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Crisis in a relationship with a girl. If there is a crisis in a relationship - What to do

A person is characterized by the fact that he likes to create problems for himself. His nature, psyche and behavior will be studied for a long time. And the relationships between the sexes, their psychology, are even more complex. Let's try to find the answer to the question why a wonderful feeling and desire to live together lead to difficulties and negativity, what to do if a crisis occurs in a relationship, how to build a relationship to overcome the crisis?

Description of the crisis

But what does a crisis in a relationship mean? This:

lack of mutual understanding;
loss of interest in each other;
extinction of passion, decrease in female and male sexuality;
rare sex;
quarrels over trifles;
mutual irritability;
quarreling.

The crisis of the first year of a relationship is associated with the period of the newlyweds getting used to each other. The pink veil is leaving, everyday life is coming. Something that was not apparent during meetings and going to the movies begins to appear.

Spouses subconsciously copy the relationships brought from their families. But everyone’s relationship strategy is different, and contradictions arise.

Psychologists have identified typical crisis years in relationships. This is a year, three years, five years, seven years (the most difficult stage), 14 years. But all this is relative, because a person is not a machine, but a bright individuality.

Sometimes the first crisis can come in the first hours after a fun wedding, when the donated money is being distributed. Imagine the state of the groom, who had a wedding with his own, partially borrowed funds, and the young woman had already completely entered into the courage of owning money and made it clear - “This is my money, I will spend it at my discretion.”

Relationship crises before marriage are common; the reasons are similar to those during marriage. But it’s also easier to explain them - after all, people know each other little, the first impression is deceptive.

Or an example - people have been dating for a long time, there are no obstacles to getting married, but you don’t want to get married. Two years of relationship have passed - what to do? Meet, or decide something. This situation needs to be discussed during a serious conversation, finding out what each of them is pursuing in communication, what goals they have set.

When the first crisis in a relationship occurs, a good opportunity arises to sort out your feelings, come to a common denominator and decide whether to continue the relationship or not.

This is even good, because it’s stupid to “trigger” the problem. And a good showdown will take feelings to a new, stronger level.

Everyone wants to know how long does a crisis in a relationship last? It all depends on the endurance of the partners, their wisdom and good manners. The wise can avoid it altogether.

The period can last from three weeks to seven months. A crisis in a relationship for 1 year is extreme. There may be a crisis in a relationship at 1-2 or 3 years of age, and it may last a lifetime if both partners need a boost of mental emotions while living it.

How does a crisis manifest itself in a relationship? There are many of these manifestations. They are accompanied by a feeling when you don’t want to go home, but sex has moved from pleasure to duty. The mood is depressed and one gives up; there is no longer any sparkle or high degree of frankness between lovers. Life comes to a standstill and loses its meaning, and beautiful and lonely boys and girls walk the streets. There is a feeling that you were in a hurry.

Causes

Periods of relationship crisis depend on a number of factors - the length of time together, the age of the children, career, health, personal and spiritual growth. What crises there may be in a relationship depends on the relationship between a man and a woman.

A crisis in a relationship after 5 years is usually associated with a young mother going back to work after the birth of her baby. A fresh outlook on the world, working hours do not allow you to prepare food and clean on time. But the husband is not always able and ready to do this part of the worries. Relationship crises between 1 and 5 years old are most often associated with children. A crisis of two years in a relationship is inevitable if a long-awaited pregnancy does not occur, or the couple is still dating, but there are no hints of marriage, although all possibilities exist- housing, stable income, age.

It is difficult to calculate crises in relationships by month. This calculation is suitable when a child appears. This is pregnancy when a woman changes greatly psychologically. After childbirth, when the child is 2-3 months old, the man fades into the background and becomes a “give-and-bring.” This really hits home for a lot of dads. It’s still the first year of a child’s life, when the wife is in postpartum depression.

When a crisis occurs in a relationship, you don’t have to ring the bells and think that everything is lost. This is normal. It is important not to do anything stupid when a crisis begins in a relationship. It doesn’t matter at all how long it takes for a crisis in a relationship to occur. The main thing is that we can overcome it.

What to do during a crisis in a relationship? Treat the problem philosophically - any difficulties are given to test your feelings. When a crisis occurs in a relationship, you need to start with yourself, delve into your soul, look for the problem first in yourself, and only then in your partner.

Often, the life crisis of the person himself can affect the crisis of the couple’s relationship. A man's midlife crisis always affects relationships and an attempt to find the reason for his failure in an unsuccessful choice of a life partner.

