - by explaining to him why what you are asking is so important for you, or you will understand what may be bothering you something else, not a relationship...
Good luck to you, Daria
Pavlovskaya Alexandra, psychologist, family psychologist Novosibirsk
Good answer 3 Bad answer 0Flirting and relationships are different concepts, but often go side by side. In order to understand whether there is a relationship between you, you should take a close look at your common actions and actions.
There is a whole list of actions that helps to understand what kind of relationship occurs between a guy and a girl. You spend leisure time together, call each other often, have come up with affectionate nicknames for each other, but have not talked about relationships. This happens when two people in love realize that they are together and do not touch on this topic. But it also happens that one of the partners is confused and wonders what is happening. Is it friendship or something more?
Sign one
The partner plans meetings, is interested in your plans on a specific day, asks permission to call and invite you for a walk, to the cinema, to a cafe, or simply offers to spend leisure time together. This way he shows your importance, values your opinion and personal time. With this approach, you can definitely say: yes, you are in a relationship.
Sign two
Sign three
Meeting relatives and close friends. It is unlikely that if you are on simple friendly terms, you will be taken to meet your parents. Usually, when inviting a partner to visit, it is enough to simply observe his actions. If he is nervous, squeezes your hand more tightly than usual, looks into your eyes as if looking for support, you mean a lot to him. Also listen to how you are introduced. Usually, during such an acquaintance, the partner says: “Meet, this is my girlfriend/boyfriend.”
Sign four
Trusting relationship. Together you discuss personal topics, share experiences, discuss the behavior of relatives, plan a future together, let each other into the hidden corners of your soul and trust secrets. With such an attitude, it is very difficult to remain friends, so you are most likely in a relationship.
Sign five
You are often together, call each other and talk on the phone for hours, do not always clean up before your partner arrives, and allow yourself some liberties in clothing. Your partner knows about the characteristics of your body, is able to go to the store for intimate hygiene products and is not embarrassed at all. You openly hold hands in public, kiss, show tenderness and care. This state of affairs leaves no questions - yes, you are in a relationship.
In order to understand what you mean to each other, it is important to gather your thoughts and talk. A serious topic will put everything into perspective, and the direct question that interests you will be resolved. Be bolder, because the further development of events depends on this question, which will show whether you are a couple or just friends. I wish you strong and mutual love, wonderful emotions, and don’t forget to press the buttons and
So, we have already written 16 articles, where we touched very deeply on various topics in the field of relationships. You can read all past articles here.
Let's touch on a topic today whose answer is we think mostly at that moment when it's too late to make decisions.
Most likely, you have also found yourself in situations where there is a lot to do: applying to university, a job interview, an urgent project... Perhaps you just described your goals and plans for life and here – SHE – LOVE ON THE HORIZON... Out of the blue...
What to do? To date or not? Reciprocate or give a sign that doesn't she belong here?
This question depends on your preparation and maturity to build relationships. If this situation occurs, we recommend asking yourself a few questions:
1. Am I ready for a relationship? Should I date now?
It is important to identify your main motive... You want to date only because Is this what everyone around you does? Perhaps you have complexes and you definitely need to have someone nearby? Are you bored alone and need someone to overcome your loneliness? Or vice versa, you are completely ready and want to start a family?
Decide why you want to build a relationship now? After all, feelings are not a game. If you are ready to start a family - this will take a lot of time and patience, and if you just want to “play”, then most likely you will lose another six months or a year to restore your emotions...
- Read also:
If you read the biography of Marilyn Monroe, you probably noticed that she always dreamed of an intelligent man who could fill her gaps in education and become her mentor... Because of this, she threw herself into the arms of one man to another, never realizing that no one will solve her internal complexes except herself. It is important to be willing to “give” in a relationship, and not just “take” or use.
2. Is this the right person?
Who do you dream about? How do you imagine your life partner? The problem with most young people is that they throw themselves around to the first person you meet. We all guess what such relationships lead to in most cases. You must be firmly confident in your choice so that later do not blame anyone and do not consider yourself a victim.
Just recently we heard the story of one family who has been living together for 10 years. . The married couple has three children. At the beginning of their acquaintance, all the relatives dissuaded the young man from having a relationship with this particular girl, but he was on her side and defended his choice in every possible way. Time passed and the husband began to reproach his wife and say offensive things straight to her face, like: « Everyone was right, you shouldn't have been married!» ...Where did love go? Man! You gave her oath promises to love until death do you part...