How to understand that a crisis in a relationship is caused by insolvency. Just try to simulate life without a loved one. After all, a lot came to you precisely thanks to him.

Actions

When there is a crisis in a relationship, you should not resort to destructive methods of solution - alcoholism, betrayal, extraordinary actions. What to do if there is a crisis in a relationship?

The first action is to mutually recognize this, make a decision and develop a strategy to get out of it. It is advisable to write this down on paper. This will be a starting measure in eliminating the problem. Wise people know how to get out of a crisis in a relationship.

The principle “prepare your sleigh in the summer” works - you need to meet it fully armed, prepare in advance and wait and win!

Marriage is the painstaking work of two people, not a beautiful fairy tale. After a certain period of time, every couple experiences a crisis that they must learn to overcome. Many people cannot cope with difficulties and see only one way out of this situation - divorce. Periods when everything falls out of hand, irritation grows like a snowball, and you don’t want to return home from work - this is a pattern. This is what psychology calls a crisis. Relationships are tested for strength. Turning points in life together are divided into several stages, which you should know about in advance in order to easily overcome them and stay together.

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Signs of a Coming Crisis

Each unit of society is individual, so the peaks of discord between spouses can occur at different times. In the psychology of marriage, the most important crisis periods occur at 1 year, 3 years, 5 years, 7-8, 10-11, 12-15 and 20 years of marriage. Overcoming them with dignity and maintaining love for each other is very difficult. To do this, you need to learn to smooth out rough edges and make concessions.

conflicts arising for any reason;
aggressive behavior and unwillingness to listen to the other half;
lack of intimacy;
loss of interest in a partner;
monotony and boredom.

First crisis: a year of marriage

In the first year, many spouses experience disappointment in their partner. This is precisely the period when a person begins to objectively evaluate the person with whom he shares living space. Everyone’s usual way of life is disrupted, normal family routine begins: the newlyweds get used to each other and get used to it. A real person with all the advantages and disadvantages appears before the partner. Not every marriage is able to cope with this test. According to statistics, 90% of married couples do not survive the first turning point and file for divorce. They hope that things will be different with a new partner. But the crisis is natural, and it will definitely make itself felt in another union.

The causes of the crisis after one year of family life are:

1. Differences in habits. For example, a woman hates clutter, and a man throws his socks everywhere. Or she takes up the bathroom for two hours every morning, making him late for work and irritable. Disagreements can arise out of nowhere; they are the result of different views on life and habits.
2. Temperaments. Each person has his own character. The husband may be hot-tempered, and the woman may be too calm. Hence the different reactions and assessments of current events. Differences in temperament can cause mutual resentment and misunderstanding.
3. Financial and domestic difficulties. In the first year of marriage, spouses learn to solve various problems of a domestic and financial nature, which often becomes the cause of quarrels.

Such a turning point in the life of a couple is overcome quite simply: the spouses need to learn to make compromises. You should also avoid ultimatums and not accumulate grievances, but openly discuss disturbing situations and controversial issues. To survive the first crisis, you need to put your emotions aside. All families go through this path.

It is important not to be afraid that love has disappeared; you need to look at your partner with new eyes and try to accept him with all his advantages and disadvantages.

3-5 years married

Most often, after 3 years of living together, spouses have their first child. The role of parents aggravates the situation, because the baby requires maximum attention and strength. The woman devotes all her time to him, forgetting about her husband. The spouse suffers from lack of attention and care. Sex becomes less and less frequent or disappears altogether, partners move away from each other. Most men take on mistresses at this point.

To prevent the birth of children from becoming a reason for divorce, you need to learn to share household responsibilities and caring for the baby. It is important for a woman not to forget to take care of herself and show interest in a man. It is necessary to periodically spend time alone with each other, sending the child to grandma or leaving the child with a nanny.

A crisis in family life is often associated with a woman going to work. After 5 years of marriage, the child grows up, and she begins to pursue a career. A young mother has many more responsibilities, and the woman, experiencing stress, throws out all the negativity on her husband. In such a situation, a man is recommended to take on some of the responsibilities. The wife will appreciate it.

Advice from psychologists on how to overcome the crisis of 3-5 years of marriage:

1. The main thing is not to exaggerate. The difficult period will definitely be left behind, in a year the baby will grow up, and the young mother will have time for rest and for her beloved man. You shouldn’t waste time and nerves on meaningless quarrels, you need to be patient and wait a little.
2. Mutual assistance. Spouses should help and support each other in every possible way. It is much easier to make claims than to surround your partner with care. Under no circumstances should you show your irritation to a loved one.

7-8 years of family life

After 7-8 years of marriage, the spouses face another crisis. This is exactly the period when partners begin to get psychologically tired of each other. Interest in the second half gradually fades away, and people think that love has passed. In such a situation, it is urgent to take action and save the family from divorce. The best way to get rid of your routine is to bring new experiences into your life.

The following tips may help:

1. It is recommended to bring romance back into the relationship. Don’t skimp on gifts, use your imagination and arrange surprises. You should start going to the movies again and walking in the park holding hands.
2. A great way to diversify your married life and add positive emotions is to go on vacation without children for at least a week. A change of environment will help you relax and look at your partner with different eyes.
3. Joint activities will help you get closer: swimming, morning jogging, cycling or skating - depending on the time of year.
4. Diversify your intimate life. Sex is a powerful weapon that can resurrect a marriage from the ashes. A woman can buy new underwear, an erotic costume, or purchase an unusual toy in a sex shop.
5. Look at the situation through the eyes of another. Both the man and the woman have accumulated a lot of mutual claims over the course of 7-8 years of marriage. It is important to understand that married couples who are completely satisfied with each other simply do not exist. A person may not see shortcomings in himself, but this does not mean that he is deprived of them. The partner has to endure a lot, turning a blind eye to the other’s shortcomings and concentrating on the strengths.

10-11 years

Over the course of 10-11 years of marriage, the couple manages to have children and successfully overcome several recessions and revivals. A crisis is an important stage in a relationship, which makes it clear that the usual pattern of behavior has outlived its usefulness, and something new needs to be introduced into life. Having overcome a turning point in marriage, spouses become closer to each other.

How to get out of a crisis after 10 years of marriage:

1. The most important thing is not to be afraid of turning points and to be prepared for them. After overcoming the relationship crisis, the couple reaches a new level. Spouses need to learn to talk openly with each other about all disturbing moments.
2. If you cannot overcome the crisis on your own, it is recommended to seek help from a professional psychologist. A specialist will find the root of the problems and help solve them in the shortest possible time.
3. You need to work on relationships. In order for the fire of passion between spouses not to go out, it is necessary to maintain interest in each other and spend time alone. You can take a walk in the park, go to a restaurant, or go to a country hotel for a couple of days. This will refresh your senses.
4. It is important to satisfy each other's sexual needs. If a spouse lacks intimate affection, the marriage may be in jeopardy.
5. It is recommended to avoid conflict situations, not to reproach your partner and treat him with due respect.
6. A radical change of image will help revive feelings. A new look, hairstyle, makeup, demeanor will intrigue and surprise your partner.

If a husband and wife understand, respect each other and openly share their experiences, it means that over the years of living together they have managed to become truly close people. Such couples will survive the crisis years painlessly.

12-15 years

This period of crisis is most often associated with children growing up. The child becomes an independent person whose opinion must be taken into account. At such a moment, disagreements may arise between spouses regarding parenting methods. A woman wants to protect and protect her child from the whole world, and a man sees him as an adult and is practically ready to let him go into life. On this basis, misunderstandings arise.

The most important thing in this situation is not to forget about the child, finding out which spouse is right and who is wrong. We need to look for compromises and support each other, then this crisis will soon be overcome.

20 or more years

After 20 years of marriage, children grow up and leave the parental home, which becomes the cause of the next crisis. Spouses, left alone with each other, begin to feel empty. During such a period, both partners begin to feel like they are strangers.

The turning point after 20 years of marriage is most often caused by a midlife crisis. This period is especially difficult for men. It seems to the partner that with a young woman next to him he can return to his old days, and some men take a mistress. Gradually, the spouses move further and further away from each other. In such a situation, there is an urgent need to revive the relationship. Psychologists advise imagining yourself at a young age and trying to love each other again. You can go to a restaurant and reminisce over a glass of wine about the years you have lived together, then go for a walk through the places of your youth or go on vacation.

A crisis in family relationships is inevitable and necessary for their development. This is not a one-time phenomenon that will never happen again. The couple's life together is filled with events that cause critical consequences. There is no need to ignore problems, it is important to learn to overcome them and do it together. After all, marriage is a union of two people, and both partners must work on the relationship. Only then will the family be a strong and reliable rear.

And a little about secrets...

The story of one of our readers Alina R.:

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When close relationships begin in our lives, we all believe that they will be special, and all sorts of serious crises and problems will bypass them. However, no matter how determined we are in our intentions to maintain harmony in our relationship with our loved one, sometimes problems still cannot be avoided.

So, how to survive these difficulties with minimal losses?

When does a crisis occur in a relationship and what are the reasons for it?

When does a crisis occur?