It's very important to be sure in the person who claims to be your soulmate. You create a family once and for all! Make this decision to rid yourself of bad thoughts in the future.
3. Is this person sincere with me? How well do I know him?
Find out more information about this person. Ask questions that will show you his worldview and values. What are this person's dreams? Are you sure you're on the same page with him?
So, we have already written 16 articles, where we touched very deeply on various topics in the field of relationships. You can read all past articles here.
Let's touch on a topic today whose answer is we think mostly at that moment when it's too late to make decisions.
Most likely, you have also found yourself in situations where there is a lot to do: applying to university, a job interview, an urgent project... Perhaps you just described your goals and plans for life and here – SHE – LOVE ON THE HORIZON... Out of the blue...
You want to have a date at the same time. You both hit the “Perhaps we should meet” point at exactly the same time. This means that you act on the same instinct - your instincts respond to the same stimuli. Something in that last conversation that you both said, "It's time to meet this person."
Odds are, if your timing matches this, it will match other things, like when you say "I love you" or when you decide to move in together. You write about little things. Do you feel the need to text someone about every funny thing that happens in the elevator or in line at the grocery store? Are you excited to read their similar letters? Because 90 percent of life is insignificant, momentary and simply stupid.
What to do? To date or not? Reciprocate or give a sign that doesn't she belong here?
This question depends on your preparation and maturity to build relationships. If this situation occurs, we recommend asking yourself a few questions:
1. Am I ready for a relationship? Should I date now?
You want to be with someone who makes the small, insignificant parts of life fun and interesting - someone whose perspective and humor on life amuses you. Also, if you think about someone when even the smallest thing happens, they must have caught your attention.
You share the same theory about timing. You both think it's important to be within three months, six months or even two years of stopping Serious relationships. How important it is for someone to spend time alone reveals many important traits.
He loves his job
First, it tells you how happy they are in their individual lives - how they are doing with their career, social life, hobbies, etc. An unhappy person always has a relationship to fill their emptiness. He then shows how independent they are. If a person is okay with being single for a long period of time, they are less likely to become an irrationally needy partner. This is one of serious signs that your online date leads to love.
It is important to identify your main motive... You want to date only because Is this what everyone around you does? Perhaps you have complexes and you definitely need to have someone nearby? Are you bored alone and need someone to overcome your loneliness? Or vice versa, you are completely ready and want to start a family?
Decide why you want to build a relationship now? After all, feelings are not a game. If you are ready to start a family - this will take a lot of time and patience, and if you just want to “play”, then most likely you will lose another six months or a year to restore your emotions...
Serious things are not serious. What about the dad who cheated on your mom more times than you can count? If you find yourself joking about these parts of your life with someone you met online, that's a very good sign. For some reason, there are people who just open us up - people who make us feel like our dirty laundry isn't so dirty after all.
You want someone who can roll with the punches and find humor in the dark things that happen in life. It's rare to find a person who makes you more willing to roll with punches and find humor in things. If you find them, see if you can save them.
- Read also:
If you read the biography of Marilyn Monroe, you probably noticed that she always dreamed of an intelligent man who could fill her gaps in education and become her mentor... Because of this, she threw herself into the arms of one man to another, never realizing that no one will solve her internal complexes except herself. It is important to be willing to “give” in a relationship, and not just “take” or use.
Signs you're dating a good guy
You define "partner" in the same way. You will find many people on the Internet "who want to be treated like a princess" or "looking for their princess." Fine. Everyone has a different idea of what purpose a partner should serve in their life.
2. Is this the right person?
Who do you dream about? How do you imagine your life partner? The problem with most young people is that they throw themselves around to the first person you meet. We all guess what such relationships lead to in most cases. You must be firmly confident in your choice so that later do not blame anyone and do not consider yourself a victim.
He's not afraid of losing you
You met the same number of people. You both have only met four or five people online, in person, in the past three months. Okay, stay away from people who have met 30 people in three months. But if you both have met the same number of people, that means you are equally selective.
You both require the same amount or type of information from someone before meeting them in person. This similarity likely translates into judgment in other parts of life. It's such a great feeling to be able to tell someone that previous partners found strange or annoying to you, and clearly do not flinch. If you can "warn" someone about something about you and they don't even think it's a bad thing, you're on your way to a good thing. Plus, the fact that you could tell them about it means they've already made you comfortable.