After the wedding

As a rule, after marriage, couples begin to live a family life that over time has less and less in common with the relationship that existed before marriage. The atmosphere of romance often disappears, and not all spouses easily cope with everyday challenges.

However, even if the lovers had already lived together before the wedding, the stamp in the passport forces some spouses to look at the relationship differently. If a man or woman was actually not ready for official marriage, then it drives them into depression - one of the spouses begins to believe that his freedom is lost, he has lost his attractiveness to the opposite sex, and so on.

After the baby arrives

Many married couples dream of having a baby, but not all of them realize the difficulties they ultimately face. This is especially true for a couple who have had their first child and who previously had no clear idea of what it was like to care for a baby. If a child turns out to be restless, then this becomes a serious test for young parents.

Treason

Not every spouse is able to come to terms with their partner’s betrayal. Even if a husband or wife forgives his chosen one (chosen one) and agrees to rebuild the relationship in marriage, it is still not always possible to realize this. Subsequently, past grievances make themselves felt every now and then, and ultimately still lead to a crisis.

Possible reasons

Lack of money. Some psychologists are convinced that quarrels over money arise in families in which calculation prevails or in which husband and wife have unjustified expectations from each other. However, it is obvious that it is difficult to maintain harmony in a relationship if there is not enough money for basic needs, such as simple food and utility bills. It’s one thing if this problem is temporary, and quite another thing if the situation has been dragging on for a long time.
Lack of time for yourself. When family obligations and work take up almost all the time of one of the partners, and he has no time left for himself (careful self-care, meetings with friends or relatives, hobbies), then this can subsequently develop into chronic fatigue and serious conflict.
Ordinary. When getting married, most couples are confident that they will be able to maintain the ease of the relationship, but over the months, and even more so over the years, this passion weakens. Of course, some partners still manage to maintain a romantic relationship by giving each other various small and big surprises. However, there are much fewer such couples than those who begin to live an ordinary and even boring life.
Life Unfortunately, many families have broken up due to such a banal problem as incorrect distribution of household responsibilities, or ignoring them. Often one of the spouses has to take on the lion's share of household chores, which he simply cannot cope with in the end, which leads to a nervous breakdown and problems in the relationship. It also happens that one of the partners periodically ignores the responsibilities assigned to him, which causes dissatisfaction and indignation of his other half.

Is it worth overcoming the crisis in the first year of a relationship or is it better to break up?

For some couples, everything is easy and simple from the first days of their romance, but others have to go through many trials in order to maintain their relationship. If you are faced with the second option, then you should take into account that many lovers experience this problem, despite the ardor of their feelings. If you understand that you really love this person, and he loves you, then still give your relationship a chance. If there are feelings, problems can arise in a completely different area - divergent views on life, different interests, non-acceptance of each other’s habits, and the like. Over the course of a year, many couples learn to adapt to each other, seek compromises, understanding that all people are different, and this is not a reason for separation. If the disagreements are truly insurmountable, and none of you wants to make concessions for the sake of preserving feelings, then it is better to really break off such an alliance, especially if it lasts more than a year.

What to do if the relationship dragged on, but did not develop into marriage

If such a problem arises, and you understand that marriage is really important to you, and otherwise you do not see the romance progressing, then it makes sense to have an open discussion with your partner. Of course, you shouldn’t talk to him about this aggressively or try to pressure him into pity, by doing so you will only push him away from you, and he will feel like he is being forced to take this step.

Start such a conversation only when you are really sure that you are ready to break up, in case the man still does not show interest in getting married. Having found a convenient moment when your chosen one is relaxed (for example, on a day off at dinner), tell him that you have been thinking about your relationship for a long time, and you think that your couple is stuck at a certain stage and has long been ready to start a family. Explain that, despite your feelings for him, you do not believe that you will be able to maintain harmony in the relationship if it does not develop. Note that if a man is not sure that he wants to connect with you in the future, then you do not want to waste either his or your time, no matter how hard it is for you. Do not demand an immediate answer from your partner - invite him to think about your words for a couple of days. If he still does not dare to propose marriage to you, then you need to act decisively - break off the relationship. Only if you are confident that you can go through with it should you have such conversations. By the way, often after such a decisive step by a woman, a man begins to rethink what happened, and, realizing that he is not ready to lose her, he nevertheless proposes marriage.

Crisis in family relationships by year and how to cope with it

Crisis during 1 year of marriage

As statistics indicate, many spouses decide to divorce in its first year. It would seem that during this period feelings should still be fresh, but at the same time other problems arise. First of all, we are talking about living together, which turns out to be not at all what it seemed. In addition, everyday issues gradually crowd out almost all passion and romance from the newly formed union, requiring partners to regularly distribute household responsibilities and change established habits.

Crisis 2-3 years in a relationship

Most often, during this period, a new addition occurs in a young family. In addition, the life of the spouses has just begun to transform - all responsibilities, as a rule, have already been distributed, and the couple lives according to a certain regime. The birth of a child often makes significant adjustments to an established life - many plans are ruined, many habits have to be abandoned. In addition, after 2-3 years of relationship, spouses usually begin to get psychologically tired of each other.

Relationship crisis 5-7-10 years

Another period of crisis in relationships. First of all, it is due to the fact that the husband and wife are just beginning to fully get used to the role of parents. Problems in a couple may arise due to the child’s new social role - he becomes a kindergartener or schoolchild. If a child begins to have conflicts with peers and elders, then mom and dad often perceive this painfully. For the failures of their son or daughter, some parents begin to blame each other or the child himself, which, of course, leads to tense relationships in the family.

The absence of children by this period can also turn into a crisis in the relationship, even if the couple believes that they do not yet feel the need to procreate. Despite the fact that the marriage is stable, the financial situation is established and leisure activities are varied, spouses may unconsciously feel that they are missing something. If, however, a couple strives to replenish the family, but this does not happen, then the risk of developing a crisis in the relationship increases.

How to survive a cooling relationship with your husband

General rituals

To maintain interest in each other, come up with common rituals and follow them - this will create a sense of stability, which is lost during conflict situations. You can go to the gym or take some courses together, walk the dog, cook dinner (at least on one of the days off) and much more. It is important that this happens regularly.

Talking about the future

Often, couples who are experiencing a crisis in their relationship stop dreaming about the future, immersing themselves in current experiences. However, it is during this period that it is important to make plans that you want to implement over time. This will help you realize that the current troubles are temporary, and after some period everything will change.

Support

If there are conflicts in the family due to some failures of the husband, then try not to feel sorry for him, but to provide maximum support. Even if he feels insecure now because of problems at work or some kind of financial difficulties, do not stop showing him that, no matter what, you care about him and you respect him. Listen to his opinion, periodically ask for help with something, so as not to completely undermine his self-confidence.

Intimate relationships

When a difficult period begins in the family, many spouses begin to concentrate on problems, forgetting about everything else - including the intimate side of the relationship. Even if you think that you have lost any desire to have sex, do not give up this part of your married life. Firstly, you probably don’t want additional problems in your relationship, and secondly, as you know, “appetite comes with eating.”

How to get out of a crisis in a relationship to preserve your feelings

Of course, a crisis in a relationship is an extremely undesirable occurrence for any couple. Each partner begins to question their choice and sees it in a completely different light than it was originally. However, remember that this is not a situation where you should rush to conclusions. The most important thing in such moments is to remain patient and also remember to look at yourself and your actions from the outside. It is possible that you yourself provoke your chosen one to actions that ultimately do not satisfy you. It is important to listen to his point of view on this matter and take it into account.

During a crisis in a relationship, patience is the most important condition for maintaining harmony and overcoming difficulties. By demonstrating this quality at critical moments, you will protect yourself from words and actions that can only aggravate the situation in the future.

Having realized that conflict situations have begun to occur more and more often in your couple, do not fall into despair and do not blame your partner for this - any difficulty can be overcome. Don't rush into rash and radical decisions and maintain restraint in the most peak moments.

Every couple experiences a difficult period in a relationship.

It is important to realize that similar problems happen to many couples. At first, a crisis can even bring partners together, but if it cannot be overcome within a year, then this most often turns into even more serious problems - spouses begin to associate relationships with difficulties, survival, struggle and ultimately cause feelings of rejection and negative emotions .

Many psychologists point out that if partners do not have common values for which they can unite, then, most likely, they will separate - it is easier for them to break the union, since it turns out that solving difficulties together is harder than one at a time.

A crisis in a relationship often turns out to be a kind of test for any couple - if the spouses do not pass this test, then this is not always a bad thing. Often, after breaking up, they reevaluate their attitude towards their partner and get back together again, taking into account all their past mistakes. It may also be that breaking the relationship benefits both parties - they are still convinced that they are better off alone than together. However, if the family managed to cope with the problem, then in the future this, as a rule, has a positive effect on the relationship.

According to psychologists, a crisis is a step, crossing which a couple reaches a new level of trust and mutual understanding. But, unfortunately, many do not pass the test. Not everyone understands that a crisis is actually a chance to strengthen a family, an opportunity to look at the past stage differently, to reevaluate your partner and yourself. Very often, an attempt to achieve harmony fails, people break up or decide to leave the relationship passively - binge drinking, illness, betrayal.