Just recently we heard the story of one family who has been living together for 10 years. . The married couple has three children. At the beginning of their acquaintance, all the relatives dissuaded the young man from having a relationship with this particular girl, but he was on her side and defended his choice in every possible way. Time passed and the husband began to reproach his wife and say offensive things straight to her face, like: « Everyone was right, you shouldn't have been married!» ...Where did love go? Man! You gave her oath promises to love until death do you part...
You both go offline at the same time. After spending some time in real life, you both decide on your own, separately. Again, you are acting on the same instinct. You lose the feeling that you met online. Plus, when everything is right, a person slides into your life so easily, it seems like you could just meet them at a bar on any night. You feel like you're somehow in your presence. If you feel the funny saying, "We met on the Internet," you've found another pea in your pod.
It's very important to be sure in the person who claims to be your soulmate. You create a family once and for all! Make this decision to rid yourself of bad thoughts in the future.
3. Is this person sincere with me? How well do I know him?
Find out more information about this person. Ask questions that will show you his worldview and values. What are this person's dreams? Are you sure you're on the same page with him?
He supports you
On planes, in meetings and at parties. Some of those people we will never see again, and some of them will become friends, partners or colleagues for many years and even for life. But no matter how long it takes you to get to know someone new, the first three minutes you spend with them will tell you more than you'll learn about them for decades to come. Here are five vital things you'll learn within three minutes of meeting someone for the first time.
How can you understand that you are already dating and not just flirting or liking each other?
And they like what they do. Everyone has a story to tell, and this question starts it. The answer to this question always tells us something about a person's performance, but we also learn something else. The enthusiasm with which they respond also tells us whether they like what they do. We can see if they are happy to move on and if they will be hungry for change if the right opportunity comes along.
Do you know what you should be ideal relationship? Many people believe that if both partners want to stay together, it should lead to a happy ending because nothing should stand in their way. But alas, in real life this scenario does not always work.
Sometimes it's worth asking yourself, is the person you started dating really the one you need? According to most psychologists, there are several telltale signs that something is going wrong in your relationship. What should you pay attention to?
The first question we ask a stranger tells us whether they are now in a strong enough position to help us, or whether they are looking for us to help them in the first place. You will learn how you can help each other. We all have the opportunity to help each other. The help you receive may not appear immediately. You must often build relationships first, develop trust, and give before you receive. But that first conversation about your new friend's work will start to give you ideas about how you can work together in the future.
Is this the right person?
They will say something and you will immediately think of someone who could help them or someone who could use their help. It's a short step from there to benefit from returning the favor. You will find out what interests them most. A conversation with a stranger may start with work, but it soon extends to interests outside the office. You'll find out if they're interested in sports or soap operas, their grandchildren or their boat. Wherever the conversation drifts, he quickly reveals what keeps them watching the work.
Constant quarrels
“Darlings scold - they just amuse themselves.” You've probably heard this phrase more than once. But if quarrels become common occurrence, this may indicate that you need to seriously evaluate your relationship with your partner. The line between love skirmishes and serious quarrels is very thin.
Try to put your relationship in perspective: what will happen to it in a few years? You should once again try to picture your future with this person and think about whether he matches your ideas about family and love.
This opens up new areas of potential connection. Express an interest in their interests, and you I will begin to create a bond. The process from stranger to business relationship is “like me, know me, trust me, buy from me.” Not all relationships need to progress to this last step, but as the conversation moves from work to fun, you will have the opportunity to travel from knowledge to intimacy.
You will find out whether you will be friends, partners or strangers. Some of these friends also became powerful business partners. We may have shared a conversation about orange juice in business class, but at the end of the trip we went our separate ways. You can tell within minutes of meeting someone who will be in a new relationship from these destinies. You can tell by the enthusiasm with which you approach, the degree to which you share an interest, the spark of an idea that you both share.
Jealousy is not love
We often hear that if a person is jealous of you, it means he loves you, or that without jealousy there is no love. But actually it is not. Feelings of jealousy are destructive and should therefore be kept under control. There are many things in life that can bring lovers closer together, but jealousy can easily destroy everything.
You will feel it immediately and every result will be beautiful. You will learn what you need to do to build a relationship. Relationships take work to create and maintain, and that work requires taking the first step. Within the first three minutes of meeting someone new, you'll know whether that first step should be an introduction, a proposal, or even just an invitation for coffee and further discussion. You'll feel it too - and you'll be on your way to turning that first meeting into what could be a long-lasting and valuable relationship.