The most vulnerable are those couples who are completely absorbed in each other, those who dissolve in each other, who care little about external connections with the world. Living in the interests of a loved one leads to difficult consequences. Such a couple endures more painfully:

Birth of a child.
Moving to another place.
Changing your loved one's job.

Events become a whole test for partners. Over time, one of them becomes emotionally exhausted, tired of the endless presence of their loved one in every step and deed. Therefore, it is not surprising that detachment arises on the one hand, and bewilderment on the other. People become distant and inevitably suffer.

If a difficult period has come in a relationship, you need to talk to each other.

A lack of communication is the first step to misunderstanding. People think that they know their other half inside and out and can easily predict their thoughts and actions. Therefore, they often ignore this important and significant act in the life of every couple - a frank conversation. Spouses do not understand that their loved ones are changing, and with them their desires, plans for the future, views on raising a child, etc. Blinded by faith in true love, a person suddenly discovers a stranger nearby. The image of your loved one, held in your head for years, crumbles. It turns out that your partner has a completely different way of thinking, outlook, and even attitude to little things. So, the spouses have a conflict, which later results in a painful separation.

How to survive a crisis in a relationship over the years? Crises also occur at certain periods of life. The most critical ones are in the first, third, seventh and fifteenth years of marriage. Also, the possibility of a difficult period in the twentieth year is not excluded.

Year one

Lovers go through the adjustment stage: they adapt to living together and get acquainted with the habits of their loved ones.

The difficulty arises because the couple is surprised to discover the end of the candy-bouquet period, the absence of romance, and the actions and desires of the spouse sometimes infuriate them, since they absolutely do not coincide with the usual idea.

Newlyweds may encounter very minor problems - minor everyday troubles, but for them this turns into a huge test. Disagreements occur out of nowhere - the wife does not cook like his mother, and the husband does not want to help her with the housework. There can be a lot of such unpleasant discoveries. As they accumulate, they lead to disappointment, and then to a possible breakup. Statistics show that 80% of couples divorce in the first year of marriage.

To overcome difficulties in the first year, the couple needs to seek compromises, peacefully discuss problems and resolve conflicts, and understand each other’s experiences.

Year three

Pregnancy and the birth of a baby become a test for the family.

The young father feels that he is being deprived of attention, that his wife is busy with her work and does not notice him. There is a lack of desire on the part of the husband to help care for the baby. The problem is aggravated by sleepless nights, changing diapers, painful periods for the child, as well as differences of opinion on how to properly raise the first-born.

The girl is consumed by postpartum depression, nervous about her weight, eternal busyness and chronic fatigue. The baby turns the usual way of life upside down. The couple has quarrels, mutual reproaches arise, which can end in misunderstanding and unwillingness to be together.

Only patience, the ability to listen to your partner, react flexibly to the situation and not move away, but on the contrary, bring your soulmate closer to you, can cure such a problem.

Five years

The children have already grown up, the wife is returning from maternity leave and is pursuing a career. The husband is already firmly on his feet - he has his own business or a good position, which entails an increase in workload.

But the most important thing is that life has improved so much that I am already quite tired of it.

These are the characteristic signs for five years of married life. This period often brings disappointment. And all because expectations do not correspond to reality. Right now the risk of betrayal increases. A man has a desire to assert himself, and a woman has a desire to experience intimacy and forgotten feelings again.

How to overcome a relationship crisis in the fifth year? People need to get rid of routine with all their might, try to reevaluate their soul mate, try to love the new things that have been discovered in a person over these five years. It’s worth arranging romantic dates, doing common things, planning, relaxing together and then everything will work out.

Fifteen years

The main reasons here are revaluation of values, satiety with family life, as well as a midlife crisis.

This is especially true for the stronger sex. Life seems bland and boring to them, and their achievements are not successful enough. Only a young mistress can brighten up all this dullness. Wives, in turn, are nervous because of age and wrinkles, they are afraid of being rejected, which is why they become jealous and quarrelsome.

You shouldn’t give melancholy and despondency a chance; you should try to return to youth, or rather, create such an illusion. Give up old rules and habits, introduce new traditions into the family, interest your loved one in the novelty, change the environment. The most important thing to remember is that troubles come and go, but your soulmate remains. A loved one is like a litmus test - sometimes it shows the negative side of the marriage and you conflict, sometimes it shows the positive side when you understand that he is your support and support.

Instead of dwelling on your troubles, read the following tips and implement them.

Look deep within yourself. In difficult years of life, we concentrate on our partner’s shortcomings, but forget about ourselves. Both are to blame for what is happening. Therefore, the next time you want to reproach your companion for something, stop. Look, you yourself have also changed. You have gained experience, gained a new status, and therefore it is worth re-evaluating yourself first. Work on your self-esteem, increase it and let your loved one know that he is the best for you.

Surprise your loved one. Give an unexpected gift. For example, have a birthday party like in American movies - with the lights off, balloons, a congratulatory inscription and a sudden exclamation from invited friends: “Surprise!”
Give thanks every day. Teach your companion to do the same. Say “thank you” for every little thing. Believe me, it works.
Remember the good things more often. Psychologists say that memories can revive old feelings. Remember the first date, intimacy, places where you were together, events. Try to bring this to life now.
Be positive. Formulate phrases correctly. Don’t say: you’re almost never at home, say: let’s spend time together more often. Digging into the shortcomings of your loved one will lead to another quarrel. Focus on its strengths.
Do something that interests you in common. This point is considered one of the most important. Why don't you buy a cool camera and master it together. Take photos, get carried away, smile.
Have sex. And do it twice a week at least. Now, more than ever, you need to give up headaches and fatigue. Good sex strengthens relationships. It brings people together, opens a person from a sensual and vulnerable side, and most importantly, it eliminates many problems. You will grumble less, get irritated and stop moving away from your loved one.
Value your freedom and give it to your loved one. What to do here? No, don't get a divorce. Relax separately at least sometimes: he goes to the cinema, you go to a friend’s place, he goes to friends, you go to a museum. And in the evening you will have something to talk about.

Some couples easily avoid difficult family corners without even thinking about what it was. Successful passage of a crisis is the key to the further development of individuals and their relationships. Remember that a crisis is a leap forward, a step beyond the boundaries of previous relationships. The main thing is not to be afraid.

Relationships are like people: they are born, develop, mature, die. And, naturally, they experience crises - an integral part of growth necessary for the transition from one level of development to another. It is impossible to avoid critical periods; they happen even in the most prosperous families. The question is how to survive a crisis in a relationship without losses. With the right approach, a crisis is an excellent step for a new, better round of relationship development.

Periods of crisis

Crises can be caused by both the “age” of the relationship and other reasons: addictions (alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc.) of one of the spouses; betrayal, personal crises, external circumstances (death of loved ones, failures at work and in business). The form, duration, and depth of crisis conditions vary from family to family.

Crises occur when, under the influence of certain events, the old model of relationships becomes impossible and it must change. These processes can be very painful - just remember yourself during the teenage crisis. Here one can observe the same contradictions between the previous situation and new realities.

Therefore, psychologists often associate periods of crisis in relationships with the most important events in family life, for example, the birth of the first child, the separation of grown children, and retirement.

First year crisis

When lovers begin to live together, and passionate confessions and romantic dates are replaced by daily routine, they begin to look at each other more objectively. The fairy tale gradually turns into reality, or rather into everyday life. It turns out that life together consists not only of bouquets and passionate confessions, but also of unclosed tubes of toothpaste and curlers in the hair. Conflicts and quarrels begin. Couples who did not have time to have children easily separate at this time, because there is little that connects them yet.

How to survive a relationship crisis in the first year of marriage:

be patient and show leniency towards the shortcomings of your significant other, discuss with your partner everything that does not suit you; be prepared in turn to give up some habits;
discuss each other’s expectations, understand how they coincide; try to understand and share the goals and interests of your partner;
learn to build relationships correctly: discuss all problems openly, learn to avoid conflict situations, trust each other;
The main thing at this time is to soberly assess how important this relationship is to you, whether the decision to enter into it was rash, and make an appropriate informed decision.

Crisis of three to five years

Around this time, the couple has children, and this completely changes the lives of the spouses. By this time, the partners, who have already managed to get used to each other, are establishing a comfortable life that flows according to its own understandable and agreed upon rules. And then a third appears in the measured existence of the spouses, and sometimes someone in this triangle turns out to be superfluous. Along with the new status, new responsibilities appear, and life becomes more complicated. The wife may be suffering from postpartum depression; she often has to sacrifice her career for the sake of her family. The husband feels abandoned and unnecessary; his entire role comes down to making money and helping in practical matters.

To overcome these difficulties, psychologists advise:

for the wife - not to focus exclusively on motherhood and pay attention to her man;
for the husband to share concerns about the baby, be attentive to his wife, and support her;
both should prepare for fatherhood and motherhood in advance, agree on the division of responsibilities; find time for joint hobbies, communication, intimate life.