How do you know if the future is relevant? Some tips will help you differentiate. There's someone special in your life and you're wondering if you should burn with fire. First of all, if you are constantly unhappy, leave the relationship. Make sure your happiness starts within you. You know each other's families. You don't need to go to every family event, but if you know your siblings and parents and even know a few, it means you can continue. Secret relationships can be fun, but being persistent should mean you're joining the family. You're on your own. You're not afraid to tell her your secrets, you know when you're in a bad mood, or even a little stupid around him. You can remain calm and comfortable by being yourself. You laugh. He may not be one of the three fools, but if you have fun and laugh a little every day, everything goes well. Men pride themselves on their humor, and if that doesn't happen to you, you know what to do. You don't have to talk all the time. Silence or a pause does not make it difficult for you to feel uncomfortable when you are together, and you do not feel embarrassed when there is silence. A good relationship do not require constant communication. You are communcating. The other side of point number five is that healthy relationships depend on good communication. Being open, honest and communicative is the only way to get to know another. Keep the lines of communication open. Most quick way to destroy a relationship is not to understand and not to complicate the situation. There is little fight or not. If your relationship is fueled by daily drama, someone will get bored and want to leave the relationship. If you're always angry, confused, depressed, or just tired, that's definitely not a healthy attitude. You have balance. If you spend every minute on this, chances are you've lost a lot of friends. If you include your friends in every meeting, chances are the relationship won't be serious. Find a balance between your life and become a part of his life. There is spontaneity. If you find yourself in a boring rut, pay attention to the warning signs and understand that every healthy relationship has an element of pleasure. This doesn't mean every day has to be an adventure, but don't let things become predictably boring. You Learn Good relationships make you feel forced to grow. If you are not learning or growing, he may not be the right person. You have the same goals. Besides the happiness factor, it is perhaps the second most important factor in determining relationships. If they both want the same things, share the same ideals and strive for the same results, they will find success together. If you don't know what each other's goals or desires are, it's time to improve your communication. He strives to communicate and be close to you. Any relationship that is unilateral does not work. Both parties need to be involved and interested in making the relationship thrive and be healthy. If you're always the first one to show up on a date or wait all day for a text message, things need to change. Perhaps you haven't found your prince charming yet, or maybe you're reconsidering if he really is charming at all. Don't just rely on these thirteen signs. Every relationship is personal, so don't be so quick to end up if it's not exactly how you'd like it to be. Find the best from your partner and find out if your relationship has a promising future.
- Here are 13 points that show a relationship is healthy and happy.
- If the majority reaches out to you, keep it in your life.
- If you're not feeling the love, don't be afraid to make some changes.
- Are you happy.
In fact, jealousy is an indicator of our lack of inner self-confidence. To avoid the pain that comes with this deficiency, we try to control those close to us. Jealousy has nothing to do with love, but is part of a dependent relationship.
Signs of indifference
Body language never lies. When you meet a physically attractive person, you send him signals about your attraction, often without even controlling it. Such signals can be touching the hair or blushing.
However, these signs cannot remain the same all the time. They give you a good opportunity to see if you really still love the person and how they feel towards you. If your body language shows indifference, it means that the feelings between you and your partner have cooled down.
Distance
The situation when a loved one leaves to study or work in another country is most often detrimental to relationships. After several months of separation, the image of your partner becomes blurred and then disappears altogether.
No Skype or Viber conversations, or even all the emails in the world, can replace live communication. Even if the love survives, the relationship is most likely doomed to fail.
You doubt your choice
Moments of doubt in a relationship, when you're afraid or nervous about starting a family, are understandable. But in healthy relationships such fears and doubts completely disappear over time. The longer you are together, the less room there should be for worry.
If you constantly feel doubt, it may be a sign that something is wrong with your relationship.
Incompatible goals
"Opposites attract." Of course, you've heard this phrase many times. But life often decides differently.
If your views on life coincide, you can make common plans and enjoy happiness together. Of course, it is impossible to find someone whose priorities completely coincide with yours. But you should have largely similar views on topics such as family planning, family roles, raising children, education and moral values. If your opinions differ radically, there is no point in deceiving yourself.
Look carefully at your partner: is this really the person with whom you can build a serious relationship?