Seven Years Crisis

The seven-year mark is considered the most dangerous age for relationships - according to statistics, the peak of divorces occurs during this period. At this point, spouses become more relatives than lovers. The acuity of feelings becomes dulled, sex becomes more of a duty than a pleasure. Fatigue and disappointment accumulate, spouses become bored with each other. Often this crisis coincides with personal crises in midlife, which greatly aggravates the situation.

Tips for overcoming the seven-year crisis:

pay attention to your intimate life, arrange romantic dates, surprises, experiment;
Don’t get lost in your family or work, spend more time together - relax, play sports, diversify your leisure time;
be self-sufficient, develop yourself - then you will be interesting to each other not only as spouses, but as individuals.

Crisis 12-15 years

This period in an ordinary family coincides with the teenage crisis of the matured first-born of the couple. Tension, conflicts associated with the educational process, and fear of losing control over the child are inevitable. The family needs to change the balance of power; there must be room in it for another “adult”. This requires a lot of effort from parents and causes cracks in marital relationships.

develop a common position on issues of interaction with the child;
do not complicate the situation with quarrels, be tolerant of each other and children;
Don’t withdraw into yourself, don’t throw yourself into work or outside hobbies, and spend more time at home.

Crisis 20-25 years

The children grew up and began independent lives. Parents are now left alone, and they again need to reconsider their family model. If previously the lion's share of their attention and care went to children, now they have to fill this void. Sometimes spouses feel like they are strangers, because over the years devoted to family and children, each of them could have missed changes in the personality of the other. If they realize that children are the only thing that kept them together, there is a great temptation to take the last chance for personal happiness and try to find it on the side.

To survive this crisis with dignity:

start living again! Take care of yourself, your appearance, your inner world, travel, do what you have always dreamed of, but did not have time;
do not remember the past, give up mutual reproaches, show more attention to your soul mate;
get to know each other again, surprise each other, please and surprise - you have lived together for a quarter of a century, you have passed the test of strength, isn’t this a reason to value your relationship?

Is it really necessary to puzzle over how to cope with the crisis? Perhaps difficulties in relationships show that the choice of a life partner was wrong, and it is worth looking for another instead of spending your life mending a broken vase? If this is a one-sided game, and the second spouse does not share the aspirations of the first, then this is probably the case. It is impossible to make someone happy against their will. Finding a way out of the crisis is only possible together. It is important for partners to join forces and fight the situation, and not each other, taking the crisis as an opportunity to finally “correct” the partner, to adjust him to himself.

So what to do?

Each situation is individual, but there are several universal tips that will tell you how to survive a family crisis with minimal losses.

The ideal option is to survive the crisis with the help of a psychologist. Unlike relatives and friends, who are sometimes forced to take the side of one of the spouses, a specialist will help you see the situation objectively and avoid scandals and quarrels. It will help you find the causes of conflict situations and ways to resolve them, and teach you how to cope with anger, resentment and guilt.
Learn to sort things out constructively. Hysterics or, conversely, refusal to engage in dialogue is not the best way to convey your complaints. Give up insults, remembering old sins and comparisons in favor of other people. Discuss unpleasant situations together, listen to your interlocutor and do not perceive him as an opponent. Be on the same side of the barricades.
Talk more. Don't hush up problems and grievances. Talk about your feelings, but do it as correctly as possible so that your words do not sound like an accusation. An attacking position is the right step towards developing a conflict. This is especially important for couples who are just starting their life together and do not yet understand each other perfectly: perhaps your partner did not intend to offend you, and you simply misunderstood each other.
Find the strength to admit your mistakes. Do not shift your blame onto others, but also avoid self-blame. Focus your energy on correcting the consequences, not on self-flagellation. Be honest with yourself and your loved ones.
Do not allow outsiders to interfere in your relationship and do not drag your family, especially children, into your conflicts. Other people's advice will only make the situation worse. Only you two are responsible for your marriage, and no one can be in your shoes. Do not shift your problems onto children - they are too weak to put adult responsibility on their children's shoulders.
Respect yourself and your spouse. Don't manipulate and don't allow yourself to be manipulated. If your partner stubbornly refuses to solve problems, you will not be able to walk this path for him.

Instead of a total

On the one hand, a crisis can be defined as a difficult period in the life of a couple, and on the other hand, as another leap in development. A crisis is a litmus test that reveals the weaknesses of a marriage. Love, mutual respect and wisdom will help you go through all the ups and downs hand in hand and strengthen the family.

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